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“Oh god, what was that class? I couldn’t even stay focused for ten minutes, she started talking and I was already lost,” Fuma complained, making Euijoo laugh. “I don’t know what I’m going to do for the exam.”
“Luckily for you, I took notes,” Euijoo said, teasing. “And I can be convinced to share.”
“What would I do without you?” Fuma said, awed.
“Better figure it out before I leave.” Euijoo teased back, laughing. “But you know what, I get you. The class was so hard to follow, and she kept going off on tangents…”
Fuma just watched as he ranted, gaze adoring and a stupid smile on his face. Anyone with eyes would take one look and know about the massive crush he has on Euijoo, but Fuma wasn’t even embarrassed. It was kind of crazy, the way his entire life was turned upside down by an exchange student he had known for barely a couple of weeks and who would leave once the semester ended. Fuma didn’t care, though. Seoul was only a short flight away, after all, and he would make that effort just to see him again.
“Euijoo!”
Euijoo’s face immediately brightened as his eyes fell on the tall, handsome man, and Fuma’s mood soured just as fast.
“I brought something you might like,” Yudai said slyly, holding out the package.
“Melon bread!” Euijoo said excitedly, accepting it with a shy smile. “You remembered!”
“How could I forget my favorite junior’s love for melon bread?” Yudai flirted, making Euijoo laugh.
Only then did he even spare a glance towards Fuma. “Class kick your ass today?” he teased.
“As always,” Fuma muttered, trying his best not to glare daggers at his best friend.
That’s right. His best friend.
Three years ago, freshman Fuma had walked into his dorm to find a tall guy in nothing but underwear, who promptly tripped on his own carrier and ended up ass up on the floor in surprise. Now, in year 3 of spending most of their time together, they had become quite close. They were practically inseparable, in fact, so much so that too many of their friends suspected they were dating - an idea they laughed at together. While they both liked boys - something that had taken nearly a year for them to realize - they didn’t see each other that way. That didn’t mean the bond they shared was any less important. They had talked about it before, and theoretically, they both believed they would always choose each other over anyone they date. That theory, however, had wound up getting tested now with the entry of a sophomore exchange student into their lives.
It was Yudai that had met Euijoo first in their shared class, and he was the one who introduced Euijoo to Fuma. Fuma was immediately smitten by the sweet doe-eyed boy and was already plotting to convince Yudai to be his wingman when he saw the same besotted look reflected on Yudai’s face as he looked at Euijoo.
It was a little funny, how quick the anger rose in him. Seriously? Fuma gets interested in one guy, one guy, and Yudai had to go and have a crush on him too? Unlike the shy and reserved Fuma, Yudai had no qualms immediately flirting with Euijoo, whose cheeks pinked. Jealousy boiled in Fuma at the sight.
“But Yudai-kun, isn’t it your job as my favorite senior to take care of me?” Euijoo said, batting his eyelashes and drawing a flustered chuckle out of Yudai. Every time this happened, it only made Fuma feel worse.
It would’ve been one thing if the playing field was even, if Fuma even stood a chance, but Yudai was more forward than Fuma could ever imagine being, and the way Euijoo looked at Yudai like he hung up the sun and moon, the way he flirted back, only made even more bitterness roil in his guts. Fuma wanted to be the one that look was directed to, but instead he got to just sit on the side and watch as Yudai wooed the one he wanted.
“What’s up with you?” Yudai asked, and he realized he had been brooding for too long. “Was the class that bad?”
“Something like that, yeah.” Fuma mumbled, not having the energy to say anything more, and returned to his food. Yudai’s smile dimmed for a moment, concern evident in his eyes, but he shook it away, turning back to Euijoo with a smile. Fuma resisted the urge to snort.
“You’ve been off lately,” Yudai asked cautiously once they were back in the apartment they shared.
Fuma shrugged. “I don’t know what you mean.”
Yudai sighed, already knowing he would try to avoid the conversation. “I mean that you’re obviously upset about something and doing a terrible job of hiding it.” He said bluntly.
Fuma couldn’t help but chuckle. He had always liked Yudai’s ability to go straight to the point, though it did nothing to stop Fuma from being evasive anyway. “It’s nothing. Just stressed about school.”
Yudai snorted. “Stressed about school? If you’re going to lie, at least try a little harder than that.” He shook his head. “It’s not that and I know it. You wouldn’t be this secretive about it, or this bothered. You’re obviously upset, and with the way you’ve been acting around me I’m pretty sure it’s me you’re upset with, so please just let me know what I did and we can sort it out.”
Fuma sighed, facing Yudai for a moment before turning away, pushing back the frustration simmering under the surface. “There’s nothing to be sorted, you did nothing wrong,” he dismissed.
Yudai took a step forward, placing his hand gently on Fuma’s shoulder. “What is it, Fuma? I- I thought we could tell each other anything…” He shook his head, biting his lip to control his emotions. “Is it… is it about Euijoo?”
At the mention of his name, the frustration and anger boiled over, and Fuma turned around, roughly pushing a surprised Yudai’s hand away. “Wow, you’ve got me all figured out, haven’t you? Did you know from the start? Were you just pretending not to know so you could throw it in my face?”
“Fuma, what…” several emotions crossed Yudai’s eyes, but the one most clear was hurt. Fuma almost regretted how angry he had gotten in his defensiveness. Almost. “I don’t know, actually. I just thought… you seemed in a good mood before I joined you two, and thinking back, you only get upset when me and Euijoo are around each other…”
Fuma rolled his eyes. “So you assumed.”
Yudai was quiet. He looked scared, and Fuma didn’t know if he was scared for him or of him. It only angered him more.
“Your assumption was correct.” Fuma admitted, his tone frustrated, and Yudai’s eyes widened. “I’m interested in Euijoo.”
“Oh.” was all Yudai said.
Fuma laughed, the sound coming out mocking. “Are you happy now? Have we cleared the air or whatever you wanted to do? Did this useless exercise help?” Fuma shook his head. “I guess it will make it more fun for you, acting like Euijoo’s dream prince and making him swoon knowing I’m right there stewing in jealousy, right?”
Yudai balled his fists, eyes sharpening with anger. “You’re being a huge jerk right now, Fuma. How the hell was I supposed to know how you felt if you refused to tell me? I’m not a damn mind reader!”
“How do you think I knew?” Fuma yelled back. “What the hell was I supposed to say, ‘hey I know you like Euijoo, but I like him too, so just back off for my sake’? That sounds ridiculous.”
“That is ridiculous, but I don’t care what you said, you should’ve talked to me instead of letting it get this bad!” Yudai laughed. “Didn’t you say ‘no boyfriend would ever convince me to push you away’? What happened to that?”
“That was if a boyfriend tries to get between us, which would obviously be a red flag.” Fuma said, defensive. “This is different! How would that apply to us crushing on the same guy? What did you expect, that I would just back off because we’re friends?”
“Well, it is the same thing for me, actually.” Yudai said, the hard glint in his eyes doing nothing to hide that they were shining with tears. “Clearly, this is affecting you a lot more than it is affecting me. So I’ll back off. I won’t try to hit on Euijoo. Go ahead and shoot your shot.”
“Wait, what?” Fuma said, confused. “Are you serious?”
“Couldn’t be more serious if I tried.” Yudai said dryly. “Really, you can date him. I’ll get over it.”
“You’ll ‘get over it’?” Fuma asked dubiously.
“Yeah.” Yudai said simply, shrugging. “I won’t resent you for it, I promise. You probably like him more than I do anyway.”
Maybe that was true, Fuma thought. He couldn’t even imagine backing off so easily. This was for the better, he told himself, but the dejected look in Yudai’s eyes as he backed away into his room refused to leave his mind for the rest of the night.
“Ugh, this has no salt,” Euijoo said, making a face as he reached for the salt dispenser. “Seriously, do they not taste it before serving it?”
“Maybe it’s because you are too sweet,” Fuma teased.
Euijoo snorted. “Seriously? That doesn’t even make any sense. You’ve been teasing me so much lately, Fuma-kun.”
“Well, someone’s gotta do it,” Fuma replied before he even realized what he was saying, freezing as he realized who used to be the one to tease Euijoo before.
Euijoo seemed to sense the drop in his mood. “Where is Yudai-kun, anyway? I barely see him lately.”
Fuma hesitated. “He had some work to do.” He lied.
True to his words, Yudai had not only backed off, but was also completely avoiding Euijoo. Just yesterday the younger one complained that Yudai didn’t even sit with him in class. A part of Fuma had been pleased to know that, the part of him that had feared that they would still be flirting behind his back, but the larger part of him felt like a jerk for even thinking it. The truth was, even though Yudai handed him exactly what he wanted on a platter, he was anything but happy. It wasn’t just Euijoo who Yudai was avoiding - he barely stayed in the apartment at the same time as Fuma now, staying out till late and going straight to his room when he came back, refusing to even meet Fuma’s eyes. Every time, Fuma remembered the tears in his eyes as they had fought, the look on his face the last time he had talked to him, and it made Fuma’s heart clench. He wanted to apologize, to make up so they could go back to normal again, but he couldn’t pluck up the courage to face him.
“During lunch hour?” Euijoo asked skeptically, bringing Fuma’s attention back to the conversation.
He shrugged, hoping he looked more sure than he felt. “You know how he gets about work sometimes.”
Euijoo chuckled at that. “I don’t, actually. Did you forget that we’ve only known each other for three weeks?”
“Oh, but it feels like I’ve known you forever,” Fuma fired back, smiling despite himself as Euijoo laughed.
“You’re becoming just like him,” he said, and Fuma’s smile dropped again. He wasn’t wrong, really; all of Fuma’s efforts to win Euijoo over had involved emulating what Yudai did, and he doubted it was even working. He felt pathetic.
“I hope he at least grabs something to eat,” Euijoo added thoughtfully, oblivious to Fuma’s turmoil. Fuma couldn’t reassure him. He had no idea where Yudai went and what he ate anymore, or if he was eating properly at all. It was usually Fuma who reminded him to have his meals when he got carried away. He hoped someone else did now, even if the idea of being replaced in Yudai’s life was oddly painful to think about.
When he went back home, he was pleasantly surprised to find Yudai in the living room. Yudai’s eyes widened, and he moved to leave.
“No, please stay,” Fuma found himself pleading before he could even think. “I- I’ll go to my room.”
Yudai sank back down into the couch. “It’s fine.” he said, though he didn’t look like he meant it. It stung more than Fuma thought it would.
Resigned, Fuma moved towards his room, but paused, turning back to Yudai and hesitating. “Did you eat?”
Yudai looked up, surprised at the question. “I did.”
“An actual meal, or a granola bar?” Fuma asked skeptically.
Yudai’s lips quirked into a hint of a smile, and it made Fuma’s chest settle a little. “You know the answer.”
Fuma couldn’t help but smile in return. “Have a proper dinner, please?”
Yudai chuckled quietly, but nodded.
Fuma was conflicted. On one hand, in Yudai’s absence, he and Euijoo had gotten a lot closer, enough that Fuma felt that maybe it was time to make his move and ask Euijoo out. On the other, the look on Yudai’s face that day still haunted him, and his heart ached at the turn their friendship had taken since then.
Yudai wasn’t avoiding him as much anymore, but it was clear that they were still not back to normal. Their conversations were still stilted and overly polite, like they were back when they were just getting to know each other. They were walking on eggshells, avoiding the elephant in the room, and there was too much they needed to talk through before there could be any sense of normalcy again.
“What’s up with you?” Euijoo asked, breaking him out of his thoughts. “You keep zoning out in the middle of conversations. Is something worrying you, Fuma-kun?”
For a moment, Fuma could only stare at Euijoo. He was undoubtedly beautiful, making Fuma’s heart stutter the very moment he saw him, and over time Fuma had come to know that he was a delightful person to be around. Yet, he now found himself distracted even with Euijoo right in front of him, the Yudai-shaped hole in his heart unable to be filled or ignored.
“I wanted to ask you something,” he finally said to an expectant Euijoo. “I- I like you. I was wondering if you would- if you would go out with me.”
Euijoo’s eyes widened, and he flushed red. “Oh. Uhm- actually, I’m already seeing someone.”
“Huh?” Fuma said, taking a moment to process that. “Wait- Yudai?”
Before untethered rage could take over, Euijoo shook his head.
“No, of course not! I have someone back home.” He clarified, looking confused. “Actually, I thought you and Yudai-kun were dating.”
Fuma’s eyes widened. “What? No, no, we don’t see each other like that.”
Euijoo chuckled, “If you say so. You sure look like a couple though!”
“So we’ve been told,” Fuma replied dryly. He doubted they would be told that anymore, and his heart panged at the thought. What was the point, he wondered now. He may have lost Yudai for good, a thought that made him feel like his heart was shattering, and in the end, it had all been for nothing.
A sudden thought occurred to Fuma.
“Does…” Fuma asked cautiously, “Does Yudai know you’re dating someone else?”
Euijoo looked unsure where this was going. “Uhm, I didn’t tell him in as many words, but yeah, kind of. At first I thought he was hitting on me, so I tried to tell him it was pointless. But he told me he wasn’t into me like that, that he just flirts to get a rise out of me.” Euijoo smiled, playful. “Since then, it became a competition of who can fluster the other more. Yudai-kun is all bark no bite, so I win most of the time.”
“Oh.” Fuma said blankly. “Thanks for telling me.” Euijoo just nodded, still confused.
Fuma’s mind was a whirlpool of thoughts as he walked back home, anger simmering just under the surface. Euijoo had never been interested in Yudai. Yudai had never been interested in Euijoo. Euijoo was already dating someone. He had let jealousy fester in him for so long for no reason.
Yudai knew it all, and Yudai had not told him.
The anger made his footsteps quicken, itching to confront Yudai. If he had known, he would never have gotten invested, he would’ve never felt so bitter, he would’ve never ruined his friendship with Yudai, he would’ve never carried the guilt of breaking Yudai’s heart. Yudai had let him do all of this, knowing he could easily make it all disappear by just telling him the truth.
“You knew.” He said, banging the door open and catching Yudai by surprise. “You knew Euijoo was dating someone else.”
Yudai’s face became carefully blank. “I didn’t know for sure, but he had said something to that effect, yes.”
Fuma laughed scornfully. “It didn’t occur to you to tell me that when I told you I wanted to date him?”
Yudai shrugged, face still blank. “It wasn’t my secret to tell. You could’ve asked him once, y’know.”
Fuma scoffed. “You let me make a fool of myself.”
Yudai rolled his eyes. “You did that to yourself.”
“You let me ruin our friendship over this.” Fuma said, intense emotions bleeding through.
Yudai laughed. “Again, you did that all by yourself.”
The frustration boiled over, and Fuma saw red. “No, I didn't! I was making myself suffer for no reason! You knew the truth! You knew it all along, and you didn’t tell me! You ruined our friendship!”
Yudai’s mask cracked. “So it’s my fault that you made assumptions instead of simply asking? It’s my fault that you resented me because of nothing but assumptions and when I tried to clear the air you yelled at me?”
“Is that why you didn’t tell me?” Fuma yelled, “Because I yelled at you?”
“Yes!” Yudai yelled back. “I didn’t ruin anything, you ruined our friendship the moment you let your jealousy become more important than us, the moment you threw all kinds of accusations at me when I was just trying to help you! Do you know how angry it made me, how much it hurt to hear that from you? Why would I tell you after that, knowing you would willingly break my heart to get what you want?”
“I didn’t ask you to break your heart!” Fuma said, still angry.
“My heart broke the moment you threw me away for someone else!” Yudai shot back, breathing heavily in the ensuing silence.
“I didn’t.” Fuma said softly, unable to meet his eyes. “I- I was an idiot. I let jealousy blind me. I never wanted to lose you, Yudai, or be the cause of your pain. I felt so guilty after what I did, I didn’t even have the courage to apologize.”
Yudai didn’t respond, or even look at him. Fuma bit his lip, holding back tears. “You don’t know how terrible the past two weeks felt. Even when you gave me what I thought I wanted, I could barely even think about it because I was missing you so much. I’m sorry for what I said, for the way I acted. I knew even as I said those things that I shouldn’t have done it. I can’t do this, Yudai. I can’t lose you.” His voice cracked. “Please give me another chance.”
Yudai remained silent. Fuma sniffled, unable to hold back his tears anymore.
“I meant what I said, you know.” Yudai finally said, his voice quiet. “I would always choose you. If I actually liked Euijoo, I would’ve still given him up for you. Nothing and no one will ever be worth losing you.” He smiled softly, letting his eyes meet Fuma’s. “What you did hurt me, but that… that hasn’t changed.”
A surge of affection flowed through Fuma, and he ran to Yudai, wrapping him up in a crushing hug. Yudai huffed out a laugh, hugging him back, and finally, the world felt right.
“I’m sorry it didn’t work out with Euijoo,” Yudai said wistfully. “I’m sure you liked him a lot.”
Fuma hesitantly nodded into his shoulder, but couldn’t help but wonder if he really did. He had been attracted to him, definitely, but even as Euijoo rejected him, that rejection stung less than the idea that Yudai had betrayed him. To think of it, the intensity of his infatuation for Euijoo had paled in comparison to the jealousy he felt when Yudai flirted with him. The same jealousy didn’t resurge now at Euijoo’s actual partner - instead, he felt a strange relief at knowing that Yudai never had feelings for Euijoo.
The epiphany hit him like a truck.
He pulled away, meeting the gaze of a confused Yudai. He remembered, back when they had first met, the way he had blushed red at Yudai’s half-naked body, the way he had reacted every time after that when Yudai would get out of the shower in nothing but a towel. He had convinced himself that that was just shyness, but even back then, he couldn’t deny that Yudai was beautiful. He got used to it over time, with Yudai being a constant in his life, always there in ways that he didn’t even realize. He loved Yudai, with all his heart, but at some point, he had stopped truly seeing him. He was finally seeing him again now, his pretty brown eyes, his long eyelashes, the way his shoulder-length hair framed his face, the curve of his nose, the softness of his cheeks, the bow of his pink lips. His eyes lingered there, and without thinking, he leaned in, capturing their softness in his own.
Yudai squeaked in surprise, and Fuma pulled away a little, chuckling fondly. “It was you,” he said, whispering it like a revelation while his hands gently cupped Yudai’s face. “It was always you.”
He leaned in again, letting their lips meet for longer. He looked into Yudai’s eyes as he backed away, searching for his approval. There was a fondness in them as Yudai pulled him back in, deepening the kiss.
“Took you long enough to figure it out,” Yudai teased as they caught their breath, making Fuma chuckle sheepishly.
“Then I have a lot of time to make up for,” Fuma replied with a soft smile, eyes darkening as he pulled Yudai in by the waist.
Euijoo looked a bit too smug when they walked in holding hands the next day.
“Not a word,” Fuma warned, but the smile on his face took out any heat it could’ve had.
Euijoo shrugged. “I didn’t say anything,” he said, but his smirk said it all anyway.