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“Stop!” Mattsun shouted, his hands going up to cover his ears. His eyes were flooding with tears, his throat felt dry and scratchy. His breathing began to hitch as he quickly started losing control of his emotions, the tears running down his face. “I need you to stop please. Stop. Stop. Stop. I don’t want to hear it.”
Mattsun’s hands left his ears to scratch at his eyes, attacking the tears. He pulled his hands away and looked through blurry vision at the person in front of him. Makki was in front of him, his eyes held concern, worry, and something else that Mattsun didn’t want to identify.
“Issei, please. You need to listen, this isn’t healthy. You have to go outside. You have to-”
“I said stop!” He turned away and quickly made his way to the room he shared with Makki, he slammed the door shut, then made his way to his bed and climbed into the side of the bed that had been left unmade since he woke up that morning. He let out a few sobs grabbing the pillow from the side that was neatly made and pulling it to his chest. Clutching it close. Even though he never heard the door open, he knew Makki was in the room with him.
“Issei.” Mattsun shook his head at Makkis’ voice. “Issei, you can’t keep going like this. You have to go out. Open the blinds. You need to eat something, when was the last time you ate?” Mattsun couldn’t remember .
“You have to talk to people. When was the last time you talked to someone? I’m sure you have at least 5 messages from Oikawa from today alone that you haven’t answered, don’t you?” Seven actually .
“You can’t push him and Iwaizumi away. You need them. They need you too. Please. This isn’t what I want. I’m worried. They’re probably worried sick too. At least answer the phone and let one of them come over so you’re not alone.”
“No. I just need you,” the tears started falling again. “I just want you,” a sob broke his words, and then he whispered a wet, “I love you.”
“Issei, I don’t want you to be alone, I don’t wan-”
“This wouldn’t be an issue if you hadn’t left me!” He got out from underneath the covers to look at Makkis as he shouted that.
“Issei, I’m sorry.” Makki came close, but never touched him. Mattsun could only see his sad worried eyes and he hated how he was the reason for that expression on the other’s face, but he was still angry.
“You left me. I love you and you left me.” Mattsun looked down to the pillow still in his hand. He pulled it to his chest once more and hugged it as he cried. “You left me.”
“I know, I know and I’m sorry, Issei, I’m so sorry. Could you please look at me?” Mattsun looked up at Makki’s request, eyes itchy and watery. “I loved you too, but please, it’s been 3 weeks since the accident. I’m not asking you to move on, not at all. I know I can’t ask for that. Not yet at least. I’m asking you to try to keep living.”
“Ma-” Mattsun couldn’t even finish his name, his voice breaking.
“I’m asking for you to take a shower, to eat something, to call our friends. I’m asking for you to not sit in this empty room talking to ghosts. I’m gone but you’re not. Please, if not for you then for me.”
Mattsun closed his eyes tight. His chest hurt. “Ok, ok.”
“I love you.” Makki’s voice rang in Mattsun’s mind.
“I love you, too.” Mattsun answered, his voice soft. After a few seconds he opened his eyes to an empty room. “For you. Only for you.” He looked at the phone on his night stand and reached for it.
He unlocked it and saw he now had 8 messages from Oikawa. He opened the messages without reading any of them, he just needed to type a quick, Can you and Hajime come over?
This wasn’t moving on, not yet, but it was the first step to move forward.