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Too much time had passed for her to remember and still the guilt was unbearable and all consuming, She had already been alive when he disappeared and still she couldn't for the life of her remember his voice, not even his face. The description she had gathered felt oddly superficial and incomplete, she knew he was brave and a good shooter but not much more. That couldn't be it because no one could only be two things. People are way more complex and only two characteristics are not enough to describe anyone, not even Negan, who was known to just be a sadistic bastard and still Negan was way more than that but not even a tragic past is enough to justify his actions.
Judith was convinced she was a horrible daughter and sister, the worst one to ever live and this was the truth because there is no other way around it. Carl had disappeared several years ago, most of the townspeople had helped look for him but in the end they didn't even find a body, after a month, Gabriel officiated a religious ceremony in his honor and then they all continued with their lives sooner rather than later. Still some of Carl's friends didn't really believe he was dead, especially Enid.
After their first battle against the whisperers, things had been tense and they were at the brink of running out of food and ammunition but somehow small crates full of supplies kept appearing out of nowhere. At first they thought they were about to fall into a trap but after the famine became too much they couldn't let any food go to waste and thus there was no other options than eating what was in the crates hoping that nothing was poisoned. In the end, none of it was dangerous and they got the ammunition they needed and so they could keep on fighting for longer.
And soon enough new people started showing up, people who needed a new home or were good at some sort of craft, all of them had something in common: the person that had guided them all the way to Alexandria. The description was always the same as a cowboy but they didn't even know his name or really anything about him, they would have tried to go look for him but they were still fighting a war against death so they couldn't drop everything and look for a ghost.
After some sort of weaponized peace the war started a new and hordes were headed to the three colonies so there wasn't much for Judith to do except for looking after the younger kids and try to train them in case anything happened and they needed to defend themselves but still progress was slow and she was already getting bored. Most of the adults were getting ready, so they needed more people to guard the outskirts from the watchtowers so when she was offered said job she was very happy to take it, her task was to simply record whatever happens outside of Alexandria's walls and report anything that could be considered suspicious.
Most of the things she recorded in her observation diaries were either animals, which was still useful information for hunters, and the convoys that brought supplies from Hilltop and Oceanside but sometimes he could see someone, he looked like a young adult with very long and dark hair but the rest of his facial features were hidden under the hood of his poncho. She had to report that, right? But he was helping them and if she reported it they would either try to capture him in hopes he would have useful information or at the very least they would try to recruit him into their fruitless battle and he would have very high chances of dying so she would ignore it for now.
When the bridge explosion happened most of the kids were evacuated from their homes to the main building in Alexandria so she had to be on the lookout from the windows, which wasn't the best but at least she could still do something and she had a good view of the outside. It was quite the scene: the bridge was still on fire, zombies were attracted by the explosion, everyone was screaming and the cowboy was there too. He was trying to get someone out of the river. Before she could see more someone spoke through her radio and now her orders were to look for whisperers in the surrounding forest.
She would do her job for as long as she could and then go to the infirmary in hopes both mom and dad were fine, that was the plan, in any case she wasn't that worried until Ezequiel came looking for her and well after that she was allowed to worry. It was only natural especially since both of her parents were there and well mom was pregnant also there were way too many people trying to get the bridge working so they could continue with their lives. According to Ezequiel she shouldn't worry since her father was fine, only slightly injured and her mother would tell her the rest of whatever had happened.
This was an unexpected situation and anything could happen, anyone could die at any moment and she really needs to calm down and focus on doing everything she can just so everyone can live just another day. When they got to the main plaza of the city almost everyone that had been at the bridge had already returned to get their injuries treated but that would take a while since Ziddiq was the only doctor in town. In any case the whole accident must have been deathly and even if Ezequiel was an honest man he was still too sensitive and caring so he wouldn't tell her if anything bad had actually happened.
When they got to the infirmary she was told to go for her family and well that wasn't very helpful because of the amount of people in the building or more specifically in the waiting room so the best strategy was going to be checking each room but before she could start her search she saw a man with an eye patch and a cowboy hat, he seemed familiar but she couldn't really tell from where. And isn't it odd that he looked like the man that would leave the crates but if it was him he shouldn't be here since this wasn't his war.
In any case this was a great time to ask about him so she walked towards him, his expression went from the best poker face she'd seen in a while to something slightly more hopeful, that change didn't really make sense to her since they've never met. While getting closer she was able to get a clearer view of his face. In that moment she remembered someone that should be dead or at the very least lost forever and still he was standing right in front of her looking hopeful to be remembered.
He was standing right outside a room and when she looked inside Michonne and Rick were there and they both looked fine so they could wait a few more minutes.
“Carl?”
By the look on his face she could tell that was the best question she could have asked, now he was smiling and instead of hopeful now he was radiating happiness.
“That´s me”
But before they could continue their conversation the door opened and they were both ushered inside by Michonne and they weren't mad or even disappointed. This was more than what they could hope for since they were all together now.