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She’d taken care of everything else she needed to do on the Citadel. Supplies had been purchased, messages delivered and she’d even found time to meet up with a few people. Glancing at her omni-tool, Regan realized she needed to hurry if she was going to meet up with Kaidan. She’d given him a tentative time, knowing there was much to do and wanting to enjoy what time she could with him, and if she wasn’t careful, she was going to be late.
She sprinted back to the Normandy and fidgeted impatiently as she waited for the elevator, ignoring the amused glances from Specialist Traynor. She needed to change; her hoodie just didn’t seem appropriate for what she hoped was a nice evening out with the man who’d always been at the back of her mind, helping her make tough decisions. But what could she wear? She hadn’t had time to stock up on clothes before they fled earth, and even now, clothing expenditures seemed frivolous.
When she finally reached her cabin, Regan practically dove into the small closet, tossing aside the few clothes she had. The off duty uniforms wouldn’t do; they screamed ‘professional’. She didn’t want to remind him of work. Was she really going to have to just settle for the hoodie? She had just about resigned herself to the now-common sight of her sweatshirt when she pulled out a dress that looked a lot like the one Kasumi had given her for their adventure at Hock’s mansion. Where it had come from, she didn’t know, but she wasn’t complaining; if it looked half as good on her as the other one, Kaidan wouldn’t know what hit him.
She jumped into the shower, flinging her clothes toward her desk. She’d pick up later. After a quick scrub-down, she pulled the dress on and quickly did her best to fix her hair and throw on a light dusting of makeup. He’d told her long ago that he preferred a fresh-looking Shepard as opposed to those heavily made up women they often saw on Earth and the Citadel. Then, she grabbed a pair of heels that had mysteriously appeared in her room; Kasumi had insisted that a pair of heels completed the other outfit and bolted back to the elevator.
Carrying the heels, she ignored the whistles from the crew as she tore past the CIC to the Normandy’s airlock. Regan paused only long enough to tell Traynor that she was going to meet Kaidan. She didn’t hear the woman call out a reminder that Garrus had asked to speak with her.
“She’ll remember soon enough,” Samantha laughed, shaking her head. It was interesting to see the Commander behaving like an ordinary woman, rather than the soldier she was used to. Kaidan was a lucky man.
Regan almost ran straight to the elevator, but a familiar turian blocked her way. Garrus laughed as she skidded to a halt just before bowling him over. “Where’s the fire, Shepard?” he asked, taking in her outfit and the shoes in hand.
“Supposed to be meeting Kaidan and don’t want to be late,” Regan replied almost sheepishly. She didn’t care if most of the crew thought she was being silly, but somehow, Garrus’ opinion mattered, and she was slightly embarrassed about her frantic behavior.
Garrus nodded, trying to hide a chuckle. “I seem to remember him mentioning something about that,” he finally replied. “He asked me to let you know he’d be a little late. Something about wanting to make a good impression.” He knew that was something Kaidan didn’t have to worry about; Shepard had been head over heels for the biotic for almost as long as he’d known her. But a little extra effort never hurt, especially after the things that were said on Horizon.
“You sure?” she asked just as her omni-tool beeped at her. She had a message from Kaidan … saying he’d be a little late and asking her not to be upset with him. She had to smile and left one of her own, saying she was running behind thanks to a few issues that had to be taken care of before she forgot. She signed off saying that she’d see him soon, then looked over at Garrus. “So, since I apparently have a little time to breathe … you said you wanted to see me?”
“Since you have some time to kill, why don’t you come with me.” He motioned toward one of the nearby skycabs. “I want to show you something. I promise I’ll have you back in plenty of time.”
~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
Garrus was true to his word and dropped Regan off at the Commons, near the elevator. She forced herself to walk calmly through the hall and down the far stairs. As eager as she was to spend some quality time with Kaidan, she was nervous. After everything that happened, even after supposedly clearing the air at the hospital, she wasn’t sure where she stood with him. She wondered if he felt the same way.
Regan headed over to Apollo’s, fighting the urge to wring her hands nervously. She made a concentrated effort not to run, as she wasn’t sure she could stay upright in those heels; it had been near murder trying to shoot in them at Hock’s place. She was a grown woman; there was no need for nerves, right? Everything would be fine. There he was, sitting at a table looking out over the Presidium, his back to her. “Everything is going to be fine,” she whispered to herself as she started toward him.
Kaidan worried that she would already be waiting for him when he finally got to Apollo’s. He hadn’t planned on running late, but he’d been helping Donnelly, Daniels, Adams and Tali down in engineering and gotten a little dirtier than he’d intended. Then he’d had to wait until the showers freed up. He could have used the one in Shepard’s cabin; he slept there often enough to almost consider it his as well, but … it just didn’t feel right, this time. So he’d had to send that message, and he’d asked Garrus to pass it along as well, just in case. Now, clean and dressed, he just … waited, nervously. He sighed as a shadow fell over his table, Kaidan waved away what he thought was the waiter; he didn’t want to order until she arrived.
“So, I’m not who you’re waiting for?” Regan teased, fighting back a giggle as he jumped.
“Shepard, you here,” Kaidan smiled, jumping out of his chair. He hoped he hadn’t sounded too surprised; he knew she would come. It wasn’t her style to stand someone up. As he pulled her chair out for her, he finally got a good look at her, and his jaw just …dropped. “Wow,” he whispered, struggling to keep his voice steady as he scooted her chair under the table. “I … you … just, wow. You look amazing,” he finally managed before taking his seat. He didn’t know where she’d gotten the dress, but he was glad she did; she was gorgeous. “I … I thought we could have a nice dinner outside the mess,” he explained, watching her face break into that teasing smile he remembered so well. “And, somehow, this place still has steak. Kind of surprised they can get supplies for a menu like this.”
Regan laughed as she looked over the menu. “Maybe it’s better if we don’t ask how … or where … they get it.” He was right though; the menu was full of things that were rare for anyplace outside of Earth. She found a couple things that looked good and made her selections before setting the menu down and looking at the man next to her. He was smiling that same smile she remembered and her heart wanted to melt. He was so attractive when he smiled like that. “And thanks. You clean up pretty nice yourself.”
He wanted to reach out and touch her, to run his fingers through her hair again, to do so much. “I’m glad we’re taking the time to do this,” Kaidan murmured softly, settling for resting his hand over hers. “I could use a sanity check.”
“Things have been pretty crazy,” Regan agreed, fighting the urge to grin like an idiot at his touch. They’d bounced around from one issue to the next and it was going to get worse before it got better. But everything seemed a little saner … a little easier when he was at her side. Once he came aboard after getting clearance from the doctors, she felt like she could do anything.
“You know,” he said quietly, unable to tear his eyes away from her. He’d spent three long years not being able to see her; he didn’t want to look away again. A picture was fine in a pinch, but it couldn’t hold a candle to the real deal, sitting next to him now. “My life did flash in front of my eyes on Mars … and there weren’t nearly enough moments like this, with the people I care about ….” He took a moment to just … watch her, smiling shyly. It was strange how much she made him feel like a young man again. “… with you.”
“I had a similar thought,” she admitted quietly. “On Mars, and while you were in the hospital.” She’d been so scared he wasn’t going to make it. She would have given anything to help the doctors get him healed, if they’d asked. But he’d pulled through, and here he was now. “How’re you feeling, anyway? You still doing OK?”
“Feeling up to whatever the Reapers throw at me,” he laughed, nodding. His heart fluttered, hearing she still cared about him. He was still so nervous, so unsure about things between them. He’d done a bang up job ruining what they’d had, he thought. But maybe he was wrong? “And … I’m grateful I could convince you to sit down for half a second and relax … and talk.” She’d been pulled in so many different directions since the Reapers hit, and he hadn’t been there to help her through a lot of it. That killed him. But he was here now, and he was going to do his level best to help get her through the rest.
Regan nodded, glad that her friends were giving her the space she needed … and wanted … for this moment. “Yeah,” she murmured, looking away nervously for just a brief second. She wished she had something to do with her hands … a glass to hold, or something. “I … I think it’s a good time for us to have a real heart-to-heart.” She looked back over and noticed the empty glass sitting near her companion. “What’re you drinking?”
Kaidan laughed, looking down at his forgotten glass. “If you’re trying to butter me up for something,” he grinned, looking back at her, “it might take a nice steak sandwich too.” He watched as she fiddled with the menu briefly before holding it up to show the now ordered steak sandwich … just the way he liked it. “You … remembered?” he whispered, stunned. They hadn’t eaten together, like this, since she was recovering on the Citadel after the battle with Sovereign. That was the last time he’d had what he considered a good steak sandwich … because she had been with him.
Regan winked and nodded, leaning back in her chair. “So?” she prompted, looking at his glass again. She ignored his surprise at her memory; if he knew half of what she remembered, he’d be embarrassed.
“Shot of whiskey and a good Canadian lager,” he finally answered, resisting the urge to take her hand again. “Think they have it?”
“More likely to have Batarian Shard Wine,” she replied with a smirk. Looking over the menu, she didn’t see too many options for human-made alcohol, but there was one decent beer on the list and if her memory served, he actually liked it. So she made her selections … one for him, one for her, and set the menu down again, watching him quietly as he looked out at the passing shuttles.
“At my parents place in Vancouver, I drank more than a few beers on their balcony … looking out over English Bay,” he sighed. The place had been beautiful; he wondered if there was anything left. He’d wanted to take her there so many times … introduce her to his folks. He was sure they’d love her; she was everything he’d ever wanted. “Was a beautiful view.”
“I … I’m sorry I never got to see it,” she said quietly. They had talked about taking a trip together, next shore leave. But that was before her world blew up, literally. She sighed softly and wondered if there was going to be anything left of Earth when this was said and done.
“You know what, though?” Kaidan asked, looking back at her. He hated seeing her look so sad. She was worried about what was coming. He knew that, and he was too, but he had faith … in her, and in them. “I … I feel good about our chances.”
“You do?” She sounded surprised. It was good that someone did, but … why?
“Yeah,” he replied with a shrug. “Lets me sleep better at night.” Well, some nights it did. Others, he found himself sitting up, thinking about her.
“You not sleeping, Kaidan?” She was concerned. It was bad enough that she wasn’t getting the rest she should. That blasted dream kept coming back, sending her to the sink for cold water every time.
“Maybe a little restless,” he answered honestly. It was hard to sleep when your mind was running miles a minute. He watched her face as he spoke, trying to get a read on her feelings. “The war isn’t the only thing keeping me up at night, though,” he admitted. Taking a deep breath, he tried to sound as calm as possible. “I wonder … about us.”
He did what? Was there an ‘us’? She wanted there to be an ‘us’, but … was that possible? “Us?” she repeated quietly, hoping she managed to hide her elation.
Well, she hadn’t run away yet, so that was a good sign. She didn’t look angry, either, so that was a plus too. Kaidan closed his eyes for a moment to calm himself, then sought out those green pools he’d so often thought of losing himself in. “I … I love you, Shepard … Regan. I always have.” He wanted, no needed, her to know just how he felt, what he hoped … what he wanted. And he really hoped she felt the same. “I want to understand what this is between us … and make it real.” He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her forever. He wanted her. “That’s … that’s what I want.” His voice dropped to a nervous whisper, “What … do you want?”
Regan just … stared at him. Did he say what she thought he said? He did, didn’t he? He … loved her! She wasn’t imagining things! When she could finally get her brain to work, she just grinned. She was sure she looked like an idiot, but she didn’t care. “I … I can’t bury what I feel for you anymore,” she answered, almost afraid to move. Surely she was just dreaming. “And I don’t want to.”
He felt like he could sing; it looked like he hadn’t blown his chances after Horizon, after all. Reaching for her hand, he couldn’t help but smile. “And that,” he whispered, bringing her hand up to rest against his cheek. Her skin was so soft; he couldn’t help but enjoy the feel of her hand against his skin. “That makes me so happy.” For a minute, he just sat there, smiling like a fool at the woman of his dreams. This was the best moment of his life. He felt a familiar stirring inside and bit back a faint groan; it seemed something else was remembering her touch as well. “And there are … benefits to that happiness,” he purred, trailing kisses along the heel of her hand and down her wrist before letting go. He thought he saw her shiver and teased, “But more on that, later.”
“Later?” Regan pouted. Feeling his lips on her skin had sent shivers down her spine and reminded her just how much she enjoyed being with him. “We need to get back to the Normandy, ASAP.” She couldn’t help but smile at him, enjoying the fact that they both seemed to be grinning like crazy people.
Just then, the waiter came over with their drinks, and dinners. “Too late,” Kaidan laughed, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “Our drinks and dinner are hear, and I am going to take my time. I want to enjoy every minute I have you all to myself.” He knew that when they got back to the Normandy, she’d be forced to return her attention to the mission. He’d be there with her, every step of the way, but … he wanted her to just … relax, for a while.
Regan couldn’t help but laugh, muttering teasing curses under her breath at the timing of the wait staff. “What’d you call this?” she teased, returning the squeeze. “A sanity check?”
Kaidan laughed and nodded. “Yeah, sanity check.” He winked and turned his attention to the steak in front of him. “Maybe I’m insane for wanting to spend more time with you here, but that’s OK. I don’t mind people knowing I’m crazy about you.”
“Oh, hush up and eat, Kaidan,” she laughed, scooping her sandwich up. “We can stay here as long as you want. And from now on, you have unlimited access to my quarters.” She had to smile when she saw his face light up. She’d missed having him next to her when she slept; his presence was always a comfort to her. “Unless you’d rather keep sleeping in those bunk beds with everyone else.”
“No, no,” Kaidan replied, amazed he could speak at all. She still wanted him … and was giving him the chance to curl up with her every night. How could he say no? Why would he ever say no? “I look forward to seeing you tonight then, Shepard.