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English
Series:
Part 2 of Woven Together
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Published:
2024-09-17
Completed:
2024-09-23
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4,483
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3/3
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18
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Confessions

Summary:

When Gale told them of his condition, several of their number felt betrayed. Others felt sympathetic, hopeful that they might find a cure. Tav found herself somewhere in the middle. But right now, all she felt was hurt. Hurt that Gale hadn’t trusted them–her–enough to come forward with this earlier.

Chapter Text

The mood at camp was tense that night. Gale had finally told them everything: about Karsus, about Mystra, about the Orb. It was a lot to take in, but the important part, as everyone saw it, was that Gale was a liability. A very unstable, catastrophic liability. And he hadn’t thought to warn any of them thus far, he’d just let them believe that his need for magic items was some strange wizardly proclivity. Several of their number felt betrayed. Others felt sympathetic, hopeful that they might find a cure. Tav found herself somewhere in the middle. But right now, all she felt was hurt. Hurt that Gale hadn’t trusted them–her–enough to come forward with this earlier. 

She sat on a fallen log near the edge of camp where she’d set down her supplies. It had been a long day yet again, and she was tired. But the roiling emotions in her head wouldn’t let her rest. She’d give anything for a quiet mind, for once. She slumped forward, put her head in her hands, stared at the ground. She was lost in thought until a voice broke through. 

“May we speak, please?” Gale asked, gentle and apprehensive.

Gale had known he was complicating their adventure. He knew that his newfound companions–his friends, some of them–wouldn’t like what he had to say. But the danger he posed made it impossible for him to stay silent. They had to know the truth, they had a right to it. And yet it still felt like a betrayal, somehow. He wasn’t the mild-mannered, sheltered scholar they all thought him. Or, perhaps he was, but he was someone else too. Someone who had once made a very grave error. 

Tav had listened to his whole story, and he’d held nothing back. He’d laid his heart bare, and left his fate to their judgment. To her judgment, really; she was the de facto leader of their little group. But she’d still asked for everyone else’s opinion, and even asked him what he would do if they parted. She hadn’t acted rashly, and that spoke to her prowess as a leader. He admired her for that. And he was so deeply grateful that she’d allowed him to stay. 

Tav lifted her head and looked up at Gale. “What is it?” she asked. 

Gale tried not to feel guilty for how exhausted she looked. His revelation had only added to her worries. “I wanted to thank you again. For allowing me to stay with you. For…not writing me off as a lost cause,” he said. 

Tav felt a pang of sympathy at that. Gale seemed awfully ready to believe that others would cast him aside without a thought. “Well, leaving you to your own devices seems equally dangerous. Without the protection of the prism, who knows how long you’d have before that orb detonated?” she pointed out. “Safer to keep you here. And besides, I–” Tav stopped herself.

“Yes?”

She sighed. “Well, to be perfectly honest, I’ve grown too fond of you to let you leave just like that,” she confessed, her expression softening. She’d tried very hard to not let her emotions cloud her judgment, to hear everyone else’s opinion on the situation. Perhaps it would have been safer, more practical, to send Gale away to meet his fate alone. But the thought of that tore at her heart in ways she couldn’t describe.

Gale felt his heart catch in his chest as she spoke. For once, he found himself at a loss for words. His life had been a solitary one, filled with study rather than socializing. He had precious few friends, and had only ever had one lover. To hear Tav say that she was fond of him meant quite a great deal, indeed.

“Would you sit down already?” Tav said, trying not to smile at Gale’s stunned expression. “You’re looming.”

Gale chuckled a little, trying not to feel embarrassed. “Right, yes, sorry.” He took a seat next to her, still trying to think of something to say, some way to defuse the tension. He hated seeing her like this, and hated even more the thought that he’d caused her pain.

Tav let out a long sigh, staring ahead into the middle distance. “I know that we only just met,” she began, “and it’s not reasonable to expect everyone you meet to share their deepest secrets. The rational part of my mind understands why you didn’t tell us, but…” Tav tried to organize her thoughts, to explain the storm of emotions she was feeling. She was hampered by the fact that she didn’t quite understand her own emotions. “Every step of this journey just gets harder,” she finally confessed in a whisper. 

Gale had been by her side since they’d met; he’d gone through a fair share of hardship with her, fought by her side. Through it all, Tav had been steadfast and determined, relentlessly optimistic. This, her shoulders slumped and her eyes hollow, was the closest he’d seen her to despair. And he’d been the one to cause it. He wanted to take her hand, to reach out and embrace her. But he held back. That would only make this more difficult, surely. 

“I’m sorry to have put this burden on you,” Gale said softly, his throat feeling tight. “I wish there was another way, but I couldn’t in good conscience keep silent about my condition.” Tav nodded, still not looking at him. Gale felt a pang in his chest that had nothing to do with the Orb. “I promise, though, from here on out, no more secrets,” he said, making an effort at a lighter tone. “I’m an open book. Anything you want to know about Gale Dekarios is yours for the taking.”

The corners of Tav’s mouth lifted in a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. She appreciated his apology, and knew he was sincere. But it was still difficult to wrap her mind around the idea that the man she’d been traveling with, someone she’d grown close to, could suddenly erupt and destroy all life within who knew how large a range. “I’ll hold you to that,” Tav said, sitting up and meeting his gaze again. He looked hopeful, eager for her approval somehow. 

Gale smiled. “Excellent. Anything you’ve been dying to know? Favorite color? Hobbies? Deepest fears?” he joked. He wanted to lighten the mood, see her smile again. Know she wasn’t angry with him. The approval of one woman shouldn’t mean that much to him, he knew rationally. But Tav wasn’t just any woman.

Tav rolled her eyes a little and nudged him with her shoulder as they sat together. But there was something she’d been wondering, a thought forming at the back of her mind. She grew serious again, more hesitant. “Is this… When you gave me that magic lesson, when we were connected by the Weave, I felt you pull away,” she began tentatively. That was putting it mildly; she had felt him shut her out, close off any connection between them. But she’d also felt his sense of regret while doing so. “Was it because of the Orb? Is that why you don’t want to…be close to someone?” She nearly held her breath, waiting for his answer.

Gale dropped his gaze from hers. Astute of her, to cut right to the heart of the matter. He’d sensed her thoughts that night, felt her desire to be close to him. He had never dared to hope she might feel that way about him. He had grown so used to wanting what he couldn’t have. But Tav’s thoughts had come to his mind as clear as day, and he sensed her tenderness, her yearning. 

He had severed the connection between them, afraid of showing more than he ought. Afraid of opening doors that were better left closed. He had learned some modicum of restraint from his recent misadventures, after all. But the embarrassment on Tav’s face in response to that rejection had stung. He’d wanted to explain it all then, to tell her he wanted nothing more than to be with her, body and soul. He couldn’t bring himself to do it then. But he’d said there would be no more secrets between them. And a wizard was only as good as his word. “Yes,” he confessed, a little more subdued now. “My life will end with the destruction of everything around me, and it will happen rather soon, if this pain in my chest is any indication,” he added. “I can’t… I just can’t in good conscience drag someone else down with me. I won’t do that to you,” he said fervently. 

“Gale, all moral lives end,” Tav pointed out. “You’re a human, you’ll only live a handful of decades. We don’t deny ourselves love just because our time here is short,” she insisted.

“This is very different, and you know it,” Gale countered. He got to his feet, wanting to put some distance between himself and this conversation. He’d gone through this in his own head a hundred times before, but it was so different to go through it with someone else. Someone he cared for.

Tav stood as well. “I know,” she conceded. “But what’s the point in denying yourself happiness just because it will end one day?”

Because he didn’t deserve it. Because he’d had a chance at happiness and he hadn’t been contented. Because he’d been careless and thoughtless and selfish in the past and there was no indication that would ever change. A myriad of reasons. And yet they all faded away when he saw how tenderly and sincerely she looked at him.

“I’m not going to stop caring for you just because you don’t believe you deserve it,” Tav continued, her voice little more than a whisper in the evening air. 

Gale’s throat tightened and he took an instinctive step toward her. He always tried to be so careful, so calculating, always considering each move before he made it. But not now. He acted on his desires without considering any consequence, without over-analyzing. He embraced her, sweeping her into his arms and holding her tight to his chest. He felt her respond in kind, resting her head against his shoulder. It was a simple gesture, but it meant the world to him. He replayed her words over in his head. I’m not going to stop caring for you just because you don’t believe you deserve it. It was like she’d read his mind. Gale wondered, then, just how deeply they were really connected.