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Gortash Ain't All That

Summary:

So.. I wrote this, cus I wanted Tav to react to Gortash being called "handsome" by the narrator, despite (in my opinion) being nowhere near so. Couldn't find a fic that did this, though, so decided to do it myself.

(Since it's the narrator saying Gortash is supposed to be handsome, in this one-shot, just assume people on the streets of Baldur's Gate are the ones to have said so closely enough to Tav to be heard.)

Be aware that I have only watched the 'meeting Gortash the first time' scene like ONCE, and it was weeeeeks ago. So if you find the short kind of off, or with plotholes cus of the (intended) seriousness of that scene/the reactions of the characters.. Well. Do me a favor and suspend your disbelief lmao. Or not. Just don't yell at me for this silly little one-shot yeah? Cheers.<3

Enjoy!

Work Text:

“Wait..” Tav said, confusion heavy in their voice, lip twisted with the slightest hint of disgust, as if they were looking upon a bloated corpse rather than a man.

“Yes?” Gortash answered, impatient, while Tav's companion's looked at their leader with worried interest.

“I thought you were supposed to be handsome?” A distinct sound of someone coughing could be heard, while Gortash seemingly flinched back half an inch in sheer disbelief at the audacity.

“Excuse me?” A hint of bitterness lain within the harshly uttered reply.

“I remember people saying you were supposed to be handsome, but... You're not, though! You just look..... Outdated.” Tav frowned, squinting at the astonished Gortash while ignoring Karlach's roaring laughter, as if it would help them suddenly see the rumored beauty.

“What- I will have you know that many find me quite pleasing to look at!” The man's shoulders had risen with tension, lips pulled back to reveal teeth, all of his posture giving off defensive aggression.

“I mean, sure, if you're into the 'midlife crisis deadbeat dad with too much eyeliner' type, maybe... But even then. Hard to imagine.” The most brutal part about Tav's current verbal attack, many would agree, was the blunt-force honesty – that not even a shred of deception could be heard or seen.

All the while Tav was mercilessly shredding Gortash's ego, Karlach was losing the battle of trying to breathe as laughter kept pushing through her, at this point kneeling with dizzyness at the lack of air. Astarion, too, was doing little to hide the sheer amusement felt. Gale and Wyll, each a gentleman of character, were trying to help out Karlach so she didn't faint. Shadowheart was hiding her sharp little smile with a hand, whilst Lae'zel seemed to be mentally agreeing with Tav, giving little nods in the background whilst simultaneously looking all too impatient for a battle.

“ENOUGH!” Clearly Gortash was tired of being humiliated, a snarl in his voice as he tried to re-commandeer attention and focus everyone back onto the previous topic – hatred burning in those dark eyes as they kept looking onto the bemused Tav. “Back to the original discussion, as I was saying-”

And so, with Karlach slowly regaining her senses and air into her lungs, the group miracolously managed to finish the talk without triggering a fight – much to Karlach and Lae'zel's disapproval.