Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Open on a shot of Toronto. "This is Toronto, the capital of North America. Birthplace of funk, where the albino panther roams free." a voice over said as an albino panther rode by on a yacht.

Cut to the source of the voice, standing atop a building. "Beneath my manly size-13 brogues, twenty-one teams are arriving at this historic train station, ready to embark on a race around the world. I’m your host, Don, and this is… the RiDonculous Race!" he said with a smile.

-Theme Song-

As the music played, a shot of the earth was shown. A hand held up a travel tip in front of it before showing silhouettes of the 42 contestants running. It showed shots of the map before zooming to show various photos and means of transportation. It showed a taxi door open before every team’s icon flashed onscreen. The camera showed the logo as a plane flew by and flipped the N.

Cut to Don walking in front of a train station. "Welcome to the Ridonculous Race. Right now, twenty teams from across the country are readying themselves to embark to a race to the death!" He said as someone talked into his earpiece.

"Not to the death? Okay. Let’s meet the teams that aren’t racing to the death!" Don announced before the camera switched into the train with the teams.

"Carrie and Devin, Best Friends." 

Interview: Carrie and Devin

"Devin and I met in the sandbox when we were kids and we haven’t spent a day apart since! If anyone can win this race, it’s us!"

"Yeah, I know Carrie so well, it’s like we’re…” Devin said before noticing Carrie staring at him. "…what are you doing?" Devin asked.

"Oh, uh, lint check! F-for the camera! Woo! Race!" Carrie cheered.

"Kelly and Taylor... Mother and Daughter."

Interview: Kelly and Taylor.

Taylor was filing her nails. "So A, I'm really hot, obviously. And B, I'm pretty much the best at everything I do so unless my mom messes things up we're totally gonna win this race." 

"Taylor and her friends love when I hang with them! I'm known as the 'cool mom'! We're so tight, people mistake us for sisters!" Kelly chuckled.

"Wait, what?!?" Taylor's eyes widened.

"Emma and Kitty, actual sisters."

Interview: Emma and Kitty

"I'm studying international law, so that's going to give us a real edge, which is a good thing because, we're here to win!" Emma smiled.

"And see the world! Meet hot people and have some fun!" Kitty added.

"If there's time for that and there won't be so let's focus on winning, okay?" Kitty sighed. "Good." 

"Noah and Heather, friends and Queen Bees."

Interview: Noah and Heather

"I didn't agree on the name." Noah crossed his arms and glared at Heather.

"Woah, calm down, I think it suits us!" Heather smiled as Noah sighed.

"I found the website of this reality show and decided to bring Heather. We have experience in this sort of field." Noah smirked.

"And we're going to win." Heather smirked.

"Crimson and Ennui, two exceptionally pale teens...." Don said as the camera zoomed in on them and lightning striked. "Okay that's just unnerving."

Interview: Crimson and Ennui

They didn't say anything, merely look at the camera. 

"Okay, next!" Don yelled.

"Leshawna and Tyler, Reality TV Pros." Don said as Tyler cheered.

Interview: Leshawna and Tyler

"Leshawna and I met on Total Drama, and we've gone on many reality tv shows after that!" Tyler explained.

"We know how these work, and we're going to win." Leshawna smirked as they high fived.

"Mickey and Jay, identical Twins who are used to overcoming Adversity." Don said as several pieces of luggage fell on them.

Interview: Mickey and Jay

"We’ve both been through a lot, but we’re not cursed! Well, whatever’s right before cursed. Heh, that’s us!" Mickey explained.

"Like, when I was six, I fell into a burrowing owls nest and one of the baby owls flew into my ear. To this day, everything still sounds like ‘hoo, hoo, hoo’!" Jay said.

"We’re constantly fighting adversity and overcoming it!" 

"We’ve gotta switch sides, you’re just… ‘hoo, hoo, hoo’!" They both sighed.

"The totally in love daters, Stephanie and Ryan. Eugh." Don shuddered.

Interview: Stephanie and Ryan.

"Stephanie and I met at the gym two months and six days ago, and we’ve been going steady ever since!" Ryan explained.

"We’re so excited! Neither of us have ever traveled before, there’s so much to discover! Like, what do chocolate protein bars taste like in China?" Stephanie thought.

"I was just wondering that!" Ryan said.

"No. Way!" …They proceeded to make out.

The train arrived at its destination, and two ice dancers went out of it. "Josee and Jacques, Ice Dancers."

Interview: Josee and Jacques

"We know how to win. We’ve won gold everywhere!" Jacques explained.

"Except for the Olympics. Or that Ice Skating show. Where he dropped me so we only got silver." 

Jacques bolted up and screamed. "I don’t want to talk about it!" he ran out of the room.

"Jacques! Silver is his least favorite color." Josee explained.

"Geoff and Brody, lifelong friends and Surfer Dudes." Don said.

Geoff looked to the camera and laughed. "Going around the world on someone else’s time. S-weet! Hey Bridge, love you babe!" he said.

Interview: Geoff and Brody

"My girl and I did Total Drama, but she's surfing her way around Australia right now, so boom! Entre, my bud, Brody!" Geoff smiled.

"Yeah guy! Bros forever! G and B for the W-I-N!" Brody said as they fistbumped.

Cut to the teams making it to Don. "Right this way teams! Over here!" 

"Also competing, Dwayne and Dwayne Jr., Father and Son." Don said.

Interview: Dwayne and Junior

"Oh I spend a lot of time at the old office there so this race is a perfect chance for junior and I to squeeze in a little father son bonding time! Right bucko?" Dwayne chuckled.

"Uh.. yeah, sure dad! Hey, uhm, are there any other kids my age in this thing?" Junior asked.

"Oh.. uh." Dwayne looked around.

"Sanders and MacArthur, ambitious police cadets." Don said as they ran.

Interview: Sanders and MacArthur.

"We're tough as nails, and we'll go to the extreme to win this thing!" MacArthur said. 

"Definetely. As long as we don't break any international laws!" Sanders added.

"I'm good to break a few." MacArthur smiled.

"...Lorenzo and Chet, new stepbrothers."

Interview: Lorenzo and Chet

"My mom married his dad last year, but we still hate eachother, so they're making us do this! Reluctantly. Jerks!" Lorenzo complained, as Chet pushed him.

"Don't call my mom a jerk, jerk!" Chet said as they kept fighting.

"Speaking of reluctant, Owen and Alejandro. Reluctant Allies." Don said.

"Woohoo!" Owen cheered as he offered Alejandro a high five, who declined. "Don't leave me hanging!"

Interview: Owen and Alejandro

"Al and I met on Total Drama! We've been best buds ever since! Though I don't know why our team name is "Reluctant Allies." Owen shrugged as he walked away. Alejandro sighed.

"Izzy, Eva, Heather and I had a sleepover at Owen and Noah's apartment. And I got dared to join Noah and Heather in this show with Owen as my teammate. This will be dreadful." Alejandro shook his head.

"Also competing, Tom and Jen, highly attractive fashion bloggers with impeccable taste...... I told you not to let the teams write their own cards." Don sighed.

Interview: Tom and Jen

"Hey hey to all our blog followers out there! Wish us luck!" Jen smiled.

"I bet Jen we could win the race but I’d didn’t think she’d actually take me up on it." Tom explained.

"I put my mind to something and it happens." She said as she snapped her fingers.

"Rock and Spud, the Rockers. Now we're talking about cool." 

Interview: Rock and Spud

"Spud wasn’t sure about doing this because he’s not super fit or good at much of anything, except rocking out!" he made guitar noises. "So I said 'You just rock, bud! I’ll carry you!'" ....they continued rocking out.

"Laurie and Miles, granola loving hippie-dipping Vegans." 

Interview: Laurie and Miles

"We want to win so we can donate to our favorite charities." Laurie explained.

"Save the Hunchback Walrus, Goat Milk Eco Warriors, People for the Ethical Treatment of Ants, so many great causes!" Miles smiled.

"Ellody and Mary, scientific Geniuses who say they will use their winnings to support the science community." Don said.

Interview: Ellody and Mary

"Astrophysics is underfunded. Reality shows offer monetary prizes." Ellody explained.

"Conundrum solved." Mary concluded.

"Leonard and Tammy, dedicated Live Action Roleplayers.…whatever that is." Don said in confusion.

Interview: Leonard and Tammy

"Pakithew Island was tough but with Tammy's new spells, huzzah! We'll claim the dragon's eye!" Leonard smirked.

"That's dwarvish for one million." Tammy explained and then played an ocarina.

"Jo and Lightning, Jocks. Although, one is smarter than the other.." Don explained.

Interview: Jo and Lightning

"Total Drama All Stars was just a slight mess-up! The Sha-Lightning totally has it this time!" Lightning cheered.

"Remember that the only reason I invited you was because Brickhead is too busy with fashion school." Jo glared.

"Nuh-uh! It's because I'm amazing and you just had to invite me!" Lightning smirked.

"I already regret my choices."

"And, Gerry and Pete, retired pro Tennis players and friendly Rivals."

Interview: Gerry and Pete.

"We're both very competitive. But for half a mil each? Game on!" Gerry said as they chuckled.

"Maybe we’ll get some new sponsorships! If anyone needs a pitchman for senior’s laxatives…"

"Call his agent!" They said in unison before chuckling.

Everyone lined up at the starting line, with some teams talking.

"Hey guys!" Tyler waved at the Queen Bees.

"How come you guys are here?" Noah asked with a smile.

"Here to earn some money, why else, string bean?" Leshawna smiled.

"Well, I hope you're ready to lose." Heather said.

"Wait, is that Alejandro? With Owen?" Tyler asked. Heather and Noah both smirked.

"Oh, you guys are brutal." Leshawna laughed.

"This isn't so bad- ah!" Jay said in fear of seeing the Goths. The Goths merely blinked.

"You guys ready to rock!?" Rock cheered.

"Totally!" Geoff cheered back as they high fived.

"Any guy catching your attention?" Kitty asked with a smirk.

"No time." Emma glared.

"Welcome, contestants! This is the starting line for your 26 part race around the world! Each part ends at a Chill Zone! Get there fast, because the last team to stand at a Carpet of Completion may be cut from the competition." Don announced, “But the first team to arrive at the last Chill Zone will receive one million dollars!"

Almost everyone cheered or smiled at the mention of the prize. Don approached a totem of himself with a button on its head. His teeth shined. "This is our Ridonculous Tip Box, also known as the Don Box. Press this button to get the travel tips that will lead you through the Ridonculous Race. Ready, teams? Because your race around the world is about to begin. On your marks… get set… race! Wait, watch the face! Not the hair!" Don yelled as everyone began running and immediately trampled him.

The Surfer Dudes, Ice Dancers and Father and Son made it to the Don Box first.

"Race on foot, to the CN tower!" Geoff said as he and Brody started running.

"..and find the Don Box to get your next tip." Dwayne finished as they all ran.

"There's the tower!" Junior shouted.

"Here comes the competition." Jacques said.

"Huh? Where?" Dwayne asked as he turned his head, only to run straight into a trashcan, which he tossed off of him… and right onto the Ice Dancers. "Oh, my bad!" The Reality TV Pros quickly caught up.

"Woah, gross! Are you guys okay?" Tyler asked as he and Leshawna stopped next to them, only for them to toss the trashcan into the air and begin running. "Woah, cool!" Just then, Geoff and Brody passed by and the trash can landed on them. They... didn't stop running. "Go!" Geoff yelled.

"Classic Geoff." Leshawna chuckled as she and Tyler kept running.

"There's the Don Box!" Dwayne yelled as he and his son arrived first at the CN Tower.

"It’s an Either-Or challenge." Junior read as the Ice Dancers and the Reality TV Pros arrived.

"What’s that mean?" Tyler asked.

Geoff and Brody, still with a trashcan on their heads, ran into a lamp post.

Cut to Don inside the tower. "An Either-Or challenge gives teams the choice between two unique challenges. In this case, they can either do Stairs, which entails climbing 144 flights of stairs to reach the world’s tallest observation deck, that’s just under a billion stairs, or Scares, where they’ll take the elevator before getting the scare of a lifetime by doing a sky walk all the way around the outside of the tower. Not to worry though, they’ll be wearing helmets. And as an extra precaution, a safety rail has been installed." Don explained, only for the rail to fall off.

"Teams must finish either task and then talk to this local guide to receive their next tip." Don explained as he walked past a part-time worker who looked oddly familiar.

Cut to Sanders reading the tip. "144 flights of stairs? Yeah, we’ll do scares." she said as she and MacArthur ran inside.

"Scares." Tom said as he read the tip.

"Stairs!" Jo said as she and Lightning ran up to the stairs.

"Let's do stairs." Ryan said as he and Stephanie read the tip.

As Chet and Lorenzo fought over their tip, Chet let go of it, sending Lorenzo to the ground before saying. "Scares! Called it!"

"…Stairs." Mickey said as he held he and Jay’s tip.

Interview: Jay and Mickey

"Mickey gets nosebleeds when he goes up too high too fast. Makes it pretty tough to take flights or, y’know, go up really tall towers." Jay explained as he pulled the tip away from Mickey.

"Gah! Paper cut!" Mickey yelped.

Cut to Dwayne and Junior entering the elevator. "First in, alright! Way to go, Junior! Give me a high-five!" he said as he leaned down to high-five his son… only to miss and slam his hand into the elevator buttons. All 144 of them. Junior glared at him. "Hehe, oops."

Interview: Dwayne and Junior.

"For a skinny tower, there sure are a lot of floors!" Dwayne said. Junior was glaring at the camera.

Dwayne whistled as he and Junior walked out of the elevator while the Surfer Dudes, Police Cadets, Fashion Bloggers, Ice Dancers, Queen Bees, Daters, and Stepbrothers walked in. "Hey, who pushed all the buttons!?" Geoff asked.

"Better take the stairs!" MacArthur said as they all ran out of the elevator, aside from Tom, Jen, Noah, Heather and Sanders.

"Or we could just wait?" Sanders asked.

“Hustle!” MacArthur yelled as Sanders ran after her.

"No way can I walk that much." Noah said.

“Meh, this’ll probably still be faster.” Jen told Noah as the elevator door closed.

Cut to Dwayne and Junior climbing the staircase. "If anyone asks, we chose stairs. Always stairs." he said as the Twins followed close behind.

“While Father and Son and the Adversity Twins commit to climbing the absurd number of stairs, more teams choose Scares." Don said as the camera cut to almost everyone else at the bottom floor. “But they’re in for a long wait.”

Cut to Tom and Jen in the elevator as it opened on every single floor. They turned to the camera. "Hey hey, Fashion Blog followers! We would like to take this time to talk about today’s fashion faux pas, which is…." Jen began as the door opened in front of a janitor in overalls.

"Overalls. Ugh. Nasty." Tom said.

"I know, right? Ugh, like, get with today!" Jen added. Heather and Noah looked at eachother and then raised an eyebrow to the camera.

Interview: Heather and Noah

"Why did we sign up for this show again?" Noah asked.

"This was your idea." Heather narrowed her eyes at Noah.

"Right.."

Cut to Tom and Jen arriving on the top floor, with the janitor’s mop and bucket on their heads. Their mood changed once they looked around. "I don’t see any other teams… we’re in first place! Yes!" Jen yelled.

"Let’s hit the skywalk and strut all the way to the winner’s circle!" Tom said as they approached the door to the skywalk. Heather and Noah walked out of the elevator while chuckling and followed them.

"We are so the team to beat." Jen said smugly. That smugness soon dropped when they actually stepped outside. "We have to walk out here!?"

"Well that's a slight inconvenience." Noah sighed.

"Oh yes it is. The Ridonculous Race will return!" Don said.

Cut back to the teams on the stairs. "Those that abandoned the elevator are in for a painful climb, and frankly, that’ll be more fun to watch." Don said before the camera cut to the Adversity Twins.

"On the upside, we're definetely not in last place! On the downside, that probably won't be true for long.." Mickey said as they kept running up the stairs.

Cut to Kelly and Taylor arriving at the bottom floor. "Ugh! Thanks for being slow, now we’re in a race for last place. When we get home, hire yourself a personal trainer." Taylor told her mom.

"Great idea, sweetie!" Kelly replied.

"I know, that’s why I thought of it." Taylor replied in frustration. Alejandro raised an eyebrow to this.

Interview: Alejandro

"How can one talk to their mother in such a tone?" Alejandro shook his head disapprovingly.

Cut back to the stairs. "Sweet form, dudes! Keep it up!" Brody told the Twins as he and Geoff passed them.

"They seem nice." Mickey said.

"No alliances, remember?" Jay said.

Interview: Mickey and Jay

"Jay doesn't think we should form any alliances." Mickey explained.

"We're soft meat." Jay said.

"Really soft meat." Mickey sighed.

Cut to Jo and Lightning, who just passed the twins.

"Hey Jo, does that guy remind you of Cameron?" Lightning asked as he was talking about Jay.

"Hmph, he's pathetic and scrawny. Definetely like that nerd. We should eliminate them." Jo smirked.

"They also seem nice." Mickey smiled.

Cut to Sanders catching her breath. "Ugh… thighs on fire… so queasy…." she said, only for MacArthur to lift her over her shoulder.

"So, you’re one of those skinny-fat people who can’t climb ten flights of stairs without spewing chunks, huh? What do you do, yoga?" MacArthur mocked.

"As most of the teams continue to climb or wait… and wait… and wait some more…" Don said as the camera showed Owen eating some beans while Alejandro glared at him, Leonard meditating, Tammy polishing her ocarina, the Goths looking blankly at the camera and Tyler using Spud as a punching bag while Rock and Leshawna looked at eachother with an eyebrow raised.

"The Fashion Bloggers and the Queen Bees are the first to reach the observation deck, but the Scare might be too much for them. Well.. for the Bloggers at least."

"We can’t go out on that death walk! I am fashionably svelte! The wind will literally blow me away!" Tom told the tip person while he and Jen hugged in fear. The tip person rolled his eyes. Noah and Heather were already outside, walking on the deck. They were wearing helmets.

Just then, the elevator reached the bottom floor. "With the return of the elevator, the competition is heating up!” Don’s voiceover said. Only the Best Friends, Tennis Rivals, Goths, Sisters, Geniuses, and Vegans could make it in however, as Emma mashed the close door button as soon as possible, leaving the Mother and Daughter, LARPers, Reality TV Pros, Rockers, and Reluctant Allies in a five-way tie for last.

"Rude." Taylor complained.

"Wow, cool robe!" Owen complimented Leonard. Alejandro rolled his eyes.

"It has cloaking powers! Observe! Disappearacus Convincicus!" Leonard yelled before putting his arm in front of his face. "Can’t see me anymore, can ya?" He asked smugly. Alejandro blinked at the sight of this.

"Uh... we're going to go over there." Owen said as he and Alejandro walked away.

"I told you not to do that." Tammy sighed.

"How come your little friend isn't doing anything about Tyler?" Leshawna asked Rock, while Tyler was still using Spud as a punching bag.

"Oh, Spud is like a human bean bag. He won't do anything about it." Rock smiled smugly.

"Cool." Leshawna smirked as they fist bumped.

Cut to Tom and Jen complaining about the helmets provided by the tip guy. "He-Helmets!? Are you crazy!? You want us to ruin our hair!? No, I did not sign up for that!" Tom complained.

"Plus, aubergine really isn’t my color." Jen said.

"It’s not, trust."

The tip giver just looked at the camera with an eyebrow raised.

Cut back to the stairs. Junior was still in the lead, though Dwayne had fallen behind as the Surfer Dudes and the Jocks ran past him. "Doing great, bro! Our calves are gonna be so toned after this!" Geoff said.

"Yeah, totally! We’re gonna look like Greek Gods from the knees down!" Brody said.

"Psh, Lightning already IS a Greek God!" Lightning smirked smugly. Jo sighed.

Jacques and Josee stopped briefly to wave to the camera. “Hello, to all our fans! We love you!" Josee said as they sent a kiss to the camera.

"Put me down, I can do this!" Sanders said to MacArthur.

"I beg to differ, chicken legs." MacArthur replied.

Interview: MacArthur and Sanders

"It’s all in the glutes! I only use the stair machine at the gym. I’m basically 80% glutes at this point, they’ve taken over the rest of my muscles. You see this? That’s glutes." MacArthur smirked as she flexed. "It’s all glutes."

"After an hour of stair climbing, some of our contestants are really losing it." Don said as the camera cut to the Stepbrothers, who were exchaused.

"If we come in last, it’s your fault… doofus!" Chet said in between breaths.

"Hurry up… and climb faster… slowpoke!" Lorenzo replied.

"Stop breathing on my back… sweatball!"

Cut to the Adversity Twins, who weren't doing much better. "Stay with me, Mickey. Eyes wide!” Jay said.

“It’s okay, mom, I don’t need a new elephant….” Mickey replied with widened eyes.

"This is why we don’t visit a lot of skyscrapers." Jay sighed.

Cut to the second elevator arriving at the tip floor, "There’s the skywalk, come on!" Devin said as he and Carrie ran past Tom and Jen and grabbed their helmets.

"Hold on, I need to make sure my helmet is disinfected before we do this!" Tom said, causing a line. Ellody glared at him.

Cut to Carrie and Devin on the skywalk. "Oh man…." Devin yelled nervously.

"Okay, you’ve always wanted to conquer your fear of heights, right?" Carrie asked.

"I'm not scared of heights, I’m scared of falling! Big difference."

"Don’t worry, it’s a tv competition! It’s gotta be safe!" Carrie reassured him, as the two watched a bird that looked like Scott, land on the safety net… and make it completely collapse. If it couldn't get worse for Devin's nervousness, they saw ahead that Noah had gotten blown by the wind and Heather was barely holding onto him.

"DON'T. LET. GO!" Noah yelled.

Interview: Heather and Noah

"You need to gain some muscle. We spent so long on that part of the challenge just because you kept being blown away!" Heather crossed her arms.

"Okay." Noah deadpanned. Heather looked at the camera, clearly knowing that wasn't going to happen.

Admist the chaos, Gerry and Pete managed to get on the skywalk and ran ahead, while chuckling. "Ha! Now we’re ahead! Way to snooze, knuckleheads!"

"You can do it! I believe in you!" Carrie told Devin.

"That makes one of us…." Devin replied as they began to slowly follow the Tennis Rivals and the Queen Bees.

Cut to the elevator, which had arrived back at the bottom floor. "Make way for two more!" Owen yelled as he and Alejandro approached the elevator. Alejandro, being faster, made it to it first.

“Sorry, no room.” Taylor said as she tried to push the close door button.

"Oh yes there is!" Leshawna grunted as she pulled Owen into the elevator.

"Thanks, Leshawna." Owen chuckled.

Meanwhile, more teams were on the skywalk. The wind blew Gerry and Pete back behind Carrie and Devin. "That’s it! Just put one foot in front of the other! I’m so proud of you, Devin!" Carrie said.

"I couldn’t do it without you, pal!" Devin replied as Carrie smiled. "Not going to die, not going to die, not going to die…." He muttered to himself.

Cut to Emma, who briefly stopped to see her sister taking several selfies. "This is so cool!" Kitty yelled.

"Focus! This is life or death!" Emma replied.

"Come on, look at what we’re doing, it’s incredible! I feel so alive!"

"Yeah, I'll make sure they put that quote on your gravestone." Emma said as she grabbed Kitty.

"Promise me you’ll never let go!" Jen yelled as she and Tom held onto each other.

"Never!" Tom replied. "Can you believe people pay to do this?"

"We’re doing this for you, Mother Earth! Don’t kill us!" Laurie yelled.

Cut back to the stairs. "Coming through, Cadets for the win!" MacArthur yelled.

"Not for long!" Jacques replied.

"The last elevator has arrived." Don said as the final elevator made it to the top. "But while those teams still have to take the dreaded skywalk, teams who take the stairs are literally leaping into the lead."

On cue, Jacques, Josee, Jo and Lightning leapt out of the door from the stairwell, all drenched in sweat. "First place?" Josee asked.

The tip giver nodded and gave Jacques and Jo the tip. "Catch a flight with a zip, ride the line your tip." Jo read.

"Eh? Qu'est ce que c'est?" Jacques asked.

"Teams must take a zip line over Lake Ontario to this airport and snag their next tip along the way. The line was tested this morning by our intern, Andrew." Don said as the camera showed a hat in the water. "Condolences again to his family."

Jacques and Josee immediately leapt onto the zip line, Josee grabbing the tip with ease. "Go Team Canada!" Jacques yelled. "Yes!"

"Quick! We can't be left behind!" Lightning said as they lept onto the zip line, Jo grabbing the tip with relative ease.

"Come on let's go!" Heather yelled as she and Noah ran.

"Oh man, thank goodness." Devin sighed in relief as he, Carrie, Gerry and Pete ran back inside.

Pete fell to the ground. "Ow! Oh, my artificial knees just gave out!" He yelled.

Interview: Pete and Gerry

"Gotta say, agreeing to do this show was a great idea. We’ve been through way tougher battles than any of these kids. So what if they’re got more zing, more ambition, more blind optimism, more…- this show was a terrible idea." Pete sighed.

Cut to MacArthur and Sanders arriving at the top. "Finally!" Sanders said as MacArthur dropped her.

"Yup! Now it’s your turn. Carry me." MacArthur said.

"What!?"

"Ha! I’m joking! You couldn’t carry a loaf of bread!"

Interview: MacArthur and Sanders

"Don’t worry, I’m sure a lot of teams are carrying some dead weight." MacArthur.. 'reassured' her.

"What? Are you referring to me?" Sanders asked, clearly insulted.

Carrie finished reading her travel tip. "Zipline? I’ve always wanted to do that!" Carrie said.

"Zipline? I never wanted to do that!" Gerry yelled.

"Why did you come to this show?" Heather asked.

Cut to Jacques and Josee arriving at the mattresses at the bottom of the zipline before waving at the camera, "Thank you! We love you! Merci!" Josee said.

"Who are you waving to? There’s nobody here." Don said.

"Our fans!" Jacques and Josee said in unison.

Interview: Josee and Jacques

"Our fans give us the energy we need to perform under extreme pressure. Without them, my partner Jacques would never be able to overcome his 'many' faults." Josee smirked.

"Uh, why do you say ‘many’ like that?" Jacques asked.

"You know why."

"Eh? Book two seats on the next flight of Morocco." Jacques read the tip as Jo and Lightning arrived at the mattresses. Lightning grabbed and read the tip.

"Sha-Sweet! We're going to Maracow!" Lightning read.

Interview: Lightning and Jo

"Marocaw? Morocow? Moraco-" Lightning attempted to say 'Morocco.' Clearly, he wasn't able to.

"It's not that difficult!" Jo snapped.

"There are three flights heading for Morocco, departing thirty minutes apart. Teams who make it onto the first flight have the distinct advantage of arriving first. Teams on the last flight should probably question why they even entered this race, because, wow, really?" Don said.

Interview: Alejandro and Owen

"Last time on a reality show, I didn't win and was shamed. This time, no distractions. I'm only here to win." Alejandro smirked.

"And to taste the food!" Alejandro glared at Owen. "Winning! Woo!"

Cut to Heather and Noah, where Noah grabbed the tip. Carrie grabbed the tip as she and Devin ziplined. "We did it! You are the best!" Devin said. Carrie chuckled while blushing. Heather noticed this and smirked.

Interview: Devin and Carrie

"I had to do the race with Carrie. She’s, smart, fast, and determined!"

"Aww…."

"And my girlfriend Maggie was busy."

Interview: Heather and Noah

"I can read those two like a book. My guess? Childhood bestfriends where the girl secretly likes the guy but she doesn't have the heart to tell him." Heather said while filing her nails.

"Isn't my partner great?" Noah smirked.

Cut to Gerry and Pete on the zipline. "Need a hand?" Gerry asked before pushing Pete off and laughing as he fell into the water below.

"That was for Wimbledon in ‘77!" Gerry yelled as he fell. He then proceeded to grab the tip. "Gotcha!" He then screamed as he fell into the water below because.... he grabbed it with both hands.

Cut to Alejandro and Owen, where Miles was about to fall, only for Alejandro to catch her.

"Be careful, chica." Alejandro gave her a flirty smile. Miles giggled and went back to Laurie.

"You're really good with the ladies, Al." Owen smiled. Unbeknownst to him, Alejandro's eye twitched. Tyler and Leshawna, who were behind them, chuckled.

Interview: Alejandro

"How is one man so idiotic?" Alejandro complained.

"Dude, check this out!" Rock said as he and Spud arrived on the skywalk. He spit forward, only for the wind to blow it back into Spud’s face. Spud glared at him. "Heh, sorry!"

Interview: Rock and Spud

"The wind was howling like whooosh, and the spit hit his face like splat! And then there was this bird and it was like caw, caw! Right Spud?" Rock smiled.

"Oh yeah, totally. Caw! Caw!" Spud replied.

Cut to MacArthur and Sanders at the zipline. "Whoever grabs the tip gets top bunk back at our dorm room!" MacArthur said.

"I already have the top bunk." Sanders smiled smugly.

"Not for long." MacArthur said as they slid down.

Cut to the Surfer Dudes reaching the top. "Yeah! We did it!" Brody said before collapsing.

"Oh no!" Geoff gasped.

"Agh, my calves, my calves!" Brody groaned, as Father and Son and the Daters came up. Dwayne was exhausted as Junior ran.

"...Good job.. pal." Dwayne said between breaths.

"We did it baby!" Stephanie cheered, only for Ryan to pick her up. "Watch your step, sweetcheeks." Stephanie smiled. "I love it when you get all gentlemen-like!"

Cut to the Reality TV Pros and Reluctant Allies running inside. Tyler and Owen were cheering.

The Geniuses walked in soon after, covered in splattered bugs, “Well, that was illuminating.” Ellody said as a fly flew out of Mary’s mouth.

Interview: Ellody and Mary

"Judging by the splatter, the wind velocity was 45 knots." Ellody said.

"Twenty more and we'd be splattered." Mary added.

Cut to Devin and Carrie reading their travel tip in unison. "Morocco!? Woohoo!" they yelled before running off. Meanwhile, Sanders managed to grab the travel tip.

Cut to more and more teams finishing up their skywalk while Brody was still in pain on the floor. "Leg cramp! Leg cramp!" Brody yelled.

“Just keep breathing, bro! Let me hear it!” Geoff said as the Stepbrothers arrived.

Meanwhile, more teams arrived at the mattresses, in order being the Police Cadets, Sisters, Vegans, Reluctant Allies, Reality TV Pros, Father and Son, Fashion Bloggers, Mother and Daughter and Daters, before they all began their race to the airport. "As more teams reach the tarmac and get seats on flights one and two, the race to not come in last intensifies." Don explained.

Cut to Jay dragging Mickey by Geoff and Brody. "Almost there Mickey.. stay with me." Jay said.

"I am a dainty princess.." Mickey replied.

"Come on, bro! We’ve gotta move!" Geoff said as he dragged Brody along.

"Potassium! Need potassium!" Brody yelled.

"Does anybody have a banana!?" Geoff asked before approaching the tip guy. ".hey, haven’t I seen you somewhere before?"

The tip guy, remembering his time on the Total Drama Aftermath, nervously gave Geoff the tip and ran away.

Cut to the Stepbrothers fighting. "Get off! I snagged it, I read it!" Lorenzo complained as they reached the termac, only for the Surfer Dudes to land ontop of them. "Sorry, thanks for breaking our fall, dudes! Morocco? Awesome!" Geoff cheered before hopping off of them... only for the Adversity Twins to land on top of the Stepbrothers.

"We did it! Oh, uh, sorry." Mickey said.

"Take the next flight to Morocco. Come on!" Jay said.

"Yay. Flying." Mickey said nervously as all the other teams arrived, with the Tennis Rivals finally crawling out of the water. A turtle was biting Gerry and a fish was on top of Pete.

The teams have arrived and the flights have been booked. Flight number one will carry the Ice Dancers, Jocks, Queen Bees, Police Cadets, Best Friends, Sisters and the Daters. Flight number two will carry the Vegans, Reluctant Allies, Reality TV Pros, Father And Son, Fashion Bloggers, Mother and Daughter, and Geniuses. And finally, flight number 3 has the LARPers, Rockers, Goths, Surfers, Adversity Twins, Stepbrothers and Tennis Rivals. Who will win the first jaunt in our race? Tune into next time to find out! The Ridonculous Race is to be continued!” Don said to sign off the episode.

Chapter Text

"Last time on the Ridonculous Race! Twenty-one teams started a race around the world. After a lot of running, waiting and even more running, confronting fears and pushing themselves further than I thought possible, everyone reached the airport and booked themselves to three different flights to Marocaw- Morocco. Flight number one with seven teams has already departed. The next seven teams are on flight number two, which is about to take off. Meanwhile, the LARPers, Rockers, Goths, Surfers, Adversity Twins, Stepbrothers and Tennis Rivals flight will not be departing for another hour. Will one of these teams suffer the Ultimate Reality Show Humiliation and get kicked off first? Time to find out! This is, the RiDonculous Race!" Don said as he smiled.

-Theme Song-

As the music played, a shot of the earth was shown. A hand held up a travel tip in front of it before showing silhouettes of the 42 contestants running. It showed shots of the map before zooming to show various photos and means of transportation. It showed a taxi door open before every team’s icon flashed onscreen. The camera showed the logo as a plane flew by and flipped the N.

"14 teams are already on their way to Morocco. Seven are still at the airport, waiting anxiously." Don said.

"Sanitizer?" Mickey asked.

"No need. I made a point of not touching anything. Juice?" Jay offered. He was wearing kitchen mittens. Suddenly, Leonard and Tammy appeared from behind the couch.

"Greetings Gentlemen! What say you to an amalgamation of adversaries? A weaving of wizards and dopplegangers to rule them all!" Leonard said as he threw some confetti.

"Ah! I'm allergic to confetti!" Jay panicked and ran away.

"Jay! Your lotion!" Mickey quickly ran to catch up with him. Tammy sighed.

Interview: Leonard and Tammy

"I told you not to do that when offering to be in an alliance." Tammy said.

"Sorry, I get kind of too into the whole wizard thing." Leonard scratched his head.

Cut to Spud and Rock waiting anxiously for the plane.

"Spud and I have never been on a plane before! Not scared though! I've seen lots of planes on TV. It would be cool to be on TV on a plane, right Spud?" Rock asked.

"Uh, oh yeah! I love that actress. Anabelle, was it?" Spud thought.

"Nichelle." Rock corrected.

Meanwhile, Chet was on a phone call.

"I'm telling you this won't work Mom! We're not going to be friends! Because Lorenzo is a poo head! Can't you just divorce his dad?" Chet complained.

"Hey, is that my dad?!" Lorenzo asked.

"No, my mom!"

"DAD! YOU GOTTA DIVORCE CHET'S MOM!" Lorenzo yelled, as they fought over the phone.

"Man, those dudes seem awesome." Brody pointed to the Stepbrothers. Geoff nodded and smiled.

"Totally." Rock agreed.

Cut to the LARPers, who were.. talking to the Goths. Tammy wasn't very happy.

"Salutations! We wish to propose an alliance! Surely you shall not say, nay?" Leonard asked. Crimson sighed as they walked off. Tammy facepalmed as Leonard blinked.

Interview: Leonard and Tammy

"Tammy and I first met in ninth grade! And we were immediately very close!" Leonard explained.

"We were stuffed in the same locker." Tammy added.

"And a friendship was formed as we calmly ate our lunches and waited for the janitor to locate the bolt cutters!" Leonard said.

"Morroco! Originally named Italy, until it was discovered there already was an Italy. Home to scorchingly hot foods, as well as scoechingly hot deserts! Flight number one has just landed! Now the teams must find the Don Box and collect the next travel tip." Don said as the Ice Dancers, Jocks, Queen Bees, Police Cadets, Best Friends, Sisters and the Daters ran in.

"The Spice Is Right. It's an All-In!" Jacques yelled.

"An All-In requires that both team members take part in the challenge! In this case, teams must make it their way to Yousuf's spice kiosk and choose five spices from the bountiful array! Some are- OW!" Don yelped in pain as Yousuf slapped his hand away from the spices. "Some are sweet, but some are so blisteringly hot they'll turn your tummy into a volcano of pain!" Don smirked.

"It says pick five spices from the kiosk. Ideally Cumin, Cinnamon.." Devin read.

"Paprika, Saffron.." Heather read.

"And Ginger to receive your next travel tip." Jo finished as the rest of the teams stepped over her and Lightning.

"Sha-Ow.." Lightning whispered.

"Come on let's go!" Jo yelled as they got up. Multiple "Taxi's!" were heard.

Cut to Heather and Noah who were inside of a taxi.

"We once went into an authentic Indian restaurant. Heather boasted about how she could easily handle the spice..." Noah smirked. Heather glared at him.

"So what if my tounge was literally on fire?! You didn't warn me about how spicy it would be!" Heather ctossed her arms.

"...I literally did." Noah blinked. Heather 'hmhped.'

"My point is, I know spices. We're fine." Noah concluded.

Cut to Ryan and Stephanie.

"I know a lot about spices. I eat them in restaurants." Stephanie smiled.

"She does! You do.. and I love that you know about them!" Ryan smiled.

"I love how you love that!" Stephanie said as they... started making out god fucking damn i-

Cut to Lightning and Jo.

"After dealing with that Heather gal on that plane in Revenge of the Island, I've been pretty scared of flying. So.." Lightning pulled out a bear with a lightning bolt on it.

"His name's Mr.Shock." Lightning boasted. Jo sighed.

"Meanwhile teams on flight number two prepare for cold harded battle." Don said.

"Oh I'd look so good at that!" Jen smiled as she was reading a fashion newspaper. Tom's snoring was quite loud so she.. put a mask on him that had a bag attached to it.

Cut to Owen and Alejandro, where Owen was yelling. Alejandro was clearly done with it so he stuffed a.. stuffed bear into his mouth. Owen smiled.

"Uh, are you okay dude?" Tyler smirked.

"Just. Fine!" Alejandro grunted.

Interview: Alejandro and Owen

"Even after Total Drama, I'm still scared of flying! So... his name's Beary." Owen said as he pulled out a stuffed bear.
"Get it?"

"Because he's a bear." Alejandro deadpanned as Owen laughed.

"Yeah! He keeps me calm when I fly. Al doesn't like him but, he likes Al! Oh yes I do!" Owen said as he pressed the bear onto his face.

"Why do you even have that? No one else on this race has a stuffed bear." Alejandro rolled his eyes.

"Some of the teams from flight one have reached the spice kiosk." Don said.

"These aren't labeled! Hey why aren't they labeled?" MacArthur asked.

"It's this one! This is cinnamon! This is cinnamon!" Carrie said excitedly as she was pointing at the.. cinnamon.

Interview: Carrie and Devin

"Cinnamon! Cinnamon! Cinnamon!" Devin repeated as they laughed.

"You totally would have missed it homie!" Carrie chuckled.

"Haha! We call eachother homie." Devin explained. "And as if I would have missed it."

"I'm the one who lives for cinnamon lattes!" Carrie pointed out.

"Yeah which you constantly spill on me!" Devin replied as Carrie laughed.

"Fair enough. I'll never doubt your ability to detect cinnamon again."

"This is bland. Can we go somewhere else?" Don asked.

Cut to Stephanie sniffing the spices.

"Wait! That's Cumin! Yes!" Stephanie said as Yousuf was about to scoop it up. "No wait! Uh, wait! Yes! No! Yes! Scoop it!" Stephanie yelled.

"Much better." Don said.

Cut to many fingers pointing at spices.

"That's five." Jacques smirked as they got their bag and the next travel tip.

"After selecting five spices the teams get their next travel tip from Yousuf." Don said.

"Eugh! We have to ride to a restaurant in the desert, on a camel!" Jacques shuddered. The teams ran as the Police Cadets stayed behind.

"Is there a restaurant around here?" Sanders asked as she got no answer. "A RESTAURANT! WE LOOKING FOR EAT-" Sanders was grabbed by MacArthur.

"Easy, Sanders. He's not deaf, he just speaks another language! Sorry about that." MacArthur said as Yousuf looked grateful, only for MacArthur to come up in his face.

"I AM SORRY! APOLOGIZEO, YOU UNDERSTAND?" MacArhur asked as Sanders rolled her eyes.

Cut to the Police Cadets, the Best Friends, the Daters and the Ice Dancers on the camels.

"Gross! Man, do these camels stink!" Carrie complained. As MacArthur sniffed herself.

"Eugh. Uh- She's RIGHT! It's the uh- it's the camels!" MacArthur yelled.

"As the first teams fly off into the desert, flight number two arrives in Morocco." Don said as Vegans, Reluctant Allies, Reality TV Pros, Father And Son, Fashion Bloggers, Mother and Daughter, and Geniuses ran in.

A bunch of taxis ran by. Taylor and Kelly clearly didn't get into one.

"Taxi! Hurry up, Mom!" Taylor yelled as they ran.

Cut to Dwayne and Junior who were in a taxi.

"We're headed straight for spice town! We're doing great pal!" Dwayne cheered as Junior sighed.

Interview: Dwayne and Junior

"I'm Dwayne. This is Junior."

"They already know that."

"Uh we're the Father And Son Team."

"They know that too Dad!"

"Well, we're going to win this thing! Bet they didn't know that, eh! News flash! Just in! Father And Son team win the million!" Dwayne said as he started flexing. Junior was... confused to say the least.

"Meanwhile flight number three is in the air and teams discuss some strategy." Don said.

"If you try with a higher arc, you're boss!" Geoff said as he and Brody were eating some pretzels.

"I won't let you down dude." Brody said as he threw a pretzel into Gerry's mouth. He and Pete had many pretzels on them. They were sleeping.

"Score!" Brody cheered.

Cut to the Queen Bees, Jocks and the Sisters picking up their spices.

"Simple enough." Noah said as he started pointing at some spices. Emma took note of this.

Interview: Emma and Kitty

"Why were you looking at that guy?" Kitty asked.

"Simple, he seemed knowledgeable enough about the spices. Also he helped me double check some of my guesses. No romantic involvement, whatseover." Emma crossed her arms.

"Sure..." Kitty smirked as Emma glared at her.

"The other teams are coming!" Lightning yelled as three taxis pulled up.

"Let's just pick out any five!" Jo suggested as Reluctant Allies, Father And Son and Reality TV Pros came out of their taxis.

"Let's do that as well. Come on!" Alejandro said as Yousuf raised an eyebrow.

"Don't worry, his teammate can eat anything. I once saw him chew on half a shower curtain." Noah smirked as he and Heather left. Tyler and Leshawna chuckled.

"There were pictures of cupcakes on it!" Owen smiled. Emma laughed but quickly shut herself up when she saw Kitty smirking at her.

"Let's go." Emma said as they left. Alejandro raised an eyebrow.

Interview: Alejandro

"That girl seems strangely familiar." Alejandro thought.

"Uhm.. let's just also pick out any five!" Dwayne smiled. Junior sighed.

Interview: Dwayne and Junior

"It's not a man's job to know spices! In ancient times, women were the spice collectors and men were the hunters! Ah, those were the days. Men had the power-"

"You know Mom's going to see this on TV, right?" Junior asked.

"And times have changed! Yay!" Dwayne chuckled awkwardly.

Two taxis arrived as the Vegans and Geniuses walked out of them.

Interview: Mary and Ellody

"We predict there's an eating element to the next challenge, so picking the right spices is of the utmost importance!" Ellody explained.

"Kumin, Cinnamon, Paprika, Saffron, Ginger!" Ellody and Laurie said in unison.

"That was surprisingly elementary." Ellody smiled.

"I know right?" Laurie agreed. Lightning and Jo just looked at eachother.

Interview: Lightning and Jo

"Who spends all their time learning spices?!" Jo looked dumbfounded as Lightning was writing down on a.. notepad. "..What are you doing."

"I've been trying to increase my brainpower. So I've started taking down notes! Cameron told me it's a good way to learn." Lightning smirked.

"What universe am I living in.." Jo muttered.

"As more teams reach the spice kiosk, flight number three has finally arrived in Morocco. They'll need to hurry if they hope to catch any of the teams in search of the culinary." Don said.

Cut to the Queen Bees and the Sisters on their camels. The Reluctant Allies, Reality TV Pros, Jocks and Father and Son weren't far behind.

"Faster boy!" Dwayne said as he kept hitting the camel.

"Dad, I think the camel's going to pass out!" Junior's eyes widened.

"Not to worry boy! Camels are the ships of the desert! They're tireless!" Dwayne said as the camel passed out.

"Oh great, we got a broken one." Dwayne said. Leshawna and Tyler looked dumbfounded.

Interview: Leshawna and Tyler

"Those two sure are something, eh Tyler?" Leshawna asked.

"I'm still trying to process the fact that he called their camel broken." Tyler replied.

"Kumin's left.." Taylor thought as taxis arrived.

"I think it's this one honey!" Kelly pointed at a spice.

"This is no time for guessing games Mom! Uhm, this one?" Taylor pointed at one.

"So you can guess but I can't?" Kelly asked.

"Mine is an educated guess. Can you please stop throwing a temper tantrum? Ugh!" Taylor rolled her eyes before she ran. Kelly laughed awkwardly as she ran after her. The Adversity Twins ran up to the spice kiosk.

"Is this one Cinnamon?" Jay thought as he smelled it. He sneezed as they both started coughing.

Interview: Jay and Mickey

"Apparentely we can't breathe Cinnamon." Mickey frowned.

"The last teams gather spices." Don said as the LARPers ran up to the kiosk.

"Greetings! Do you accept dragon coins?" Leonard asked. Tammy sighed.

"But they've still got a long journey ahead of them." Don said as the Vegans were.. walking their camel.

Interview: Laurie and Miles

"Our camel was beautiful. And deserts are really hot! If we win the million, we're launching a stop riding camels campaign!" Laurie smiled.

"Take hikes, not humps!" Miles yelled.

"Or we could call it something else.."

"We're currently in last place but that's no cause for concern!" Leonard said.

"It kind of is." Tammy raised an eyebrow.

"We were stopped by a very angry taxi driver. The fool wouldn't accept my dragon coins." Leonard frowned.

"Focus, Leonard!" Tammy slapped his head.

"Oh! Right. Sorry." Leonard rubbed his head.

Cut to a chef heating up a pot.

"Things are starting to 'heat' up as the Cadets are the first to reach the desert restaurant." Don said as Sanders and MacArthur came in with their camel. MacArthur was visibly more tired.

"There's the Don Box!" Sanders said as she dropped off the camel. MacArthur also dropped off the camel.. just not by her own volition.

"I can't take this heat! Someone turn off the sun!" MacArthur grunted.

"Unfortunately, I cannot do that." Sanders frowned as she pressed the Don Box's button and got the next travel tip.

"It's a Botch Or Watch. 'Just Stew it. ™'" Sanders read.

"That's a challenge only one of us does right?" MacArthur said in between breaths.

"Okay, hand your spices to the chef so he can add them to a bowl of Moroccon stew which one of you must eat." Sanders explained.

"I hope we picked the right spices or this could get ugly fast!" MacArthur said.

"When you finish your stew, race on foot as fast as you can to the Chill Zone because.."

"The last team to meet me here will be cut from the race!" Don smiled.

"I can't do it! I'm sweating like crazy!" MacArthur complained.

"Okay fine." Sanders said as she grabbed the bowl. The Best Friends and the Ice Dancers made it as well.

"Come on Bun Bun! Don't let us down!" Josee smiled as she held a rabbit's foot.

Interview: Ice Dancers

"I'm not supersticious at all, I just believe this rabbit's foot is responsible for everything good in my life." Josee explained.

"Can I rub it?" Jacques smiled.

Josee laughed. "Of course you CAN'T."

"I don't mean to overstep but it's easier if you ride the camel." Leonard said smugly as Dwayne was trying to pull his camel.

"Well thank you very much!" Dwayne yelled.

"You're welcome!" Tammy yelled back.

"Greetings, ladies!" Leonard smiled as they passed by the Vegans.

"Take hikes, not humps!" Miles yelled.

"Okay, that slogan is really growing on me." Laurie smiled.

Interview: Laurie and Miles

"Miles and I became friends when we met at an anti-meat meeting." Laurie explained.

"When Laurie suggested we call them ings instead of meat-ings, I knew we were going to get along!" Miles smiled.

"While the LARPers dig themselves out of last place, the race for first heats up as more dive into the restaurant challenge!" Don said.

"Oh Devin.." Carrie sighed happily as she saw Devin drinking the stew. She looked behind her to see a camereman. "Uh! That was- I was just- Okay! I love him! I've loved him since we were four and he peed in my turtle pool!.. I mean that's not why I love him that's just when it started! But after all this time, how do I tell him? And what if he doesn't feel the same way? He already has a girlfriend.. Maggie. Who will.... see this on TV." Carrie facepalmed. "What am I doing?!"

"Yeah, Done! Woohoo!" Devin cheered as Carrie hugged him and laughed. "Come on, we're in first!" Devin yelled as they ran.

Heather noticed this and smirked. She grabbed the stew and gave it to Noah to drink. Ryan and Stephanie also got their stew.

Interview: Heather

"It should really be studied how amazing I am." Heather looked at her nails and smirked. "Well to be honest, their cliche story was so obvious.

"Rock and Roll!" Rock cheered as they arrived. Yells could be heard as Gerry and Pete's camel threw them off.
They landed in the sand... as you could expect.

Cut to the Police Cadets, where Sanders was taking her sweet time with the stew. Wiping her mouth after every time she drank. Slowly. Clearly, MacArthur wasn't very happy.

"Stop wiping your face and chug!" MacArthur complained.

"This is how civilized people eat." Sanders frowned.

"This ain't a tea party, it's a race for a million dollars! Chug!" MacArthur said as she grabbed the bowl and shoved the stew into Sanders.

"Freeze! I mean, done! Woo!" MacArthur cheered. Sanders had a bit of soup on her face. "Oh. Allow me to get that for you, princess." MacArthur smirked as she wiped Sanders's face. Very manly noises were heard as the camera panned over to Josee drinking the soup quite... elegently.

"A wonderful performance of grace and efficiency! Bravo!" Jacques cheered as Josee finished drinking.

"Uh oh. Move!" MacArthur yelled.

Cut to the Best Friends, where Carrie tripped.

"You okay homie?" Devin smiled as he picked Carrie up.

"Whoah! Easy, Romeo." Carrie chuckled.

Interview: Devin and Carrie

"You know, it would be awkward for most teams to be so close to eachother. But Carrie and I? We're such good friends so, pfft, whatever." Devin smiled.

"Pfft. Totally! Whatever, ha! Friends.." Carrie looked at Devin lovingly. 

Cut to Jo, Tyler, Ennui and Ryan drinking their stews.

"Do it baby! Show that stew you're the man!" Stephanie cheered.

"Jeez, what's with their PDA?" Leshawna raised an eyebrow.

Meanwhile, Geoff and Ellody were talking. Considering their two conflicting personalities, it made for quite an interesting conversation.

"When I first met Brody, he was eating a cat's hairball on a dare!" Geoff chuckled. "It was pure awesome!"

"I met Mary at an engineering student's potluck dinner. We both brought pie chart pies." Ellody laughed. "We're quite whimsical."

"Pie." Geoff smiled.

"Hot! Hot!" Owen started sweating. "Al, I think you picked the wrong spices!"

"Oh come on, I've seen you eat, you're about as picky as a racoon! Just drink it!" Alejandro said.

Cut to the Cadets.

"Eugh! I got a stew cramp! It hurts!" Sanders grunted.

"Never leave a man behind." MacArthur merely said before picking Sanders up.

"Ow! This hurts!"

"Not my fault you got no meat on your bones." MacArthur replied.

Cut to the teams drinking some stew.

"You can do it Emma!" Kitty cheered.

"Done!" Emma yelled.

"Done as well." Noah smiled.

Interview: Emma and Kitty

"So we got all of the spices right." Emma said.

"Because.."

"Ok, that guy may have helped. So what? He technically didnt help us, I just looked at his choices." Emma crossed her arms.

"Come on! We got to talk to him!" Kitty pleaded.

"It's the start of the race, Kit! You can't trust anyone." Kitty sighed.

Cut to the Fashion Bloggers.

"Whoa, slow down Tom! You don't want to get anything om that shirt!" Jen said as Tom gasped.

"You are so. right. Could you imagine?" Tom said.

"I hate the way you eat!" Lorenzo said as Chet spat some stew on him.

"Focus on the challenge, dork!" Lorenzo yelled as Chet kept eating. "I hate the way you slurp."

Meanwhile, the Best Friends were... busy.

"Can you see the Chill Zone, homie?" Devin asked.

"No! I think we might be lost!" Carrie yelled.

Apparentely they weren't, since just a bit later and they found the Chill Zone.

"Look!" Carrie pointed at the palm trees and they cheered. They reached the Chill Zone.

"Welcome to the Chill Zone! You're the first team to arrive. Congrats!" Don said as they cheered.

"We did it! We did it! Man! I wish I could call Maggie." Devin said as he walked off.

Carrie laughed awkwardly. "Yeah.. Maggie."

Interview: Devin and Carrie

"Coming in first is a bit of a shock. I mean I'd knew we'd be a great team but.."

"First place? Wow!" Carrie smiled.

"Need... WATER!" Owen yelled as he saw a camel. He... rather disgustingly.. ran to drink it's... spit. How... refreshing.

"What the actual fuck?" Alejandro swore under his breath.

Chet, seeing that, was ready to puke.

"Do not spit that out Chet or we'll lose!" Lorenzo yelled.

Interview: Lorenzo and Chet

"My dad's a motivational speaker, and has taught me everything there is to know!" Lorenzo explained.

"Swallow! Do it! Do it!!" Lorenzo yelled, as Chet followed his order.

"My barf was actually less spicy than the stew..." Chet said.

Everyone else was ready to puke.

"We have to eat our own barf?!?!" Leonard yelled as the Vegans's camel puked. Right onto Miles.

"Real organic camel munch!" Laurie gasped.

"Oh! It hurts so bad!" Sanders complained. Just as they heard a rather familiar cheer. They turned around to see the Ice Dancers.

"Well that's just creepy." MacArthur said as they were passed by them. Only for Jacques to hit one of the palm trees.

"Haha! Later, skaters!" MacArthur said smugly. "You see what I did there?"

"Yeah.." Sanders replied.

"Cuz they're actually uh, skaters."

"Yeah I got it."

"Done!" Brody yelled.

"Done!" Ryan yelled as more teams started running for the Chill Zone.

"Put. Me. Down!" Sanders yelled.

"No time!" MacArthur said as the Ice Dancers were super close to them. The team who made it to the Chill Zone first was.. The Cadets.

"Hey! Who called the cops? What fun! You're team number two, well done." Don said.

"All right!" MacArthur cheered, accidentely dropping Sanders. (Or was it on purpose?)

The Ice Dancers arrived and smiled and waved.

"So as a Canadian Ice Dancing Team you probably hear this a lot. Third place!" Don said as Josee's eye twitched.

Interview: Jacques and Josee

Josee was just yelling and throwing random stuff around.

"Forth!" Don said to the Queen Bees.

"Fifth!" Don said to the Sisters.

Interview: Emma and Kitty

"First challenge and we got in fifth? Not bad." Emma smiled.

"Woohoo!" Kitty cheered.

"6th!" Don said to the Tennis Rivals.

"7th!" Don said to the Daters.

"8th!" Don said to the Jocks.

"9th!" Don said to the Surfers.

"10th!" Don said to the Geniuses.

"11th!" Don said to the Reluctant Allies.

"11th?!" Alejandro yelled.

"11th is not that bad Al!" Owen said.

"That is not even the top half! It's.. the middle half! We have to start doing better." Alejandro glared at Owen as they walked off.

"12th!" Don said to the Rockers.

"13th!" Don said to the Fashion Bloggers.

"Come on! You got to get up to eat this stew!" Junior yelled.

"I'm coming! In a minute.." Dwayne said in between breaths.

"My Mom's done!" Taylor said as she ran.

"Not so fast sweetie!" Kelly said as she clutched her stomach.

"We're done!" Lorenzo said.

"I don't feel so good.." Chet clutched his stomach.

"Cuz you ate puke! Puke eater!" Lorenzo laughed as he ran.

"You're a... puke eater watcher!"

Interview: Junior

"I didn't sign up for this show and I don't really want to be here. But now that I am, I sure don't want to be the first team kicked out!"

"Come on Dad! Like you always tell me, never say quit!" Junior said in an attempt to pep talk his father.

"Actually pal, it's never say never." Dwayne said in between breaths.

"I don't really listen to you. Just get up and eat!" Junior said.

"14th!" Don said to the Adversity Twins who cheered.

"15th!" Don said to the Reality TV Pros.

"16th!" Don said to Mother and Daughter.

"17th!" Don said to the Goths.

"18th!" Don said to the Stepbrothers.

"That leaves the LARPers, Vegans and Father and Son. One of these teams, will be heading home!" Don said.

"I hope we got the right spices." Dwayne said as fly went into the stew and was burnt alive. The stew was also bubbling.

"Dad, we're in last place! You got to hurry and down this stew!" Junior said.

"Let's go!" Tammy yelled.

"Onwards to victory!" Leonard said.

Interview: Dwayne and Junior

"So what's a little spice? Yeah! Let's do this thang!" Dwayne chuckled. "Thang. I sound like a kid when I talk like that!"

"You really don't." Junior narrowed his eyes.

"Okay Dad, I know that stew is probably very hot but-" Junior was about to say before Dwayne did a warcry and started downing the stew.

"Wow." Junior said in amazement.

"We're done!" The Vegans said as they ran.

"Done!" Junior cheered as Dwayne's eyes crossed.

"Oh no!" Dwayne threw his bowl, breaking it. "I can't see! Temporary blindness!"

"Come on!" Junior said as he grabbed him.

Interview: Dwayne and Junior

"This is why we don't roll our eyes kiddo. This is what happens." Dwayne pointed at his crossed eyes. Junior just looked at the camera, clearly done with what's happened.

"Yes! We're catching up!" Miles cheered.. despite being in the final 3 teams for elimination.

Interview: Laurie and Miles

"It's so early in the race. It would be a shame to be sent home now!" Laurie said.

"But I gave the camel my email address so, I hope to keep in touch!" Miles smiled.

Interview: Tammy and Leonard

"They were catching up so fast!" Leonard said.

"...And what did you do?" Tammy said, disappointed.

"Uh..."

"Chaos Barrier!" Leonard pulled out his staff.

"Leonard, what are you doing?! Let's go!" Tammy said trying to grab Leonard, but clearly not being strong enough. The two teams passed them easily.

"Oh no." Tammy sighed.

"Congrats Vegans! You're 19th." Don said.

Interview: Laurie and Miles

"We stuck to our principles and we're still in the race! I guess nice guys finish almost last." Laurie said.

"And here comes 20th!" Don said as Dwayne kept running.

"Are there any trees? Tell me if there are any trees!" Dwayne yelled.

"We're almost there Dad!" Junior yelled back.

"How long are you going to let him run for?" Don smiled.

"I just needed a little break." Junior shrugged.

Interview: Dwayne and Junior

"20th place?!?! We have got to do better pal! Hey, I know! We're going to stay up all night and talk strategy!" Dwayne gave two thumbs up.

"Great..."

"The Ridonculous Race is about skill. It's about Determination. It's not about magic. You're done." Don said to the LARPers.

"Time reversal spell!" Tammy threw some confetti in the air. "..It was worth a shot." She sighed.

"Security!" Don yelled.

"I think we could have done a lot better." Tammy said.

"I got to do a lot of things I never wanted to try, so that's something." Leonard said.

"We could have made it further if you weren't so into the LARP thing. Welp, I'm still glad we did this. We can look back into this when we're feeling down." Tammy said.

"I still don't get why we had to walk home." Leonard said as the episode ended.

BONUS CLIP:

Noah's POV.

"4th place is pretty good." Heather smiled.

"Yeah. Let's go into our hotel. Interested to see what Alejandro and Owen got." I chuckled.

"I still can't believe Izzy dared them that." Heather laughed.

"Or how Alejandro accepted?"

"Yeah. It's nice to have them here though. And Leshawna and Tyler of course."

"How is the competition looking though?"

"Jo and Lightning seem to be threats. Jo and I weren't exactly the kindest of people to eachother in All Stars, you know." Heather raised an eyebrow at me.

"Those Ice Dancers are probably the main uh.. 'villains'." I nodded.

"You noticed that too I see. Welp, we're here." Heather said as we entered our hotel and went straight to the dining room. We sat in the table where Owen, Alejandro, Tyler and Leshawna were.

"11th place!" Alejandro yelled immediately when he saw us. Some other competitors from the other tables jumped at his loud voice. I laughed.

"4th place here. What about you, Miracle Duo?" I raise an eyebrow at Leshawna and Tyler.

"15th. We could do better." Leshawna shrugged.

"But hey, we have had some rough starts in some reality shows! We got this in the bag." Tyler smiled.

"How are you feeling, big guy?" Leshawna asked Owen, who was still sweating.

"That stew man.. it was so hot." Owen chuckled.

"Yeah I get that. We got some wrong spices as well." Tyler smirked. Heather noticed Alejandro staring at Emma.

"You good?" Heather asked.

"Oh? Sorry, she just.. reminds me of someone. I feel like I've seen her somewhere before." Alejandro explained.

"That blue haired girl?" I ask. "Oh yeah, she seemed to be staring at me during the spice challenge. Probably taking note which spices I picked. A fair strategy."

"I feel like if I just knew her name.." Alejandro thought.

"Then... go ask her?" Leshawna raised an eyebrow.

"¿Qué?"

"Go ask her name, explain that you think you know her." Tyler added.

"Ah, no thanks. I'll learn it eventually." Alejandro smiled awkwardly.

"......"

"Don't tell me.." I smirk.

"That the hot spanish man, is afraid of talking to a person?"

"What? No." Alejandro shook his head.

"No way." Heather laughed.

"Oh come on Al! Don't be shy! I know you can talk to her!" Owen smiled. "Come on! We'll go together!"

"Absolutely not! Especially with you!" Alejandro yelled in a panic. We laughed to say the least.

We kept on talking for an hour. Mostly about possible threats or alliances.

"Well, I think it's a good idea to get a few Z's in." I get up and stretch.

"Probably. We don't know what the next challenges could be." Heather said.

"Alright. Goodnight my friends." Alejandro said as we all left to our respective rooms. Heather and Ibumped into Geoff on the way.

"Oh hey guys! How are you?" Geoff smiled.

"We're fine Geoff. Can we talk at a later time? We're kind of sleepy." Heather said.

"Oh, yeah totally. Goodnight dudes!" Geoff waved.

We waved back and went into our room.

"That Don guy seems better than Chris." Heather said.

"I mean, it's not THAT difficult to achieve." I shrugged. Heather thought about it and hummed in agreement.

"I'm gonna go take a shower." Heather said.

"Try not to drown." I snarked as Heather rolled her eyes while smirking and went to the bathroom.

Too tired to do anything but fall on my bed and sleep, I did as such. Ending a chaotic first day.

Chapter Text

"Last time on the Ridonculous Race! After shopping for spices and cameling in the Moroccan desert, our teams built up a hearty appetite. And I lost mine. Seriously, these people are disgusting. The winners were Best Friends Carrie and Devin. In my book, everyone else was a loser. But we could only eliminate one team and last week it was the LARPers. I'm not sad, those wannabe wizards freaked me out. But that was then and this is.. the Ridonculous Race!" Don smiled.

-Theme Song-

As the music played, a shot of the earth was shown. A hand held up a travel tip in front of it before showing silhouettes of the 42 contestants running. It showed shots of the map before zooming to show various photos and means of transportation. It showed a taxi door open before every team’s icon flashed onscreen. The camera showed the logo as a plane flew by and flipped the N.

"Yesterday's Chill Zone is today's starting line. Teams depart in the order they arrived. The intrugingly not intruging platonic Best Friends." Don frowned.

Carrie pressed the button on the Don Box and gave the travel tip to Devin.

"Alright! Looks like we're going to Paris!" Devin smiled.

"No way!" Carrie gasped.

"Paris, France. Home of the Mona Lisa, tiny coffees and other things that would annoy me like you couldn't believe. Once in Paris, teams must make their way here. To the Eiffel Tower and find their next tip." Don said.

Carrie and Devin got onto a moped.

"Woohoo! Let's go!" Carrie cheered as they drove off.

Interview: Carrie and Devin

"I'm so excited! Paris is the most romantic place on Earth!" Carrie smiled.

"Totally! Once we win the million, I'm going back to Paris. With Maggie!" Devin said.

"Yeah... Maggie."

"I miss you so much baby!"

"There's Nothing Eiffel about this Parisian landmark." MacArthur read.

"Eiffel Tower, Paris! Let's roll!" Sanders said.

Cut to Devin and Carrie. Carrie was holding onto Devin a bit too much.

"We're almost there! Can you loosen your grip homie?" Devin asked, as the Cadets came in. MacArthur was making a police siren sound.

"Move aside! Emergency Police Business!" MacArthur yelled as they passed them.

"It's the Cadets!" Carrie yelled, as if it wasn't the most obvious thing in the world.

"Yes!" The Cadets high fived, as the Ice Dancers arrived. Both.. smiling.

"What the hell?" Noah raised an eyebrow as he and Heather also caught up.

Interview: Jacques and Josee

"Being sport heroes, we never know when the cameras will be on us so we have to smile all the time!" Josee smiled.

"All the time! Even in our sleep!" Jacques added.

"It's very painful!" Josee said as they were still smiling.

Interview: MacArthur and Sanders

"What's with those Ice Dancers? Do they ever stop smiling? Do they sleep like that? Do they cry smiling?! I'm going to find out!" MacArthur yelled.

"She gets a little fixated." Sanders explained.

Cut to Lightning and Jo getting their travel tip.

"The Eiffel Tower? We must be going to Germany!" Lightning smirked. Everyone who heard him looked dumbfounded.

"Are you sure it was a right call accepting them?" Don asked through his headpiece.

Cut to more teams driving on mopeds. Mickey's screams were heard as he and Jay ran through a sign.

"Wait!" Mickey yelled as he fell off the moped.

Cut to the Goths getting on a moped, where Crimson opened an umbrella as Ennui started driving. The Fashion Bloggers were carrying a carpet.

Interview: Jen and Tom

"If we knew the fashion capital of the universe was our next stop, we might have not spent so much on a handhoven Moroccan carpet." Jen explained.

"Paris! Eee!" Tom and Jen squealed.

Cut to the aiport where Jacques and Josee entered it quite.. elegantly.

"Two for Paris! Do you offer free upgrades for olympians?" Josee asked.

The man at the counter typed in something. "Ah yes! Free upgrades for gold medal Peoples! Mh-hm."

"Economy is fine." Josee said as her eye twitched. The Police Cadets, Best Friends, Queen Bees, Sisters, Tennis Rivals, Daters and Jocks entered as well.

"Huh?" Gerry raised an eyebrow as the Surfers entered... driving on their moped. The Tennis Rivals screamed as they jumped out of the way.

Interview: Geoff and Brody

Geoff had a sock on his hat and Brody had underwear on his head.

"I love mopeds! I tried to jump one over my pool last summer but ended up smashing through my neighbour's gazebo!" Brody and Geoff laughed.

"Dude, we shouldn't laugh. You totally ruined that wedding." Geoff said before they laughed and fistbumped. "Free cake!"

Cut to the Stepbrothers.

"Get your hands off my face!" Chet yelled as Lorenzo was covering his face while he was driving.

"Get your face off my hands!" Lorenzo yelled back as they passed the Fashion Bloggers who were going considerably slower.

"The carpet's slowing us down, ditch it!" Jen yelled.

"But!-"

"Tom, we're going to Paris."

"Oh, you're free." Tom rubbed the carpet beforr throwing it. "Fly!" Unbeknownst to them, Father and Son were right behind them.

"Oh carpet!-" Dwayne yelled as the carpet landed on them, and they crashed. The Vegans were... peddling their moped?

Interview: Miles and Laurie

"We walked our camel through the desert yesterday instead of riding him so he could stay hydrated!" Miles smiled.

"And today we're peddling our moped so we don't use it's fuel!" Miles gasped. "I wish there was a way to give our moped to our camel! Right?"

Cut to the Fashion Bloggers running out of the airport when they found a bruised Father And Son.

"Oh no, what happened to you?" Jen asked.

"Strangest thing. Hit by a carpet! It could have killed us." Dwayne explained. Tom and Jen looked at eachother in shock and laughed awkwardly.. for a good ten seconds. Dwayne and Junior just walked away.

"Nine teams wait at the airport to board flight number two. Which doesn't take off, for another hour and a half. So we covered it in sad face stickers. Which is hilarious." Don said. "But the first eleven teams are already Paris bound on flight number one."

"Ah, Paris, remember when we went here?" Alejandro asked Heather who was on the opposite side of him.

"Not the greatest of memories." Heather shuddered.

"Ah, but it is the City of Love, is it not?" Alejandro raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"Shut it." Heather flushed.

"Can you lovebirds make out in a different airplane?" Noah grunted.

"Isn't the line 'different room'?" Owen asked.

"Flight number one has landed. And the race for first place is on." Don said as stewardess was about to open the door, only to be crushed by Josee opening it. The teams ran and went into multiplte taxis and gave directions.

Cut to the Ice Dancers reaching the Eiffel Tower. "Gold Medal! WAA-AAAH!" Josee yelled as the Police Cadets crashed into them. The Queen Bees were right behind them.

"Nailed it!" MacArthur yelled as she grabbed the next travel tip. "Huh, it's a Botch Or Watch." She read.

"In this Botch Or Watch, whoever didn't eat the stew in Morocco, must draw a caricature of their partner. When this local French artist approves of their drawing, they'll receive their next tip." Don explained. The Tip Giver resembled Van Gogh.

More taxis arrived as more teams came to grab the tip. Many people posed for their partners to draw them. Brody, Josee, Jo, Owen, Sanders, Ryan were all posing. Emma was reading a law book. Noah, Devin and Mary were just standing.

"This just in! Flight number two has just landed. As teams from flight number two head for the Eiffel Tower, teams from flight number one strain to finish the first challenge." Don said.

"Donesters!" Geoff said as he gave the drawing to the Tip Giver.

"Dude, you drew me awesome!" Brody said. The drawing was a pretty accurate depiction of Brody flexing. The Tip Giver gave a thumbs up as the Surfers cheered and high fived. They got the next travel tip.

"Huh? See I think the way they support eachother is beautiful! We should hug!" Owen said.

"No." Alejandro declined.

"Please? What about a high fi-"

"Face forward!" Alejandro yelled. Heather snickered.

"Go down down down, find the cheese so round, where your next tip is found!" Geoff read. "Huh?" The camera cut to a rat going down to somewhere.

"Follow that rat!" Geoff yelled as the Police Cadets went to the Tip Giver to hand him their drawing.

Cut to Don opening a flashlight. "Welcome to the Catacombs. Where ancient Parisians buried victims of the plague. Teams must use their noses to navigate this maze of tunnels and find the correct exit and their next travel tip hidden amongst this wheels of roguefort cheese." He explained.

Cut to the Fashion Bloggers in their taxi as it just got a flat tire. They looked out the window to see a clothing store that was on sale. "A flat in luxury boutique heaven during a midnight madness event? Come on!" Tom said.

"The universe wants us to go shopping, Tom! It's fate!" Jen said.

"Or, the ultimate test of our will." Tom raised an eyebrow.

"We are probably in last, we can't just stop, drop and shop." Jen thought.

Interview: Tom and Jen

"If we come in last, we're going home." Jen said.

"And hello? The longer we stay in the race, the longer we can promote our blog." Tom added.

"Now trending with Tom and Jen!" They said in unison.

"Of course, it is going to take a few minutes to change that tire..." Tom and Jen smiled. They squealed as they got out of the taxi.

Cut to the Best Friends and the Tip Giver who just declined their drawing.

"What do you mean no? She got an A in art last semester." Devin said. The Tip Giver showed him the drawing. It was uhm... quite impressive? The drawing depicted a naked and muscular Devin around some flowers and cherubs covering his... crotch. There was also a heart in the bottom.

"Oh, I see! It's too realistic!" Devin said. Yes Devin. That's the issue.

Cut to the Sisters.

"So, are you dating anyone new in university?" Kitty asked.

"Yeah, his name's International And Comparitive Anti-Trust Law Curriculum." Emma replied nonchalantly. Alejandro heard this and his eyebrows raised.

"...I'm thinking of getting a pixie cut." Kitty smiled.

"What."

Interview: Emma and Kitty

"Emma's always been the serious one, but ever since her boyfriend Jake broke up with her two years ago, she's been SUPER-" Kitty's mouth was shut by Emma.

"Fine! I've been super fine! And I don't need a boyfriend! I need a law degree, and I need my kid sister to focus on that game." Emma explained.

"...and a boyfriend!"

"Ugh!"

Interview: Owen and Alejandro

"I swear I've seen her before! And she studies law!" Alejandro thought.

"....I can make a couple of guesses." Owen raised an eyebrow.

Cut to Noah and Heather going to the Tip Giver. Heather drew Noah as a bee. Noah rolled his eyes as Heather laughed. The Tip Giver gave a thumbs up.

"Seriously?!?!" Noah complained as Heather laughed even harder.

Interview: Noah and Heather

"I regret ever letting Gwen teach you how to draw." Noah crossed his arms.

"I love you too." Heather smirked.

Cut to more taxis arriving and more travel tips being grabbed.

The Adversity Twins and Reality TV Pros ran to the pencils and Mickey anxiously started going for a pencil.

"Come on Mickey! Show that pencil's who's boss! It's just two of us and one of it!" Jay supported. Leshawna and Tyler just looked at eachother.

Interview: Mickey and Jay

"It was a Tuesday morning. Mickey's pencil case broke! Pencils were everywhere. He slipped and fell down the stairs landing on pencils the whole way down. He's been afraid of them ever since!" Jay explained.

Interview: Leshawna and Tyler

"How can one be afraid of pencils?!?" Leshawna asked.

"Not the craziest thing we've heard on TV." Tyler shrugged.

Cut to Alejandro and the Tip Giver laughing. Alejandro had drawn Owen eating the Eiffel Tower. Owen started laughing awkwardly as Alejandro grabbed him.

"Wait! I wanna see the picture!" Owen said, as the Jocks came to the Tip Giver. Lightning had drawn Jo.. as well as Lightning can draw her. The Tip Giver gave them a thumbs up.

"Sha-score! Hey, mind if I keep this? I wanna have more store for writing down stuff." Lightning asked and the Tip Giver shrugged in response.

Cut to a taxi stopping in front of a goat. The inside showed the Tennis Rivals, who were sleeping. And.. just woke up.

"Whoa! Are we there yet?" Gerry asked.

"You old men never told me where to go." The Taxi Driver replied.

"We're older, but that doesn't mean we're old!" Pete said.

Interview: Gerry and Pete

"We’ve got the same energy as all the other teams! From about 5am to 4pm…" Gerry said.

"Yeah, after that we get a little groggy." Pete explained.

"Groggy!? I haven’t seen the moon since 2003!" Gerry said as they laughed.

"Oh really? Because I’ve got a moon for ya! Right here!" Pete pointed at his rear and they laughed again.

"Hey! To the Eiffel Tower! Go! Quickly!" Gerry yelled as the taxi drove off.

Cut to the Daters in the Catacombs.

"If you got the plague, I would throw myself on your body and wait until I got infected too, so we could die at the exact same time, in the same way." Ryan said.

"That is... the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me!" Stephanie smiled as they... made out. Jo and Lightning were just a bit further away from this interaction.

"That's not how you and Brick are, right?" Lightning raised an eyebrow.

"Hell no." Jo replied. Lightning started writing down on his note pad.

"It needs at least four exaggerations to be a caricature." Emma said.

"I have way more than that!" Kitty replied as she gave her drawing to the Tip Giver. It was a caricature of a grumpy Emma with pointy ears under a grey cloud. The Tip Giver gave them a thumbs up. Kitty smirked.

Cut to the Goths and Mother and Daughter.

"Do you want to look alive in this?" Ennui asked. Ironically, this was the first time we heard them speak.

"Thank god I'm the one drawing!" Taylor said.

Interview: Taylor and Kelly

"I'm like a really good artist. For sure the best in my class and probably in the whole planet." Taylor said.

"I'm not bad! I actually went to art school for two years before I quit to have Taylor." Kelly added.

"OMG, Mom, it doesn't have to always be about you." Taylor complained as Kelly looked annoyed.

Cut to the Fashion Bloggers who were carrying multiple bags.

"That flat tire was the best thing that's ever happened to us." Jen said.

Interview: Tom and Jen

"I've never shopped so fast in another language in my life!" Tom smiled.

"So worth it though! I mean finding rock studded leather leggings in North America? Good luck." Jen smirked.

"Truth!"

The Best Friends, Father And Son, Adversity Twins and Reality TV Pros all showed their caricatures.

Carrie had drawn Devin normally.

Junior had drawn his Father talking.

Jay had drawn Mickey giving a thumbs up.

Leshawna had drawn Tyler doing push ups.

The Tip Giver gave a thumbs up to all four of these caricatures.

"Hurry, come on!" Carrie said as they went down the Catacombs.

"Ugh, I hope I don't get the plague again." Jay said.

More taxis arrived.

"Let's go Spud, we're way behind!" Rock yelled.

"Come on, come on!" Gerry grabbed Pete.

Interview: Gerry and Pete

"It's nice to be back on TV! All the sponsorship deals dried up a few years ago." Gerry said.

"Try thirty!" Pete said as they chuckled.

"Last time he did a commercial, the internet didn't exist!"

"And neither did the hair on your ears!" Pete said as they laughed.

Cut to the Fashion Bloggers, where Jen was drawing Tom.

"So, any guy caught your attention?" Jen asked.

"Yeah, but I'm pretty sure he's taken. That's fine by me. What about you?" Tom asked.

"A certain girl might have crossed my mind." Jen smiled.

"Well just know I'm by your side." Tom supported.

Cut to the Police Cadets and Queen Bees.

"Wait, why are we you guys even with us?" Sanders asked.

"You clearly understand that the Ice Dancers are... unique to say the least. May be best to stick together." Noah shrugged. Sanders nodded as MacArthur sniffed the air.

"Hello.. Izzy?" Noah raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, what are you doing?" Sanders asked.

"I've trained my nose so I can work border crossings. People think they can bring oranges into any country they want! Not on my watch, sister!" MacArthur said aa she sniffed the air again. "This way! I'm going in."

"Should we really follow her?" Heather asked as MacArthur screamed. The other 3 quickly entered.

"Get it off me!" MacArthur yelled as a plastic skeleton was on her. Noah, Heather and Sanders just looked at eachother.

"As the Parisian Catacombs extend a warm welcome to some of the teams, others are still drawing the first challenge to a conclusion. Drawing, see what I did there?" Don chuckled.

Jen had drawn Tom posing. The Tip Giver gave a thumbs up.

Spud had drawn Rock... rocking out. The Tip Giver nodded. The Rockers... rocked out.

Lorenzo had drawn Chet's head as a trashbag. And Ennui had drawn Crimson as a vampire and it was.. quite good actually. The Tip Giver gave a thumbs up to both caricatures.

Taylor showed the Tip Giver her drawing. He flinched. She had drawn Kelly like a witch. I mean it wasn't THAT bad, so the Tip Giver gave a thumbs up.

"Mind if I keep this to give to my surgeon?" Kelly asked.

Cut to Alejandro and Owen in the catacombs.

"Here cheesy cheese!" Owen whistled.

"If we had any kind of a lead we've lost it by now." Alejandro said as he passed by a skull. "No! I've seen that skull before.. ¡Joder! We're going in circles!" Alejandro yelled.

"Ah, so is my tum tum." Owen said as his stomach growled. "Oh no, do you see any restroom signs?!?" Owen yelled.

Interview: Alejandro

"Owen hasn't uhm... gone since he ate that stew in Morocco. Great, if I didn't have more problems to deal with!" Alejandro facepalmed.

Cut to Geoff and Brody in the Catacombs.

"Oh man! That's the third dead end we've hit!" Brody said.

"Chill bro! If we find all the dead ends, the only path will be the right one!" Geoff smiled.

Interview: Geoff and Brody

"We're both glass half full guys okay? Since there's two of us, I just pour my glass into his glass and boom! We got a full glass!" Geoff said.

"Take that science!" Brody said before they fistbumped. "Boom." they said in unison.

Gerry had drawn Pete as a baby. Pete wasn't very amused. The Tip Giver gave them the travel tip. Gerry chuckled.

Laurie had drawn Miles as a... flower. The Tip Giver gave them a thumbs up.

The Vegans passed the Tennis Rivals as they smirked.

Interview: Pete and Gerry

"I got a plan! We follow the veggie-heads till they find the cheese and rocket past them and win the whole thing!" Pete said.

"Veggie-heads!" Gerry repeated as they laughed.

Cut to the Adversity Twins running as they saw two pairs of glowing eyes in the dark. They screamed as the pair of eyes revealed to belong to the Goths.

"You scared us!" Mickey said. "It's a little scary down here.."

"Really? I've never been so happy." Ennui said as he showed no emotion whatseover.

Interview: Ennui and Crimson

"This place could be an amusement park or a camp for kids." Ennui said.

Cut to the Queen Bees and Police Cadets.

"Roquefort. Cave aged about… three years. …do you hear running water?" MacArthur asked as they ran through a nearby tunnel and found the exit. And plenty of cheese wheels.

"Yeah that's what I'm talking about!" MacArthur cheered.

"Let's do this!" Noah said as they heard an 'ahem.' They all turned around to see the Ice Dancers.

"Oho! If it isn't the Smiling Silvertons!" MacArthur said. Josee walked past them as she knocked some cheese wheels in the water. "I hate silver!" Josee yelled.

"Take your cheese and sail away to where Mona Lisa's on display!" Jacques read.

"The Louvre!" Sanders and Heather said in unison.

"The Louvre! Home to many paintings I was asked to stop touching. It's also the Chill Zone for this part of the race. Last team to reach the Carpet Of Completion may be out of the running! But the race for first place is kicking into high gear!" Don said as the Ice Dancers got onto a cheese wheel and posed.

"Bye! You stink worse than this cheese float!" Josee yelled.

"Too bad your forgot your oars!" MacArthur yelled back.

"Darn it!" Jacques yelled in agony.

"Jacques! You were supposed to get the oars!" Josee's eye twitched.

"What's French for 'booyah!'" MacArthur said smugly as they and the Queen Bees paddled past them.

Cut to the Tennis Rivals and the Vegans.

"If this is what French cheese smells like, I'm officially, lactose intolerant." Gerry said as he and Pete chuckled.

"I'm officially 'you' intolerant!" Pete said they laughed even harder.

"It's coming from there!" Miles said as she opened the door and Owen was there. Reading a newspaper. They all screamed and ran away.

"Mm, I could really go for some cake right now- Huh?" Owen raised an eyebrow as he lowered down his newspaper. "Guess it was nothing." Owen thought.

Cut to the Fashion Bloggers.

"Ew, it is like so creepy in here! I feel like I'm being watched!" Tom said.

"Hey Tom! I have a bone to pick with you!" Jen said as she grabbed one of the plastic skeletons. They laughed at the honestly corny joke as a loud thud was heard.

"T-Tom?" They looked behind them to see a shadow of some massive beast. They both screeched and ran away. Tom dropped a bag while running. Which is why he ran back to grab it as they kept screaming. The shadow turned out to be the same rat as before. It chuckled.

Cut to the Best Friends where Devin was already on a cheese wheel. Carrie dropped in and Devin caught her.

"M'lady." Devin said as Carrie chuckled lovingly. More cheese wheels were dropped as more teams started paddling.

Cut to the Police Cadets and the Queen Bees.

"No way!" MacArthur yelled.

"Seriously?" Noah raised an eyebrow. The Ice Dancers were paddling with their feet.

Interview: Ice Dancers

"Missing paddles? Ha! That won't stop us!" Jacques smirked.

"We've competed in far more dire situations. Jacques once got rabies from a squirrel but that didn't stop us!" Josee said.

"I skated dressed as a Saint Bernard so all the foam coming out of my mouth made sense!"

"Adapting! It's what champions do!"

The Ice Dancers quickly passed the Cadets and the Queen Bees.

"These two get creepier by the minute!" MacArthur said.

"Seriously." Heather agreed.

"Most of the teams have reached the water. But for those still in the Catacombs, the big challenge is to not come in last!" Don said.

Interview: Pete and Gerry

"We've made a terrible mistake." Pete said.

"I thought Vegans would be able to sniff out dairy in a second!" Gerry said.

"Go home now, and we'll be lucky to land a deal for tube socks! And I hate tube socks! You never know where put your heel!" Pete complained.

"Welp, there goes the tube socks sponsorship." Gerry said as they laughed.

"There's the tip! And plenty of cheese wheels. We're still in this!" Alejandro said as he read it. "Hmm okay, I'll grab the oars, you take the wheel and- NO!" Alejandro yelled as Owen took a bite of the cheese wheel.

"What? Cheese is good for you!" Owen said.

Cut to the Ice Dancers.

"The Louvre! Over there!" Josee yelled. They got off the cheese wheel and stopped to wave at the camera and smile. This gave the Police Cadets and Queen Bees enough time to pass them.

"Push it Sanders! Feel the burn!" MacArthur said as they were pushing the cheese wheel. Josee scowled, got their cheese out of the water and quickly followed.

The Cadets reached the Chill Zone first. However, the Ice Dancers did manage to pass the Queen Bees.

"Well well, Lady Cadets! You're in first place! The Ice Dancers have to settle with Silver. Noah and his ark have to settle with bronze." Don said.

MacArthur started flexing. "Oh? What's that? You don't hear victory music? Probably because you didn't win!" She gloated. Josee's eye twitched.

"Meh, I guess they live up to my expectations of  Canadian Ice Dancers." Noah smirked as the Cadets and Heather snickered. Josee's eye twitched even more.

"While I like what you're saying, we have to move on." Don said.

Cut to more teams paddling on their cheese wheels.

Owen and Alejandro however, just had a block of cheese. Alejandro had to climb on Owen's back.

"Knock it off! You're eating our raft!" Alejandro yelled.

"Sorry! I'll stop! Last one. Okay! Last one for real." Owen said as he kept eating the cheese. Alejandro wasn't happy to say the least.

Cut to the Daters.

"Time to put this cheese into overdrive!" Ryan said as he threw his oar in the air and... failed to catch it. "Oops! Babe, pass me an oar! I'll double time it!"

Stephanie threw her oar at him and he... failed to catch that one as well. Ryan sighed.

"H-oar-rible catch, Make-Out-Ryan!" Jo chuckled as she and Lightning passed them.

Interview: Ryan and Stephanie

"I'm sorry for letting you down, babe." Ryan frowned.

"It's alright, Sugar Lumps. Just never let it happen EVER again!" Stephanie crossed her arms.

Cut to an angered Alejandro paddling as Owen had eaten the entire cheese wheel and was using his as a float.

"Paddle! Paddle!" Owen encouraged.

Meanwhile, the Fashion Bloggers had other problems. Tom was trying to balance all the shopping bags as he was on the cheese wheel.

"Whoa! Don't let those get wet!" Jen warned.

"Don't worry! I'll keep things balanced. But I'm thinking you're going to have to swim." Tom frowned.

"I'll do it for the clothing." Jen said as Tom gasped.

Interview: Tom and Jen

"This is like a huge sacrifice. She only lets her beautician wash her hair."

Jen dove down in the water. A frog was on her head and it was wearing her glasses. Frankly it looked adorable. Jen however screeched and started swimming for her life.

"Fourth place!" Don said to the Surfers who cheered.

"Fifth!" Don said to the Best Friends.

"Sixth!" Don said to Father And Son.

"Seventh!" Don said to the Stepbrothers.

"Eighth!" Don said to the Sisters.

"Okay, still top half." Emma sighed in relief.

Cut to the Vegans who got on their cheese wheel. The Tennis Rivals cheered as they got past them and laughed. The Vegans tried to catch up.

Interview: Pete and Gerry

"The thing is, your age is all in your mind!" Pete said.

"And in your joints!" Gerry added.

"And it has a little bit to do with the year you were born!" Pete said as the duo laughed.

"And here comes some more teams!" Don said.

"Ninth place!" Don said to the Jocks.

"Tenth!" Don said to the Fashion Bloggers.

"Eleventh!" Don said to the Daters.

"The Geniuses in Twelfth!" Don said.

"Followed by the Reality TV Pros in Thirteenth! And here comes Alejandro and his dog. Twenty minute penalty!" Don said as a timer appeared on screen.

"W-what?!? Why?" Owen asked.

"Because the challenge was to sail the cheese down the river." Don smirked.

"But it's inside of me! I am cheese!"

"That you are, tubby. Now step aside and hope you're not the last to place." Don said. "With one team waiting for their penalty to end, the other six teams are battling towards the Carpet Of Completion." Don said as the Vegans looked determined.

Interview: Laurie and Miles

"The thought of coming in last made us realize we needed to step up our game." Laurie said.

"Yeah." Miles nodded. "We were super charged up!"

The Vegans quickly paddled past the Tennis Rivals, who were baffled.

"How is that possible!? We're athletes! They eat bird seeds and dust!" Gerry yelled.

Interview: Laurie and Miles

They were eating..

"Pass the bird seeds!" Laurie said.

"You want some dust on that?" Miles asked.

"Fourteenth place!" Don said to Mother and Daughter.

"Fifteenth!" Don said to the Adversity Twins.

"Sixteenth!" Don said to the Goths.

"Looks like someone has the cheese sweats." Don said as Owen was sweating and Alejandro was walking around impatiently. He slipped on Owen's sweat.

"The Rockers take seventeenth!" Don said.

"Oh no! Here come the Vegans and the Tennis Rivals!" Owen yelled.

Interview: Owen and Alejandro

"I'm going to be so sad if my love of cheese gets us eliminated. The worse thing is, I could really go for some cheese right now!" Owen started wailing. "I have no self control! I'm like a dog!"

"Bad partner! ¡Malo! ¡Malo!" Alejandro hit him with a newspaper as Owen whimpered like a dog.

The Vegans were about to get off their cheese wheel, only to see a cat drowning. They gasped and quickly paddled to go save it. This gave the Tennis Rivals enough time to reach the Chill Zone.

"The Tennis Rivals are in eighteenth!" Don said.

"Cherie? Where are you?" A woman said anxiously.

"Is this your cat, ma'am?" Laurie asked as she showed her the cat they saved.

"Yes! It is! Oh thank you so much. You are so kind!" The woman hugged the Vegans.

"You're welcome! We're kind of in a rush though!" Miles said as they got on the cheese wheel and paddled quickly.

Owen and Alejandro were sweating as the Vegans got off their cheese wheel and started running towards the Chill Zone.

"Reluctant Allies! Your penalty is up!" Don said as Owen and Alejandro quickly ran to the Chill Zone.

"The Reluctant Allies take nineteenth!" Don said Owen and Alejandro sighed in relief. Heather and Noah who were watching, sighed in relief as well.

"That was too close for comfort." Heather said.

"How about we go eat somewhere. Just us two?" Alejandro asked as Heather kissed him.

"Sure. Jerk." Heather smirked as the Vegans arrived.

"Aw man." Laurie sighed.

"Vegans, I'm sorry, but you are eliminated." Don said.

"That million dollars would have helped so many causes." Miles said.

"Yeah, but at least we stuck to our principals and saved that cat." Laurie smiled.

"You're right. We can still help save animals." Miles said as the episode ended.

Bonus Clip:

Izzy and Eva's house.

"Movie night!" Izzy cheered.

"Did you invite everyone?" Eva asked.

"Uh huh! They should be here right about..." Izzy said as the door bell rang. "Now!"

Izzy opened the door to see Duncan, DJ, Gwen and Courtney.

"Hey guys!" DJ smiled.

"What's up?" Duncan said as she and Izzy fistbumped.

"Glad to see you guys. It's been a while since our last movie night." Courtney smiled.

"We brought some snacks and drinks!" Gwen added.

"Thank you everyone. Go leave whatever you brought on the table. We're waiting on more people." Eva said, as the doorbell rang. "Speak of the devil." Eva said as she opened the door.

It was Sierra, Ezekiel, Cody, Trent, Harold and Justin.

"Hi Eva!" Ezekiel waved.

"Hey Zeke." Eva smirked.

"I'm assuming we're also going to watch that on top of movies?" Harold raised an eyebrow.

"You know it nerd." Eva nodded. Harold smiled as they went to the living room. The doorbell rang once more.

"I wanna get the next door!" Izzy said as she opened the door.

It was Sadie, Katie, Lindsay and Beth.

"Hi Izzy!" Lindsay hugged Izzy.

"Heya Linds!" Izzy chuckled.

"Last movie night was so much fun." Sadie smiled.

"I bet this one will be just as amazing, Sadie!" Katie squeezed Sadie's hand.

"Come on in! We're starting!" Izzy said.

They played the first episode of the Ridonculous Race, which just aired.

"Why did Alejandro even accept your dare?" Duncan laughed.

"I don't know!" Izzy shrugged.

"Wait. Is that.." Courtney narrowed her eyes.

"Emma?" Courtney smiled.

Chapter Text

"Last time on the Ridonculous Race! Teams travelled to Paris where their wills were tested, their artistic skills were pushed and their bravery was challenged. And Owen ate more cheese... than scientifically possible. In the end, it was the Police Cadets who locked up first place. But for the Vegans, it was over for their fruitful endeavors. But hey, they saved a cat! So at least they stuck to their principles, I guess. Who will forget about their principles today to have a bigger shot at the million? Oh, they've all got potential." Don says while looking at the Adversity Twins working on their fear over a pencil. "Maybe not. Stay tuned because it's time for.... The Ridonculous Race!" Don smiled.

-Theme Song-

As the music played, a shot of the earth was shown. A hand held up a travel tip in front of it before showing silhouettes of the 42 contestants running. It showed shots of the map before zooming to show various photos and means of transportation. It showed a taxi door open before every team’s icon flashed onscreen. The camera showed the logo as a plane flew by and flipped the N.

"Yesterday's Chill Zone was the Louvre, which is today's starting point. Teams will start in the order the finished, which means the Cadets will-" Don is interrupted by the Ice Dancers walking in. "Woah woah woah! Yesterday's winners go first Icescapades." Don frowned while the Police Cadets ran in.

"Yeah, relax Silver Streak." MacArthur said.

"Wait your turn!" Sanders added.

—Interview: MacArthur and Sanders—

"I’ve got my eye on those Ice Dancers. Give ‘em an inch, and they’ll take the whole race."

Sanders ran to the Don Box and grabbed the tip, which said: "'Take the train to Calanque de Maubois on the Mediterranean coast and search the station for your next travel tip.'Come on!" she said as they ran off.

"Teams must take the train south to Calanque de Maubois. Calanque de Maubois skirts the Mediterranean on the south of France with sand so fine, you’d want it to get in your shorts! The rocky cliffs are just one of the many sights that make this a popular spot." Don said as it cut him to being in a beach. "Did I mention that the beaches are awesome? Because they are." Don then yelped in pain as a crab pinched him.

The camera cuts to the Ice Dancers, Queen Bees and Surfer Dudes grabbing their tips. They are followed by the Best Friends, Father And Son, Stepbrothers, Sisters and Jocks. Devin hit the button to grab the tip, only for it to be stolen by a mime who ran off. "Hey! Get back here!" He yelled as he chased them, while the rest of the teams looked over in confusion.

"What? Is that even allowed?" Emma asked.

"What's that German Clown doing here anyways? First I think we're going to Germany, only for us to be here in Paris! Wait, is Paris a part of Germany?" Lightning scratched his head, as everyone else looked at him, dumbfounded. Jo facepalmed.

Junior looked over to Carrie. "Hey, you're very pretty!" Junior smiled.

"Oh, thank you, little guy!" Carrie smiled.

"We're wasting time! Let's go!" Chet yelled as he grabbed the tip and ran.

Cut to Sanders trying, and failing, to get a cab. "Taxi! Taxi! There are so many cabs, why won’t they stop!?" she asked.

"No prob, I’ve got this." MacArthur said before hopping into the middle of the road, pulling out her badge, and yelling. "HALT!"

...This caused a huge car pileup. MacArthur then slammed her face into the window of the nearest taxi. "Police! We are commandeering this vehicle, maggot! Got one!" she raised a thumbs up as she turned back to Sanders. The latter looked concerned.

—Interview: Sanders and MacArthur—

"I’m a little concerned… MacArthur can be kind of, um, aggressive."

"What!? I dare you to say that again!" she yelled efore laughing. "I’m kidding, lighten up. Seriously, do it! Lighten up!" She yelled again.

Cut to the Ice Dancers approaching the entrance to the subway. "The subway! It’s the quickest way to the train station!" Jacques said as they entered, with the Queen Bees and Surfers following them.

—Interview: Brody and Geoff—

"Our strategy’s pretty simple. Instead of trying to figure out how to get somewhere ourselves, we just follow a team that’s smarter than us! And pretty much everyone’s smarter than us, so, yeah!" Brody explained.

"Wicked!" they said in unison.

Cut to Leshawna and Tyler grabbing their tip.

"You know, this is already like, way better than World Tour." Leshawna said.

"Tell me about it, we got to see Paris without being chased by angry bears and yetis." Tyler agreed.

"That's Chris McLain syndrome for ya." Leshawna chuckled.

"Let's not talk about that man on this show? Ok? Cool." Don interrupted the two speaking.

Cut to MacArthur driving the cab. Sanders was in the passenger seat while the actual driver sat in the backseat with a worried expression.

"I need directions, Sanders!" MacArthur shouted.

"There’s no map in the glove box!" Sanders replied.

"Time for bad cop." MacArthur smirked before turning to the backseat. "Train station! Directions! Now!" MacArthur yelled at the driver, who gave her directions while she drove.

Cut to Dwayne and Junior running along the sidewalk. "Heh, way to go, son! Ha, wasn’t sure you’d be able to keep up with yours truly! Heh just... hold up." Dwayne said while panting as Junior passed him with ease while Dwayne had to stop and take a breather.

"Those old years aren't doing you well pops!" Jo snickered as she and Lightning passed him.

"Old? I'm not that old!" Dwayne yelled back tiredly.

Cut to the Sisters who are in a cab together.

"Can you take a picture of me and my sister?" Kitty asked while pulling out her phone.

"This is a race, Kit! Not a vacay!" Emma replied.

"Just one picture of me and my big sister in France! Paaaaaris!" She said as she took a selfie of the two. Emma sighed but smiled.

Cut to Sanders looking out the window of her cab. "There it is!" she yelled.

"Saw this in a movie once, hold on." MacArthur said as she rapidly spun the wheel, causing the car to spin into the sidewalk and...... somehow land in a perfect parallel park. MacArthur got out and wrote up a ticket. "This is for parking in a fire zone."

—Interview: Sanders and MacArthur—

"Can you give a ticket outside of your jurisdiction?" Sanders asked as MacArthur pulled out a ticket and smirked.

"What? What’s this? ‘Excessive complaining.’ That is not an actual offense!" Sanders glared at the camera.

Cut to Owen, Alejandro, Gerry, and Pete getting their travel tips and running off. "While the Reluctant Allies and Tennis Rivals are the last to take off from the starting line, the first seven teams are about to leave the station." Don’s voiceover announced as the camera showed the Ice Dancers, Queen Bees, Surfer Dudes, Police Cadets, Sisters, Jocks and Junior boarding the train.

"C’mon, dad!" Junior yelled as Dwayne just barely managed to hop in before the doors closed.

"The rest of the teams race to catch the next train south." Don announced as the camera showed the Fashion Bloggers applying makeup in their cab.

"The south of France is where the most glamorous people in the world hang out, it’s like Paris, with glossier lipstick." Jen said. Suddenly, Tom gasped.

"Oh, No! Please, please, please tell me I have it…!" he said as he ruffled through his bag, only to let out a sigh of relief. "Got it. Spray tan?"

"Do you even have to ask?" Jen smiled as Tom sprayed her with the can.

Cut to the Geniuses’ cab which was just behind the Fashion Bloggers.

"Take Lebront to Canal…." Mary began instructing the driver.

"Canal to Germaine…" Ellody continued.

"Germaine to Belmont…"

"Turn left of Lagrante…"

"reverse onto Boarou…"

"And U-turn back to Lagrante south of Dunkirk!” they finished in unison.

—Interview: Ellody and Mary—

"We weren’t exactly ‘popular’ in high school. But memorizing the street maps of every urban center is just as fun as going to parties." Ellody said.

"Or dates, or being a cheerleader or taking non-science electives."

"Our choices are paying off! We can out-think all the other teams!"

"Boom."

Cut to Lorenzo looking at a poster in the train station before Chet ran up to him, out of breath and sweating. Lorenzo stuck his tongue out at him. The Best Friends who were in front of them looked concerned.

—Interview: Lorenzo and Chet—

"I took a subway, he took a taxi!" Lorenzo smirked.

"Can you tell Lorenzo that the time he wasn’t with me was the best part of the trip so far!?" Chet complained.

"Oh yeah!? Please tell Chet that before he was in my life was the best part of my life so far!"

....They began fighting again.

-Interview: Devin and Carrie-

"Woah, those two sure are something, huh?" Devin chuckled.

"It would suck to be stuck with someone you hate in this race." Carrie replied.

"Yeah, but we don't have that problem! We never fight, homie!" Devin smiled.

"Yep!"

Cut to the Best Friends, Stepbrothers, Daters, Goths, Reality TV Pros, Geniuses, and Fashion Bloggers waiting for the train. "Your skin pigmentation looks like it’s recieved too much dihydroxic acetone." Mary said to Tom and Jen, who were covered in spray tan. Ellody laughed and Mary chuckled. The Fashion Bloggers didn’t get it.

"I think we found Harold's people." Tyler nudged to Leshawna, who sighed.

"They do sort of remind me of that fool." Leshawna smiled.

"As group two awaits at the train station, group one has just arrived at the beach." Don announced as the camera showed the teams from the first train running out of it in their swim suits.

"There’s the Don Box!" Dwayne said as he and the others grabbed their tips. "It’s a Botch or Watch. Whose turn is it?"

"Yours. What’s the challenge?" Junior asked.

"Who wants to swim with SHARKS?!" Brody read before gasping in terror.

Cut to Don standing on a boat in the water, surrounded by sharks with travel tips on their fin. "In this Botch or Watch challenge, whoever didn’t draw the caricature in Paris must swim to this part of the Mediterranean and retrieve a travel tip from the dorsal fin of a great white shark!" he said before one tried to jump up and bite him. He screamed as hopped back.

"Uh, try that again and you’ll get a taste of this! Wanna dance with the widowmaker?" Don taunted before the shark hopped up again, causing him to scream again.

Cut to Sanders reading the tip. "Note: eaten teammates will result in disqualification. Wow, they really thought of everything." she said, concerned.

"Are you sure you got this?" Heather raised an eyebrow.

"Trust me, I've handled worse as an assistant." Noah nodded before going into the water.

-Interview: Emma and Kitty-

"I'm scared yeah, but I'm glad I'll be in the water instead of Kit. If anything ever happened to her..." Emma started as Kitty "awwwed." "....they'd disqualify us immediately." Emma smirked.

"Touché." Kitty smirked back.

"Crush it, bro!" Geoff said as he punched Brody’s tattoo.

"Consider it crushed!" Brody fistbumped Geoff as he approached the water.

“Swim with sharks? Man, did I dodge a bullet or what? Ha!” MacArthur smiled.

“Still here.” Sanders said nervously.

"Sorry. Just glad I’m not you. …what’s the hold up!? Get botching!" MacArthur said as she shoved Sanders into the water. "That’ll put some fire in her belly."

"Watch and learn, muscle boy." Jo said as she approached the water. Lightning pulled out his notepad.

Cut to the seven Botchers swimming towards the sharks, with Josee leaping out over them. Junior watched as Dwayne was moving noticeably slower than the other five.

—Interview: Dwayne and Junior—

"Turns out swimming in shark-infested water is way harder in the old body than sitting at a desk all day. Who knew?"

As a shark swam towards Josee, she did a backflip over it out of the water and grabbed the tip from its fin before beginning to swim back.

“Woah." Noah merely said before swimming towards a shark. As he got close, Brody leapt on top of it.

"Sorry dude! Can’t- grab the- shark fin-! Gotta go!" he yelled as the shark hopped in and out of the water. Noah just blinked. "He's just like Geoff." He mumbled.

"As the teams from train number one battle with the top of the aquatic food chain, train number two has arrived." Don announced as the camera showed the Geniuses, Stepbrothers, Goths, Reality TV Pros and Daters exiting the train.

"Weren’t there six teams onboard?" Mary asked.

"No time, there’s the Don Box! Hurry!" Ellody said as they all ran to grab their tips.

Cut to Jo pulling a tip off of a shark’s fin underwater, only for it to notice her causing Jo to square up to fight the shark, however she let go of the tip. The tip floated up to the surface and ended up right in front of Dwayne, who immediately grabbed it.

—Interview: Junior and Dwayne—

"I'm actually kinda proud of my dad. Takes guts to swim towards a shark."

"Ah, Junior! This isn’t your dad’s first shark rodeo! Nono, pal, if anything those sharks should’ve been scared of the Dwayne-man! Hi-ya!" Junior ducked as Dwayne punched and shattered the camera lens. "Oops! Uh, sorry about that! You okay?" Junior sighed.

"You had draw a picture, I have swallow my own barf and swim with sharks!? This is so unfair!" Chet yelled to Lorenzo on the shore.
"Only if you’re you!" Lorenzo yelled back.

Meanwhile, Stephanie and Ryan were kissing again, "Baby, if one of those sharks eats you, I will eat that shark so that we will always be together!" Stephanie said. And then they started making out again. Geoff, Heather, Leshawna and Tyler looked at them in confusion, but then saw Jen and Tom on a yacht.

"Hi everyone! Hope you didn’t miss us!" Tom yelled out.

"What is going on?" Leshawna raised an eyebrow.

"Guys, is that how Bridgette and I looked in Action?" Geoff asked while pointing at the Daters who are currently making out.

"Yes." Heather, Tyler and Leshawna said in unison. Tyler was stepping in the water.

"Oh."

—Interview: Jen and Tom—

"We step out the train at a stop.." Jen started explaining.

"Just to breathe it in."

"And right there, in the platform?"

"The Prince of Monaco!"

"He asked where we were headed!"

"One thing leads to another…"

"Yacht ride!"

"With a prince!"

“Thanks for the ride, your highness!” Jen said, only for a shark to hop out of the water, Tom jumping into her arms and yelling in fear as it tried to bite them.

Cut to Josee just swimming elegantly. "She is beauty, grace, and strength, every move like a swan that makes other swans feel ugly." Jacques narrated, only for an actual swan to show up to bite him, making him yelp in pain.

Meanwhile, Dwayne was approaching the shore. "Go get a bucket! We gotta build a castle!" he yelled out to his son as he struggled to stay afloat.

“Dwayne may be drowning, but he’s right. For this All-In, challenge, teams have to build a replica of the Palace of Versailles. When local sandcastle prodigy, Sandy McCastles, probably a fake name, decides their castle’s good enough, he’ll hand them their next travel tip.” Don explained.

Cur to Sanders arriving onshore. "About time. My grandmother can dog-paddle faster than you." MacArthur said.

"Yeah, that shark had nothing on me!" Jo said as she surfaced with a travel tip… only for a shark to pop out under her. "…that bites."

Cut to Noah who was... petting a shark. "Hey little guy, I'm just going to take this travel tip, okay? That's all." Noah said in his doggy voice, and the shark... let him freely take the tip. Noah grinned as Heather looked in shock.

"Noah, nice going man! DJ 2.0!" Tyler cheered as he was grabbing his own travel tip from wrestling with a shark.

"Wow.." Emma admired Noah as she was approaching the shore with a tip in her hands.

-Interview: Heather and Noah-

"How.... How???" Heather simply said.

"I'm not a peoples person. So an animal person remains. And that's what I am. I'm good with animals, that's all I can tell you really." Noah shrugged.

Cut to Mary who popped out of the water with two sharks after her. However, the sharks quickly left and dropped their travel tips.

—Interview: Mary and Ellody—

"No, sharks aren’t afraid of me, but they are afraid of magnets."

"Technically, it’s not fear."

"Of course not, I was being facetious. Charged metals and salt water create a weak electrical field, which disrupts sharks’ electroreception senses."

"Oh, we should explain. Salt water is an ionic solution. It contains particles with unpaired electrons."

"I wish we had a dry erase board."

Don’s voice came in. "Speaking of dry, can we cut to something more exciting?"

The camera cut to Devin screaming as he swan away from a shark. "Thank you! The third train has arrived, and as more teams begin the second challenge, the Surfer Dudes are still trying to finish the first one." he said as Geoff was looking out towards the Botchers.

"I don’t see him anywhere." Geoff said.

"Shark dude, can you at least chase me towards shore!?" Brody asked the shark that was chasing him. The camera showed they were half a mile away.

Cut to Rock nervously walking into the water.

—Interview: Rock and Spud—

"I guess I’ll do pretty much anything to win. I need the money for my parents. They’re not getting any younger, and they really want me out of their basement! If we win, I can build my own basement!" Rock said as he starts rocking out.

Cut to a shark swimming towards someone leaving the water. He growled at them… only for Crimson to peak just the top of her head and her eyes out. In fear, the shark tossed her the ticket.

"Okay, there's no scientific explanation for that." Ellody said as she watched that unfold.

Cut to Pete who was looking for a tip, only to find the one that the second shark had left when Mary used her magnet. He laughed and started swimming to shore.

-Interview: Gerry and Pete-

"Sandcastles? Now, we're no kids! What are these challenges?" Pete complained.

"Maybe they took inspiration from my drawing in Paris!" Gerry said as they laughed.

"Or maybe from your personality!" Pete added as they laughed even harder.

The Daters smiled at each other as they worked on theirs, the Stepbrothers were throwing piles of sand at each other from their own separate work in progress castles, and the Father and Son were creating a huge pile of sand to work with.

—Interview: Junior and Dwayne—

“I was worried about dad before, but now he’s really going for it!”

“Building is what men were born to do!”

Cut to the Police Cadets with about a third of a really huge sandcastle, “You sure it has to be big?” Sanders asked.

“You wanna take a chance on losing here!? We go big or go home!” MacArthur replied.

"Maybe we should take inspiration. Not too small, not too big. So we don't spend much time, but not risk losing." Emma said as Kitty agreed.

"Please, the kid is no artist! He won't tell the difference!" Gerry said as he started working on a small sandcastle while Pete was working on his own.

Meanwhile, the Geniuses hadn’t begun work on their castle yet. Instead, they had fifteen feet worth of equations drawn into the sand.

—Interview: Mary and Ellody—

"We’re scientists. We know how important the planning phase is."

"Agreed. We’re building a sandcastle here, this isn’t kids stuff!"

Cut to Sandy disapproving the Father and Son’s first castle attempt and Gerry's. "Not good enough!? I was making sandcastles before you even born, pal!" Dwayne argued.

"And I was making sandcastles before he was even born!" Gerry said. Junior facepalmed.

"Yes!" Owen yelled as he grabbed his tip in the water, only to see three other sharks circling him. "Uh, any chance you guys are dolphins?" he chuckled.

—Interview: Owen and Alejandro—

"I heard somewhere that sharks can smell fear. Or was it dogs that can smell it…?"

"It's dogs." Alejandro sighed.

"Well, we've gotten through stickier situations! Remember Jamaica?" Owen asked.

"Where you were in the medical center for most of the challenge? Yes. Let's focus on this show though." Alejandro replied.

Cut to Brody, who was the only one still in the water, screaming as a shark chased him.

—Interview: Geoff—

“My grandmother told me once that if you swim into a shark’s mouth, you just keep on swimming!”

"All the teams have reunited and begun working on their sand chateaus except for the Brody and Geoff." Don announced.

 "Alright, where is he? Little judge? Tiny opinionated man!? Ah, here we go!" Dwayne said as Sandy walked over. After giving it a look, he smiled and handed Dwayne the tip.

"Yes!" Junior yelled.

"Okay! Grab a speedboat and follow the GPS to the Chill Zone on the southern in tip of Iceland." Dwayne read.

"Iceland. The southernmost dock of this frigid island is the finish line for this section of the race." Don said as the camera showed him at the Chill Zone. "The last team to meet me on the Carpet of Completion could be headed home."

"Hurry!" Dwayne yelled as he and Junior ran towards the speedboats. The Ice Dancers followed.

“Aww, look at the cute little castle!” Kitty said as she looked at the Father and Son’s castle, as they just got the tip from Sandy with their medium sized castle.

"Let's go Kit!" Emma yelled as the Queen Bees were following.

"Hold the sand phone, it doesn’t have to be big!?" MacArthur asked.

"You’ve gotta be kidding me!" Pete yelled as he kicked down the castle he was working on.

"You were almost done with that one!" Gerry yelled. Pete facepalmed as he ran to help Gerry with his.

Cut to Dwayne trying and failing to start a speedboat.

"Come on, let’s grab a different boat!" Junior said.

"Nah, come on, you’ve just gotta adjust the, uh… choke-mechanism thingy." Dwayne said as he looked at the boat’s motor, which had several disconnected wires. Junior sighed.

—Interview: Junior and Dwayne—

"My dad tried to attach a bell to my bike once. When he was done, the wheels were gone. Just… gone."

"It was a Swedish bell, very  tricky instructions! Had to take the whole darn bike apart! .....Hey, was that the summer you walked everywhere?"

"Yup."

"I cannot believe the first two boats we picked were broken!" Dwayne said as he and Junior hopped into a third boat.

"Have you tried turning the key before pressing the start button?" Junior asked. Dwayne did just that and the boat started.

"Huh. Must be one of those Swedish boats. I’ll dri-" Dwayne began before Junior started driving instead.

Cut to Brody finally arriving onshore… with the shark on his head. He fell over, causing the shark to spit him out, ticket in hand "That was crazy wild… let’s go!" Brody said before the shark spat a fish on his face.

Cut to the Fashion Bloggers getting their tips before hopping in a speedboat. The Tennis Rivals’ castle was finally accepted as they cheered. After struggling a bit with their speedboat, the Best Friends got moving too, the Police Cadets, Jocks and the Stepbrothers only a little behind them, though Chet and Lorenzo were arguing and constantly switching who drove.

"Fine! We'll switch every 12 second! 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi.." Lorenzo started counting.

"You're counting too fast!" Chet complained.

Suddenly, the Best Friends’ boat began slowing down as the engine began pouring out steam. "Oh no! We’ve got a problem! Any faster and the motor will die! Slow and steady wins the race, I guess…?" Devin said.

"You better have a permit to barbecue on that thing!" Sanders joked as she drove past them.

"Maybe we can organize one after the race!" Jo chuckled as she drove past them too.

Cut to the Father and Som reaching the Carpet of Completion. "Dwayne, Junior, you’re the first to arrive at this Chill Zone." Don announced.

"Haha, yes! We are the best!" Dwayne said.

"Unfortunately, you broke a rule by reading the travel tip before reuniting with Junior on the beach."

"What!?" Dwayne said before pulling out his wallet. "Surely we can, uh, work something out here. Hey, you like coupons? 25 cents off eggy muffins at McDunna’s, eh? Ooh, ooh, or free fries with- oh, this one’s expired…."

"Twenty minute penalty." Don said. Dwayne sighed.

"More teams head to the boats, but others get hung up on details." Don’s voiceover said as the camera showed the Geniuses’ finished equations.

"373,996 cubic yards, done! Now, to build a perfect model with our data." Ellody said… only for the ride to come in and wash away all of their work. "No! Our data!"

"We’ll just have to wing it." Mary said, seemingly mostly indifferent.

"Wing!? I never wing! I don’t know how!" Ellody yelled in fear.

Cut to the Ice Dancers blowing kisses to the camera on the Carpet of Completion. "Jacques, Josee, you’ve come in first. I expected more insanity, glad to see you’re keeping it professional." Don said.

—Interview: Jacques and Josee—

They were running back and forth on the beach, screaming about it their greatness.

"We did it! We're number one!" Jacques could be heard yelling.

Cut to the Sisters and the Queen Bees arriving at the Carpet Of Completion.

"Sisters, you've come in second! Queen Bees, third again." Don said as the two teams cheered.

"Second place! That's amazing, Kit!" Emma smiled.

"Hey, you two are pretty good. Done this before?" Kitty asked.

"We've been on reality shows before, and she's won once." Noah replied.

"Don't count yourself out, you were third on the same show I won in!" Heather added. Kitty was about to continue only to be grabbed by Emma. The other two just looked confused.

"Kit! What are you doing?" Emma whispered.

"I'm making small talk! They're cool! Also you're clearly interested in that Noah guy." Kitty whispered back.

"They're the enemies Kit! The enemies! You can't trust them!"

"...you do know we can hear you right?" Heather raised an eyebrow.

"Am I wrong? You've won in reality TV, so you must know that you can't trust anyone." Emma said.

"Well... not really. I put my trust in a good amount of people, and it worked. And mind you, that show we were in required way more trust than this." Heather replied.

"Let's just go." Emma grabbed Kitty.

-Interview: Heather and Noah-

"She doesn't trust people easily, I respect it. Considering I had a similar mindset back then as well. They do look like a good option to ally with though."

"Mhm.." Noah looked to be in thought.

Cut to the Fashion Bloggers arriving at the Chill Zone. "Jennifer, Thomas, you’ve arrived in fourth place. However, you didn’t arrive in Calanque de Maubois by train as instructed, you took a yacht instead. Twenty minute penalty." Don announced.

—Interview: Tom and Jen—

"Whatevs, we rode a yacht!" Tom said.

"And partied with a prince on a yacht!" Jen added.

"Don so wishes he was us."

"I do not!" Don poked his head in. "So, uh, how was it? Did I like miss anything cool or-"

Cut to the Reluctant Allies arriving at the Carpet Of Completion.

"Owen and Alejandro, you're in fourth place!" Don said as Owen cheered.

-Interview: Owen and Alejandro-

"Yes! Woohoo!" Owen cheered.

"From second last to fourth. I'll admit it Owen, you did well." Alejandro said reluctantly, as Owen sniffed and was about to tear up.

"THAT'S THE NICEST THING YOU'VE EVER SAID TO ME!" Owen yelled as he hugged Alejandro tightly. Alejandro was visibly in pain.

"Put me down, you oaf...!" Alejandro choked up.

Cut to Geoff and Brody getting their travel tip from Sandy. "Dude, we’re in dead last!” Brody yelled.

"Did you hear something?" Mary asked from her and Ellody’s castle.

"No, you've gotta focus!” Ellody yelled.

"Of course."

Cut to the Police Cadets arriving at the Carpet Of Completion. "Fifth!" Don said as the Cadets high fived. Just then, the penalties at the Chill Zone ended. "Sixth! Seventh!" Don said as he pointed to the Father and Son and Fashion Bloggers respectively.

"Never! Say! Die!" Geoff and Brody yelled in unison from their speedboat.

"Eighth! Ninth! Tenth! Eleventh! Twelfth!" Don said to the Daters, Stepbrothers, Goths, Reality TV Pros and Jocks respectively.

Just then, two tourists walked onto the Carpet of Completion. "Who are you? And who are you? Are you supposed to be on this show?" Don asked. The two walked off, much to his confusion. Just then, the Tennis Rivals arrived.

"Well I'm certaintly surprised. The Tennis Rivals take thirteenth!" Don said as the two sighed in relief.

-Interview: Pete and Gerry-

"We need to step our game up. If this is how we place every time, we won't get any sponsorships! At most, we'll get deals for tube socks! And I hate tube socks! You never know where to put your heel!" Pete complained.

"Well, there goes the tube socks sponsorship." Gerry said as they laughed.

Meanwhile, more teams reached the Chill Zone. "Mother and Daughter in fourteenth, Adversity Twins take fiftheenth and the Rockers score sixteenth." Don announced.

-Interview: Rock and Spud-

"You have to help out, dude! I've been doing the heavy lifting!" Rock said.

"I'm just resting so I can save up my energy for later challenges." Spud replied, but Rock didn't look convinced.

Cut to the Best Friends slowly moving across the water, "Looks like we might be going home..." Devin said sadly.

—Interview: Devin and Carrie—

"So unfair that it’s a because of a faulty motor and not something we did wrong. We’re a great team."

"Yeah, we really are."

Cut to Geoff and Brody, who were cheering as they sped across the ocean… only for their motor to pop open and begin smoking a little bit. "Aw, man! Now what!?" Geoff yelled.

—Interview: Brody and Geoff—

"I never should’ve let myself get stuck in that shark’s mouth! Now we’re gonna get eliminated because of me! That was my biggest fear....." Brody sighed.

"Hey, bro! We win as a team! We lose as a team! We’re a team, man! And I’m not sure what I’m trying to say, because… I’m really disappointed right now…." Geoff said sadly.

Brody tapped the motor with his finger, zapping him but also boosting them forward a bit. "Dude, dude! That worked! Do it again!" Geoff said. Despite Brody’s pain, he continuously began talking the motor, sending them forward.

"Homie, that’s Iceland!" Carrie said to Devin as they saw the dock in the distance.

"There it is!" Geoff yelled.

"I can see the dock!" Devin yelled.

"So close, guy! Just a few more jolts and we're golden!" Geoff yelled.

Cut back to Don talking to members of production. "All I’m saying is that the Chill Zone could really use a sofa, so- oh, here they are!" he said as the boats neared the dock, with the Beat Friends reaching the Chill Zone first.

“Carrie, Devin, seventheenth place!” he announced as they cheered, just as Geoff and Brody arrived next, who were disappointed.

"It's ok Don, we already know. Just blast us with the bad news." Geoff sighed.

"Geoff, Brody. I'm sorry. You are...... second last! AKA eighteenth place AKA still in the race!" Geoff cheered.

"Woohoo! You hear that bro?!? Ow.." Geoff winced in pain as he touched Brody's shoulder, getting hit with a jolt in response.

Cut to Don flying in a helicopter over where Ellody and Mary were still working on an equation. "Ahoy, Geniuses! I’m afraid the other teams reached the Chill Zone! You are out of the race! I’m in a helicopter! This is so cool!" Don yelled down to them.

A montage began playing of the Geniuses's short time in the show. "How ironic! Our strength in urban planning was also our downfall!" Mary said.

"That just proves how flawed this show is! Well, we played our part." Ellody added.

"I suppose, Geniuses aren't always as smart as they think!" Mary said before they both started laughing.

"You told a joke."

"I did."

"Wonderful." Ellody said as the episode ended.

Chapter Text

"Last time on the Ridonculous Race, our teams got chummy with sharks! Some more than others. Once they finished making castles in the sand, it was a boat race from the Mediterranean to Iceland. It looked like last place belonged to our Surfer Dudes, but it was the Geniuses who choked on their massive brains and got eleiminated. Who will choke on their brains this week? Heh, there's zero chance of it being me. Ready to kick it? Good. Because this is... the Ridonculous Race!" Don smiled as the intro began.

-Theme Song-

As the music played, a shot of the earth was shown. A hand held up a travel tip in front of it before showing silhouettes of the 42 contestants running. It showed shots of the map before zooming to show various photos and means of transportation. It showed a taxi door open before every team’s icon flashed onscreen. The camera showed the logo as a plane flew by and flipped the N.

Open on Don walking down the dock. "Welcome to Iceland, where today’s starting line is yesterday’s Chill Zone. And chill it is, my walnuts are frozen solid!" he said as he held up a bag of walnuts. "The first team to depart will be the Ice Dancers. Go!"

Josee pressed the button on the Don Box. "Take a bus to the nearest geyser field of and locate the Don Box." she read.

"These geysers are part of an active volcano field tucked under a skimpy twenty centimeter layer of salacious sinter. Whatever that means." Don said over the picture montage. "Sounds dangerous, though."

—Interview: Josee and Jacques—

"Coming in first has given us a taste for gold! We hope to be at the top of the podium from here on!"

"And I love the taste of gold in the morning!"

Cut to the Ice Dancers approaching a bus stop. "Hurry! C’mon, where’s our bus!? We’re gonna lose our lead!" Jacques complained as the Sisters, Queen Bees, Reluctant Allies, Police Cadets, Fashion Bloggers, Father and Son and the Daters caught up to them.

“Don’t even think about getting on the bus before us!”

You can’t stop me from thinking that! Get out of my head!” MacArthur yelled.

“Oh yeah!?”

"Yeah!" MacArthur yelled back as both teams got closer to each other to glare, completely missing the fact that the Sisters were right between them.

"Uh-" Emma was about to say before getting interrupted.

"Uh, guys? The bus?" Noah said as he and Heather quickly boarded, the rest of the teams following suit.

-Interview: Emma and Kitty-

"Those Ice Dancers seem suspicious. We should keep an eye on them." Emma noted.

"I think you're too busy having your eye on someone else." Kitry giggled before getting hit in the elbow. "Ow!"

"Not true." Emma glared.

"Our first teams head off as the next team gets psyched up." Don said as the camera showed Chet and Lorenzo fighting over a travel tip."But for some, the fear and panic is clearly visible on their faces."

The camera panned to show that Don was referring to the Goths and Reality TV Pros, who in actuality looked completely neutral.

"Uh, we're completely fine." Tyler stated.

"I said the fear and panic. FEAR. AND PANIC!" Don said as he glared at the Goths.

"We're good Do-" Leshawna was about to add only for Don to get closer to the Goths.

"FEAR. AND PANIC!" Don yelled as the Adversity Twins started panicking over a spider.

"Spider!" Jay yelled in fear.

"Better!" Don smiled.

"Spider!!!!" Mickey yelled from atop Jay’s head.

—Interview: Mickey and Jay—

"And I’m only mildly afraid of spiders. You should see me around a werewolf." Jay nodded as if that made sense.

The Jocks, Tennis Rivals and Mother and Daughter ran past the Adversity Twins, Taylor squashing the spider the process, allowing the Twins to get their tip as well.

-Interview: Tennis Rivals-

"I got a good feeling about our chances this time, we're proving that you don't need young energy and athletism to win! It's all up here." Pete said as he pointed at his head.

"Yeah, the last time you used that thing, you didn't need a cane!" Gerry said as they laughed.

"And the last time you used it, you didn't need your grandchild to remind you to take your pills!" Pete added as they laughed even harder.

Cut to the first bus arriving at the geyser field as the teams piled out of it, the Police Cadets reaching the Don Box first as Sanders grabbed the tip. "It’s an All-In. Broken Icelandic Telephone." She read.

"For this All-In, teams need to hold down the button on this speaker box to hear me say 'Please give me my next Travel Tip.'in Icelandic with perfect pronunciation." Don smirked as he pressed the button.

"Vinsamlegast gefðu mér mina travel ábending." The speaker recited.

"Then, they must run across the geothermal field of hot springs and repeat the sentence to this Icelandic local." Don said as he approached a woman wearing a.... swan. "Sweet sister of ducks, what are you wearing!? …say the sentence right, you get the next tip. Say it wrong, and you have to go all the way back to hear the sentence again."

Cut to the Police Cadets arriving at the speaker. "Open your ears, here it comes!"  MacArthur said as she pressed the button. As soon as they heard the sentence, they got running.

"Press it again!" Junior said as he and his father ran up.

"No need, kiddo! Let’s hustle!" Dwayne said as he began running. Junior knew for a fact this would end poorly.

—Interview: Dwayne and Junior—

"My mind is a steel trap. Once I know something, it-" Dwayne started but was interrupted.

"Really? When’s my birthday?" Junior asked.

"…Summertime?"

"October 28th." Junior deadpanned.

“Seven more teams head for the geyser field.” Don said as the camera showed the Stepbrothers, Goths, Reality TV Pros, Jocks, Tennis Rivals, Mother and Daughter, and Adversity Twins onboard the second bus. "But another three have yet to begin the race." Don said as the camera showed the Rockers, the Best Friends and the Surfer Dudes.

Cut back to the Police Cadets and Ice Dancers avoiding geysers while Dwayne and Junior stopped just before one went off. "Just follow my lead, son!" Dwayne said.

—Interview: Dwayne and Junior—

"All you have to do is time it right and we will be talking to that beautiful swan lady in no time! Uh, did I say beautiful? I mean she was wearing a… beautiful swan…? Honey, I miss you!" Dwayne blowed an air kiss at the camera.

Junior sighed at his father’s incompetence.

"Now!" Dwayne said, only for him and Junior to be blasted into the air by a geyser.

Cut to the Sisters, Reluctant Allies and Queen Bees. Owen was talking into the speaker box. "Wontons, rice, garlic shrimp and egg rolls, please!" He said. Alejandro facepalmed as Kitty chuckled.

"Uh guys, we have no time, let's move!" Heather said as they started running, while the second bus arrived.

"Bus number two has arrived as our last four teams have finally departed." Don said as the camera showed the Rockers, Best Friends and the Surfer Dudes running to the bus stop. Brody was still fried.

"Wait, we didn't even hear the phrase!" Emma said.

"It's okay, we'll help you out." Noah said as Emma looked shocked.

"Well- uh, if you're lying to us, just know you're gonna go down." Emma glared.

-Interview: Emma and Kitty-

"Awww, isn't he so nice? He's helping you out and we're not even in an alliance!" Kitty said as Emma looked to be in thought, only for her to shake her head.

"No, this is obviously some trick to rope us into an alliance and then leave us.

—Interview: Geoff and Brody—

"Starting out in second to last place is tough, especially because Brody’s so messed up! Guy got a few too many shocks from that speedboat." Brody then jolted with electricity for a moment. "But I can do all the heavy lifting! It’s too early to give up and go home! Surfers don’t quit, right, dude?" Brody jolted again.

Cut to the Ice Dancers reaching the swan lady. Josee recited the sentence with ease. The swan lady smiled as she handed them their tip. "Take the helicopter to Skaftafell National Park and find the next Don Box." she read as the camera showed them larding a golden helicopter.

"The Ice Dancers have the lead, but now they’ll have to wait. The helicopter will only depart once seven teams are aboard." Don’s voiceover said. The Ice Dancers were still smiling, jeez is that creepy.

Cut to the Surfers, Rockers and Best Friends who were waiting for the bus.

"Yo dude, is he alright?" Rock asked Geoff, nudging towards the fried Brody.

"I have absolutely no idea." Geoff replied.

Meanwhile, Devin was shivering. "This reminds me of last winter when Maggie locked me out the car from buying her the wrong kind of tea." he told Carrie, but Rock overheard.

"When she WHAT!?" Carrie and Rock yelled in shock.

—Interview: Carrie and Rock—

"He got frostbite and nearly lost four toes over a tea!? He deserves better than that! Heck, a rabid goat deserves better than that!" Carrie said.

"Not cool, man. Not cool." Rock shook his head.

Cut to some of the teams running through the geyser field. Meanwhile, Alejandro was trying to pull Owen out of a geyser he’d managed to get stuck in. "I’m stuck! Tell my parents I lived a good life!" Owen said before being blasted into the air... only to get stuck in another geyser.

"Dios mio." Alejandro muttered.

Cut to Dwayne talking to the swan lady. "Uh, vinsamelgast gefðu mér… gingle traveleer… scoopidie doop doop?" he said. The swan lady looked confused while Junior just facepalmed.

"Well you gotta admit, your language is pretty darn ridiculous!" Dwayne chuckled as the swan lady glared at him.

—Interview: Dwayne and Junior—

"I cannot be expected to memorize something I only heard once."

"WHAT!? You've gotta be kidding me!"

Meanwhile, the other teams were still running through the geyser field. Sanders got blasted and started yelling. "Don't worry, I'm fine just DO-" Sanders said as MacArthur started carrying her over her shoulder again, and Tom and Jen were screaming while covering their hair. Jen was screaming so loudly in fact that she shattered a camera lens.

Cut to the Tennis Rivals, where they were reciting the sentence. "Vinsamlegast gefðu mér mina travel ábending." Gerry said as the swan lady smiled and gave them the tip. They laughed and moved on.

-Interview: Gerry and Pete-

"My cousin lived in Iceland for some time, so I know some of their language." Gerry explained.

"Surprised you remember it, I doubt you could remember your cousin if you saw his face!" Pete said as he laughed.

"True enough, I sometimes forget yours!" Gerry added as they laughed even harder.

Cut to the other teams running through the field, Dwayne and Junior being the only ones running back as the third bus arrived. "Hurry!" Dwayne yelled. The Goths were also just walking because they really couldn’t be bothered. Rock and Spud were also running. "Come on bud, we can do it!" Jay and Mickey got blasted by a geyser but really didn’t mind it all too much.

—Interview: Jay and Mickey—

"Saltwater helps Mickey’s eczema. Sometimes it gets so bad, his knees look like armadillos."

Cut to the Goths and Reluctant Allies arriving at the swan lady. Taylor was also standing there. "Are you finished?" Ennui asked her.

"No, my mom trashed the Icelandic talking, so I made her go back herself." Taylor replied, as Alejandro glared at her.

"Vinsamlegast gefðu mér mina travel ábending." Crimson recited perfectly. The swan lady handed her the tip. Alejandro also recited it, giving them the tip as well as Owen cheered.

—Interview: Crimson and Ennui—

"Most of our favorite bands are from Iceland, so yeah, we speak the language."

-Interview: Alejandro-

"¡Ridículo! What kind of daughter is she?" Alejandro said.

Cut to Devin and Carrie leaving the speaker box as Dwayne and Junior arriving, Dwayne pressing the button with his chin.

—Interview: Dwayne and Junior—

"This time, I’ll remember it!" Junior sighed. "What? That lady’s goosey dress distracted me!"

Cut to Chet and Lorenzo arguing in front of an annoyed swan lady. "I had the first half of the sentence! You were supposed to remember the second half!" Chet said as he shoved Lorenzo.

"Other way around, buttstain!" Lorenzo said as he shoved him. Annoyed, the swan lady shoved both of them.

-Interview: Chet and Lorenzo—

"That girl is so into me." Chet said.

"You wish, she’s into me, jerky!"

"As if! You’re dreaming!" he pushed Lorenzo.

"You’re the one who needs to wake up!" he pushed Chet. And the two started fighting again.

Cut to Tom and Jen arriving at the swan lady. Jen gasped. 'Is that an original patroki? Fierce! Doesn’t hurt that you absolutely have the bod to pull it off." she said. Flattered, the swan lady handed her the tip.

Cut to the Fashion Bloggers boarding the helicopter, "The helicopter needs two more teams before it can lift off." Don announced as the camera showed a montage of teams running back and forth, some messing up the phrase in the process. After the Police Cadets got their tip, the Sisters and the Queen Bees arrived.

"Vinsamlegast gefðu mér mina travel ábending." Noah recited as they received their tip. They waited for the Sisters.

"Vinsamlegast gefðu......" Emma started before forgetting the rest of the sentence.

"mér mina travel ábending!" Kitty finished as they received their tip, Emma sighed in relief. The Queen Bees smiled.

-Interview: Emma and Kitty-

"Thanks for helping there, Kit." Emma smiled.

"You shouldn't be thanking me, but Noah for helping us out with the sentence!" Kitty smirked.

"Maybe he isn't so bad." Emma looked in thought. Kitty started clapping.

The two teams left for the helicopter as the Daters arrived.

—Interview: Ryan and Stephanie—

"I memorized the first half, and Steph took the second half!"

"We share everything! Except french fries. If he ever touched my fries, kablam!" she yelled as she punched her fist.

"Vinsamlegast gefðu mér-" Ryan began.

"-mina travel ablendeering." Stephanie finished. The swan lady shook her head as Stephanie gasped.

—Interview: Ryan and Stephanie—

"Aww, ábending! You were so close!"

"I know I was close! She totally should’ve given us the tip! Ugh!"

"Hey, we’re doing great! It’s okay!"

"No, I don’t let you down, you don’t let me down, that’s what love is! No mistakes! Ever!" she stormed off, leaving Ryan looking very concerned.

"Oh hey, something slightly entertaining from these two. Who knew?" Don said.

Cut to the Sisters and the Queen Bees reaching the helicopter.

"Wait, there's only one more team left before the helicopter takes off." Heather pointed out.

"Well, we're in no rush." Noah shrugged. "Go ahead, we can catch up." Noah told the Sisters.

"What? Really?" Emma looked surprised. "We aren't even in an alliance."

"Well, we plan for that to change someday." Heather smiled. "We like your style."

"Thanks guys!" Kitty highfived Noah and Heather as she and Emma boarded the helicopter and it took off.

-Interview: Emma and Kitty-

"Maybe an alliance with them wouldn't be the worst idea." Emma mumbled.

"See! I told you!" Kitty smiled.

-Interview: Heather and Noah-

"We're here for fun mostly, besides it's not like we're gonna be in last place." Heather said.

"Yep." Noah nodded.

The camera shows the inside of the helicopter, where the Ice Dancers, Tennis Rivals, Reluctant Allies, Goths, Police Cadets, Fashion Bloggers and Sisters are. "The first seven teams are aloft, while the remaining eleven teams are just trying to stay alive." Don said as the camera cut to Devin with his foot stuck in a geyser.

"Come on! Pull harder!" Carrie said as she tried to pull Devin out of the geyser, only for them both to get blasted into the air.

"This just in, the first seven teams have arrived at the ice caves in Skaftafell National Park, where their next challenge awaits." Don announced as the camera showed the leading seven teams arriving. Jacques pressed the button on the Don Box the second he was in reach.

"It’s an Either-Or. ‘Feast or Fossil." he read.

"Today’s Either-Or gives the player’s the option of either dining on a traditional Icelandic Feast or retrieving a Fossil embedded in the icy walls of this cave. Once their chosen task is complete, teams must bring their intact fossil or empty platter  to the Chill Zone. The last team to arrive may be out of the race." Don announced from the Chill Zone.

The Goths watched as most of the other teams teams picked Fossil, so they walked the other direction to do the Feast. The Reluctant Allies were in a dilemma.

-Interview: Owen and Alejandro-

"The feast is my thing, I can eat anything! But, we both have to do the challenge. And I don't know if Alejandro can eat even one piece." Owen explained.

"So, we decided that it would be best for us to go fossils." Alejandro finished.

—Interview: Crimson and Ennui—

"The other teams picked the Fossil thing, so we didn’t because… whatever."

"Icelandic Thanksgiving feasts consist of putrified shark, pickled herring, cured ram, broiled puffin, and singed sheep heads. Yikes, what are they giving thanks for?" Don asked. The Goths did not respond. "..okay then, thanks for the input.”

Cut to the Adversity Twins getting their travel tip and running to the second helicopter as it arrived.

"Uh, van- no, visamlegast gethou- no, it’s vinsamlegast gafe… then… ugh!" Rock struggled before turning to Spud. "C’mon, Spud! You heard it, help me!"

"Oh that was forever ago, man, who can remember?" Spud asked.

"Agh! Uh, vensamlegast gefðu mer mina travel ábending?" Rock said nervously. The swan lady smiled and handed him the tip. "YEEEEEEES! Wahoo!"

The swan lady looked on in confusion as Rock played air guitar before running off.

Cut to the Best Friends, Jocks and Reality TV Pros all getting their tips as Dwayne and Junior walked up.

"Vinsamlegast gefðu mér-" Junior began.

"-mina travel ásdenting!" Dwayne finished. The swan lady promptly slapped him.

"What did you say!?" Junior asked.

"I have no idea. None." Dwayne shrugged as Lightning came over.

"You sha-called her an asshole." Lightning informed before running back to Jo.

"How'd that bag of bricks know that?" Leshawna asked.

"He's been writing down notes since the start of race, maybe that's how." Tyler replied.

"This show just keeps gets weirder and weirder..." Leshawna mumbled.

Cut to the Stepbrothers getting their tip and almost high-fiving, before realizing what they were doing and stopping. Meanwhile, inside the ice cave, Kitty took a selfie with a frozen Sasquatchanakwa as Emma facepalmed. Who knows how he got there. The Fashion Bloggers were being as careful as possible while moving across the ice whilst the Ice Dancers skated by with ease.

"Aha! A fossil!" Sanders said as she found one. MacArthur swung her pickaxe at the fossil, causing it to shatter.

"Woah, you’d think something that would be around for a million years would know how to take a punch, am I right?" MacArthur asked. Sanders was not amused.

Cut to Kelly finally arriving at the swan lady, clearly out of breath.

"If we get sent home today, I’m never talking to you again. Unless I need money or something." Taylor said.

"Vinsamlegast gefðu mér mina travel ábending." Kelly managed to recite, causing the swan lady to hold out their tip.

"Wow, way to not ruin everything for a change." Taylor said. A very upset Kelly grabbed the tip. "Ohmigosh mom, don’t sulk! It was a compliment, hello?"

"The next nine teams are heading towards the ice cave." Don said as the camera showed the helicopter taking off.

Cut to Emma pushing a block of ice with a fossil out of the wall while Kitty was just messing around on her phone. "Okay, this’ll keep it intact until we reach the Chill Zone. Help me push!" Emma said. Kitty nodded and started helping her push.

Cut to Dwayne still floundering. "Minok- no, uh, nino neenee travel! Uh, amonie travel! Amoopy travel outstanding! No, meeny travel depantsing! Meepa travel depending! Amending? Gloopy travel amending!" he said. Junior and the swan lady were internally cringing at the sight. The lady shook her head, prompting Dwayne to yell and start slamming his head into the ground and she and Junior watched on in worry.

Cut to Stephanie getting the phrase right as the swan lady handed her the tip.. "YES! BOOM, that’s what I’m talking about! Fist bump!" she yelled as she pointed her fist in Ryan’s direction. Ryan nervously stuck out his fist as Stephanie punched it, causing it to sound like all the bones in his fist shattered.

Cut to the Adversity Twins, Best Friends, and Queen Bees grabbing their pickaxes. "Fifteen of the Eighteen teams are now working on the second challenge, but Father and Son have yet to complete challenge number one." Don’s voiceover said as the camera showed Dwayne and Junior once again reaching the swan lady.

"Uh-" Dwayne began before Junior covered his mouth.

"Vinsamlegast gefðu mér mina travel ábending." Junior recited, prompting the swan lady to finally hand him the tip.

—Interview: Junior and Dwayne—

"We were already so far behind, I couldn’t risk you- I mean, us messing it up again!"

"You were gonna say you! Meaning me! Boy, I’m insulted! I totally knew my part of the sentence."

"Okay, so say it then."

"…I don’t feel like it."

"Uh-huh."

Cut to Geoff opening one of the platters. "Agh, dude!" he said in disgust as most of the others were also disgusted. Tyler just shrugged and started eating. Leshawna sighed and started eating as well, at a much slower pace.

"Dude, he is one crazy guy! Would love to have him at another party." Geoff smiled as Tyler chuckled.

"No. Nuh-uh, we’re going fossiling because ew, barf." Taylor said to her mom.

"Don’t say barf." Kelly said. And then Taylor barfed. So Kelly did too and they ran to grab pickaxes at the same time Dwayne and Junior did.

"Slow down, dad! That cave’s super icy!" Junior yelled out.

"Ha! I used to curl, kiddo, so I know ice!" Dwayne said before slipping down a slope past Gerry and Tom as they were pushing their fossil out before hitting a rock, causing his pickaxe to slam right next to his head. Watching the whole thing in terror, Taylor dropped her pickaxe.

—Interview: Taylor and Kelly—

"If you had a face as hot as mine, would you wanna get hot with an ice pick? No. We’ll eat the feast." Kelly nodded.

Cut to most of the teams eating the feast in disgust, though the Goths and Tyler seemed fine. Geoff had to place pieces into Brody’s mouth due to his whole... being shocked situation. "We got this, dude." Geoff said.

—Interview: Geoff and Brody—

"Feels weird to feed Brody like he’s a little niblet, but it’s a team challenge, and the guy is a human trash can! He’ll eat anything!"  Geoff touched Brody and was zapped.

"Hey, eat something, man!" Rock said to Spud.

"Huh?” Spud asked as he lifted his headphones. "Oh, no thanks, I’m not hungry."

Spud put his headphones back on and closed his eyes, prompting Rock to force a piece of food into his mouth.

Everyone looked over and saw that all that remained on the Goths’ plate were the eyes of the sheep head. They all looked on in disgust as the duo tossed the eyes into their mouths and chewed. They did not react at all as they picked up their platter and left.

Cut to the Goths arriving at the Chill Zone. "Wow, first place! …you’re the winners! You won!" Don said as the Goths did not externally react. :…are you trying to ruin the show? Is that your plan? Get out of here! You’re bad kids!" Don complained, which is frankly quite ironic to say to the Goths.

—Interview: Crimson and Ennui—

"As soon as I saw the platter, I knew we would come in first." Crimson said.

"I’m so excited. First place. Wow. I could pee myself." Ennui deadpanned.

"You almost did."

"First place is taken, but last place is still up for grabs, and nobody wants it." Don’s voiceover announced as the camera showed Ryan and Stephanie struggling to eat part of the food before making out.

"Ew, for serious!? I am already on high barf alert over here!" Taylor said in disgust.

"Don’t say barf!" Kelly said before barfing again, as did Taylor.

"Don’t think, just chew.” Leshawna instructed as she and Tyler held the eyes from their platter.

"Eye-eye! Get it? Because it’s an-" Tyler said while chuckling, only for him to squish the eye. "Okay, I think I've reached my limit." Tyler said in disgust before chewing.

Cut to the Fashion Bloggers and Ice Dancers reaching the Chill Zone. "Second place! Third! Pros, you’re fourth!” Don said as Tyler and Leshawna arrived while struggling to not puke.

"Pretty good." Tyler managed to mutter.

Cut to MacArthur about to swing at a fossil with all her might. "Woah, maybe I’ll take this one?" Sanders said as she grabbed the pick.

Cut to Pete and Gerry, who were struggling to get their fossil up.

"Almost there...." Pete muttered.

"My hands are freezing, we're gonna die of hypothermia.." Gerry complained as the fossil escaped their grasp and started sliding down the slope.

"Oh come on!" Pete yelled.

Cut to the Sisters finally reaching the chill zone with their fossil. "The Sisters take fifth!" Don said as the Surfer Dudes, the Queen Bees and the Daters arrived. "Surfer Dudes in sixth, Queen Bees seventh. Daters in eighth......." Don finished as the Daters kept making out. Don sighed.

Kelly and Taylor ran up with a platter in hand, both struggling to not puke, with Alejandro and Owen behind them. "Mother and Daughter would be in ninth! But… you’ve earned a one hour penalty." Don announced.

"Wait, what!?" Taylor asked.

"After getting the Icelandic sentence wrong, you were both supposed to go back through the geyser field, but only Kelly did."

"Ugh! Way to go, mom!" Taylor said in anger. "I sat around so long waiting for you that my butt fell asleep! And now we’ve got a penalty! You ruin my life!" Taylor finished as Alejandro's eye twitched.

"...You can't be serious." Don said.

"What?" Taylor raised an eyebrow.

"That was completely and utterly your fault." Don furrowed his eyebrows.

"Excuse me?!?"

"Thank you!" Alejandro sighed in relief. "Why are they even here?" He asked Don.

"We thought it'd be funny, considering we already had the Father and Son, but I'm regretting our choices here. Those two are considerably better than them." Don sighed. "Anyways, the Reluctant Allies are in ninth!" Don said as the Stepbrothers arrived. "Tenth."

Cut to the Tennis Rivals' fossil sliding up to where Dwayne and Junior were mining. "Hey, how about that! And you were worried we were gonna come in last." Dwayne said.

"I thought we had to chip the fossil out of the ice wall? Something feels wrong about this." Junior replied.

"The only thing wrong would be us getting eliminated! Now come on!” Dwayne said as he and Junior began pushing the fossil out, just missing the Tennis Rivals nearby looking for their fossil.

"Where is it?!?" Gerry complained.

"This is a nightmare!" Pete added.

"Eleventh place Best Friends, Twelfth place Jocks!" Don announced as Carrie, Devin, Jo and Lighting reached the Chill Zone with fossils in hand just before Dwayne and Junior arrived pushing a fossil. "Father and Son, you’re the thirteenth team to arrive."

"Woohoo!" they cheered in unison.

"Wait! That’s our fossil!"  Pete yelled as he and Gerry ran up.

"I knew something was wrong." Junior said.

Dwayne sighed. "Fine, here ya go…." he said, only to be interrupted by Don.

"No sharesies! You two will have to try again." Don said to the Tennis Rivals.

"But-" Gerry began.

"Don’t care."

"But-"

"Don’t care."

"But-"

"Don’t care."

"We will have our revenge on you, I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT!"  Gerry yelled at Dwayne, who backed away nervously.

"We’re not gonna be able to find another fossil in time!" Pete said in a panic.

"Then we’ve gotta go eat all that food!" Gerry yelled as they ran off.

"This is all your fault! You’re the mom or whatever, you can’t just let me do anything you want because I’m beautiful." Taylor said to Kelly. "Come on, act like a parent! Take charge!"

"Okay, fine. From now on, what I say goes." Kelly said.

"You can’t tell me what to do." Taylor said as she walked off. Kelly was about to follow her, only for Alejandro to stop her.

"Teenagers, am I right? We do everything for them, yet they act so stubborn and improper." Alejandro frowned.

"Oh, she's just..."

"She is what I say, no? She only sees you as money bag and a worker." Alejandro raised an eyebrow.

"I... maybe you're right, young man." Kelly sighed.

"Maybe this show isn't the right place for you. Perhaps sometime, you can find the chance to talk it out." Alejandro said as he walked off as Kelly looked in thought.

-Interview: Alejandro-

"Taylor is unbearable. As a man who grew up with proper manners and loves his mamá, I can't stand watching her treat her mother like this. Kelly needs a break, but so do I from watching Taylor act like this." Alejandro said.

Cut to the Tennis Rivals. scarfing down the food as fast as they could while Spud watched. "Better hurry, Rock, they’re eating faster than us." he said.

"Me! They’re eating faster than me!" Rock replied in annoyance.

Cut to the Police Cadets reaching the Chill Zone. "You're fourteenth." Don announced.

"Ok, that was close!" MacArthur said.

Cut back to the Tennis Rivals and Rock trying to eat their feasts. Spud was still not doing anything.

—Interview: Rock and Spud—

'Eating that stuff was like the hardest thing ever! Other than like math or getting my driver’s license."

"You have a driver's license?" Spud asked.

"....Yeah? How do you think I pick you up everyday?"

"....Oh."

Cut to the Adversity Twins reaching the Chill Zone with their fossil. "Fifteenth. You live to see another day." Don told them.

—Interview: Jay and Mickey—

"I don’t think we’ll be around much longer."

"And we’ll probably be eliminated from the show soon, too."

"That’s… what I was talking about?"

"Oh. Oh…"

"This just got really heavy."

"For sure our penalty is up now?" Taylor asked.

"Nope. The last two teams are approaching!” Don said as Kelly and Taylor looked to see the Rockers and Tennis Rivals rapidly approaching. "...penalty over! Sixteenth!”

Kelly and Taylor let out sighs of relief. Just then, Rock hopped onto the Carpet of Completion as Spud bumped into him. "Rockers in seventeenth!" Don said as Spud let out a sigh of relief.

"Shoot." Pete sighed.

"Well Tennis Rivals, it is no shock to me that you are the last team to arrive. While I would love to say goodbye right now, I'm afraid that is not the time. Because this is a non-elimination round! You get to stay!" Don said.

"You mean we ate all that gross food... for nothing?" Gerry's eye twitched.

"I think we lost years off our life with that one, and we're already on the clock!" Pete added before Gerry yelled and started fighting Don, while the Mother and Daughter, Rockers and Pete looked on.

"Agh! Security! Next time on- ow- the  Ridonculous Race! Brazil! Help!" Don yelled as Gerry continued to fight him. The episode ended.

BONUS CLIP:

Emma's POV.

"Well, we are doing surprisingly well." I smiled as we went into our hotel.

"Totally! And we're having a lot of fun too! See?" Kitty smirked at me, and I can't help but chuckle.

"Yeah, you're right."

"Hey, Noah and Heather helped us a lot in this challenge, huh?" Kitty smirked.

"Yeah.. yeah I know. I'll think about allying with them. They're good players too. I guess I should figure, Heather won a reality show and Noah got third on it, as they told us."

"Noah's pretty cute huh?" Kitty said, clearly baiting me. Unfortunately, I feel for it.

"Yeah, I gues- wait what?" I blink.

"Gotcha! I knew it!" Kitty chuckled.

"Let's go eat." I just said as we go to the dining hall to eat.  It sure is fancy here. Don didn't cheap out on our hotels, that's for sure. Kit and I sat down on a table. After a while, we finished eating, as Heather and Noah walk up to us and join us.

"Hey, mind if we sit here?" Heather asked.

"Not at all!" Kitty smiled.

"So, you guys are doing pretty well for yourselves." Noah said.

"I can say the same for you guys! You're really good!" Kitty laughed.

"Well, we have the experience. Only reason we didnt call ourselves the Reality TV Pros is because we noticed Tyler and Leshawna had auditioned." Heather said.

"You guys know them too?" I asked, as Noah locked with my eyes.

"We know a good amount of people here, we all came from the same show, Total Drama. Alejandro, Owen, Leshawna, Tyler, Jo, Lightning and Geoff. All of us came from that hellhole." Noah replied to me. Interesting.

"So you guys have a good amount of allies already? Why would you be interested in us?" I find myself asking. What? Can't blame me for being suspicious.

"We're interested in you two, I can't put my finger on it. You remind me of me and my sibling. I'm the calculating one while she all wants is to have fun." Heather told me.

"Besides, you guys seem cool." Noah shrugged.

"Total Drama huh? I need to watch that when I have the chance." Kitty said.

"We can watch it all together, it'd be fun. Especially our third season. That's when Heather and I really became friends, and started talking in general." Noah said.

"We shittalked people together in Action, during the Aftermaths" Heather raised an eyebrow.

"Still." Noah shrugged, before remembering something. "Oh, right! Emma, is there a chance you know Alejandro? He keeps thinking he knows you from somewhere." Noah asked me.

"Oh, I.." I trail off as I gather my thoughts. Then it clicked. "Oh, he knows Courtney right?" I asked.

"Courtney? You know her?" Heather asked. "Well, figures. You're both into law." Heather said as I chuckled.

"Yeah, I met him through Courtney. Courtney sees Alejandro as one of his best friends so she wanted for me to learn about him." I explained.

"...that's it?" Noah asked.

"What?"

"He's been going on, trying to figure out if there's some deep lore between you.. and it's just because you both know Courtney?" Noah started snickering as Kitty laughed.

"Yep. That sounds like him." Heather sighed and smiled. "He's such a dork. He might seem all cool and collected, but he's a huge doofus."

"You're his girlfriend, right? I remember him mentioning it." Emma said.

"Yep. And this little guy next to me is still single." Heather smirked.

"Shut it." Noah rolled his eyes.

"Oh, you guys are such a good team! How about we ally?" Kitty asked as I try to remain calm. Kitty, not so fast! It's only been 4 challenges!

"Yeah, of course. We'll inform our friends about you guys so they can also keep you on the lookout." Noah nodded.

"It's getting late." Heather said. "We should go to bed and rest for the next day."

"You're right, let's go Kit. Goodnight to you both." I wave my goodbye, as they do so too.

"Goodnight." Noah replied back.

"You like him." Kitty said as we got into our room.

"Goodnight, Kit." I mumble as I get into my bed and sleep. And that's our day done.

Chapter Text

"Last time on the Ridonculous Race, our teams got geysered in Iceland. What fun! Then they had to either chip out l or choke down an Icelandic Thanksgiving Feast. The Goths came in first and went crazy. The Tennis Rivals were forced to do both challenges and ended up in last. Lucky for them, it wasn’t an elimination challenge, so they got to stay. And I found out it really should’ve been. And I got beat up by an old man." he walked onscreen with an ice pack over his black eye. " survived that, but one team won’t survive today. This is… the Ridonculous Race!"

-Theme Song-

As the music played, a shot of the earth was shown. A hand held up a travel tip in front of it before showing silhouettes of the 42 contestants running. It showed shots of the map before zooming to show various photos and means of transportation. It showed a taxi door open before every team’s icon flashed onscreen. The camera showed the logo as a plane flew by and flipped the N.

Open on Don at the Chill Zone. "Here in Iceland, yesterday’s Chill Zone is today’s starting line, and yesterday’s winners, the Goths, are the first to get a travel tip." he said as Ennui grabbed the tip.

"Huh. Brazil." he read.

Cue the usual photo montage. "Sunny, sunny Brazil. Home to bossa nova music, makers of fine coffee, and other things that keep me awake at night. Teams will travel here on these chartered planes. The first nine teams take a direct flight. The last other nine teams will arrive two hours later because they’re on the milk run. Literally." Don said as mooing came from nearby.

Cut to a bunch of the top ten teams grabbing their tips and hailing a cab before reaching the airport. "Our first group of teams has reached the airport and are running to catch the first flight." Don’s voiceover announced a before showing everyone boarding the plane.

Cut to the plane, where the Total Drama Veterans and the Sisters were watching Owen nervously bite on Beary.

-Interview: Alejandro and Owen-

"Owen’s a bit nervous about being on a military plane again." Alejandro explained.

"Can you blame me? I almost died!"

"...hey, where’s Beary?” Owen asked before belching up stuffing and covering the others.

"…I think you just ate him." Tyler said. Owen screamed.

"Oh no! Will you hold me?" Owen asked Alejandro.

"I’d rather-" Alejandro began before Owen squeezed him and the others into an unbearably tight hug. "-NOT!"

The Ice Dancers were watching this unfold and scowling.

-Interview: Jacques and Josee-

"We lost to the Goths and Fashion Bloggers in Iceland. Iceland! That’s unacceptable."

"Agreed. Last time I was this mad about where I placed, I got a new partner!" Josee said as she glared at Jacques.

"Well, guess we're going to the ol' cow express, despite grabbing this baby." Dwayne said to Junior as he held up the fossil they’d accidentally stolen from the Tennis Rivals during the last challenge. "Kept it as a present for your mom.”

"I still feel bad about taking the Tennis Rivals’ fossil. They had to do both challenges because of it." Junior said.

"Well, it was an accident! We didn’t know it was theirs, pal. Besides, happy wife, happy life." Dwayne replied before dropping the fossil, causing it to shatter on the runway.

"...Well, it’s the thought that counts. C’mon. Our plane is that one." Junior said as they changed directions and boarded the second plane.

Cut to the other teams boarding the second plane. "As the last teams board plane number two, our first team is preparing to leave." Don’s voiceover announced… only for one of the tires to roll over the shattered fossil and pop.

"Sorry folks, flat tire. Must have rolled over something sharp." the pilot said.

Cut to Dwayne and Junior on the plane.

"You know, suddenly I get the feeling I accidentally sabotaged 9 teams." Dwayne said to Junior, who looked out a window and saw the other plane. He facepalmed.

"In a stunning reversal, yesterday’s winners now look like losers, as plane number two is now in the air on its way to Brazil." Don said as the camera showed the second plane in the air and the teams aboard sharing their space with a bunch of farm animals.

"Yeah, I am not doing this." Taylor complained.

"You don't have a choice, now deal with it." Kelly glared as Taylor looked surprised.

"I'm quitting." Taylor said as she left.

"Not allowed darling, maybe if you read the contract you'd know." Kelly said as Taylor groaned.

Nearby, Mickey and Jay were looking at a cow. "Well, they’re not making us sneeze, so that’s something. I wonder if being near so many actual cows will affect our lactose intolerance." he said.

"I guess we’ll find out." Jay replied, as the Tennis Rivals laughed.

"That's not how it works buddy!" Gerry said.

"Didn't you guys eat all that food and still lose?" Jo grinned as Gerry glared at her.

"Jo, I think it would be better if we didn't paint ourselves as the sha-enemy!" Lightning whispered as he was taking care of a chicken.

"Whatever." Jo rolled her eyes as she raised an eyebrow. "Since when were you good with animals?"

"Sha-Lightning loves animals! I went once with creepy girl on a farm and we had a blast! Hey Dawn! Hope you're watching!" Lightning waved to the camera.

--Interview: Jo-

"Okay, is it just me, or is Lightning weirdly social?"

"Flight number two has begun its descent into Brazil." Don said as the camera showed the plane landing and everyone running over to the Don Box and grabbing their tips.

"It’s a Botch or Watch." MacArthur said.

"In this Botch or Watch, whoever didn’t swim with sharks back in the Mediterranean must try to perform a traditional Brazilian rite of passage and stick their hand inside this mitt full of bullet ants to receive their next Travel Tip." Don said as he placed a drumstick into the mitt, causing it to be eaten near instantly. "This is insane!"

"Bullet ants?" Carrie asked as she and Devin walked over to the others.

"Little known fact homie, the pain caused by their venom can last up to 24 hours." Devin said.

"Oh great."

Everyone watched and gasped as the ants threw the bone out of the mitt, which of course hit Mickey.

-Interview: Mickey and Jay-

"I’ve been bitten by venomous creatures so frequently, I’ve developed an immunity! Last year on a school field trip to Seaville, a box jellyfish sat on my head like a hat!” they tried to high five, but missed. "We don’t high five much, it’s pretty new to us."

"So uh, who's going first?" Dwayne asked and no one responded, obviously.

Spud shrugged and went in, grabbing the tip and his hand being literally swollen, but he had no reaction. Everyone was shocked at this, obviously.

"What the?" Jo said, dumbfounded.

-Interview: Rock and Spud-

"Spud’s got a delayed reaction to everything, including pain, so I don’t expect him to feel those hundreds of excruciating bites for like two hours!" Rock explained. "Then he’ll be all like, yow! And then like, ooh! And then like, eeeiyow!"

"Uh, what’re you talking about?"

Rock grabbed the tip out of Spud's hand. "Feeling devine? Swing your butts to the coconuts." he read.

Cut to Don screaming as he swung over a chasm with a vine. "Teams must cross this gorge by any means necessary and then search for their next tip hidden among these piles of coconuts." he said as he pointed to coconut piles.

"Let's go!" Rock yelled as he grabbed Spud and started running.

"I'm not so sure about this kiddo..." Dwayne said as Junior quickly grabbed the tip and he winced.

"Yep, that bites." Junior said as he looked at his hand.

"Called it!" Lorenzo said as he stuck his hand in the mitt, screaming as he pulled his very swollen hand out.

"It’s my turn to botch!" Chet said as he stuck his hand in and screamed as he pulled it out.

"No it isn’t! You did the shark thing!" Lorenzo said before sticking his swollen hand back in, screaming some more, and pulling out the tip before the duo ran off.

"Mickey walked over to the mitt, only for MacArthur to ram into him and knock him away. "Hey, bullet ants! Welcome to the gun show!" she said before sticking her hand into the mitt and screaming.

"They’re on my person! They are on my person!" she yelled as she and Sanders ran off.

Mickey tried again to walk over, but Taylor ran up and glared at him, greatly scaring him.

"Hey, he was here first. It’s his turn." Carrie said.

"Ugh, fine, but I’m next.”"Taylor said as she walked off.

"Wow! Uh, thanks!" Mickey said.

"You’re welcome!" Carrie replied.

-Interview: Mickey and Jay-

"Cute girls don’t usually talk to us. Unless it’s stuff like ‘Are you okay?’ or ‘How many fingers do you see?’"

"'What’s your emergency contact? I can't understand you when you’re sobbing.'"

"Y’know, stuff like that."

Mickey grabbed two tips from the mitt and gave one to Carrie. "Here!" he said.

"Thank you guys!" Carrie smiled as she fistbumped Mickey.

Taylor took in a deep breath before blowing air towards the mitt, causing a tip to fly out.

-Interview: Taylor and Kelly-

"Doctors say my lung capacity is like so huge they can’t even measure it with their lung rulers or whatever."

"When she was five, she held her breath for seven minutes until we bought her the very expensive Malibu Bonnie dollhouse she wanted." Kelly frowned.

"It was totally wretched, I played with it once and threw it out."

"Yeah, great use of our money." Kelly glared.

Gerry quickly grabbed the tip, thankfully not getting bit. The Rivals laughed and ran.

-Interview: Pete and Gerry-

"I may have old bones, but my snake hands are still intact!" Gerry said.

"Yeah, Don's face took a lot of hits from them, so he would know!" Pete said as the laughed.

"Not true!" Don yelled in the backround.

Cut to Rock and Spud reaching the cliffside. "Hey Spud, how’s your hand doing?" Rock asked.

"Fine, why?" he asked as he held up his non-swollen hand before noticing the other. "Woah, what happened?" Spud then accidentally pushed a nearby tree over, causing it to fall and forming a bridge across the gap.

"Right on! Good thinking, come on!" Rock said.

"I swear my hands were the same size this morning…." Spud thought as they passed the chasm, only for the Police Cadets to swing into them and knock them away.

"Yup! First place! That’s how the girls in blue roll!" MacArthur yelled, only for Lorenzo to slam into her and launch her away. Sanders laughed, only for Chet to slam into her and laugh. 

-Interview: MacArthur and Sanders-

"Yeah we could have taken that bridge those Rockers made, but swinging was way cooler!" MacArthur said as Sanders hummed.

Cut to everyone running off the other plane as it finally landed.

Josee receieved the tip from the Don Box. "It's a Botch Or Watch. Jacques, you're up."

"Get the tip!" Josse yelled as Jacques stuck his hand in. He screamed in pain before pulling out the tip.

"It stings like missing gold in Vancouver by half a point!" he yelled before they ran to the cliffside.

-Interview: Jacques and Josee-

"Arriving late in Brazil means we had to up our performance!" Jacques explained.

"Like the way I did during the Olympic trials."

"Yes! Like the way we did that!"

Cut to MacArthur trying to karate chop a coconut. "Come on! Where are all the tips!?" she complained.

"Or you could use this." Sanders said as she held out a mallet.

"I can do this." she said as she started punching it. Sanders leaned over to hit it, but MacArthur pushed her away. "I said I got it!"

-Interview: Sanders and MacArthur-

"MacArthur can be, um, a bit of a control freak."

"What can I say? I’m a lone wolf."

"Who has a partner?" MacArthur started howling.

Cut to MacArthur howling, much to Sanders’ lack of amusement. "Okay, will you just give me that!?" Sanders asked as she hit it with the hammer, causing it to shatter and revealing the tip.

"Nice. I wore it down for you. You’re welcome." Sanders glared at MacArthur. "Ah, it’s an All-In. And I said you’re welcome.”

"Ugh."

Cut to Don wearing a feathery outfit. "In this All-In challenge, one team member has to make a headpiece, and the other a tail, worthy of walking the parade during Carnival. When this local approves of their handiwork, they’ll get their next tip." he explained.

"Piece of cake." MacArthur said.

-Interview: MacArthur and Sanders-

"I know how to make costumes. I went trick-or-treating as a beat cop for ten years straight."

"Seriously? Every year?"

"Well, one time I mixed it up and went as a parole officer, so yeah."

"The lady cops take the lead, and back at the bullet ants, teams from plane one are still botching or watching." Don announced as the camera showed Geoff screaming with both of his hands swollen while Brody grabbed the tip from him. Noah and Alejandro facepalmed.

-Interview: Geoff and Brody-

"I pump iron, so once righty started swelling, I just had to switch to the left. Symmetry is what bodybuilding’s all about."

"Dude, your mitts are ripped!"

-Interview Heather and Noah-

"How did Geoff make it that far in Island?" Noah asked.

"I have absolutely no idea." Heather admitted.

"Heather, are you sure about this?" Noah asked as Heather smirked and grabbed the tip while wearing a glove, she grabbed a tip for the Reluctant Allies and the Sisters.

"Here." Heather smiled as she gave a tip to Alejandro and to Emma.

"Oh, thanks." Emma smiled back.

"Oh we are so gonna be besties!" Kitty cheered as she and Heather took a selfie, cheerful. Alejandro simply hummed and kissed Heather's hand, which made her blush and scoff.

"Why didn't you grab a tip for us?" Tyler asked as he saw Leshawna had a tip already, with her swollen hand. She seemed indifferent. "Oh."

-Interview: Heather and Noah-

"Look at you, being a good person." Noah smirked.

"Kitty's cheerfulness is infectious, okay?" Heather rolled her eyes. "She's fun."

"Why did you have gloves anyways?" Noah asked.

"I have multiple set of clothes, including ones for cold weather. After World Tour, I'm not taking any chances." Heather explained.

"But the contract sa-"

"I don't trust those." Heather waved her hand away.

Meanwhile, Lorenzo was trying to smash a coconut with a rock, but he only sent it flying into a tree and then back into his face. "Ha! Watch and learn!" Chet said before dropping a coconut on a rock, causing it to bounce back into his face, causing Lorenzo to laugh at him, causing Chet to throw a coconut at him.

Meanwhile, Mickey and Jay passed the tree bridge, only for the Ice Dancers to bump into them immediately, who had chosen to swing with the vines. "I can smell it! I can smell the gold!" Josee said as they ran past the Twins.
Jay looked at where Mickey landed and noticed his helmet had broken a coconut and revealed a tip. "Hey! You found a tip!" Jay said.

-Interview: Jay and Mickey-

"Maybe our luck is finally starting to change! I mean, we found that tip without even trying!" Jay said.

"Hooray…." he fell over.

"Wahoo!" Geoff yelled as he swung across the chasm.

"Yeah! Wahoo!" Brody said as he swung across, only to land on his crotch. Alejandro and Owen passed by them. Alejandro let out a small chuckle while Owen winced.

"Dude, you okay?" Owen asked.

"Totally… just have to walk it off…."

Cut to Taylor lounging around while filing her nails. Meanwhile, Kelly was breaking as many coconuts as she could. "Taylor, seriously, can you at least try to help!?” she asked.

"Ew, no. I don’t wanna get my hands all dirty." Taylor replied.

"Taylor, you’re getting on my last nerve over here!" Kelly said angrily before breaking another coconut, revealing a tip. "Yes! Finally!"

"Mom, arms down! You have pit stains!”

"Seriously?!?! Instead of helping me around, you're complaining?" Kelly yelled.

"Ohmigosh, chill." Taylor said. Alejandro just walked in and saw this interaction, resulting in a devious smirk.

Cut to Ennui pulling the tip out of the mitt. "Ow.” he said. "Don’t be so dramatic." Crimson said as they walked off.

The Daters made it to the bridge, only for the tree to snap, sending Ryan and Stephanie plummeting into the waters below.

Noah, Heather, Emma, Kitty, Tyler and Leshawna all swung across the gap as they started running to the coconuts.

Jacque and Josee were hitting the coconuts with hammers while smiling at the camera. Ennui swung across the gap emotionless while holding an equally emotionless Crimson under his arm. Geoff and Brody found a tip and cheered, as did Tom and Jen.

Cut to the Surfer Dudes and Fashion Bloggers arriving at the sewing area, with several other teams already hard at work. "This’ll be a piece of cake."Tom said.

Meanwhile, the tip giver disapproved the Police Cadets’ outfit because the headpiece was made to look like a police cap. "No? No!? NO!? This is what I think of your ruling!" MacArthur yelled as she began stomping on the headpiece before Sanders dragged her away. "We're not done yet!"

"Do you think we should form an alliance with the twins?" Carrie asked.

"Maybe, they seem nice."

"Yeah, we're gentlemen!" Jay said.

"Okay sure, deal! Alliance in motion!" Devin smiled as he shook Jay's hand. "Uh, you can take your hands off your face now."

“I, uh, kinda glued it there. Heh.” Mickey said as Jay began trying to pull his brother’s hand off of his face. Just then, Kelly's groans were heard.

"Are you seriously not going to do anything?" Kelly glared.

"Whatever." Taylor said as Kelly got angrier.

Cut to Ryan finally climbing up from the gorge with Stephanie on his head. "I said, ‘Let’s use a vine, that tree’s about to crack!’ but did you listen!? No! Oh, the coconuts! Yay!" Stephanie said as they ran over to the coconuts.

Meanwhile, Owen had just finished walking one whole, "It’s okay, I got it down!" He said.

"Great, let’s wait eight hours and see if there was a tip in that one." Alejandro said before poking Owen in the stomach with a stick.

"Ow! You hit me right in the coconut!" Owen smiled and Alejandro couldn't help but let out a light chuckle at his antics. Owen's face brightened up.

"Told you'd they'd start getting along." Noah smirked as Heather smiled at the other two.

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. You're always right, blah blah blah." Heather rolled her eyes as she found a tip.

"While several teams are still searching through the coconuts, the Surfer Dudes have samba danced their way into first place!" Don’s voiceover said as Brody got the tip from the local and cheered before high-fiving Geoff, making him wince in pain.

"Ha! Make your way to the Chill Zone!" Brody read before cheering as they ran.

"Copacabana Beach is today’s Chill Zone. Teams must use one of the tandem hang gliders perched on the edge of that cliff to soar down like eagles…" Don said as the camera showed Geoff and Brody falling off the cliff into the water below because they weren’t holding onto the glider tight enough. "...or plummet like turkeys because they weren’t holding on tight enough.”

Cut to MacArthur wearing an outfit that consisted of three feathers on top of her hat and pants made entirely of blue feathers. The local disapproved. "It’s called being creative!" she yelled.

Ennui found one after slamming two coconuts against his head while Crimson yawned, and Ryan stomped one and got a ticket that way. Lorenzo broke a coconut over Chet’s head and found a tip. "Hey! You are good for something after all!” he said before running off.

"Hey! No I’m not!" Chet yelled back.

'Let’s try that area over there!" Josee said as she tossed away a coconut, which ended up hitting Owen and causing another tip to fall out.

"Yes! Come on!" Alejandro said before he and Owen ran off.

"Back! Go back!" Josee yelled as Jacques tossed another coconut away, which hit Dwayne and revealed another tip.

"Well, whaddya know!" Dwayne said before he and Junior ran off. "Hurry!"

"No! That's ours! Give it to me!" Josee said as she tackled Dwayne to the ground.

"No! Son, save yourself!" Dwayne said as he handed Junior the tip and began running. Jacques chased after him, and Josee tried to throw a coconut at Junior... only for it to hit Jacques in the head and break. But hey, it revealed a tip.

"Finally!" Josee cheered as Dwayne ran past them and Jacques groaned in the ground. Jo saw all of this and laughed, while Lightning broke a coconut that revealed a tip.

-Interview: Jacques and Josee-

"Tell me again what happened?"

"I told you, a monkey jumped down from a tree, picked up a coconut, and threw it at you." Jacques squinted at Josee before looking toward the camera in obvious doubt.

Cut to the local approving Kelly and Taylor’s (no, actually, just Kelly’s) outfit. "Good, you didn’t mess it up." Taylor said as they walked off, enraging Kelly. Alejandro smirked, knowing that his plan had already worked.

Chet and Lorenzo walked up after them, glued together. But hey, they had the necessary parts, so they got their tip. And then began fighting over it.

Jacques and Josee slid over next in full red and purple outfits. Not just full head and tail pieces, but full body costumes. Needless to say, they got their tip.

"What the hell? Didn’t they just get here?" Noah asked.

-Interview: Josee and Jacques-

She chuckled. "We’ve designed and created our own costumes since we were four. We can do this kind of stuff in our sleep."

"Give us beads, sparkles, and a theme, and we’ll skate your dream."

Cut to the local approving Crimson and Ennui’s all black outfit that made Crimson look like a crow.

-Interview: Crimson and Ennui-

"Bright colors are for people who are trying to make up for the fact that they lead sad, monotonous lives."

"Yeah."

Cut to Kelly and Taylor gliding down. "First place, here we come!" Kelly cheered.

-Interview: Kelly and Taylor-

"I had to take full charge of the team. Apparently, Taylor had the "genius" idea of not doing anything, since she can't quit.

"You’d do the same if you were me."

"No, no I wouldn’t."

"As the race for first place heats up, the race to not come in last is just getting started." Don said as the camera showed the Sisters, Reluctant Allies, Best Friends, Adversity Twins, Fashion Bloggers, and Father and Son getting their tips.

Cut to Kelly and Taylor reaching the Chill Zone. "Yes! First place!" Kelly cheered.

"We totally deserved it." Taylor said unwarrantedly smugly.

"No, you deserve a thirty minute penalty, which you’re getting." Don said.

"What!? Why!?"

"Each one of you were supposed to make a component of the costume, but Kelly made both of yours."

"Ugh, seriously!? Mom, why didn’t you make me do something!?"

"I was trying to make you do something all day! But no, you just sat around doing nothing!"

"Omg mom, chill out.

"Stop telling me to chill out!" Kelly said, clearly at her limit.

"Parents, please don't spoil your kids." Don said to the camera.

Just then, the Ice Dancers landed on the Chill Zone. "Ice Dancers, you’re in first place!" Don announced. Jacques and Josee got bouquets of flowers that came from who knows where.

"Yes! In your face, losers!" Josee said to Kelly and Taylor.

Cut to Lorenzo and Chet approaching the cliffside with their hang glider. "The fact is, I’m doing pretty well considering I’m glued to you!" Lorenzo said.

"Uh, that’s the only reasons you’re doing well! Fact!"
Chet replied.

"Fact wrong!'

"Fact right! Stamped it, locked it, no erasies!" Chet said as Lorenzo groaned because apparently that means he lost the argument? They fell off the cliff because they were glued together.

"Nice job! I’m being sarcastic!" Lorenzo yelled as they fell.

Cut to Don screaming as the Goths and... the Tennis Rivals arrived back to back. "Great flying birds of cotton candy death overload, the Goths are second... and.. hold up let me check this right." Don said as he grabbed a pair of glasses.

"The Tennis Rivals in THIRD?! Really?! Where were you guys? I didn't even see you anywhere?" Don said dumbfounded as Pete and Gerry looked at eachother and shrugged. More teams arrived.

"Surfer Dudes in fourth, Stepbrothers take fifth, Father and Son in sixth." Don said as the six teams continued to watch Kelly and Taylor argue.

"Okay, mom, it’s really not a good look on you that you’re so jealous that I win everything. It’s not my fault I have like a bajillion trophies." Taylor said.

"That’s it, I’m admitting it! You’ve never won anything in your entire life!" Kelly replied.

"Uh, what?"

"You only have so many trophies because your dad bought a trophy store! That’s why they all come in the mail and they’re for things you’ve never even done!"

"Wait, what!?"

"…they are worse parents than I thought." Don said.

"Oh, yeah." Dwayne said, happy to know he was the better parent in the race by multiple miles.

"With time counting down and pressure mounting, more and more teams are finishing up their challenges." Don’s voiceover said as the Daters, Police Cadets, Sisters, and Reality TV Pros got their tips.

Cut to the Best Friends and Adversity Twins at the cliffside. "We’ve got each others’ backs, right?" Carrie asked.

"You betcha!" Jay said as they cheered before leaping. ...and then Mickey sneezed, which blew them off course and caused their hang glider to puncture theirs and sending them crashing onto the Chill Zone in pain.

"...okay sorry guys, alliance terminated." Devin said.

"Have to agree on him." Carrie added.

"Totally fair." Mickey said.

"The Best Friends and the Twins tie for seventh." Don said, as the Sisters and the Queen Bees glided down together, clearly being a more competent alliance.

"Go ahead." Noah smirked as Emma smiled at him, making Noah jump a little. Heather noticed this and raised her eyebrow in surprise.

"Sisters in ninth, and the Queen Bees are tenth!" Don said as the Fashion Bloggers arrived.

"Eleventh." Don said as the Fashion Bloggers smiled. Kitty looked at Jen with interest.

"Oh? Is my little sis crushing?" Emma teased as Kitty punched her shoulder playfully.

"No!" Kitty said before sighing. "Maybe... she's really attractive and she seems nice."

"Isn't that sweet." Heather smiled.

"You heard that?" Kitty put her hands to her face.

"It's fine. Your secret is safe with me." Heather said as she went back to Noah.

"You know what? I trust her." Emma smiled. Kitty was glad that she was warming up to those two.

"Out of the way!" Alejandro yelled as he and Owen crashed right in front of the finish line as the next two teams ran past them.

"Daters take twelfth and Reality TV Pros in thirteenth." Don announced as Alejandro and Owen pulled themselves out of the ground.

"Incoming!" MacArthur yelled as she and Sanders landed, pushing the Allies onto the Carpet of Completion before them.

“Reluctant Allies in fourteenth and Police Cadets in fifteenth.” Don announced. Alejandro looked at the fighting Kelly and Taylor, and smiled, as Jo and Lightning crashed onto the Carpet of Completion.

"Jocks in sixteenth!"

"Hey, Alejandro?" Don said.

"Hm?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Thank you." Don sighed as he nudged towards Mother and Daughter. Alejandro simply nodded.

"Rock and roll!" Rock cheered as he and Spud landed a little ways away from the Chill Zone. Suddenly, Spud groaned in pain and looked at his hand and began screaming. "Yeah, I think he feels the bug bites now." Spud began running in pain while Rock hopped onto his back. "Mother and Daughter, your penalty is up!" Don declared, but it was too late, as Spud ran past them onto the Carpet of Completion with Rock in tow before they could move. They didn’t even hear him anyway.

"Rockers in seventeenth, second last place! Attention, Mother and Daughter!" Don yelled.

"What!?" Kelly and Taylor said in unison as they turned to see all the teams had arrived.

"Yeah. From first place to last. You’ve been cut from the race." Don said.

"Fine! Taylor didn’t deserve to win this anyway." Kelly said as she stormed off. Taylor scoffed and stormed after her while everyone looked on, feeling incredibly awkward.

"Uh… four teams have been cut. Next time, things will really get ugly. Stay tuned for more of… the Ridonculous Race!"

A montage played of the Mother and Daughter’s short time on the show.

"That ended terribly." Taylor said bitterly.

"And it wouldn’t have if you actually tried!" Kelly said.

"Well, now I don’t feel the need to try anything because apparently all my awards for winning stuff was fake. You clearly didn’t parent me right."

"Yeah, you know what? We didn’t. …we really didn’t… me and your dad are gonna have a long talk about this when we get home." Kelly said as the episode ended.

Chapter Text

"Last time on the Ridonculous Race, some teams had more fun than udders. The ants came marching one by one, and an alliance between the Best Friends and the Adversity Twins ended before it started. The pressures of the race started to get to the Daters, and the Ice Dancers came in first. Mother and Daughter finished first, but thanks to a penalty they ended up getting pushed all the way to last place, and we said goodbye as they… showed they really don’t have a healthy dynamic. Anyway, 17 teams remain. Find out who’s rounding out our bottom five on… the Ridonculous Race!"

-Theme Song-

As the music played, a shot of the earth was shown. A hand held up a travel tip in front of it before showing silhouettes of the 42 contestants running. It showed shots of the map before zooming to show various photos and means of transportation. It showed a taxi door open before every team’s icon flashed onscreen. The camera showed the logo as a plane flew by and flipped the N.

"Last episode’s Chill Zone was here on Copacabana Beach, which is the starting point for today’s race. Leaving first will be the Ice Dancers." Don announced as they hopped into frame.

-Interview: Jacques and Josee-

"We’ve won gold for the second time! Today, we’ll use our lead to widen the gap even more!"

"Oh, we’ll move so fast that we’ll lose our camera crew!" Jacques chuckled.

"Then, we’ll slow down until they catch up, because our fans deserve to see us perform!"

Jacques hit the button and grabbed the tip. "Make your way to Dracula’s Castle on Transylvania?!" Jacques read in shock.

The photo montage of Transylvania began as Don began talking with plastic vampire teeth in. "Tranzilzania! Tranzilzania!" he spit the teeth out. "Transylvania! Home of majestic mountains, old Saxon architecture, and the birthplace of the heebie jeebies. Teams must travel here to this castle to receive their next tip." he announced.

Cut back to the beach. "This shuttle bus will take you to the airport." He told the Ice Dancers.

"First place! First place! First place!" They cheered as they boarded.

Cut to the Ice Dancers scowling as every other team also boarded at the same time because they were all taking the same bus.

"What is this strange feeling…?" Crimson asked Ennui.

"I fear it may be… happiness." he said with about as much fear as you could discern from his monotone voice.

"Gwen has some competition." Noah mumbled as Heather chuckled.

-Interview: Ennui and Crimson-

"Transylvania. I can’t believe it." Ennui said.

"Awesome."

-Interview: Jacques and Josee-

They were outside the bus now. "We are disappointed. It seems all the other teams are taking the same bus!" Josee began throwing things in a rage. "Oh, Josee will be okay. She’ll rage herself to sleep."

Cut to Josee snoring on the bus. "Stupid show… gold medal…." She mumbled.

Meanwhile, Tom looked ecstatic. "Can I show them? Let me show them!" He asked Jen.

"Yes yes, show them!" Jen said excitedly.

—Interview: Tom and Jen—
He put on a fez, “I bought them off a local here, who, as it turns out, is a distributor!”

“So Tom ordered four thousand of them to be shipped home.”

“I am gonna make fezes happen!”

"Put yours on!" Tom told Jen.

"Uh… maybe later." She replied apprehensively.

Cut to the bus arriving at the airport as 34 people ran inside the building all at once to book a flight to Transylvania. Thankfully, they all formed a line. Unfortunately for everyone, the Daters were at the back of that line.

"There are only two flights to Transylvania and we are not getting stuck on flight number two! No way!" Stephanie yelled.

"But we…." Ryan tried to begin.

"Pick me up and throw me to the front!"

"Ah, Steph, I can’t do-"

"Pick me up!" she yelled. Ryan gulped nervously.

"Take cover!" MacArthur yelled as she got her ticket while Stephanie flew directly into the man at the desk.

-Interview: Stephanie and Ryan-

"Ryan had voiced some concerns about how competitive I’ve been getting. But we've reached an understanding."

Ryan looked incredibly nervous as he cleared his throat. "I need to try harder so that Stephanie doesn’t feel the need to the constant and lone motivator." Stephanie kissed him. "Ha! We are so going to win this!"

"The first nine teams are on flight number one." Don announced as the camera showed the Daters, Father and Son, Goths, Sisters, Police Cadets, Jocks, Ice Dancers, Surfer Dudes and Queen Bees boarding the plane.

Cut to Sanders and MacArthur. "We did really well on the first couple of days, but at the last two Chill Zones, we came in fourteenth and fifteenth." Sanders said to the camera.

"But, we got ourselves on the first flight today, so we’d back in kicking butt mode! Woo! Ha!" MacArthur cheered.

"I can agree to that." Jo said as she glared at Lightning. "We came sixteenth last time. Sixteenth! You have to focus more."

"Whatever you sha-say, teammate!" Lightning said enthusiastically as he was reading a book.... upside down. Jo facepalmed.

"The remaining eight teams in flight number two leave 45 minutes later, a hurdle that may be difficult to overcome." Don announced as the camera showed the Reality TV Pros, Best Friends, Tennis Rivals, Fashion Bloggers, Adversity Twinns, Reluctant Allies, Stepbrothers, and Rockers waiting around in the airport, some keeping themselves occupied or making small talk.

"C’mon, Rock. I know you wanted to be on that first flight. Hey, what can I do to cheer you up?" Spud asked his teammate.

"You could help us win this round! We can do it, we just gotta dig deep!" Rock replied.

"Yeah, let’s do it!"

"Yeah!"

"Yeah!"

"Are… are you just telling me what I wanna hear?"

"Yeah, and man did you look happy."

"Plane number two has finally departed from Brazil as plane number one touches down in Romania." Don announced as the camera showed flight one landing and the teams getting off. They were immediately greeted by a thunderstorm and a winding path that led to the castle that frightened a good amount of them. The Goths, on the other hand, were internally cheering in pure excitement.

—Interview: Crimson and Ennui—

"Wow. Okay, Dracula was the first goth ever. He was our king. To be here is just… I can’t… I'm so.."

"Hey, that was close. You almost got color on your face." Ennui said as a wolf howled nearby.

-Interview: Brody and Geoff-

"There’s no taxis around, but we look up the road and there’s the castle."

"Ah, so creepy. I got goosebumps!"

"Ah, dude, I nearly took a goose dump!" The two then laughed at Brody’s incredibly immature joke before fist bumping.

Cut to the teams running up the path, with the Goths for once in the lead. "Move it!" MacArthur yelled as she passed the Ice Dancers.

"Oh, sorry, I didn’t see you there!" Josee said as she slapped Sanders, sending her tumbling back down the hill and colliding with Dwayne and Junior.

"Officer down! Shots fired!" MacArthur yelled before tackling the Ice Dancers.

Cut to the interior of the second plane. "So, you guys do a fashion blog? That is so cool! Which one of you guys started?" Carrie asked Tom and Jen.

"I did." Tom and Jen in unison, surprising each other.

"No, I did." Tom said.

"I did!" Jen declared.

"I did! No, I did!" they said in unison.

Carrie nervously ducked back behind her seat as the Fashion Bloggers continued to argue.

-Interview: Jen and Tom-

"Okay, you typed it up, but it was my idea, so I was the creator, and you were more like… a secretary."

"I’m sorry, what!?"

Cut to the Daters reaching the Don Box. "Yeah, baby! First ones here!" Stephanie cheered.

“Wait, how is that possible? The Goths were ahead of us!" Ryan pointed out. The camera then panned to the inside of a nearby tower where the Goths were admiring a painting of Vlad the Impaler.

"Doesn’t Vlad look striking?" Ennui asked.

"I see the similarities." Crimson replied.

"Stop, you’ll make me blush."

Cut back to Stephanie reading the tip. "It's an All-In! Aww, I love it when we get to do things together!" she said as she hugged Ryan.

"In this All-In challenge, teams must enter Dracula’s Castle and find an empty coffin." Don said as the camera cut to show him rising from a coffin. "Whoever took the tip from the Don Box must then drag the coffin to the graveyard with their teammate inside and then rip it into an open grave. Creepy."

Cut to Brody, Emma, Noah, Lightning, and Junior holding their tips. "Complete your task to get your next tip from the local gravedigger." Brody read.

"The teammate in the coffin may not get out or help at all. Oh boy…." Dwayne said nervously.

Meanwhile, MacArthur and Josee were holding each other in a headlock on the ground on top of Jacques while Sanders watched judgingly. "You are making us fall behind!" Josre yelled.

"Then let go!" MacArthur yelled back.

"You first!"

'Never gonna happen!"

"As the Police Cadets and Ice Dancers play in the mud, plane number two arrives carrying the last eight teams." Don said as the camera showed them all running out of the airport before Jay and Mickey came to halt.

"Oh boy…." Jay said in fear.

-Interview: Jay and Mickey-

"We know vampire aren’t real, we aren’t silly kids. But… werewolves are a different story."

"And if they can smell fear, then I’m in trouble because I am doused in Ode de Terrified!"

"Last one to the top eats snot!" Lorenzo said before shoving Chet.

"No, wait, stay with the group!" Jay yelled out to the Stepbrothers as everyone else ran close together. Well, almost everyone else.

“Okay, let’s just get to the castle.” Jen said sternly. They were not moving.

"That’s what the tip said! Or did you wanna take credit for that idea, too?" Tom asked.

Cut to the Surfer Dudes, Queen Bees, and Sisters walking through the castle together. "…and then he screamed, ‘Dude, that moose doesn’t need mouth to mouth, it’s just a head on the wall!" Brody said as they came across a moose head on the wall as everyone laughed. Even Emma smiled a bit. Emma then remembered they're in a race and..

"Okay, time out! Sorry, but we're losing time. Let’s split up. Kitty and I will continue down this hall, and your four can… go away." Emma said.

"Rad idea! If we find the coffins, we’ll call you with our secret signal!" Brody said before he and Geoff jumped up and down and made genuinely indescribable noises. Kitty took a selfie with the jumping jocks. Emma sighed but smiled.

"I don't know if you meant it, but splitting up is probably the best idea. See you later." Noah waved as he and Heather started running. Emma waved back.

Cut to MacArthur grabbing the tip. "Hustle!" she yelled as she and Sanders followed the Ice Dancers. However, they were so far behind that the Stepbrothers had also just reached the Don Box. Lorenzo pressed the button.

"Ha! I made it first! Let me get you some snot to eat!" Lorenzo said.

"No way!" Chet said back before grabbing the tip.

"Whoever took the tip must- WHAT!?"

"Ha!"

"Oh this is not good." Gerry said as he read the tip. Pete sighed.

-Interview: Gerry and Pete-

"Last time we got third. We genuinely don't know how. But this challenge might be the end of us. I don't know if Gerry can handle this." Gerry shook his head and frowned.

Cut to Junior shutting the coffin door on his dad. "Now don’t get out or do anything that will get us penalized!" Junior said before trying to push it over, only for it to fall on top of him.

-Interview: Dwayne and Junior-

"I’m loving all the Father and Son time. Dwayne Junior is the best! I mean, he’s almost too obedient! I wanna teach him that part of growing up is thinking for yourself, deciding what rules can be ignored."

"So I can ignore my curfew?"

"Well, no, you can’t-"

"Drive your car?"

"You better not touch my-"

"Quit school?"

"No! Nonono-"

"Get a tattoo?"

"You’re grounded!"

"Will any of these teams get out of Dracula’s Castle unharmed?" Don asked as the camera showed the Police Cadets being chased by bats and the Sisters falling through a trapdoor. "Probably not."

Cut to Stephanie and Junior dragging their respective partners into the graveyard. Comedically, Ryan’s legs were sticking out of the coffin.

-Interview: Ryan and Stephanie-

"My girl is bionic!"

"I’m just trying to keep up with my superhero here! He’s so mighty!"

"I’m not sure if you can see it at home, but I’m 75% upper body!"

They..... began kissing again.

As Junior struggled to pull his dad along, Josee was constantly flipping over her team’s coffin as Jacques screamed in pain each time. Tyler simply carried the coffin with his fingers, having no problem. Lightning had no problem either.

-Interview: Jacques and Josee-

"I know it’s a race, but with the way Josee was moving that coffin, I was going to end up covered in bruises!'

"You mean like if someone held you above their head and dropped you on the ice face first in a stadium full of people on the most important day of your life? That kind of covered in bruises?"

Jacques eyes looked to the camera as if he was screaming for help.

Cut to the Goths admiring the coffins. "Ah, vintage hexagon oak wood with Corinthian leather interior. Nice." Ennui said as Crimson hopped inside.

"Take me to the gravedigger." Crimson said as Ennui shut the coffin.

-Interview: Ennui and Crimson-

"Modern coffins are so flimsy."

"When I die, I wanna be buried in one that was made during the plague. They really knew how to make a coffin last."

"So true."

Cut to Mickey carrying Jay’s coffin because I guess somehow they sped all the way to one of the coffin rooms before half of the teams on flight one. "My legs are cramping! My hands hurt! I just… can’t… do it…!" Mickey said as he fell, with the camera landing on top of him.

"Hey, if Mickey can’t do it, I probably couldn’t do it either." Jay said to the camera inside the coffin. "If this is where it ends, this is where it ends."

Suddenly, they heard sources nearby of genuinely incomprehensible noises. "Werewolf? Werewolf!" hey yelled in unison.

"The door’s stuck! I can’t get out, man! Door stuck! Door stuck! Help!" Jay yelled.

"I won’t leave you behind!" Mickey yelled before using his adrenaline rush to lift the coffin… only for it to fall back on top of him.

Cut to Brody and Geoff making their signal noise in a nearby coffin room.

"Huh, I guess the others can’t hear us." Brody said. "Oh well, hop in!" He said as Geoff entered a coffin. Suddenly, they all heard screaming as the Sisters fell through a hole in the ceiling. Not even 5 seconds later, the Queen Bees fell too.

"Ah, sweet, guess you did hear us! Got you extra coffins!"

Meanwhile, Josee was still flipping the coffin while Jacques screamed as they approached the empty graves… where Chet was already pushing Lorenzo’s coffin inside. "Huh? Weren’t you two on the second flight?" Josee asked.

"We were too!" Tyler said enthusiastically as he was pushing Leshawna's coffin inside.

"Who are you talking to?" Jacques asked, still inside of the coffin, only for he and Lorenzo to both scream ad their coffins were pushed into the grave, breaking them and setting them free. "Hey, is that the grave digger!?" Jacques asked in fear.

The grave digger was a hunch backed, gargoyle looking man with a shovel. "Well he certaintly isn’t the ice cream man…." Leshawna said nervously.

"I wish he was..." Lightning gulped.

"There’s ice cream!? Ooh, lemme out!" Owen said from inside his coffin, only to scream as Alejandro pushed it into his grave.

"C’mon, nerd!" Lorenzo said as he stepped out of the grave, only for he and Chet to scream and fall back into the grave as the grave digger pulled out a rusty machete. They then realized the tip was on the machete. Lorenzo grabbed it. "Oh, thanks. Ride on horseback to the Romanian Gymnastic Training Center and find the Don Box. Horseback?"

The five teams heard neighing behind them and saw a bunch of horses nearby.

-Interview: Chet and Lorenzo-

"Sweet, we’re in first place!"

"Yeah, last time I won anything was that medal for being awesome!"

"Uh, you stole that from my cereal box!"

"Stop ruining my moment, buttspray!" they began fighting again.

"Now, try to lower me in slowly kiddo, so that-" Dwayne began, only to feel himself fall into the grave. He groaned.

Cut to Tom and Jen in a coffin room. "I hope there’s enough room for your giant head and all your great ideas in there." Tom said sarcastically.

"It’ll be nice to have you carry me for a change." Jen said as she shut the coffin.

"The only change is that this time you’re in a coffin." Tom said before pushing the coffin over.

Cut to Ennui dragging Crimson’s coffin, only for her to say. "Stop!" So Ennui let go of it. Crimson then rose from the coffin vampire style because of course she did.

"I know it’s against the rules, but this might be your only chance. Well, the only one you’ll remember. Get in!" Crimson said as she and Ennui then swapped place.

Cut to Ryan getting the tip from the grave digger and smiling, only to see Stephanie scowling.

-Interview: Ryan and Stephanie-

"It took us a little while to find the graveyard."

"Just say it! It took me a while to find the graveyard, me!"

"Hey, we’re still ahead of most of the teams."

"You’re right. I’m sorry."

"We’re a great team." While before he was sure of that, he was now beginning to have his doubts.

Cut to the Goths walking away with their tip as the Surfer Dudes made small talk with the grave digger. "Dude, the way you snuck up on us was epic! Epic!" Brody said.

Suddenly, Emma grabbed the tip from the grave below them. "You guys can take the next one." she said as Kitty took a selfie with the grave digger. Noah chuckled at this as he also grabbed the tip.

Cut to Mickey and Jay both falling into the grave.

-Interview: Mickey and Jay-

"So, there was no werewolf."

"But believing there was pushed us farther than we thought we could go!"

"I’ll just tell people I spilled water on my pants."

Cut to Sanders who was struggling to push MacArthur. "Use your glutes!" MacArthur yelled, as Devin passed her. "Yes I am! Using my glutes."

Cut to Chet and Lorenzo riding on horseback. "There’s the training center- huh?" Lorenzo said as the Ice Dancers passed by them. With the Police Cadets still just entering the graveyard, it was the Stepbrothers’ turn to be creeped out by the Ice Dancers constant smiles as now even their horse was smiling towards the camera.

The Ice Dancers arrived at the training center and grabbed their tip from the Don Box. "It’s a Botch or Watch! Ha! Gymnastics!" Jacques said as he and Josee chuckled towards the camera.

"Gymnastics. Nastics that take place in a gym. Whoever didn’t face the bullet ants in Brazil must perform two gymnastic feats. First, walk a balance beam and land a split jump at the center." Don said as the camera showed him doing just that. "I was on the high school team."
He then got hit in the crotch with a football.

"Second, complete a flip over this vaulting horse!” Don tried to do that, but ended up landing on his crotch. "Get a thumbs up from this local judge, Bala Karaoke-" Don said as he pointed to the mustachioed man next to him.

"I hate everything." Bala said.

"-and it’s a footrace down that road to the Chill Zone. Last team to arrive could be headed home. …do you have any ice?"

Cut to Josee kissing her lucky rabbit’s foot before flawlessly moving across the balance beam and flipping over the vaulting horse as Bala gave her a thumbs up, "Hello, first place!" she and Jacques said in unison as they ran out of the building.

-Interview: Josee and Jacques-

"Of course I’m good at gymnastics, it’s a lot like ice dancing. Only in our sport you wear knives on your feet and there’s no soft padding to land on if you fall. Just a rock hard layer of solid ice, Jacques!"

"I said I was sorry!"

"The race for first may be nearing its end, but the race for not last is still ongoing." Don’s voiceover said as the camera showed Sanders tackling MacArthur’s coffin into the grave before getting her tip and Tom pushing Jen’s coffin into another grave.

"Ow! I broke three nails!" Jen said as Tom smirked, only to scream and fall on top of her as he saw the tip on the machete.

-Interview: Jen and Tom-

"Tom was taking breaks every ten feet. He needs to work out more."

"Or maybe Jen could lay off the bread a little?"
Jen gasped. "Fez hats are ridiculous and you’ll never make them popular!"

Tom gasped. "Um, you mean like the time you tried to make plaid leg warmers happen!?"

Jen gasped. "I can’t even-"

—Interview: MacArthur and Sanders—

How are we in the bottom again? We’re better than this, right?" MacArthur said disappointed.

"Yes!" Spud said as he got his tip.

"Why are you all like ‘woohoo!’? We’re in the ‘womp-womp’ bottom teams, man." Rock said.

"Usually we’re second to last place." Spud pointed out.... which was actually true.

"Ice Dancers, congrats, you’re in-" Don began as they ran into the Carpet of Completion.

“First place! Wahoo!” Josee cheered as she leapt into the air. "Still the champs!"

Don got very annoyed as the duo laughed and waved at the camera.

Cut to Chet gracefully moving across the balance beam with ease. Meanwhile, Owen was trying to spring over the hurdle, but he couldn’t bounce off of said spring. Alejandro facepalmed.

Noah was stretching to get ready (to be humiliated) as he watched Owen fail. Suddenly, Emma sprinted up, leapt onto Owen’s head and effortlessly flipped off of it. Noah was... in shock. So in shock his stomach felt weird. It had been feeling a bit weird for a while. But now the feeling was more intense. Way more intense. And he completely forgot about the challenge for a bit before Heather woke him up.

"Hello?! Earth to Noah? No time for snoozing off!" Heather said, which brought Noah back to his senses. When Heather looked at what Noah was looking at, she saw a cheering Emma who grabbed Kitty and left the building. She gasped. Anyways, poor Owen finally managed to get a thumbs up from Bala, resulting in Alejandro letting out a sigh of relief. As did Tyler, having no problem whatsoever.

-Interview: Heather-

"No. Way." Was all Heather had to say, as she was still dumbfounded.

Meanwhile, Chet sprinted towards the spring and flawlessly flipped over the hurdle, impressing both Bala and Geoff, who happened to be nearby. "Hey, he’s pretty good!" Geoff said. During this, Jo received a thumbs up from Bala as well. So did Noah. (Surprisingly.)

"Tch, yeah, because he takes rhythmic gymnastics. If he had any guts, he’d sign up for my class, the ancient art of karate! Hyah!" Lorenzo yelled as he chopped the air.

"Ah, that’s sweet, dude! You bring different skills to the table. Totally makes you a good team!"

"Good team!? As if! Yeah right! No-"

"I’m done, you coming or what!?" Chet asked.

"Yes!" Lorenzo said.

Cut to next three teams reaching the Chill Zone.

"Sisters in second, Reluctant Allies in third. Reality TV Pros in fourth."

"Yes!" All the teams cheered.

"Tyler, we are on a roll!" Leshawna high fived her teammate.

"Alejandro?" Emma turned to Alejandro, who jolted in surprise.

"¿Qué?"

"You're a dork. I know you from Courtney, loser." Emma teased him as she and Kitty left. Alejandro face palmed.

"Told you it was simple." Owen shrugged.

Meanwhile, most of the other contestants were on the gymnastics section, Dwayne was falling off the bar while Crimson had no issue, and Sanders was acing the hurdle and getting her tip. "The race for first is over, and now it’s the race for anything but last." Don’s voiceover announced as Ryan stepped onto the beam. He tried to do the jump, but ended up falling off as Stephanie glared at him.

"Get up, Ryan! Shake it off! Hurry!" Stephanie yelled before attempting to regain composure. "If you can."

-Interview: Stephanie and Ryan-

"I’m staying calm."

"Yeah, you’re doing great, baby."

"I’m doing great, baby. But you could be doing greater! That’s what we need right now! Greater!"

Ryan’s eyes had the look of ‘send help’ in them.

Cut to more teams reaching the Chill Zone.
"Stepbrothers in fifth, Jocks in sixth and Queen Bees in seventh." Don said as the Jocks cheered.

"Much better." Jo smirked.

Don was about to cut the camera to the teams before realizing something.

"..Hey you know I haven't seen the Tennis Rivals in a while, where are they?" Don asked as he saw where they currently were. "Oh you have got to be kidding me."

Cut to a disgruntled Gerry who was gasping for air, who had just reached the graveyard.

"Are we in last?" Pete asked from the inside of the coffin.

"Take a guess." Gerry said between breaths. Pete sighed.

"Well that just ruined all the suspense. Can we cut that?" Don asked the production crew. If they could, they clearly didn't.

Cut to Jay slowly crawling across the beam as Mickey cheered him on. Meanwhile, Devin landed on his back at the hurdle and got disapproved. Rock leapt off of the spring while doing air guitar, doing even more as Bala approved him.

Meanwhile, Ryan was still struggling. "It's called a balance beam, not a wobble beam! Balance!” Stephanie yelled as Ryan landed on his crotch, much to her frustration.

Cut to the Goths at the Chill Zone. "You’re in eighth place! Or, would be in eighth place if you hadn’t broken the rules with the coffin. Ten minute penalty." Don announced.

"Totally worth it." Crimson said.

Cut to Tom jumping over the hurdle without the springboard. Bala didn’t approve this.

"You got this, baby!" Stephanie said as she pushed Ryan towards the springboard. He ran up… and tripped, landing face first on the board and getting bounced back.

-Interview: Stephanie and Ryan-

"What is your problem!?"

Cut to Jay landing on his back as Bala disapproved before cutting back to the Chill Zone. "Police Cadets in eighth, Rockers take ninth surprisngly, Surfer Dudes in tenth Father and Son place eleventh, with Best Friends taking twelfth. With only five teams yet to finish, the Goths look nervous." Don said as the Goths did not look nervous. Don sighed. "Yeah that's... completely justified this time around."

Cut to Jay landing on his feet after the springboard through pure luck, which Bala approved. "Awesome!" Jay yelled.

Meanwhile, Ryan bounced straight up with the springboard and landed on the hurdle itself. On his crotch.

-Interview: Stephanie and Ryan-

"Ugh, do you know who wins gold medals doing this!? Twelve year old girls!" I don't know if you should say that to Chet.

"Yelling at me isn’t helping."

"It’s a Botch or Watch. I’m not allowed to help you!"

Meanwhile, Tom almost nailed the flip, but got his head stuck in the lamp and got electrocuted, falling to the ground and not getting approved. Seeing this, Jen gasped and ran over to the springboard, flipping off of it better than anyone other than maybe Tyler, Chet or Emma had all night, and landed next to Tom. "Tom!? Tom, are you okay!?" she asked.

"I’m sorry, I’m so bad at gymnastics… you know my strengths are coordinating clothing, if you were doing this, we’d already be done. You’re so good at this stuff." Tom replied from the floor.

"Tom, you’re great at everything you put your mind to. So great it’s annoying, but great." Jen replied as she hugged his head.

"Thank you, sweet girl. I won’t let you down, I can do this!"

"I know you can!" Jen said as she put on a fez.

"You do not get to quit on me! You get back in there and start thinking like a twelve year-old girl, mister!" Stephanie yelled at Ryan.

Cut to the Adversity Twins reaching the Chill Zone. "Thirteenth." Don said. The Twins cheered before hearing howling and running off in terror.

-Interview: Crimson and Ennui-

"Well, even if we get booted, this’ll still be the best night ever.'

"Being in that coffin… I’ve never felt so alive."

The duo cracked genuine smiles, which was oddly wholesome.

"You got this Tom!" Jen cheered.

"You should've been done an hour ago!" Stephanie yelled.

"You're the best buddy!"

"I am so disappointed in you!"

Tom was the first to complete the jump, getting Bala's approval. "Great job, Tom! Let's go!" Jen cheered as they began running.

Finally, Ryan landed in the mat. His legs literally went in the mat. "It's about time! Hurry!" Stephanie yelled as they began their sprint.

"The blog was your idea! It's yours!" Tom yelled.

"No, no, you made so many great changes to it! It's more yours than mine!"

"How about, we say, it's ours?"

"Yeah, yeah I like that!"

"Come on!" Stephanie yelled as they were catching up to them.

"Why are they so fast!?!?" Tom asked.

"I don't know!"

"I always want to work with you Jen!"

"I feel the same way Tom!"

Cut back to the Chill Zone, “Goths, penalty’s over,
Fourteenth place.” Don announced.

"Wahoo." Crimson said as the next two teams arrived.

“Daters in fifteenth and Fashion Bloggers in sixteenth you’re both still in the race.” Don said.

"What?!" The two teams shouted in surprise.

"Yeah, there were no stakes. Only in your mind. Call them please." Don asked as some minutes later the Tennis Rivals arrived. Gerry was glaring at Don.

"I'm not surprised. No way were you finishing that first challenge. Seventeenth place, AKA last place, AKA out of the competition!" Don cheered. "I will not miss you." Don said, clearly still having a grudge against Gerry for his black eye that day.

Cut to a montage of the Tennis Rivals's time on the show.

"Well that was a disaster." Pete said.

"Yeah, but I think we did surprisingly well." Gerry said.

"Yeah, now we've got a shot at nabbing some new sponsors!"

....Then suddenly a record scratch played as Don got a phone call.

"Oh, wait please I need to pick this up." Don said as he picked up the phone. "Uh huh. WHAT?!?! You have got to be kidding me." Don hanged up as he sighed and looked at the Tennis Rivals.

"Call it your lucky day, because this was a NON-ELIMINATION ROUND. YOU GET TO STAY." Don said the last few words with venom, however the Tennis Rivals cheered and laughed at him.

"What's wrong buddy? It looks like your dreams got crushed!" Gerry pointed at him as Don gritted his teeth.

"They'll be fulfilled soon, don't worry." Don smiled. "Next time, on the Ridonculous Race, Hawaii!"

Bonus Clip:

Noah's POV

"Well that was an uneventful day." I said to myself as I sighed and laid in my hotel room's bed.

"Uh huh." Heather looked at me suspiciously as she was beside me.

"What's that look for?"

"You know very well."

"No, I don't." I frowned. What came out of Heather's mouth next, certaintly shocked me.

"You have a crush on Emma."

"what." I looked at Heather who seemed to be serious, before bursting out laughing.

"Oh my god your face! Did you seriously not notice? You were literally looking at her with puppy dog eyes! This is hysterical! Noah likes a girl!" Heather laughed harder.

"What?!? I don't like her that way. Yes, she's beautiful, talented, smart, snarky and interested but.." I trailed off as Heather laughed even harder. I wouldn't be surprised if she was causing a disturbance in the hotel.

"You really convinced me there, Casa-Noah!" Heather teased me as I scoffed. Her laughter finally died down.

"Whatever. So what if I like her? I'm not going to do anything about it. Relationships in reality TV? No thanks."

"Oh come on, don't be such a partypooper. It will be fine! At least tell her how you feel."

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"You're unbearable." I sighed as Heather smirked.

"And that's why you love me!"

"Unfortunately."

"Let's ask Alejandro for help, he'll wingman you!" Heather offered.

"No way. I'm not having you and Alejandro make fun of me for having a crush on a girl." I shook my head.

"Yeah, I figured." Heather chuckled. "Just think about it, okay? It's better to try rather than regretting not doing anything. Good night, Noah-boa."

"Good night, honey." I said sarcastically. She snickered as we eventually drifted off to sleep.

"Do I really like Emma?" I found myself asking.

Chapter Text

“Last time in the Ridonculous Race, our teams payed a visit to Count Dracula’s creepy crib and it terrified everyone. Almost. Oh yes, the Goths cracked their first smiles, but other teams cracked under the pressure. The Ice Dancers grabbed first place, and I think Emma unknowingly caught Noah’s attention. Unsurpisingly, the Tennis Rivals cracked under the pressure..... and the weight of the coffin. Fortunately for them and unfortunately for me, it was a non-elimination round. They can't keep getting away with this. Will anyone go in this episode? Find out on... the Ridonculous Race!"

-Theme Song-

As the music played, a shot of the earth was shown. A hand held up a travel tip in front of it before showing silhouettes of the 42 contestants running. It showed shots of the map before zooming to show various photos and means of transportation. It showed a taxi door open before every team’s icon flashed onscreen. The camera showed the logo as a plane flew by and flipped the N.

Open at the Chill Zone. "We’re back in Transylvania, where yesterday’s first place team is about to get their first travel tip." Don explained as Jacques hit the Don Box while Jose’s grabbed the tip.

"Take a donkey cart to Bucharest and fly to Hawaii!" Josee read excitedly.

Cut to the photo montage. "Hawaii! Home of beautiful sunshine, ukuleles, and shirts that should only be worn ironically." Don said as it showed photos of tourists in floral shirts before cutting to Don at the airport. "However, this challenge is special. The first team to finish will be able to get one phonecall. We were gonna put this in the middle of the competition, but we decided to be generous and have a total of 3 possible phonecalls throughout the race."

"Once teams land, they’ll need to find this Don Box." He said… only to notice this Don Box was wearing a floral shirt. "Hahaha, very funny. Was that you, wardrobe?"

Cut to the first donkey cart. The Ice Dancers were at the front while the Sisters, Reluctant Allies and the Reality TV Pros were playing charades. Kitty was doing a very clear camera motion with her hands, "Oh oh! I’m good at this game! Uh, goalposts! No, uh, rectangle face? Umm, a box of candy!" Owen said. Kitty facepalmed as Tyler and Leshawna laughed. Jacques, and Josee didn’t seem very amused.

-Interview: Josee and Jacques-

"Playing is for children. We stay focused on our goals at all times!"

"I’m so focused, I haven’t washed my boxers since the race started!"

"That’s not focused, that’s gross."

"Well, maybe some people think your lucky rabbit’s foot is gross, huh?"

"Don’t listen to him, Bunbun." she kissed the rabbit’s foot again.

"Cheesecake?" Owen asked, still not getting it.

"Click!" Kitty said as an attempt at giving him a hint.

"Oh! Exploding chocolate cheesecake!" Owen declared as Leshawna and Tyler laughed even harder, with Emma letting out a small chuckle of her own.

"Por favor, Owen, it was camera, she said click, how did you not get that?" Alejandro said disappointed.

"Oops?"

As the cart moved forward, they hit a bump in the road, causing Josee’s rabbit’s foot to slip out of her pocket. Nobody noticed.

Meanwhile, the Stepbrothers, Jocks and Queen Bees had managed to get on the second cart.

"I can call Izzy if we get first." Noah suggested as Heather nodded and smiled.

"Ugh, this donkey reeks!" Chet complained.

"He said the same thing about you!" Lorenzo said smugly.

"Pft, a talking donkey? Because that’s possible!"

"It must be possible, because you’re talking right now! Booyah! Call me when you’ve got a comeback!"

"Lorenzo is a dumb face!"

"Oh yeah!? Chet’s a tool, stool!"

"How old are those two?" Jo asked.

"Great question." Heather sighed.

Meanwhile, on the third cart, the Rockers, Surfer Dudes, and MacArthur laughed as their donkey farted. And that about summed up that cart. "Man, from Transylvania to Hawaii? This race is epic!" Brody cheered.

"Anyways.." Sanders sighed. "If we win the phonecall, I'd really love to call my grandmother. She is quite old and her health is-"

"I'd call my cat. Mr.Princess." MacArthur interrupted.

"Okay, but we only get one phone call so-"

"We'll fight for it."

"My grandma is sick! Your cat is a... is a cat! He won't even know that you called!" Sanders glared.

"I'll know. Heads or Tails?" MacArthur asked as she pulled out a coin. Sanders didn't even respond to that.

The Best Friends, Father and Son, Adversity Twins, and Goths all were in the fourth cart.

"We could call your mother if we get first, Junior!" Dwayne said excitedly to his son.

"Man, I hope we get first. I would love to call Maggie to see how she's doing." Devin said as Carrie sighed.

At the front of the cart, Crimson and Ennui shared Carrie's sentiment, but for a different reason.

-Interview: Ennui and Crimson-

"Leaving Romania is tough, but leaving Romania to go to a tropical paradise full of sunshine and happiness?" They sighed.

Meanwhile, the Fashion Bloggers, Daters and the Tennis Rivals were in the last cart. "I need a whip, do any of you have a whip?" Stephanie asked out of nowhere.

"Uh, not last time I looked?" Ryan said in confusion.

"Open your eyes! Our donkey is going way slower than the other ones, it wants us to lose!" Stephanie yelled, mildly terrifying the other five.

-Interview: Stephanie and Ryan-

"I’m not too competitive."

"Yes you are." he said, disguised as a cough.

"Are you okay, sugarplum? I just wanna win. And this is a competition! So yeah, when things get tense, we can’t hold back! We gotta dig deep! Work hard! Give it everything!"