Work Text:
Elain savored the quiet of the townhouse. She was grateful for Feyre and her sister’s newfound family, but she still felt like an outsider. While she tended the gardens at the River House, she found herself spending more and more time in the townhouse. It wasn’t necessarily her own space, but no one lived there currently so it would have to do.
Feyre and Rhys had made sure the River House had plenty of space for her to garden, but the small garden here held a special place in her heart. She had done so much work to the rose bushes and was immensely proud of them.
Elain was exhausted. Gardening and baking kept her busy, but she still felt like she needed to be happy in front of everyone else. She worried the others would see what was going on, that they would hear her at night awaken from her nightmares, and have an intervention as they did with Nesta, who admittedly needed help. Elain just felt like she shouldn’t need help. Instead, she threw herself into her newfound hobbies, hoped things would get better soon, and avoided anyone who paid her too much attention.
Nuala and Cerridwen had become wonderful friends, though she knew they were likely just keeping an eye on her. Elain didn’t mind so much. When the twins checked in, they would often stay and make conversation or help her bake. Elain had learned a lot from them.
It was late at night as Elain was baking brownies. This was her newest baked item she was trying to perfect, and she knew everyone was getting tired of taste testing for her. She hummed as she hand-mixed the batter. She paused as she noticed something shift out of the corner of her eye. For a moment, she gazed at the corner of the kitchen before seeing the shadows shift yet again.
She felt a hint of annoyance as she went back to mixing. She knew Azriel checked up on her just as the twins did, but he never visited. They hadn’t spoken more than short hellos and goodbyes since that solstice night when he rejected her. Since then, she had tried not to acknowledge the shadows that watched her. If Azriel didn’t want to speak with her, then she wouldn’t give his shadows anything worth reporting.
After putting the batter in the oven to bake, Elain set about cleaning the kitchen, pouring herself some tea, and basking in the silence yet again. That is until the door to the townhouse opened.
She jumped out of her seat. She hadn’t been expecting anyone to drop by, and the twins always appeared from the shadows rather than the door. She heard it close as she stood there, waiting for whoever it was to round the corner.
Azriel stopped in the doorway of the kitchen as his hazel eyes met hers, his often-unreadable expression morphed into one of surprise.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t think anyone would be here,” he said, his deep voice washing over her.
Elain inhaled quickly as she turned to the clock. “That’s okay, I think the house is usually empty.” There were still five minutes left before she could take out the brownies.
She turned back to look at him as he shifted his gaze away, cheeks slightly pink. Elain realized she was standing in the kitchen in her nightgown. It wasn’t revealing, but the white silk fabric still made it seem immodest. The neckline was lower than anything else she wore, so she grabbed her robe off the back of the kitchen chair and put it on.
“I have brownies in the oven if you’d like to stay. I think I’ve worn everyone else out on taste testing this week.”
“Thank you,” Azriel said, giving her a grateful smile. “I had planned to sleep in my room at the House of Wind, but Cas and Nesta are celebrating an anniversary, and well…” He trailed off.
Elain giggled. “I think they find an excuse to celebrate an anniversary every day. I don’t blame you for wanting to get out of there.”
Azriel smiled back at her.
Does that mean he is staying here for the night? Elain shook her head slightly to clear her thoughts. Even if he did, Azriel made his intentions, or lack thereof, very clear on solstice night. She wouldn’t make that mistake again.
He poured himself a cup of the tea she had made and sat at the table. They stayed in comfortable silence for a few minutes. This was what Elain missed most about Azriel. He didn’t have to speak, he didn’t pry. They could sit and she could talk if she wanted to.
Elain fished the brownies out of the oven and set them on the stove to cool for a few minutes. She opened the cabinet intending to grab two small plates. She reached up and stood on the tip of her toes, but the plates had been set so far back that she couldn’t reach them.
For a moment Elain panicked in her embarrassment. She knew he was watching, and could feel his steady gaze on her back. She wasn’t even that short, why of all days, today?
Half a second passed and she went to turn around, intending to grab a chair to stand on. Before she could, she felt Azriel’s presence right behind her. His hand grazed her arm before he grabbed two plates and set them on the counter in front of her. He wasn’t pressed against her, but he was so close she could feel his warmth on her back.
“Thanks,” she said, the words coming out breathier than she meant for them to.
“You’re welcome.” His response was soft, the same way he always spoke to her. Elain had never heard him speak that way to anyone else. His mouth was so close to her ear that she shivered as his breath fanned across the side of her face. He didn’t move for a moment, and Elain closed her eyes, breathing deeply. His scent of night-chilled mist and cedar was comforting.
Azriel stepped back, and it was like being doused with ice water. She was suddenly cold, and she mentally scolded herself for losing her wits. Again.
Without turning around, she grabbed the plates and started to put a brownie on each, hoping Azriel wasn’t watching her and didn’t notice her hands shaking. She set them both down at the table, one on each side. She couldn’t handle sitting right next to him.
Elain didn’t think about how hard it would be sitting across from him either though, and was kicking herself for setting it up like that. She watched as he picked up the fork with his scarred fingers, and cut into the brownie, lifting it to his mouth and taking a bite.
“Mmm,” he almost moaned. “Elain, this is so good. It might be the best I’ve had yet.”
His eyes met hers as he licked his lips. She grinned, took a bite of her own, and tried not to notice how his throat bobbed when he swallowed.
“I’m glad you like it! It’s better than the batch I made earlier this week. Although, Cass did keep the rest of that batch, so they must not have been too bad.” Elain laughed as she remembered Cassian holding the brownies out of Nesta’s reach. Everyone had been there: Rhys, Feyre, Cassian, Nesta, and Mor. Even Lucian was there, though Elain ignored him for most of the night.
Azriel smiled as he took another bite. “I don’t blame him. I’m not sure I want to share the rest with anyone.”
Elain blushed and looked down, taking another bite of her own. A moment later she looked up and saw a glint of mischief in his eyes as they watched her. His plate was clean, but he was still holding his fork. Elain was about to ask if he’d like another when he reached over the table and cut a piece from hers.
“Hey!” She laughed. “There’s plenty more on the counter, that’s my piece!” She knocked his fork with hers, spilling the brownie on the fork onto the table.
“Now we’ve made a mess, it's all over the table!” She grinned at him. Azriel scraped it off the table with his fork and popped it into his mouth.
“Now no one has to know,” he said. She wished she had heard those words under different circumstances, but pushed that thought from her mind.
“That probably had germs all over it, who knows what’s happened on this table,” Elain said, scrunching up her nose in distaste.
Azriel shrugged. “It’s not the worst thing I’ve eaten off of. And it was too good to go to waste.”
Elain sobered slightly, wondering what he meant by that. Before she could ask, his hand reached across the table once more. He hesitated, watching her face, before he ran his thumb along the corner of her mouth. Elain didn’t move, afraid he would stop touching her if she did.
“You have chocolate on your lips,” he said. She stuck out her tongue, tasting her lips without thinking. His eyes watched her mouth and they darkened as her tongue came into contact with his thumb. She pulled it back into her mouth as his thumb moved across her bottom lip pulling it down slightly. Elain’s heart started beating so rapidly, that she was sure he could hear it in the otherwise silent kitchen.
She noticed his throat bob as he swallowed again. Before he could make another move, Elain got up and grabbed the plates, walking quickly to the sink. She placed them in, and stood there, looking out the window into the pitch-black gardens. Her pulse was still rapid, but she knew she had to get away before he rejected her again. She couldn’t bear it if he did.
“I’m sorry,” Azriel said, as she heard him get up.
“Why do you do that?” she asked before she could stop herself. The kitchen went silent again as he stilled. “Why do you tease me if you do not want me?”
He sucked in a ragged breath. “It’s not that simple, Elain. Things are more complicated than that.”
Warm hands gently wrapped around her upper arms. Elain felt Azriel bend his head down, touching his forehead to the back of hers. His voice dropped to a whisper. “But do not think for a second that I don’t want you.”
Elain felt like she couldn’t breathe. She spun in his arms, her back to the counter, and looked up into his eyes. She searched them for a long moment, his doing the same.
At the same moment, they moved forward slightly and his lips brushed hers. Before he could change his mind, Elain moved her hands to his hair, holding his lips to hers. The kiss was soft and passionate, as if he had been wanting this as long as she had. One hand gripped her waist as the other came up to cradle the back of her head and tangle in her hair. Azriel deepened the kiss, pulling her closer and causing her to gasp into his mouth.
He pulled back after a few moments, placing another kiss on her lips. Elain felt dizzy. That was the best kiss she had ever had.
Azriel’s hazel eyes bored into hers. “You have a mate, Elain.”
“I don’t care, Azriel,” she whispered. And she didn’t. All she wanted was Azriel. “I don’t care what we have to do. I don’t care if no one can know. I just want you.”
And as Azriel kissed her again, she knew that was the truth. She didn’t care if they had to retreat into the shadows to be together. She never felt more safe, more herself than with Azriel and his shadows.