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Everyone who knew Mike would have understood that he needed to brag just as much as breathing air. And it’s not like he was asking for participation! You could just sit next to him, nod here and there, and go ‘whoa, really?’ for an additional nice touch. Basically, while he acknowledged that what he talked about wasn’t really deep, well… he still wanted people to listen to him. And there was no crime in that!
So he had not expected Boner, his best friend since preschool, who usually understood his role better than that, to say something a bit too wild a bit too out of nowhere.
He just blinked at him, the time for the information to reach his brain.
Boner was sitting on the couch next to him, an innocent smile on his face, either not realizing what he had just said or making fun of Mike. Expect the second option wasn’t his type. Boner had never been really good at jokes; either making them himself or simply understanding them.
Mike had to lick his lips to humidify them before he could reply anything.
“Bone. I can’t just show you how I kissed her. I mean. You get why, right?”
It was Boner’s turn to blink slowly. Time passed, just as slowly. Eventually Mike couldn’t take the silence, so he went on.
“I would need to kiss you for that.”
“Yeah.” replied Boner, eternally unhelpful.
“So…” Mike tried to encourage him.
“So, I… don’t have enough experience to get it?”
Mike threw his head back, already feeling how this conversation would drain him. Even if they grew old together, he doubted ever being able to understand how Boner’s train of thoughts worked.
“I don’t… know what it has to do with experience, but sure. More importantly, we’re both guys.”
Light could finally be seen in Boner’s eyes, who let out a triumphant “Oh!”
It was kinda awkward now which was almost physically painful for Mike. He always hated feeling that way. Making it his duty to lighten up the mood whenever it got bad. He just didn’t know how to deal with other people’s feelings. Heck, even his own feelings could be too much to handle sometimes!
“You’re my best friend, though.” said Boner.
“That’s sweet. Your point?”
“Like, if I had to kiss a guy, I’d prefer to kiss you.”
Mike quickly looked around to see if anyone sharing DNA with him was around to hear any of this. Really not the type of conversation you should be having in the living room! So he taped Boner’s leg to get his attention in silence and pointed up, to his room.
Once in there, Mike looked in the hallway to make sure his siblings doors were closed, before closing his.
He walked to his desk and put on some music to bury their words under. That way an ear dropping Ben wouldn’t get any juicy info. Then sat next to Boner on his bed.
Now what?
In a way, it was flattering. But the idea also made him uncomfortable. This swirl of opposite emotions will for sure make him sick in the stomach. What was he supposed to tell Boner to let this subject go, without hurting his feelings? In the first place, was what he just said serious enough for his feelings to get hurt? If he joked about it like he usually would, but Boner got mad at him for it…
A knee hit his own.
“I was just curious.” said Boner, almost too low for Mike to catch it.
An energetic pop rock song was a strange soundtrack for the situation. But then again, everything in this moment was strange.
Mike’s voice broke on his “Yeah!” just to embarrass him further.
He should have made a joke, after all. This was his only way out from the tension. But words got stuck in his throat. This was starting to piss him off! There was no good reason for him to freak out like that! Boner said it himself; he was just curious. And he’d just rather kiss Mike than Eddie. Good choice too, because for sure Eddie was a bad kisser. He bragged about getting girls in ways that made it too obvious he made it all up. The guy didn’t know how to fake confidence, to the point it was sad. At least he could lie, compared to Boner.
And wasn’t Boner’s earnestness the problem here? He took everything too seriously, seemingly forgetting people could physically lie, let alone get something from it or just enjoy lying.
Definitively, Mike wasn’t overthinking how to talk about this with him. If he hurt Boner, the guy would probably not be able to hide it but still say it was fine but it really wouldn’t be fine and then Mike would feel like such an asshole and he hates feeling that way and-
The singer’s voice got lower and lower, not finishing his sentence when the song ended. It always pissed Mike off when a song ended that way, which was annoyingly way too common.
“It’s just,” started Boner in the lull between songs “girls like you.”
Mike could have puffed his chest to that, if he wasn’t so lost in this uncomfortable mix of feelings Boner had unleashed on him. Technically, that statement wasn’t super true. Mike bragged a lot, yeah… but he was also good at lying. And prone to doing so.
“I mean, some do.” he said sheepishly, not wanting to lie in this moment, but not wanting to say the whole truth either.
“No one ever liked me,” Boner continued, looking at his shoes “at this point I don’t think I’ll ever get kissed, you know?”
Oh, that was just… what the hell was he supposed to say to that? No amount oh ‘nah, man’ would help his friend when he was feeling so down. Plus, it was right that the guy just wasn’t popular. Too honest, again. Huge turn off for chicks. If they ask you if you think they’re fat… for the love of everything, do not be honest about it! Boner had the special ability to start an interaction well enough, in this case saying something like ‘not at all’ only to add something really dumb like ‘but those clothes looks really bad on you’ Mike knew this from having seen it happen too often.
“Dude, don’t say that…” was all he found to say.
Then Boner had to drop another bomb on him “Do you think I’m ugly? Be honest.”
Mike could do with less honesty, actually. Keeping things light, no acknowledgment of feelings, good times… just as he thought that Cyndi Lauper’s ‘girls just wanna have fun’ came on. Just to mock him, surely. It somehow fit, but also didn’t. He licked his lips again.
“Nah, Bone, I think you’re a normal looking dude.”
“Then what’s my problem?”
The problem was Mike’s heart would surely explode if they kept on going like this. Why must he come to him for honesty… didn’t he know it was his least favorite thing? Ugh.
“I think…” and thinking was hard with the lyrics in the background “it’s not your appearance, but, you know… how you come off?”
Boner looked right at him then, not saying anything for a moment. And hadn't it been awkward enough? Why did he have to make it worse with his staring?
No, in fact Boner knew how to make it worse “So I just gross girls out when I open my mouth?”
Mike wanted to bury himself in a hole and never come out of it. He just nodded, lips pinched, eyes closed, regretting everything he had ever said.
“Man…” Boner sighed “this is tough. When I’m quiet people say I’m creepy.”
“Ok, whoever says that is stupid, don’t listen to them!”
Boner nodded, smiling.
“And anyway, girls are all…” he made a vague hand gesture “about what guys they like and why. Lame as it sounds, my mom says it’s a phase and they get more, I dunno… mature? As they age. So maybe you’ll become popular as an adult.”
“That’s so far from now…”
“Yeah…”
Cyndi’s song finally ended, giving Mike a bit of hope, before he recognized Madonna’s voice. Oh, come on… they were both great and he would have enjoyed them if alone, but these songs were just not helping him right now! Material girl, really?
If she could stop singing about kissing boys or dancing with them…
“So you think I’ll get to kiss when I'm, what, 30?” asked Boner.
And holy shit, what a depressing thought. It’s not like Mike had as much experience his friend believed him to have, but even with less confidence that he would have liked, he found kissing to be fun. A bit gross too, with the saliva. But it was the adult way to kiss, that parents stopped themselves to do in front of their kids to not give them ideas. So it was exciting in that way. But he couldn’t describe it in words that would satisfy Boner, he just wasn’t that good at explanations, even when he knew something! His grades could speak on it.
So, really, Boner had gone to the root of the problem right away, by asking Mike to show him.
And surely… he’d be able to keep a secret that would embarrass them both if it slipped off his lips?
Madonna was so right; this was a material world, and experience made you rich.
So, in a way, it would be rude of him to deny his best friend in the world that experience. Very uncool, selfish, unkind. Plus, he knew what rejection felt like, even if he refused to admit it. For one girl interested, ten told him to get lost.
“Ok, listen,” he started. And didn’t continue right away, lost on how to present this.
Boner looked at him a bit too intense, which was probably due to how dark his eyes were, but still, way unfair.
“We could… try. If you really want.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Mike murmured, as if the word wouldn’t technically have been said if it wasn’t audible enough.
“Ok!” moved Boner to face him “How do we do it?”
Mike couldn’t help himself: he laughed.
“Usually, people press their lips together.”
“I know that! I just meant… before that. Do we close our eyes? When do we close then? Do I have to breath before and hold it?”
As much as he wanted to mock him for it, Mike remembered when he had those questions too. How he had been too embarrassed to ask anyone. And how he had fumbled his first kiss, making the girl say it was ‘ok’ out of pity. Brr! Terrible memory.
And Boner was his best friend. As such, he wanted him to have a decent first kiss if he could give him one. So he tried to explain. The kiss won’t last long, so don’t worry about air. Just close your eyes right away if it stress you out, I'll close the distance. You basically don’t have to do anything but puck your lips. No, not that much, come on.
Then, well… it was time.
Mike still hesitated after saying he would do it, which, lame. If he went on like this for too long Boner would think him chicken, and he couldn’t have that!
But seeing him with his eyes closed and eyebrows furrowed, expectant, was just… he didn’t even have words for that.
The song changed again, not as loud or in your face, so that was nice, he thought. Or maybe having something to dance to would have calmed his nerves, somehow. Making him believe this was a party and they were having fun. But no, this was serious.
His heart was beating a bit too fast when he slowly closed the distance between them. And when their lips touched, it felt like he was himself getting his first kiss. Suddenly he had no clue what he was doing or if he was doing it well. It was a bit dizzying and way too embarrassing. He had told Boner this would be a short kiss, and yet here he was, unable to move. Boner didn’t break it either, finally remembering he had a nose he could breath with. Well, at least he learned something. But as the seconds passed like this, the dizziness got worse. Fainting from this would not surprise Mike by that point.
It was strange.
They weren’t really doing anything. No parted lips, no tongue. Just statues connected. A complete lack of movement. Yet it didn’t… feel bad.
Mike was panicking for sure, about too many things to name them all, but. If he was to focus on the sensation and nothing else, well, it just didn’t feel bad.
Maybe Boner was a genius at life or something. Maybe kissing your best friend is just a less terrifying experience. Less awkward than with some girl he only knew the name of. Yeah, once they parted, this should be easier. Because even if Boner didn’t enjoy it that much, he wouldn’t blame Mike for it, or act disappointed. So it was fine, actually.
It was Boner, in the end, who tilted his face to break it off. Mike did his best not to show any expression on his face when he backed away.
It should be fine. There was nothing to worry about. Still. His stomach didn’t get the memo.
“That’s…” started Boner, making Mike’s heart jump in his chest in apprehension “not how you said you kissed that girl, no?”
“Oh.”
Silence.
Right, he had meant to kiss Boner like that. But the whole panic thing made him forget that crucial detail. He licked his lips and mentally berated himself for doing that right after Boner’s lips had been on his. He had to think of something, quick.
“I mean, yeah! It was your first kiss, so would have been too intense if I’d done that right away!”
“I see.”
Mike was so happy of being a professional bullshitter right now. That ability was, once again, saving his ass.
“Can we try that now?” asked Boner, just in time to make Mike loose his confidence again.
So Mike hummed in approval, because, really, what else was he supposed to do? They had gone too far to stop now. And anyway, the idea of kissing Boner didn’t bother him as much anymore. So he could probably do better now. When he thought of it that way, it sounded right.
This time his friend met him halfway, their knees bumping. Their position on the bed wasn’t that comfortable, and Mike wanted to change it, but didn’t know how to, so his wavering hand eventually ended up on Boner’s leg. That felt too romantic, so Mike opened his mouth to cringe… somehow forgetting he was in the middle of a kiss.
Boner, not expecting it, fell toward his teeth, and swiftly jumped back, blinking at Mike in surprise.
They just stared at each other for a few second, Mike completely lost on what he should do or say. Boner saved him from having to think of anything.
“Oh, sorry,” he said “I guess that’s how you… deepen… it?”
A hole. In the ground. So deep. For Mike to hide in. Yeah, that would be just what he needed right now, to run from all this.
“Yeah…” he tried “I should have… let you know first.”
“No, it’s cool! Now I know.”
And, man. What Boner didn’t know was fear, apparently, because he got closer, wanting to try again. In his place, Mike would have made a dumb joke to act like the humiliation didn’t bother him at all, before running away. When he bravely closed his eyes again, Mike found in him enough determination to do it seriously.
No more joking around, or stressing over it on his own, this was all for Boner! He wanted to know how that felt like, and Mike agreed to show him so… he had to deliver on it now.
A leg bent under him to give him better access to his best friend, hands posed on said friend’s shoulders so he wouldn’t make stupid mistakes again, Mike licked his own lips one more time. It was weird, thinking he was about to exchange saliva with Boner, but then again, they had shared grosser stuff before. When you think about it, kissing and chewing on a gum that was previously inside your friend’s mouth was basically the same thing, no?
It felt like even Boner was sorta getting used to this. Awkwardly, he tried to tilt his head to follow Mike, upgrading from statue to living being.
When Mike parted his lips, Boner copied him.
They both got stuck in that stage for a moment, Mike suddenly aware this next step would change something between them. Maybe not something big. But he had no clue what it would change and how, which was scary.
Faking bravery, his tongue slipped out. He felt Boner’s shoulders tense under his hands. It hadn’t been so stressful with that girl. In fact, it had been easy. He hadn’t even had to think about it. She was interested and he was happy that she was interested. That was all.
But Boner wanted both too little and too much from this. It had his heart go on a roller coaster in his chest. So he did the only thing he knew to ground himself, and grabbed Boner’s shoulder tighter, leaning into the kiss some more.
How was Boner so comfortable with letting him do that? Didn’t it bother him at all to feel Mike’s tongue moving in his mouth? He didn’t dispute the presence at all, which pissed Mike’s off quite a bit. What, then? Could he do whatever he wanted? Where was it too far?
To try and get a reaction, he had one of his hands land on Boner’s leg, purposefully this time. But the boy seemed too focused on the kiss he was trying to mimic, so the hand moved to his hips. It felt too bold, wrong, like they’ll get punished for it, so Mike had to force himself to leave it there.
He broke the kiss, just to give himself a moment to breath and perhaps calm down, because what was he even doing, but Boner made a weird noise which made him dizzy again. A bit unfair that noise. A bit too weird. A bit too close to a whimper. And there was no way Mike was that good at kissing that he’d be asking for more. But then again, he was Boner’s first so he couldn’t compare. Another dizzying thought. He wanted to kill those thoughts.
Another kiss should do the trick. That way he didn’t have to think about anything else. But Boner made another noise in that contact, muffled this time. The problem was that Mike had been able to feel it, not just hear it. The way it resonated directly inside his mouth…
Weird. It was weird, right? He shouldn’t be into it. Neither should Boner, kissing him back with all he had.
Weird, how he thought it was normal to grab Mike’s hair, under his ear.
Weird, how they kept getting closer, and he wasn't quite sure who’s fault it was.
Weird, how they only broke it to breath, still too close, eyes remaining closed. Mouths on each other as soon as they could afford to again.
Weird how it was actually hard to breath. Why could he barely manage it? Even through his nose it was awkward if not painful.
Just weird.
At some point they had to actually stop, exhaustion getting to them. Mike had no clue how long they kissed for, how many songs had passed. He hadn’t listened to any for a while. The heavy breathing was getting to him now.
Embarrassment hit him, hard.
Holy shit, and what the hell, and fuck. It had been way hotter than the kiss that had started it all. This is not what he had been talking about at all! How did they even get to that point? Sure, it had been open mouthed with that girl, but tongues hadn’t been that bold. In fact it was quite chaste compared to… this.
She hadn’t made weird noises right into his mouth. Then again, their kiss hadn’t lasted long enough for anything like that to happen.
Lost in his thoughts, Mike heard Boner’s voice, but not his words.
“What?”
“I said thanks.”
Mike wanted to ask what again. Because, what?
Boner must have got that on his face because he said “It was nice. So, thanks.”
“I… aim to please?” tried Mike, still confused.
And the asshole laughed to that. In a cute way too. Why and how was he cute? Since when?!
“Um, yeah, so…” Boner looked to the side, biting his pink lips.
“So…” Mike repeated.
“I don’t know, just thanks? I owe you one or whatever.”
Mike nodded, always welcoming someone having a debt to repay him. Not that he had any clue what to do with this one. Maybe ask for another kiss. No. What? How does that even…
But it had been nice, outside of his heart threatening to die on him. So, doing it again wouldn't be so bad…
“I learned a lot,” added Boner.
It was now Mike’s turn to laugh. Technically so had he, but he wasn’t about to tell the guy. He had suffered enough embarrassment for the day.
So he just said “Cool.”
Now he was stuck on the idea that when they’ll get out of his room somehow his family would be able to tell. By the pink lips, or the air around them, or their behavior, or just an annoying sixth sense.
Mike got up to open the door a crack and look into the hallway. No one in sight. He nodded toward Boner so he would follow him before opening the window right by the stairs. It was the easiest to climb in and out from.
He would not have his family or anyone guess what just went on in that room and inside his head.
At least not before he figured it out himself.