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Louise does a frankly incredible job of keeping it together until they leave the laser tag establishment. She nods politely, smiles engagingly, strolls casually to the door with a friendly farewell….
It is only once they are on the sidewalk outside that she turns to Logan and slugs him enthusiastically in the arm. “Oh my god, we could actually win this thing!”
Logan rubs his arm and grimaces at her. “Why is it always violence with you?”
She punches him again. “When you asked me to do this, I thought it was some sort of scheme to… I don’t know, I hadn’t decided… ruin my life somehow-”
“Jesus Christ.”
“But we are in the finals! We could actually literally win this thing!”
“Yes I know,” Logan catches the fist she aims at him this time and shoves her away from him. “That’s why I asked you. You think I was gonna risk partnering with just anyone for the NYC Laser Tourney? Get your head out of your ass, Belcher.”
“Dibs on the trophy!” Louise yelps.
“We don’t even have a trophy yet.”
“But we will. And I call dibs. So I get it and you don’t.”
“Fine,” Logan gives in with a roll of his eyes. “You can have the plastic laser tag trophy. Yippee for you.”
She shoves him. “It is yippee for me. I don’t see any fancy trophies for you anywhere.”
“Um, excuse me? That is blatant LFE erasure and I will not stand for it.”
Louise rolls her own eyes, a smile stretching at the corners of her mouth.
LFE: Little Four Ears. The stupid rabbit squirrel Logan had bought from a garage sale and mounted in his car. Every time she sees it, her heart skids into a new rhythm: a reaction becoming unfortunate with the amount of times he’s had to drive them up to New York City to participate in this stupid laser tag tournament.
“What on earth is that a trophy of?” she says dismissively.
“Um?” Logan says in an exaggeratedly incredulous tone. “The time I got a little squirrel in a rabbit costume for literally one dollar? Also known as, the time we ruined that asshole’s entire day and it was the best? Obviously?”
The smile sneaks out onto her face and she shoves him again in retaliation. “You are actually a fucking moron.”
“You know,” Logan says, strolling to the lot his car is parked in, “I’m beginning to think that those words are actually some sort of compliment in Louise-ese. Am I right?”
Louise gapes at him in confusion. “Are we not getting hot dogs?”
She gestures to the next street over where the hot dog stand is located. Her and Logan always head over there and get a hot dog and water after one of their games of laser tag. It’s become a bit of a tradition. Well, as much as you can consider something a tradition when it’s only been around a month of games.
Enough of a tradition that she is feeling betrayed at his apparent ignorance of it.
He smirks at her. “Am I right?”
She glares. “I could just go over there and get a hot dog by myself, you know.”
“You could. But I think maybe you’re starting to like our outings together. Am I right about that one?”
She narrows her eyes. This feels like a trap. She doesn’t know how… but somehow this is a trap.
“No comment,” she says cautiously.
Logan sighs and rolls his eyes. “You have to answer one of those two questions. Or no hot dog. Or you could compliment me, but I know that might-”
“You’re honestly incredible at laser tag,” Louise answers promptly. “Now stop being a brat and come get a hot dog with me.”
Logan blinks at her in shock. “You think I’m incredible at laser tag?”
Louise huffs. “Obviously. That’s why we could actually win. I’m dominating… and you are a surprisingly great partner.”
He coughs, a red flush stretching its way across his face. “The first one was better,” he mutters.
Louise grins. “Are you blushing right now, Bushberry Flustered? Maybe I should compliment you more often- this is fun.”
Logan rolls his eyes. “Only you would compliment someone to make fun of them.”
“What else?” Louise says musingly. “Oh, I’ve got it. I think you’re surprisingly funny! I enjoy your self-deprecating mockery. I like how cool you are with my parents. I… appreciate how in sync you often are with me. I like your hair-”
She stops speaking abruptly. She had not meant to say that one. She had not meant to say that one at all. Actually, thinking back on it, she hadn’t meant to say any of it! Why had she said any of it?!
Logan cocks his head and a smile unfurls across his features. Not, as she might have expected, a teasing one. Not even a smug one. No, this smile is sincere and almost shy.
“You like my hair?” he asks softly.
Louise’s heart skitters into a new rhythm even though LFE is blocks away. “It’s okay, I guess.”
He nods and something in his eyes makes her continue recklessly. “It looks very soft! And I like how it frames your face! And I like the colour!”
He nods again, taking a deep breath and licking his lips. “Your hair always looks soft to me too,” he says quietly, reaching out to run his finger and thumb over a strand of it.
Louise’s breath catches. “Um,” she says stupidly.
“Um?” Logan repeats gently.
“I want…”
“Yeah?”
“Hot dogs.”
Louise blinks. She had not meant to say that. She had not meant to say that at all.
Logan grins fondly, stepping back and letting the piece of hair fall back out of his hand. “Yeah, yeah, I know. Got to get you your hot dog.”
Too quick for her to even begin to parse through the bluster of complicated emotions swirling through her right now- let alone voice them, Logan strides off in the direction of the hot dog stand.
“Can we talk about that group of like, sixty plus year olds who went in as we were coming out? Life goals, frankly.”
Louise snorts, physically shaking the moment off as she hurries to fall into step with him. “I’m pretty sure they were there to watch, not play.”
Logan hums consideringly and then shakes his head. “Nah. Did you see that one lady in front with the poofy grey hair? That lady came to dominate and you won’t change my mind. There was only one thing to be seen in her eyes and it was death.”
Louise raises her eyebrows. “And why were you spending so much time looking into her eyes?”
Logan half-turns to her with a sly smile. “Four Ears, I’m surprised at you! I feel like I’ve made it very clear that I have serious mommy issues and I like my women of the older persuasion.”
He bends down and wriggles his eyebrows at her in a ridiculous way. She smacks him across the cheek with the flat of her palm and tries not to think about how it makes his hair bounce in a fascinating way… tries not to think about how much younger she is than him.
She turns to face the line to the hot dog stand and pales at the figure at the front of it.
“Logan,” she snaps, grabbing his hand and yanking him into a crouch.
“Owww,” he whines, leaving off rubbing at his face to rub at his shoulder.
“Shhh!” Louise hisses frantically at him. “I know that girl. She’s… we have a complicated relationship and I don’t really want to see her right now.”
“Ooooh!” Logan pops back up and peers through the line, adding in a stage whisper: “Which one?”
“Would you-?!” Louise yanks him back down again and holds him there this time, whispering softly. “The one at the very front. With the blonde hair and blue sundress.”
Logan cranes his head, eyes narrowed. He turns back to look down at her with raised eyebrows and a mouth pursed in a silent whistle. “Damn.”
Something curdles in Louise’s stomach and she snaps without thinking, “She’s fucking crazy so….”
“The hottest ones are,” Logan says dismissively, turning away from Louise to stare at her again.
She realizes suddenly that she’s still holding his hand and flings it away from her, face burning. Logan looks down at it for a second and then turns to face her, eyes serious. “What can I say, Four Ears? I’m a simple man- a sundress blows my mind every time.”
She rolls her eyes and shifts backward. “Oh my god, let’s just go-”
“So what about you?” Logan continues over her. “You’re hot and crazy- got any sundresses hanging around to blow my mind with?”
She stops her movement, eyes flashing up to meet his in her shock.
The smile on his face is not, as she might have expected, a mocking one. Not even a calculated one. No, this smile is honest and almost pleading.
“Berry-”
“Louise?! Oh my god, it is you! Hi!!”
Louise’s attempt to redeem herself from the hotdog fiasco is forestalled by a shockingly bright voice and she shudders. For fuck’s sake.
“Millie!” She says with false enthusiasm- as if she hadn’t been crouching on a New York City sidewalk to avoid this exact situation. “Is that you? I didn’t even recognize you! Did you get taller?”
“It’s these smoking heels!” Millie answers unsuspiciously. “They make my legs and ass look great! Look! Would you mind taking these?”
She hands the two hot dogs in her hand to Logan and bends over, the sundress molded tightly across her skin. Then she stretches a leg back and flexes it. “Don’t I look great?”
Louise darts a glance at Logan. He is gazing at Millie, but not in a leering way, and as if he can feel her glance, he turns to meet it with a raised eyebrow and goofy face. Doesn’t she look great , he mouths silently at her, and she turns away, mouth twitching and a warm feeling dancing its way through her.
“Louise?” Millie prompts.
“Oh! Right. Yes, you look great. Very nice heels.”
Millies straightens and turns to face them again, face beaming. “I know! Thanks!”
This last is not directed to Louise for the compliment, but to Logan as Millie takes the hot dogs back out of his hands. Suddenly seeming to actually register his presence, she cocks her head and turns to Louise.
“Oh my god! Is this your boyfriend?!” she asks delightedly.
“No!” Louise yelps. “No. No. Not at all. No. No.”
Logan turns to her with a quirked eyebrow. “You think that warrants five nos?”
“I think it warrants ten actually,” she retorts. “I was being nice because we have company.”
“Right. Well, then I want to say: no, no, no.”
So saying, he turns to face Millie and says confidingly as if Louise cannot hear him. “It’s only three nos because we are objectively not dating and she wounded my pride a bit with her five, but I am also cognizant that she is way out of my league and I would be a very lucky man if she ever briefly forgot that and gave me a chance.”
Louise straightens with an awkward cough and yanks her eyes from Logan’s face, just as he turns back to her. Her gaze lands on Millie instead- who looks even more delighted than she did in the first place.
“You guys are so cute!” she squeals, continuing over Louise’s confused protests. “You have to introduce me and then I will introduce you to my girlfriend when she gets back. She’s in the bank right now, but I just know you are going to love her!”
Louise sighs, abandoning her half-hearted and confused denials and giving into her fate. “Millie Frock, Logan Bush. He’s my… he frequents my family’s restaurant sometimes and I owed him a favour which ended up being this laser tag tournament that we’re doing together which is why we are here right now. Logan Bush, Millie Frock. We went to school together until Millie’s family moved in high school.”
Logan’s nose wrinkles. “Frond? Is she related to Frond? Are you related to Frond?”
“FROCK,” Louise says louder, swatting at his arm. “Listen better, dipshit.”
Millie laughs. “Oh my god, I forgot about Mr. Frond! I used to spend so much time with him!”
“Me too,” Logan says mildly.
“Me too,” Louise says. “But that was by choice.”
“Remember his dolls!” Millie yelps suddenly, turning to Louise. “That was when our friendship truly began!”
Louise wrinkles her nose and tilts her head. “I mean… we had fun together, yeah. I don’t know if I’d go any farther than that.”
“Dolls?” Logan breaks in. “Did you guys do something to the dolls? Me too! Caleb and I hid them in various grotesque positions all over the school. One of them was in the freezer, two of them were engaged in a blowjob situation in the staff washroom, one of them was hanging upside down from the flagpole.”
Louise turns to stare at him. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Millie leans in to whisper in her direction. “I see why he was spending a lot of time with the guidance counselor.”
Logan laughs, flushing. “Ooookay. Wishing I hadn’t said that. What are you guys talking about then?”
“One time Mr. Frond unraveled his own dolls to prevent a water park visit. I helped Louise figure that out and jump started our relationship. It’s a fond memory for us both.”
“She trapped me into being friends with her,” Louise clarifies.
“Forced proximity works,” Millie answers, gesturing to Logan with one of her hot dogs. “Why do you think he’s making you do this laser tag thing with him?”
Logan chokes beside her and she turns to face him slowly, a tight feeling in her chest. “What?”
“Yo, Frockster! Give me that!”
Their conversation is interrupted as a small figure darts between them and snatches one of Millie’s hot dogs. Louise blinks as Logan releases a slow breath beside her. The girl who has just joined their conversation looks almost identical to Louise. Same stature, same colour hair, same scowl, same style of clothes. Oh, and she’s wearing a bright pink headband with cat ears on it.
“What the fuck-” Louise starts to blurt.
“Hi,” Logan cuts in smoothly, Cynthia’s politeness drilled far deeper into him than her mother’s vague comments on being nice could ever be. “I”m Logan and this is Louise. She went to school with Millie.”
“Right,” the girl answers, mouth full. “Louise. I’ve heard of you. Millie used to be obsessed with you.”
Millie joins the conversation with a laugh as she tucks her hand into the crook of the girl’s arm and leans her head against her shoulder. “I can’t imagine why now. My type has changed a lot!”
“Right,” Logan blinks, smile stretched unnaturally across his face. “People change a lot after they graduate. Anyway, we should go, though. The line is gone and if I don’t get a hot dog in me pronto, I will not be responsible for my actions.”
“Bye,” the girl says shortly, shoving the final bit of hot dog in her mouth.
Millie gazes up at her besottedly. “Oh Lu.”
Lu?! Logan mouths at her again, but it feels tainted this time. Everything feels tainted. Louise just wants to go home.
“Okay,” Logan says awkwardly as neither girl shows any sign of acknowledging them any further. “It was nice to meet you guys. We’re gonna go order some hot dogs now.”
He moves slowly away, reaching for Louise’s hand to bring him with her. But as his fingers brush hers, it feels like her brain finally starts working again and she yanks her hand back, spins on her heel, and stalks off back in the direction of his car.
“Four Ears?” she hears him ask, but she doesn’t turn around. Forced proximity, indeed. She’ll show him what forced proximity with her can be like.
He catches up with her too quick for her to plan any sort of concrete revenge though.
“What the fuck? I thought you wanted a hot dog?”
“You have exactly ten seconds to explain yourself,” Louise says, voice sounding a lot wobblier than she would like it to. “Or I swear, I will drop out of this tournament. Favour or no favour.”
“Explain myself? What?”
“Are you tricking me into a friendship with you?! “Forced proximity” and all that?”
“No! I’m-”
“Then why did you ask me to do this laser tag thing with you?”
“I needed a favour to cash in on! You wouldn’t stop hounding me about it!”
“Then why that reaction when Millie said it?!”
“Well-”
He stops and she steps back from him, shaking her head. “Unbelievable.”
“Okay. Just-”
“No. You’re done. You had ten seconds and you used them to lie to me. You’re done.”
He darts in front of her and stops her with his hands on her shoulders. “Just give me-”
“If you do not take your hands off of me right now,” Louise spits lowly, “I will kick you in the dick, steal your keys, scream rape, and leave you here.”
He steps back quickly, hands raised. “Okay. I-”
She side steps him and continues marching to the car lot, eyes stinging.
“Louise,” Logan calls pitifully behind her. “Can you please just let me explain?”
She doesn’t answer him.
“Two things can be true,” he starts and she shoves her fingers into her ears.
“I should have just kissed you earlier,” he mutters frustratedly and she whirls to face him, taking the fingers back out to cross her arms tighter.
“Is that what you’re trying to do? Trick me into having sex with you?!”
“What?! No!” Logan says, shaking his head aggressively. “Of course not. I didn’t mean for you to hear that. I thought your ears were plugged.”
She scoffs. “Right. Great explanation.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Logan rips a hand through his hair aggravatedly. “It’s complicated, okay? Two things can be true at the same time! Yes, I needed a favour because you were hounding me. Yes, I liked laser tag and I genuinely thought we could win. Yes, I was trying to think of a favour which would give me the opportunity to spend more time with you. Yes, I enjoy spending time with you. Yes, I’d like to kiss you. Yes, you also often seem to give me signals that you might not mind that! At least… during the last couple games, you have. So yes, I guess I used “forced proximity”-”
“You tricked me!”
“I didn’t trick you! At least… I didn’t mean… I just wanted to spend time with you, Louise. I thought this would be a safe way to do that. I-”
“Then why didn’t you just say so?”
“What was I supposed to do, Louise? Just casually ask you out after spending exactly one car ride together where we didn’t kill each other? I didn’t know how I felt then! I was just trying to test the waters-”
“Well, you should have been honest about that! Or at least, you should have been honest when you did know how you felt!”
“Right. I should have just asked you out after a random game when we had a tournament to win? That would have gone over well.”
“Better than lying to me!”
“I didn’t lie to you! I’ve just been-”
“And what the fuck was today then? With the hair and the sundress and-”
“Testing the fucking waters!”
“Well, why can’t you just grow a pair and ask me out for a proper fucking date?!”
“Fine! Do you want to go on a date with me?!”
Louise blinks. She’d drawn much closer to Logan in their argument and she is startled to find that she’s close enough to touch him, the edge of her chest brushing his with each inhale, raised on her tiptoes, finger pressed into his chest, face inches from his.
She sinks back down onto her heels, feeling suddenly stupidly small and young.
“Fuck you,” she mutters.
He gapes at her, blinking. “Are you serious?”
She doesn’t break her sullen silence and he scoffs, stalking past her. “Jesus fucking Christ. You did that on purpose. What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Louise shakes her head, eyes stinging again. “It must be because I’m too young for your tastes.”
He glares over his shoulder. “Whatever you have to tell yourself.”
He gets half a block away before he realizes she’s not following him. He turns and stalks a few steps back in her direction. “Let’s go. As fun as standing around in my humiliation is-”
“I’m not going with you,” she says. “I have friends who live here. I’ll text them for a ride.”
He shakes his head. “I’m not leaving you alone in New York, Louise.”
“I’m not really your concern. I have other people for that.” She says coldly.
He stalks closer. “Can you just tell me what I did wrong here? I did what you asked me to, you embarrassed me, and somehow you’re mad at me?”
“I don’t know!” Louise hisses in annoyance. “I don’t know! I feel stupid when I talk to you! I feel stupid and naive and… I don’t own a sundress! I’m not that kind of person. I have exactly two dresses- one for funerals and one for getting laid. I don’t…. You are so different from anyone and I feel like I’m always off-kilter with you and I hate it! I really like it, but I also hate it and it’s terrible and how come you get time to figure out your feelings and I don’t?!”
Logan sighs. “You do. Of course you do. I just… God, I don’t know. I don’t know. I’m dumb, I guess. Let’s just go home okay?”
They walk back to his car in silence. It’s the first time they’ve made this walk without hot dogs and it’s not lost on Louise that she is the reason why.
“I think I was just embarrassed,” Logan says softly as they reach the lot. “I thought you were going to say yes.”
“I thought I was going to say yes too.”
The words startle her. She hadn’t even realized she’d felt that way until they slipped out.
Logan nods slowly. “Why didn’t you?”
“I don’t know. You confuse me. This is new and it confuses me. I… I don’t know.”
He pops the doors open and she climbs in, rubbing her boots along his floor mat on autopilot as she does so. When she looks up at him, his gaze is on her feet and surprisingly enough, a smile is tugging at the corners of his lips.
Not, as she might have expected, an insincere smile. Not even a dry one. No, this smile is thoughtful and somehow soft. He takes a deep breath and turns to face her, taking her hands in his and meeting her eyes with earnest sincerity.
“I’m sorry for being confusing,” he says quietly. “I don’t want you to feel stupid or naive around me. I don’t think you are stupid and naive. I’ve never thought that. I’ve always thought you were way too fucking smart for me. And… since that afternoon, I’ve thought…. I meant what I said earlier. You are way too good for me. Way too good for me. But if and when you decide on your feelings… just to be not confusing, um… I do like you. I like spending time with you and I’d like to take you on a date and…. Yes. I wanted to. Be clear. About that. Sorry about… everything being confusing and stuff before now.”
Louise licks her suddenly dry lips. “Okay. Thanks. I’ll… I’m gonna think about it.”
He drops her hands and nods. “Are we still on for laser tag?”
“Don’t be silly. Of course we’re still on for laser tag! As if we’re gonna let that snooty couple win.”
Louise smooths the fabric over her waist for the fiftieth time and glances out the window toward the building beside them. Logan’s therapy appointment was supposed to end 12 minutes ago and as each minute ticks by, an awful thought is growing increasingly larger in her mind: maybe he’s not coming this week. Maybe he can’t stomach seeing her and won’t come by anymore.
She clears her throat sharply and turns on her heel toward the kitchen door. She’s so stupid. And now she’s gonna have to listen to her parents whisper concernedly and sympathetically and-
“Are you wearing a sundress?”
She closes her eyes tightly for a moment, trying to catch a breath. When she turns around, Logan is leaning against the counter and smiling at her. Not, as she might have expected, with a teasing smile. Or even a smug one. No, this smile is admiring and maybe even hopeful.
“You look great,” he offers, dragging his eyes along the length of her body slowly. “Hot and crazy.”
Heat flickers its way through her and she inhales.
“It’s Tina’s,” she says and winces. “I don’t know why I said that.”
He laughs. “Well, it looks great.”
She clears her throat and bites her lip. “You kind of ambushed me last week.”
“You asked me to stop dancing around it!”
“Two things can be true.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes. I can be a very difficult person. You’re the one who wants to go on a date with me.”
“Jesus,” he rolls his eyes, craning his head over her shoulder and picking up a menu to peruse aimlessly. “Where’s your dad? I’m starving.”
“I asked him to leave. Told him I’d handle orders.” She shoves the menu back down and hops onto the counter beside him. “Did you hear me?”
Logan’s eyes flick to her legs and he exhales slowly. “Finding it hard to listen to you right now, not gonna lie Four Ears.”
“I said,” Louise clears her throat again. “I said that you’re the one who wants to go on a date with me.”
“Mmmm,” Logan hums absently.
“You do?” Louise insists. “Still?”
His eyes finally meet hers, incredulous. “Of course I still do. If anything, I want to even more now.”
“Right.” Louise takes a deep breath. “Then ask me again.”
Logan grins slowly, standing up and leaning into her. “Four Ears?”
“Yes Bushels?”
“Will you go on a date with me?”
She pulls back and gives him a serious look. “Logan. You have to understand how important your friendship is to me-”
He pulls away, blinking stupidly and flushing. “Are you actually serious? Again?”
“Nope,” she says, popping the ‘p’ dramatically. “That’s for being kind of a loser about this whole thing.”
“Hey! I-”
“Use that tiny little nugget inside your head that we optimistically call a brain. I put on a sundress for you. What do you think the answer is?”
He hesitates, mouth opening and closing around air a few times before he says slowly. “Yeeeeeeess?”
She rolls her eyes and hops back off the counter. “Yes it’s yes. Idiot. But not until after we dominate in laser tag. We need to be focused. Also, it will give you extra incentive to do well.”
He gapes at her. “What the fuck? That’s not fair! You’re wearing a sundress!”
She smirks. “Well. Maybe you should have thought of that before you embarked on your little “forced proximity” scheme.”
“It wasn’t a scheme! I feel like I’m being punished for the actions of that random girl years ago. Ooh!”
He breaks off suddenly, leaning in, eyes dancing. “Can we talk about her girlfriend? That was insane! And her name was Lu! Do you think that’s actually her name or do you think that’s just what she calls her?”
Louise rolls her eyes, smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “Jesus, Bushberry Lice Cream. You’re actually so inept at life. Those of us with brains already Facebooked her. Her name is Lucy Ellis and her family runs a movie theater. She’s the youngest of three and a horror enthusiast.”
“Noooo!” Logan gasps and leans over the counter. “Really?”
Louise thumbs into her phone and pulls up the page, sliding the phone across the counter to him. “Read it and weep, Bush.”
He picks up her phone, scrolling through it as she starts making his burger. As she drops it onto the grill, he looks up and catches her eye through the window. “You’re hotter,” he says decisively.
“Shut up,” she rolls her eyes. “You’re not my boyfriend, you don’t have to do that.”
“I’m not your boyfriend yet,” Logan clarifies. “But I got a whole date to blow your mind. You’re not the only one who can rock a sundress.”
A startled laugh sneaks out of her and he glances back up, grinning.
This one is a smug and teasing smile… but it’s also delighted and sincere and honest and soft and hopeful.
It might be her favourite one so far.