Work Text:
“Babe! Dinner is served!” Came the call from down the hall, pulling Hongjoong out of his daze. He had been elbow-deep in a heap of faux-leather, trying to hand-sew a neat line of mother-of-pearl white beads on the skirt of his project, tongue poking out and all in concentration.
“I will be there in a minute!” He called back, firmly securing the bead he was sewing on the fabric and holding it up to assess his work. It was going fairly well, only the finishing touches remained before he had to submit his homework.
And it better be, he had been slaving in his room-slash-studio for the better part of the week in an attempt to present an, at least, acceptable piece to his professor. Something about working with new mediums, picking an idea, an inspiration of sorts, and choosing the materials to go with it to see how it goes.
Being the over-achiever he was, he took one good look at the project requirements and decided to go with the first idea that came to his mind at the time. He was blessed with the ability to source creative inspiration from his roommate and boyfriend of two years, so of course he settled for, more like was hit by the urge of, creating the outrageous outfit he had in hand. It was almost done, a mismatch of glossy PVC and faux-leather that somehow worked. He did all the measuring, cutting and assembling the days before and all he had left was the hand sewing of delicate parts before it was ready for one final fitting. Not that the mix of materials he chose to work with was unheard of or original in any way, it was simply a combination he had not attempted before and it counted as new in his case, enough to fill the requirements of the assignment.
He set the needle and fabric carefully on the table so he will know where to pick up later and got up, stretching his arms and back to relieve some of the tension that had accumulated from how long he had been hunched over the working table.
The apartment was silent, save for the clatter of dishes and the sound of running water that he picked up on as he walked the short way down the hall and towards the kitchen. His boyfriend no doubt being busy with tidying the space up, never one to let clutter and chores accumulate for later.
Sure enough, Seonghwa was by the sink, busy rincing a pot. He turned towards Hongjoong with a small smile as the latter stopped behind the kitchen island and took a seat. Hongjoong watched him place the pot on the drying rack before toweling his hands dry.
“Do you still have a lot to do?”
It took Hongjoong a minute to realise that Seonghwa was asking him about his project, the older boy waiting patiently for a response while he took the time to set a plate in front of Hongjoong and took the seat next to him on the island.
“Ah, right…” He trailed off as he picked up his spoon. “Not really, just the beads.” He shoveled the fried rice into his mouth and nearly melted at the flavour. “I was getting done with the right side and need to start on the other.” He swallowed another mouthful, doing a quick mental math to estimate how long it would take him if he kept working with the same speed. “My fingers will probably fall off by the time I am done, but I know that it will be worth it.” He nodded to himself. The image he had in mind of the finished work would be so worth it, the sketches and drafts would probably be no match to the actual thing, he could feel it. Even if his fingers end up with even more pinpricks.
He smiled to himself while filling another spoon. “This is so good, Seonghwa.” He hadn't realised just how hungry he had been, but since he got a taste of the food, he felt ravenous. He looked up at his boyfriend with a grin, cheeks puffed up as he chewed, only to find the other boy already looking at him and beaming.
“Well, aren't you the cutest?” Seonghwa reached up to pat one of his cheeks, making Hongjoong snort and attempt, albeit halfheartedly, to swat his hand away. “I honestly can't wait to try it on.” He got back to his plate as he listened to Seonghwa. “More than that, I can't wait for you to finish, you've been holed up in your room for way too long already.”
“Oh, did you miss me, baby?” He joked with a teasing pout, dodging just in time as Seonghwa tried to swat him with the kitchen towel and making him giggle.
“I did. I do, miss you, I mean.” Seonghwa admitted making him snort. “Whenever you aren't around. I can't help it.” added the boy wistfully, making him look up from his plate. Seonghwa was staring off into space, a soft smile dancing on his lips. “But I know this project is worth so it's all good.” He watched him blink several times in quick succession and it seemed to bring him back to the present moment.
It was only then that Hongjoong noticed how Seonghwa was just sitting there with his legs crossed and forearms resting on his thighs, seeming to have been in that position since the moment he sat down, not having made any attempt to touch the plate he had set in front of him. Hongjoong did a double take, noting how even if the plate was nearly empty, he hadn't seen Seonghwa take a bite. Heck, the spoon was put on the other side of the plate, food untouched.
“What–” Hongjoong trailed off, confused. “Are we rationing or something?” He failed to understand why there was barely a handful of the stir-fry rice on the plate while his had been filled to the brim.
Seonghwa followed his gaze before shaking his head. “I didn't make a lot since I wasn't hungry.” He leaned over the island, barely breaking his stance to reach out for the spoon. Hongjoong watched him make a show of spooning some rice into his mouth and chewing languidly before looking up at him for a second then looking away, shrugging. “I just wanted to keep you company.” He picked up his glass of water and gulped down half of it. “Eat up.”
Confused, Hongjoong took a bite of his food, his mind going miles per minute while also trying to slow down to wrap around the eerily familiar situation.
When Seonghwa placed his silverware down and took another sip of his water, Hongjoong’s mind screeched to a halt.
Fuck.
No. No, we're not doing this again.
He turned his seat to face Seonghwa, heart in his throat as the other had yet to put the glass of water back down. When sensing Hongjoong’s eyes on him, he looked over the glass at him with wide eyes as if caught red-handed. And in many ways, he was.
“Seonghwa…” No matter how many times the subject came up, it was still hard to breach it without making things worse. He shook his head and started again. “Talk to me. Did something happen?” He knew the signs by now, but he didn't want to be overreacting on the off chance that he was wrong.
And he really wanted to be wrong. He tried to recall anything that occurred in the past couple of days that upset his boyfriend, but he came up empty handed. He cursed himself for not being present and attentive enough because he had been busy.
The last time he sat and interacted with his boyfriend for more than two minutes was last night, before going to bed. They had talked for maybe half an hour before they drifted off to sleep. Nothing seemed off about Seonghwa then. Well, he didn't act like anything was wrong.
What could have possibly happened in the past twenty four hours that set him off?
“Huh, what do you mean?” Seonghwa seemed to not have expected the question. He looked genuinely confused, not knowing what Hongjoong was asking about.
“Seonghwa, you barely ate anything. And I know for a fact that you didn't have lunch.” Because you said you were full then too, went without saying. So, what is going on?
Realisation came over Seonghwa's features as he lowered the empty glass to the counter and looked away. “I can skip a meal or two, you don't have to be so paranoid.” He seemed to catch himself pushing the vegetables around his plate and dropped the spoon like it was on fire, like he didn't even know how and when he had picked it up, eyes fixated on the plate in front of him like it had offended him.
“Seonghwa,” Hongjoong tried to get his attention, but the call fell on deaf ears. The boy next to him continued his staring contest with the glassware, gaze unwavering as he bit his lower lip. “Fuck,” he said under his breath. “Seonghwa, look at me.” He grabbed the boy's hand and turned him around to look at him, but he stared unseeing in his direction instead. “Seonghwa, baby…” He tried again and stood up, attempting to get him to focus by placing a gentle hand on his cheek.
The glazed over look that his boyfriend had in his eyes seemed to lift bit by bit as he came back to himself with each caress of Honjoong’s thumb over his cheek. He watched Seonghwa slowly blink at nothing before focusing on his face, eyes widening endearingly in confusion, and Hongjoong barely had time to appreciate the twinkling in them before the boy closed his eyes again and leaned forward, letting his forehead rest on Honjoong’s chest.
“Are you with me, Hwa?” He felt him nod under his hand as he ran his fingers through Seonghwa's dark, long locks. “How are you feeling?” He waited patiently for a reply, their soft breaths and the whirr of the fridge the only noise that could be heard in the kitchen.
“I think…” Hongjoong heard him gulp, a loud exhale following shortly after. “I am tired, Joong.”
“Do you want to get some sleep?” He asked tentatively, trying his best to be gentle and squish down the earlier panic and anger. Seonghwa's bangs rustled against the fabric of his sweater as he shook his head.
“Headache. I can't.”
Hongjoong frowned, about to suggest he sleeps the headache off before it clicked.
Of course. Headache, lightheadedness, nausea, weakness, feeling cold, hand tremors, thirst, spacing out…
“I tried… Hong–” He cut him off by stepping forward and wrapping his arms like a protective shield around Seonghwa's head.
“I know, baby.” There was no point in blaming himself for not noticing sooner, for getting too preoccupied with school work, for not looking after his boyfriend. “I am here now, you're going to be okay.” It sucked that he had to ask Seonghwa questions, but he needed the guidance, clear answers about the state his boyfriend was in and he was not about to guess and assume on his own because it did not always end up being the same. He wasn't aware for how long it had been going on, how bad it had gotten exactly.
“Can you please tell me if anything feels off, baby?”
He planted a kiss on the crown of Seonghwa's head then buried his nose in his hair, inhaling the fruity scent of his shampoo.
At least he was still responsive, Hongjoong had to remind himself of that. It hadn't gotten completely out of hand. Seonghwa was still with him, he was holding him in his arms.
“Just tired.” Hongjoong felt Seonghwa moving his own arms that had been laying by his sides and tucked them between their bodies, shifting his head to the side to look down. He, too, looked down at the boy in his arms to see him wrap the fingers of one hand on his own wrist. “Today was hard.” The hollow voice coupled with the absent look as Seonghwa stared down at his hands and rotated his wrist inside the circle he formed with his thumb and pointer finger made bile rise in Honjoong’s mouth.
He tried to be gentle when prying Seonghwa's hands apart from each other, the movement breaking the latter from his daze to look up at him instead. Hongjoong wrapped Seonghwa's freed hands around his torso instead, smiling softly at the boy who was so confused and too depleted to stand back up from his seat now that he finally stopped acting strong and invincible.
He brought his own hands to cup his boyfriend’s cheeks and brush the stray strands of hair that fell over his face, the wide boba eyes blinked languidly at him until something took over Seonghwa's entire expression and he tightened his arms around Honjoong’s torso and brought him even closer to bury his face in Honjoong’s chest.
“Hey, baby, what's wrong?” Honjoong’s heart halted at the sniffles he could hear coming from Seonghwa. His jaw fell open like a gaping fish, unable to find what to say, but Seonghwa beat him to it.
“It was so hard, Joong.” Seonghwa mumbled into his chest. “All day long… I tried, I really did and–” he hicupped, “I don't know what happened, where it went wrong, and it's not like it's bad but–” he felt Seonghwa grip the fabric of his sweater tighter and dig his fists into his back. All he could do was listen, now that Seonghwa was finally letting it out. “I don't want it.” He shook his head into his sweater vigorously. “Hongjoong. No more.” He sounded so tired, so defeated to Honjoong’s ears. So hurt and terrified of going down the same lane again.
“I'm right here, baby. And I'm not going anywhere, you hear me?” Even if Seonghwa had to go down that lane again, the difference this time was that he wasn't alone. Hongjoong won't allow a repeat on his watch. “You don't need to change anything about you, Seonghwa. Not now, not ever.” He failed to see why it was hard for Seonghwa to see it, why he doubted such truth, but he would always remind him. “You are gorgeous, Hwa. You are beautiful just the way you are.” He pulled away a little to peak at Seonghwa, putting a hand under his chin so he'd pull his head up to meet his gaze. “I love you. All of you. Every part of you.”
Seonghwa tried to break free from his grip but he held on, cupping Seonghwa's face in his hands and looked into his eyes to stop him from saying anything, knowing exactly where it would go and what he would say. “I know it's hard for you to believe. I know you think I'm crazy and would be better off without you. But you're terribly wrong.”
He knew exactly what Seonghwa was thinking, because he had said those same exact words before, and Hongjoong wasn't going to listen to any self deprecation from his boyfriend tonight. “You are the best person I could have ever asked for to be by my side.” He felt the telltale sting in his eyes and he blinked rapidly to dispel the tears. “Not the makeup or the clothes, not the hair or body, not even the grades or career. You don't need to change anything, just you is enough."
He leaned down to kiss Seonghwa's forehead, the latter's eyes closing and more tears spilled down his cheeks making Honjoong’s heart squeeze in agony. “You are already perfect, Seonghwa. I wouldn't have you any other way.” He brushed his thumbs over those tear tracks, and with his sweater sleeve patted Seonghwa's chin and jaw dry where the tears still clung to his skin.
“I'm sorry,” Seonghwa croaked.
He couldn't help but bend a little to plant a light kiss on his boyfriend's lips making the latter's breath hitch. “Don't be. I've got you.” He whispered against Seonghwa's mouth.
He might not know how to fix things entirely but he could help Seonghwa forget his worries with a little trick, an idea that popped in his head as he broke the kiss and looked into his boyfriend's gleaming eyes.
“Come here.” He kissed Seonghwa's lips one last time before dragging him up and onto his lap as he sat down on the chair, an arm wrapping around his tiny waist while he pushed his boyfriend's plate away from them with the other. He spooned some fried rice, making sure it had more meat than rice and gestured for Seonghwa to open up.
The boy hesitated for a moment, his gaze flying between the spoon in front of him and Hongjoong who nodded at him encouragingly, but eventually leaned forward and took it into his mouth and chewed slowly.
He kissed the place on Seonghwa's jaw right under his ear, just because it was right there, making the boy startle and glance at him with wide eyes. He grinned cheekily before stuffing his face with rice making Seonghwa huff out a laugh at his antics.
He continued like that, alternating between feeding Seonghwa and stealing a bite for himself, all the while making sure that the boy in his arms had his fill since he was sure that his body needed the nutrition after the long day and who knows how many skipped meals.
Besides, Seonghwa himself said he was tired, poor muscle strength and decreased stamina being a telltale sign that he had been starving himself. And while he wasn't shaking in Honjoong’s hold, which typically happened after a day of Seonghwa forgoing to eat anything, he was obviously feeling weak and had only been putting up a show of having a normal day doing daily chores and being perfectly fine.
If only he had been around earlier, he would have noticed sooner that—
Hongjoong shook his head to get his dwindling thoughts to stop. There was no point in blaming himself when he could take care of Seonghwa now. The boy was literally on his lap, chewing on the spoonful of vegetables that Hongjoong offered him with the littlest uplift to his lips, a clear display of amusement at Hongjoong's dislike for vegetables.
“Do you think you will be able to finish tomorrow?” Seonghwa's voice pulled him from his musings as he had been halfway through placing the spoon on the now empty plate.
He did the mental math as Seonghwa turned to face him, putting one leg on each side of his hips so he ended up straddling his lap.
He leaned against the backrest with a contemplative hum, his hands moving like they had a mind of their own to rest on Seonghwa's waist as he thought.
“Maybe the day after tomorrow or…” He trailed off, his tongue poking out without him noticing. “I can probably make it tomorrow afternoon.” But that meant he would have to go back to work right away, maybe finish one side by the end of the night and leave the other for tomorrow. He was in no rush to finish, and he needed a break for a day.
He nodded to himself. He will take the night off, maybe tomorrow morning too, squeeze in a few hours of sewing throughout the afternoon and wrap things up by the time evening rolls around. It was the weekend after all. He could finish anything left undone come Sunday. A solid plan.
“Yeah, the day after tomorrow.” He focused his gaze back on the boy on his lap. “I'm all yours tonight.” He laughed at Seonghwa's scandalised expression. “Judging by that look, you have something in mind. Anything in particular that you want to do?” He leaned forward, bringing their faces closer together only a hair width apart, and watched Seonghwa's eyes widen and his jaw fall open.
“Uh… well, uh…” Seonghwa looked from his eyes to his lips then down at the hands on his hips. Something seemed to click in his head and he slumped and leaned back on the edge of the counter, eyes narrowing into slits in annoyance. “Stop teasing.” He pushed Hongjoong's shoulder with barely any force. “Idiot.” He huffed and gave him the stink eye for emphasis.
“But you love this idiot.” Hongjoong absent-mindedly rubbed the spot on Seonghwa's hip bone that was right under his thumb. “Idiot.” He teased with a smirk, watching for any sign that indicated Seonghwa was losing his temper and braced himself for another shove on the shoulder that Seonghwa was still gripping.
Instead, he got an armful of a very soft Seonghwa curling into a ball against his chest and burying his face in his neck. “My idiot.” His boyfriend mumbled against his throat, making his skin erupt in goosebumps. “I love you, Joongie.” It was like Seonghwa was out to make him melt on the spot. His heart was already beating so loudly, he was certain it was pretty audible and Seonghwa's words made it want to beat out of his chest.
“That's unfair.” He laced his arms around Seonghwa and squeezed him into a tight embrace, unable to keep in his fondness for this amazing boy that stormed into his life and took his heart any longer.
The only response he got was more softness from Seonghwa as the latter nuzzled his neck and kissed the nearest patch of skin he could reach, right over Honjoong’s throat. And fuck, he was doomed.
“Seonghwa,” he said breathlessly, managing to sound less strangled than he felt. “I love you too.” He ducked down to plant a kiss on Seonghwa's hand that was holding onto the collar of his top, careful to not jostle him and managing to land it on his wrist. “Tonight and always. Don't forget that, Hwa.”
“Promise?” Seonghwa unfurled his fist, releasing the fabric he had been clenching and splayed his fingers on the other side of Hongjoong's neck to draw random shapes with the pads of his fingers between light caresses.
“Promise.” He held Seonghwa closer to his chest, vowing to himself to never let go.