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"What do you think, Akihiko?" Haruki asked, biting the end of his pen.
"Hm?" Akihiko blinked back to reality, lifting his chin from his palm.
"This is important," Uenoyama snapped, sat opposite them in the booth. "We have to decide where we're going to play next."
"Um," Mafuyu started, a hand on both sides of the milkshake he was looking into. "How about that new stadium in town?"
"Stadium?" Haruki practically spat out his pen, leaning forward.
"Dude," Uenoyama scoffed. "Gross."
"Yeah," Mafuyu continued. "It opened pretty recently from what I heard."
"And the reviews?" Haruki pressed, struggling to grasp the pen again; opening his notepad with his other hand.
"Good. I think..."
"Hey... This could be really good for us!" He laughed, nudging Akihiko in the ribs. "Don't you think?"
"Hm?" Akihiko had to snap out of it again, gaining a few dissatisfied looks from his bandmates.
"Rough night?" Uenoyama crossed his arms, trying to keep the snark out of his tone.
Last night was certainly one Akihiko didn't want to remember. Ugetsu brought home another of his boyfriends, for starters. That felt like a stab through the heart, even though Akihiko should have been used to it by now.
He couldn't remember the girl he stayed with. Both her name and her address drew blanks in his mind, and honestly, he could live with that.
But, god, did he wish things could go back to the way they were between him and Ugetsu. He'd give anything—anything—for just that. He didn't care how much he hated music because of him. He didn't care that Ugetsu felt suffocated. It was a selfish thought, but he'd be lying if he said he never went to bed every night, wishing for it.
"Hangover?" Haruki guessed, raking a hand through his hair as he continued to inspect Akihiko.
"Yeah," he lied, rubbing his forehead with a hand. "I'm gonna go get some water."
"I'll come with you," he offered. He slid out of the booth, waiting for Akihiko to follow him up.
"Why?" He frowned, pushing himself to his feet. "I just need to order it."
"Y-Yeah, but," Haruki stuttered, his face reddening from embarrassment.
"Whatever," Akihiko sighed. He took the lead, not even bothering to ask if anybody else wanted anything. He didn't have the patience for that today.
---
Haruki ordered the drinks, leaving Akihiko to stand behind him, looking around.
It was just after sunset, so not a lot of people were hanging around at the dimly lit restaurant. He bounced up and down on the balls of his feet before spotting something outside the window.
No, not something—someone. He planted two feet firmly on the ground now, squinting his eyes. It couldn't be...
But it was. Akihiko couldn't mistake him even if he tried; he'd spent the last two years living under the same roof as him. Not to mention he was still hopelessly in love with the bastard.
Ugetsu was smiling, walking past the window, his hand in some other guy's. The other guy was laughing, moving closer to him on the pavement.
Akihiko watched them walk the full length of the window before letting out a shaky breath.
He was fine with finding another place to spend the night if Ugetsu was bringing someone home, but he'd never actually seen the faces of Ugetsu's flings.
He preferred it that way. It was sort of like he could block it out; pretend it was nothing. But it was something.
He saw a face.
A tall, dark haired man; pearly white teeth.
Akihiko couldn't help but scowl. He had no right to be jealous; he knew that. Even so, it didn't change how it felt. How it hurt.
Because he always thought Ugetsu would quit one day. Settle back down with him; pretend nothing had changed. But every so often, he was proved wrong.
What was he clinging on to?
"Akihiko," Haruki sang, a tray of drinks in hand. "You there?"
He blinked back to his senses, pinching the bridge of his nose—hard enough to stop a tear from seeping out.
"I'm gonna head home," he grunted, brushing past Haruki's shoulder.
"What? Why?" He snapped around, concerned. Of course he was concerned; Haruki always was. The polar opposite of Ugetsu.
"Not feelin' too good," he murmured, hunching his shoulders.
"Oh." Haruki furrowed a brow before his face lit up. "Why don't I walk you back?"
"No," Akihiko sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I just wanna be alone."
"...Alright," he responded reluctantly, looking down to the tray in hand. "Goodnight."
---
Akihiko: Don't bring anyone home 2nite.
Akihiko: I'm not feeling well.
The response was imminent, which only made his chest ache more.
Ugetsu: Are you alright?
Ugetsu: Want me to pick up something from the pharmacy?
Akihiko scoffed, bringing the duvet up to his face. Ugetsu could be so damn sweet when he wanted to be. Other times, he was... Nevermind.
Akihiko: I'll be OK.
Akihiko: Sorry if I ruined any plans.
He switched his phone off at that, laying it face first on the empty space of mattress before him.
He felt guilty about lying. Was it so bad that he didn't want Ugetsu to be with someone else? Just for tonight?
He heard the small ping of his phone beside him, but didn't have the will to check. It was probably some snide comment Ugetsu found humourous. Akihiko couldn't deal with that right now.
After pushing himself up from the mattress, he made his way to the kitchen, grabbing himself a can of beer from the fridge. He hated drinking alone, but right now he couldn't think of anything better.
The can was cracked open with a small sizzle, quickly fizzing out as he raised it to his lips, chugging slowly at the beer, each droplet clogging up his throat.
Ugetsu moved on ages ago, so why couldn't he? Why was he still hanging onto the hope that... That Ugetsu would come back?
They'd both have hookups here and there, and nothing more was said about it. Deep down, Akihiko knew that Ugetsu didn't care. He stopped caring long ago, but he surely knew that Akihiko did care, right?
Did he get enjoyment out of it, Akihiko wondered? Did Ugetsu enjoy having him as a safety net to fall back on?
Akihiko didn't know. Similarly, he didn't mind. Anything to keep him close, he'd take. He knew he should have had more self-respect than that, but it was a lot more complicated than anyone could understand.
Even Haruki wouldn't get it—despite Akihiko not even bothering to try and explain. It was hard enough with Haruki's blatant crush on him; he didn't want to upset him by bringing up an ex—the love of his life, if he'd let him be.
Akihiko wasn't even second choice. Ugetsu was so alluring that he had everyone pining after him. It never sat right with Akihiko. Even when they were together, he wouldn't miss everyone around stealing glances at the love that should have been his.
But, what could he have done? It's not like Ugetsu would have taken his jealousy seriously. He'd just have made an egotistical joke about it and brush it under the rug, like nothing was wrong. Akihiko couldn't do that. He had the right to be jealous then, but not now.
Seeing him with that... guy earlier was enough to fuel up that envy. He tried to suppress it—he really did. He almost never let his emotions get the better of him; he was good at keeping himself controlled, but this was another level. This was Ugetsu. The only one who could make him lose his calm and composed nature at the batter of an eyelid. The one who could take over his mind and the one he'd let do such a thing. The only damn person who mattered to him in the long run.
The feeling should have died long ago. It was no longer reciprocated; he knew that and yet he still wouldn't let go. He didn't mind the pain. He was hoping that it would all be worth it some day. He was just proved wrong.
Akihiko found himself back on the mattress, several empty cans of beer on the floor beside him. His head was pounding, but he didn't care enough to do anything about it. He stared at the wall for a few hours, his heart jolting at any sudden sound; hoping it would be Ugetsu coming home.
Then he figured he probably wouldn't be coming home. He probably decided to go to the other guy's place instead. Akihiko wouldn't have been surprised anymore.
His entire body tensed as he heard the front door open and close, followed by the dropping of keys on the side and light footsteps coming down the stairs.
He held his eyes closed. He didn't want Ugetsu to start conversation.
Ugetsu sighed softly behind him, kicking off his shoes before laying beside him on the mattress. He poked Akihiko in the back, stifling a small laugh.
"You've had a lot of beer for someone so ill."
Akihiko didn't respond. He kept his back to Ugetsu, hoping he wouldn't press the problem.
Ugetsu scoffed, shuffling closer to him from behind. He buried his face into the back of Akihiko's neck, his leg curling around his hip.
"Thought you were with loverboy," Akihiko murmured, turning his head slightly. He only saw the bush of Ugetsu's hair, hoping the spite in his tone wasn't obvious.
"Jealous?" He hummed, pressing his heels into Akihiko's stomach.
"No," he grunted in response, turning his cheek back onto his pillow.
"I wanted to make sure you were okay," he said softly, lifting his head slowly to mess with the back of Akihiko's hair. "Seems like you are, though."
Akihiko cursed himself, eyeing up the empty cans beside him.
"But," Ugetsu sighed, resting his forehead back against the nape of Akihiko's neck. "I'll stay in for tonight anyway."
Akihiko couldn't silence his sigh of relief. It got a small chuckle out of Ugetsu.
"Sounds like someone's night just got a whole lot better," he teased.
"No," he muttered, his hand holding Ugetsu's thigh around his body. "Stay like this. Just a while longer."
Lifting his face, Ugetsu cocked his head to the side, resting his chin on Akihiko's shoulder. "You sure?"
"Sure," he grumbled, squeezing his eyes shut.
"Alright."
Ugetsu shuffled himself into a better position, grasping onto the back of Akihiko's shirt.
"We can't keep doing this, Akihiko," he whispered softly, tugging at the fabric.
"Just for tonight," he pleaded, his hand still holding Ugetsu's leg in place.
"How many more 'just for tonight's have we got left?" He laughed softly.
"Just for tonight," Akihiko grunted, leaning his body back into Ugetsu's with a small sigh.