Work Text:
Kuai Liang: My love, what would you like to be gifted as a housewarming gift?
Hanzo: If you want me to move into your temple it has to be something really warm.
Kuai Liang: No, I'm trying to pick a present for Sonya and Johnny.
Kuai Liang: But we will be coming back to that discussion.
Hanzo: This is a very different question. I doubt either of them would be happy with something I like.
Kuai Liang: Can you just help me?
Hanzo: Fine. Buy them a candle.
Kuai Liang: That's too basic, don't you think?
Hanzo: Kuai, you know I love your heart, but not every gift can be thoughtful and meaningful.
Hanzo: Sometimes you just gift person a candle.
Hanzo: Or a bath bomb.
Hanzo: Because there is no way in Netherrealm we will figure out what kind of expensive shit Johnny likes or whatever high-tech traps Sonya wants to install.
Kuai Liang: I still think we can do better than a candle.
Hanzo: Well, we can't gift bath bombs because Kenshi already bought them a set.
Kuai Liang: We could buy them a classy clock. With a bird.
Hanzo: Sonya will murder the mechanic bird after the first chirp. Next.
Kuai Liang: How about a painting?
Hanzo: The last time we've been at theirs Johnny boasted an original Vermeer.
Kuai Liang: Okay, then we could gift them something reminding of us.
Hanzo: You already gave them an incredibly expensive teapot set which was somehow “lost” during moving.
Kuai Liang: You know, come to think of it, candle is a fine present.
Kuai Liang: I'll get them a tea-scented one.
***
Hanzo: Kuai, dear, where did you buy that candle for Cage and Blade?
Kuai Liang: There was a charming young couple on the fair who makes them. Why?
Hanzo: No reason.
Hanzo: Say, is there any chance the fair is open today?
Kuai Liang: No, it’s only opened once a month.
Kuai Liang: Hanzo.
Kuai Liang: What did you do?
Hanzo: I may have gotten annoyed at Frost.
Hanzo: In the vicinity of the candle.
Kuai Liang: Oh.
Hanzo: We never had heat sensitive objects in the room before!
Kuai Liang: We did have one…
Hanzo: You promised not to bring it up.
Kuai Liang: Right.
Kuai Liang: Well then, just go and buy another candle.
Hanzo: I am not great at picking up presents. Can you come?
Kuai Liang: Raiden is visiting the temple today.
Hanzo: We can go tomorrow?
Kuai Liang: The party is tomorrow.
Hanzo: Shit.
Hanzo: Kuai.
Hanzo: Kuai please help.
Hanzo: There are too many candles.
Hanzo: I didn't know there can be so many candles.
Hanzo: And I have lived through my fair share of demon summonings.
Hanzo: No one ever summoned me with lavender-scented candles.
Kuai Liang: Deep breaths my love.
Kuai Liang: Just pick one you like the smell of.
Hanzo: I have been sniffing them for the last half an hour.
Hanzo: I think I lost my sense of smell.
Kuai Liang: Buy a big green candle.
Kuai Liang: I'm sure it will smell lovely.
Hanzo: Got it.
Hanzo: Update: candles don't like teleportation.
Hanzo: Got another one.
Hanzo: Don't wait up for me.
Hanzo: I will be hiking home.
Kuai Liang: Kenshi was right to pick bath bombs.