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Draco Malfoy paced the length of his living room, his fingers brushing through his platinum blond hair with a force that nearly hurt. The walls of his flat felt like they were closing in on him, oppressive and cold. The news about his father had settled like a lead weight in his chest, and no matter how many times he replayed the words in his mind, they didn’t feel any less heavy.
Lucius Malfoy was sick. Dying, slowly. And Draco wasn’t allowed to visit.
It felt like a final punishment - like the universe was determined to see how much more he could take before he broke completely. Like the universe was still punishing him for becoming a death eater all those years ago. Eventhough he only did that because Voldemort was threatening to kill his beloved mother and his father was to coward to do anything.
He hadn’t told anyone about the news from the lawyer yet. Not even Harry. Well, especially not Harry. The things between them were far too complicated for that. What Draco just did was far too complicated and cursed for that. Walking into Harry‘s office. Fucking Harry. Leaving him like that. But the worst part? Draco still wanted him, still craved the ease that Harry’s presence brought, even when everything else was falling apart.
That’s why he had called her.
The soft pop of apparition echoed through the room, and Draco turned to see Pansy Parkinson standing there, draped in her usual effortless elegance, her dark eyes sharp and assessing.
"Alright, Malfoy," she said, placing her hands on her hips. "What’s the emergency? You sounded like you were on the verge of a complete meltdown."
Draco sighed and flopped down onto the nearest armchair, throwing his head back to stare at the ceiling. "I’m spiraling, Pans. I don’t even know where to start."
Pansy’s heels clicked across the wooden floor as she moved towards him. "Well, considering you only ever call me when you’re in some kind of emotional crisis, I can guess this is about him again."
Draco groaned. "It’s not just Harry."
"Oh, don’t be coy, darling. We both know it always ends up being about Harry."
She dropped onto the sofa opposite him, crossing her legs elegantly and raising an eyebrow. Draco glanced at her, lips tightening. As much as he loved Pansy, she had an infuriating habit of getting straight to the point. There was no use pretending with her.
"My father’s ill," he admitted softly, the words like broken glass in his throat.
Pansy’s expression softened, a rare look of genuine concern flitting across her face. "Draco, I’m so sorry. That’s... that’s awful."
"And they won’t let me see him. My mother is trying to put an end to this ridiculous Azkaban visitation suspension. But… the court keeps setting us back." Draco‘s voice was trembling, he was glad, that he already sat down.
"Darling. I‘m so sorry. That‘s… just. I don‘t have any words. It‘s awful."
"It is," he murmured. "I don’t even know if he’s going to make it. Probably not. It‘s just a matter of time. I’m - " He swallowed hard, his voice betraying him. "I’m losing everything, Pans. I can’t even keep it together. I ran back to Harry like a fool. We... I don’t know what we’re doing anymore. We keep colliding. And… I felt like I lost control. I know it’s stupid, but it was the only thing that made me feel like I have any control left."
Pansy’s gaze sharpened at the mention of Harry. "You’re sleeping with him again?"
Draco nodded, avoiding her eyes. He already knew what her face would say. "It’s a mess. I know that."
"Draco." Pansy’s voice had that low, dangerous tone that usually preceded some hard-hitting truths. "This thing with Harry is toxic. You know it. He’s bad for you right now, and you’re bad for him. Look at what happened. He cheated on you, and instead of dealing with it, you both keep falling into bed like it’s some kind of solution."
Draco opened his mouth to argue, but she cut him off with a sharp wave of her hand.
"No. Listen to me. You think it’s control? It’s not. It’s self-destruction, and you know it. Every time you go back to him, you’re just prolonging the pain. You need to stop, Draco. You need to stop clinging to something that’s already over."
Her words hit him like a physical blow. His chest tightened, and for a moment, all he could do was stare at her, his mind racing to find some kind of defense, some justification for why he kept going back to Harry. But he couldn’t. Because deep down, he felt like Pansy might be right.
Pansy softened slightly, leaning forward. "Look, I’m not saying it’s easy. I know how much you loved him. Hell, maybe part of you still does. But love isn’t supposed to feel like this. It’s not supposed to make you feel like you’re losing yourself."
Draco dragged his hands down his face, sighing heavily. "So what do I do then? Because right now, it feels like I can’t breathe without him. And with everything else falling apart - my father, my family... I just don’t know how to be without him."
Pansy’s eyes flickered with sympathy, but there was a steely determination behind them. "You do what I always tell you to do - you move the hell on. You get back out there, you start seeing other people, and you remind yourself that there is more to life than Harry Potter."
He let out a hollow laugh. "Yeah, sure. Like it’s that easy."
"It’s not easy, but it’s necessary," she countered. "You need something else to focus on. Go out, have fun. Date. Meet someone who isn’t entangled in this mess of history and hurt. Someone who doesn’t make you feel like you’re constantly walking on a knife’s edge."
Draco looked at her skeptically. "And where exactly am I supposed to find someone like that?"
Pansy smirked, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Oh, darling, have a little faith. You’re still Draco Malfoy. You have charm, money, and a face that could stop traffic. You’ll find someone. Besides, I know a few people who would kill for a date with you."
He gave her a half-hearted smile. "Really?"
"Of course!" she said firmly. "You know what? I‘ll set you up. A co-worker of mine will be thrilled when I tell him, that you want to go on a date with him."
"I‘m not sure, Pans…" Draco hesitated, "Are you sure it will help?"
"Yes! It’ll help you remember who you are. Because this - " she gestured towards him, " - isn’t you. You’re not some lovesick puppy waiting for scraps. You’re Draco bloody Malfoy. You are my best friend and so arrogant and confident, that I wanted to strangle you on a regular basis all through Hogwarts. You just need to act like it again."
For the first time in what felt like weeks, Draco felt a flicker of something close to hope. Maybe Pansy was right. Maybe getting back out there, letting go of Harry, and starting fresh could help him find the control he was so desperately craving.
"Alright," he said slowly, exhaling. "I’ll try."
Pansy grinned, a proud glint in her eyes. "That’s my boy."
"Text that co-worker of yours please."
"I will." She stood up, smoothing her skirt as she did. "And now… Come on. Take your bestie for dinner. Get out of this flat. And we‘ll talk and laugh. You need to start somewhere."
Draco hesitated for a moment but then nodded. Maybe it was time to let go. Maybe it was time to be Draco Malfoy again, not just Harry’s ex-lover, lost and adrift.
***
Get back on the horse, Pansy said. Behave like Draco Malfoy again, she said. But she didn‘t explain how exhausting that would be. He would curse her once he survived this date.
Did she purposely set him up with the most boring co-worker she could think of?
He was really cute, of course. Nice dark brown eyes, pretty curly hair. He was Draco‘s type. But… He was so bloody boring.
"So… Rohan." Draco sighed "Pansy tried to explain to me how you two know eachother, but I didn‘t quite get it…" He politely laughed. Eventhough he just lied to Rohan‘s face. Draco totally got how his date knew his best friend. It was not complicated at all. He just needed the awkward silence to go away.
"It‘s not that complicated actually. "
You don‘t say? Draco thought and tried his best not to let his face speak what his brain thought.
"She got my job after I got promoted. So now I‘m in a new position. But we got to know eachother, because I had to teach her some stuff and explain the new routine and also…"
Draco got distracted be somebody passing the huge windows of the nice café they visited.
Was it?
Rohan had lost Draco completely as Draco suddenly made eye contact with his ex boyfriend Harry. His heart skipped a beat.
Draco tried focusing on Rohan and his seemingly endless monologue about boring work stuff, but it was damned, because Harry entered the café, nodded towards Draco and walked to the restroom.
"Will you excuse me, Rohan? I gotta got to the loo." Draco interrupted him and rose from his chair to quickly follow Harry.
Draco’s heart raced as he slipped away from the table. Leaving Rohan with such a lame excuse - a poor move for sure, but it hardly mattered now. Not with Harry there, not with the pull that had dragged him across the café and toward the bathroom like he was caught in some irresistible current.
He hesitated for the briefest moment outside the restroom door, hand hovering just above the wood. What the hell was he doing?
It didn’t matter that Pansy had practically shoved him out into the dating world, telling him to let go of Harry. It didn’t matter that he had promised himself - again and again - that this was over. When it came to Harry, logic ceased to exist. Draco was just a bundle of nerves and impulses, all tangled up in messy emotions that made him feel like he was sixteen and reckless again.
Before he could second-guess himself any further, he pushed trough the door, and there he was.
Harry.
Simply washing his hands.
A jolt of something - was it relief? Anger? Desire? - ran through Draco as their eyes met. Harry froze, the slight flicker of surprise on his face quickly masked by something cooler, more controlled. But those emerald eyes, still impossibly vivid behind those stupid glasses, gave him away.
Draco swallowed hard, his throat suddenly dry. "Harry."
Harry didn’t respond at first, his gaze sweeping over Draco, taking him in as if trying to make sense of why he was standing there. For a long moment, it was just the two of them, hanging in this charged silence, the sounds of the café muffled behind the door.
Finally, Harry’s lips twitched, but it wasn’t quite a smile. More like the ghost of one. "Draco."
There was something almost ironic in his voice, as if Harry had already predicted this moment -that, of course, Draco would follow him. As if they were still bound to each other by some invisible force neither of them could sever.
Draco felt his stomach twist. His voice was rough when he spoke. "What are you doing here?"
Harry shrugged, leaning back against the wall beside the sink, arms crossing over his chest. The movement was casual, but the tension in his shoulders told a different story. "Having coffee. Same as you, I suppose."
A dry laugh escaped Draco before he could stop it, bitterness creeping into his tone. "Coffee. Right."
Harry’s gaze sharpened at the sound, his posture stiffening. "And what about you, Draco? Seems like you’re a bit... distracted."
Draco’s pulse quickened at the barely-veiled accusation. This was always how it started - this back-and-forth, this pushing and pulling that led nowhere but straight into a mess. They were magnets, drawn together no matter how much damage they caused. He was sick of it, and yet, here he was, standing in a restroom, following Harry like some desperate, lovesick fool.
Draco took a breath, trying to steady himself. He needed to keep control. "I’m on a date, actually."
Harry blinked, his expression freezing for a second before something that looked almost like surprise crossed his face. "A date?"
"Yes." Draco’s voice was clipped, defensive. "Pansy set it up. She seems to think dating someone else might help me move on."
Harry’s jaw clenched, and Draco could see the tension ripple through him. "Move on."
Draco bristled at the way Harry said it, as if the very idea of Draco moving on was somehow absurd. "Yes."
The expression felt like lead on his tongue, heavy and painful, but he had to say it. For the both of them. He couldn’t keep tearing himself apart, couldn’t keep running back to Harry just because it was easier than being alone.
But Harry’s eyes darkened, the mask of coolness slipping away entirely. "Is that really what you want? To move on?" His voice was low, barely above a whisper, but there was something raw in it - something that pulled at the edges of Draco’s already frayed resolve.
Draco’s heart hammered in his chest. He didn’t want to admit it - not out loud, not to Harry, and certainly not to himself. But no matter how hard he tried to push Harry away, something inside him screamed that he didn’t want to. Not really. He wanted Harry, even if it destroyed him.
He swallowed, hating the way his voice shook when he finally answered. "I don’t know what I want anymore."
Harry took a step closer, closing the already small space between them. His gaze softened, and for a moment, he looked like the Harry Draco had fallen for all those years ago - vulnerable, messy, human. Draco didn‘t move. But Harry wasn’t backing down. He never did.
"I don’t-" Draco’s voice cracked, and he hated how weak he sounded. "I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Harry."
Harry’s eyes were intense, unwavering, and for a second, Draco thought he might crumble under their weight. But instead, Harry reached out, his fingers brushing lightly against Draco’s cheek - just a touch, but it was enough to set Draco’s skin on fire, enough to remind him of every moment they’d shared, every time they’d fallen apart and come back together.
"The question is… do you want to do this." ,Harry asked him.
Draco’s resolve wavered, teetering on the edge of something he wasn’t sure he could pull himself back from. He wanted to deny it, wanted to tell Harry that he was wrong - that Draco didn’t desperately wanted to kiss Harry right now.
His throat tightened, and when he finally spoke, his voice was barely a whisper. "Yes."
Harry’s fingers tightened at the back of Draco‘s head, and the tension in the air between them was thick, electric.
And just like that, Draco felt the last of his control slip away as he kissed Harry.
Draco‘s breath hitched as their lips collided. It wasn‘t the careful, tentative kiss of two people trying to find their way back to each other. It was raw and desperate, filled with all the unsaid words and unresolved emotions.
The kiss was electric, a jolt that sent sparks racing through Draco’s veins, igniting every nerve in his body. His hands found their way into Harry’s hair, pulling him closer, and for a moment, nothing else existed. Not the café, not the date, not even the terrible weight of his father’s impending death. It was just them, locked in this desperate, messy embrace.
Harry responded with equal fervor, his hands sliding around Draco’s waist, pulling him in like he was something precious - something Harry couldn’t bear to lose. It was overwhelming, intoxicating, and Draco let himself drown in it. For these few stolen seconds, he didn’t have to think. He didn’t have to feel anything but Harry.
But as the kiss deepened, a sharp stab of reality pierced through the haze. This wasn’t a solution. This was a bandage, a temporary fix for wounds that ran too deep. And when they finally pulled apart, breathless and flushed, the weight of everything came crashing back down.
Draco took a step back, his heart still racing, but now it felt more like panic than desire. "This…" he began, his voice shaky. "This doesn’t fix anything, Harry."
Harry’s eyes, dark with longing, flickered with frustration. "I know." His voice was hoarse, like he was struggling to keep his emotions in check. "But I don’t know how to stop wanting you." Harry again stepped closer to Draco and put his hands on Draco‘s chest, softly stroking the soft fabric of Draco‘s sweater.
Just as Harry leaned in again the door opened. Draco had totally forgotten that they were still in a public restroom.
"Dra-" Rohan stepped inside and his mouth stood wide open. "What is going on?"
Harry twitched and took a step back.
"Shit." ,Draco mumbled. But he saw in Rohan‘s eyes how hurt he was.
Rohan saw Draco‘s touseled hair, the swollen lips and glassy eyes.
"Well I guess the date is over. Thank you for the coffee, jerk."
"Roh-" Draco wanted to apologize. It was the least he could do. But Rohan was already gone.
Harry nervously chuckled.
"It‘s not funny, Harry." Draco said and rolled his eyes.
"I know, I‘m sorry!" Harry was still snickering, but tried his best to stop. Draco looked at him. He hadn‘t seen Harry carelessly laughing in such a long time. He stopped laughing even way before their breakup. Draco couldn‘t stop himself and he just laughed with Harry together. All the seriousness and restraint just falling off of them. After maybe a minute Draco sighed.
He ran a hand through his hair, trying to steady himself.
"We can’t keep doing this," he said, the words spilling out before he could stop them. "We keep falling back into each other, and it just… it hurts, Harry. It hurts every time."
Harry looked pained, like the words had physically struck him. "I know it does," he admitted quietly. "But I don’t know how to let you go."
For a moment, they just stood there, the weight of all their history hanging in the air between them. The bathroom door was a thin barrier from the outside world, but in here, it felt like they were in their own bubble - one filled with unresolved tension, unspoken words, and too many mistakes.
Draco shook his head, the ache in his chest making it hard to breathe. "We can’t keep doing this."
Harry’s jaw tightened, but he didn’t argue. Instead, he just stared at Draco, something like desperation flickering in his eyes. "I know we can’t," he whispered, "but what if I’m not ready to stop?"
Draco felt a lump rise in his throat. "We don’t have a choice, Harry. We’re destroying each other. We are bad for each other."
The silence between them was suffocating, but Draco forced himself to meet Harry’s gaze. He could see the conflict there, the same war Draco had been fighting with himself for the last month or so. And in that moment, he realized how deeply they were entangled-not just in each other, but in everything they had gone through together. It wasn’t just love that kept pulling them back together - it was history, pain, trauma. Everything.
"I’m sorry," Draco murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. "But I can’t keep going through this. I can’t keep losing myself like this."
Harry’s eyes softened, and for a moment, Draco thought he saw a flicker of something like understanding. But then Harry’s expression hardened again, and he took a step back, his arms dropping to his sides.
"Fine," he said, his voice tight. "If that’s what you want."
Draco felt his heart clench painfully, but he nodded. "It’s what we both need."
Harry didn’t say anything else. He just gave Draco one last, long look - one filled with so much emotion that Draco almost couldn’t bear it - before turning and walking out of the bathroom, leaving Draco standing there, alone.
For a moment, Draco just stood there, staring at the closed door, trying to process what had just happened. His mind was spinning, his heart aching, but there was a part of him that knew this was the right choice. They couldn’t keep doing this. They couldn’t keep hurting each other, no matter how much they wanted to hold on.
With a heavy sigh, Draco ran a hand over his face and turned toward the sink, gripping the edge tightly as he stared at his reflection. His face was flushed, his lips still tingling from the kiss, but his eyes… his eyes looked tired. Worn out. Like he had aged years in just a few moments.
Pansy was right. He needed to move on. He needed to let go of Harry, no matter how much it hurt. Because this… this wasn’t love anymore. It was just pain.
With a deep breath, Draco straightened up and walked back toward his date. It wasn’t easy, and every step felt like a battle against the urge to run after Harry. But he didn’t.
He had made his choice. It was time to live with it.