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stelle stared. and stared, and stared some more, feeling… well, not feeling anything, really. maybe she should've, in retrospect. though, all things considered, it was for the best that she didn’t. who knows what would've happened if she felt worse.
her bat hung from her hand limply. the bat given to her by her- what were they, now? she considered them her family, but… were they really? if she had a biological mother, and didn't just… spawn randomly? what even was family? was it who you shared dna with? can you choose it? is family just an arbitrary role assigned to people who share a fraction of dna? is family the people who raised you? maybe it’s just a word? a societal construct?
word or not, construct or not, it seemed that she had it. it seemed that she had a mother (in nearly every sense of the word- someone she shared dna with, someone who raised her, someone who contributed to her existence in this world) and a twin. an identical twin. whose existence she didn't know about until this very moment. she could almost feel the ground cracking beneath her, ready to swallow her whole.
she stared at the person who looked like her, with hair half as short as hers. same eyes, same dull, gray hair, same confused expression- she swallowed a lump in her throat and finally, opened her mouth, regaining her ability to speak. “who are you?”
her twin hesitated for a moment, body tense, legs spread apart in a firm stance- ready to either bolt or fight. he opened his mouth, remaining silent for what felt like an eternity before speaking. “..caelus.”
she nearly laughed out loud. how utterly fucking fitting. stelle and caelus. the star and the sky. her stomach churned, and something rose in her throat, almost like bile. her gaze turned to kafka, standing next to her twin with that same, empty expression on her face, and stelle wanted to scream. scream and yell and cry, until her vocal chords snapped under the pressure.
“you. you- you fucking left me.”
kafka remained as silent and cool as ever, lips turned up into a smile that didn't reach her eyes. it never did.
“you said- you even fucking said, you are my mother, and you left me to a group of random people! you planted the magical girl equivalent of a ticking time bomb into me, and left me!” her vision blurred, and her throat and nose stung, hands shaking even as she clenched them into fists.
“i know nothing- nothing! about this thing inside me! and you just left me with a bunch of strangers! they don't know anything either! but- but he-”
she raised her hand, still wrapped around her bat, and pointed it at caelus.
“he stayed! you let him stay! you didn't abandon him! you let him into your little group of motherfucking SPACE COWBOYS!”
the bat was swinging around wildly, her hands gesturing angrily, as if her body had forgotten what to do with itself, as lost as she was.
“he knows everything! he remembers you! he got to keep his god-fucking-damned memories, and i fucking DIDN’T! WHY?”
she could see caelus shift on his spot, his posture turning more defensive, his hands clenching and unclenching, as if he didn't know what to do, either. he looked about as lost as she felt, staring at her warily. fearful, almost.
she didn't care.
“i’ve felt something missing, this whole time, and all the time, it was you! it was my- my mother! my fucking mom, who left me to go be a space cowboy! to go follow some kind of freak who thinks he can see the future!”
she heard footsteps behind her, someone calling her name.
“why did he get to stay, and i didn't? why does he get a FUCKING MOM, AND I DON’T?”
“yo, you two. time to go.”
a hologram of silver wolf appeared. stelle felt her anger deflate like a balloon, something akin to desperation taking its place. sadness, frustration, despair taking root, an ugly and terrible feeling that made her think she’s lost her mind.
kafka waved at her.
“see you next time, stelle.”
she nearly leaped after kafka, throwing herself to her death, only for a warm embrace to stop her. a hug. tight and fearful, yet gentle, so terrifyingly unfamiliar, yet comforting all the same. the hands around her, which she only now registered as her twin’s, didn't let up until she relaxed. with a murmured apology, a promise of return and a kiss to her hair, the embrace was gone, and caelus was leaping after kafka into nothingness.
she stood there in silence, hot tears streaming down her face. left behind once more. abandoned as the day she appeared in herta’s station with no explanation or past to remember. left with some answers, yet even more questions. she wanted to follow them, to cry out, to scream and kick until they returned, just so she didn't have to deal with this aching emptiness she couldn't get rid of for months after kafka left her for the nameless to find.
instead, she gazed silently into the abyss, throat raw from yelling and a headache forming.
she could feel the stellaron in the back of her mind, thrumming with energy. she almost heard it ticking.
like a time bomb, a parting gift from her mother.
“stelle?”
himeko, she thought, trying to ignore the humming in her ears. a high pitched frequency only she could hear- welt said it was tinnitus, with a far too worried look on his face. it took her a while before she figured out that it was her stellaron resonating with the one she was near. she didn't tell anyone she knew, but it seemed that welt has figured out she did. he’s been fussing over her more, recently. she briefly wondered why that was.
“stelle, are you with us?”
she turned around, looking at himeko and mr welt with a miserable, blank expression. she couldn't even muster up a smile, a lie, a joke to break the somber atmosphere looming over all three of them. mr welt stood next to her, with a hand on her shoulder. “let’s go back to the train. the others can deal with the stellaron.”
“i want to sleep.”
“alright.”