Work Text:
Adathan stands just outside of Brewed Awakening, hand fidgeting with a lock of his hair as he scans the people walking by. A moment passes before he spots a familiar face – his favorite familiar face.
“Li!”
A head turns on an almost perfect swivel - akin to an owl - and Adathan watches as the expression of the other turns into an instant smile, an instinctual light pink dusting his ears. An elf, clad in the dignified robes of his school approaches him, greeting him with a quick kiss on the cheek. He reaches out to take the other’s hand, and it fits almost perfectly with Adathans - a product of years of touch.
“Good day so far?” Adathan asks, guiding them inside, straight to the table they had sat in everyday, after they had completed their respective duties – the furthest spot to the left, all the way in the back.
“It was alright. You won’t believe the idiots I had to deal with.”
“Well, it makes sense for a future grand scholar.” Adathan presses a quick kiss to the other’s hand before resting them on the table.
“We don’t know that yet, Adathan.” Lianthorn idly traces over his hand, looking more at the table than at him.
“It’s your dream, Li. You’re the most driven man I know.”
Lianthorn huffs out a weak rebuttal, shaking his head softly. “No need for the flattery, I concede..”
Adathan watches him with a soft grin, free hand tapping the table.
“Speaking of dreams, I wanted to talk to you.”
“Oh?” Lianthorn leans forward a little, watching him with mild curiosity.
There’s a hint of a playful smile on the elf’s face. They had talked about dreams before – usually Adathan explaining what he had dreamt of and Lianthorn explaining it to him. It wasn’t an uncommon concept, at least in one sense.
“I want to adopt.”
A silence falls over the two and Lianthorn’s brow furrows. This was clearly not what he had expected.
“A pet?”
“A child.” Adathan fidgets with a ring on his finger, suddenly nervous. “It’s all I’ve ever thought about since I left the orphanage. It plagues me every night to think that someone could be going through what I went through.”
“Adathan-” Lianthorn pinches the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes with mild frustration.
“Li. This is my dream.”
Lianthorn shakes his head. “I can’t be a father, Adathan.”
“You don’t have to be - it would be enough just to have you with me.” Adathan’s pleas fall on deaf ears, the elf continuing to shake his head.
“But you’ll be different.”
“What does that matter?” Adathan frowns. “I’ll still be me, dear.”
Lianthorn stares at him. Blankly. Minutes pass in silence as Lianthorn processes this. Adathan feels like his world is threatening to fall apart. Finally, he speaks, tone curt, and cold, and calculated.
“You finally have that freedom you wanted so bad, beloved. And now you want to throw it away? I love you, but you play your role too well. I would never see you without that kid being there.”
His words are, in a way, true. Adathan would devote himself wholly to his child – it was his nature. But he can’t see why that matters. He wants both things. Lianthorn watches as Adathan’s expression shifts, shaking his head softly.
“I can be both.” Hands clasp almost desperately onto Lianthorn’s, watching him with a look of desperation.
“You can’t, Adan.”
“I can. I made it through everything so far. We can make it through this.”
Adathan feels almost exhausted as he looks at the other, shaking his head. The hustle bustle of the tavern seems to melt away, as the man can’t take his eyes off the elf.
“We can’t, though. You know it. I know it. We are too stubborn for this. You will play the role of the father – perfectly, I’m sure – but I will never see you again. We will cross paths between my courses and your errands and that would be it. Our beds will always be emptier than they were before.”
Adathan tries to stifle the choked feeling in his throat. He tries to fight the drowning weight of grief – mourning something he hasn’t even lost yet. Lianthorn frees his hands from Adathan’s grip, tucking them under the table. As if his mind was made up and he had already burned their bridge. When did they agree to give up so easily?
“If you settle down, my beloved, it won’t be with me.” Lianthorn concludes, face frozen in a small, thoughtful frown.
“But-”
Adathan can’t speak, watching the other. So this was it. Four years of Adathan’s life, on the brink of ending. A part of him can’t give up what he has – the blissful escape that he had fallen into with Lianthorn - but he promised he would attempt to stop this cycle. Either way, he would betray a part of himself.
“I love you.” His voice is weak when he finally is able to talk again.
Lianthorn shakes his head. “But you won’t pick me.”
“Because we can make this work - I shouldn’t have to pick.”
Lianthorn stands, stepping away from the table. “I know you, Adan. Better than anyone. We know you will always pick. And you are so.. Good and Selfless that you would pick everyone in the world before you did one thing for yourself.”
Adathan can only manage a stifled sob in response, shaking his head.
“I’ll make this easy for you. Goodbye, Adathan.”
Before Adathan can respond Lianthorn has already turned, raising the hood of his robe as he leaves. He does not wave goodbye to Sirsius, like he normally does when they leave. He does not blow Adathan a kiss before disappearing from sight. He does not pay Adathan any mind, leaving without glancing back.
Adathan sits there, alone now at the table as tears finally wrench themselves free from his eyes. It takes him a minute, shaking his head as he tries to steady his resolve.
It seems he had a new role to fill.