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Alex was 16, and he was in love with his best friend.
It was a recent revelation– a kinda scary one as well, if he was being honest. But it was true. He and Henry had gotten off to a rocky start, but eventually overcame their initial misunderstandings and had become extremely close. Closer than Alex ever was with Nora and Liam, close in a way that had him questioning things about himself he’d never thought to question before. June and Nora had helped prod him along to the realization, but it was Alex alone who took the last plunge. Henry had given him an innocent kiss on the cheek after Alex gave him a ride home, and Alex’s life flashed before his eyes. He was so fucking bisexual. And so fucking in love with Henry.
Ever since that day, Alex had been buzzing with energy, barely able to keep it inside. He was fairly confident he had a shot with Henry. June and Nora’s teasing aside, Alex noticed things more after recognizing his feelings. He noticed how Henry blushed when he called him pet names, like baby and sweetheart. He noticed how Henry politely turned down others who were interested in him, and noticed his silent relief when Alex did the same. He noticed the longing glances, the shy smiles, the lingering touches. Yeah, Alex was pretty fucking sure that Henry felt the same. Now he just had to find a way to tell him.
It was stupid, but Alex didn’t know if he had the courage to just say it outright. He didn’t really think Henry would reject him, but… it was fucking scary, pouring your heart out like that to someone. What if he panicked? What if he started hyperventilating in front of Henry, and looked like a complete idiot? No, confessing in person was out. But what else was there? A letter might be a nice gesture– but no, it was Henry who had a way with words, not Alex. He’d just embarrass himself. He could send Henry flowers? Too cliche. Text him? Way too cowardly and unromantic. …Make him a playlist? Yeah. Yeah, Alex could do that. Right?
He and Henry traded music recommendations back and forth semi-frequently already. They had different tastes, but managed to find some common ground here and there, and Henry was always receptive to trying new things. It was the perfect plan- he’d spell out a message for Henry using songs.
What could go wrong?
FOUR YEARS LATER
Around 10 PM, Alex finally arrives back at his and Henry’s shared apartment. “I’m going to set myself on fire,” he proclaims to an amused Henry, who was sitting on the couch watching Bake Off. Henry snorts, pausing the TV.
“Date didn’t go well, I take it?”
“That’s the thing, Henry. It did! It did go well!” Henry raises a questioning eyebrow. “Don’t give me that look, H. We had a lovely dinner. We had a great conversation, I blabbed about law and she seemed genuinely interested. She told me about her experience with art school and her family.”
“I’m sensing a but here.”
“But at the end of our date, after I’d walked her home, she said she’d had a lovely time, and tried to get over it, but I just wasn’t her type. I asked her how so, and she couldn’t explain it.” Alex sighs, flopping down on the couch next to Henry. “I’m never anyone’s fucking type.”
Henry makes a strange choking noise, then clears his throat. “That’s not true, Alex.”
“It is, though,” He grumbles. “I’m never good enough for anyone.”
Henry looked upset at Alex’s words. “You’re good, Alex. You’re so good. It’s not your fault that others can’t see that.” Others, he says. Like he doesn’t fit right into that club of people Alex isn’t good enough for. It kinda stings. “Someone will come along who appreciates you, who sees your passion, your kindness, your goodness . It just wasn’t meant to be with this girl,” Henry says with a sad smile.
“Yeah, yeah,” Alex mumbles. “I know. It just… it just hurts,” he sighs. Henry gives him a pitying rub on the shoulder. “I haven’t been this cut up about a rejection since you rejected me in 11th grade,” Alex jokes. Enough time has passed, surely he can joke about it now, right? Henry doesn’t need to know the part about Alex never truly moving on.
But instead of the chuckle or eye-roll that Alex expected in response, Henry freezes, before slowly turning to face Alex. “Since I… what?”
Alex scoffs, a bit hurt that Henry doesn’t seem to remember. “C’mon man. That stupid playlist I made you…”
Henry shakes his head, looking stricken. “Alex, I assure you I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Alex makes a frustrated noise, throwing his hands up in the air. “The playlist! Where I spelled out how I was in love with you, and you responded, saying— saying we didn’t fit, that I wasn’t your type.”
“Wha- I-“ Henry stutters, completely lost. “Alex. Alex, I need you to show me this playlist. I have no clue what you’re talking about.”
Alex shoots him a glare that makes Henry wither, too blindsided by his own hurt to recognize Henry’s genuine confusion. “Find it yourself. Nice to know it meant that little to you,” he spits, before stalking to his room and slamming the door.
God, why couldn’t anyone ever want him?
——
Back in the living room, Henry’s mind was reeling. In love with him? Alex had been in love with him ? It made no sense. Even if Alex had ever had feelings for Henry, the notion that Henry would ever reject him was preposterous.
With shaking hands, Henry desperately searches his message history with Alex for a playlist, sifting through several he’d been sent over the years, until he stutters to a stop on one. Henry, the first song was called. He opens the playlist and his heart promptly drops into his stomach.
…Christ. Jesus fucking Christ . Henry had been served everything he’d ever dreamed of on a silver platter, and he’d sent the waiter away without a second glance. How could he have missed this? He must've just listened to the songs and not spared a glance at the titles. What had he even said in response? He scrolls down in his messages, and what he sees makes him feel sick.
‘Thanks for sharing, but the songs seem… a little all over the place? They don’t exactly fit together. But it’s not my type of music anyways, so perhaps I’m not the best critic.’
Bloody hell .
Alex had taken that as… some kind of covert, cowardly, rejection. Saying they didn’t fit. That… that Alex wasn’t his type. The thought made Henry want to cry. If he’d realized, he never would have been so callous. He had been so desperately in love with Alex at the time. Truthfully, he still was, but the heartache at not being truly his had dulled to manageable levels. He had long since accepted that he would take what he could get with Alex, and stop foolishly wishing for more. His friendship was more than enough. But back then… they could’ve been more? Alex had wanted to be more?
He had to make this right. But how? Alex had certainly already moved on, it was too late now. Wasn’t it?
But even if it was… maybe Alex deserved an act of bravery in return.
——
The next morning, Alex feels like shit. God, why did he have to go and remind Henry of his stupid feelings? He had clearly put it behind him, like Alex should’ve a long time ago. But now he’d pushed it into the forefront of Henry’s mind… What if he wasn’t as forgiving this time? What if this is what finally pushed him away, made him leave for good?
There's a ding from his phone on his bedside table, and Alex groggily reaches out to grab it. It was a text from Henry that contained… a link to a playlist? Alex stares in disbelief. Surely Henry wouldn’t be cruel enough to mock Alex’s feelings. But what else could this be…? Alex hesitantly clicks on the link.
Alex is… fucking floored. He bolts up from his bed, pacing back and forth. Before he could even attempt to process what he’d seen, there was a rap on his bedroom door.
“Alex? Can I come in?” Henry asks softly.
“Y-yeah,” Alex croaks, suddenly feeling incapable of speech. Henry enters the room cautiously, as if Alex was a wild animal he might scare off.
“Alex, I owe you an explanation. I don’t know if you’ve seen my text, but-”
“Yep. Saw it.” Alex’s voice came out unnaturally high.
“Then you know how I feel. But I think I owe it to you to put it into words, too.” Henry inhaled deeply. “I messed up, Alex. Badly. Last night, I went through the playlist again. I didn’t get it back then—hell, I barely even gave it a proper listen because I thought it was just... another one of our music trades. I didn’t understand the message you were trying to send me.” Henry looked down, his fingers fidgeting with his ring. “If I had known, I would’ve said something. I would’ve told you I felt the same way.”
Alex blinks rapidly, his heart hammering in his chest. Was this real? “You… I… really?” he manages weakly.
Henry nods quietly and meets his eyes, his voice thick with emotion. “I was in love with you too, Alex. I still am. I know I’ve probably lost my chance. I can’t expect you to have held onto a high school crush. But I never stopped wanting you.”
Alex stares for another long moment, before letting out a short, incredulous laugh, running his hands through his hair. “Jesus, Henry, why didn’t you say anything?”
Henry shrugs miserably. “I never thought you could feel the same way. And I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. Alex, you’re the most important person in the world to me. I couldn’t lose you over something as stupid as this.”
“It’s not stupid!” Alex shoots back. “It’s not stupid at all. God, Henry, we… we’ve wasted so much time.”
A treacherous flicker of hope springs to life in Henry’s chest at the words. “Alex… do you mean… does that mean…?”
“Yes, I still love you, you idiot,” Alex smiles, tears forming in his eyes. At those words, Henry rushes to embrace Alex, pulling him to his chest in a desperate hug.
“Alex…” He whispers in awe.
“Henry… God, I’ve spent years thinking you didn’t want me. That I wasn’t good enough for you,” Alex tearfully confesses.
Henry pulls back abruptly, gripping Alex tightly by the shoulders. “No. God, no, Alex, you’ve always been more than enough. You’re amazing. You’re everything .”
Alex beamed. “No, you’re my everything, baby.”
Henry groans, but with a wide smile on his face. “Shut up.”
“Make me.”
Henry does just that, finally leaning in to crash their lips together. It’s not exactly the romantic setting Alex had ever envisioned for their first kiss, but screw it, it’s perfect. It’s Henry , any kiss with him was bound to be pretty fucking perfect. They kiss for what feels like an eternity, but as they finally break away, Alex can’t help but think it was too short. He gives Henry a dopey, lovestruck grin.
“Wouldn’t mind doing that again.”
“Quite.”
“So.. does this make us…” Alex trails off.
“I would love to be your boyfriend. If you’d be amenable to that,” Henry states boldly.
“Yeah, I’d be pretty fuckin’ amenable, sweetheart,” Alex beams, before diving in for another kiss.
And this time, when their lips met, there was no misunderstanding, no missed signals– just the quiet, certain feeling that they were exactly where they were meant to be.