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“Ryoma, you look..”
The words pop out of Shuichi’s mouth before he can even think of catching them.
Ryoma’s gaze flickers over to him. A cigarette twists in his fingers.
“Bad? Thanks, I know.”
It’s true, though. Ryoma looks and sounds completely exhausted. Even with his hat pulled down a little lower than usual, there's no hiding the dark circles under his drooping eyes.
That, and he was nodding off where he stood.
“Did something happen last night?”
It’s enough to make Shuichi concerned. Almost all for Ryoma’s wellbeing, of course, but the tiniest voice in the back of his head has to pipe up.
Could he have.. ?
He goes over the question almost immediately after he thinks about it. He works it out in his mind, sorting out the details quickly. It’s like a neat little checklist in his mind, bullet-point after bullet-point.
All of us were present this morning, so he couldn’t have killed anyone during the night-time. Unless he was preparing something? But, if anything had been noticed it more than likely would have already been brought to our attention. He could have hidden it, but where?
Then, he pauses.
What am I doing?
He has no real reason to suspect Ryoma of anything, especially only based on the fact that he looks exhausted. Maybe the Killing Game–maybe the last class trial–was getting under his skin more than he th–
“– me.”
Ryoma’s voice snaps him out of his thoughts.
“Ah– I’m sorry, what’d you say?”
Ryoma had been speaking and he wasn’t even paying attention!
“Why’d you come talk to me if you aren’t even gonna listen? That’s really uncool.” Ryoma asks, irritated, and Shuichi feels more than a little guilty now.
“I-I’m sorry, really, I am.. I just got lost in thought for a second. I’m listening now, I promise.” Shuichi says, and after a moment, the corners of Ryoma’s mouth twitches up in a little smile.
“Whenever you’re around me, you're always either in my business or up in space.. You’re such a strange guy.” Ryoma hums, but there’s no more irritation in his voice. He sounds.. Pretty fond, actually.
It makes Shuichi smile.
“You say that, but.. Who’s really the strange one? The one who does that.. or the one who lets him?”
That’s something she would say, he thinks.
She liked Ryoma a lot. He hopes it’d make her happy, seeing the two of them talking like this.
More importantly (for now), it makes Ryoma happy. He dips his head and a little laugh leaves his mouth.
“You can’t just turn this back around on me, you know. It’s not like I haven’t tried convincing you to go elsewhere.”
“Ah, well.. I can’t help it if I have fun talking with you..”
Ryoma pauses at that, gazing down at the floor wistfully. He’s quiet for a moment, just enough time to make Shuichi begin to wonder if he’s said something wrong, before he speaks again.
“Perhaps, since you’re not getting it, I’ll have to start chasing you off with a broom.” He says, face darkening and eyes widening.
The idea is plausible, he guesses, but imagining it is silly enough to make Shuichi laugh.
“H-Hey, wait-! You wouldn’t do that..”
Ryoma’s expression hasn’t changed, though, and it makes him pause for the briefest moment.
“.. Would you?”
That does it for Ryoma. He laughs, too, his scary expression gone in a flash. Shuichi breathes a sigh of relief, the smile returning to his face.
“That desperate look you had.. That really was something else.” Ryoma says, placing the cigarette back between his teeth. “I don’t have the energy to fight it today, so.. I guess I’ll forgive you for now.”
“Ah.. Thank you. I’m sorry, again, for not listening the first time.”
“I already said I forgive you. You shouldn’t go around apologizing to a guy like me, anyways.”
“Well, it was rude regardless.. But, uh..”
They had gotten very off-topic.
“Is everything alright, Ryoma? You do look exhausted..”
Ryoma sighs. Was he hoping to avoid this conversation?
“You really shouldn’t be that concerned about me, either. How many times will I have to tell you not to bother?”
“B-But, you’re..”
“You’ve got way more important things to worry over than me.”
Shuichi frowns, then takes a step forward. “Well, you’re my friend.. It’s only natural to be worried, especially when you look so tired..”
Ryoma laughs once, then looks away for a moment. “No matter how many times I hear it, I just can’t believe it. To consider a guy like me your friend..”
He sighs, then. “I suppose you have your reasons for wanting to know. I wasn’t up to anything fishy, if that’s something you were worried about.”
“Then, what was keeping you awake..?”
“I get night terrors.” Ryoma says simply. “The ones from last night just happened to be bad. So I lost sleep over it.”
Night terrors? That.. made a lot of sense, actually, given what Ryoma’s told him in the past. Shuichi feels guilty, again, for suspecting him, even if it was just for a moment. It’s not like he can’t relate. If it hadn’t been for Kaito’s training wearing him out, he’d definitely still be lying awake every night, hating himself.
Maybe, like Kaito did for him, he could find some way to help Ryoma..?
It was a little more complex than just tiring Ryoma out enough to get him to stop thinking, though. Night terrors were psychological. They’d show up no matter how tired you were.
Maybe , Shuichi thinks to himself, if Ryoma felt safe, it’d be easier for him to go back to sleep afterwards?
Shuichi suddenly has an idea. Not one he’s entirely sure will even get off the ground, but an idea regardless.
“Ah, Ryoma.. If someone were with you while you slept, do you think it would help..?” He asks.
Ryoma looks very caught off guard. “What are you asking me?”
“How do I word this..” Shuichi has to think for a moment, slender fingers curling around his chin. “.. You can’t go back to sleep afterwards because you’re scared, right? W-Well, if there was someone with you to reassure you, maybe..”
His voice trails off. Ryoma is staring at him, expression unreadable.
“And who, exactly, do you think would be willing to do that?” Ryoma asks, a little bitter.
“Well.. If you wanted, I-I could–”
“Are you really that foolish?” Ryoma interrupts him before he can even finish.
It’s quiet for a second, the air heavy.
“.. What do you mean?” Shuichi asks in return.
“You’re offering to sleep in the same room as a murderer . In the middle of a killing game . You really don’t see anything wrong with that?”
Admittedly, Ryoma has a point. If it had been anybody else, except for maybe Kaede, he definitely wouldn’t have offered.
But at the same time..
“I.. don’t really think you’d do anything to hurt me, though.” Shuichi explains. “Otherwise I wouldn’t have offered. If I was found dead in your room, after we all went to sleep, well..”
“It’d be pretty obvious.” Ryoma finishes. “And what if I moved your body somewhere else?”
“If you killed me in your room while I slept, there’d still be signs of a struggle. Blood, or my clothes.. Unless you were able to move me out before you did, which would take a lot of effort just to not wake me up. Effort that.. It really doesn’t look like you have right now.”
Ryoma is silent for another moment, then finally speaks once again.
“You’re really putting all this thought into it, huh? Why?”
“I.. know how you feel. I was having trouble sleeping, too, after.. The first class trial.”
Ryoma nods once in understanding. Shuichi takes it as permission to keep talking.
“Kaito found something that really helped me with that. And, if I could do something like that for you.. I’d be really happy..”
“But why? Why go through all the trouble for someone like m–”
Shuichi is getting a little tired of repeating himself.
“Because, you’re my friend, Ryoma!” Shuichi says suddenly. “That day, when we played together in your research lab, I made up my mind about it. When I told you I wanted to stay by your side, I meant it! And this,”
Without thinking, he’s kneeling down and taking Ryoma’s hand. It’s small in his, but rough and strong all the same. He squeezes it for a moment.
“Is what friends do. We take care of each other. I couldn’t go to sleep knowing that you were scared, or felt alone.. And if you keep staying up like this, it’ll ruin your health. I don’t want to see you that way. So, whether you like it or not, I’m here for you now. I won’t blame you if you decline my offer, but at least try to see why I brought it up in the first place.”
Ryoma stares at him again, frozen in place. It’s a long pause this time, thickening the air around them.
“You’re too good at leaving me at a loss for words.” Ryoma says quietly, looking down at their hands. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get used to it.”
“I’m sorry” is all Shuichi can say. He holds onto Ryoma’s hand for a little longer before slowly letting it go and standing upright.
Ryoma sucks his hands into his pockets, looking away from Shuichi to nothing in particular.
“.. I don’t need a lecture from you.” He says after another quiet moment. “But.. If you happen to show up at my door later on tonight.. I suppose I won’t chase you off with a broom.”
Shuichi smiles. It’s as close to a “yes” as he’ll ever get.
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
Ryoma walks off after that, and Shuichi returns to his room.
He supposes, if this is going to happen, then he’d better get as ready as he can for this impromptu sleepover.
It’s past the night-time announcement when Shuichi finally rings Ryoma’s doorbell, arms filled with the blankets he’d dragged off his bed. His limbs– no, his whole body– feel heavy with exhaustion. As much as he’s ready to fall over in bed, he did tell Ryoma he’d stay with him tonight. It takes a minute or two for Ryoma to answer, but soon enough, his door is opening and there he stands, eyes struggling to stay open.
“I was starting to think you weren’t gonna show.” Ryoma says, voice thick with sleep. “Come on in, then.”
Shuichi nods in thanks and steps in, taking his shoes off near the door.
“Ah, I can sleep in the chair, if you want. Or on the floor..” He offers, gesturing with the bundle of cloth in his arms.
“Wouldn’t both of those be really uncomfortable?” Ryoma asks, climbing back into his bed.
“W-Well, I wouldn’t just take up your space like that..”
Ryoma is quiet for a moment. Then, after a moment, he speaks up again. “Come on.”
Shuichi pauses. “H-Huh?”
“Since we’re both boys, it should be fine. You can sleep up here with me. Just don’t get any ideas.”
“But..”
“I had assumed it was what you meant when you first offered, anyways. I wouldn’t have accepted it if I hated the idea.”
After a moment’s deliberation, Shuichi piles the additional blankets onto the bed, then joins Ryoma under them.
The presence next to him is a little off-putting at first, but his body relaxes into the bed and the thought is shooed away from his mind. It’s warm now, thanks to the additional blankets and their combined body heat. He barely has enough time to exchange goodnights with Ryoma before his eyes are shut and sleep has claimed him.
Something is pressing firmly into his chest.
The uncomfortable feeling is enough to rouse him from sleep. His eyes are bleary when he opens them, but he snaps awake when his brain registers what’s happening and panics briefly. His memory comes flooding back to him, though, along with the feeling of Ryoma’s elbow pressing into his chest.
It takes him a moment to wiggle away just enough to be out of elbow room. Once he does, he sits up and looks down to the sleeping figure beside him.
Even in the dark, he can tell Ryoma is not sleeping well. His brows are furrowed and his jaw clenched, hands twitching and balling into fists.
Lucky that he was only getting elbowed and not punched.
Although it was his idea in the first place, he isn’t quite sure where to go beyond this point. He’d hoped just being there would help, at least a little, but of course that wouldn’t actually be the case.. That would be too easy.
Maybe waking Ryoma would be a good start.
He reaches out and puts his hand lightly on Ryoma’s shoulder, giving it a little shake.
“Ryoma, wake up.”
He shakes him again with no result. Then, he shakes him again, a little firmer this time.
Quicker than Shuichi’s tired mind can comprehend, Ryoma grabs his wrist. His nails bite into his skin, the vice-like grip sending a dull ache through his skin and into his bones.
Shuichi gasps, startled, and suddenly he’s trapped in a staring contest.
Ryoma’s eyes stare into his, wide and terrified. His breath comes out in short, shaky pants.
Just what had he been dreaming about?
Shuichi can take a guess.
Ryoma lets go of his wrist, shame intermingling with the fear on his face. He sits up, burying his face in his hands and sighing.
“You’d better go, Shuichi.” He says, voice hoarse.
“Ah, but—”
“ Please .”
There’s a long, pregnant pause. Shuichi doesn’t know what to say. Ryoma hasn’t even looked up at him.
He can’t just leave him like this..
Slowly, but surely, he scoots a little closer.
“Ryoma,” He warns softly. “I’m, uh.. gonna put my arm around you, ok? Y-You can push me off whenever you want.”
His arm comes up around Ryoma’s shoulder and the initial contact makes him flinch . If it was that bad.. no wonder he was so exhausted.
“I’m not gonna leave you here on your own. Especially not when you’re scared.” He tells him.
“I hurt you. I knew that was going to happen and I let you in here anyways.” Ryoma replies.
“It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have startled you.”
“And I shouldn’t have hurt you.”
“Well. We.. can call it even, then. It’s not like you broke my wrist or anything, anyways.”
“But I could have.”
“But, you didn’t.”
Ryoma has leaned into Shuichi ever-so-slightly. Shuichi takes that as a sign that the contact is helping.
“Do you want to talk about the dream you had?” He asks quietly.
“No.” Ryoma says. It’s all Shuichi needs to hear.
“Want to lay back down?”
“Are you going to leave?”
“No.”
He thinks Ryoma is finally getting the message, because he lets him pull him back down onto the bed and into a comfortable position. He goes to pull his arm away, but Ryoma grabs it once again, this time much gentler.
“Sorry, but.. just for a little while longer. Please.”
He doesn’t have to be told twice.
After a little bit of fidgeting and shifting around, he settles onto his side, with his head tucked right in the crook of Ryoma’s neck. Ryoma’s arms are around his shoulders, and his arm is draped around his middle.
He feels safe and warm. The sound of slow, steady breathing tells him that Ryoma feels the same.
It’s this sound that lulls him into a deep, dreamless sleep— slowly, and then all at once.