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Storm
There was a storm today. It came out of nowhere, with nothing to predict it. No noticeable change in the air pressure; no clouds in the sky. It was sudden. It was fierce. I was in town when it started. I went to visit the library and to purchase fresh produce, the berries I know that Ahiru likes. I did not plan to return until the evening, and with the storm, I should have stayed until the next day.
But I could not leave Ahiru alone for that long.
I know that she is a duck. I know that ducks are used to such things. Storms are a part of nature, just as they are. She may have been alright without my intervention, but I could not leave it to chance.
She may now just be a duck, and I may now just be an author, but there are still parts of us that will always be what we once were.
Ahiru a princess, and I, her knight.
I will protect her from anything, even a storm.
She was alright when I arrived. She was drier than me, considering the hydrophobic nature of her feathers, but regardless. We are both now warm and safe inside the cabin. She is asleep on my desk as I write this.
She is safe.
I will have to return to the village tomorrow to finish my errands. Though, this time, I may have her accompany me. When I returned, she seemed just as worried for me as I was for her. That is something that hasn’t changed. Whether she is a duck or a princess, she is always concerned for others.
She always puts others before herself.
Ahiru is, and always has been, selfless.
Gift
Today was my birthday. I wasn’t sure I wished to celebrate it this year. I am surrounded by those who love me, Ahiru, Uzura, Karon, and yet, I still feel incomplete without Muuto by my side. He celebrated all previous birthday’s with me. At least, those that I can remember.
But I suppose ‘celebrate’ is a stretch of the word.
In a moment of weakness, I debated writing him returning here for the celebration, but I ultimately decided against it. That would have been too selfish of me, and an abuse of my powers I am not willing to risk. He and Rue are happy where they are; I am making sure of that. It isn’t my place to bring them into this world for something so insignificant.
I miss him though. I admitted this to Ahiru and she was sympathetic. I believe she misses him too, Rue as well. It is incredible how easy her emotions are to read, even as a duck. She is an open book.
A book I wish I could write in.
But again, something like that would be too selfish.
Regardless of the incomplete feeling towards my birthday, I still had a good day. Karon baked me a cake, and he and Uzura visited us at the lake. It was nice to gather with my loved ones.
Ahiru seemed excited for the festivities, gifting me with one of her feathers. At first, her pulling it out alarmed me, but just as she is good at showing her emotions, she is also excellent at miming her intentions.
I am writing this entry with a quill that Karon fashioned from the feather. Though, I am a little nervous to do so. The quill feels more fragile than my owl feather ones, more precious. I can not yet tell if that is really the case, or if it is my own feelings towards the feather’s owner seeping through.
But that worries me most of all.
It is when my feelings are strongest that my stories tend to go ary.
Is it really safe to write words with the feather of someone who I have the strongest feelings for?
Dance
Ahiru hurt her leg today. She thought I was asleep, but I awoke early after a disturbing dream. I watched her through the window as she danced by the pond, the early morning mist surrounding her. She can’t dance like she did as Tutu, and she can’t dance like she did as a human girl either, but I still found her attempt to be beautiful.
Just like it was during the final fight.
It is different when I can see it with my own eyes, instead of with the words in my head. Instead of with my fingers skimming over a page. I felt like I could watch her all day. Who knew a duck could dance so clumsily, yet so beautifully. Watching her relieved the strain I felt from my dream.
But she fell. Her legs aren’t made for dancing, and they got tangled up beneath her. I tended to the injury, but she will have to stay inside the cabin until she is healed. I don’t mind the company, but I mind that she will have to wait so long before she can dance again.
Her beautiful, yet clumsy dance.
Her lonely dance.
I wonder if it would be alright for me to use this yellow quill for something like that? To let her truly dance again every so often; to dance with me. I wonder if it would be alright to use my powers for something like that, if it was for her?
Is it selfish to want the person I love to be happy?
Is it selfish that I want to be happy too?
Is it selfish to want happiness for us after everything we’ve been through?
Ahiru is asleep on the desk in front of me. I set a pillow up there for her to rest on while she heals. If I wanted I could reach out and touch her, I could tickle her beak with her own feather turned quill. To me, there is happiness in something like that.
But is it enough?
Don’t we deserve just a little more?
“Once upon a time, there was a duck who dreamed of dancing. Every day she woke early to welcome the sun with a dance. She spread her wings wide and pirouetted around the edges of the lake that was her home.
But every so often she would stretch out a wing and a human arm would be there instead, and the hand of a human man, a knight, would grasp it. The duck would dance a pas de deux as a princess with her knight until the sun had fully risen. Their dance would end, the princess would once again become a duck, and their lives would go on.
Until their next dance.”
Would writing something like this, with the intention for it to come true, really be so wrong? I want to dance a pas de deux with my princess. I want to ward away my own bad dreams; dreams of her being alone.
Isn’t it okay to occasionally be selfish?