Work Text:
Savannah
My vision is hazy, and I feel lighter than I have in months. Like I'm floating instead of standing. My head spins.
I don't normally drink at parties, however tonight is different. Tonight, I am tired. Exhausted. Completely and utterly drained from the bitter role I play each and every day. But it's not like I have a choice, I don't know how else to feel or act. Everything is just so infuriating; Gideon Royal is such an-
I toss my wine glass back in a fluid movement, the sparkling liquid slithers down my throat and I feel like I'm suffocating. I reach for the bottle I had stolen out of the Carrington's liquor cabinet; it's delicious and probably has a few decades on me.
Pouring myself yet another glass, I don't feel remorseful about glutting myself with it alone, hidden in a hallway no one has wandered for a few hours.
After all, I am suffering through another stupid party because I have nothing better to do with my stupid life than ponder all the insecure what-ifs about my stupid break up with my asshole, fucking cheating mongrel of an ex-boyfriend.
Drawing my knees closer to my chest, I let my head loll to one side. I'm too wasted, too far gone and broken to care, at this moment at least, how unattractive this pose makes me look.
I stay like this for a few minutes, my brain is slowing down and my eyelids are growing heavier. I force myself to relax, sleep is better than being awake and I try to believe that there is no chance of being sexually assaulted in this isolated hallway.
In the end, too afraid of waking up with someone on top of me, I opt just to keep drinking myself to hell.
This is how Gideon Royal finds me. Wasted. Emotional. Teary. And missing him. Missing him so much it hurts to breathe.
He curses and apologises all at once. His hands, one of my favourite attributes of his many beautiful ones, disappear under my arms and I'm pulled to my feet. Gideon's grip on me doesn't leave and I hate myself for wanting to lean in closer, press myself against the lean muscle of his chest and pretend he's still mine.
But had he ever truly been mine? It didn't take much for Dinah to take my place.
Wincing slightly, I let my head lazily fall back and I stare up at him with a dazed grin. He probably thinks I've taken pills or some other drugs too. God, why did I think getting wasted was a good idea?
Gideon watches me stonily, as if I remind him of a memory he'd rather forget.
"I'm sorry Sav, I'm so sorry. This is- all of this is so wrong. It's fucking bullshit."
His voice is hollow, sincere; like he feels as lost as I do. The old me would've held him, doting comfort and reassurance.
I'm okay. You're okay. We're gonna be fine, Gid, I promise.
And I nearly did just that. Nearly.
"The only bullshit here is you. Just leave me alone!" The harsh snarl escapes my lips before the love does and I tear away from him.
I guess love doesn't always win…but haven't I already learned that?
Gideon's face breaks for a split second, the icy mask cracks and the arctic waters of his emotions flood his face.
But then it's gone and I'm left wondering if my drunk state imagined it.
"If that's what you want, I understand why. But I'm not just going to leave you-"
"Yes, because once is never enough for you Royals," I sneer venomously.
Gideon's face hardens and then he stormily grounds out, "-drunk off your face, vulnerable to some creep taking advantage of you."
My head spins like a top and I force myself not to throw up all over Gid's shoes, they probably cost more than one of Jordan's handbag's.
"Just go…", I mumble weakly. He'll walk away now, now that he realises how broken I am.
But he doesn't of course.
His arms come around me and I'm pulled into his chest.
Fucking Gideon Royal, can’t he just be the asshole everyone thinks he is. Why does he have to be so...so perfect?
And warm. I forgot how warm he is. Despite the empty and cold expressions Gid offers the world now, he's like a flame. Radiating heat and flickering with emotion, and...hugging me?
His head is resting comfortably on mine, lips in my hair. It feels nice, really nice. Normal even. But this isn't normal. We aren't together anymore. He cheated on me.
The reminder of why I can't ever have Gid back is jarring. And even though he wronged me, the betrayal hurts less than the fact I'll never have him again.
"I hate you," I say, only realising I’ve chosen to say the words out loud as I’m speaking them. Gideon hums, "I deserve that".
I try to push away from him again but this time he doesn't let me.
"You turned me into a poison tree," I slur at him cruelly.
His expression softens even as his blue eyes grow sad. "A beautiful poison tree."
My heart skips a beat.
Don't fall into the Royal trap again, Savannah. Don't you dare.
The voice in my head is harsh and cruel but it's also right.
And yet, I can't bring myself to get away from Gideon again. I don't have the strength to. Not tonight at least. Tonight, I just want to stay as close to my disgusting ex-boyfriend as possible for an ex-girlfriend to be.
"Just take me home, Gid."
And like the perfect little Royal, he does.
We go out the back door where no one is around because everyone is hanging out by the pool, forever drawn towards the location of music and booze. Like moths to a flame.
Gideon Royal is my flame
And as much as I want to strangle my heart for it, I know it's true.
We get into his Range Rover and I settle instantly against the soft leather. Gideon says nothing to me and gives an unnecessary amount of focus to putting the car into drive.
Does he regret his offer already?
I decide I don't care what he thinks or feels for once and lean my head against the chilled windowpane.
He certainly didn't think of me when he slept with that whore.
The memory makes me flinch and I swallow the bile that rises to my throat.
It's bad enough that Gid sees me as the bitter ex he doesn't care about but can't get away from, I don't need to be the drunk who threw up in his car too.
"Are you cold, I can turn the heat-"
"Why?"
His eyes flick to mine in surprise at my sharp tone.
"You looked cold," he mutters, grip tightening on the steering wheel.
"Oh, and whose fault is that?" I retort sourly. "Did you forget you cheated on me with your dad's best friend's wi-"
"Sav-"
"No, don't you dare try to hide from this you evil fucking coward! I hate you! I hate you so fucking much that your mere existence on this Earth should have been dragged to hell by Satan himself!"
"Probably," Gideon admits lamely, placidly. Somehow, I hate this Gideon more. Where is his arrogance? His brashness? His stupid fucking charm?
"Don't do that," I say slowly. "This isn't my fault. What happened isn't my fault." My voice breaks at the end and to my horror, tears burn at the rims of my eyes. Frantically, I blink them back but Gid notices anyway and his face crumbles.
"I know baby, I know. You don't understand, it's...it has to be- it's better this way."
"It is better or it has to be?"
Did he just call me baby, did it just slip out accidentally? Does it mean he still considers me his?
What am I doing?
I know exactly what I'm doing. I'm silently begging him to tell me that he loves me, that he never cheated, and Dinah was just some wretched fever dream.
"It's better for you." He grinds out stiffly, his knuckles are white against the steering wheel, eyes glaring at the road ahead.
"Cheating on me is what was best for me. Ever heard of just breaking up with somebody, asshole?"
The car falls into a tense silence, at any given moment one or both of us will explode.
Gideon has more self-control than me
"I miss you,” the words tumble out of me before I can squash them back down. Gideon freezes, before taking a breath and stepping on the gas.
Scenery whizzes by and the stars glimmer like a tapestry of diamonds. I recognize my surroundings too well which means we are getting close to my house.
I'm running out of time
"I miss you", I try again desperately, my voice breaks off and the tears come rushing back.
"I cheated on you Savannah; you deserve better. Better than I could ever give you... even without the cheating."
His jaw is taut and locked tight, like the words physically pain him. My fingers itch to stroke the tension away. Our eyes meet again, and I offer him a sad smile.
"Every time your lips move, you lie."
My remark stings and it isn't even directed at me. Gideon looks about as miserable as I feel.
Sighing, I lean my head back against the window, my energy source is depleted and my alcohol consumption is catching up to me.
I'm done. I'm so done with him. Why did I even get in his car?
My house comes into view and Gideon slows to a stop. Even though I could easily get out now, curse at my asshole ex and slam the door in his face, I don’t. I don't move a muscle.
I'm waiting for something, anything .
I'm rewarded with a beautiful load of nothing.
Dizzy spells attack me and waves of nausea rock around my stomach like a stormy sea.
The wine wants out.
Swallowing down my bile, I open the car door and start to get out. A strong hand catches my wrist just before I shut the door, I look back and meet Gideon's gaze. He's conflicted, yet oddly determined.
"I- I miss you too."
Gideon's words are raw and unexpected. And for this moment at least, I allow myself to let him in, to believe that when his lips move, he speaks the truth. All his walls seem to be down and the careful guardedness that has always surrounded the air around him seems to have evaporated.
The Royals are nothing but lying jerks with too much money
"Well, Gideon, it's truly nice to know that you think of me…when Dinah is too busy boning your dad and her dead husband. Go fuck yourself." My voice rises at the end, all my pent-up anger spills out and I glare at him coldly.
Gideon looks away, almost like he's composing himself and then he meets my eyes again. Expression hard, eyes empty.
Then, like the stupid, unpredictable, irritating, Satan spawn he is. He chuckles. The bastard grins at me, his eyes light up. My stomach flutters and butterflies swarm, my heart starts to pound.
"Savage Savannah." He grins wider. “My little monster.”
My eyes go wide and my grip tightens on the car door. "I'm not a monster", I spit, though I certainly sound like one, "and I'm not yours,” I add, far more composed and less hostile sounding.
"You're not a monster", Gid agrees. I smile thinly at him, "thank you". Then I slam the door shut like I've been waiting to do since I got into the goddam vehicle.
Gideon, of course, unrolls the window because he’s apparently not done with me. That wasn't a sign to create more butterflies, stomach!
"How about a thank you for driving-"
That’s when I realised he'd only agreed to half my statement and quickly cut him off.
"I'm not yours, Gideon Royal."
Gid grins at this, blue eyes glimmering like the stars. "Goodnight, Savage."
And before I can protest anymore, the Range Rover speeds away into a horizon of mansions and stars that have been outshined by his horrible, disgusting eyes.
His eyes aren't horrible and disgusting.
Not even a little bit.
Not even at all.