Chapter Text
Death has been a part of my life for a long time. Longer than most people my age. I was raised to kill. It was the only thing my father taught me. I was 8 when I killed someone for the first time. I think when you're 8 you're supposed to be watching cartoons. Playing with stuffed animals. Going to the park. I'm not sure. I think that's what normal 8 year olds do.
I figured out very quickly I do not like killing. I did not like what I saw in that man's eyes as life left them. Did not like the way he looked at me. The last thing he ever saw. I know he was a bad man. But could he have changed? Would he have wanted to? All I know is because of me, he didn't have the chance to make that choice. I didn't even have the voice to ask him.
In some ways, death doesn't bother me. It's reality. People die every day. Sometimes it's a tragedy, sometimes it's expected, sometimes someone takes a life, sometimes it's their own. Reality.
Other than the man I killed, there is one death that still feels… heavy on my chest. Weighs me down. My fault? Should have done more. Should have been faster. My fault. I let her go. No. I forced her to leave. I could have kept her safe. Never should have let her leave my side. My fault.
Stephanie Brown. Spoiler. Robin. She was my first friend. Maybe my only real friend. She never judged me for what I had done. Our childhoods were different, but more similar than anyone else I knew. We could talk to each other. There was a connection. Everyone else is hard to talk to. Stephanie was easy. But she didn't go easy on me.
Barbara and Batman didn't know how to deal with me. Talking to me seemed… frustrating to them. They also seemed… worried. Like I was seconds away from killing again. They didn't know. Couldn't know. I couldn't explain to them.
Stephanie wasn't like that. She made jokes, trying to make me laugh. Sometimes… I did. But she also treated me just like a person. Not a killer. Not superhuman. Just a girl. Like her. She was just a girl.
I dangle my feet back and forth while I sit on the edge of a gargoyle. Stephanie and I would talk here a lot. This is where I admitted I had never been kissed. This is where I found out about her baby. It's not fair. She was just a girl. Just trying to help.
“What are you going to do about it?”
I hear her voice. It's become a common thing since she's been gone. It stopped taking me off guard at some point. Now it's… comforting. Like she's still here. Still with me.
“Well? You said it's not fair, but I've never known you to just roll over and not try to fix things. So are you just gonna give up?” Steph's voice goads.
“What am I supposed to do? All I know is how to fight. How to kill. How is that going to bring you back?”
“Yeah, you're right. It's not like you're surrounded by ghosts and magic and weird crap all over the place.”
With that, her spirit takes form in front of me. Walking on air like it was solid ground. This is the first time I've seen her since she saved me from drowning.
“Look, Cass. You're smart. Smarter than I think anyone realizes. I'm sure you can think of something. And besides. You regret taking a life? Why not bring one back? That should balance things, right?”
“I don't know if it works like that.”
“Cassie, I can't tell you what to do. Mostly because I'm a ghost. But I miss you. And I know you miss me too. So… don't give up on me? Not yet?”
Her words hit me hard. Had I been giving up on her? It felt hopeless. Fighting fate, undoing death. If it's possible… I have to try. I stand up on the gargoyle and look her spirit in the eye.
“I'll bring you back. I promise.”
As I dive off the gargoyle, part of me hopes her spirit catches me. I think that would feel nice. Unfortunately, it's not to be and I pass right through.
If I'm going to do this, I need to start researching. That means my first step is in my Batcave, to see if Oracle's files can give me my first lead. It's time to be a detective. A short, uneventful swing later and I'm in my cave.
“Computer: What can you tell me about… resurrection?”
“Resurrection. Definition: Reviving someone or something once dead, bringing it back to life. While the act of resurrection is still believed to be nothing more than science fiction or fairy tale, some people seem to have achieved it. Example: Leader of the League of Assassins and frequent foe of Batman, Ra's al Ghul, is said to have utilized his Lazarus Pit to bring himself back to life and extend his lifespan by multiple hundreds of years.”
League of Assassins… I would like to avoid them if I can.
“Computer: Status of Ra's al Ghul.”
“Ra's al Ghul's current status is unknown, but he is believed to be dead. The League of Assassins is now under the leadership of al Ghul's daughter, Nyssa Raatko.”
Well if he's dead, it does throw the effectiveness of the Lazarus Pit into question. I won't put too much trust into it for now.
“Computer: Other potential ways to resurrect a person.”
“While currently unproven, there are many magical beings who may be able to tap into the Spirit World, which could lead to a successful resurrection. Additionally, many brilliant scientists have spent decades attempting to thwart the effects of death.”
Magic or science. Two things I don't know much about and trust even less. It's clear I'm going to need to find some experts willing to help me with this.
“Computer: Trusted magic users.”
“Zatanna Zatara. Frequent associate of Batman and the Birds of Prey. Performs as a magician at the Top Hat Theater.”
That sounds like a good place to start. I make my way to the Top Hat to see what I can find out. As I'm about to sneak into the backstage from the alley entrance, Steph's spirit stops me.
“You know… I've always wanted to go to one of Zatanna's magic shows.”
“We don't have time.”
“Oh am I going to die more? If she's performing, you'd have to wait for her to finish anyway. Why not enjoy the show?”
She has a point and it would be worth seeing what she's capable of. I throw some normal clothes on over my costume and head to the entrance. After getting my ticket, I settle in and wait for the show to start. A booming announcer’s voice signals the beginning.
“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome one and all to the illustrious Top Hat Theater! We hope you're prepared for a night of magic and wonder, the likes of which you've never seen! And now, without further ado, our guide into the mystical realm, The Astonishing Zatanna!”
Just then, a dove flies onto the stage and lands on a table. For a few moments, the crowd is silent. I'm really not sure what's going on. Before long, an assistant in a white corset singlet, fishnets, and white rabbit ears, runs onto stage, apologizing the whole way. She moves a microphone stand to the table and lowers it down to the dove’s level. I feel like Barbara's guide would have mentioned Zatanna is a bird.
“Coo. Coo. Cah! Sorry folks just got… something in my throat. Hold on. It's like. A tickle. You ever have-? Ah nevermind.”
The dove coughs. And again. A feather comes out of its beak. She speaks with her mouth full.
“Errr ‘abbit? Ru ‘ind ‘ulling ‘at ‘eather?”
“Oh! Sure thing Miss Zee!”
The assistant grabs hold of the feather and with a tug, thousands of feathers burst into the air. It's very hard to see anything through all of them, but as they start to fall, there she stands. She is wearing an all white suit, with a white tie and top hat to match. She looks down at her clothes with a shocked face.
“Oh gosh. Would you look at that? Wearing white after Labor Day? I'm so embarrassed.”
Her assistant makes a big sad face at that.
“Oh not you Rabbit, I'm sorry. You look divine as always. But I can't let the paparazzi catch me like this. Let's whip this outfit into shape.”
With a sparkle and a flash of light, her white suit is suddenly all black.
“Woooooow. That was incredible, huh Cass?” Steph's spirit remarks. I silently nod in response, because speaking out loud to a ghost in public would probably make me stand out.
“Now, let the show begin properly.” Zatanna says with a flourish of her wand.
Over the next hour, Zatanna performs many different magic tricks with her assistant White Rabbit. While some were impressive, many of them I could tell exactly how they were done. Was this really someone so powerful that she would be of use to the Birds of Prey? So much of what she does is just misdirection and mirrors. Steph's spirit, on the other hand, was in awe the whole time.
Is she actually Stephanie's spirit or am I hallucinating her? Either way, she's not going anywhere for now.
Once the show concludes, I decide to sneak backstage to talk with her. I slip into the alley, get rid of my civilian clothes, and put on my mask. Stephanie gushes about the show as I change.
“And then when she turned her assistant into an actual rabbit?! It was so amazing! Wasn't it amazing? We have GOT to do this again.”
I sneak into the dressing room, find a dark corner covered by a curtain that I can peek between, and wait for her to come in. It's not long before the door opens.
“Great work tonight, Jaina. You're really getting the hang of this.” Zatanna says before shutting the door.
As she takes her suit jacket off, she looks around the room with a raised eyebrow. Then, she rolls her eyes. Without looking my way, she says two words, but I can't understand what they are.
“.flesruoy laeveR”
Before I know it, the curtain disappears and a spotlight shines bright in my eyes. She still isn't looking at me.
“You know Bruce, you usually call before paying me a visit. This is very unprofessional. You're lucky I don't-”
Before she can finish, she finally looks my way.
“Well, you're a bat, but not one I know. Did Oracle send you? Batman?”
“No.”
“Alright then, out with it. Who are you and why are you here?”
“Batgirl.”
“Yeah, that I gathered. Look, I'm pretty wiped after that show, so do you think we can dispense with the sparse and spooky bit? .sehtolc yfmoC”
In a blink, she is suddenly wearing a yellow Ashes on Sunday shirt, black sweatpants, and black fuzzy slippers. The Spotlight also disappears so I'm not being blinded anymore.
“So you actually are magic.”
“What? Oh, yeah kid. Didn't they tell you?”
“Oracle's notes said you were, but I watched your show. It seemed to be… illusions? Misdirection. You didn't say any of those weird words, either.”
“Ah, that. Well, I don't use… magic like that for my performances. Never felt sporting if I was out there making other magicians look bad with my… other style of magic.”
“I see. That explains why you've been able to work with the other heroes. Then I guess I can tell you why I'm here. My… friend. She… got hurt and she… died.”
“Ah. And you want me to use my magic to bring her back, is that right?”
I find it hard to look her in the eyes when she says it. I know I probably sound crazy.
“Well, Cass? Are you crazy? After all, you have been talking to a ghost. Maybe you've cracked. Maybe Shiva did some real permanent damage.”
I try my best to ignore Steph's spirit as she flits through my head like a bug.
“Yes. That's… that's right.”
“Sorry, kiddo. My magic doesn't work that way. Believe me, I wish it did. But it's one of the few things I've never been able to do.”
“Right. I was stupid to think it was possible.”
“Whoa there. I didn't say it was impossible, just that I couldn't do it.”
“Lazarus Pit?”
“What's that? Sounds a bit out of my range. Look, I probably shouldn't be telling you this, and I know he's going to be mega pissed at me for sending you his way, but I know someone who might be able to help you. British necromancer by the name of John Constantine.”
She grabs a piece of paper and starts to write some information down.
“Could you just tell me where to find him?”
I'd rather not explain that Steph and I didn't finish my reading lessons before she died, if I can help it.
“I- uh. Sure. You're looking for Papa Midnite's Bar up in Bowery. You'll find it in an alley near 112th street and Garber Ave. Be careful over there. Folks aren't always too happy to see a mask like yours pop up in the neighborhood. You'll need to give a password. ‘The key to the doors is hidden in the moors’. They shouldn't give you any trouble after that.”
“Thank you for your help, Zatanna.”
“Of course. Good luck. You're gonna need it when you deal with him.”
A knock at the door takes her attention away from me and I make my exit. I can still overhear what's said in the room.
“Hey Miss Zee, everything ok?”
“Oh yeah, Jaina, thank you. I was just thinking about a… disappearing act. Anyways, you hungry? I'm starving.”
While it may have felt like a dead end before I went into the dressing room, coming away from there with a new lead is not a bad place to be. Before I'm able to get too far away, I hear a familiar voice in my ear. Only this time, it's not Stephanie. It's Barbara.
“Cassandra? Do you read me? Look I know you're probably still mad at me, but we need to talk. Can you hear me?”
“Yes.”
I grapple up to a rooftop. It's clear this conversation is not something I can avoid.
“What is it?”
“I actually think… we need to do this in person.”
She's not going to drop this, I know it. I just… need to deal with this.
“Ok.”
“You know where to find me. Oracle out.”
I really don't want to do this. But I do owe her a lot, and I don't really know what I'll have to go through next, so I would hate to leave things where they have been in case I don't make it out of this.
“She's going to try to talk you out of this, you know?” Steph's spirit says, floating by me as I grapple my way to Barbara's apartment.
“Yes.”
“Are you gonna let her?”
“No.”
“Why? This could be dangerous. Could be a one way trip for you.”
“That's fine. I have to try.”
“Why? Why you?”
“Because you're my… friend.”
“And this is what friends do?”
“I… don't know.”
By the time I reach Barbara's apartment, Stephanie has left my side. I guess I'm going into this conversation alone. I climb in through the window and as I expected, Barbara is sitting at her computer.
“Thank you for coming. I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to right now.”
“What did you want to say?”
“A few things. First, I'm sorry. I haven't treated you very well, and I said some very unkind things to you in the heat of the moment. You didn't deserve that.”
An apology. One that I've been waiting for. I guess better late than never.
“Thank you. Now if that's all, I really have to-”
“That's not all, no. Look. I know what you're doing. I got an alert about some of the things you've been looking up.”
“You've been spying on me?”
“You're using my information, my tech, I don't think I'm off base for wanting to know what you're using it for. Especially after what happened, I just want to know that you're being smar- safe out there.”
“Well?”
“Cassandra… I know you want to help. But sometimes we have to accept the facts of life. And one of those facts is that… it ends. People die and we have to keep moving forward. We can't undo death. Do you understand?”
“No.”
“No?”
“No. Shiva killed me and brought me back to life. I know others have come back to life. Even your own information talked about Ra's al Ghul.”
“But that's different.”
“No, it's not. It's not! My life is not more important than hers! And if I can do something, I have to.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because you aren't doing anything about it. Neither is Batman. I'm the only one who cares enough about Stephanie that can do something about it.”
Barbara closes her eyes, pinches her nose in frustration, and lets out a resigned sigh.
“I'm not going to be able to stop you. I know this. Can you at least tell me… what your plan is?”
“Zatanna told me to go talk to someone named John Constantine.”
“Christ… I'm gonna kill her. Ok. Constantine is probably the best person who could help you with this, but you need to be careful. He deals with the supernatural. Things you've never encountered before. Spirits, demons, monsters. Bad stuff. This is not going to be easy.”
“I know.”
“Yeah, I know a challenge has never stopped you. Just… keep me in the loop?”
“Ok. I will.”
“Good luck, Cassandra.”
With that, I leave the way I came in. Next stop, Papa Midnite's Bar.