Chapter Text
The first time Kachan ever hit me was shortly after I turned four. It was the first time my whole world fell apart and when my views on it would start to change. It would mark the first time I would get called Deku. The last time I would hear my real name from the mouths of my peers. They would soon forget my name altogether.
…
After hearing from the quirk specialist that it was not likely that I would ever obtain a quirk of my own. I was stuck in a sort of fog for a while after that. So devastated I couldn’t even cry. I didn’t know what it was as a four year old but the feeling of dissociation was a first and certainly not the last. It would become a familiar comfort eventually. A way to get away and not think.
My mother cried for me, telling me she was so sorry. Her apologizing only drove the pain further into my heart. Widening the hole I already felt from not receiving a quirk. It wasn’t what I needed to hear. It just made me feel weak and helpless. Why didn’t she believe in me despite the fact of me being quirkless.
My father was a whole other story. Hisashi was never a kind man to me or my mother but before this he would physically leave me alone. I was always terrified of him though. He would sometimes hit her or burn her with his quirk if he got drunk enough(and he was drunk most of the time).
He was on a business trip when I went to the specialist and wouldn’t get back for two weeks. I never talked to him over the phone but my mom didn’t want to inform Hisashi that I was quirkless. She was far too scared to do that. He would probably come back from the trip early to beat her just to turn around and tell her that it was her fault he had to leave his business trip early. That she better start working more hours to get back the money he lost. So she didn’t tell him so she could at least be safe until he got back.
On the other hand I was not as lucky. The following day I would go to school and face everyone I called friends. They find out I didn’t have a quirk eventually right? Might as well just rip off the band aid. He went to be before he could let himself overthink it too much.
…
When I woke up the next morning I could already feel a shift in the way my mother viewed and treated me. She had always been gentle and full of worry but this was on a whole other level. When she touched me she did it much lighter as if I was made out of glass and would shatter if she held me too harshly. They way she talked to me it was as if she talked too loud I would blow away.
She had informed me that she told my teachers about my diagnosis. Then she started to talk about how I should be careful but I stopped listening. She made katsudon for breakfast. I really love katsudon but this just felt like another silent apology. I didn’t end up eating all that much. I felt my vision blur as I got into the car. The only thing I could focus on was the way my heart seemed to beat faster the closer we got to the school. My mother didn’t want to leave me. I put on the biggest smile I could muster so she would leave and reluctantly she left.
Kachan knew I was going to the quirk specialist so he immediately came up to me to ask.
“Hey Zuku what quirk did you get? Well it doesn't really matter what quirk you get because mine is better and you're just going to be my sidekick anyways.”
“I d-” Izuku was cut off by the teacher so they could inform the class of his ‘condition’
“Everyone, you should give Midoriya some space. He was diagnosed quirkless yesterday and I don’t want him to get overwhelmed”
“No it’s ok I don’t feel overwhelmed”
They all backed away anyway. Kachan just stared at me with a confused look on his face that had a hint of anger with it. As the day went on not a single kid talked to me. They didn’t even sit by me despite the other tables being over crowded. I thought they were just still trying to give me space. It was a week later when I finally realized that they had thought less of me. That they were completely ignoring me. Instead of pitying looks I just received looks of annoyance. One time I tried to go to them instead but they just shoved me away and told me to leave them alone. Sometimes they would catch me staring at them play and call me a creep for it. I was just lonely but I guess they wouldn’t know how that felt.
…
I didn’t think things could get worse. Until my father walked into the house. He was back a day early. My mother froze slightly when she saw him.
“Your home early. How was your business trip” she said while grabbing some of Hizashi’s stuff.
“It was ok, there was some stuff that made it a little stressful”
“O-oh, well that's too bad” she started to break out in a cold sweat. Stress means Hizashi is going to drink and drinks mean trouble.
“Enough about me, how did the quirk assessment go?”
I saw my mother go visibly pale at the question. I took a step backward towards my room as I started to shake. I always knew my father was scary when he got mad. But when my mother told him my new “diagnosis” it made him a whole other level of scary.
“H-He um. The doctor said that it was not likely that a quirk would develop.” she said while hugging herself with her arms.
I took another step back when his eyes flicked to mine. They were full of anger and disgust.
“He's a WHAT!”
I could see the anger bubbling on his face.
“Go to your room I don’t want to even look at a quirkless freak like you”
I wasn’t going to stay frozen and find out what he would do if he had to look at me for even ten seconds longer so I ran as fast as I could to my room. I cried as quietly as I could while my dad yelled at my mom telling her she was useless because she gave birth to a useless son. It was the sound of his palm hitting her face that was really making me cry. I knew it was my fault. I cried for a few hours, my eyes red and puffy before I cured myself to sleep.