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Usopp wakes up to a cold and empty bed, which is definitely not how he went to sleep.
The covers are brought up to the pillow, like someone had tried to make the bed carefully while he was still asleep; pillows carefully maneuvered and arranged in an orderly fashion. There is no sound coming from the bathroom, or down the hall--hell, there isn't even the rustling of cookware anywhere to be heard.
One thing sticks out like a sore thumb to him; Sanji's box of cigarettes are right where he left them. What was strewn about the top of the dresser was rolling paper and a small canister.
Usopp sighs. Their apartment is not even a full flight of stairs away from the rooftop; the door is almost always left open in some way, and Sanji loved to go up there and think about everything. Usopp stretches, are aching his hands up to the sky, and gets out of bed to go and check if Sanji was there.
The flashlight on his phone is bright--too bright, Usopp can't help but think--that it nearly flash bangs him. He points it away from his face, aiming the light at the floor to guide his way. He tugs on a pair of sweatpants and a shirt, heading for the door. He takes the key hanging on the clip by the door and pockets it before he exits the apartment building and makes his way to the front door. He checks his watch, noting the ungodly hour, and makes his way up the roof access.
Well, at least it's a nice view.
Grand Line City stretches far out beneath them, bright lights and tangled streets that weave together are just as vast as they are endless. You can see a lot from the roof of Thousand Sunny apartments which is why Sanji always went up there to think. Usopp knows as such which is why he hauls himself up the stairs and to the roof where he knows Sanji will be--even though he's a hundred percent sure the blond can take care of himself, he'd rather not leave anything to chance.
The door opens with a slight creak. Nothing a quick spot of hinge grease wouldn't fix, Usopp couldn't help but think to himself as he looks to see a familiar head of blond hair leaning on the ledge. And really, he's not surprised to see Sanji turn towards the sound wordlessly.
Sanji looks sheepishly at him, holding out the joint that he'd lit. It's his own silly way of inviting Usopp to partake in his emotions, his own silly way to try and talk about something on his mind in a way he didn't have to remember if it went south, but Usopp couldn't even thinks out taking a drag. He knows he wouldn't be able to get a proper nights rest high off his mind and worried, so he shakes his head no to politely decline Sanji's offer but still sits beside him.
"Sorry, Sopp," Sanji says, voice rough around the edges. It was a normal occurrence, really. It didn't matter if Sanjis chain smoked plain old cigarettes or rolled giant joints to get himself higher than a kite on a Saturday night, the roughness would always be there. And it would take hours to get to that point. It left Usopp to wonder about how long it took him to realize Sanji was gone in the first place, feeling so comfortable that he didn't even notice Sanji getting up to leave. "Didn't mean to wake you," Sanji continues, "Been thinking, that's all. Why I couldn't do it in the apartment, I could even begin to explain but. Well-"
"Stop," Usopp says, "Its okay. You didn't wake me up. It was the cold that did. When I woke up and found you weren't in bed though, I figured it was because you needed a smoke break."
"Come on," Sanji starts, lightly grinning.
"Come on, what?" Usopp jokes, cracking a smile as he shoves his hands into his hoodie pockets. "Thanks for not smoking in the apartment," he continues, feeling the slightest brush of their shoulders together from their relative positions. There's a lingering silence as Sanji takes a deep inhale of the joint. All Usopp can do is take in the curl of his lashes. "Was it anything specific, or...?" Usopp continues, just to break the silence between them both.
It's one of those nights where Sanji's thoughts get loud and disruptive. It wanders so far off into whatever eats at it that Sanji needs a break from it all. And this was his small break.
"You ever think about what happens when you die?" Sanji asks abruptly. It may feel like a quiet whisper in the wind, but to Usopp's worry riddled brain it's a hyperfixation point. The night is still and the words linger in the air, heavy, and it worries him. Worry is Usopp's middle name and Sanji's statement didn't quell the anxious feelings he was having. "Because when I die," Sanji continues, "I'd do it all over again with you."
Usopp sits there, silent. He wasn’t even sure of how to make it from day to day most of the time, let alone what to do if he had to restart his entire life over again from zero. There wouldn’t be much he could change either way.
Sanji says. “If I don’t get to see you in a different life, I’ll kill my-” Usopp puts a careful hand up to Sanji’s lips, trying to expel any lingering on that last morbid thought.
“You’re really imaginative, Sanji,” Usopp says, “But I don’t think it works like that.” Usopp looks over to Sanji, who’s slightly shivering at the frigidness of the air. He shrugs off his hoodie, handing it over to a shivering Sanji and huddles close to feel some warmth.
“Reincarnation fantasy works however the hell I want it to, Usopp,” Sanji laughs. “We could be reincarnated into two sand mites on a goddamn beach for all I care, but as long as I get to stay by your side for the rest of my minuscule life, I think I’d be alright. I think we’d be alright.”
And it’s true. They’d be alright, but Usopp couldn’t help but wonder how quickly Sanji slipped into ‘we’.
“Everything.” Sanji gestures widely, trying to paint a grandeose image , “The entire fucking thing. Shit, I could run away from home earlier and stay gone longer. Or you and your family could come to the North-”
“Yeah because it would be so realistic for me and my sickly mother to move up to the North Blue,” Usopp snorts, “We could barely afford the affordable housing in Syrup Village until Kaya and I became friends. We definitely wouldn’t survive in the suburbs of the North Blue, where all the rich people who didn’t want to live in the inner city ended up.”
Sanji snorts in responde to Usopp's comment. Sanji cards his hands through his golden hair. “I don’t know, man. Maybe I just want to meet you sooner. Maybe I wanna meet you before I get all fucked in the head. I want better than this,” Sanji sighs, with an air of seriousness that Usopp has never even heard inflected in his voice before.
“What’s wrong with this?” Usopp asks and there’s an edge to his voice.
“Me,” Sanji answers honestly, “I wanna treat you better. I wanna treat everyone better. Even the fucking mosshead who gets the hell under my skin.” Usopp looks carefully down at Sanji, whose head is placed comfortably on his shoulder, as the blond speaks. “I just need to be better next time around—hell, I probably should aim for being the best, just so I don’t lose anyone in this grand reincarnation deal.” If any of you would even want me still want me around goes unsaid between the both of them.
It’s an incredulous, irrational thought of Sanji’s; the fear of abandonment had always run deep in Sanji’s veins that it tormented him. His mother passed away far too young, his brothers learned their cruelty and uncaring nature far too young with no consequence, and his father never cared about him at all. Even his older sister, strong and cutthroat Reiju, didn’t come out of this shitstorm unscathed. In fact, from what Sanji has told him, she was the one who helped him get away from it all.
And everything was fine from there. Everything falls into place so spectacularly that it didn’t feel real.
Inevitably, though, trouble would come. Sanji’s past that he tried so hard to forget about would all bubble up and spill over eventually which is exactly what happened when the realization that his family was broke and trying to go through a buyout that would only go through due to an arranged marriage. Because that’s all he was good for to his remaining family.
His dreams of becoming a professional chef would be over and he agreed to end them just to repair whatever he could with his family right then and there.
It was a permanent scar—being related to the Vinsmokes—that Sanji would be working through for the rest of his life. And Usopp would be right there beside him, giving him a gentle guiding hand through recovery, because he loves him. Usopp loves Sanji so much and would do just about anything for him, even if he was afraid of the outcome.
“But you’re already the best in my eyes, Sanji,” Usopp smiles. “You’re loyal—sometimes to your own detriment—and you’re kind. You take care of people every single day with so much love and care and attention to detail.” There’s so much love, so much kindness and gentleness despite all the atrocities that Sanji has been through, that colors Sanji’s very being. So much that Usopp wishes Sanji could believe. “How much better do you think you need to be in another life to treat yourself nicely in this one?”
“I don’t know,” Sanji hums. The joint is just about burned out, good for one last inhale before Sanji would have to stomp it out, and in that moment Usopp can’t help but pull Sanji carefully into his arms. He can deal with the ash and cinder on his favorite pair of brown overalls later; right now, all Usopp can think about is Sanji and how much he loves the blond in front of him.
“This universe’s you deserves all the love and all the care in the world, Sanji Black,” Usopp says, “Every universe’s version of you deserves all that, but this universe’s you especially needs to be reminded.” He sweeps Sanji’s fringe that covers one of his eyes out of Sanji’s face to stare straight into those lovely baby blues before he continues speaking, “I love you, Sanji. We have so much time before the clock resets, so let’s stop thinking about what happens to us when we’re older. We can deal with it when it comes. Together.”
He notices Sanji stamping out the joint on one of the roof tiles. There’s a look of brief . Sanji’s eyes are tearing up; from smoking an entire joint on his own or the brief wind chill that’s stinging Usopp’s own eyes, he can’t truly tell, but it doesn’t matter too much in the end. Not when Sanji is holding Usopp close. “I love you too, Usopp,” he says, planting a kiss on Usopp’s cheek.