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“Eunyung! Eunyung! Can you hear me? Wake up! Wake the fuck up! Don’t.. don’t leave me alone.”
Eunyung feels conscious but at the same time, the complete opposite. Almost like he’s in two different realms at the same time. Why is Haejoon blurry? After rubbing his eyes, Eunyung reaches out to Haejoon in vain. “Haejoon? Haejoon… Why can’t I touch you.. Woah,”. His hand goes right through Haejoon’s knee where he is kneeling right in front of him. He’s crying. Haejoon is crying.
Eunyung looks down at his hands and realises they’re more like electric shock waves instead of solid meat on bone. He remembers something about those shock waves during one of his science classes. The only reason he remembers this was because he was out of candy and actually paid attention to the teacher. Cool, he thinks. Freaky.
He remembers Haejoon and his vision of sight goes back to him. He realises a small crowd has begun to form around them, looking down at him in pity. “Who are all these people anyway,” Eunyung mumbles. It’s embarrassing. He isn’t used to this many people looking at him like that – pitying him, feeling bad for him. It’s enough for one person to stare at him like that at one time. This whole lot just seems demeaning, staring at him as if he wasn’t even there. Following their eyes, Eunyung looks at what their eyes are fixed on.
Oh. It was him.
He was sitting on top of himself. Well, not really on top, more like intercrossing since he’s not a physical being anymore. He sees a huge gash on the right side of his head, blood streaming out. He sees the car he was hit with, he sees people taking videos, he sees a few others calling ambulances. He sees, he sees, he sees. He can’t do anything about it. He starts shaking, hands on his head, covering his eyes as he heaved, almost to the point of hurling.
Something cracks inside him. Eunyung laughs bitterly to himself. Even when he’s dead, he’s a burden. He’s useless. He’s not sure what it was but seeing Haejoon like that… towards him.. He couldn’t bear it. Eunyung gets up and tries to run away. Where? Where is he going? Anywhere but there, he doesn’t want to see all those sombre faces, everyone caring about him, he can’t. He falls down to his knees, shaking so bad as he curls up into a ball. “I can’t do this.” Eunyung stammers, starts mumbling incoherent statements to nothing in particular.
He thought being dead would cure him, that it would be the solution to his problem – himself.
“I always fuck things up.. Hah…. I should be happy that I’m dead.. I thought that if I were dead I’d be less of a burden but even in the afterlife, I mess things up.”
A soft hand touches his shoulder, if he didn’t realise it from his peripheral vision, he’d think he was imagining things. He’s still crying, didn’t even realise when he started crying but doesn’t dare to turn back. “You’re Eunyung, right? Hello, I’m Eunju. It’s nice to finally meet you.” It was a woman’s voice. A voice unfamiliar to him but he feels like he can put a face to that voice… Just then, Haejoon’s mother comes to Eunyung’s mind. He remembers her genuine smile in the pictures Haejoon showed from his photo album, how alive she looked.
He turns around. There she is, smiling at him. Eunyung, stunned, bowed down unconsciously. He thinks it’s weird since he’s never done that, never had enough respect for an adult for him to do that. Damn, death is turning him into an emotional fuck.
Eunju starts chuckling and Eunyung likens that sound to the sound of birds chirping. Not that he knew how a bird chirping symbolises tranquillity in the air, but all this information has suddenly bombarded his mind from God knows where. Not his own knowledge, that’s for sure. Eunyung is suddenly shy around Eunju. He’s aware that they’re both in a completely different world from the others so he has no choice but to talk to her.
“Hello, Haejoon’s mom. Um, sorry if this sounds stupid but - are we in the afterlife?” Eunju nods her head confidently, a reassuring smile on her face that contrasts with her other features that make her seem old. She has a really nice smile and Eunyung’s lips quirked up into a small smile unknowingly.
“I was so surprised to see you here. It must’ve come as a shock to you too, sweetheart.” Eunyung feels his heart beating, he feels it so much he’s hyper aware he feels every single beat. Another thing about being in the afterlife, you suddenly feel more conscious of your body and feelings, he feels like he could die again with how much he felt. Shaking his head, he looks down. “But I don’t remember what happened. How did I get hit? Why was Haejoon with me?” Shuddering, he suddenly looks up at Eunju, a look of panic written on his face as he realises what could have happened.
What if it was Haejoon? Eunju could read Eunyung so much, he’s surprised why she hasn’t hit him yet for thinking such scary thoughts about her own son. He suddenly feels guilty until Eunju grasps him suddenly and holds him in her arms. Oh, dear God, he was going to be sick. He felt so warm, so safe. Eunyung responds to her embrace and tightens his hold on her.
“You must have suffered so much, dear Eunyung-ie. Don’t worry about Haejoon. Even if anything did happen to him, it will never be your fault. I wouldn’t allow it. I take care of him, remember?” She caresses his face. “He also has you.” She looked down at Eunyung and wiped the stream of tears he didn’t realise he had been holding in. “I wish we could have met in a different circumstance. But for now, I’m glad we did. Come on, sweetheart, let's go on a little walk.” She holds out her hand.
Eunyung immediately follows her as if he was meant to do so his whole life.
After walking for a few minutes, Eunyung pipes up. “Since you knew who I was immediately, does that mean you really have been watching over Haejoon this whole time?” Eunju nods happily, beaming at the mention of her son. Eunyung shakes his head and feels apologetic. “I know I’ve treated Haejoon quite.. badly in the past.” Bad was an understatement. He fucked him up and he knows it. “I’m sorry, Eunju. I really am.” Eunyung is ashamed at his past self, mentally hitting himself for everything that he’s done. Why was he like this?
Eunju realises that Eunyung’s beckoning spiral might come again so she shakes her head this time. “Eunyung, I’ve come to meet you to tell you something. Now, you listen here, son,” Eunju stops walking and Eunyung follows suit. She looks at him sternly. “I don’t know the full story and frankly speaking, I don’t need to know it all to know that everything is not your fault.” Eunyung’s shiny eyes glinted as he stared up in awe at Eunju. How does she know that? Is this another adult farce she’s tryna pull? All these harrowing emotions are too much for Eunyung, he instinctively puts his hand over his chest, trying everything to stop his heart from beating so much.
Eunju looks at Eunyung and smiles at his little action. “You are such a good person, Eunyung. Please know that. Haejoon talks to me everyday, you know. He loves to talk about you. I trust my son with my whole entire being and that means, I trust you just as much. Thank you for coming into Haejoon’s life. You are so loved.”
Eunyung broke his own personal record of crying in front of others. He’s cried so much it’s a wonder how the waterworks just keep on going. He’s so sad. Here’s an adult that’s actually taking the time to listen to him and is telling him such nice things he might combust into thin air at how sincere it feels coming from her mouth.
“Thank you, Eunju… for telling me that. I appreciate it, truly, but I don’t understand why you’d bother telling me these things. I think I’m stuck here with you forever, now.” Eunyung smiles. “Not that it’s a bad thing or anything.”
Eunju shakes her head and chuckles softly, the birds chirping coming into his mind yet again. “Yes, I’m here forever, sweetie. Not you. You still have time,” She embraces him hard this time, like it’s the last one she’ll give. “Now, go on. Go back to the people who love you.” She pushes him gently and suddenly all he sees is white, his vision getting blurry as he feels himself being dragged away by nothing. He squints his eyes back at Eunju, too stunned to even say anything. He sees a blurry apparition of her and hears the words, “Tell Haejoon I love him!” before being whisked away from her for good.
Eunyung’s eyes open slowly, attempting to fight the grogginess away from his eyes. His eyesight is still a little blurry, but he looks up and makes out a ceiling, a window, and five heads looking down at him. Huh?
“Guys.. you guys! Eunyung’s awake!” That was Marie’s voice, her shrill tone so distinct he could identify her even if he was blind. Eunyung’s eyes shift to the people next to her. Juwan? Minju? Hara? He stares ahead and sees… Haejoon. Trying to get up, his head splits as all five of them scream at him to stop, grabby hands making him lie back down.
“Stupid, you’re not supposed to get up that fast. You’ll hurt yourself again.” Haejoon said. Eunyung can’t believe his ears. A sudden, searing pain jolted him awake, finally declaring him sober. Oh God, he’d rather go back to feeling his emotions more vividly than whatever this pain is. He touches the crown of his head gingerly, feeling the rough material of white gauze wrapped around his head. Oh, right. He was in an accident.
“Hey guys,” Eunyung says hoarsely, his throat dry as a desert. How long was he out? “Eunyung… You scared us to death…,” Juwan wails. “How could I ever live without you? I’d be so mad if you left me!” Juwan’s cries were something Eunyung hadn’t realised he missed. “Yeah, Eunyung. We’re so glad you’re back.” Hara says, and both Minju and Marie agree wholeheartedly, all the girls rubbing his feet softly. He felt so warm , it was nauseating in the best way possible. Eunyung smiles weakly, not knowing how to react. Suddenly remembering Eunju’s words. “Hey, Haejoon. You have a pretty fucking cool mom.” Haejoon’s eyes softened until he realised what Eunyung said. “What? How did you-”
“She was really nice to me. I met her just now. She told me to tell you that she loves you.” Haejoon’s eyes started to water, as he smiled at what Eunyung said. Eunyung smiles back. Haejoon gave him a look that said, I know man. I love her too. Words were not needed in this situation.
“Well, now that the gang’s back together, we should all meet up again pretty soon!” Marie exclaimed, excitement evident in her tone. “Hey, Eunyung literally just got back from the dead. Let him rest first.” Minju strikes back, shooting daggers at Marie as if to say, read the room! Hara goes in between them, begging them to stop. Juwan is suddenly in the middle of it all and realises that this was not a good place to be in. Haejoon and Eunyung laugh at their friends fondly, a knowing look being shared between them. Eunyung closes his eyes, a smile still etched on his face permanently. He must look like a damn fool but he didn’t care. He had a family – a place to call home.