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Waking up after the nightmare, Atle expected to be met with the cold of the ice cave. Instead, he found himself warm and comfortable, breathing in the familiar smell of cut wood (oak, aged) and cotton. The last thing he remembered was dying. As it all went away, he knew only his own eyes staring back at him from the face of the girl who had turned out to be his sister. As things went, that had not been the most pleasant way to go. He rubbed his eyes, found his hands still frostbitten and rough. Here he was, still kicking it. Atle was not the type to question or dwell on luck like that. He was warm and… not alone?
Something moved next to him. Someone was in the bed with him. A waft of cinnamon and honey hit his nose. A scent he recognized. He saw two options. Pretend to be asleep until Lucann woke up and left in a hurry, or sneak out without waking him. Atle had just escaped certain death. He was not dealing with his emotions until after breakfast. Lucann moved again, and his hair fell away from his face, revealing his angry eyebrows and tense jaw. He had always been beautiful. If Atle was being honest, the beauty was almost offputting. He was too sure of it, wielded it with too much confidence. Atle could never bring himself to do the same, it filled him with both shame and jealousy. He never allowed himself to look. He did now, though. Just for a moment. Nobody would ever catch him, what was the harm in it? It wasn’t like they didn't know.
Lucann’s foot kicked him in the shin, it made him jump. He had to get out of this lovely room in his lovely hometown with the lovely boy before he embarrassed himself further. He started to shimmy downwards, to slide of the foot of the bed and onto the floor without disturbing the blankets. Unfortunately, his earring caught the sheets and yanked his earlobe painfully. Atle cried out, kicked both legs in the air and tumbled onto the floor in a heap. Who the fuck had put earrings on him? He could feel blood on his cheek.
He let go a sad, pathetic wheeze.
Lucann had already reached for his sword. Always battle ready, he sat up in bed, sword raised. Atle managed to crawl to his knees, looked up and accidentally made eye contact.
They froze. Lucann did not lower his sword. His gaze full of that characteristic disdain as he regarded the shabby carpets, the wooden walls (oak, tempered), and lastly Atle, sat on the floor with a bloody ear. Atle felt small, in a way he never did otherwise.
“You are bleeding”, he said it like a question, but it really wasn’t.
“One of my accidents”, Atle answered.
Lucann was visibly uncomfortable, the wrinkle on his forehead deepening by the minute. Atle brushed some dust out of his hair.
“So did we - “
“No we - “
“So I, um-”
A weak cough.
“I’m going”, said Lucann, decisively. He got up but stumbled, green in the face.
“Are you drunk?”
“No I am not.” He pressed a hand against the wall to keep his balance. “I just caught a cold in that terrible cave you call a home.”
Atle felt the need to defend himself, even though Lucann was obviously hungover and fighting for his life.
“I wasn't born in the cave. I have a house, you know.”
Lucann made a noise.
“Talk about it on the way to Waterdeep.”
He grabbed for a cape that hung on the door and swung it on. With that he was gone. Atle heard him bump into the wall and swear, loudly. He was also pretty sure that had been his cape. For someone who claimed they wouldn't be caught dead in his clothes, Lucann had sure cozied up in it.
Half an hour ago he had been dead. For the first time in a long time, Atle started to think about what he wanted in life.
***
Lucann was nowhere to be found when he made his way downstairs. Atle had stayed at the inn before, as a child, and was glad to see that it hadn’t changed. Gabrielle was sitting at a small round table (sherwood tree, prime condition) drinking a cup of tea. She looked up when she saw him and smiled sweetly.
“Did your sleep restore you?”
Atle sat down beside her.
“I feel restored, yes.” He felt a cold tremor run up his spine as he said it, but choose to ignore it. In all the important ways, his body worked again.
She hummed.
“Do you think your siblings will want to join us to Waterdeep? I have not dared ask, with everything, but it would be nice to have them around. Don’t you think?” She had always been so nice to him. Maybe that’s why he felt he could tell her first.
“I’m not coming back with you.”
Her eyes widened in quickly masked surprise.
“Oh?”
“I have another sister, Gabrielle. And I know she killed me,” he added. “But we dont let go in my family, no matter what pains we cause each other.”
Gabrielle had put her cup down. She took his hands in hers. They were warm, as if her godly flame had heated them.
“I guess I can understand that”, she said. “Have you told the others?”
He shook his head.
“Have you told Lucann?”
He left.
***
When Atle made his way outside he saw a flash of light and an explosion. Laughter followed. Mugo and Tisvia were throwing stones in the air for Xilna to explode with her newly found powers. On the side Outhra sat on the grass, her gaze absent towards the woods. Both Outhra and Tisvia looked a little pale, evidence that Atle had missed a night out. Not that he had reason to drink anymore, he thought, and looked around for Esther. She had taken to his new friends in unexpected ways. Not the social type, she was lounging on a spot of grass a ways away. He felt calmer just seeing her. Soon, they wouldn't have to part.
“Can I join you?” He asked.
Xilna, hungover and scared by his sudden appearance aimed poorly. Her laser burned a branch off of a nearby tree (pine, century old). If fell to the ground with a horrible crackling. Mugo was unfazed by this.
“Of course you can!” She said, and threw a rock at him. It hit him square in the face. It was surprisingly soft for a rock, like she had worked some magic on it. She looked apologetic, at least for a moment, before she was distracted by something shiny on the ground.
“It didn’t hurt”, he assured Xilna. She had not asked.
Outhra looked sadder than he could ever remember her being. Seeing as he was making his round of goodbyes, Atle felt he should pay attention to his friends for once. He lowered himself to the ground and bumped her shoulder with his own.
“Rough night?”
“You should see Lucann”, she mumbled.
“I did.”
She didn’t think to ask a follow up question.
“What happened?” He asked. She was so quiet. ”After I got, you know. Killed.”
She winced.
“It wasn’t your fault”, he said.
“No, of course you getting yourself stabbed wasn’t my fault, you idiot.”
Sensing he was missing something, Atle looked closer at her face.
“What are you not saying?”
She started to mumble something, he couldn’t quite make it out, when Xilna came up to them. She stayed standing, towering over the both of them.
“We couldn’t have known”, she said. “It was not her fault.” Outhra and Xilna shared an indecipherable look. Atle felt a lump form in his throat. They could never fully win, could they?
“What happened?”
“Your mother is still in the cave”, said Xilna. “The knife only worked on Dormion. We don’t know why.” They shared that look again, but Atle wasn’t paying attention.
“So she’s dead?”
“Not dead. Frozen.”
He looked over his shoulder towards Esther on the grass. She was basking in the glow of the sun. He could feel it as it was happening, the warming of the air. The ice receding and taking the threat of winter with it. He felt his will solidifying.
“I’m going to stay with my family”, he said. He shaded his eyes and looked up at Xilna, who nodded. He wondered why he had gotten away with dying without giving anything up, when she hadn’t. Maybe he was changed now, and there was no turning back. He could wake up, fifty years from now, to find that he was out of time on a deal he didn’t remember striking. Then again, wasn’t that life?
“We’ll see you again, yeah?” Said Outhra.
“Yes, you will.” He smiled. “I couldn’t stay away.”
As he walked in, he stopped by Mugo and Tisvia playing with marbles. Tisvia looked close to passing out, but Mugo was entertained. He patted Mugo on the head, she slapped his hand. Nevertheless, she smiled when he gave her the sapphire he had saved her. Tisvia gave him a soldiers salute. He returned it.
***
Esther had gathered most of his things already. They sat prettily in a canvas rucksack just beyond the front door of his childhood home. Atle was searching the bedroom at the inn for anything left behind when Lucann walked in. He was holding Atle’s cape.
“You’re back”, said Atle. “Where have you been hiding all day?”
Lucann brushed some hair from his face and cleared his throat.
“Around. At the bar.”
“Ah, the bar. Should have looked there first.”
“You looked for me?”
A beat of awkward silence.
“You stole my cape. I wanted it back.” Atle found he couldn’t tear his gaze from Lucann's face, even as he approached to hand the cape back. He fumbled with it but caught it, clumsily. “It’s a nice cape, right?”
Lucann frowned.
“It is rough, like you have sanded it down.”
“That’s the organic wool.”
Atle felt it swell within him, the need to say something real. Anything, whatever. They so rarely talked. If possible even less after that night at the summer festival. He sat on the bed. It had been made while they were away.
“I heard about my mom”, he said. He rubbed the cape with his thumbs, still looking at Lucann's elegant face. He sat down next to Atle, a safe distance between them.
“I am sorry about her”, he said. “We did not know.”
“Yeah, that’s what the others said.” To his horror, Atle felt tears well up. He swiped a hand under his eyes, roughly. Lucann was very tense. “I’m going to go back and see her, tomorrow.”
“I do not think that is a good idea”, said Lucann. “That cave is not safe.”
“Well, my mom is in there. I should be there too.” He knew he sounded like a child, but he didn’t care. Lucann stayed silent while Atle tried to force his burning tears back in the tearcanals. Then he said, quite slowly:
“I admire how much you care for your family.” He placed a tentative hand on Atle's shoulder. “But”, he continued. “You should not suffer just for the sake of suffering. When you return to her, return with purpose.” The advice was delivered kindly, but Atle was unprepared to accept kindness from Lucann. He turned towards him, so that Lucann’s hand fell from his shoulder.
“I have purpose! My purpose it to save my mom, which you failed to do!”
Lucann winced.
“Your sisters and brother were there, they failed too. This is not a battle you can fight right now.”
He hadn’t thought about that. In his minds eye, his siblings had all disappeared from the room the second he died and appeared safe and whole in the town. Now he considered it, the cold trek they all took back. Him, all limp and stiff. No help at all, as usual.
“Do not go back, not so soon”, said Lucann. He sounded pleading.
“How did they take it? My sisters?”
“Take what? You dying, or seeing your mother frozen in ice?”
“... not well, then.”
“No, not well.”
The curtains swayed as a gentle breeze blew into the room. It smelled like the forest, like dewy mornings and chilled woodsmoke nights. Atle sighed. It made him braver, the smells of home. The knowing that this was some sort of goodbye. He shifted closer to Lucann and grabbed his hand. Lucann tensed.
“What are you doing.” It was a statement, not a question.
“Thanks for keeping an eye on them when I was out”, said Atle. “I’ve always felt safe with you. I know they did, too.”
Lucann didn’t smile, but he looked less tense, which was his version of a smile.
“Glad to be of service”, he said.
Emboldened by this, Atle leaned closer. He said:
“Do you ever think about that night at- “
“Lets not talk about it”, said Lucann, and kissed him.
It wasn’t a long kiss, but it still shut Atle up. Birdsong filtered in from outside. They could hear the scrape of chairs in the downstairs restaurant. For Lucann, this might have felt like a beginning. Atle was satisfied with it being an ending. He smiled.
“I love this place.”
Lucann was slightly pink. He narrowed his eyes.
“Seeing as you left, I do not quite believe you.”
“You left your home, doesn’t mean you don’t love it, right?”
“Our homes are very different”, said Lucann, in a tone that made clear he didn’t want to talk about it. He leaned back, slightly. Atle was shit with social cues.
“Home is home, though. You love some, hate some.”
“Sure.”
He took a deep breath.
“I’m going to stay here, I think.”
That made Lucann stand from the bed. The floorboards creaked.
“What do you mean? You’re leaving us?” He said us in a way that sounded very much like me.
“I have to stay with my family, I thought you would understand that!”
The snide arguing was more familiar than whatever they had had moments ago. Still, it was crushing to see Lucann close himself off again. To the inexperienced eye, the shift was practically unnoticeable. Atle had spent some time looking at him, though. He could see when his amber eyes shuttered, and the tension straightened out his shoulders. Lucann was a busy man, and he had somewhere more important to be.
“Sure,” he said. And then he was gone.
Atle met his siblings in the last rays of evening sun. They had a long way ahead of them, but for now they were together.