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Girl, it's so confusing sometimes to be a girl (girl, girl, girl, girl)
Girl, how do you feel being a girl? (Girl, girl, girl)
Man, I don't know, I'm just a girl (girl, girl, girl, girl)
Marlene knew she liked quidditch, the color red, her friends, watching James and Sirius make fools of themselves, shirts that showed off her midriff, piercings, sunsets, and tequila.
Malene knew she did not like it when her hair got too long, falling off of her broom, History of Magic, uncomfortable sweaters, confrontation and rats.
Marlene knew a lot of things about herself, and even about other people. She thought she was good at reading body language and could tell if someone was uncomfortable just based on the way they were standing.
Marlene also knew a lot of secrets. Her best friend was Mary Macdonald so a lot of late nights in the dorm were spent gossiping about various dramas around the castle.
Marlene was very popular, with being a beater on the Gryffindor team and all around a cool girl will do that to you. She got invited everywhere, always had someone wanting to talk to her, and was used to first and second years trailing behind her.
Yeah, Marlene was liked by many and knew everything about everyone. Except for Dorcas Meadows, whom she kinda knew one thing about;
She was about 94% sure she hated her.
~~~
Yeah, I don't know if you like me
Sometimes I think you might hate me
Sometimes I think I might hate you
Maybe you just wanna be me
Dorcas and Mary became friends in third year when they took Arthimacy together. It was not long before she started to hang out with them, despite being the Slytherin. Marlene really liked Dorcas at first. She was undeniably the most beautiful person she had ever seen. She knew her from quidditch and the few classes they had together. The two of them had never really had a conversation before Mary brought them together.
The first time she hung out with her in the girl’s dorm with Mary, Lily, Dorcas and herself. It was not long before they were talking (maybe more like arguing) about quidditch. It was all in good fun and Mary and Lily were there to help diffuse the situation if things got too intense.
It was not long before these nights became a weekly occurrence.
~~~
You always say ‘let’s go out’
So we go eat at a restaurant
Sometimes it feels a bit awkward
cause we don’t have much in common
From that point on the four of them were joined at the hip. They always sat together at lunch and whatever classes the Griyffondors and Slytherins had together. Always the four of them. Or three. But never any less than that.
Until one day at dinner when both Mary and Lily were too busy, so it would just be Marlene and Dorcas. Which was fine! Her and Dorcas usually had their own conversation about various things as Mary and Lily were around, so tonight had no reason to be any different.
Except Marlene could not always tell what was going on in Dorcas’ head, at least not in the same way she could tell with Mary and Lily, or even the boys, and they were a whole lot of mysteries in themselves.
She thought Dorcas liked her. She did not always laugh at her jokes when the other did, and she even caught her rolling her eyes sometimes.
But they were friends, so there was nothing to worry about. Or so she thought.
They mostly sat in awkward silence. Marlene tried to talk here and there but was mostly met with signs and one-word answers from Dorcas, who did not even bother to make eye contact.
After that night Dorcas slowly started to pull away from their little group until it was just the three of them again.
Great, Marlene thought, I fucked this up.
~~~
People say we’re alike
We talk about making music
but I don’t know if it’s honest
One of Marlene’s best friends was Sirius Black. Who’s brother was Regulus Black. Who’s best friend was Dorcas. Meaning they where bound to see each other again at one point.
This happened when her and Sirius ran into them on their way to potions one afternoon.
Sirius and Regulus started talking, or arguing, Marlene was not paying attention, about something or another while Marlene and Dorcas made uncomfortable eye contact until it was time to go.
“Marlene”.
“Meadows,” was all that was said between the two of them.
Once they walked away, Sirius asked, “I thought you two were friends?”
“Yeah I did too.”
~~~
Can’t tell if want to see me
falling over and failing
and you can’t tell what your feeling
I think I know how you feel
Sometime in 5th year Gryiffdor and Slytherin were in a quidditch match against each other. It was a rainy day and any sane person would have stopped the game at once.
It was getting harder and harder to see and Marlene had to be extra careful seeing as she was one of the beaters. She spent all her energy focusing on not accidentally hitting her teammates that she did realize she was slipping until she was falling.
The match was paused once she hit the ground, groaning. Madam Pompfrey, Madam Pooch, James, and Sirius all surrounding her, making sure she was okay.
Normally she would have yelled at them all to get away from her but what she saw in the sky caught her attention first. Dorcas and Regulus were right above her, sitting idle on their brooms, laughing.
She knew they were on rival teams and all, but this felt like a new low, even for Dorcas.
So when Marlene got back on her broom with a new vengeance, she made sure the Slytherins would lose. Gryiffendor won the match.
Marlene took her time getting undressed, still a bit sore from her match. When she left to go back to the common room for the festivities and voice stopped her.
“Hey… good job today”, it was Dorcas waiting outside the locker room.
She paused. Then why were you laughing? Why did we stop being friends? What did I do to make you hate me? “Thanks”.
Dorcas nodded and walked away.
It was so confusing.
~~~
Girl, it's so confusing sometimes to be a girl (girl, girl, girl, girl)
Girl, how do you feel being a girl? (Girl, girl, girl)
Man, I don't know, I'm just a girl (girl, girl, girl, girl)
It’s been a rough couple of years for Dorcas. Well, mostly it’s been rough for her friends, so it’s been rough for her by association.
Her four closest friends all have family issues of some sorts, something she has thankfully been free of as an only child with two loving parents. Because of this she has been a shoulder to cry on, always available anytime of the night when someone needed to talk.
It’s been exhausting.
She loves her friends so much, but the emotional taxation of taking care of them has officially gotten to her.
She remembers hanging out with Mary, Lily, and Marlene back in third year. It was easier in some ways, not that she wanted to stop being friends with Regulus, Barty, Evan, and Pandora She just wanted to sometimes think about herself.
That was all thrown out the window when Sirius left his house and Regulus started to break under the expectation of his parents. Dorcas felt some obligation to be there for one of her closest friends. So she had to stop hanging out with the other girls. Telling them the truth was off the table of course and she never did come up with a good excuse Eventually she just stopped talking to them and that was that.
~~~
Well honestly I was speechless
When I woke up to your voice note
You’ve told me how you’ve been feeling
Dorcas could not help herself but watch Hogwarts resident ‘cool girl’, Marlene. She was always with her friends. Dorcas had her issues with Sirius after everything went down with Regulus, and James Potter was his own brand of obnoxious asshole, but they always looked happy. Happier than her little group for sure.
She missed Marlene, a lot. Missed the way she felt after being around her. Lighter, not as much baggage.
She wanted her friends to feel like that, she tried to make them feel like that. She remembered that day during the quidditch match in 5th year, the first time Regulus laughed after Sirius left. The game was paused and he just said something funny and the two of them just laughed about it, like it was normal for them. Despite losing the match, it was a good day.
Good days are very hard to come by now.
~~~
Let’s work it out on the remix
Fuck, Dorcas thought. She was in the dungeons, looking for an ingredient for a potion and so far could not find what she was looking for.
Just as she was about to leave the cupboard, Marlene walked in. They made brief eye contact before she made the rest of her way inside, closing the door where it was propped open.
“Marlene, the door-“. Click.
Fuck.
They were stuck.
“Where’s your wand?” Dorcas asked Marlene.
“Where’s your wand?” Marlene snapped back.
“I gave it to Barty, he needed to borrow it… for something.”
“Why would you give away your wand?”
“Does it matter?” Dorcas snapped this time. “What about you then?”
Marlene turned a shade of red. “It may have been stolen while the boys were experimenting for a prank… and broke.”
Dorcas hummed back to that.
Their eyes met again for a brief second before they both turned and started banging on the door, knowing that they were officially locked in here, hoping that someone would walk by.
After several minutes of this Dorcas just had a headache. “Okay, Marlene- Marlene, that’s enough, stop that. No one is coming.” Dorcas sank down with her back to the wall, pressing her fingers against the bridge of her nose.
Marlene shot her a pointed look before sinking down on the wall across from her.
~~~
You always say “let’s go out”
But then I cancel last minute
I was so lost in my head
And scared to be in your pictures
They sat in silence before Marlene spoke up. “What’s your deal?”
This made Dorcas look up from her hands. “My… deal?”
“You clearly have a fucking problem with me, and we are stuck her for Merlin knows how long, so come on then, what’s your deal?”
Dorcas was dumb founded. “What gave you the impression that I hated you?”
Marlene had a look on her face mixed with exasperation and confusion. “Oh I don’t know, maybe it was because you just disappeared, and it was after that dinner when it was just the two of us and you did not talk once-“
“Marlene, that had nothing to do with you.” She remembered that day very clearly. Right before Barty had cried on her shoulder about something his dad said. Throughout the dinner her mind was just focused on her friend.
~~~
Cause for the last couple years,
I’ve been at war in my body
I was trapped in a hatred
And your life seems so awesome
“Well what did it have to do with then?”
Dorcas sighed. “It… Look, I can’t tell you, okay? All you need to know is my friends are currently falling apart for this or that reason. You’ve got your perfect group right? Well my friends are not like that but I love them too much watch them go through this alone, so I need to be there for them.” She was near tears at this point.
Marlene was quiet for a minute. “You shouldn’t have to feel like this,” she said quietly.
Dorcas wiped her face. “What other choice do I have?”
“Well we are far from perfect but you could always be around us if you need a break.”
She huffed out a breath. “You guys probably don’t want me around.”
~~~
I never thought for a second my voice was in your head
“I do,” Marlene offered a small smile and moved next to her where she was sitting against the wall.
She looked so perfect, Dorcas thought.
~~~
Girl
They kissed.
~~~
‘You walk like a bitch’
When I was ten someone said that
And it’s just self defense
Until your building a weapon
Dorcas had never been one for opening up and talking about her feelings. It made her vulnerable in a way she did not appreciate.
Marlene and her starting getting together more after they made it out of the closet.
She very quickly leaned by talking to Marlene, who if left unchecked would talk about her emotions for hours, that she felt a lot better afterwards.
She had not had anyone to talk like that with. She had plenty of practice being the listener, but to let it all out finally made her much happier.
It was weird, knowing someone knew the inner workings of Dorcas Meadows.
~~~
She believed my projection
And know I totally get it
Forgot that inside that icon
There’s still a young girl from Essex
Like any healthy relationship, there’s balance. Dorcas and Marlene took turns sharing their thoughts, feelings, and deepest darkest secrets.
She learned that Marlene had a whole set of problems herself. That she wasn’t this perfect girl Dorcas thought she was. That she had self doubt, and anxiety, and everytime Dorcas had. They agreed to help each other through it.
~~~
And when we put this to bed
The internet will go crazy
Marlene did not tell anyone about the new development, except for of course Mary and Lily, who where excited that the drama that was never really drama was gone.
She and Dorcas had decided it was time to tell people. Not make a huge announcement or anything but to have people stop assuming they hated each other.
They walked into the Great Hall, hand in hand, over to the Gryffindor table.
The boy’s jaws were agape when they realized what happened.
“You’re dating Dorcas Meadows!?” Sirius shouted in shock.
All conversations stopped in the Great Hall and everyone stopped to look at them.
Well, looks like everyone knows now.
~~~
I’m glad I know how you feel
Cause I ride for you
Dorcas and Marlene’s relationship progressed wonderfully.
Some time after that day in the broom closet, they officially knew how they felt about each other when they said, “I love you”.
There were still hard times, and it looked like things were going to get harder, but at least they had each other through them all, with all their feelings out in the open.
The shape of their two imperfect souls fit perfectly together.