Chapter Text
“Great, we’re trapped in this hell hole on some alien planet. Now what?!”
Dennis paced around the dungeon that he’s trapped in, yelling at the others. Frank was lying on the floor exhausted from panicking. Not so much because they were in prison on some alien planet, but because it was reminding him of the mental institution he was in back in the day.
“Dennis, relax it’ll all work out. We’ll figure out, we’ve gotten out of tough situations before.”
Mac tried to keep Dennis calm, which was ineffective as he shot Mac a dirty look. So he went to talk to Charlie, who was doing his best to keep Frank calm. Dee leaned up against the wall, taking glances out the door every so often. She watched as the guards dragged some people out of their cells.
“There go some more people to die fighting. I heard they turn the losers into food, really messed up. You think they’ll take us next?”
The gang sat there in the dungeon, stuck in thought about their situation. In the quiet they could hear some people talking in the dungeon next to them. They were stuck listening to them go on and on for a while, eventually driving Charlie nuts. He went over to the wall and pounded hard on it while yelling.
“Shut up! Shut the hell up!”
He turned back to look at the gang, who all shared the frustration that Charlie did.
“God those assholes are always talking, they never shut up. Always going on and on about something called ‘Voltron’ and shit. I’d rather go into the arena than listen to them talk.”
“I hope they get dragged to the arena…”
The gang sat there in their cell, the people next door didn’t shut up. Suddenly, Charlie had a moment of clarity and genius.
“You guys, let’s bust out of here. I mean, we aren’t going anywhere staying here right?”
The others turned to look at each other and then to Charlie, he had a point after all. Only issue is just how they were going to do it. Dee turned to look at the window that gave them an outside view.
“How about the window?”
“Dee, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Dennis went to shut down his sister’s idea.
“Let’s try going through the window.”
Frank repeated Dee’s idea which received better reception from the others in the group. Much to Dee’s chagrin and frustration.
“See? That’s an idea, now then, how are we going to get up there?”
A vulture squawked at the window, throwing rib cages and bones through it.
“Alright, let’s stack these together like a ladder and see if that works.”
Charlie grabbed the bones that were tossed into the cell and started to make a makeshift ladder out of them. He stepped on it a few times to make sure it was stable enough for all of them to climb on.
“Alright, let’s do this. Let’s bust out of this damn place.”
“Move, I’m going first!”
Frank pushed Charlie out of the way to the ladder, he was busting out. Unfortunately the only thing blocking him from escaping was the window. He banged on it hard.
“Frank stop it, you’re going to attract the guards!”
“This damn window won’t budge, the bars are too stiff.”
“Let me have a crack at them Frank, with my strength I should be able to bend them.”
Mac climbed up the ladder to meet Frank at the top. He placed his hands on the window bars and tried to pull them so they would open. Mac let go of the bars and gave a subtle chuckle, trying to deflect from his struggle to bend them. He gave it another try and the bars seemed to finally budge as he screamed out in pain, Frank put his hand over Mac’s mouth to muffle the noise.
“Who’s making noise now bitch? Alright he did it, now let’s bust out.”
The rest of the gang climbed up the ladder to escape through the window. The ledge was narrow but big enough for them to walk it. Frank looked down and almost fell down before Charlie managed to grab him.
“Those big ass monsters are eating down there, a body just got dumped in. They’re just chucking them into the soup, I think I recognize that guy, poor bastard.”
“So…what now? How are we going to get down from here? That bone ladder isn’t going to work.”
They all stood there, trying to come up with an idea as they walked carefully along the edge. Soon, they came upon the window of the cell next to their’s.
“I have an idea, follow my lead.”
Dennis motioned to the others, leading them to the window.
“Hey assholes, suck it, haha. Maybe your Voltron will bust you out!”
The rest of the gang laughed at the group of people stuck in the cell who were visibly upset at the gang taunting them. They continued walking along the ledge, leaving the people in the cell alone. Soon they came to the end of the ledge, leaving them stuck.
“Alright, we’re screwed. Maybe we should’ve let them take us to the arena. Let them turn us into soup.
“Everything will work out Frank, trust me.”
As though luck was on Dennis’ side some of the large vultures came by. Taking a leap of faith he grabbed onto one allowing it to carry him, the others followed suit. The birds could only carry them so far without dropping them onto a pile of bones.
“Huh, guess this is where those monsters chuck the bones from the soup.”
Frank stood up on the bone pile, getting his footing. Dee was brushing off the bones in disgust.
“God this is disgusting, they’re all slimy and shit.”
“Shut up bird, we should pray for their souls.”
Mac put his hands together in prayer and lowered his head. The only other person to do it with him was Charlie.
“Where do we go from here? Just dick around on this planet and get captured again or try and leave it?”
“Maybe we can try and find that ship that brought us here?”
Dennis for once managed to agree with his sister instead of bashing down her ideas. Even though he’ll spin it to make it seem that he came up with the idea.
“Thank you for sharing my idea Dee, it won’t be hard to get back into the castle. I mean those stupid guards won’t even notice us.”
The gang went back to enter the castle, narrowly avoiding the guards at the door. They slunk past some more to try and find the ship. Finally, they found what they were looking for. Unfortunately, running to it got the attention of the guards who began opening fire on them.
“Shit. Shit. Shit.”
Frank cursed under his breath as everyone made their way to the door of the ship. He barely managed to keep up with the others and got in just before the ship door closed. Exhausted, he went to sit down on a chair.
“Alright, we made it, now how do we fly this thing?”
Charlie walked over to the control panel of the ship and started pressing various buttons on the panel.
“What the hell are you doing Charlie?”
“I dunno, maybe some of these will activate the ship.”
Sure enough the ship made a noise as it began to lift off and move as it was being shot at. Frank grabbed the steering wheel to guide it, crashing into things as he did so, including going through the castle wall. The others falling down as it moved around unstable. They finally made it out and into the sky.
“Oh thank god…now let me drive me Frank.”
Dennis shoved Frank out of the driver’s seat and sat in it, taking control of the steering wheel. Everyone else went to find a seat and sit down.
“Uh, guys, something’s following us.”
Dee took notice of a ship that was chasing after them.
“Guys…”
Her pleas were drowned out by the guys talking over her and yelling at each other over everything and anything. Eventually, she had had enough of it and yelled to grab their attention.
“YOU ASSHOLES, SOMETHING IS FOLLOWING US!”
The guys turned to look at the screen, showing a command ship that was chasing after them. It then began to shoot at them, shaking the ship they were in.
“Let’s try shooting back!”
“How Frank? We don’t even know how this thing works!”
“Let’s try it Charlie’s way, start pressing random buttons and see what happens.”
Dee and Frank pressed multiple buttons on the panels in front of them, sending off shots to the command ship following them. It seemed to work for a little bit, until they hit a lightning storm that shook up their ship, causing it to spin out. Eventually the command ship that was trailing them stopped.
“This is all your fault Dee!”
“Me?! Frank, I’m not the one who got us into this by trying to hook up with some alien chick.”
The ship left Planet Doom’s atmosphere and led them into space, being pulled into the atmosphere of another planet. A bright light shone through the ship’s window, encasing the gang in its light. Mac laughed with joy and excitement.
“The lord is accepting us with his embrace! We made it to heaven!”
The light went away after Mac spoke, revealing a statue of a lion and a castle in the distance.
“Sorry Mac, guess it’s not happening right now. But wherever we are, it’s better than that shit hole planet we were on.”