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“Wonwoo”, he turns at the sound of his name being called.
and for one second, it is as if the world has stopped. and Wonwoo isn’t Wonwoo anymore. his eyes are a bit softer. his nose is a little longer and slightly sharper. Jeonghan can’t be sure, but he’s almost certain he sees a mole underneath his eye. suddenly Wonwoo isn’t Wonwoo anymore.
instead, it’s Seokmin who turns his face to the sound of Wonwoo's name. It is Seokmin standing in front of him once more.
just for a second, the ball and chain that wears down Jeonghan's heart is featherlight. the world around him is filled with color. the rosey red in Seokmin’s cheeks, the brown in his eyes, and the pink in his lips. the warmth in his skin. it's a second that feels both eternally long and painstakingly short.
and then the second is over and now there is a lump in Jeonghan’s throat, blocking any noise that attempts to come out. the ball and chain feel not only heavier now, but like it’s trying to escape Jeonghan’s chest and rip his heart out with it. there is a certain itchiness coursing through his veins, huddling right at his wrists and he feels the urge, no, the need to scratch at it until it stops. his body is so incredibly heavy. the world is grey again. it's so devoid of color. he is devoid of color.
Jeonghan doesn’t cry often. he doesn’t like burdening the other members with negative emotions. the tears that are filling his eyes are so foreign, so unfamiliar. he hasn’t let them front since he lost Seokmin.
Wonwoo is about to answer his caller, but then his eyes meet Jeonghan’s and Jeonghan is staring at him so intensely. tear-eyed and suddenly looking so sick and heartbroken.
“Hyung?”
the voice that comes out isn’t Seokmin’s. but it's close enough. the tone reminds him of when he went to see Seokmin’s first musical performance. the worry that came after his surprised voice.
Seokmin’s voice reaching out to him, his “hyung?” concerned and loving.
Jeonghan breaks down. he’s gasping for air, air that refuses to fill his lungs. and it hurts. god, it hurts so bad. but there's nothing Jeonghan can do other than feel.
he brought this upon himself, when he made Seokmin that promise, kneeling beside his withering body. clutching Seokmins hand in between his own.
“I’ll find you, Seokmin-ah.
I will look for you in every person I meet.”
and Seokmin, so devoid of strength, could do nothing but give a little squeeze.