Chapter Text
Maya Bishop sat in her car outside their apartment, her fingers gripping the steering wheel tightly. She had been a captain, an athlete, strong and sure. But in this moment, she felt like nothing more than a broken version of herself.
She hadn't meant to find out. It had been an open secret until an envelope arrived on her desk. It was addressed to her, written in a handwriting she didn't recognize, sealed. She took the letter opener she kept in her drawer and ripped it open, sliding out a series of photos she couldn't quite understand. It was Carina. Carina and him. A man she knew little about—Carina didn't consider him her friend, or so she had led her to believe. But yes, it was him, and the setting was compromising. Dozens of photos in several locations with them in situations that a woman married to another woman should not have with any man.
"No one deserves to be taken for a fool like this." The note accompanying the photos read. "And she's been playing you for a long time."
It had been two years since their last serious argument after Carina had committed her to a 5150. But Maya had done everything she could to get her back, therapy had helped. Or so Maya thought. But this was proof that nothing was okay, nor had it been for all that time.
Maya held back the tears that threatened to spill over. Carina's betrayal had been heart breaking. She could never justify it. No matter what. There was too much evidence against her. The images were burned in Maya's mind. Carina cheating with a man, being caught through the window of a motel room, kissing him, tangled in the sheets with him, being fucked against the wall. The pain had been instant, sharp like a blade straight to her chest.
Taking a deep breath, Maya climbed out of the car and walked up to the apartment. Each step felt heavier than the last, her heart pounding in her chest. She opened the door slowly, bracing herself for what was to come.
Carina was in the kitchen, stirring a pot of something that smelled comforting, familiar. She glanced up, her eyes lighting up as she saw Maya.
"Bambina," Carina greeted with that warm smile, the one that had always been Maya's undoing. "I wasn't expecting you home so soon. I made your favorite."
Maya swallowed hard, trying to keep the lump in her throat from choking her. She had practiced this conversation in her head all day, but now, standing there, looking at Carina, her words faltered.
"We need to talk," Maya managed, her voice barely a whisper.
Carina's smile faltered, concern flickering in her eyes. "What's wrong? Did something happen at work?"
Maya shook her head. "I know."
Carina's brow furrowed as she kept stirring. "You know what?"
"I know about… him." Maya's voice cracked. She threw the pictures on the table, spreading all the shame she had been subjected to.
Carina froze, her eyes wide as the realization hit. "Maya—"
"I don't know who sent them, but I guess they were tired of your crap too," Maya continued, her voice gaining strength with every word. "What do you have to say? "
Carina dropped the spoon on the floor, the clatter loud in the silence that followed. "It's not what you think."
Maya laughed bitterly. "It's exactly what I think, Carina. It's you with him, kissing him, letting him touch you, fucking him! How could you?"
Tears welled up in Carina's eyes as she stepped toward Maya, her hands trembling. "Please, Maya, let me explain."
Maya shook her head, stepping back. "I don't want to hear it. I trusted you. I changed for you, and all this time you have been sleeping with him?"
Carina's voice cracked as she spoke. "I… made a mistake, Maya. A horrible mistake. But it didn't mean anything. It doesn't. You are the only one I love."
Maya looked at her, her heart breaking all over again. "How can you love someone while fucking another one for… I don't even know how long."
Carina stayed silent. The last thing she wanted was for Maya to start asking her questions, because she was ultimately right. This affair had gone from being a necessity at a time when Maya's cruelty and contempt had pushed her to the edge of the impossible, to being a means by which she could satisfy herself physically so that she could concentrate on her marriage. And she knew Maya wouldn't understand, perhaps because it was just an excuse. Her sex life with her wife was neither poor nor lousy but being with him served a somewhat selfish purpose. In the beginning it made her feel desired, empowered, strong when Maya didn't even speak to her for days. And that feeling had become an addiction that she never gave up, even when things got better between them.
"I want a divorce."
"No!" Carina gasped, panic rising from her heart. "No. Don't even say that. I can't lose you. Let's talk. I'll do anything."
"What's the point?" Maya said, defeated. Her voice barely above a whisper. "You lost me the moment you decided I wasn't enough. Let's just make it official."
Carina stepped closer with desperation in her eyes. "I'll do anything, anything to win you back. If you want revenge, take it. Cheat on me, hurt me if it makes you feel better. But please, don't talk about… divorce. I can't live without you." She had lost everyone important in her life. Her entire immediate family had died, her true friends had moved away. If she could count two or three doctors in the hospital, that was too many.
Maya blinked. "You want me to cheat on you?"
"If that's what it takes."
"I won't. I promised a long time ago I wouldn't. And I'm a woman of my word."
"I forgave you for that," Carina thought of using it as a way of appeasing Maya, but she did exactly the opposite.
"That happened just once! It was when we had hardly been dating for a couple of months! We are married now!" Maya confronted her. How could Carina compare the two?
"I know."
"Just tell me how long?"
Carina shrank. The bubbles of the stew continued to burst, thicker as the minutes passed.
"How long? Talk!"
Carina didn't want to admit it. Maya would never look back after that.
"Talk or grab your things and get out."
"About two years."
Maya imagined the time. Back then she could have even justified Carina's betrayal, she hadn't been in the right frame of mind to be a good wife and it had caused Carina a lot of pain. But in the last two years they had rebuilt. Until that day, Maya thought they were happy, they were looking for a family. It made no sense.
"You have been lying for years. Sleeping with him and me. Do you love him too?"
"No."
"How could you not?"
"He is just someone who's there…"
"I'm here! You don't go looking for him! You are married to me!"
"You are right and I'll do anything not to lose you."
"Anything?"
"Yes."
"You'd really stand by and watch me hurt you? Over and over again? Like you did to me?"
"If that's what it takes," Carina said, her voice trembling but firm. "If it means we stay together, then yes. I'll watch you. I'll suffer until we are even. Just… don't… I don't want a divorce. Please… don't leave me too."
The depth of Carina's plea made Maya's chest ache. A part of her wanted to lash out, to hurt Carina the way she had been hurt. But another part of her— the part that still loved her with every fiber of her being— felt trapped in the gravity of this moment.
"I don't know if I can forgive you," Maya whispered, her voice thick with emotion. "Ever."
Carina's tears fell freely now and she broke down in front of Maya, looking at her with the deepest regret. "I'm not asking for forgiveness, not yet. I'm asking for a chance to prove to you that I'll do whatever it takes. That I'm sorry. That I'm still yours, only yours."
Maya stared at her, torn between the love she had always felt for this woman and the devastating betrayal that now stood between them. She got close to her, their faces inches apart.
"You broke me," Maya whispered. "And I don't know if I can ever be whole again."
Carina reached out, her hands trembling as they cupped Maya's face gently. "Then let me break, too. Let me suffer for you, until we're both shattered, and then we can put the pieces back together. Please."
Maya closed her eyes, the tears finally spilling over. She didn't know what the future held for them, whether they could ever repair what had been torn apart. But in that moment, with Carina's hands on her face and her heart breaking, she knew she wasn't ready to walk away. Not yet.
"Okay," Maya whispered. "We'll stay together for a while, but I'm not your wife."
Carina took a step back.
"I don't know if I can forgive you, but I can't go back to us… not yet. I'm not your wife, we are not together, even if we are legally. We are roommates. You will move into the guest room. And if we work this out, fine. I'm not counting on it. But if nothing changes in a year, I'll file for divorce. Whether you want it or not."
"I'll take it," Carina's voice filled with desperate hope. "We will figure this out."
Maya nodded, though doubt lingered at the edges of her mind. There was no guarantee of healing. But for now, she would let herself stay in the storm, knowing that nothing would ever be the same again.