Work Text:
“You cannot marry each other!” Cressida shouted, pointing towards Anthony and Penelope.
Penelope and Anthony looked at each other in confusion.
“Sure we can,” Anthony said. “This is fanfiction. Anything can happen. I can even marry Footman John in a fanfic if someone wanted it.”
Cressida mouthed a few words before finally getting out, “well what about Kate?”
“What about me?” Kate asked boredly. “This is fanfiction. I don’t even have to be involved.”
“It’s racism! To not have you and Anthony together!” Cressida shouted.
Kate shot Cressida an annoyed glance.
“This is based on a Shonda Rhimes TV show where they solved racism with a ball which is then based on a book where the author, Julia Quinn forgot about the Napoleonic war and sent one of the characters on a tour of Europe. There’s no way you’re applying real life race politics to this,” Kate said.
“Besides, I'm a literal British aristocrat. I’m a part of the violent colonization happening in the Indian subcontinent right now. The East India Company is the richest company at the moment, creating all of its wealth by extracting it from the Indian people and throwing them into famine after famine,” Anthony said. “Shouldn’t you be protesting that whitewashing of history instead?”
Cressida hesitated before replying, “Well it’s fiction so…”
“Ah, so it’s fiction and no big deal when it involves a pairing that you like. But if it involves a pairing you don’t like, you want to send corny embarrassing hate messages?” Penelope asked.
Cressida sputtered, “well - well -”
“Also dude. I’m from fucking India - one of the most beautiful places in the world with some of the best food in existence. Is it really a great loss if I decide not to marry a British guy and eat pickled custard or whatever the fuck in a land where they bathe like once a year?” Kate asked.
"Also. I'm in love with the author of this fanfiction," Kate said, pointing towards an extremely attractive woman with a great body, a lot of money and a FAT ASS.
“Seriously, dude – this is fanfiction. You’ll be alright if someone writes a pairing you don’t like. You don’t have to shit yourself about it,” Anthony said.
“Let’s get you touching grass. I love…grass.” Penelope said.
And then they all touched grass and had jobs and lives and did not care what pairings other people shipped. 👍🏽