Work Text:
"That was good work."
"What?"
Fool turns his gaze to the man standing besides him. He can't look for long. Cloneman counts the seconds he stares, focuses in on the way his gaze searches his face and the quirk of his mouth. His chest aches but he can't be the one to look away first. Fool gestures at Big Bircha.
"You did good work. I'm really impressed."
"Really?"
"I wouldn't lie to you."
No. Not like he did. He had lied to Fool about who he was, although he realized that the lie was weak. He hadn't done a good job with that one. He wasn't able to replace Milkman well enough, good enough. In a way that Fool wasn't able to tell that something was wrong, something was off. What was it that made him doubt it first? Cloneman didn't want to dwell on it. That was over now. He had served his purpose and now he was just here. A second Milkman. An inferior copy.
"You're apart of the Birch Kingdom. I'm looking forward to seeing more of what you can do."
"Are you sure it's okay if I stay here?"
A hand on his shoulder. Cloneman hadn't looked away from him yet. Fool looks surprised when he looks back at him and sees him staring. There's another twitch of his mouth, like he wants to frown, but he doesn't. It hurts more than he doesn't show how he really feels. The hand tightens, just slightly, but Cloneman can't help but be tuned in to the touch. It is so small, but he'll take it.
"Of course. It's your home too."
"But it's not... I'm not him. I'm not really one of you. Wouldn't it be a pain if I was around? I don't want to confuse anyone."
"It is a bit strange, I won't lie. It might be difficult for others to tell the difference between you and Milkman, but I'm sure in time you'll grow to develop your own sense of self. And no one will mistake you for the other."
It was meant to be reassuring, Cloneman knew that. Fool was trying to tell him that he would become his own person given time, but it didn't feel comforting. How could it? Cloneman wished that Fool would mistake him for his original self. He wished that Fool would look at him, just once, and see him and feel the way he did for his other. Had he ever looked at him that way? Even if it wasn't real, even if it was a lie, Cloneman wished just for a moment, he would be the same as Milkman. Just in his eyes.
"You're right. Maybe I could do something with my appearance. Make me stand out. I think the other two talked about finding ways to look different."
"You talk to them often?"
"We didn't really communicate before Avid had his change of heart." Or whatever happened. Cloneman wasn't entirely sure what went on. There was a lot of information that Avid hadn't shared with them. Some part of him was bitter about that too. He wondered if he asked now, how much he would share. "But now that everyone knows about us and our originals have been freed, there's no reason not to. We've been discussing what we should do with ourselves."
"Do you think you'll leave?"
"I don't know." He didn't want to. If he was welcomed here, then he didn't want to have to go. "I guess it depends on if the other kingdoms want them around. Want us around. If we feel comfortable here. There's a lot to consider."
"I don't think it's right to throw you three out. It's not your fault that you exist. It's Avid. Honestly if the others turn on you, he should be the one to take you all in. You're his creations."
He still sounded angry. Cloneman understood that. The person he cared about the most had been taken away, had been replaced by a copy. A copy that wasn't him, wasn't really him. Cloneman still had a lot programmed in his core. It had been rough to try and shake away any sort of urge for safety. To try and protect people from falling into the Void. That had changed now. So now it felt more like a defect. Could they be fixed? Could they really change to be something else, something they weren't mean to be?
"You look troubled."
"I'm just not sure what to do."
"I'm sorry."
He looked away at some point. When did he look away? When did Cloneman stop looking at Fool? He was still touching him, his hand still firm on his shoulder.
"Why are you apologizing?"
"You're dealing with a lot. I wish I could help."
"You've opened up your home to me. Yours and his." Not his. Not Cloneman's. He wasn't apart of this place, not really. He wasn't apart of their home or their kingdom or their family. He was an outsider. "I can't ask for more. Nothing is your fault."
"You could."
Cloneman stiffen. He pretend he didn't hear him. Didn't want to know what he meant, what that could possibly mean.
"Does he want me here?"
"Milkman?"
"Yes. I should talk to him. Last time... I think we have a lot to talk about."
"Including me?"
Fool's hand dropped from his shoulder. Cloneman could still feel it. It made him want to lean in closer, chasing the touch, the closeness. Just a little bit. Just enough.
"We have similar... interests."
"That's one way to put it."
What was Cloneman supposed to say? What was Fool trying to imply? He could no longer look at the man. The ache in his chest was too strong. If he looked at him right now, what temptations would plague him? He wished that he had never been created. Wished that these feelings (his or mine? did it even matter at this point?) didn't exist. If Cloneman could do one thing to change himself right now, he would rip out his heart and leave it behind. It was cruel to feel like these feelings were a copy of the feelings Milkman felt, only, Fool would never return his. He wasn't the one that Fool would have burned down everything for. He was simply a clone. A pale intimation of the man he could probably love. Not him, never him.
"You did good work."
"Doesn't feel like I did enough."
"You have time now. To do whatever you want."
Whatever he wanted. If he stayed long enough, if they wanted him around long enough. What kind of things could he create for the Birch Kingdom? Would Fool keep praising him, complimenting him, if he worked hard? Would it be enough for him? It was better than the alternative. That was all that he knew.
"I should get going. MM has been messaging me wondering where I am."
'Don't take him away from me yet. He's already yours. Don't take the time I have with him.'
"I didn't mean to keep you. Working on something together?"
"It's a d- We're just hanging out. Don't worry about it. I'll see you later then?"
"I'll be around."
A smile. One just for him. Cloneman drank it in. Just a small thing, but it was enough. Had to be. Fool nodded and turned to leave. Cloneman watched and then turned back to Big Bircha. Only when he was alone did he slump to the ground, trying not to cry. Trying not to think about what they were doing. Why couldn't it have been him? Why did Milkman have to come back? A reminder that he would never be him.
"I'll make it prettier."
Cloneman got to his feet. There was work to be done. So that he could hear Fool tell him that he did a good job and give him a smile.
Again.