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“You’ll have to kill me first.”
No, no, no nononono… Even in the middle of the fight, trying desperately to hold his own as debris and even people went flying, Nick heard Sean’s words clearly. Sean. The man he loved, who he had a family with, unconventional though it may be. Strong and defiant. Immovable as he protected their children. Nick was going to yell at him for tempting fate but he needed to stop him from dying first.
Nick barely made it outside the abandoned cottage before his life, his entire world, was falling to the ground. One hit and Zerstörer had taken him as easy as breathing.
Nick skidded to his knees in the mud, caught Sean around his waist as he fell, pressed frantic kisses to his clammy forehead and scrabbled for the stick, touching it against any part of Sean he could reach.
“Nick.”
Sean’s lips barely moved around his name. Blood dripped from them. This was a nightmare, it had to be. He couldn’t lose Sean.
“Please, fuck, come on!” Nick was nearly crying with frustration. Sure, the stick hadn’t revived Hank or Wu or anyone else at the station, but Sean… It had to work.
He choked on a sob as his eyes met Sean’s one last time. Read in them his love, his regret for the long life together that they’d hoped for, lost now.
Then Nick recognised the pleading in those beloved hazel eyes. The slight tilt of his head towards the house where their children were trapped with Zerstörer. Saw the desperation.
He looked around, finally realising the death and destruction that had happened while he’d been focused on Sean: Rosalie, Monroe and Adalind. All dead. He’d mourn them later. Right now, it was taking everything he had to hold himself together.
“I love you - I’ll keep them safe,” he breathed, holding Sean as his eyes closed and his breath stopped, before Nick ran for the house.
It had been the most gruelling and confusing fight of his life, but he’d done it. Zerstörer was gone. His mother and Aunt Marie had been there. Diana and Kelly were safe. Half of Portland was gone, blood filling up the gutters. Hank, Wu. Everyone at the precinct. Adalind. Eve. Monroe. Rosalie.
Sean.
Nick was empty, a great aching chasm where everything that mattered should’ve been. He’d managed the battle on autopilot, shutting down every last feeling as the atrocities piled up. He’d done what had to be done. But now… now there was nothing left. Nothing.
He wanted to cry, scream, destroy the universe at the unfairness of it all. His loving, tender man, strong and fair and always working for the good even when he was forced to pretend otherwise. He had sacrificed himself without hesitation and still, no-one would know how much he’d given.
All the dreams they’d had of finally being able to live in public together, raise their kids together. The dreams they’d had of summers spent by the beach, of restaurants Sean wanted to take Nick to where they could hold hands across the table, of Christmases with their kids and their friends.
They’d been so close, too.
It seemed only a few short weeks ago that they’d been curled up together on the couch at the secret home they’d shared, laughingly planning their first public date.
“This is it,” Sean had said. “The council gone, Black Claw taken out. Even our families aren’t an issue anymore.”
”The last big bad before we go public,” Nick had laughed, giddy at the thought of it. “Just you and me and our kids in a house in the suburbs.” He’d laughed again. “Are we thinking a relationship hard launch? Big party for our first public date? Do I get to show off how hot my boyfriend is in a tux? Make out with you a little in front of everyone?”
Sean had pulled Nick onto his lap, smiling in a way that only Nick ever got to see. “Whatever you want. I love you, Nicholas Burkhardt. And I can’t wait to show the world how much.”
Nick had nuzzled into Sean’s neck, hiding his blush. “You’re such a sap,” he’d replied, but it had come out soft and pleased.
Sean had tucked a finger under Nick’s chin so they could meet each other’s eyes. “No matter all the pain and stress and hiding, this is worth it. You are worth it. I want to marry you and raise our kids together and cook vegan barbecues for Rosalie and Monroe on the weekends. Ballet concerts, soccer games, PTA meetings, lazy Sunday mornings in bed when the kids are with Adalind - I think we’ve earned our quiet life.”
Nick’s tears fell unchecked over Sean’s broken body as he remembered. They had, they had more than earned it. And Sean more than anyone.
”I’m so sorry, Sean.” He murmured over and over again against Sean’s too-still chest.
Everything was nothing. There was no moving on from this. Somehow, he’d survive for their kids. But nothing would ever be truly good again.
“You loved him, huh?”
Nick hadn’t noticed Trubel’s approach. He looked up, unashamed of his red eyes, and saw Diana standing slightly behind the other Grimm.
He stretched out a hand. “Come here, princess,” he said, voice soft.
“Daddy,” Diana ran to him, flung herself into his arms.
“I know, sweet girl. I’m so sorry.” He felt her tears on his shoulder just as he knew his own were falling on hers.
“Uh, Nick? I know you’re having a moment, but…”
Nick looked up to where Trubel was pointing. Fuck. What now? What had been Zerstörer’s body was turning into a cloud of smoke, growing and swirling. Threatening. He’d already lost the man he’d hoped to spend the rest of his life with. Would he lose his children, too, after all?
Carefully, he got to his feet, pushing Diana behind him. He stepped towards the cloud of smoke slowly, then felt a tug on the staff he was still holding. What? The pull grew suddenly stronger, dragging him into the cloud. He couldn’t let go, not after everything they’d gone through. It would destroy the world.
Nick threw a panicked glance over his shoulder to Trubel and Diana - and wouldn’t this just mess his poor girl up even more - as he was sucked into the cloud of smoke.
Nick was tumbling, on and on. No idea where he was or what was happening. Nothing but the knowledge that his kids were alive and hopefully safe with Trubel and the emptiness where Sean should’ve been, filling his heart and his life.
He fell. He didn’t know where, didn’t care.
And then he landed.
He was in Monroe and Rosalie’s house. In the sitting room, where he’d been with everyone - with Sean - only hours, eons, ago. He looked around.
“Sean!” It was cracked out of him, a broken, desperate sound, but he didn’t care. Because there was Sean - alive! Right there, crashed to his knees on the floor beside him. Holding him, breathing him in, pulling him close.
“Nick, sweetheart. I’m here.” Sean stroked Nick’s hair as he spoke, voice low and soothing. Nick could feel his tears dampening Sean’s neck. His breath hitching uncontrollably, he tried to hold back the sobs.
”Mon cœur,” Sean murmured, taking one of Nick’s hands and pulling it over his heart so that Nick could feel the steady beat. Soon his breath was calming with the reassurance that Sean was alive.
“Rosalie, could you please make a pot of your chamomile and spearmint tea? Nick has his with a little honey - it will help him calm down.”
Nick listened as Sean spoke, his authority soothing. Sean knew how to take care of him. If Rosalie was surprised as she left the room to make the tea, Nick didn’t notice. He was too focused on Sean, and his warm, spicy smell.
”It worked, Papa. I got Daddy back for you!”
Nick looked up to see Diana standing just behind Sean.
“You did this, Princess?” He asked, holding out his hand that wasn’t pressed against Sean’s chest. She nodded, coming forward and curling into his arm. Nick breathed in her sweet candy floss smell as Sean wrapped an arm around both of them.
“What happened, Diana? Has he come back, too?”
Diana shook her head where it was pressed against Nick’s shoulder. “He’s dead and won’t come back. We’re all safe.”
“Uh, Nick… hate to interrupt this little cuddle-fest, but why are you wrapped around the Prince?” Monroe asked.
“Kelly?” Nick asked, looking around and ignoring Monroe’s question.
“Fast asleep,” Adalind replied, indicating his baby carrier the corner.
“Holy shit. You’re alive. You’re all alive!” Nick knew he probably sounded hysterical, but he couldn’t help it.
“Was I ever not alive?” Wu asked, and Nick wasn’t sure he could contain the sudden joy. “But when you’ve got a second, there’s the issue of a pot to settle…”
“It’s really over, then,” Nick breathed, tuning out of Wu’s chattering as Diana disentangled herself and went to curl up beside Adalind. Nick knew he should be engaging more with his friends, but Sean had been dead a few minutes ago, and he couldn’t get over the wonder of having the man he loved alive in his arms again.
Sean caught his eye. “The last big bad?”
A laugh, loud and bright, bubbled out of him, finally overcoming his attempts at keeping it in. “The last big bad,” he nodded. “I know it’s not a big party with tuxes, but-”
Before he could even finish his sentence, Sean’s lips were on his. Gentle but insistent, devouring him in all the best ways. And always, Sean’s heartbeat was grounding under his palm.
“I love you,” Sean pulled back just enough to murmur. “That’s all that matters. We can save the tuxes for our wedding.”
Somewhere nearby, a teapot and a try of mugs crashed to the ground.