Archive of Our Own ^beta

Dear diary,

Ok, no idea why I’m doing this probably because I am going insane at this point but hey I’m going to rationalise it as me giving the police something to go off if they ever find this.

My name is Akabane Rationald Karma. I am fourteen years old and I have red hair, orange eyes.

Two weeks ago I think that’s what they have told me at least I was kidnapped from my home by a group of cultists… yay? They took me because I am a hermaphrodite (as if that didn’t give me enough problems already) and their god or deity whatever was a hermaphrodite. What makes it worse?

Its name was Karma and they had red hair so that is just fucking unfortunate.

So far I have been kept in a cage alone apart from when they wanted to perform a ritual so yay… I have been poked and prodded and stripped and re-dressed in front of this group.

It is hell.

They gave me this diary so I decided to I guess write in it to save me from going insane.

The first couple days I was waiting for Korosensei (my teacher), Karasuma-sensei (again my teacher) or even Miss Bitch (you will never guess who she is…). But they never came, no one has, not even a peep. I had expected this from my parents but not my teacher’s maybe I overestimated how much they care.

This got depressing, so anyway yeah I am trying to escape but it hasn’t worked yet. I just want to go home back to E class. I miss them a lot more than I would never had emitted before I came here.

.
.
.
Dear Diary,

Why am I writing it like this I don’t know but I thought I should explain what just happened because I don’t know if I can fully comprehend this yet you know trauma and all… sir always said I need to stop being so balsa about trauma but he’s not here right now is he so I can cope as much as I want grammar no longer is important to me here I feel like I have more things to worry about.

Anyway better actually tell you guys what happened the police if they ever find this might be interested in knowing this.

… they impregnated me not like rape or nay thing (well sir would probably tell me that it is but again he isn’t here so fuck it not rape I guess my body my choice or not anymore… fuck just tell the damn story Karma, God I sound fucking insane rn) but… they shoved a turkey baster in me full of them… and said that I am going to get pregnant so yeah that’s what they want from me.

I might cry I hate this, I don’t think it hurts as much as it would have if they used their dicks so maybe I thank them for that but I don’t know I really just want to go back to E class right now I miss my friends and I miss their warm smiles and hugs and their stupid brains. I want to go home.

.
.
.
Dear diary.

I am pretty sure that Nagisa would look fantastic in a train pink dress.

Love Karma xxx (ps Nagisa is my boyfriend he isn’t a girl)

.
.
.
Dear Diary,

I can feel something happening to me, I don’t know if it’s just the placebo affect but something is moving inside me. Actually it is almost certainly the placebo affect as no baby grows that quickly. It’s still concerning though I think I may be going insane. Probarly its just a product of my environment which at the moment is still the smelly, dank cage they are still keeping me in.

I want this thing out of me, even if its not actually moving yet or doing anything harmful. I. WANT. IT. OUT.

No one has come to save me yet and I don’t think anyone will by now, I really do want them to come I really miss my class and Nagisa, and the others. I want to go home…

.
.
.

Dear Diary,

This past week or at least I think it has been a week has been hell. Turns out they didn’t get me preggo to give birth to their god, no because that would be too fucking easy huh?

Turns out their God actually had ten misscarrages an dthe blood of its dead children formed the bases for all life on the planet so their plan is to impregnate and beat me until I have miscarried ten times which is so fucked up.

I am in so much pain my stomach hurts, my hands hurt and honestly everything hurts.

They essentially after leaving the baby to grow in me for two weeks straight then… they dragged me to a ritual room or something and nailed me to a cross like a fucked up crucifix then punched and kicked me for days straight fuckers.

Anyway by the third day blood was pouring out from between my legs and pretty much everywhere else, they then forced me to wail as if I was distraught for two more days and then finally they let me come back here.

Its not that I wasn’t sad after all I- despite not wanting it it was a living thing… or not I don’t know where I stand on that debate. I don’t know it just hurts and I don’t like thinking anymore.

It really upsets me that my mind is slowly slipping, it really upsets me that this is the only somewhat academic thing I am doing is this writing and the back of the book where I am working on some maths problems so don’t judge whoever if anyone finds this. Just ignore it.

Anyway I’m not sure if I'm going to die because of this I did lose a lot of blood if I do die please someone make Nagisa dress up in a dress at my funeral, if I even have one.

.
.
.

Dear Diary,

I don’t think I’m going to survive this two more babies and two more beatings two more deaths.

I’m fucking tired and I’ve lost so much blood and I am so dirty, what I wouldn’t give for a stupid bath.

This is probably my last entry as my hands have holes large enough to fit terasaka’s stupid dumb head through, so yeah if anyone actually finds this just tell someone that I loved my class and that my parents fucking suck also they have like two billion pounds of stolen drugs in our basement but yeah… bye bye.