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"Captain, we found a girl in the sea. She's pleading for help. What should we do ?"
Lily looked up from her desk. Her second-in-command and best friend, Remus, was in the doorway.
"Let her board the ship, and have some rations. Give her some clothes to change into. Then I want to meet her," Lily decided. They didn't often have people ask for sanctuary aboard the Rebelflower, but Lily would always give them help. Sometimes they even joined the crew, like Marlene.
"Aye aye," he said in agreement before leaving.
Once he'd left Lily's cabin, she went to arrange for a sleeping space for this girl. Maybe it wasn't common among pirates, but Lily didn't see why she couldn't show some decency to her guests.
She walked purposefully to one of the shared cabins.
"Alice, hey. You heard we've got a guest?" Lily asked.
"Yeah, new blood, can't wait. You need me to do anything for her?” replied Alice.
“She’ll need a place to sleep, can you make up an extra bunk for her? I don’t want her to be stuck with the guys.”
Alice grimaced apologetically. “Sorry, Lils, we don’t have any more bunks, or space for any either. I could ask around and see if someone’s willing to share a bunk for a while, but I don’t think many people will be up for that.”
Lily thought for a second. “Don’t worry about it, Alice, I’ve probably got room in my cabin. The girl can sleep in my room. I’m awake most of the night anyway.”
“Sorry I couldn’t help, even if you sorted it out like always.” Alice beamed. She’d been one of Lily’s friends for years, almost since she first became a pirate. Lily’s first crew had been led by Alice’s boyfriend, Frank, and they’d always treated her well.
“Al, stop apologising, it’s my own fault for being so damn charitable. Anyway, I’m gonna head to dinner, you coming?”
“Is that even a question? Of course I am, I’m starving.”
“When aren’t you hungry?” Lily teased.
They strolled down to the dining area, passing over some creaky floorboards along the way. Lily made a mental note to have them fixed.
Remus was outside the dining hall when Lily and Alice arrived.
“Alice, Lily, hey,” he greeted. He faced Lily then continued, “The girl’s in the dining room, she’s sat by Marlene. I gave her one of your dresses, and she was grateful but she started crying when she saw it. No idea why, but she seems alright now.”
Lily nodded in acknowledgement, then proceeded into the dining hall.
When she passed through the door and saw who was sitting to Marlene’s side, she stopped dead in her tracks.
No.
It can’t be.
Can it?
Sitting next to Marlene was a beautiful woman of Lily’s age. She had long black braids in her hair, and supple, rich, brown skin that Lily had once worshipped like others worshipped God.
“Lily, you okay?” Remus murmured in her ear.
Lily shook herself. Stop staring and get on with dinner, you can deal with this afterwards.
“I’m fine. Let’s eat.”
And yet, she couldn’t find it in her to look away from the woman she had once loved, the woman she had abandoned and left alone five years ago.
“Evening everyone,” Lily said, trying to swallow the lump in her throat, “We have a guest joining us for a while. We brought her in from the sea earlier today and we’re providing sanctuary for as long as she needs.”
“Thank you for helping me,” the woman said, “You didn’t have to help me, but you did, and I’m very grateful. I’m Mary, by the way. Mary Macdonald.”
“I’m the captain of the Rebelflower. My name’s Lily. This is my second-in-command, Remus,” Lily said, trying not to show how truly pointless the introduction was. Mary already knew who Lily was, better than anyone else in the world.
“It’s nice to meet you,” Mary responded in a flat tone. She was looking anywhere except at Lily, and it hurt. Lily hadn’t hurt this much in… well, she couldn’t remember.
“Why’s everyone just sitting there? Start eating, we know you want to,” Remus exclaimed.
They walked to their seats at the centre of the largest table, and sat down. People started talking to Lily, telling her stories about their days, but she wasn’t listening. She was watching Mary, who was talking to Marlene.
“Lily, are you alive in there?”
She jerked her head up to face Remus. “Sorry, what? Were you saying something?”
“Lils, what’s going on with you? You were fine earlier, but now you’re super spaced out, you can’t focus, and you’ve barely touched your food. I’m getting worried,” Remus said.
“It’s nothing. I’m fine, don’t worry about me.”
Remus cocked an eyebrow in disbelief. “C’mon Lils, I’m your best friend, I know you better than that. You can tell me what’s wrong, I’m not going to tell anyone.”
Lily looked down, then met his eyes. “I’ll tell you after dinner, okay? Once we’re done, I’ll go with you to your cabin and I’ll tell you.”
Lily could tell that Remus wanted to insist that she tell him now, but he knew her too well to try and force her.
“Okay, fine. Whatever it is, Lils, it’s not going to change how I see you, you know that, right? You’re my best friend and always will be. That’ll never change.”
Lily reached under the table for Remus’ hand and squeezed it. “Thank you, Rem.”
~~~
A while later, they had finished their meals (Lily hadn’t had much appetite, but had forced herself to eat as much as she could. Being a pirate captain was hard work, and she needed to keep her energy up.) and they were sat in Remus’ cabin.
Remus poured two glasses of rum, and handed one to Lily.
“So,” he began, “I’m assuming your brain being fucked up is because of that Mary?”
She met his eyes, took a deep breath, and began her story. It was one she had never told, and yet, it came so naturally to tell it.
“Five years ago, I lived in a town in England with my parents. They had a lot of money, and I was very privileged, but the town was a pretty poor town. The other kids my age stayed away from me because of the class difference. For a long time, it was just me and my sister, but eventually, she got married and moved out, and I was alone again. For a while, there was this boy, Severus, and I would sneak out to meet him and we would get up to all kinds of shit. Throwing eggs at people’s houses, jumping out from bushes to scare the village girls, that kind of thing. Then, I found out he’d been talking about me to the village boys. Bragging that I did anything he asked, that I’d defiled myself for him, that he’d done all kinds of things to me. We never did. He was my friend, but I never felt romantically for him.
“Then, one day, I confronted him about it. He got angry and tried to touch me. A girl was walking down the path in the meadow, and she saw what was happening. She punched him straight in the nose, and it was all broken and bloody. I think that was the moment I realised that boys had no appeal to me, girls did. She introduced herself to me then, said her name was Mary and she had just moved there with her father. She had money too, and had been worried that there would be no one else in the village who was similar to her.”
Lily chuckled a little, a sad, teary laugh. “Mary said she was sorry I’d gotten blood on my dress from Severus’ nose, and I said maybe she should take it since she was the one to dirty it. She just laughed and said “ Darlin’, it’s far too gorgeous on you for me to take it. ” We started spending every day together, whether we were running around the woods, or painting each other, or just sitting together. She was my best friend, and I was hers. But it wasn’t only that.”
Remus nodded in understanding. “You were in love with her.”
“I was scared that she didn’t feel the same, so I didn’t tell her. But one day, we had just been to the bakery to buy some bread, and one of the pieces looked like a heart. I pointed it out, and Mary said that maybe it was a sign, and she kissed me. It felt like my whole life was falling into place at that moment. I had my perfect future with the perfect girl. Fuck, I loved her so much I even told my parents,” Lily exclaimed.
“I’m guessing they didn’t take it well?” Remus ventured.
“Actually, the opposite,” said Lily, “They were asking me if any boys had taken my fancy for marriage prospects, and I just blurted it out. They didn’t even flinch or hesitate, they just said they wouldn’t have to worry about finding me a match. I gave Mary parts of myself I didn’t know existed. I bared my soul to her, and she did the same. She was the first and only person I slept with, the only person I’d ever fallen in love with. She was my best friend. We were two halves of the same coin. I called her my ravishing rebel because she had never met a rule she wouldn’t break, and she called me her fair flower because of my name and how much I loved the meadow.”
“Did she do something to you? Did she hurt you, Lily?” Remus asked, concerned.
“No,” Lily said with a sad smile, “I hurt her.”
“What did you do?”
“My parents were killed five years ago. It was a highway robbery gone wrong, according to their carriage driver. Their money all went to Petunia, my sister, and her horrible husband, so I had no choice but to live with them. They lived close enough that I could still see Mary, so I wasn’t worried about losing her, but I should have been. Petunia was different than she used to be. Instead of being the amazing, intelligent leader she was when we were teenagers, she was cold, and a glorified maid for her husband, Vernon. He was even worse. He said I was disgusting, called me all sorts of dehumanising bullshit, then at night he would creep across the house and try to get into my bedchamber. Luckily, I kept it locked, but I was terrified. I only lasted about two weeks with them. Vernon was having the bedroom locks removed, and Petunia was letting him do whatever he wanted. I had to leave.”
“So you ran away? Did you not tell Mary that you were going?”
“I tried. I sent her a note saying to meet me in the meadow where we first met and we could leave and have a life together, but Severus found the note before Mary did. Even after what he did to me, he was still trying to worm his way back into my life. He told Vernon that I would be at the meadow, and he made sure Mary didn’t. I waited at the meadow like I had said in my note, but Vernon and the village thugs showed up instead of Mary. I had to run, and they were chasing me for so long. I was sure they would catch up to me, but I found somewhere to hide quickly and they ran past. I knew they would have people waiting at the village for me in case I returned for Mary, so I ran away and I never looked back. I stowed away on a cargo ship at the first docks I found, and then Frank’s crew raided the ship. They found me and took me aboard, and you know the rest.”
By this point, tears were streaming down Lily’s face, and her hands were shaking. She had been trying to forget these memories for five years, but she had opened the floodgates. They were never going back. Those memories would always be with her, no matter how hard she tried. She could push them back as best as she could, but the scars would always be there.
“Lily, you know what I’m going to say,” Remus said.
Lily sniffed. “Yeah, you’re gonna tell me to get over myself and act like a fucking pirate captain.”
Remus frowned. “Definitely not what I was going to say. I mean, that would be a start, but I was actually going to tell you to talk to your fucking girl and then kiss the shit out of her. Seems to work pretty well to cure midlife crises in my experience.”
Lily playfully swatted him. “Shut up you bitch, I’m only 24.”
“Well, for pirates, that’s pretty old. The oldest pirate I’ve ever met is Mad-Eye, and he’s only about fifty. Anyway, stop changing the subject. Wipe your fucking tears, and go get your girl. I’ll cover your watch tonight.”
Lily got up and walked to the door, but before she left, she hesitated. Was she really going to do this? Beg for forgiveness from the one person she’s hurt the most in this life.
“Lily, stop stalling. I can practically hear you talking yourself out of it. Go. Use your mouth to talk to her. Then, use your mouth to snog the living hell out of her. Got it?” Remus insisted.
She turned her head and smiled at Remus. “Thank you. For everything you’ve done for me. If I go missing, I'll have killed myself out of embarrassment. Have fun at the funeral!”
Then, with certainty, she turned the knob of the door and left Remus’ quarters.
She was going to get her girl.
###
Mary was slowly going insane. Actually, that was a lie, she had very quickly gone insane the second she’d seen the dress that Marlene had given her from the captain. She’d recognised the lace pattern, and sure enough, when she’d checked the front of the dress, there was the faint blood stain from all of those years ago.
She’d been searching for Lily for so long it felt like forever, and her goal had always seemed out of reach. When she had been thrown off of the latest ship she’d boarded, she had been sure she was going to drown at sea, and no one would ever know. Being found by the Rebelflower had been a stroke of luck, even if it had felt like fate making a cruel joke at her expense. Really, a ship named after both of Mary and Lily’s nicknames for each other? A horrible coincidence.
Of course, now she knew it was anything but a coincidence. Lily had kept a piece of their past all this time, even if she had been the one to abandon their future.
Being in Lily’s sleeping quarters felt strange, like an odd sense of deja vu. It felt so familiar, and yet so alien to her.
Mary looked up suddenly. Was that a creaky floorboard or just the wind or the sea playing tricks on her ears?
She got the answer quickly, when someone knocked on the door. She got up and opened the door, and standing there, lovely as ever, was Lily, as beautiful as the flower she was named for.
“Hi Mary,” she said quietly. Her voice sounded thick, as if she’d been crying, and Mary felt a pang of pain for her. Mary had felt as if her world was ending and beginning all at the same time the moment she’d realised she’d finally found Lily, and she’d been actively searching for so long. Lily had probably thought that she would never see Mary again, and then she had turned up on Lily’s ship.
“Lily,” Mary said, wanting to say more, wanting to say so much more, and yet being unable to formulate her feelings into words.
“Can I come in? Can we talk?” Lily asked tentatively.
“Of course we can talk, Lily. I’ve been waiting five years to talk to the real you again, I’d almost forgotten what it was like.”
Lily furrowed her brows in confusion (God, Mary loved when she did that). “What do you mean, the real me?”
“After you left, I would find myself wanting to talk to someone and yet having no one to speak to. I would find myself thinking of what I wanted to say to you, and then I would think about what you were likely to say in return.”
“God, Mary, I’ve missed you so much. You can’t begin to understand how much I missed you.”
“Well, considering I’ve been trying to track you down for the last five years, I’d say I have a pretty good idea of how much you missed me.”
“You’ve been trying to find me?” Lily looked stunned.
“Well, I wasn’t chucked off a pirate ship for fun, was I?” Mary joked with a chuckle.
“Wait, back up, you were thrown off of a pirate ship?”
“Yes, that was how I ended up flailing around in the sea. I was incredibly lucky when your crewmates saw me and brought me aboard the Rebelflower. Nice name, by the way. Very personal.” She winked, and she saw a faint blush appear on Lily’s cheeks.
“I thought that if I couldn’t have the real you in my future, I should at least have some reminder. Something to hold onto that would remind me that happiness does exist,” Lily said with a heavy voice.
“Why did you go?” Mary asked, “All these years, I knew you didn’t choose to abandon me without warning, because you never would’ve done that, but why did you go without me? I know your sister and her husband were awful people, but I would’ve gone with you, I would’ve followed you to the ends of the earth.”
“I wanted you to come with me,” Lily responded, “I left you a note. But it was intercepted.”
“What? What note? Who intercepted it?”
“I wrote you a note telling you that I was leaving. I asked you to meet me at our meadow and we could run away and start our lives together somewhere where we could just be us, no awful family, no hateful ex-friends, just the two of us and what we had,” Lily explained, “but Severus saw me leaving the note for you. He read it, and he told Vernon about my plan. When I went to the meadow, expecting you, I was chased out of town by Vernon and his goons. I think they were going to kill me, or take me back and use me as a slave. I was exhausted, and I nearly collapsed several times, but then I found a small alcove, so I hid. The men ran past, and I could take my time to make a plan. I wanted to come back for you, I really did, but I knew that there were people waiting in town for me to go back, and I wouldn’t put you in any more danger than I already had, so I left and I never looked back, not once. I knew that if I looked back, sent any correspondence, they would find me, and they would drag me back kicking and screaming.
“I stowed away on a ship, then that ship was raided by pirates. I joined their crew, and eventually, I got my own ship. She was beautiful, and elegant, and dangerous, and I loved her, and she reminded me of you. I have missed you every day since I left, but I pushed it to the back of my mind because I thought I wasn’t allowed to think about my past before becoming a pirate. I thought that having just one thing that held a piece of you might help with that.”
Mary felt her lips curling upwards into a smile. “You named a ship after me.”
“Well, who else could I name her after, fucking Susan, the blacksmith’s daughter?” Lily joked.
“Well, Susan was quite pretty,” Mary said.
“You only say that because she made you a necklace as a birthday gift one year,” Lily insisted.
“Well, maybe,” Mary conceded, “but I stand by that, because it was a very pretty necklace.”
“That’s fair enough,” Lily said with a laugh, “Anyway, Mary, I’ve told you what happened to me- what happened to you? When did you leave, how did you end up searching for me? How did you end up getting chucked off another pirate’s ship?”
“It’s not nearly as horrible a story as yours, darlin’, but I’ll still tell it. After you ran, they tried to get me to admit to all sorts of crimes. They didn’t have any evidence though, and my father bribed them enough to stop going after me. His health declined, so he wasn’t in any condition to keep me under control. I started hiring people to ask around at various towns to see if they knew you. Eventually, one of the towns came back positive. Some barmaid had seen you board a ship, so I searched for the ship. Of course, I found out that it had been raided by pirates. I knew that you would have found a way to stay alive, stay safe, you’ve always been stubborn and brilliant like that.
“I decided to gather some things, and then start looking for you. I went around as many towns with docks as I could, searching for any whispers or rumours about you. It took me so long, but just a few months ago, I heard something,” Mary said, “There was a man in a dock town who spoke of the kindness of the pirate captain who’d given him sanctuary after being stranded. His name was James, and he said that Lily Evans was the kindest person he had ever met, pirate or otherwise. He’s doing well, by the way, in case you were wondering.
“He told me you were heading for the northern coast of Spain, so I tried to find a ship, any ship that was going there. I found a pirate ship, led by a man called Regulus Black, and they allowed me to travel with them. I was almost to Spain when I made an offhand remark about my fortunate upbringing, and one of the crew members threw me off the ship out of spite. Then your crewmates spotted me and saved me, and here we are,” she said with a smile, “but I do seem to have stolen this dress in the end after all. I was right, though. It looked better on you than it ever could on me, my fair flower.”
Mary saw Lily’s eyes well up with tears, and she reached a hand to her face to wipe them away.
“My rebel, my sweet, sweet rebel,” Lily whispered, “It has been so long since I last said these words, but I suppose people were right to say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I love you, Mary. I always did, I never stopped, not for a second, and I don’t think there will ever come a time when I do not love you, my ravishing rebel.
“I love you too, darling, I love you so much I might burst.”
Mary pulled Lily towards her and captured her lips with a passionate kiss, five years in the making. The kiss was yearning, and melancholy, and sadness, and pain, and it was love. It was everything they had felt since they last saw each other, and more.
Lily started undoing the buttons on Mary’s dress.
“For the record,” Lily said breathlessly, “you’re wrong. That dress doesn’t look its best on me. It looks its best on the floor.”
“Yes captain,” Mary said with a wink, before kissing her again.
That night, they made up for five years of separation, five years of pain and longing. It wouldn’t be perfect in a day, but it would be pretty damn close.