Archive of Our Own ^beta

The colourful lights Nicky had hung up on the walls blinked joyfully to the rhythm of the music. They were in the girls’ room celebrating yet another win. Loud music played through the speakers while they sat around in a circle, playing one of Nicky’s many favoured party games.

Aaron assumed it was “never have I ever” but the conversation and music were too loud for him to really understand the words that were being said.

It was Matt’s turn right now. He sat opposite of Aaron, a single cup in his hand and saying something Aaron couldn’t make out. The rest laughed so Aaron staged laughing too. Matt repeated what he said and under giggles some of the foxes took a sip from their cups.

Aaron didn’t and people raised their eyebrows when they looked at him. Maybe it had been the wrong decision not to drink. God, he hated this. He should really try harder.

Dan was the next one to say a statement and Aaron leaned in closer, narrowed his eyes and listened closely. But aside from the initial “never have I ever” that everyone said in the beginning, Aaron couldn’t hear a thing.

He sat back again and watched his friends, trying to decipher if he should drink or not based on their actions. Kevin, Andrew and Nicky drank, but Neil didn’t.

Aaron tried to think of something his brother and cousin had in common with Kevin but not with Neil. There wasn’t a lot he could think of and even less if he had to add himself to the equation.

The moment was over too quickly and Aaron didn’t drink.

Renee was the next in line and right before she could say something, someone tucked on Aaron’s shirt. Irritated he turned to his left side and was faced with Neil’s concerned face.

“Headache? Should we go outside?” He asked and Aaron really wanted to leave, so he nodded his head.

Neil said something to the others, probably about why they were leaving, then he took Aaron by his shirt sleeve and led them both out into the hallway.

Aaron paid attention to walk on Neil’s right side when he let go of his sleeve.

“I suspected something must have been wrong when you didn’t drink for the last two.” Neil told him. “You could have said something, I would have gone outside with you earlier.”

“Didn’t want to ruin the celebration.”

“Idiot.” Neil laughed, but stifled it when he remembered that Aaron supposedly had a headache. “It won’t be our last win we celebrate. Besides I don’t care that much about it.”

Aaron sighed, but let it drop.

“Do you want to go back to your dorm or should we go outside?”

“Just my room will be enough.” Aaron muttered.

Neil let Aaron go ahead and followed him closely up the stairs. He patiently waited for Aaron to get out his keys and then followed him inside.

“Are you staying?” Aaron asked as he slipped out of his shoes.

“Only for a little while, if you don’t mind.”

Aaron shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t really mind. A bit of company might be good even.

-

Aaron didn’t remember why exactly Neil and him had suddenly become friends but he knew when the truce had started.

They had been the last two to get out of the dorm to meet the others in the parking lot. They had decided to take the elevator together since it had just stopped on their floor to let out a few of the football players from down the hall.

Aaron hadn’t been a fan of taking the elevator, he still wasn’t, small locked rooms weren’t exactly his preferred surrounding. But Neil had held open the door for him, so it had felt wrong not to get in beside him.

Neil had pressed the button for the ground floor and soon the doors closed and they had been on their way downstairs. At least that had been what Aaron had thought, because the elevator rattled once, twice and then it had come to a sudden stop.

The doors had stayed closed and the cabin had made an awfully loud squeak.
Aaron had turned to Neil, panic must have been written all over his face.

“Are we stuck?” Aaron had asked.

His hand had already reached for the railing, he had felt uneasy on his legs. He hadn’t wanted it to be true, had willed Neil to tell him that the doors would open soon. But Neil had only confirmed what he had already known.

“I suppose.” Neil had answered and had pressed the button for the ground floor again. Nothing.

The elevator hadn’t even made a sound that time.

Neil had pressed the button that was supposed to open the doors. Also nothing.

“We are stuck.” Neil had confirmed and had turned around in the small room.

Aaron had been glad he had been holding the railing, because he had needed the extra support.

He had inhaled deeply. But immediately he had been reminded of how fast the air in an elevator was used up. He hadn’t really wanted to suffocate.

“What do we do now?” Aaron had asked, his voice had been paper thin.

“We press the alarm button. Someone should be able to help us.” Neil had explained.

He had turned around and had pressed the yellow button with a bell on it. It had been quiet for a while. It had felt like years to Aaron but eventually they had heard a crack in the line and then the bored voice of an office worker:

“TC Elevators and Electricity, Mark speaking, how can I help you?”

“Yes, hello. My friend and I are stuck in an elevator.” Neil had answered.

“Have you tried pressing the button again? Sometimes the signal gets lost and that’s why the elevator stops mid ride.”

Neil had sighed.

“Obviously, we’re not stupid. We are stuck.”

“Okay, which building?”

“The fox tower. It’s part of the PSU campus.”

“Which floor?”

“How are we supposed to know that?” Neil has asked impatiently.

“It would be easier if we knew on which floor you are right now. Can’t you estimate it?”

“Can’t you do your fucking job?” Neil had countered and Aaron had trouble holding back a snicker.

“We will send someone over as soon as possible.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Goodbye.”

“Hey, I asked a question! Hello!” Neil had turned around, outraged.

“Can you believe that? He just hung up on me!”

Aaron could easily believe that. Sometimes he had wished he could have hung up on Neil in real life too.

“It will probably take at least half an hour before we get out of here. I don’t think TC Elevators and Electricity is working very efficiently.”

Neil had sat down on the floor and reluctantly Aaron sunk down beside him, his hand still gripping the railing as if it was his life line.

“Should we call Andrew?”

“Yeah, we should. The others are probably already wondering why we are taking so long to get to them.” Neil had agreed.

He had looked at him expectantly until Aaron had realized that Neil had been waiting for him to do the call.

Aaron had swallowed thickly before he let go of the railing to rummage through his backpack to get out his phone. It had taken him two tries until he had been able to get Andrew’s number. His hands had shaken so badly that he hadn’t even been able to press the speed dial button.

The familiar tut tut had rung through the phone line, then Andrew’s voice.

“Yeah?”

Aaron had closed his eyes upon hearing his brother, it had felt like relief. Like the first sunshine after a long cold winter.

“Uhm, Neil and I are stuck in the elevator.” Aaron had mumbled.

A huff as response from Andrew.

“That’s not funny, Andrew.” His voice had sounded so small and broken and Andrew had stopped immediately.

“Have you already called for help?”

“Yes. Neil talked to someone.”

“And how long will it take?”

“We don’t know.”

Another deep inhale. Aaron had scolded himself for wasting the precious air.

“Give Neil the phone for a second.”

Aaron had hummed and then held out the phone for Neil. The latter taking it with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, this Mark dude wasn’t very kind. He just hung up on me.” Neil had started. “No, don’t worry. I’m here. Yeah, I take care of that. Sure, I’ll hand the phone back now. Yeah, bye.”

Aaron had taken his phone back and pressed it against his ear.

“Listen, Neil is there with you. If you need anything, talk to him.”

Aaron had hummed quietly.

“And remember, you can breathe normally, there is ventilation in elevators.”

“Okay.” Aaron had pressed through his teeth.

“You’ll be out sooner than you think.”

The phone call had ended there and so had Aaron’s life. His head had hit the wall as his hand slowly sunk into his lap.

“I want out of here.” Aaron had muttered.

“I know. I do too. But it’s important to stay calm now. We can’t do anything besides waiting at the moment.”

It had been unbearable. Waiting. Sitting around and doing nothing. Aaron had hated that. He would have much rather found a solution even if he hadn’t been able to.

The seconds had turned into minutes and Aaron had started to loose hope.
Neither Neil nor him had exchanged a word, Aaron hadn’t been able to decide if that was good or bad.

However, it had been that silence that had made the next squeaking sound louder than it probably had been.
Aaron had felt the elevator move underneath him.

His stomach had dropped with it and Aaron felt sick. Involuntarily, his breathing had picked up. They would die here, Aaron had thought. The elevator would fall down and they would die.

God, and he had still so much he had wanted to say or do.

Now, he would never be able to say all the things to his brother that he had been waiting to tell him until the timing was right. And he would never be able to explore the feelings that had started to blossom for Kevin.

He would die a failure. The failure he had always been, without a chance to prove anyone wrong.

“Hey, Aaron!” Neil had called over to him. “Remember deep breaths.”

“I can’t.” Aaron had stuttered out.

“Yes, you can.” The younger had scooted closer to him and had pressed up against his side. “Are you okay with me touching you?”

Aaron had had trouble getting the words out, so he had nodded his head. Soon he had felt a warm hand on his neck, holding him down gently but firm.
It had reminded him of his brother, albeit not as safe.

“Breathe with me, Aaron.” Neil had instructed and Aaron had tried to follow the rhythm the younger had set.

Fresh air had filled his lungs. It had been a salvation. The light at the end of the tunnel.
“Tell me what you need.” Neil had demanded.
“I only know what Andrew does because I’ve watched you two a few times. But is there more?”

Aaron had nodded his head, slowly.

“Yeah, distract me. Tell me something.”

Neil had huffed in amusement, but had followed his request.

“…Well, the end of the story is, that the professor had to give me the full score. It’s not my fault his instructions weren’t clear enough.”

Aaron had trouble holding back his laughter.
“That’s so typical of you. Instead of admitting defeat, you bullshit your way out of it.”

“I can’t help it. Besides it’s always working, so why would I change?” Neil had countered.

That had been how they found the two. The elevator doors had opened on the ground floor. Andrew, Nicky and Kevin had waited there for them, but Aaron had hardly paid them any attention.

Neil had had to lean onto him for support, because both of them had been laughing so hard they had started to cry.

Kevin had looked at them in confusion. Andrew had raised an eyebrow and Nicky had chuckled delighted.

“If I had known that you just had to be locked in a room together to become friends with each other, then I would have done it much earlier.” Nicky had exclaimed.

Aaron and Neil had passed the others, their arms thrown over each other’s shoulder.

“I don’t think you could recreate this trauma bond with a simple locked door.” Aaron had called over his shoulder.

“Aren’t you coming? I thought we wanted to go to Columbia?” Neil had said and had led Aaron outside to where the Maserati had stood. And the rest had been history.

-

They settled down in the living room. Neil opened the window to let in fresh air then he sat beside Aaron on the couch.

“Do you want to drink something? Water?”

“Yeah, that should help.” Aaron answered.

It was annoying to keep up the act but it was what he had to do, and he should really drink something other than alcohol before he went to bed. So why not do that now?

Neil came back with two glasses of water and a bowl filled with blueberries.

“Here, it’s important to eat something too. I haven’t seen you eat anything all night long.”

“Thank you, Neil.” Aaron accepted the glass and took two big sips from the cold beverage.

They put on an episode of a documentary Aaron had started but had lost interest in as background noise and lazed around on the couch.

They gossiped over a few of the foxes current bets and the recruits for next semester that Neil had the pleasure of meeting already. But eventually Neil’s sentences became shorter and his eyes were locked more on Aaron than anything else.

“What is it, Neil? Just say it or stop staring. You don’t have ultra vision to read my mind.” Aaron finally said.

Neil narrowed his eyes and sighed.

“You know you almost had me fooled. But you don’t have a headache, right? So what else is it?”

Aaron choked on the sip of water he had wanted to swallow. He coughed a few times to regain his breath again.
Shit. Obviously Neil would be the first to notice. 9 years of hiding it but Neil would figure it out in just one night.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Aaron tried to cover up.

“Don’t bullshit me, Aaron. I know you and you get really pissed off when you have a headache.”

Well, wasn’t that just great? His cover was blown if he didn’t present Neil a believable lie.

“When I tell you this, you have to promise me not to tell anyone. Especially not Andrew.” Aaron started.

Neil rose his eyebrows.

“Are you keeping secrets from Andrew? You know he won’t be happy about that.”

“I’m not trying to keep secrets, I’m just not comfortable with telling everyone. This is personal.” Aaron placed his glass back on the table and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“Promise you won’t tell Andrew or I’m not telling you.”

“Fine, I promise not to tell him. So what is it?”

Aaron breathed out deliberately.

“I have a crush on Kevin.”

Silence. The best lies to have ever been told were those that were founded in truth. A half lie. Or a half truth, so to say.

“Wait, our Kevin? As in Kevin Day, Exy diva and perpetual drama queen?”

“Yes, the one and only.”

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you! Now I understand why you don’t want Andrew to know. God, he wouldn’t let you live that one down.” Neil started laughing. “I think he might even kill Kevin over this.”

“That’s why I need you to be quiet about this, okay?”

Aaron glared at Neil. He tried his best to be intimidating, dare he even say, he tried to copy his brother.

“Okay, yeah.” Neil finally gave in. “But only if you tell me what has set you off tonight. Was it how he ordered everyone around? The way he chucked his vodka?”

“You are unbearable.” Aaron sighed and smacked Neil over the head.

“I know. I love you, too.”

“Will you finally shut up when I tell you?”

“That depends on what you’re telling me.”

At least Neil was honest, sometimes that was all Aaron could want from him.

“He’s just so, and when he, then he’s so, you know?” Aaron mumbled, suddenly too aware of the awkwardness.

“No, I actually don’t. You’ll have to elaborate on that. Especially the “and when he, then he’s so” part.”

Aaron groaned.

“I hate you.”

“The more you’re stalling the more I’ll tease you.”

“He’s just so kind and he never belittles me for my trauma. He actually listens and respects my feelings and needs. I can’t say that about a lot of people.” Aaron pressed out through his teeth.

He felt his cheeks burn up and it was oddly exposing to have expressed his feelings so truthfully.

It was quiet after that. The episode on the tv screen changed. Momentarily it was darker in the room then the bright lights flickered back on.

“Damn, I didn’t know he had it in him. Kevin ‘it’s better to stay heterosexual’ Day, that’s a hard one.” Neil said at last. In his eyes was something similar to pity and amusement.

“I’m aware.”

“You’re not fairing off much better actually.”

“Hey, just because I don’t walk around declaring that I want to suck dick, doesn’t mean I’m not bisexual.” Aaron huffed.

He was not Nicky, who thirsted after every guy. He wasn’t even like Andrew, who was subtly establishing that he was exclusively for the boys.

For Aaron it was a lot more difficult. For starters he didn’t fall in love as easily as everyone else. There had to be a certain connection, perhaps something like friendship, before Aaron felt the comfort of falling. And then that connection had to become even stronger for him to fall a little bit deeper.

“No need to be so graphic.” Neil said and kicked Aaron’s leg lightly.

“That was hardly Nicky-thirsting-level, so be quiet.”

“But really? Kevin?”

“Neil, I swear to god, I’m not questioning your taste in men either.” Aaron sat up to put more force into pushing Neil.

“Because Andrew is superior.” Neil laughed as he fell backwards.

“Ew, gross. Don’t tell me stuff like that.” Aaron smacked Neil’s leg.

“Hey, you just told me you have a crush on Kevin and how romantic he is. You inflicted infinite amounts of trauma on me.”

“I can book you a therapy session with Betsy, if you need it so much.”

“No, thank you.”

“Then stop being such a whiny bitch.”

“Okay, meanie.” Neil stuck out his tongue as he sat back up.

“So, will you tell Kevin about your feelings?”

“No, I thought I just wait until they disappear again and in three years he will be some famous Exy player, who has long forgotten about me.” Aaron sighed and slipped deeper into the couch cushions. “And I will forever wonder what could have been.”

“You are so melodramatic.” Neil replied.

“What else am I supposed to do? He has a stick so far up his ass, I don’t think I’ll be the one to remove it.”

“Do you think he likes it?”

“Neil! Stop saying unsolicited stuff!”

The younger had the audacity to giggle at that but he slowly raised his hands in defence as well.

“Okay, I’ll stop. You’re just such a hopeless case. I just don’t want you to suffer.”

“Wow, how considerate.”

“I mean it, Aaron. If there is anything I can do, just let me know.” Neil flashed him one of his genuine smiles and Aaron couldn’t help but feel fond of him.

“If you continue being so nice to me, I might start liking you.” Aaron grumbled and leaned into Neil’s side.

“Oh, I’m sure you already do.” Neil wrapped his arm around Aaron's shoulder and gently pulled him closer.

“You don’t have evidence for that.”

Neil hummed. “Sure, whatever you say.”

-

Aaron had almost forgotten about their conversation by the time he stayed over at the other’s dorm to study together with Neil.
If it wasn’t for the little rascal and his crazy scheming.

He sat with Nicky and Neil around the kitchen table. Neil on his left side while Nicky sat opposite of them. On the table between them were spread out all of Aaron’s study notes.

“It’s still so weird that you guys are friends now” Nicky said as he ate the last of his ice cream.

“First and foremost, we are not friends.”

“Right, we are best friends!” Neil chimed in immediately, wrapping his arms around Aaron and crushing him against his chest.

“Stop that Neil.” Aaron squeaked.

He was actively pushing against the younger to break free. Eventually, Neil let go of him, only to grab his chest over his heart dramatically.

“You’re hurting my feelings, Aaron.” He whined.

“Good, I hope it stays that way.” Aaron answered with a small smile on his face.

“Ha! Look, that’s what I’m talking about!”

“Shut up, Nicky!” Aaron and Neil said in union.

“Okay, I’ll leave now. I’m meeting up with Andrew” Neil eventually said and patted Aaron’s shoulder.

“What?” Aaron looked up at the younger in disbelief. “You said you would help me study.”

“I know, but then Andrew invited me. And you know…” Neil smiled as Aaron rolled his eyes.

“Who is hurting whose feelings now, huh?” Aaron said teasingly.

“Truce?” Neil asked.

“Yeah okay, whatever, but who will study with me now?”

“Don’t worry, I’ve already found a replacement.”

“Don’t say Nicky.” Aaron exclaimed. “You know that he’s not taking it serious enough.”

Aaron turned to his cousin.

“No offense, Nicky, you know that I love you, but you get bored when you have to listen to my medical rambling.”

“No offense taken!” Nicky assured him. “I wouldn’t even have time. I’m meeting up with Tara and Lillien.”

The older got up from his place and disposed of his trash.

“Apropos meeting up, I’m gonna be late if I don’t hurry. Bye, you two. Have fun!”

Nicky slipped out of the room and Aaron turned back to the menace of his life.

“You’ll like who I asked to help you instead of me. Don’t ever say I don’t do good things for you.” Neil said and the grin on his face didn’t promise anything good.

“Who is it? Just tell me so I can estimate how much I will hate you after this.” Aaron groaned.

“Aw, I’m sure you’ll love me. No really, don’t look at me like that. The person I asked and who agreed is -drum roll please- Kevin!” Neil announced and Aaron wished nothing more than to strangle the younger.

“Neil! Why would you do that? After everything I’ve told you?”

“Especially because of what you’ve told me. I can’t let you become a sad, grizzled, old man who hates the world.”

“I told you I would handle it.”

Aaron started to lightly slap Neil’s arm. It wasn’t strong but he hoped the repetitive action would still leave a small bruise.

“I hate you so much!”

“When you talk like that, you almost sound like Andrew.”

“Neil! Stop sharing gross relationship information that regards my brother. I really don’t want to know.”

Neil’s grin only got wider and Aaron slapped him harder, for good measure.

That was the moment the taller decided to join them in the kitchen.

“Hey, sorry, is this a bad moment?” Kevin asked.

He awkwardly leaned against the doorframe and watched, with a certain confusion, the events in front of him.

“No, right now is excellent timing. I was just about to leave.” Neil said and stood up. “Have fun on your study date.”

Neil winked in Aaron’s direction which Aaron countered with another mouthed “I hate you.”
Neil only stretched out his tongue and left the dorm.

God, why had Neil done this? And why had he felt the need to call it a study date? Aaron had explicitly told him not to do anything. It was just a crush after all. It would fade with time; the feelings always did.

“Okay, then what are we studying?” Kevin asked.

He walked from the entrance to the table and was about to take the chair on Aaron’s right, when Aaron smoothly dropped his backpack on it and tapped the chair on which Neil had sat just seconds before.

“Just a lot of anatomy.” Aaron answered and gave Kevin an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, that Neil dragged you into this. You don’t have to help me if you don’t want to.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I don’t have anything else to do anyway.” Kevin smiled. “So where do we start?”

Aaron handed Kevin a stack of his flash cards and explained to him how he labeled them. Then Kevin started to query him. All the right ones Kevin placed on one stack and the ones he got wrong on another. They worked through the stacks at a fast pace. Aaron had never realized how well he could study together with Kevin. He asked the right questions and gave the right explanations when Aaron got something wrong. There was a calculated preciseness in Kevin’s answers, one Aaron only knew from him when he was on the court.

After a while Aaron noticed how Kevin was rolling back his right shoulder more often and stretching his neck.

“What’s wrong with your shoulder?” He asked between questions.

“Oh, I don’t know. I guess I slept on it wrong.”

“Or you overdid night practice.”

Kevin shot him a disapproving glance, but Aaron was undeterred.

“Let me take a look at it.” He offered. “It could be a muscle tension. Those are easy to treat.”

Kevin looked at him sceptical but let go of his shoulder.

“Yeah, okay.” Kevin consented, eventually.

Aaron got out of his chair and stood behind the taller. He placed his hands on Kevin’s shoulder and scanned it properly, like he had seen Abby do it a thousand times and how he had done it a few times himself.

He detected the tension right between Kevin’s right shoulder and the space before his neck started.
Aaron pressed down lightly and Kevin sucked in the air through his teeth.

“Is that the spot?”

“Yeah.” Kevin gasped.

“Hm, it’s really tense there. But nothing we can’t fix.” Aaron assured him. “You should keep it warm and I could massage it for you to ease the tension.”

Aaron lifted his hand from Kevin and sat back down.

“Since when are you just giving away free massages?” Kevin teased and lightly boxed Aaron’s arm.

“Take it as compensation for having to study with me.” Aaron responded, smiling. “But don’t tell the others.”

“I would never.”

“Okay, then go to the living room. I’ll pack up my stuff here and then follow you.” Aaron advised.

He reached for his backpack and started to pack away his notebooks.

“Oh, and take off your shirt. The fabric could cause friction that can irritate your skin. We don’t want to cause even more harm, right?”

Only when Kevin left the kitchen Aaron realized his words and the heat rose to his face. God, hopefully Kevin didn’t think he was a creep. That would be the last thing he would want him to think.

Aaron quickly stacked his flash cards and fastened them with a rubber band before he threw them into his back as well.

Then he stumbled to the living room, where Kevin already sat on the couch, upper body exposed and with his back to Aaron.
Aaron stopped dead in his tracks.

The evening sun shone through the window and illuminated Kevin’s already sun kissed skin. His skin shone like bernstein. The red marks on his lower back only added to his beauty, instead of taking it away. His hair looked richer in the orange light. A black void in an explosion of stars. Kevin looked unapproachably pretty.

It wasn’t some new knowledge Aaron had just obtained, but rather something that was underlined - in bold colours - again, so that he wouldn’t forget.

Fuck, he really hadn’t thought this through, had he? How was he supposed to act all normal now? He was so screwed.

“Are you coming or are you glued to the doorframe?” Kevin asked and startled Aaron.

“Eh, yeah, I need to grab the lotion first.” Aaron stuttered.

His skin prickled all over. It made him sick, but not in an uncomfortable way.

“No need to. I already did.” Kevin turned around and held out a white bottle.

It dangled delicately between his strong fingers and he smiled lazily as he turned back towards the window.

Aaron shook off the trance and walked over to take place behind Kevin. He had promised to massage him. He wouldn’t break it.

He took the lotion out of Kevin’s hands and spread a bit of the white cream over his hands. Slowly, he rubbed over Kevin’s shoulder and started to massage it with the accuracy that Abby had taught him. With every handle Kevin’s muscles became more relaxed and his skin a bit redder.

“Fuck.” Kevin groaned. “That feels so good.”

Aaron was sure he was burning up like a birthday candle. The knowledge that his voice would have been shaky was what prevented Aaron from threatening Kevin to shut up.

-

Aaron couldn’t tell when his crush on Kevin had started.

In middle school, when everyone had started to fall in love, Aaron had just picked a girl everyone had a crush on as his own crush. He hadn’t understood the feeling everyone around him seemed to know as romantic love.

Aaron hadn’t understood what it meant to feel butterflies and wanting to be with someone.
He had always rather played his video games or went skateboarding in the local park.

It had been in his last year of middle school when Aaron had started to understand the meaning behind the word crush.

What had been so mysterious and unreachable was suddenly so clear and had come in the form of his former best friend Theo. There had been no one after Theo that had awoken the same kind of feelings. Not until Kevin at least and Aaron started to see a connection between Theo and Kevin.

They were both his best friend and he had already formed a meaningful connection with them before the feelings had started.

Maybe Aaron just needed the reassurance that the other person already liked him enough to be his friend that helped him to fall in love. With a history of abuse like his it was plausible.

But with Kevin one thing had been different than it had been with Theo. Theo had always liked girls. They had never been interested in anyone else and while they shared that fact with Kevin, Aaron couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, Kevin might be interested in him too.

It was just a feeling or a hinge, nothing concrete, but Kevin always sought him out in crowds. He rather spoke with Aaron than anyone else of their team and Aaron had actual proof of that. Because when he had to choose between an Exy discussion with Neil and an afternoon of watching boring documentaries with Aaron; Kevin had chosen Aaron.

Kevin had shown him parts of his personality that he usually hid under his media trained smile. Aaron had gotten to know Kevin as the history nerd, who was obsessed with Greek mythology. Aaron had been there to witness how Kevin sang along to his favourite pop songs. But Aaron had also been there when the years of abuse had caught up with Kevin and sobriety had become a curse.

Perhaps that had been why Aaron had fallen in love with him in the first place. With Kevin around, Aaron always felt like he could be himself too. He could point out all the inaccuracies in medical dramas. He could share his love for fantasy novels and Korean dramas.

And when he told Kevin that he sometimes still missed his mother then he knew that Kevin understood him.

-

“This feels so much better.” Kevin said, he pulled his shirt over his head and smiled. “You’re really talented.”

Aaron shrugged his shoulders.

“You should keep the shoulder warm and don’t move it too much. So no night practice.”

Kevin made moves to disagree with him but Aaron interrupted him.

“This is a doctor’s order.”

“Okay, doctor Minyard.” Kevin teased him.

Aaron stuck his tongue out and got up from the couch to wash his hands.

On the way back from the bathroom Aaron made Kevin a hot water bottle and then settled down next to him on the couch again.

Kevin accepted the bottle gratefully and sank deeper into the couch cushions.

“And what do we do now?”

“Watch a movie?” Aaron suggested. “You definitely aren’t allowed to move.”

“Oh, believe me I wouldn’t want to right now. This is actually really cozy.”

They decided on a mediocre action movie, but half way through they had stopped watching and instead discussed a series with a much better plot. The conversation soon transferred to other topics and they kept talking even longer after the movie had come to an end.

Aaron stifled a yawn. He enjoyed this. The easy conversation, the familiar togetherness. He didn’t want to go back to his dorm yet.

But eventually Aaron couldn’t hide his fatigue. His eyelids hung low and when Nicky came back, Aaron excused himself back to his room.

“Call me if you need someone to study with.” Kevin told him at the door. “I’ll make time for you.”

“The massage was a one time thing.”

Kevin only smiled at that.

-

They spent the weekend in Columbia again. Eden’s became a place where Aaron started to enjoy the hours spent on the dance floor with Nicky, and occasionally Kevin, where he just jumped around and forgot the world, more than the black out drinking in the booth next to his brother’s watchful eyes.

After two shots he dragged Kevin to dance with him and the taller followed him after a little fuss.

Their bodies moved together as if it were muscle memory, countless hours of dancing had insured that.

It should be awkward because of their height difference, but somehow they fitted together perfectly.

Kevin placed his hands on Aaron’s waist and pulled him minutely closer. When the song slowed down, Kevin intentionally ignored the girls who tried their best to dance with him by getting close to him and rubbing on his sides, and instead focused all his attention on Aaron.

“You can dance with them.” Aaron said as he reached up to put his hands on Kevin’s shoulders. “I don’t mind.”

“Hm, but I already chose you as my dancing partner.”

The taller leaned down and blocked out the colourful neon lights, that now reflected on his dark hair.

“Unless you don’t want to.”

“No, this is perfect.” Aaron beamed.

He was electrically charged, invincible even.
They danced together until Aaron couldn’t feel his feet anymore. He had sweated so much that it left him feeling dizzy, he had to rely on Kevin to get back safely to their booth. Back at their table lemonades awaited them and when they finished their glasses Andrew ordered them back home.

Nicky was completely drunk, giggling into Aaron’s ear when they were seated in the car next to each other. Aaron regretted that he had chosen to sit on his cousin’s left side. Involuntarily he scooted closer to Kevin and the older draped his arm around him to pull him closer to his side.

Aaron’s cheeks flushed and he saw Neil in the mirror raising his eyebrows. Aaron shook his head. God, how he hated that little shit.

He closed his eyes for the rest of the drive and almost fell asleep, if it weren’t for the bumps in the road and Nicky’s constant stream of mumbled words.

When they reached the house, Kevin carried Nicky to his room. Aaron saw him exiting, the moment he left the bathroom to walk to his own room. Without really thinking about it, he waved Kevin over.

He didn’t have to wait long, the older immediately followed him into his room and gently closed the door behind them.

“Sleep here.” Aaron muttered.

“In your room?”

“Only if you want to. My bed is big enough for two.”

Kevin eyed him for a moment. His green eyes wandered from Aaron to the bed behind him. It was a queen size, spacious to be comfortable for both of them, especially since Aaron usually curled up into a little ball on one of the sides.

“Okay.” Kevin agreed.

Aaron was already in his pyjamas so he crawled into his bed first and turned just in time to watch Kevin shrug out of his pants and pull his shirt over his head. His abdominal muscles flexed with the movement and Aaron turned his head away.

Then Kevin pulled the blanket back and laid down next to Aaron, turning off the lamp on the bed side table in the process.

“And it’s fine with your stuffed animals that I’m joining you tonight?” Kevin asked.

He held a stuffed turtle in his hand, Aaron could just make out the shape of it, and placed it next to a bear at the head of Aaron’s bed. Heat rose into Aaron’s cheeks and he was glad that Kevin couldn’t really see it in the dark.

“I wouldn’t have invited you if it were otherwise.” Aaron said with more bite than he had intended.

They laid next to each other in silence then.

“Is it weird that I still sleep with stuffed animals?” Aaron asked quietly.

It stayed silent for a while and Aaron already thought that Kevin was asleep.

“No, I think it’s charming.” Kevin answered.

Aaron breathed out deeply and hid his face in his blankets. Only now did he realize what he had done. How stupid of him to invite his crush into his bed under the roof he shared with his brother.
He could only hope that he could save some of his dignity in the morning.

But morning came and all of Aaron’s dignity was gone.

At first he didn’t even register it, too dazed still from sleep, but the more he came to himself the more he recognized that the warm surface his head was bedded on wasn’t his pillow.
He flushed faster than he could pull his head back, and was immediately faced with the next obstacle which was Kevin’s arm around his waist.

Aaron breathed in deep to calm his beating heart, but his lungs were filled with Kevin and he almost overdosed on it.

His best attempt was to lay back down, his head now on the pillow but still in the nook of Kevin’s neck. He smiled lightly and tried not to think of a future where this could happen again. He tried not to think about wanting this as bad as he did.

When woke up again, he was alone in his bed. Kevin’s clothes were scraped off the floor, no evidence he had stayed with him at all.

Except for a small piece of paper on his bedside table that read: “thank you, ps: you drool in your sleep. <3”

Aaron’s cheeks heated again as he brushed over Kevin’s neat handwriting, following each of the lines. The rest of the weekend Aaron tried to avoid Kevin and Neil as best as he could.

-

Aaron didn’t have to wait long for Neil to bring up Kevin and his “date” again. Neil teased him long enough that, reluctantly, Aaron gave in and gave him a full recap of what had happened.

“Uh, so you massaged him. Didn’t expect you to move so fast.”

“Hey, that’s not what happened.” Aaron crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“I know, I’m only joking.”

“Not funny.”

Neil nudged his shoulder and when Aaron turned, Neil looked at him expectantly.

“Hm? Sorry, I didn’t understand you.” Aaron replied.

Neil sat on his right side and if that wasn’t bad enough, the cafeteria was overfilled and loud. Neil leaned in closer and repeated:
“Have you called him again?”

Aaron shook his head.

“What? Why? Aaron, you can’t just throw all of my hard work out of the window like that.”

“I just don’t want to bother him.“ Aaron mumbled and picked at his pasta. “I probably annoy him.”

“Eh, hello? Everyone enjoys annoying Kevin? It’s so funny when he inhales sharply and closes his eyes. Almost as if he’s trying to contain himself and not rip you into pieces.” Neil nudged his side, when Aaron didn’t react.
“Oh, come on, Aaron. You can hardly believe that Kevin would offer you his help if he would mind it so much. Sure, you can be a pain in the ass, but you’re not actually that bad.”

“Ha ha.” Aaron pushed his half eaten plate away from him. The few bites he had taken laid heavily in his stomach.

“I’m serious. I like being your friend, more than I like fighting with you.”

Aaron frowned but didn’t contradict him.

“Are you not going to finish that?“ Neil changed the subject and pointed at Aaron’s meal.

“No, I don’t know.” He exhaled deeply. “I’ll get something from the bakery.”

“Good, I don’t want to report you to Abby or Andrew again.”

“You won’t have to. I won’t let it get that bad again.”

Neil gave him a small smile and squeezed his shoulder.

“Call or ask Kevin. I’m sure he will help you out again.”

“Maybe.”

“If you don’t do it, I’m not afraid to set you both up again.” Neil teased him mischievously and Aaron knew he meant it.

“Don’t you dare!”

They couldn’t continue their conversation because Aaron's next class would start soon, and since he wanted to buy something from the bakery he would need to hurry.

Neil accompanied him to the little store but had to say his goodbye soon after, because his classes were on the other side of the campus.
Aaron knew that Neil was supervising him to make sure that he actually bought something to eat. But he couldn’t bring himself to care. It was, in a way, admirable.

Katelyn and her partner waited for him in front of their biology classroom.
She quickly kissed Jamie before they left for their own classes.

When Jamie passed Aaron, they smiled and waved, which Aaron returned with a nod of his head.

Jamie was introverted and even though they got along well with Aaron, they always shied away when it was only the two of them. Aaron didn’t blame them. With certainty Aaron knew that he could be the exact same sometimes.

When he reached Katelyn, she greeted him with a hug and then talked about the Vixen training in the morning. Apparently Marissa had sprained her ankle after a jump and was currently at the hospital. In true Vixen fashion this small incident had dragged a whole lot of other drama with it.

“So remember how I told you that I think that there is something between Marissa and Rina?”

Aaron hummed for a long moment, recalling something that Katelyn had told him about it a few weeks ago.

“Well, I think it’s basically confirmed now. You should have seen Rina. She was pale like a wall.” Katelyn sat down on a table and Aaron sighed resigned when he realized he had to sit on her left side.

“Rina basically begged to go to the hospital with Marissa. It was actually adorable how Marissa had to comfort her.” Katelyn smiled her private smile. The one where only her eyes crinkled on the sides.

“I’m not trying to speculate or anything but if by the same time tomorrow they are out as a couple, then I hate to say it but I told you so.”

Aaron smiled too, but only with the corners of his mouth.

“I’m sure you’re right with your assumption, Sherlock.” He teased her and nudged her lightly.

They couldn’t continue their conversation because the professor started the lesson and Aaron had to use all his energy to focus on what was being taught. Between classes he ate his croissant and then met up with the rest to drive to afternoon practice.

They had a game against the USC Roosters, a team from Chicago, in two days and accordingly the Foxes were restless and loud.
Wymack tried to calm them down two times but gave up and decided to talk over their hushed conversations.

Aaron hated this. He hated sitting in the small waiting era where all the voices ricocheted from the walls, doubling in volume and drowning out every single word that was being said.

On the way to the locker room Aaron asked Nicky what Wymack had told him, but he denied, that he hadn’t listened either.

“Ask Kevin. He’s glued to Coach’s lips.”

Aaron frowned in disgust.

“Don’t word it like that. They are related.”

“You are right.” Nicky said and winked at him. “He’s paying attention to daddy.”

Aaron’s cheeks flushed and he kicked him.

“Ow, Aaron, that will bruise.” Nicky squeaked and rubbed his leg, but Aaron was already turning his back to his cousin.

“Take it as a lesson.” He advised him, then he opened the door to the locker room and took place between Kevin and his brother.

“What did Coach talk about earlier?” Aaron asked and hoped that it sounded casual.

He shrugged out of his jeans and folded them neatly before placing them in his locker and changing them for his jersey shorts.

Andrew shrugged his shoulders the same time Kevin said:
“You have to pay better attention. It’s vital what the coach tells his team.”

Aaron suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t tried. It wasn’t his fault when everyone was always so loud.

“And? Can’t you just repeat it now or didn’t you pay attention either?”

Aaron thought to back down, he didn’t care that much about it anyway, but he had started the conversation so he would get his answers.

“We are doing footwork today and tomorrow we will go lighter on the strength training, so that we won’t lose all of it until Friday. Afternoon practice will be cut short for the same reason.” Kevin said, voice flat.

Aaron nodded his head deliberately and thanked Kevin shortly before pulling over his jersey and fastening his shoes.

On his way out Andrew stopped him. Their eyes met and Aaron saw a spark of something in Andrew’s but couldn’t place it. When his brother didn’t say anything, he slowly detached his arm from Andrew’s hand.

“Is something wrong?” He asked, his voice softer than he had intended.

Andrew shook his head and then ushered Aaron out the room only to follow him to the court.

Aaron had almost deemed it as weird if not for the countless moments in the past months where Andrew had done something similar. He would stop Aaron in his moves and observe him from head to toe, only to let him go again.

Sometimes Andrew would invite him to watch a movie or go for a ride with him. Aaron hadn’t figured out the pattern yet. Maybe Andrew invited him only when he thought Aaron was having a bad day. But Andrew never told him and Aaron didn’t ask.

It had taken months of therapy and countless attempts outside of it to form this tentative relationship and Aaron wasn’t keen on destroying it with one question.

He knew that he should be braver, that asking questions wouldn’t be the end of things, but the old fear still sat deep in Aaron’s bones. He would rot to dust and grime and be scattered by the wind before he ruined the one thing he had wanted most in his life. A brother.

And now that he had him, he would indulge his check ups and attempts to comfort him, even if they were weird or unnecessary. Andrew was offering them and Aaron was greedy so he took all of it.

Practice was, despite being declared as lighter, tiring. Aaron wondered if it was because he usually didn’t focus too much on his footwork and now double the focus on it prompted him to redo drills all the time.

On their way back to the dorm Kevin sat on Aaron’s right side in the car. Aaron had his head pressed against the cold window to ease the pain a bit when Kevin nudged his side.
Aaron turned his head to hear him better.

“You did good today.”

Aaron snorted. “I was shit.”

“No, you improved a lot in the past months. You notice your own mistakes now.”

“But only because we had to focus on them today.”

Kevin shrugged his shoulders.

“I think, you did good today.”

“Better take the compliment, Aaron. You never know when he’s giving them out for free again.” Nicky said, leaning over Kevin and into his view.

Aaron huffed but accepted the compliment anyway. He caught Neil’s eyes in the rearview mirror, the younger was grinning and Aaron rolled his eyes.

-

He ended up not having to call Kevin, because the elder came to him on his own.

The girl at the loan desk of the library was researching if they had new books in the field of amino acids, when someone cleared his throat behind Aaron.

Irritated, Aaron turned around only to be met with Kevin’s emerald eyes.

“What are you doing here?” Aaron asked in lieu of a hello.

“Sometimes I study here too.” Kevin smiled. “Your cousin can be a bit annoying at times.”

Aaron shrugged his shoulders despite knowing exactly what Kevin meant.

“So, we have two new books.” The girl announced. “I wrote the titles down for you. Do you know where to look for them?”

“Yes, the medicine aisles are like my second home.”

The girl chuckled and pushed the paper across the counter.

“Good luck studying!” She said.

Aaron grabbed the paper and turned to get to the first floor where the medical books were. Kevin followed him.

“Do you mind if I join you?”

“Not at all.”

Kevin trailed behind him through the shelves and held onto the books Aaron pulled out of the shelf.

When he had all the books he needed Aaron went to check out his books and Kevin secured a table by the window for them.

They studied in silence for their respective subjects. Kevin flipped through pages of history books on the subject of the Roman Empire while Aaron filled out his flash cards.
After what felt like hours Aaron collapsed onto his work, groaning quietly.

“That bad?” Kevin asked and pult his pen down, giving all his attention to Aaron.

“Amino acids are my end boss.” Aaron muttered and slowly sat up again. “They are interesting enough but also so annoying.”

Kevin pressed his lips into a smile and Aaron wanted to lean over and punch him, no, kiss him. God, he had it bad, hadn’t he?

“We should take a break then.” Kevin decided. “We’ve been studying for the better half of three hours.”

Aaron turned on his phone to stare at the time unbelieving. He usually wasn’t so concentrated when he studied alongside others.

He liked studying with others when they revised his notes with him. But quietly sitting next to each other made Aaron nervous.

“Yeah, okay.” Aaron agreed and they started to pack up their stuff.

Kevin suggested to get smoothies from the new cafe on the campus on their way back to the dorms. If Neil could have seen them, he would have squealed in excitement. Kevin ordered their drinks and then paid for them. When Aaron wanted to pay him back he forbid him.

A real study date, Aaron could hear Neil say and took a big sip from his drink to cool down the heat in his cheeks.

Their conversation shifted from the obvious topics to Kevin recommending Aaron a book he had read, that he might enjoy.

“It’s fantasy.” Kevin finished his summary.

“I gathered that much.” Aaron smiled. “But it sounds interesting. Do you have your own copy?”

“Yes, you can borrow it from me.”

“Sure, why not? I was searching for something new to read anyway.”

Aaron followed Kevin into his dorm and while Kevin disappeared into his room to get the book, Aaron walked into the living room, where Neil and Andrew lazed around on the couch.

Neil turned down the volume of the tv when Aaron entered and sat down beside them in a chair.

“Where were you?” Neil asked.

“At the library and then the new Café.”

Aaron placed his smoothie on the couch table and Andrew reached for it and took a few sips.

“What’s in this?”

“Banana, strawberry and mango.”

Andrew nodded and took another sip.

Neil's eyes narrowed.

“Why would you get a smoothie when you’re studying? I thought that was not your thing.”

“Because Kevin invited me.” Aaron sighed.

“It’s like I told you.” Neil said grinning.

“No, it’s not, so shut up.”

“What are you guys talking about?”

“Literally nothing.”

Andrew rose an eyebrow.

“And if you don’t stop, Neil, I’ll go back to hating you.”

“You could never. Who else would match your certain kind of unhinged and listen to your endless rants?”

“Literally anyone else.”

“Nah, you know I’m not interchangeable.”

Aaron rolled his eyes.

“Still, it wasn’t like that. I didn’t call him.”

“That’s even better.”

“What are you two scheming?”

“Nothing of your concern, as of now.” Aaron muttered. “It’s not going anywhere anyway.”

He got up from the chair and stretched his back.

“I’ll go to bed. Big game tomorrow.”

Andrew held the rest of his smoothie out for him but Aaron shook his head.

“You can have it.”

It surprised him more, that Andrew let the whole conversation just go like that. For the first time Aaron realized that perhaps therapy had been helping them after all.

“You’re already leaving?” Kevin asked.

He came out of his room right when Aaron walked by it.

“Yeah, the game is tomorrow and I want to revise some of what I’ve studied today before bed.”

The corners of Kevin’s mouth dropped a little, turning it into an adorable pout.

“I thought…” Kevin cleared his throat. “Right, here’s the book.”

Aaron took it and wondered what Kevin had wanted to say originally.

“You have to tell me how you like it.”

“Thanks.” And because Aaron didn’t want to leave Kevin with that sad look on his face he added. “I’ll report after every chapter.”

Kevin’s face lit up and Aaron said his good night before he slipped out of the room and into his own dorm.

-

Game days were pure chaos. The campus looked as if someone had puked all over it in orange and white. Banners were hissed with orange fox paws on them. Students ran around wearing their team’s colours and celebrating between classes.

Aaron tried to quietly slip through the masses but on his way from the science building to the labs he was stopped by a few college students who wrote for the newspaper.

They begged him for an interview, Aaron was surprised they even knew who he was, but was luckily saved by Xavier, a guy Aaron used to play basketball with in his first semester.

Neither of them had much time to do that now, with Xavier graduating this year and Aaron was always too caught up with Exy or studying to make time for anything else. Yet they were always friendly when they met by coincidence and still texted each other quite regularly.

“Damn man, soon you’ll need bodyguards.” Xavier joked.

The crowd parted for him and Aaron made sure to follow him quickly.

“I’m trying to avoid getting that popular. I don’t think I would look good in the press.” Aaron shouted. He was at least three heads smaller than Xavier and due to that, slower. “I don’t want to know what it’s like to be Kevin or Neil right now.”

“They are probably busy giving autographs.”

Xavier was probably right with that. On game days all the students suddenly mutated into Exy fans and started to pester all the players with questions or to take photos with them and sign their shirts.

Xavier brought Aaron all the way to the building with the labs. No other school journalist tried to talk to Aaron, which Aaron felt instant gratitude for.

“You foxes gonna rock!” Xavier threw his fist up, laughing bright.

“Hm, hopefully.” Aaron stood by the door, looking around Xavier to see if anyone noticed them. But if they did, they didn’t seem to see Aaron behind the taller one.

“Don’t disappoint me. I got tickets for the game.”

“For real?”

“Yeah, it’s the last one I’ll be able to watch before my finals.”

Aaron was taken aback. He had forgotten how fast the school year was ending.

“Oh, that’s right. Do you already know what you’ll do after you graduate?”

“I’ll move to Washington. My girlfriend lives there and I got a job at her father’s company.” Xavier smiled.

“Sounds good. I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks, Aaron. You’ll have to visit me there sometime, alright?”

“Sure, I will make time for you.”

They parted their ways and Aaron promised to look out for the other later at the game. Aaron wasn’t sure he would be able to notice anyone in the orange and white crowd but he supposed it was a nice gesture anyway.

Players only had to attend the first two lessons and afterwards were called to the stadium. They got briefed on their opponents again, talked through strategies and set out the game plan. When they were done Wymack held his usual speech that was drowned out by the nervous talking of the Foxes.

“Go out there and proove why you’re the greatest.” He ended his speech and his team cheered.

He followed Andrew into the locker room and quickly changed into his jersey and pads.
They gathered in the hallway so that they could enter the stadium united. Loud cheers erupted from the bleachers, the ground went crazy as the foxes jogged onto the court. Aaron waved at a few fans and then started stretching next to Nicky.

The Roosters entered the court shortly after them. The cheers weren’t as loud, but that was because they played on an away court where not many of their fans attended. Less fans meant less support for your team. Sometimes that could be a disadvantage, especially when your team wasn’t in the lead.

Dan commanded them to jog a few rounds around the court. Aaron lined up next to his cousin and ran with him around the outer edge. Aaron saw the cheerleaders and met eyes with Katelyn.

She pointed with her fingers to two girls, one sitting on a chair with a bandage around her foot and the other next to her, smiling down at her.

His eyes went back to Katelyn, who mouthed “I told you” and Aaron shook his head in amusement.

Soon enough the warm up was called off and the teams lined up in the center line to greet each other. They jogged off the court to gather one last time with coach, who instructed them to play fiercely since the Roosters weren’t kind opponents either.

“Search the conflict and hold against it, but avoid injuries, okay? Now go out there and show them what real champions look like.”

The Foxes roared in union and ran onto the court in the order they were announced.

The game was demanding. Aaron clashed with more strikers than he ever had in any game. The muscles in his arms and legs screamed in agony each time he had to face the number fourteen, a fast striker, who was at least a head taller than Aaron.

He had blocked him effectively in the beginning but closer to the halftime Aaron got more tired and the striker more vicious. His passes got through Aaron increasingly and he couldn’t push past the striker with his full strength anymore.

It was after another of the striker’s goals that he walked past Aaron, slamming into his shoulder and saying: “I’ll show you why minions like you and your brother shouldn’t be allowed on the court.”

Heat boiled in Aaron’s stomach and it was only thanks to Matt that Aaron didn’t do something regrettable.

“He’s not worth it, Aaron. Rather proove to him that he’s wrong, that will hurt him more.”

Aaron was determined to do just that. He put all his wrath into his game and at first it seemed to work, but the faster and meaner Aaron played the more viscous fourteen got.
He pulled tricks on Aaron and Aaron recognized that he was baiting him, he wanted Aaron to be railed up so that it would hurt him even more should he foul him, but his mind escaped the logic.

Later Aaron wouldn’t be able to recall what had actually happened, one moment he had been head to head with number fourteen and the next moment he felt the impact of a stick hit his helmet. He was pushed back, tripped and out of balance fell to the ground.

His head slammed on the floor. Hot pain ran through his face. For a moment he thought he had stopped breathing. Everything was just pain and agony.

Dull came the shouts of his teammates, someone shook his shoulder and Aaron flinched away. It was too much.

But what was even worse was the glowing pain coming from his left ear. It was so hot it felt like blood was running out of it.
He struggled out of the helmet and reached for it. It felt normal, except for the pain and the heat.

When he was sure that the impact hadn’t caused any serious injury, he finally looked up at the worried faces of not only Abby but a handful of players of both teams too.
And that was when he realized something else was wrong too.

He saw that Andrew was next to him, his mouth moving but Aaron couldn’t hear him. He heard nothing. Not the fans, not Abby, not his teammates. The dull shouts of his teammates had been his own heartbeat echoing through his ear canal.

But now it had subsided and where there used to be voices was now a low thumping and whistling.

Aaron felt sick to his stomach as panic rose. He couldn’t have lost his hearing. Not completely. He couldn’t have possibly lost the hearing in his left ear as well. That couldn’t be.
Andrew said something. Aaron couldn’t hear him. He leaned in closer as hot tears filled his eyes.

Andrew repeated himself and Aaron started at his lips. He had never been good at lip reading. He had tried multiple times when it had first been apparent that he had lost his hearing in the right ear. He had searched for ways to compensate. Reading lips had been the first thing in his mind and then sign language. He wasn’t great at either of them. But the latter was because of the lack of training and use.

But right now he couldn’t shake the feeling that Andrew was asking him if he was okay.

He felt a tear spill from his eyes when he replied: “No, I can’t hear you.”

As soon as the words were out, albeit Aaron couldn’t hear them, the people around them erupted into chaos.

Paramedics came running in with a stretcher. He was placed on it, despite him denying that he needed it, and Abby walked next to him patting his shoulder. Her mouth was moving, he wasn’t sure if she was talking to him or the paramedics. Nicky was there too. Concern had drained his face from any colour. But Andrew was gone.

Aaron looked around, past the people around him, until he caught a glimpse of Andrew, held back by Neil, shouting something at the striker number fourteen.

It was the last time he caught sight of his brother, before he was pushed past Wymack to the ambulance.

They brought him to the small sports hospital near the campus where Abby worked at. They examined him thoroughly and on Abby’s instruction, they even did a hearing test.
Exhausted after all the questions and exams he was pushed into his room where he fell asleep for a short while before Abby came back to wake him up, because they had the results and his family had come to visit him.

Nicky stormed in first, rushing to Aaron’s side immediately.

“Baby, how are you? Are you okay?” His voice was shaking and Aaron felt bad for being the reason.

Slowly he nodded his head and patted Nicky’s hand.

“Don’t worry about me.” He mumbled.

“But I already do.”

After Nicky, Andrew and Wymack entered the room as well.

Andrew stood at the end of the bed and regarded Aaron with a questioning tilt of his head. Aaron answered it with a small nod of his own.

Wymack stood next to Abby. He was allowed in when sport related injuries were discussed. Aaron had given that permission at the beginning of his college years.

“You have a bruised shoulder and a twisted ankle. As well as a slight concussion and the hearing in your left side is normal again. The impact of the floor has momentarily disrupted your hearing. But we couldn’t find out why you couldn’t hear on your right side.” Abby reported.

“Can’t hear.” Aaron corrected.

“You still can’t hear on your right side?” Abby asked surprised.

“I never could.”

“You mean since birth?”

“No.”

Abby and Nicky looked confused. Only Andrew’s face was as neutral as ever.

“What do you mean by that?” He asked.

“I lost my hearing on the right side. I’m deaf on one ear.”

Andrew scoffed. “We are aware. How did you lose it?”

Aaron pressed his lips together. He really didn’t want to tell Andrew. This had been his secret for so long. Was he really just going to tell the others all of it? What would that leave him with if they knew? Would they still like him?

“How did you lose it?”

“I fell onto it.”

“How?”

Aaron sighed.

“She hit me and I fell onto the railing and then down the stairs. Happy?” Aaron crossed his arms over his chest as Andrew breathed in heavily, closing his eyes.

“That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. You can’t change it.” Aaron barked high pitched. “You’ve already killed her, remember?”

Andrew opened his eyes and came closer to Aaron’s bed. He gently placed his hand on Aaron’s arm as his gaze zeroed in on Aaron’s. Uncomfortable by the unusual closeness Aaron dodged his brother’s eyes.

“How old were you?” Andrew asked and his voice was so much softer than before.

“Eleven.” Aaron mumbled.

Andrew breathed out through his nose and gently squeezed his arm.

All Andrew said after that was: “You could have told me.”

“I didn’t want you to think I was faulty.”

“Faulty.” Andrew echoed. “You’re not faulty.”

“Have you ever looked into hearing aids?” Abby asked.

“No, I managed ten years fine without them. Besides they are too expensive anyway.”

She pursed her lips but nodded her head.

“I suggest that you recover from your injuries first and then we can talk about everything else after.”

Soon after they left him, but not before Nicky made a fuss about him. With tears in his eyes he told him over and over again how worried he was and that “his kids” needed to stop being so reckless. Wymack had to gently cox him away from Aaron’s side in the end.

Abby was the last one to leave his room but not before saying: “Someone else came to visit you. Do you want to see him?”

Aaron shrugged his shoulders. “Sure, why not?”

It was probably Matt anyway. But when the door to his room opened it wasn’t Matt’s tall figure that emerged from it but Kevin’s.
The elder smiled lightly as he came over to Aaron’s bed.

“I’ll leave you two alone then.” Abby pulled the door behind her shut.

“Don’t you have a game to debrief?” Aaron asked teasingly.

“And leave my best player unsupervised?”

“I’m hardly your best player, I think you got me confused with Andrew, or worse, Neil.”

Kevin shook his head gingerly.

“They might be exceptionally great on the court but it’s you who I value the most.”

Aaron felt his face flush and turned away.
Kevin stayed with him, he sat on the edge of his bed as they talked about a documentary on Alexander the Great, that both of them had watched, but not once did he mention the foul nor did he ask Aaron about his injuries.
Eventually Aaron decided to release Kevin and told him on his own accord.

“I have to tell you something else too.” Aaron stopped and fiddled with his fingers.

“What is it?”

“I’m deaf in my right ear.” Aaron mumbled.

He tried to think of all the possible ways Kevin might react but the older only rose his eyebrows and then smiled.

“That explains a lot.” He said. “Sorry, that was insensitive. Thank you for telling me, I’m glad you feel comfortable enough with me to share this information.”

“What do you mean that explains a lot?”

“Oh, just why you always walk on people’s right side, put only the left ear plug in when you’re listening to music or why you sometimes ask for things to be repeated when it’s too loud in the room.” Kevin scratched his neck. “Just a few things I’ve noticed.”

Aaron felt his jaw drop. He felt exposed, but the exposure felt a lot like affection.

“Sorry, I probably sound like a stalker.”

“No, no, you don’t. I just didn’t expect anyone to notice.” Aaron swallowed thickly. “So, you don’t mind?”

“Don’t mind what?”

“That I’m flawed?”

Kevin rose his eyebrows again, he looked a little confused.

“Sorry, I don’t think I can follow you. Why should you be flawed?”

“I’m deaf.”

“And?” Kevin stretched the word, seemingly unsure what Aaron meant. “We are all flawed. I have an inoperable hand. Neil is a perpetual liar. Andrew is a social disaster. Nicky, albeit cute, talks too much. None of us are perfect, so who cares if you are partially deaf?”

Aaron blinked rapidly to diminish the tears that so treacherously tried to flood his eyes.

“Aaron, I like you, if it wasn’t clear-“

“I like you, too.” Aaron stuttered.

“- as more than a friend.”

Aaron was pretty sure he looked like a tomato at this point. At least his face felt super hot.

“You don’t have to say anything-“

“No, I-“

“I shouldn’t have-“

“Kevin!” Aaron shouted and they both fell silent. “I like you as more than a friend too.”

Kevin’s ears turned red and he awkwardly scratched his neck. Quite honestly it was an adorable sight.

“I had planned on taking you on a date first before I confess.” Kevin cleared his throat. “I would have chosen a better time to tell you.”

“I liked it this way.” Aaron assured him. “It was very fitting for us, don’t you think?”

Kevin shrugged his shoulders but smiled.

“I’ll still take you out on that date, when you’re not in the hospital anymore. I promise.”

Aaron smiled and stifled a yawn.

“You should rest.” Kevin said and made moves to get up, but Aaron grabbed his hand.

“Hm, stay, just a bit longer, yeah?”

Kevin tilted his head so lovely and nodded.

“Of course.”

-

In total Aaron spent two weeks in the hospital. The first week was for recovery.

Abby supervised him and took his vitals every day. Nicky came to visit him after his classes. He sat next to Aaron’s bed and told him about everything he missed out on.

Andrew joined him sometimes, but on other days he visited together with Neil.
When Andrew left the room to fill up Aaron’s water bottle, Neil came closer and sat on his bed.

“And?” He asked expectedly.

“And what?”

“You and Kevin? Come on, I saw him leaving right after the game and Andrew said that he had stayed with you. So?”

Aaron breathed out slowly and then looked up grinning.

“He’s going to take me on a date.”

“Shut up. No, he’s not.”

“Yes, he is. Believe it or not, I don’t care.”

Neil slapped his leg lightly and laughed.

“I told you, I wouldn’t let you become a sad old man.”

“I swear, if I find out you were behind all of this-“

“Hey, Kevin had been miserably in love with you for months. I only encouraged him to ask you out.” Neil interrupted. “If anything you should thank me.“

Aaron had to contain himself not to rip Neil’s head off, so he settled on slapping his arm.
He wasn’t really mad at Neil, but it was so typical for the younger to just go against what they had agreed on.

“Ouch! Is that the way you thank me?”

“Yes.” And since he was already doing it he slapped Neil again.

On his third strike, Neil caught his hand and held it as Aaron struggled against the grip.

“I get it, okay? You can stop now.”

Aaron narrowed his eyes. “I’m not sure I believe you. Let me hit you one more time.”

“Not a chance.”

Aaron sighed but lowered his arm.

“Just warn a guy next time. If I had known that you obtained all these information I- I don’t know what I would have done.”

“I promised Kevin not to tell you.”

“And you’re better friends with him now?”

“Theoretically-“

Aaron rose his hand again. “I dare you to finish that sentence.”

“Look, it all worked out in the end.” Neil rose his hands in defence, but had a vicious grin on his face. “You should tell Andrew soon, by the way, I think he’s suspecting something.”

“I will.” He promised despite not knowing if he would follow through with it.

Maybe he could persuade Kevin to tell Andrew. Not long after Andrew reentered the room, a fresh bottle of water in his hand and poured Aaron a glass before handing it to him.

“Has Abby already talked with you about hearing aid options?” Andrew asked as he sat back down on his chair.

Aaron took a big sip from the water to postpone his response.

“A bit. She invited an expert for next week, who will take a look at it.”

Andrew nodded in approval. “That’s good.”

“You don’t seem too excited about it.” Neil observed.

“I don’t understand why it’s so important. I lived without hearing aid fine enough.” Aaron crossed his armes in front of his chest.

“It will help you.”

“It just seems so unnecessary.”

“We can try it out.” Andrew said at last. “If it really makes you uncomfortable then you can still take them out.”

With that the decision was made.
Kevin visited him when the others weren’t there. He sat on Aaron’s bed, held his hand in his and just talked. Really, it was a simple as that but it meant the world to Aaron.

“Katelyn asked if she can visit you too or if that would make you uncomfortable.” He asked.

“No, tell her she can come. She can even bring Jamie.”

Quite frankly it was rather boring all alone in the hospital if not one of his friends was there. Aaron longed for variety. He longed for a structured day. He longed to have the freedom to decide for himself.

Katelyn and Jamie visited a day later. Katelyn had brought some of the class work with her and despite telling him to rest Aaron looked at the papers as soon as he was alone again.

The second week at the hospital Aaron spent almost identically to the first, except he left his room to do tests with Dr. Ramses.
The results were the exact same Aaron had been given nine years ago. Single sided deafness. He was completely deaf on the right side.

Aaron could have given them the same answer without the tests. After all, he had lived for a long time without hearing anything on his right. It would have surprised him if he had suddenly regained some of it back.

“There are a few hearing aid options that we can try out to compensate for the loss of hearing. Nothing is entirely lost, ever.”

Aaron hated how Dr. Ramses said we. He wasn’t the one who was deaf so what did he have to compensate?
We? No it was always Aaron on his own.

“And what would that be?” Abby asked for him.

Dr. Ramses pulled out a flyer for a hearing aid, a man was on the cover smiling into the distance.

“This option is the most adequate for you. We wouldn’t have to install a sensor to your head. With the CROS system you get two devices. One is recording the sounds from the right side and it will be played over the device in your left ear.”

Aaron flipped through the flyer, not really reading any of it.

“Yeah, sure.”

“If this option doesn’t work for you, we can adjust it or work something else out.” Dr. Ramses misinterpreted Aaron’s apathy as worry. Another sign that he was a bad doctor.

But Aaron only sighed resigned and shoved the flyer into his pocket.

Kevin visited him after the consultation. Aaron appreciated that he didn’t ask about it and instead pulled out a book from his backpack.

“It’s probably pretty boring here, when you don’t get visited.” He said.

Aaron took the book from him and smiled softly. It was the book Kevin had lent him before the game. Aaron had only read the first chapter so far.

He gently stroked over the cover and looked up. “Thank you, Kevin.”

It was easier with Kevin at the hospital. He made it feel normal.

“What happened after I was taken off of the court?” Aaron asked.

They sat on his bed, cross legged, facing each other.

“Number fourteen got a red card and was suspended from the game. Andrew was furious, Coach had to take him off the court for the rest of the game.” Kevin took his hand and drew little circles around his knuckles. “We won. Andrew and Coach were the first to leave, because they had just gotten the message that you had lost your conscious on the way to the hospital. I came as soon as I had organized the rest of the team. I mean Neil did most of it but I had press duty so that threw me back a bit.”

“I’m glad we won. That’s almost better than revenge.”

“It’s actually the perfect revenge. You should have seen how devastated the Roosters were.”
Kevin smiled, the pretty one that made his dimples pop out. It was almost too much to look at.

The door opened then. Aaron pulled his hand back as Kevin scrambled further down the bed.

“Oh, it’s only you.” Aaron tried to sound normal as his brother entered the room.
Andrew rose an eyebrow.

“Uhm, right, I was just going to leave anyway. See you.” Kevin mumbled. The tips of his ears were red and if the situation wasn't so humbling Aaron might have found it adorable.

“Bye Kevin.” Aaron mumbled and tried to sound as normal as possible.

Andrew closed the door behind Kevin before he made his way to Aaron’s bed and sat down on the spot where Kevin had been just seconds ago.

“What was that all about?” His brother asked, voice as passive as ever.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I might be terrible at being your brother but I’m not stupid.”

Aaron groaned and pursed his lips.

“Promise me, you won’t freak out.”

Andrew mustered him, the way he always did, and then made a gesture for Aaron to continue.

“Promise me.”

“I promise, happy?”

Aaron frowned but sighed defeated. There was no real guarantee anyway. At least Kevin had already left the hospital, maybe the miles between them were enough.

“Kevin asked me out on a date and I said yes.”

Andrew’s eyes fell to Aaron’s fiddling fingers then back to his eyes.

“Did he?”

“Yes.”

Andrew nodded. “Good, because I got tired of waiting.”

Aaron faltered.

“What?”

“He asked me for permission months ago.”

“How come everyone knew before me. That’s so unfair!”

Aaron groaned and reached behind him to thrust his pillow into Andrew’s chest. His brother huffed lightly.

“You are right. You are a terrible brother, you should have told me.”

Andrew pushed the pillow back into Aaron’s lap.

“And ruin the surprise?”

Aaron couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

“I want you to be happy, Aaron, and if Kevin is the one for you then I don’t mind it. I told him the same thing. You guys are acting like an unmarried couple from the nineteen hundreds and I’m your brother who has to fight for your honour.”

“Did you have to study with Kevin again?” Aaron asked and smirked.

“If I’m lucky I won’t ever have to do that again, because you will take that spot.”

Aaron threw the pillow back at Andrew, but kept on smiling. They were by far the oddest twins on this planet but Aaron wouldn’t change it, not even for the moon and stars.

“What did the medical examination reveal?” Andrew changed the topic.

“What we already know. My hearing can’t be restored in the right ear. Here.” Aaron pulled out the flyer from his pocket and handed it to Andrew. “That’s the hearing aid Dr. Ramses recommended.”

Andrew read through the flyer and then looked at Aaron.

“You don’t like it?”

“I hardly like anything.”

Andrew tilted his head to the side.

“Why don’t you want a hearing aid?”

Aaron only sighed again.

“It’s proof that I’m faulty.” He answered hushed.

“I told you that you’re not.”

Aaron interrupted his brother.

“And I’m trying to befriend that thought.” He scratched the back of his neck, a nervous habit to escape Andrews’s heavy stare.
“But it’s hard when all your life you’ve been told something else.”

“Aaron.” Andrew started but his sentence must have been lost between his heart and mouth.
So instead he scooted closer to Aaron on the bed.

“Come here.” He muttered and pulled Aaron down onto the bed and wrapped one of his arms over his waist. The perfect half hug.
Aaron closed his eyes and breathed out shakily.

“The least of all the things you are is faulty.”

Aaron squeezed his eyes shut. He didn’t want to cry in front of his twin.

“You could never be faulty.”

-

The next day Abby dismissed him from the hospital. She told him that the hearing aids would be ordered to her office on campus. She would call him once they arrived.

Nicky and Andrew came, helped him pack up his stuff and then drove to a Thai restaurant to celebrate his discharge.

“Hereby I forbid either of you to ever get hurt again.” Nicky declared. “I don’t think my poor heart can take any more of this.”

“If it were up to me, you wouldn’t see me back in a hospital until I am a doctor.”

Aaron scratched up the leftover rice on his plate. The hospital food had tasted so bland that Aaron had hardly been able to finish his meals. The Thai food however was a real explosion of flavour on his tongue and he was almost disappointed that he had already finished it.

“The same goes for you, Andrew.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Don’t “yeah, yeah” me. I worry about you. Both of you.”

Nicky looked so crushed that Aaron couldn’t help but reach over the table and place his hand on his cousin’s.

“I’m not willingly trying to give you any unnecessary trouble.”

Nicky sighed. “I know. It’s the world that’s cruel. You guys deserve so much better.”

“You do too.” Andrew assured him. His voice sounded dull, as if he was trying to keep it neutral.

“Okay, enough heartache. We are definitely too young to be wasting a night like this on the shocking realization how devastatingly unfair life is.”

Andrew ordered ice cream and then they spent the rest of the evening chatting about everything and nothing.
Nicky insisted that he got to choose Aaron’s outfit for the date and Aaron couldn’t do anything else but say yes.

This had been what Aaron had dreamed of when he had been younger. He had always wanted a family that sat together, that laughed together, that helped each other. It had been the prospect of something like that existing for Aaron somewhere that had him not losing hope.

Now that he had it, it was almost too much for him to bear. He loved them so much. Nicky and Andrew. They couldn’t be more different and yet they were both the same in one point. They both shared an unbreakable loyalty to Aaron.

“We should cut your hair.” Nicky said. He sat behind Aaron in the Maserati and played with his hair. “We could shave the sides like this and leave it long on top.”

Nicky pulled the hair on Aaron’s side to the back. Aaron looked at himself in the rearview mirror. With shaved sides he would look like Andrew.

“Oh, we could trim the front too and give you bangs.”

Aaron’s lips pursed.

“The hair in my eyes would annoy me.” He commented.

“Okay, no bangs then.”

Nicky combed his fingers through Aaron’s hair and messed it up even more.

“What do you think, Andrew?”

Andrew only glanced at Aaron for a second before he focused completely on the street again.

“Shaved sides and the rest a stylish mess.”

Nicky pulled back the sides again and his face lit up.

“You might be right, Andrew. That could look really cool.”

“Can you stop playing with my hair?” Aaron tilted his head out of Nicky’s hands and his cousin leaned back in his seat.

“Maybe I don’t want to cut it.”

“Aaron, I love your skater look. It’s really cute. But weren’t you the one who asked me for a different haircut last month?”

“Yeah, but- I don’t know.”

He tousled his hair back, then pulled it into his face again. The longest bits of it hitting his chin.

“If you don’t want to do it, we don’t have to.” Nicky said at last. “We won’t force you.”

“It’s just- what if I don’t like how it looks?”

“Then we all get buzzcuts.” Andrew deadpanned.

“What?” Nicky shrieked. “Do you know how long it took to grow out my hair like this?”

Nicky threw his long, luscious, brown curls over his shoulder. “Sorry, Aaron but I’m not buzzing it all off for you.”

“If you really loved me, you would do it.” Aaron replied and stuck out his tongue.

He watched Nicky’s face sour in the mirror.

“I love you enough to do it.” Andrew huffed and steered them off the main road.

“Look, even Andrew would do it.”

“It was his idea!”

“And?” The twins said at the same time.

Nicky rolled his eyes and fell dramatically back into his seat.

“You guys are dangerous when working together.” He sighed. “Fine, but you know as well as I do that I’m a fantastic hairdresser.”

Aaron grinned and when his brother held up his hand, he clapped it.

-

Kevin hadn’t told him what he had planned for their date. It didn’t matter to Aaron but Nicky made a fuss over “not knowing what the occasion called for”. Aaron sighed as he sat down on his bed next to Andrew.

“Can’t I just wear jeans and a t-shirt?” Aaron asked and Nicky screeched.

“And let you walk around like you always do? No, not when I get to choose the outfit. You have so many good clothes, you just have to combine them better!”

Aaron turned to Andrew and rose an eyebrow in question.

“He thinks you’re ugly.” Andrew explained and Aaron lightly smacked his arm.

“I don’t think you’re ugly, Aaron. Don’t spread lies, Andrew, I thought that was beneath you.” Nicky said.

He held up two of Aaron’s beloved shirts and then tossed them to the side. “Besides you can’t just wear jeans when you go to a restaurant. You would have to show some class then.”

“I don’t think my ‘class’ is what made Kevin fall for me.”

“Yeah, it was probably your unbearable lack of it.”

Aaron smacked his brother again, who just grinned with his eyes.

“Worth it.”

“Stop fighting you two and help me decide.”Nicky interrupted them and came over to present his outfit options.

“We have: I’m cool and classic but also a bit emo.”

Nicky held up black dress pants, a dark green sum41 band shirt and the collar of a dress shirt. In the other hand he held a bunch of necklaces, that Aaron was sure were a mix of not only his but also Nicky’s and Andrew’s.

“Or: I like you, but you gave me no instructions so this is my outfit.”

He held up washed out black jeans with a black t-shirt. Basically what Aaron wore every single day.

“The second.” Aaron said.

“Wrong.” Nicky corrected him and threw Aaron’s preferred clothing choice on Matt’s bed. “Obviously you want the first option. Right, Andrew?”

“Sure.”

“Why would you give me an option when you have already decided?”

“Because I had hopes that my upbringing would have taught you one or two things.”

Andrew pushed his elbow into his brother’s ribs.

“He’s indirectly calling you unfashionable.”

“You don’t have to pretend you’re any better, Andrew. Wearing all black is easy.”

Andrew huffed.

“I would go with the first one, too.” Andrew said at last.

Reluctantly, Aaron got up and took the clothes out of his cousin’s hands. He changed into them and stood in front of the mirror. He had to admit that it didn’t look bad. His new haircut complemented the vibe of the outfit perfectly.

“What do we think?” Aaron asked as he turned to his family.

Nicky’s face was lit up by a bright smile.

“You look fantastic!”

Andrew nodded shortly to agree with their cousin. “What do you think?”

“I think, I like it.”

Andrew and Nicky followed him to the front door, where he slipped into his shoes. He took one final look in the mirror and actually started to like what he saw. He turned to his family. Andrew gave him a thumbs up.

“My baby’s first date.” Nicky faked wiping a tear out of his eye. “They grow up so fast.”

“If he bothers you, you call me and I pick you up.”

Aaron grimaced at that but agreed to call Andrew if he needed to.
He was almost out of the door when Nicky held him back to give him a tight hug. In his ear Nicky whispered that he would clean up the room and then Aaron, finally, said goodbye.

“I’ll text you when I get back.” He promised.

-

Kevin waited for him in front of the fox tower.
The first thing Aaron noticed were the casual clothes Kevin wore. Jeans, T-shirt and a jacket thrown over it.

He looked stunning nonetheless. Aaron had a theory that Kevin could wear anything and look good. Which didn’t help his case at all right now. Kevin smiled when he saw him and came over to him.

“I’m overdressed, right?” Aaron asked and scratched his neck. “I told Nicky not to overdo it.”

“No, no, you’re definitely not overdressed. You’re perfect.” Kevin stuttered. “If anything I’m underdressed.”

“You can hardly underdress yourself, Kevin.” Aaron muttered and watched as the tips of Kevin’s ears turn red.

“Nah, I should have put more thought into my outfit.”

“I only look like this because Nicky put too much thought into my outfit.”

“Maybe I should have asked him to dress me too.” Kevin laughed.

“And fulfil his dress up game fantasies?” Aaron felt the corners of his mouth rising.

“God, no, we need to start an intervention. How many of those gacha games does he have on his phone?”

“Too many to count. He was trying to rope me into downloading one with devils, I think. Cursed.”

“Oh, you poor soul.”

Kevin gently led him to the parking lot next to the building. Only a few cars ever parked there, not a lot of students had enough money to maintain the bills for one. But today, next to all the Volvos and sports cars, stood Wymack’s red pickup truck.
Aaron turned to raise his eyebrows at Kevin.

“I asked my dad if I could borrow his car for the night.” Kevin explained.

A couple of weeks ago Kevin had started to refer to Wymack as his dad when he wasn’t around. Aaron had never asked him why but he had, ever since he had noticed it, encouraged him.

“And where exactly are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“You’re not even going to give me a hint?” Aaron asked as he climbed into the passenger seat.

“Am I even dressed appropriately for the occasion? I knew I should have just stuck with jeans and a shirt.”

“Aaron.” Kevin turned to him, shifting the gear stick between them. “You’re dressed perfectly fine. I like what you’re wearing and I like that you wear it for the date. Now stop worrying. I would have told you if you had to wear something specific. I’m not a monster. ”

“Right, you’re just Kevin, the most famous person in the world.”

They passed an intersection, driving out of the town.

“Sure. But I’m also just Kevin, who’s a history student and who likes a little mean blonde, who drinks too much coffee and worries about what he’s wearing.”

Kevin flashed him a small smile and Aaron turned to look out of the window.
In the reflection, he could see his cheeks tinted in a light pink.

“Sorry, it’s just my first date and I don’t know if I’m doing this right or not. It’s just all so new for me.“

“Wait! Say that again.” Kevin interrupted him.

“It’s all new for me?”

“No before that.”

“It’s my first date?” Aaron muttered, turning back around.

He had known that he would use all the wrong words. Why could he never shut up?

“Oh, Aaron, you should have told me. I would have done something classic and cheesy. Like going to the cinema and watching a shitty romcom.” Kevin pouted.

“Maybe I don’t like cheesy. I’m sure you’ve planned something I like much better.”

“Well, now I’m scared I picked the wrong thing.”

“Don’t be. There aren’t any expectations that you have to exceed. You know, for my first date I’ve set the bar very low.” Aaron smiled, generously. He tucked a loose strand of hair back, only for it to fall right in his face again.
“You already got plus points for picking me up and complimenting my outfit.”

“How generous of you. Will you grade me at the end of the night?” Kevin asked and manoeuvred the car down a country road.

“Maybe I will, if you already ask me like that.”

“What do I get if I get an A?”

Aaron hummed, stalling as if to contemplate what he could give Kevin. “A second date?”

“Then I’ll have to be extra good.”

Kevin turned at an intersection and then the road came to an end. All around them were fields and grass. Above them the sky was illuminated in orange and red by the sinking sun. It was breathtaking.

“Wow, I didn’t know that there were spots like this in Palmetto.” Aaron muttered. “But what exactly are we doing here?”

“Turn around and look in the back.”

Aaron unbuckled his seatbelt and turned around in his seat completely. On the loading area, pushed all the way to the side, stood a basket and surrounding it were blankets and pillows.

“I thought we could do some sort of picknick. Watch the sun set and the stars and should that bore you I even packed my laptop and downloaded a few movies.” Kevin explained.

“And I thought you hadn’t planned something cheesy.” Aaron teased him, but was too touched by the fact that Kevin had planned all of this for him to say more.

“Did you bring strawberries?” Aaron asked instead.

He followed Kevin out of the pickup and let him pull him up on the back of it.

“Of course, I brought strawberries. Neil even helped me dip them into chocolate.”

“When did you even have time for all of this?”

Aaron spread one of the blankets out on the ground while Kevin positioned the pillows.

“You were in the hospital for two weeks. I had enough time to plan this all out.”

“I’m sure Neil was thrilled to help.”

“Actually now that you mention it, he was. He even gave me advice on what food I should bring and searched for a place to take you.”

Aaron groaned. He would slap Neil for this. No, scratch that, he would kill him.
“I told him to mind his own business.”

“And you thought that would work on Neil? He wouldn’t recognize minding his own business even if it stood right in front of him.”

He had no choice but to agree with Kevin. Neil didn’t really have a track record of staying low and out of trouble. It was quite the opposite actually.

“Let’s not talk about Neil anymore.” Aaron decided.

Kevin changed the topic cleverly and they talked about the book Aaron had borrowed from Kevin while they watched the sky turn from colourful orange to dark blue with silver dots.

Aaron sunk deeper into the pillows and Kevin’s arms. The taller tucked him closer to his chest and threw a blanket over their legs as they stared up into the sky.

“That constellation is called Cassiopeia.” Kevin whispered and pointed at a star group that formed a W.

“How do you know so much about stars?”

“A lot of Greek mythology is connected to them.”

Aaron hummed. Of course, Kevin’s favourite age to study was Ancient Greek and with it the old myths.

The stars became more prominent in the later hours of the night. Kevin kept pointing out star constellations and Aaron pointed at the satellites that crossed the firmament.
And then, before Aaron could really realize what happened, a shooting star fell, bright and beautiful, from the sky. The tail sparkled in the after glow.

“Oh my god! Was that a shooting star?” Aaron asked excitedly. He sat up a bit and Kevin followed him.

“Yes.” Kevin confirmed, a wide smile on his face. “Did you make a wish?”

“No, wait, give me a second.”

Aaron closed his eyes and sent his wish up to the stars. He turned back around to face Kevin.

“What did you wish for?”

“I’m not allowed to tell you.” Aaron reminded him. “It won’t come true if I tell you.”

“I bet you wished to graduate with straight As.” Kevin hummed and pulled Aaron back against his chest.

“No, I don’t need the help of a star for that.”

“Of course.” He nodded his head slowly. “Then maybe that you don’t have to play for the next Exy games.”

“I don’t hate Exy that much.”

He really didn’t. It was annoying, especially during exam season. But Aaron got used to it.

“No?”

“There are worse things in life than Exy.” Aaron explained. “Besides it had been helpful when I was younger. Exy kept me out of the house.”

“I didn’t know that it meant something to you.”

“You couldn’t have. I don’t exactly talk much about it.”

Kevin leaned his head over Aaron’s shoulder and Aaron couldn’t help but lean into the touch.

“One day I’ll tell you all of it. But not now.” He muttered.

Kevin nodded his head and squeezed him lightly.

“And you really don’t want to tell me what you wished for?”

Aaron turned around in Kevin’s embrace and looked him in the eyes.

“I tell you, when you tell me what you wished for.” He said, a teasing grin on his face.

“I can’t tell you.” Kevin hummed. “But I can show you.”

Aaron rose his eyebrows in question.

“And will you show me?”

Kevin nodded slowly. They were so close that Aaron could feel his breath on his own skin. It was exciting. It was addictive.
Kevin leaned in closer so that their foreheads touched.

“Can I kiss you?” Kevin asked.

His voice was nothing but a breath of the wind, featherlight on Aaron’s skin. He couldn’t find his voice and so he could only nod in agreement.

When Kevin kissed him a sun exploded behind Aaron’s vision. The touch of his lips on his was so light and lovely, yet it was everything Aaron had ever wanted. It was worth every anticipated second Aaron had so desperately waited for it.

Kevin leaned back and Aaron chased him, not wanting to lose the contact yet. He granted him a few more seconds before he turned his head away fully. Aaron leaned his head on Kevin's, eyes still closed, casting his breath.

He had never been kissed before. He wondered if it always felt this surreal or if it was just like this with Kevin.

“That was my wish.” Kevin said breathlessly. “Now tell me what yours was.”

“Let me kiss you again.” Aaron muttered.

His eyes were still closed. He couldn’t bear to see Kevin’s perfection for it might have ruined him for anything else.

“I’m all yours.”

The second kiss was softer. Aaron leaned in closer, his hands cradled Kevin’s cheeks, gently moving to his hair to sink them in there.

Kevin grabbed him by his waist and pulled him closer to his chest. Every inch of his body felt hot, burned by the flames of Kevin, but Aaron would never want to step out of it.

Kevin pecked the corner of his mouth, left a trail of kisses along his right cheek until he reached his neck.

It tickled. It felt good. Until it didn’t.

“Wait, stop, Kevin.”

Kevin’s hands and lips left his body immediately. He leaned back a bit more to bring even more space between them.

“Are you okay?” Kevin asked.

“Yes.” Aaron breathed out. “It’s just…”

Kevin tilted his head, looking at him with concern in his eyes.

“It’s just what? You can tell me.”

“I can’t hear you. It feels weird when you kiss me here.” He ran his hand over the right side of his neck. “It’s not that I don’t enjoy it, but it feels so disoriented. Sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize. I’m glad you told me.” Kevin’s hands found their way back to his hips. “But this is still okay?”

Aaron nodded his head. “Yeah, I enjoyed everything else so far.”

“Do you want to continue?”

Aaron was glad that it was way past midnight already so that Kevin couldn’t see how red his face got when he nodded.

“Yes.”

Kevin kissed him again and time stopped for Aaron. They existed in that moment that was made just for them. A place outside of reality, far away from all of their problems. Here Aaron wasn’t deaf and Kevin wasn’t an Exy star. They were just Aaron and Kevin. They were kissing and it felt like flying.

Aaron flew on that high all night long, on the ride back, up the stairs in front of his dorm room all the way to his bed.

-

“And did you watch any of the movies?” Neil asked him.

They were walking back to the fox stadium to meet up with Andrew. Abby had called him in the morning to tell him that the hearing aids had arrived. Three days had passed after the initial date.

“We didn’t really have time for that.” Aaron said.

He felt his cheeks flush lightly as he thought back to Kevin’s body pressed against his own.

“Oh my god, did you-“

“No!” Aaron shrieked in horror. “We just talked and kissed.”

“Sorry, you were so quiet I didn’t quite catch that last part.” Neil smiled all innocently and Aaron remembered how he had sworn to kill the younger.

“We kissed. Happy, pervert?”

“Very! You know what would make me even happier? When you tell me when you guys are going to make it official, so that I can get all the money from the bet.”

Aaron stumbled over his feet and had trouble to catch himself. A bet? On Kevin and him?

“What bet?”

“Oh, just if Kevin and you ever get together. The bet had been really slow the past months but I recently heightened my stakes, because of my insider knowledge.”

Neil grinned brightly.

“And that wasn’t suspicious?”

“No, Andrew did it too.”

“And that should be less suspicious?”

Neil shrugged his shoulders.

“Well, we are betting on a lot of other stuff too.”

Aaron sighed. Would he ever be able to make sense of Neil? He didn’t know.

“You do know, that when you bet wrong on all the other stuff, that you will lose the money from this bet to those?”

“Obviously, I only took smart and safe bets.”

“And you really want me to believe that the others didn’t start asking questions on why you’re suddenly betting on Kevin and me?”

“God, Aaron. You’re no fun.”

“Fun isn’t what I was aiming for. I just want to understand.”

They walked down a small path between two campus buildings, a short cut to the stadium that Matt had shown Aaron in his first year.

“Okay, maybe Andrew and I spread some misinformation about you two.”

Aaron rose his eyebrows.

“Like what?”

“That you guys were fighting.”

“I hardly think Matt or Allison would believe that.”

“Neither of them were in Columbia, so they couldn’t really check if we were lying.” Neil pressed his lips together and smiled. “Now that I think about it, Allison was really thrilled to see that Andrew was sharing gossip.”

“I bet she was.” Aaron groaned.

“Either way, the money will double if you guys get together by the end of the month.” Neil made quotation marks in the air when he said “get together.”

“I don’t get why you don’t make it official yet. What’s with all the secrets?”

Aaron sighed. “It’s not that easy for Kevin, okay? He’s scared of his reputation. He wants to do it the right way.”

“And the right way is?”

“I don’t know. But he definitely benefits from caring friends more right now than a stupid bet.”

Neil nodded his head. The confession had felt ice cold when Kevin had told him this morning that he would need time to figure out how he wanted to announce their relationship to the public.

“It’s not you nor us. I like us together. I want us. I just want to do this right, okay? Can you give me the time? Can you be my little secret for just a while longer?” Kevin had pleaded and who was Aaron to tell him no?

There wasn’t enough resistance in his body to put a wall up for Kevin and shut him out.
He never would have thought that he could have Kevin at all. So what were a few weeks more if that meant he could have Kevin for the rest of all time?

Kevin had kissed his forehead before he had left to talk to Wymack. And Aaron had stood in his dorm room torn between adoring him and hating the world for being so difficult.
Why couldn’t they just be two boys who kissed? Why did it have to be such an obstacle.

“I’ll talk to him.” Neil assured him.

“No mean words, Neil.”

“I’m not that bad of a friend actually. You of all people should know that.”

Aaron rolled his eyes but threw his arm over Neil’s shoulder to pull him to his side.

“Yeah, yeah, I know.”

“So, tell me again how your date was. This time with all the details.”

And because Aaron was smitten and hopelessly in love, he gave Neil another complete recap of yesterday night.

Andrew already waited by the door, cigarette in his hand and his eyes on the sidewalk Neil and Aaron walked.
They went in together but Neil excused himself to get to the court.

“Junkie.” Andrew called after him, but Neil only grinned.

When Neil was out of ear shot, Andrew turned to his brother and said: “I need to quit smoking.”

Aaron rose his eyebrows. That was new.
He would have never thought this day would ever come. Not after Aaron had basically begged him to stop in the first months of college when it had been apparent that he smoked through a whole pack in a day.

“Is this something you want my help with?” Aaron asked.

“Can you?”

“I can try.”

The fluorescent lights in the hallway flickered, a nervous rhythm that matched Aaron’s heartbeat.

“It’s not going to be easy or pretty. Withdrawal is absolute shit.”

“I know.”

Aaron thought of closed bathroom doors, cold tiles, puke in the toilet and his never ending pleas to let him out, that he would be good. That he could be good. Aaron thought of the emptiness inside of him, the wish for one more high, the desperate hope of death to release him.

“No, you don’t.” Aaron muttered. “But that’s okay. It’s not something you can know unless you’ve experienced it.”

Andrew hummed lowly.

“What’s with the change of mind? A year ago you weren’t even willing to have a conversation like this with me.”

“It’s time to give up bad habits, don’t you think?” Andrew stopped in front of Abby’s office and rose his hand to knock. “You stopped with the drugs. Kevin quit drinking. I should stop smoking.”

“And then we make Neil quit Exy?”

Andrew huffed. “Not even locking him up could stop him from thinking about Exy.”

“Tough luck.” Aaron smiled and gently pushed his shoulder against Andrew’s.

The door to Abby’s office opened and the young woman greeted them with a bright smile.

“Come in, boys.”

Her office was as clinically clean as ever. All the utensils were stored correctly and the papers on her desk were stacked neatly. On the desk was also a silver tablet with the hearing aid.
Abby motioned for them to sit down on the two chairs she pulled in front of the table.

“Dr Ramses gave me an instruction on how to use and install them. I think it was also in your interest that he is not there today, right?”

Aaron nodded his head. But even more did he wish that he didn’t have to be here today.
Abby handed him the small silver devices and Aaron placed them in his ears.
The extra weight felt uncomfortable, unusual.

“You have to turn on the microphone on the right side.” Abby instructed. “It’s on the bottom of the device.”

Aaron didn’t move. He couldn’t.
This was torture micro-dosed.
Andrew moved beside him and then he leaned towards him.

“Do you want me to turn it on?” He asked and Aaron could only nod his head again.

He had promised to try out the hearing aid. He was here because he had promised to use them. The very least he could do now was follow through with it before he dismissed it completely. He owed it to Andrew.

Andrew stood up to get to his right side. His fingers were hot on Aaron’s skull and then with a small crack the device came on.
He heard rustling on his left that he knew must come from the right, because that was where Andrew stood. But it irritated him. He twitched to look to his left, then stopped himself. He had to force himself to sit completely still until Andrew sat on his chair again.
Then he turned to first look at his brother and then Abby.

“How does it feel?” Abby asked.

“Weird.”

“Of course, it is a new hearing experience for you. I’m sure you will get used to it.”

Aaron grunted. He wasn’t convinced that this was the best solution.
He had been fine without it. But he saw Abby’s smile and Andrew's eyebrow raised in hopeful expectation and so Aaron kept the hearing aids in.

He would give it a try. It couldn’t get much worse than it already was.
They left Abby’s office and naturally walked to the court.

On the white floor, Neil was relentlessly doing target practices. His target was an orange cone at the center line. An instruction came from the trainer box when Neil missed the target again:

“You have to put more power into your throw, Neil. It won’t make it to the player if you continue to play so hesitant.”

It was Kevin. Aaron’s eyes immediately zeroed in on the black haired boy, who stood, leaning against the glass almost like his father would, and gave Neil advice on how to play better.
It surprised him that he didn’t see him on the court as well.

Aaron followed his brother down the steps and when Andrew sat down on the last row of the bleachers Aaron continued walking to the trainer box.
The door fell closed behind him and Kevin immediately turned around. His eyes softened when he saw Aaron.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Kevin asked and pushed off the glass to stand by his boyfriend.

“Abby got the hearing aid for me.” Aaron sighed and tapped his cheek near his ear.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really. It’s uncomfortable. Abby said, I will get used to it but I don’t know.”

Aaron shrugged his shoulders. But he was glad that Kevin didn’t push the topic instead he opened his arms, an invite for Aaron to lean on him and he gladly took it.

He pressed his right ear to Kevin’s chest, like he always did, but now he could hear the rustle of his clothes and his beating heart in his left ear, he almost physically recoiled from how unusual it felt. He shifted around a bit, but at last decided to wiggle his hand between them and turn the device off.

“And what have you been up to?” Aaron asked. He was desperate for a distraction.

“I talked to my dad this morning.”

“About?”

“Us.”

The heat creeped up Aaron’s spine and settled in his cheeks. He pressed close to Kevin in hopes that he didn’t see it.

“And what did he say?”

“He was surprised, but he’s happy for us.” Kevin whispered and leaned down to kiss the crown of Aaron’s head.

“What else did you talk about?“

“He asked if you want to do the whole meeting the parents thing.” Kevin chuckled. “If you do, he’s inviting you for dinner this Thursday.”

“Sure, let’s do it.”

“You would really do it?”

Aaron gently pulled away from Kevin to look at him.

“When I’m dating you, I want to do it the cliche cheesy way even if we are nothing like the cliche.”

Kevin smiled and Aaron made it worthwhile. He pushed up on his toes and pressed a kiss to Kevin’s dimple.

“I know we are relatively early on in this relationship, but I want to do this right.” Kevin whispered. “That’s what I told my dad too. I don’t want to lose you because of Exy.”

“I appreciate it, Kevin. I really do.”

He was back in Kevin’s arms but he positioned himself so that he could still look up at Kevin while the elder looked down. His fingers ran through the hair at the nape of Kevin’s neck. It was soft, even silklike.

“Good, because my dad said we could try and only tell our friends first. That way I have enough time to draft a statement.”

Kevin cringed at the word “statement”. His whole face scrunched up. It was kind of adorable.

“I mean only if you want to. It’s small steps, but I want you to know that I’m trying.”

“I know you are, Kevin. You don’t have to prove it to me and I want you to know that I’m not pushing you to do anything you don’t want to. I can wait. I’ve waited a long time, a few more days, weeks, months mean nothing to me.”

“You’re too kind.” Kevin leaned down and kissed Aaron’s forehead.

It was as if Aaron’s heart blossomed inside his chest. For all the bad things that had happened, it was all worth it to stand right here in Kevin’s arms. The hearing aid was suddenly unimportant and so was the rest of the world.

It was just them. Kevin and Aaron. Two boys and the world continued to turn.

The door to the trainer box opened again and involuntarily Aaron froze in Kevin’s arms.

“We’re leaving, lovebirds. Are you coming with us or not?” Neil asked, his voice was way too happy for someone who had just finished an extensive Exy practice.

Aaron groaned and thumped his head on Kevin’s shoulder.

“We’re coming.” He muttered as Kevin chuckled and the waves rippled through his chest jolting Aaron lightly.

“By the way, you never graded me on that first date.” Kevin intertwined their fingers and pulled him after the others.

“I thought it was pretty obvious what you got.”

“Would you do me the favour and tell me anyway? I perform so much better after positive feedback.” Kevin batted his eyes innocently and Aaron resisted the urge to push him.

“You can take me on a second date.” Aaron said instead. They passed Andrew, who held open the doors for them and Aaron could hear him huff.

“They are going to be insufferable from now on.”

Neil laughed.

“Haven’t they been exactly that already?”

-

The dinner at Wymack’s place was, despite Aaron’s panic and Nicky’s renewed help to dress him, this time in something he called “casual chic”, as normal as every other dinner Aaron ever had with his coach.

Kevin and Wymack held their usual Exy conversation. Training plans, the season and their opponents. Abby was also there. She smiled at him and then bribed him into a conversation of her own.

“Let the boys have their fangirl moment.” She said and patted Wymack’s shoulder lovingly.

Aaron wore the CROS system so the conversation eventually drifted to that.

“Will you wear the hearing aid for Exy games?” Wymack asked him.

They had settled around the kitchen table. Abby had made spaghetti carbonara and the smell filled the room. Even Aaron, who usually didn’t eat in the evening, became hungry.

“Uhm, I don’t know. I have to test it out at practice. It’s still pretty disorienting.”

He poked around in his spaghetti and forced a smile on his lips. The truth was that Aaron still hadn’t gotten used to the hearing aid and he didn’t think he ever would.
He could hear all the sounds now, but sometimes they doubled on his left ear leaving him utterly confused. The few times where it had actually helped him were so slim he could count them on one hand.

There was Nicky, who had called after him and since he had been to Aaron's far right back the hearing aid had picked it up better. The second time had been during class when Katelyn had leaned in on his right side to comment on something their teacher had said.

“Well, you’ll have enough time to figure it out on Friday.” Wymack said.

Aaron was already placing his fork down when Kevin nudged his side.

“Can I borrow your car for the summer break, dad?” Kevin asked and stirred the attention and conversation away from Aaron.

Kevin discussed his summer plans with his father and gave Aaron the time to emotionally collect himself. Underneath the table Aaron reached for Kevin’s hand and squeezed it in gratitude.

The rest of the dinner passed normally. They talked about Columbia and Aaron’s summer plans. Since Wymack and Abby already knew Aaron, they didn’t have to ask the awkward questions and their conversations continued uneventful.

They talked until late in the night and when they said their goodbyes Abby hugged Aaron tightly.

“I’m so happy for you.” She whispered into his ear and Aaron wished he could stay in her arms forever.

Kevin took his hand and then slowly bribed him down the stairs and out into the early summer night.

Aaron enjoyed the simple togetherness, just the two of them hand in hand. Half way to the fox tower Aaron turned off the CROS system. It irritated him, especially when Kevin was talking on his good side but the system picked up environmental sounds from his right.

They took the stairs up to Aaron’s dorm and Kevin followed him inside. The lights were out, Aaron checked the living area but Matt wasn’t there. Kevin turned the light on when he stepped into the room and then went over to wrap his arms around Aaron from behind.

“Sorry, I told my dad not to ask you about the hearing aid.” Kevin whispered into his good ear. Aaron turned slowly in the embrace.

“It’s okay. It’s only natural that he wants to know how I’m coping with it.”

Kevin placed his hands on Aaron’s hips as the younger leaned up into him.

“Yeah, but tonight was private. It shouldn’t have been about Exy.”

Aaron shrugged and reached up to sneak a kiss from Kevin’s lips.

“But you talked about Exy with him too.”

“That’s different.”

Aaron hummed but didn’t actually see the difference, instead he kissed Kevin again.

“Stay here, yeah?”

“In the living room? Like in Columbia.“ Kevin smiled down at him.

Aaron shook his head. “No, stay here for the night. In my bed.”

“I would love to but-“

“No but.” Aaron kissed him again to shut his stupid mouth up that was starting to conjure up excuses.

Kevin kissed him back but then gently pushed him away.

“I have strength training at the gym at five am tomorrow.”

Aaron grunted annoyed.

“I thought you didn’t want to lose me because of Exy.”

Kevin hummed and swayed them around.

“I regret having said that. You will use that for everything now.”

Aaron smiled. “I might. Is it working?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

-

The following day Aaron woke up without Kevin in his bed but another note on his bedside drawer.

“Exy called for me. I didn’t want to wake you up, I’ll see you later at the court. Ps: you still drool in your sleep and I still think it’s cute <3”

Aaron felt his cheeks heat up and he very deliberately stored the note deep inside his drawer, where no one would ever find it.
Aaron changed and rushed to the kitchen to make himself a quick breakfast. In the doorway he almost crashed into Matt.

“Morning, sleepy head.” Matt greeted him.

“Late for class?”

“Something like that.” Aaron muttered and was already trying to get past Matt when he realized that when Matt was here he possibly had seen Kevin. In his bed. With him.

“Uhm, did you see Kevin?” Aaron asked, trying to keep his voice as balance as possible.

“No.” Matt threw his bag on his desk. “I just came in. He’s probably at the gym or something. He has this insane morning work out plan.”

Matt laughed and Aaron breathed out in relief.

“Yeah, it will get him into an early grave one day.”

“Exactly what I’m saying. Like good grief Kevin, calm down. No man needs that much work out.”

Aaron laughed along then he excused himself.

“Okay, see you later at practice then.“

He practically fled the dorm.
He really had to talk to Kevin about the whole making their relationship public to their friends thing, because if it would always be like this then Aaron really wasn’t cut out for it.

He spent his anatomy lesson telling Katelyn about the dinner last night instead of listening to his professor. But neither Katelyn nor him had any difficulties with the subject so it didn’t matter if they paid attention or not. Their professor usually uploaded his lecture online afterwards anyway.

“Anyway, he stayed over for the night.”

Katelyn smiled brightly. “Ah, that’s adorable! God, I’m so happy for you.”

“But don’t tell it anyone else, okay? We haven’t really decided how we want to make it public. Especially since Kevin has this whole Exy career going on and wants to prepare for the media and all the questions.” Aaron sighed. “I like it better when it’s just us. Just Kevin and Aaron, who aren’t Exy players, but I get that it’s the best when he does it like this instead of just carelessly announcing it.”

Katelyn pouted and threw her arm around Aaron.

“It won’t always be like this. And you can still always be just Kevin and Aaron around your friends and family.”

“Thank you, Kate. It’s just a lot I guess. This morning Matt came into my room and I panicked for a good ten minutes wether he had seen us. But turns out Kevin had left at five am and Matt had just arrived. I thought my heart was in my throat.”

“But would it have been so bad if Matt had seen you?”

“No, yes, I don’t know. Look, I don’t know if we are actually telling the others now or not.” Aaron explained.

“But would you like to tell the others?”

“Yes, I guess.”

“Well, then you won’t have anything to worry about. It will all be alright.”

Aaron tried to believe in Katelyn’s words. He had them on repeat as he walked to the stadium for Exy practice. He almost echoed them back to Nicky when his cousin greeted him half way to the court.

“I heard your meet-the-parent-dinner went well.” Nicky said and nudged Aaron’s side.

“I mean, I already know David and Abby.”

“David?” Nicky asked and wiggled his eyebrows.

“Shut up, Nicky. He said when I’m dating his son I can hardly call him Coach outside of training.”

It had surprised Aaron and it had taken him even longer to get used to not instinctively calling him Coach every time he addressed him.

It should scare Aaron that dating Kevin was going so fast and smoothly but all Aaron felt was security. He knew Kevin. He knew David and Abby. This was a save environment and maybe that was what it took for Aaron to really let himself feel the way he felt.
Aaron needed the security blanket to jump and float.

“I feel like you’re climbing a career ladder I didn’t even know existed. Coach’s going to favour you over the rest of us now.”

“He already does, because I’m not as annoying as you all.”

Nicky audibly gasped, but then smiled.

“You know, I always had the suspicion that Wymack shows you off to the other coaches at the winter banquet.”

Aaron furrowed his brows. “What do you mean?”

“Starting player and pre med student. How many other players take an educational path as mentally challenging as yours and keep up with a highly competitive and nationally watched sport? I know no one else.”

Aaron tried to think of the other players that they met at the winter banquet every year. He tried to remember what they were studying, but Aaron had either not asked or it must have been something trivial that Aaron had forgotten about again.

But it flooded him with pride to think that Wymack sat with the other coaches and talked highly of him.
He didn’t indulge in the thought for too long, after all Wymack wouldn’t pick favourites among them. Albeit he always looked out for Kevin first in every crowd.

Practice started surprisingly uneventful. Kevin greeted him with a friendly side hug that only lasted a second too long to be called purely platonic, but wouldn’t be noticed if you didn’t know.

Wymack gave a few instructions and filled the others in on Aaron’s hearing aids.
Aaron had given the permission to inform the others while he had still been in the hospital. The real reason behind it was kept as low as possible. A former head injury. But given his past most of his teammates could probably guess what that meant.

“Aaron is still trying them out so I want you to be careful and look out for each other.”
Wymack dismissed them to the locker rooms and they quickly got changed.

“Yo, I didn’t know that you had trouble with them.” Matt said, jogging up next to Aaron, who stretched near the goal. “I thought they were supposed to help you.”

Aaron shrugged.

“It’s new, so it’s weird.”

“Ah, I forgot you’re a creature of habit. If there’s anything I can do for you just let me know.” Matt smiled and continued his round around the court.

Sometimes Aaron wondered how easily Matt could give away kindness. It seemed to be his second nature to hand out smiles and good deeds.

Aaron was worried that one day he would darken Matt’s sunny sky with his thick clouds.
They were called to the centre line by Dan and continued their target practices under Kevin’s direction.

It was predictably harder for Aaron than it had been just a few weeks ago. Aaron didn’t have the aim that Neil or Kevin had but he had never been this bad. He threw the ball and he missed the cone not by a few millimetres but by a whole lot more. He almost knocked over Allison’s cone instead, that was how bad he was.

“Hey, that’s mine!” Allison called out to him, a laugh on her lips. It was all in good nature but Aaron wanted to die.

Embarrassed he stepped back from the court line and motioned for Matt to go up next.

“We all have bad days.” Nicky reassured him.
He threw his arm around his cousin and buffed his chest lovingly.

“It’s not that.” Aaron muttered.

He was sure he would be fine if he turned off the hearing aid.

“I confuse the sounds I’m hearing. I constantly want to turn to my left because I think something is coming my way.”

Nicky pouted. His big brown eyes doubled their size.

“I don’t need your pity.” Aaron informed him.

“I’m not pitying you. It just sucks that you’re still struggling with them when they are supposed to help you.”

Aaron shrugged his shoulders and let his head hang low. He wasn’t ready for this conversation yet. He wasn’t ready to give up yet.

The pout on Nicky’s lips was proof enough. They want the hearing aids to work for Aaron and so Aaron would sit it out until he got comfortable.

After target practice they split up into teams and got ready for a few short scrimmages.
Aaron stood in front of Andrew’s goal, like he always did. The familiarity gave him some sense of comfort that the short game wouldn’t be as terrible as the beginning of the practice had been.

But Aaron should be proven wrong. It didn’t take long for Aaron to realize that this wouldn’t work. The foot steps echoed through the court and his skull. They came from all around him and yet only from one side. Aaron tried to shift his focus on all his sense, but to no use.
His body stopped in the middle of a defence attack, like a heart giving out.

The shouts of his teammates, the squeaking of the shoes, the clacking of racquets - it all swirled around in Aaron’s head. Always coming from the left side, always throwing him off. He swayed to the side but there was nothing to lean onto so he stumbled a few steps until he caught himself again.

“What the hell? Aaron, you ruined our play!” He heard someone say but couldn’t make out from where exactly.

His head was spinning, around and around.
“Aaron? Aaron!” This voice was closer to him.
He looked up to find his brother stare right at him.

“Aaron?”

He hummed softly as his body staggered into his twin’s.

“What’s wrong?”

“Everything.” Aaron said, his voice deflating.

That was all it took for Andrew to sign something to their teammates and then he dragged Aaron off of the court.
Once the door closed behind them the world quieted down. It was like rain after a hot summer day. It was relief.

Before anyone could further discuss what had happened, Aaron stripped off his helmet and turned off the hearing aid. The sickening feeling in his stomach ebbed down with it.
The door behind them opened again and upon closing Aaron turned around and was faced with Kevin.

“Is everything alright?” Kevin asked a bit breathless.

“It’s the hearing aid.” Aaron explained. With a sigh he sank onto the player bench.
“It’s disorienting.”

Aaron didn’t know how often he had said these exact words in the past weeks. But he had meant them every single time.

“It- it looked worse than before.” Kevin moved away from the door to stand beside Andrew.

“Have you eaten anything today?” Andrew asked promptly and Aaron wished for silence.

“Yes, I promise. It is the hearing aid.”

Aaron looked from Kevin’s worried face to Andrew who carefully guarded his emotions behind a scrawl.

“Can we do anything for you?” Kevin asked.

Aaron shook his head. He had to get used to it, that was the only solution to this problem.

“What’s the problem guys?”

Belatedly Aaron turned his head to see Wymack walking towards them.

“Aaron has trouble with his hearing aid.” Kevin told his father.

“I can see that, but as long as none of you suddenly graduated as audiologist, I don’t want to see you here. Go back on the court.”

Kevin attempted to argue with his dad but Wymack dismissed him with a loving push towards the court.

“I handle this.” Aaron heard him say. A reassurance, that meant almost nothing to him.

“You better not lie to me, Aaron” Andrew warned him.

“I wouldn’t.”

Then the door closed behind them and Aaron breathed out deeply.

“Thank you.” Aaron said.

“Not for that. Sometimes Kevin worries too much.”

“And Andrew can be a bit overprotective. I know, it’s their most charming attributes.”

“You get it.” Wymack sat down next to him, clasping his hands on his thighs. “But now to you. What’s wrong? Are they not working?”

Aaron sighed again. His eyes wandered from his teammates to his open palm in which the CROS system lay.

“They actually work too well.”

Wymack nodded along to Aaron’s explanation, the words just fell out of his mouth.
However Wymack pressed his lips together once Aaron came to an end.

“Okay, I understand.” He started. “We knew it wouldn’t be easy and it’s okay that it isn’t.
Sometimes things don’t work out, but that doesn’t mean you have to accept defeat. There are still ways for you to conquer the goal.”

Aaron shrugged his shoulder.

“I think, I lost focus on what the goal was originally.” Aaron muttered. “I want them to work so badly, but what if it’s always going to be like this?”

“Then they are not for you. There are other solutions. The most important thing is, that you are comfortable and master your life in a way you desire and deem enjoyable.”

It wasn’t that Aaron had particularly wanted the hearing aids in the first place. He had actively been against them. But he had also recognized how all the people around him had thought they were the solution, the salvation, and Aaron had wanted to believe it too.

He hadn’t wanted to give up once he had them, because that wasn’t who Aaron was. He wasn’t allowed to fail. Failure was inexcusable. But what if failure meant winning? What if defeat was victory?

Aaron saw his brother block a goal and was indecisive. He had come so far, he couldn’t give up now just because it wasn’t how he had expected it to be.

He wanted the people around him to be happy, to be proud. He wanted Andrew to be pleased. He wanted it to work even if it wasn’t.

-

The semester slowly dragged itself to an end, which meant that Aaron spent more time at the library than at the dorms.

He was on his way back when he stopped by the basketball field near the medical building.
The sun still stood relatively high for a summer afternoon and the boys on the court glistened sweat drenched in the beams.

Among the players Aaron recognized Xavier, who got the ball and jumped and aimed for the basket. The ball fell through it.
Aaron whistled and when Xavier turned to him held up his thumbs.

“Nice shot!” He congratulated him.

Xavier jogged to him, a wide smile on his face.

“Thanks Aaron, do you want to join us?”

He glanced at the other boys who Aaron hadn’t met before.

“I haven’t played in a while.” Aaron declined softly.

“Not to worry. We’re just doing it for fun.” Xavier smiled.

Aaron couldn’t help but think that him and Matt would be excellent friends if they ever met. He stepped closer to the court. He could play a few rounds, there wouldn’t be any harm done with that.

“Do you still have that super precise aim? You should have seen him in his first year.” Xavier turned to his friends, who had stopped their game now too. “He would always duck under my arm and shoot for the basket. He never missed a single one.”

One of the friends whistled appreciatively.

“I told you to hold your arms down more.” The other one said and nodded in Aaron’s direction. “Hey, I’m Malvin and that’s Joey.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Aaron.”

“You play Exy right?”

Aaron nodded.

“No wonder your aim is so precise.” Joey said.

Then Aaron turned to Xavier. “I’d love to join, but I struggle to play with my hearing aid in.”

“Then take it out. You played without it before, haven’t you?” Xavier suggested immediately.

Aaron was caught off guard. Could it be that simple? Had he been worrying about it too much?

He shrugged off his backpack and placed his hearing aids in his jacket pockets on top off it, before he went onto the court.
Xavier was right. He had played without them practically all the time. Why shouldn’t he do it now?

They played a few rounds and it was normal. It was how Aaron was used to it.
He wasn’t perfect at distinguishing where the sounds came from but out of ten guesses he was right nine times. The normality dazed what had become Aaron’s new reality and he was only reminded of it again when he was on his way to the dorm, the hands in his jacket pockets, searching for his keys but all they found were the hearing aids.

The smile on his face froze. The little devices laid im his hands like heavy rocks. He momentarily closed his eyes, he needed the moment to convince himself to put them back in before he went upstairs. He breathed out heavily then he put them back in.
It was uncomfortable, unsettling even, but Aaron endured it. For his family.

“Oh, you’re back early.” An all too familiar voice said behind Aaron, who had just unlocked his dorm room.

It was Kevin, who had just left his own room, closing the door behind him.

“Early?” Aaron asked. “I was out with friends after studying. If anything I’m late.”

“We didn’t expect you back until late in the night.” Kevin came over to him. “I didn’t expect to meet you before I go to night practice.”

“Are you on your way already?”

Kevin shook his head. “No, Matt invited me over.”

The taller caressed the top of Aaron’s head, softly pressing his lips to his scalp until little shivers ran down Aaron’s spine. He all but sank into the older’s chest.

Kevin wanted to push the door open but Aaron held the door knob tight in his hand.
Kevin stilled as Aaron leaned into him further, he placed his head above Kevin’s heart and just listened to the steady beating of it. He breathed out deliberately. It was now or never.

“Are we going to tell our teammates that we are together before the movie night or do we pretend to just be friends?” He muttered.

He needed to know if they would be like this when the door opened or if he had to let go of Kevin again. He needed to know if he had to play the secret or if he was going to be sanctuary.

“We don’t have to tell them outright. But I don’t mind when they see us together.” Kevin answered, his voice as hushed as Aaron’s.

The younger looked up only to kind Kevin already looking at him. His emerald eyes glistened even in the dull hallway light.

“So you won’t shy away when Matt sees us?”
Aaron needed the confirmation and Kevin gave it to him.

“No, never. It’s like I’ve told you: I’m not ashamed or embarrassed. I want us and I want to do this right.“

“Yeah, I know. It’s just Exy that’s standing in our way.”

“Not for long, I promise you.” Kevin’s voice was soft when he said it. Like a blanket thrown over a sleeping child. It was comfort. It was security. It was the promise that everything would work out alright.

“So does that mean I can lay in your lap on movie nights?” Aaron asked.

It was meant to be teasing to lighten up their serious mood.

“If that’s what you want, then yes.”

Aaron had no control over the corners of his mouth, they curled upwards on their own.

“You seem awfully excited for movie nights now. I thought you hated them.” Kevin teased and pushed against the door. Aaron let him open it.

“Isn’t that the whole ordeal? We all pretend to hate it because Allison and Nicky make us watch Mamma Mia for the tenth time in a row, but secretly we all love it.”

“You like Mamma Mia?” Kevin rose his eyebrow.

“That is not what I said!”

Aaron closed the door behind them and strolled after him into the living room.
Kevin had an arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer to his side.

“I’m just kidding.”

Kevin pressed a kiss to his head and then he turned to Matt greeting him with a bright smile.
The latter looked understandably confused.

“Wait, so are you two…?” Matt asked looking from Aaron to Kevin and back.

“If you mean together? Then yeah.” Aaron confirmed.

“Oh my god! Congrats!” Matt got up to clap Aaron on his shoulder, half hugging him in the process so that he was sandwiched between Matt and Kevin.

“How and when did that happen?”

“Uhm, a few weeks ago.” Aaron muttered.

“The actual plan on asking him out had been in the making for longer, though.” Kevin scratched his neck and grinned down at Aaron.

“Apparently everyone knew before me.”

“Well, I certainly didn’t know, so you weren’t the last to find out.” Matt laughed. “No, but this is huge! Damn I should have bet more on you guys.”

“There was a bet?”

“Didn’t Neil tell you about it?”

They sat down on the couch, Kevin pulled Aaron deliberately in his lap. Which Aaron thanked him for with a kiss to the back of his hand.

“He told me a lot. Especially about how he supports us, but he never once mentioned a bet.”

“Well, he practically told me right after he quizzed me about the date.”

“Tactless.” Kevin clacked.

“That’s practically Neil’s second name.”

“You know, prior to today I didn’t know just how well you two work together. But you are like gears turning together.”

Matt watched them with pure awe in his eyes. Subconsciously Aaron shifted in Kevin’s lap and reached for the remote control just to have something he could fiddle with..

“So how much longer do you want to keep this a secret?”

“We are not really keeping it a secret.” Kevin started but got interrupted by Matt.

“Then I can tell Dan, right?”

“Yeah, but we are not making it public as of now.” Aaron damped his enthusiasm.

Matt raised an eyebrow and Kevin and Aaron sighed in union.

“Exy.” Kevin only muttered.

Realization flickered in Matt’s eyes. He nodded his head, pursing his lips.

“Shit, I keep forgetting that we are all public figures. Especially you, Kevin.”

Aaron assumed it was easier to forget your status when the media wasn’t always up in your face, watching every step you take, and discussing your missteps so very publicly. The trail surrounding Drake had been the first time Aaron had experienced it himself.

Prior he had tried to stay under the radar. He wasn’t a good enough Exy player for the media to quiz him about his play, so the usual interviews he had held were kept short and focused on the season and occasionally his medical degree, should they remember his occupation. But since the trail he was at least as interesting as his brother.

However, that was usually it. They were interested in Aaron when they hoped they could get information about the trail or Andrew through him. Which they didn’t.

Aaron was good at dodging questions and if he had to he could be as bratty as Neil. Wymack had released Aaron from press duty at the start of the trail and hadn’t put him back on the list afterwards

But Kevin was a whole different story. The media talked about him even when all he did was breathe air. They examined him under a microscope, tried to get the newest information before anyone else.

It must be exhausting to be Kevin Day, the Exy star.

They decided to play Mario Kart where Matt and Aaron took turns at winning the rounds while Kevin was always in one of the last places.

“You can’t be the queen of everything.” Matt commented without any ill intent.

They had stopped playing because Kevin had to leave for night practice.

“I’ll teach you a few tricks during the summer.” Aaron assured his boyfriend and followed him to the door.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’ll pick you up from your classes.” Kevin muttered and leaned down to press a gentle kiss to Aaron’s lips.

Way too soon he broke it off again and left. Aaron stalled by the door, staring at the space where Kevin had been just seconds before. He would have never thought that someone like him could experience this kind of happiness. People like him just weren’t meant for easy and slow.

But now he had Kevin and it almost felt like life was finally granting him the sweet taste of normality and Aaron devoured it like a starving man.

He trailed back to the living room and played some more rounds of Mario Kart with Matt.

“Damn, Aaron. You really only date the hottest people.” Matt clapped him on the back. “We were betting on what your type is, because we never saw you with anyone and your brother is not a reliable source.”

Aaron blushed.

“It’s not like that.” Aaron assured him.
But Matt only raised his eyebrows.

“I mean, obviously Kevin is nice to look at, but I like him because he likes me the way I am. I don’t have to pretend with him.”

When Matt smiled it reached all the way up to his eyes.

“That’s how it should be. I’m happy for you. For both of you.”

“Thanks Matt.”

-

Movie night was on the following weekend. Andrew and Neil picked Kevin and Aaron up on their way down to the girls’ room. Nicky was already there since he had volunteered to help set up everything.

“Are you ready to let them all know?” Neil asked on the stairwell.

He looked back over his shoulder at Aaron, a grin on his lips. His bright auburn curls bounced with every step he took.

“You just want the money, Neil. You’re not fooling us.” Aaron dismissed him.

“You better split it with us.” Kevin said. He walked behind Aaron, his hands on the younger’s shoulders.

“Nah never. I earned this money with my own hard work.”

“Hard work?” Aaron asked incredulously.
Neil had hardly lifted a finger. All he had done was be a nuisance.

“Yeah, who was the one setting you guys up? Who was the one who had to listen to all your drama? That was all me.”

Aaron gasped.

“Excuse me? You didn’t even help that much.”

“Right, I confessed without any of your help.” Kevin reached over Aaron to ruffle through Neil’s hair, who in return slapped Kevin’s hand away.

“Well, it was still tiring listening to you guys whining about dying alone.”

“Hey, I did not do such thing!”

“Not you, but Kevin did.”

Aaron stopped in the middle of the stairs and turned to face the black haired boy. Due to the stairs, their height difference now twice as big, and Aaron had to crank his head all the way back to look Kevin in the eyes.

“Is that true?”

Kevin’s ears turned scarlet and he scratched the back of his head trying to hide it.

“A little bit.”

“A lot.” Andrew said from the end of the stairs.

“Oh, but you wouldn’t have been alone. I would have always been your friend.” Aaron wrapped his arms around Kevin’s middle.

It was a bit awkward considering that he barely reached Kevin’s chest with his head.
In turn Kevin could only reach his head and patted the crown of his gently.

“Good to know.” Kevin smiled. “But I prefer it like this.”

Behind them Aaron could hear Neil fake gagging and he fondly rolled his eyes.

“They act as if they weren’t absolutely sickening when they got together.” Aaron whispered.

The corners of Kevin’s lip curled up and he gently nudged Aaron to continue walking down the stairs.

“They’d kill you if they heard what you just said.” Kevin replied.

“Nah, more like they would die out of embarrassment when they find out that they were not super cool and mysterious all of the time.”

Neil and Andrew entered the girls’ room first. They were greeted and Allison embraced Neil and immediately engaged him in a conversation.

Aaron followed them hesitantly. He looked up at Kevin, then down his side to his hand. Carefully, Aaron fell into step with him and let his hand grace Kevin’s. Kevin looked down at him, an eyebrow raised in question.
Aaron shrugged his shoulders.

“Only if you want to.” He whispered, but Kevin was already interlacing his fingers with Aaron’s.

He squeezed his hand once and then they stepped into the living room. Half their teammates were already seated around the beanbags and couch while the others were bringing in the last of the snacks and drinks.

For a moment nothing happened. Matt greeted them with a sly grin on his lips, Dan next to him smiled too.

“It was about time.” She told them and patted Kevin’s shoulder.

But then Allison noticed their joined hands. Aaron could count down the seconds until she realized the meaning of it. Her perfect, pink lips first parted into a small o shape then she let out a calculated squeaking sound as she came running towards them. Neil, who she had wrapped her arm around, was dragged along with her.

“Oh, my god!” Allison shouted. “Oh, my god! You two.”

She poked their chests one after the other.

“How long has this been going on?” She demanded to know.

“A few weeks.” Matt said helpfully and then Kevin had to fill in the rest of the foxes.

He let out a few things but he emphasized multiple times that this was not allowed to get out.

“I’ll make a public announcement about it soon, until then it has to stay private.”

Everyone nodded in understanding. They had all moved to the couch, Aaron seated between Kevin’s legs with the older’s arms wrapped around his waist.

“So about the bet.” Neil changed the topic. “I definitely won that.”

“Having intel is cheating.”

“It’s not! You should have seen these guys. One was like ‘no, it’s fine I’ll forget about it again.’ And the other was all like: ‘I’m going to die alone. why would he even love me?’ I had to endure this for months.”

Allison glared at him but Neil only batted his eyes innocently and held out his hand.

“Fine, but only because this is the first bet you’ve ever won.”

Allison handed over a small stack of money and Kevin immediately reminded Neil that he had to share it with them. Neil argued against it again and so a loving teasing started to rise between them.

The volume of the conversation increased, because now Allison demanded a portion of the money as her own too. And what used to be fun soon became torture. The voices mixed to one giant monster that roared into Aaron’s ear. He squeezed his eyes shut, a stupid way to escape the sound because his eyes weren’t registering it.

His hands reached up to cover his ears but when hushed fingers graced the hearing aids he knew it wouldn’t work.

And that was the problem. It wasn’t working.
Something fell to the ground, the clinking of the shards echoed in Aaron’s ear and he couldn’t take it anymore.

Abrupt, Aaron stood up. He felt Kevin’s hands trying to hold him back but when it was clear he wasn’t coming back he let him go. Then Aaron all but fled the room.

He couldn’t let them see his failure, couldn’t let them know how faulty he was. As he sprinted up the stairs he ripped the hearing aids from his ears. Not even the relief of not having them in anymore was enough to soothe his racing heart. It was bad. He was bad. And the worst part was he had lied to everyone. He had made them believe that he could get used to the CROS system, that he would get used to it, when he had known right from the start that it was a mission set up for failure.

He was a failure.

Aaron slammed the little devices on his desk and then he hid under it. He didn't want the world to see him. He didn’t want to be found.
He curled up into himself. His knees high up to his eyes and then he finally let his tears stream down his face.

Aaron didn’t know how long he stayed like that but eventually he heard the door open and he stilled in his hiding place.

He heard footsteps. He recognized them. He would always recognize them. They stopped right in front of the desk.

Andrew crawled under the table, the space was limited but he shifted until he sat next to Aaron. It took him a while to bribe Aaron out of his fetus position and into his arms, but once Aaron felt the safe embrace, the tears broke out of him anew.

Andrew didn’t say anything. He just let him cry into his hoodie until there was nothing left inside of him except the emptiness that seemed to hollow Aaron out completely.

“I can’t do this, Andrew.” Aaron eventually sobbed. He owed his brother some kind of explanation. “I tried. I indulged in it because I knew you wanted me to try. And for a while I even thought it would work out. But the truth is: It doesn’t. It won’t. It is humiliating to wear the hearing aids. But what is even more frustrating is that they don’t even work for me. It’s so disorienting to hear everything with my left ear. I can’t locate the sounds. It’s not better with it. It’s not worse. It’s just embarrassing and confusing. It’s not working and I’m so tired of pretending it ever will.”

“Okay.”

“Wait, you’re not mad at me?” Aaron looked up from the hoodie into Andrew’s hazel eyes.

“No.“ Andrew scrawled. “Why would I? We knew that there was a possibility that it wouldn’t work out for you. It didn’t, so we will find something else that will.”

Aaron’s lips escaped a little sob and he buried his head back into Andrew’s hoodie.
All this time he could have talked to Andrew. He could have told him, but instead Aaron had kept quiet. He had suffered because he still feared wrath. But there wasn’t any spite in Andrew. All the anger had died with his mom but Aaron still expected it to strike him when he wasn’t careful.

However, this was Andrew and he might be cold, calculated and controlled, but he was always kind.

Andrew was a protective force that never faltered and Aaron should have taken comfort in that, instead he had turned it into a disaster.
Andrew wasn’t a monster and it was time that Aaron’s mind internalized that. He couldn’t always run from Andrew when he was his answer.

“We’ll talk to Abby about it. Stop worrying,” Andrew decided.

Aaron hiccuped twice more into Andrew’s hoodie then he slowly rose from his chest.

“Sorry, I ruined-“ Aaron started but Andrew shut him up immediately.

“Stop, you didn’t ruin anything.”

He wiped the tears of his cheekbones and dropped his head on Andrew’s shoulder.
Perhaps he did it because normally Andrew didn’t tolerate someone being in his personal space for too long. But he had let Aaron in and Aaron craved this closeness all the time. Every cell of his body was constantly screaming for Andrew and it took him more than his self control to not just glue himself to Andrew’s hip.

“It’s just… there’s always chaos with me. Don’t you get tired of it?”

“No.”

Andrew reached over with his hand and gently drew a little pattern into Aaron’s thigh.

“You are not more chaos than everyone else. The difference is I don’t mind it when it’s you. I like to share your chaos with you.”

Something in Aaron broke only to be rearranged into something more beautiful. Like a mosaic of all the bad things, put together into the prettiest of pictures.

They quietly sat under the table for a while longer, then they decided to go back to the girls’ room, the hearing aids already forgotten on the table.

-

The following day they sat in Abby’s office again. The hearing aids laid between them on the table.

Aaron fiddled with his shirt sleeve as Andrew explained that they weren’t the right thing for Aaron.

“You don’t have to fit the hearing aid, it should fit you.“ Abby said at last. “If it’s not working then that’s unfortunate but not something we can change. There are other options out there to help you manage the day to day life.”

She pulled the devices closer to her and scribbled something on a piece of paper before stowing both pieces into a little plastic bag along with the paper.

“Do you want to speak with Dr. Ramses again?” She asked. “He has other hearing aids you could try out.”

Aaron shook his head energetically.

“No, I’m done with hearing aids. There has to be something else.”

Abby hummed lightly as she tapped her pencil against her lip.

“Have you tried learning sign language?”

“I’ve tried.” Aaron sighed. “But it’s no use when I’m the only one who knows it.”

“Have you asked others if they are willing to learn it with you?”

Aaron shook his head again.

“I’d learn sign language with you. The others will too.” Andrew assured him.

“Would sign language be an option for you? Do you want to try it out?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Abby smiled at that. She reached under the table and conjured up an information sheet.

“Here is a list of courses that are held on the campus. All of them can be visited freely, so you can choose the one that best fits your course schedule.” Abby handed it over to him. “And ask your friends and family too. I’m sure the others would love to join you.”

“Don’t worry, if he won’t do it, I will.” Andrew proclaimed.

Aaron nudged his brother gently.

“I can do it on my own. I’m not a baby.”

Andrew coughed and Aaron nudged him again.

“Okay, boys. I think you got it from here. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Aaron denied and soon the twins were on their way back to the dorms.

Aaron involuntarily stalled, he made them buy milkshakes and watch ducks in the pond. If Andrew noticed it then he didn’t say anything, instead he just went along with whatever Aaron suggested.

But eventually even Aaron couldn’t drag out the way home and he slowly trailed behind Andrew to the fox tower.

“Come, Aaron.” Andrew said. He already was by the door holding it open for his twin. “It will be okay.”

The others were in the kitchen with their backs turned to the door. Nicky was making pancakes while Neil and Kevin discussed Exy strategies. Once in a while Nicky chimed in with his own kind of commentary.

“You should run to the court line, Nicky, as a distraction.” Neil suggested.

“What? Not happening. Do you know how exhausting that is? I’m a backliner for a reason.” Nicky deflected him and reached for the blueberries to scatter them on the pancakes. “Why don’t you let Aaron or Matt sprint there?”

“Because Aaron is stronger. He protects the goal better than you” Kevin explained.
“And Matt isn’t as fast as you.”

“It’s all the muscles, I’m telling you.”

Neil sighed. “Whatever, but you would make the perfect distraction, Nicky.”

Andrew cleared his throat and the conversation ebbed down and they all turned to face the twins.

“Oh, hey you two.” Nicky greeted them. “Your timing is absolutely perfect. The pancakes are ready in just a minute.”

Kevin smiled at Aaron and he tried to return it but his lips stayed still, pressed together to a small line.

“Aaron wants to tell you something.” Andrew eventually said.

And god, how Aaron despised him in that moment.

“Yeah, what is it?” Nicky put down his utensils and turned fully to the twins.

Neil and Kevin looked at him with equal intensity. On instinct Aaron’s hand reached for the hem of his brother’s shirt. He started to fiddle with it and Andrew turned to him. He nudged his shoulder in an encouraging manner.

“Tell them.”

Aaron inhaled deeply. The nervous pit in his stomach slashed around but never went away. He exhaled.

“I decided to stop using the hearing aid.” He said at last.

“Okay, that’s fine.” Nicky immediately assured him. “You don’t have to wear them, if you don’t like them. That’s your decision alone and I’m supporting it.”

“That’s not all.” Aaron’s eyes wandered around the room.

They went from Andrew’s calm Bernstein ones to Neil’s electric blue ones, then to Nicky’s brown chocolate ones, in which he read nothing but love and finally to Kevin, who looked at him with such care it almost tore Aaron apart.

None of these people had ever betrayed him. Sure, Neil and him had been at odds for the better half since they’ve known each other but even then had Neil never acted against him.
For the longest time Aaron had even thought that Andrew had hated him, but he knew now that all Andrew ever did was protect him. The way Aaron did everything to protect his brother in return.

There wasn’t a person in this room that was against him. The only person to ever fight against him had been himself.
Aaron took a leap of faith and told them.

“I want to start learning sign language.” Aaron started. “It could be helpful for when I’m in a crowded room and don’t understand everything that’s being said. It only works, though, when others know sign language too. That’s why I wanted to ask if you would be willing to learn it with me?”

The room was silent for a beat then Nicky exhaled as if he had worried for the worst.

“Yes, yes, Aaron! I’m learning sign language with you.” His cousin came around the table and stood before him. “Come here, Baby.”

Aaron wasn’t strong enough to deny Nicky the hug so he melted into his cousin’s embrace.

“I’ll learn it too.” Neil said. “It’s pretty badass actually.”
“Obviously I’ll do it too.” Kevin smiled brightly.

Aaron unraveled from Nicky’s arms and turned to his brother, who nodded his head in contentment.

“I told you.” Andrew mouthed and Aaron stuck his tongue out.

“Do you already know where we can take sign language classes?” Kevin asked and Aaron turned back around and came up to the table to sit next to him.

“Abby gave me this sheet. It has all the classes on it that are available on campus.”

Aaron laid it in the middle so that everyone could take a look at it.

“Which classes will you join?”

“Probably the Tuesday evening ones. They don’t collide with my other classes.”

“Then I’ll take those too.” Kevin smiled again, the corners of his lips reached his eyes this time.

Aaron was once again reminded, that this really was his boyfriend. It sometimes still felt unreal. But he was dating the Kevin Day and it was better than anything Aaron could have ever wanted.

“Oh, so we are all going to learn a secret code language!” Nicky clapped his hands. He leaned over the table to get a look at the sheet too.

“Sign language isn’t a secret.”

“How many people do you know who understand it? That’s right: None. So this is a secret language for us.”

Aaron regretted ever telling the others.

“Oh, we can even use it to communicate during games. This is brilliant.” Neil immediately agreed.

“I hope I turn blind.” Aaron muttered and hid his head in his arms.
“Don’t say that. You wouldn’t be able to become an amazing doctor then. Wouldn’t that be sad?” Kevin muttered. He pulled Aaron closer by his waist and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “You’re very grateful that we all want to learn it too, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am.” Aaron mumbled.

Nicky withdrew from the table and got the pancakes and plates for everyone.

They moved to the living room and put on an action movie. They weren’t really paying attention to it, but rather talked about their summer plans and the next Exy games.

The normality was like sweet relief. Aaron knew that his upbringing was the reason he always second guessed people’s intentions but he had hoped that the years without his mother and all the therapy sessions would have had more impact on him. But it really was a constant fight with his mind.

He was glad that his family was so unconditionally accepting of him regardless and despite his tendency to hide when things got difficult, they always reached out for him anyway. He should trust them more often with his heart, they had proven more often than not that they treated it carefully.

The credits to the movie rolled on the screen and they had finished their pancakes when Kevin gently nudged Aaron’s leg with his own.
The younger turned his head to show him that he had his attention.

“I have something to show you.” Kevin whispered and Aaron rose his eyebrows.

“Right now?”

“If you don’t mind.”

Aaron shook his head and untangled from the blankets to follow Kevin to his room.
The door closed behind him with a quiet click and Kevin immediately walked over to his desk where he opened his laptop.

“Here, you have to read it.” He pulled back the chair and waited for Aaron to sit down.

Opened on the laptop was a word document. The title read “my bisexual journey of becoming an Exy star”.

Aaron’s skin tingled all over as he read the file where Kevin talked about his mother, how supportive of the LGBT+ community she was. How she had founded the sport because she wanted equality for everyone.

For everyone no matter their race, sexuality, gender or religion.

Kevin talked about his own journey and his realization that he was bisexual. He talked about the amazing relationship he was in and praised his boyfriend for being the kindest and smartest person he knew.

Aaron’s cheeks blushed crimson red. Millions of people would read how smitten Kevin was with him and he wasn’t mad. Quite the opposite actually, Aaron felt proud and a little bit more in love with Kevin.

The text ended with:

“I don’t need the support of a thousand people because I already have the support of the ones that mean the most to me. My friends and chosen family. My boyfriend. But most importantly, my mom and my dad.”

Aaron exhaled deeply and turned his head. He was immediately met with Kevin’s face, eyebrows raised in question.

“What do you think?”

“It’s good.” Aaron scratched his neck. “I mean this is amazing. I don’t really have words to describe it. You did well, Kevin. I’m sure people will appreciate hearing these words from you. I mean also all that stuff about Kayleigh. I think it will encourage even more people to come out publicly. I’m proud of you.”

Aaron smiled and this time the corners of his lips lifted with ease.

“I didn’t want to mention you with your name since it’s not my place to out you.” Kevin leaned down and wrapped his arms around him.

“Yeah, I get that. They will find out anyway. Probably as soon as I kiss you on court after you scored one of your stupid goals.” Aaron mused and leaned his head against Kevin’s shoulder.

“Is that a threat?”

“No.” Aaron mumbled and kissed Kevin’s neck. “That’s a promise.”

And Aaron was prone to keep this one. He wouldn’t hide anymore. Secrets had not gotten him very far. But honesty had and Aaron was keen to find out where else it could take him.
Kevin reached over him and closed the document before he hit send on the e-mail that addressed to the ERC. In the CC Aaron also saw the email addresses of Wymack, Mrs. Blackwood, the foxes’ public manager and a few of Kevin’s personal sponsors.

“I’m so proud of you.” Aaron muttered and put his fingers under Kevin’s chin to turn him back towards him.

“And I’m so incredibly proud of you.” Kevin hushed back.

When their lips met, a firework exploded in Aaron’s chest. It was pure delight, an adrenaline rush so full of life and Aaron decided he never wanted it to stop.

EXY STAR KEVIN DAY CAUGHT WITH BOYFRIEND?!

who is this mysterious blonde man?

Kevin Day was caught with one of his teammates in a heated make out session at a bar. But who of the Minyard twins is the Exy Hottie dating? [more on page 13]