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Radka stood at a crossroads that had very definitely not been there when she had taken this road last year. It was a truly obnoxious road which wound around in an incredibly circuitous manner, in some places taking you straight west before looping around north again. It was also the only reliable road through the forest.
Radka would now put a very great emphasis on was.
Something had taken a perfect rectangular bite out of the landscape, leaving behind halves of trees and bisected rocks and a nice, flat road that pointed due north. She had figured that the Heterodyne’s raiding forces would be easy to track. Surely one just had to follow the trail of destruction—razed villages, salted fields, the charcoal husks of farmhouses, etc.
She had not expected it to be this easy.
They had been this way recently. The forest was silent, the animals that had fled the sudden devastation not yet having the courage to return. The strange, glassy material that the melted earth had turned into was slightly warm to the touch. Her footsteps made a quiet ringing sound when she walked on it, and in the silence the sound was almost deafening. Traumatized animals aside, though, she couldn't help but approve - she hated that road.
Based on the number of ruined villages and towns she had passed, the Heterodyne and his men were doing quite well in terms of pillage and spoil, which was good. A successful raid meant happy men with plenty of money to toss her way.
This was a stupid thing to do. She knew it was stupid.
But the stories they had...the Jägermonsters could live for hundreds of years. A single conversation with Goomblast and he’d told her first hand accounts of things she’d heard about in history lessons.
And Ognian might be there.
Radka did not like to lie to herself; she was adult enough to admit that ugly in a cute way had been…flattering. And she’d enjoyed that kiss.
Gradually, Radka began to realize that the whistling she was hearing was not birdsong—Radka recognized the tune, a soldier’s song about two men who beat each other to death over a woman. It was coming from deeper in the woods, away from both roads. Deciding it sounded close enough that she wouldn’t become the idiot traveller who was lured off the road by the fairies and never seen again, she followed it.
Minding her step, avoiding dry twigs and crunchy piles of leaves, she moved deeper through the forest. Ahead was a large tree, an ancient hardwood through whose branches she could see a small pond. The water was rippling, and now she could hear splashing under the whistling.
Radka edged around the tree, and spotted the axe. It was big, black-handled, and very sharp. Someone had hit it hard against the ground, burying the blade just far enough in that it would stay upright, but not so far that it would be difficult to dislodge should the owner need to retrieve it very quickly. Next to it was a small pile of clothes, a travel pack, a bed roll.
She had seen that axe before.
Very carefully, Radka leaned around the tree.
Her eyes went very wide.
Ognian was bathing in the pond.
It was not a very deep pond.
It was very rude to spy on people when they were bathing. Radka knew this. Rude and quite improper to hide behind a tree and oggle a man who had no idea he was being watched, and who would probably not be happy about it if he did know.
Or maybe he wouldn’t mind very much. He had thought she was cute.
The dappled sunlight glinted off of the droplets of water that ran down his body, quite a lot of which was visible because, again, it was a very shallow pond.
The face isn’t much, but you use it well. It was the first time in her life she’d believed a compliment about her looks.
She should make some noise. Cough to get his attention, perhaps.
Ognian bent over to rinse off his arms, and Radka wondered if there had perhaps been a drought in the area, for the water level to be so low.
With monumental effort, she managed to look away, and her eyes fell again on his things, left so carelessly unattended. Well, Radka knew how that story went. She’d take his clothes, there would be some flirtation and light sexual harassment, she’d heard that story a hundred times. It was the done thing.
But…the done thing was so rarely the funniest thing.
Ognian got down on his knees, took a deep breath, and stuck his head under the water. As fast as he could, he scrubbed his hands through his hair to shake the last of the soap out, then jerked his head out of the water with a gasp.
With one hand he pushed his hair back out of his face; getting to his feet, he let out a contented sigh. Nothing made you appreciate being clean quite like being very unclean.
“But little did our hero know the danger lurking just out of sight!”
Ognian whirled around. Radka was leaning against the tree, her body language excessively casual, which was in great contrast to the large axe in her hands. She'd claimed that stabbing him last time had been an accident, but now she was threatening him? Although, despite her confident grip, that axe was clearly too heavy for her. She hadn't struck him as an axe kind of woman. It was a good axe, though, well taken care of, with a black handle—hold on.
He looked to his things. His clothes and pack were untouched, but his axe was very much no longer where he'd left it.
Radka tested the blade carefully on her thumb, then glanced at him sideways.
“Tut tut. The big bad raider all alone and unarmed, letting his guard down—way, way down.”
There was a small tuft of pond grass that just barely managed to provide Ognian with the slightest shade of dignity. He tried to pretend he wasn’t bothered by it.
“Vot are hyu doing?” he demanded.
“Just a little light menacing,” Radka said. She lifted the axe up as if to swing it. Without changing her expression, she said “Grr, raa, etcet’ra.”
Ognian drew himself up. He rode with the Jӓgers. He was a powerful warrior to be feared by all. He was not going to stand here and be embarrassed just because a pretty girl—a sort of pretty girl—had caught him off-guard.
Very off-guard.
About as off-guard as it was possible to be.
He hardened his jaw and made his way out of the pond with as much dignity as possible, which was not helped by the difficulty in wading through the water or the fact that Radka did not bother to avert her eyes.
Ognian stood before her, dripping wet and entirely naked, and tried to keep his voice firm and authoritative.
“Give dot back.”
Radka raised an eyebrow at him.
“Or what?”
“Or Hy vill make hyu.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to put some pants on first?”
Ognian grabbed the handle of the axe. He wrenched it easily from her grasp—and froze as the sharp tip of a dagger pressed against the underside of his chin.
“Oops,” Radka said. “Now what?”
Her eyes were dancing, but not mocking. In fact, Ognian realized there was an invitation there. He mentally reviewed the previous conversation in this new light, and realized she was playing a game.
He liked games, especially with girls, especially sort-of-pretty girls with very nice hair and teasing voices.
Ognian lowered the axe until it hung loosely in one hand.
“Hy guess Hy’s at hyu mercy now.”
Ognian’s guess had been right—her eyes brightened, although she kept her expression thoughtful.
“Now here’s a plot twist,” Radka mused. “The cut-throat barbarian at the mercy of our heroine, the innocent traveler.”
As she spoke, she very very gently traced the tip of the dagger along the underside of his jaw and down his neck, resting briefly the hollow of his throat. It sent a strange tingling all over, and Ognian wished he had taken the opportunity to put on pants first.
“I’ll admit,” Radka said, “I’m at a bit of a loss. Usually this is the part of the story where I attempt to ravish you, only for the hero to swoop in at the last minute and save you.”
Ognian felt his spine go rigid, and hoped it was the only part of him that did, at least right now. Really, in some ways Radka was a very attractive woman, especially when she looked at him like that.
He should have put pants on.
“Hyu could alvays let me go,” Ognian suggested. “Dot vould be a plot tvist, too.”
“Not a very interesting one, though.”
The knife resumed its movement, the barest touch of steel on flesh as it ran down his chest—and then paused, right over the still-pink scar.
“Hyu izn’t goink to stab me again, iz hyu?” Ognian asked, warily. Radka narrowed her eyes at him.
“That was an accident, and it was entirely your fault.”
“Dot doesn’t answer my qvestion,” Ognian pointed out.
Radka smiled wryly and let her grip on the dagger relax, twitching it away from Ognian’s chest.
“Go put your pants on,” she told him, with great amusement.
Ognian shoved her hard, her back banging against the tree, and set the edge of the axe against the join of her neck and shoulder. Not pressing it down, but letting the weight rest there, ominously.
“Oh ho,” he said, grinning broadly. “De tables is turned. Now who’s got who at deir mercy?”
Radka gave him a sweet smile...and Ognian suddenly became aware of something cold pressed quite, quite high against his inner thigh. As his grin faltered, hers grew wider, her eyes shining with a light that almost distracted him from the situation at hand. Almost. Ognian did not dare look down. Indeed, he did not want to make any very fast movements at all.
“I find it best to carry multiple backup daggers,” she said.
“Mm,” Ognian said.
“I’m a woman who travels alone on the road for a living,” Radka pointed out. “Being quicker than a larger, stronger opponent is rather a necessity. Don’t you think?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“Being smarter helps too, but with you that’s not difficult.”
Ognian was relatively sure this was still part of the game, but that didn’t change the fact that all she’d have to do was pull her hand back quickly enough, and Ognian’s life would abruptly become devoid of any games with any girls, pretty or otherwise.
Very, very slowly, Ognian lifted the axe away from her neck and let it tumble to the ground.
“Boy,” he said, his voice faltering slightly. “Hyu is real qvick vit dose tings.”
Radka chuckled, and the dagger disappeared. Ognian couldn’t stop the noise of relief, which only amused her further.
“Relax,” she said, dryly. “Your manhood is under no threat from me. Go put your pants on.”
Ognian did so. He made no great show out of it, but he did move a little slower than normal, just in case Radka was still looking. At the very least, she was watching him when he finished buckling his belt and swung his pack onto his shoulders.
Radka politely handed him his axe. Ognian rather pointedly did not wave it at her, but slid it into the strap on his pack.
They made their way back to the road; Ognian turned north, to catch up with the pack. He was glad Radka did the same – it’d be nice to get a chance to talk to her without anyone holding sharp objects at anyone else.
“Vut iz hyu doink out here? De last time Hy saw hyu, ve vuz on de odder side of de mountains.”
“I told you: I’m a wanderer. I travel all over.” In a slightly melodramatic voice, she went on. “There are many stories out there in world, and I cannot hear them standing still.” In a normal voice, she added “I stop at a town or an inn, sing a few songs, tell a few tales, pick up some new ones, get paid, and move on to the next one.”
“All by hyuself?”
She raised an eyebrow.
“Are you going to say ‘isn’t that dangerous for a woman on her own’?”
Ognian snorted.
“Not as long as Hy got de scar hyu gave me,” he said, and was pleased at how pleased she looked at that. “Hy vuz going to ask if hyu dun get lonely by hyuself all de time.”
Radka seemed surprised by the question.
“No, not really. I have a few regular spots I stop at, so I see friends, and I meet new and interesting people all the time.”
“Vut about hyu family?”
“The less said, the better,” she said, firmly. Ognian obligingly did not push.
“Hy don’t know if Hy could do dot, go all over by myself. Hy neffer even left de valley before Hy started riding vit de Jӓgers,” he admitted.
“How do you like what you’ve seen of the world? Before you set it on fire.”
Oggie grinned.
“De fire is de best part!”
“Yes, I suspected as much,” she said, dryly. “Speaking of fire, can I ask what all this is about?” She gestured to the shiny new road.
“De Heterodyne dun got a lot of patience,” Ognian said. “Ven de generals showed him de map of de road, he got pretty mad und said he vould make a short-cut.”
“I’m rather grateful for it, myself,” Radka said, mildly, trying not to look at the remains of animals who had been only partially caught in the Heterodyne’s new short-cut. “This road has always been such a pain. I was worried I might lose you lot if I didn’t catch up before you reached it.”
Ognian nearly tripped over his own feet in surprise.
“Hyu vuz lookink for uz?”
“I told you I’d wander back your way again,” she said. Then she gave him an incredulous grin. “Ognian, I have been walking next to you for nearly ten minutes! Why did you think I was following you?”
“Hy thought ve vuz just going de same vay!” Ognian exclaimed, defensively. Radka patted him kindly on the shoulder.
“I’ve been following the trail of destruction for a day or so. I was planning on asking the Heterodyne to allow me to perform.”
“For uz?”
Radka raised an eyebrow.
“No, for the birds in the trees,” she said, sarcastically. “Yes, for you.”
“Hyu iz not afraid of us?”
“I have a...healthy sense of caution,” Radka said.
“But ve iz Jägers.”
“Anything worth doing is worth the risk,” Radka said. “You make for such marvelous stories. For example, why were you bathing in the pond all alone? If it was meant to be a trap to lure unsuspecting women, you did a good job of being bait, but your trapping needs work. Or were you lying in wait for another pretty girl to rescue?”
“Hy needed a bath,” Ognian told her. “Hy got eaten by a frog.”
Instantly, she turned and began walking backwards so she could see his face as he talked. Her eyes were alight with a fire that made him forget that she wasn’t pretty.
“See!” she exclaimed. “Excellent stories. Tell me everything. Was it a giant frog, or were you shrunk down small?”
“Ve vent out fightink Count Bufo, und he had dis giant armored frog. Ve couldn’t get past de armor, so Hy let it eat me, und den Hy killed it from de inside und climbed back out.”
Technically, it had caught him off guard and snagged him with its tongue, but since he’d been considering the plan of letting it eat him, he felt it counted.
“What was it like?” she demanded. Ognian considered.
“Gooey. Und it burned a leedle. Hy couldn’t breathe, eidder.”
“Sounds horrible.”
He shrugged, nonchalantly.
“It vuz only a few seconds,” he demurred.
“I hope the Heterodyne appreciated your near-sacrifice.”
“Hy dun know if he noticed,” Ognian admitted. “But General Zog said dot he thought it vuz real good vork!”
“He’s the green one without the tusks, right?”
“Ya, dot’s him.”
“I think I met him, last time. He did not seem the type to impress easily.”
“Hyu talked to him?”
“Mm...I’d say was lightly interrogated by is more accurate. He didn’t quite believe my story about what happened, but I managed to convince him.”
“Und hyu is coming back? Hyu talked to Zog ven he vuz in a bad mood und hyu vants to see us again?”
“Ognian, if I was easily frightened, I would have stayed home and married my father’s apprentice like I was supposed to.” Abruptly, Radka made a face, realizing she’d touched the subject she’d been avoiding. “You’re far too easy to talk to.”
“Hyu didn’t like him?”
Radka let out a heavy sigh.
“He was dull. The town was dull, the work was dull, the life he could give me was—”
“Dull?”
“Predictable! Get married, work in the shop every day, except when I’m popping out children; repeat ad infinitum until I die of childbirth, old age, or boredom. Every day exactly the same. Nothing new, nothing interesting.”
“So vy not marry somevun else?”
Radka laughed.
“With a face like this? Please. Alrik was only going to marry me out of obligation—he was probably as relieved as I was when I left.”
“Hyu’z not dot—”
“Don’t.”
She stopped walking, and so did he. The look she leveled at him was surprisingly solemn.
“I am not looking for a compliment. I’m not upset about it. I’m stating a fact—I am ugly. The only reason for you to tell me that I’m not, is because you feel sorry for me. I don’t need pity, Ognian.”
Ognian digested this, and found it made sense. He wouldn’t like people telling him he was unconventionally intelligent, after all.
“Actually, Hy vuz goink to say hyu iz not ugly all over. All dey gotta do is keep dey eyes on hyu from de neck dow—”
He dodged as she swiped at him.
“You wretch!” she cried, not even bothering to try and sound offended. “I should have finished you off when I had the chance!”
He let her chase him up the road, laughing the whole way.