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I can still feel her…
-
The Church looks the exact same, like she had never left. Her essence still practically flows through the place, and it gives Cloud both chills, as well as a warmth he’s never felt before.
Careful not to step on the flowers, as always, he makes his way to the center of the Sector five Church. The sun gleams in through the windows the same as it did when he had first met her. Or rather… When they had first introduced themselves to each other.
Cloud can still remember her smile from all that time ago, and falling into these same flowers. His eyes begin to burn with tears, as they threaten to fall down his cheeks at any moment. He absentmindedly tightens his fists.
And then he can’t look. But he can’t look away. He knows she wouldn’t want him there, missing her like this, but it’s so hard…
Cloud can’t help it. He slowly sits down at the edge of the flowerbed, letting himself drown in the memory of her.
“Aerith.”
He finds himself whispering her name, it’s still so sweet on his lips, even though she’s gone. ‘Not gone forever!’ is what she would probably say. She’d say that she just joined the lifestream, that she’s still with everyone, and everything… But in the end, she’s not here, with him. That’s just how things are now, and it’s hard to get used to. He sometimes catches himself wondering ‘What if things were different?’
Cloud knows that’s impossible. He know it isn’t even worth the time to think about, but… It would be fair to dream a little. Just for once, right? He’s deserved it, after all.
Closing his eyes, the tears fall silently. He brings a flower to his lips and mourns.
He’s all alone, it feels like.
Without her, the point is…
…
…Cloud knows exactly what the point is. To save everyone. To save the world, as Aerith had said herself. But is a world without her worth saving? A low sigh escapes his mouth, and he brings his gaze back to the high ceilings of the Church. He notices now that things have changed. It’s not the same after all.
It’s not as vibrant as he remembers. It’s empty, vacant, lonely. Without Aerith’s care, the place is uncomfortable. Liminal. No one even comes here but him anymore.
Cloud stares up towards the large, broken, but delicate windows. The light from the steel sky shines down like angels. It’s beautiful. Her presence is still here, all over. Vines with various budding flowers case the walls and pillars. Saplings pepper the broken flooring, peeking out every few feet. Like a hello and goodbye from a still-so-fresh memory. He just wishes she could see it too. He hopes she can.
The flower girl…
That’s what Cloud had called her when they first met. Since then, she’s become so much more than ‘the flower girl’. She was Aerith. She was everything to him, for the brief time they had spent together. And to lose all of that…
He wondered how he would go on at first, without her by his side. Without her cheerful smile, those glowing eyes…
It never gets easier as time goes on, either. After all, he’s come all this way back to her Church to simply mourn the memory of her. And he will continue to do it until he physically can’t anymore.
Sitting there, in the flowers and the light of Aerith’s Church, Cloud finds himself feeling more at peace than upset. He was confused and heartbroken when he lost her. Then, he just wished she was here. Now, he can finally remember her and smile to himself. He can let himself cry.
Even if she’s gone, at least he still has their shared memories. That’s what he tells himself. He couldn’t deal with losing that, too. At least he can still smell her flowers, and speak her name.
…In the end, not all of her is lost forever. As Cloud stands, saying his until-next-time to the Church, he swears he can feel her familiar, delicate hands pushing him out the door. “*Go on, already…*” She whispers, and he does. For her, he’ll do anything. He’ll go on for her. For the world.