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"knock knock"
*who's there* he said in his head.
"wendys"
*wendys who*
"wendys joke is finished, you'd better laugh!"
...
...
"tough crowd" he said to no-one in particular.
* * * *
"knock knock"
*who's there*
"cows go"
*cows go who*
"no they don't, cows go moo"
...
...
maybe this was a little pathetic.
* * * *
Another day. Another long, lonely walk.
He was so...
tired.
At least he had Papyrus.
He slumped down by the door. He was grateful for the snow; he couldn't feel the cold too much, having no skin and all...and it made a pretty comfortable seat.
He sighed sadly.
"knock knock."
"Who is there?" replied a woman's voice. Sans blinked. And then he blinked again.
...
Had he finally gone insane?
"dishes..." he said cautiously. Maybe his mind was playing tricks on him. Maybe she wouldn't reply this time.
"Dishes who?" He could hear her shuffling closer. He could hear the anticipation in her voice.
His imagination wasn't that great.
She was real.
"dishes a very bad joke."
There was a pause. And then, to his delight, she started howling with laughter.
Nobody had ever laughed at any of his jokes so sincerely. So enthusiastically.
"you like that?" he grinned. "cos i have a whole lot more where that came from."
The woman excitedly replied "Oh, yes, that would be wonderful!"
"okay. knock knock" he said to the person at the other side of the door. He couldn't quite wrap his head around it.
"Who is there?"
"adore"
"Adore who?"
"adore's in between us."
And there was that laugh again. It was a genuine laugh, right from the stomach. The kind of laugh that happened when someone didn't care how undignified they sounded. And this woman sure wasn't holding back.
He told another one.
And another.
And every time, his terrible jokes were met with the same noise; a noise that was music to his ears.
"Oh!" she said, snorting and trying to hold back her laughter. "I have a joke for you now!"
"oh yeah? lay it on me" he replied with a smile.
"Alright!" She cleared her throat, as if she was about to deliver a speech. "Knock knock."
"who's there?"
"Old lady."
"old lady who?"
"Oh! I did not know you could yodel!"
Now it was his turn to not hold back.
"wow, lady. haven't heard a joke that punny in ages. you're pretty good."
"Oh, well thank you!"
There was a pause; but it wasn't awkward. They were both just trying to regain their composure.
"so, uh, listen, i'd love to stay a little longer, but i kinda have to bounce."
"Oh. That is alright" she responded after a moment, with a hint of disappointment in her voice.
"but i mean-"
"Would it be-"
They both spoke at the same time. The woman giggled shyly. "Um. I was just going to ask, would you like to come back again tomorrow? It has been rather nice, sharing jokes with you."
Sans's grin widened. "course. yeah, i always have time for a fellow lover of bad jokes."
"Splendid!"
"well. hear ya tomorrow"
And so he did. He did the next day, too. And the next.
Before he knew it, he had found that he'd laughed more in a week than he had in almost a year.
"so did i mention my brother?" Sans asked, sitting in the same spot he had sat in just over a week ago. Then he had been on the verge of tears, but now...
"I do recall you mentioning a brother, but you did not tell me much about him! What is he like?" she asked eagerly.
...now...
"his name's papyrus. wants to join the royal guard."
...he could make someone smile when his bro was busy.
"Oh. The royal guard?" he could hear the frown in her voice. "Why does he want to join the royal guard?"
"uh." He had the feeling that he had put his foot in his mouth. "well, i dunno really. he'd never wanna hurt a soul."
"Oh!" she said, seemingly perking up.
"but his best friend is the head of the royal guard. think he wants to be like her, ya know?" Sans shook his head. "sometimes i don't think he really...gets what it's all about though. he's all bark and no bite. i don't think he could ever hurt anyone, really. well. i don't think he'd ever want to."
They were silent for a moment. "Papyrus sounds like he has a good soul. You must protect his innocence, my friend."
He chuckled. "yeah. i think his friend has that covered, though. she's been giving him cooking lessons. that's been distracting him from fighting and stuff."
"Oh! I...I wish that I could meet him. I...enjoy cooking, as well."
"oh yeah?" he grinned. This was the first piece of personal information she had shared with him. "what kinda stuff do you cook?"
"Oh, well, mainly baked goods. I do not mean to brag, but I make a rather wonderful butterscotch-cinnamon pie."
"sounds good. you'll have to give me the recipe sometime."
"Oh! Do you bake as well?" she asked excitedly.
"nah. but i could start."
* * * *
"My friend, I have been wondering something" she said one evening. It had been a few weeks now, and Sans had to admit, meeting up with this mysterious door lady was becoming one of the highlights of his day.
"yeah? lay it on me."
"Well, we have never seen each other in person."
"i know. it's a door-saster."
She giggled. "Indeed! Well, I was wondering...what do you look like? If I cannot see the face of the person who brings so much joy into my day, then I would like to at least imagine what you look like."
Sans was gonna use this as an attempt to coax his friend out of the ruins, but decided against it. It wasn't like he hadn't already tried.
"well, uh. i'm kinda short. kinda big. i like to wear big coats. oh, and i'm a skeleton."
"Oh! Wait one moment..." she paused. "Yes! I have an image of you in my head now!"
"do you think i'm hot?"
"No, but I think you look cool! It is snowy where you live, is it not?"
He chuckled. "yeah. nice one." He tugged on the sleeves of his jacket. "hey. your turn. what do you look like?"
"Oh! Well, I am rather tall, I suppose. And covered in white fur. I suppose I am fairly goat-like? I have horns on the top of my head."
"hmm. you sound pretty."
"Heh! Ehehe! Well, I-"
Sans smirked. He wasn't trying to flirt. Honestly.
But it was funny that she was so flustered. He interrupted her to save her some embarrassment.
"well, as fun as this has been, i've goat to go now. thanks fur the talk."
She chuckled. "Oh! I will have to think of a skeleton related joke for tomorrow!"
(The next day, when he knocked, instead of the usual 'hello', she greeted him with said joke. "Why did the skeleton need a friend? Because she was feeling BONEly!" She was in stitches. He was in stitches. He made a mental note to start telling more skeleton jokes. Maybe his brother would appreciate them.)
* * * *
"knock knock."
"Who is there?" said the quiet voice.
"snow."
"...Snow who?" She sounded a lot less enthusiastic tonight. Sans was feeling a little worried.
"snow way i'm gonna get a cold. i'm a skeleton."
She chuckled half-heartedly. Yep. Definitely something wrong.
"hey, what's up?"
"What do you mean?"
"...i dunno, you just sound kinda down. which is ironic, considering something's obviously up" he probed.
"Oh, it...it is nothing that I should bother you with."
He frowned. "hey, that's not true. c'mon, talk to me."
And so she did. And that night, the mysterious woman behind the door became the first person that Sans had ever made a promise to, other than his brother.
* * * *
"That voice...!"
If Sans had a heart, it would have stopped.
"Hello, I think we may...know each other?"
He feared that the magic might actually stop running through his bones.
"oh, hey, i recognise your voice, too."
"I am Toriel. So nice to meet you!" (he found, in the future, that her name would roll off his tongue like a song or a whispered secret. toriel. it suited her.)
"the name's sans" he said with a wink. "and, uh, same."
She told his brother a joke about skeletons and he just...
Seeing her in person was...
Wow.
He was royally screwed.
(He laughed in his head at that thought. It was funny cos, y'know, she used to be the Queen...)
...He'd been making terrible jokes with the Queen for months.
Shit.
* * * *
They were standing in front of the sunset, figuring out what to do next. Since it was late, the monsters had decided to set up camp atop Mt. Ebott, and deal with the humans in the morning. Everyone was rushing around excitedly, smelling the grass and relishing in the fresh air. Toriel was gazing at the sky. Sans approached her carefully and gave her a nudge.
"hey" he said with a grin.
She looked down, her eyes blinking rapidly. "Oh, hello Sans!" Her voice was higher than normal.
"...are you crying?"
"Oh, no! I mean..." she wiped away a tear. "Yes, I am. But these are good tears! I just..." she sniffed, "After all of these years. We can finally see the sun. And I am...no longer alone." She looked down at him. "You know, Sans, I do not think that I ever told you how much I appreciated our talks back in the underground. For the first time in years...I had a friend. So...thank you. I am..." she reached to grasp his hand, "I am very glad that we have met in person."
Sans looked up at the sky. "heh. you don't need to thank me, tori. it wasn't just a one-way street, ya know. i...well, i mean..." he sighed, unable to find the right words. "...talking to you was always one of the best parts of my day" he settled on, squeezing her hand.
Her smile grew even wider, and she pulled him into a warm hug. She smelt like cinnamon and butterscotch, and hugging her was like lying in a hot bath; it was more comforting than anything he had ever experienced.
He sighed. Yep. He was definitely screwed.