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Chapter Text

"Do you... like me?" 

It was a simple question. He could've just said no. He should've said no. It would've been so easy for him to lie but when she looked at him like that how could he dare to think of such a thing? How could he dare to deny his feelings which were so tumultuous and profuse? His tears dripped slowly, cool against his red face. Why did you have to ask me that, Su-ae? Ask me when you know I can't lie? He resented her so much, hated her so much for not picking him, but... 

"You're just realizing now?" 

...he loved her. He loved her so much and he knew she'd never love him back because he was just a friend and once he was alright with that. He was fine with just her around because she smiled at him. She smiled at him even as she wiped his tears but there was something a little broken about her smile now. Something that made his heart clench. 

I'm sorry, Su-ae. 

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He reeked of alcohol. Drinking away his pains had become a habit of Dohwa, a particularly terrible one that he just couldn't seem to shake. He had a bar that he particularly liked drinking at, a private place so he wouldn't get scolded when he was drunk out of his mind. He never expected to be approached at a place like this. She looks like Su-ae. He wasn't sure why that thought struck him, why he was reminded of her when she looked at this woman, but he did see it to some extent. Her eyes were the same, considerably duller than he remembered, and her awkward smile which he had liked so much. Would Su-ae look like this if she was older, he wondered.

"Do you remember me?" Had she been talking? He looked at her, forcing his eyes to focus, his voice to not slur as it usually would when he was drunk. 

"No," he said. He couldn't even remember what she had asked. "I don't think so..." 

He didn't really know what she said after that, nor how he responded, but she was eventually shooed away by one of the bartenders. He was kind of disappointed honestly. He didn't know why, nor did he like the fact he was, but she felt... familiar. Like Su-ae, he thought to himself, she was like Su-ae. He looked at her again, chugging down glasses of wine like it was water. He chuckled under his breath and looked away. It was better if he didn't remember Su-ae. His memories had been precious then, the best moments of his life, but they were painful now, reminded him of a past he desperately longed for. 

But she isn't, he reminded himself, Su-ae isn't with me anymore. Tears welled in his eyes but he blinked them away. Ever since that day, since he confessed to Su-ae, he hadn't cried genuine tears again. It was both a pain and a relief. "I should probably call Hyung," he murmured, clumsily taking out his phone. He frowned when he saw the familiar glow of his lock screen and his frown deepened when he couldn't get his password right. "I'm not that drunk," he mumbled, "something must be wrong with the phone." 

Nothing was wrong with the phone - he was just that drunk. Completely wasted despite only drinking a few glasses of beer that he had been assured by the bartender wasn't even that strong. "Ugh," he groaned, forcing himself upright, "I should go outside." It was the only logical conclusion that came into his head though he couldn't figure out why it seemed so logical. He grabbed himself a bottle of soju - where did that come from? - and walked or rather stumbled his way outside. 

It was really nice outside. The night air was cool and the stars were sparkly. It reminded him of something but he couldn't remember what. He couldn't remember much at all. Maybe I shouldn't have drunk so much, he thought and then he took a swig from the bottle of soju he had stolen - no, borrowed from the bar. 

Dohwa was a lightweight - he collapsed immediately after swallowing. 

He really didn't know what happened next. He'd gotten way too drunk but he remembered a situation, one that reminded him strongly of when she had carried him along on the field on her back with her weak little body, a weak little body that persisted because her spirit was so strong. His feet had dragged along on the floor like this then too. It was a joke he had played on her, so long ago that the memory should've faded into the depths of his mind, but he couldn't forget. How could he? After all, that was the night that he first fell in love. 

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When Dohwa woke up, his head hurt. It was a familiar sort of pain that he had become accustomed to after many nights of drinking out but it was somehow worse than usual. "I should never drink again," he mumbled under his breath but then he knew he would do it again. Alcohol was his only escape, only freedom he had from his life which suffocated him so. A life which he, rather unfortunately, chose all by himself. I wouldn't have, he thought to himself, not if I knew I was selling my soul to the devil. But he already had and now he belonged to that devil, was their puppet. 

He didn't even know why he did it. He had never wanted to become an idol so why did he chose this job? Why did he chose to become a celebrity when he hated being stared at? A suddenly painful ache distracted Dohwa from his thoughts, had him fumbling for a bottle of water that could ease his terrible hangover. He found one on his bedside table and then also something else, someone's business card. Dohwa took a large sip from the water first, chugged down half of the contents, and then reached for the card. 

He was still drinking the water as he started to read. KDD, he read and then lowered his eyes to the name that was written in a smaller print below, Su-ae Shim. He spat out the water, spluttered and choked in an undignified way that was not at all befitting an idol. "Su-ae Shim," Dohwa choked out, coughing slightly. He tried to think of last night and a blurry image of that pretty girl appeared. She had reminded him a little of Su-ae but... "That was Su-ae?" 

He looked at the card again, looked at the messy scrawl which was clearly her writing, and then flipped it to the other side. There was a number. "Should I call?" murmured Dohwa. He felt like he shouldn't, like this was the sort of pathetic thing a guy did when he still couldn't get over his ex, but Dohwa had really liked Su-ae. He still liked Su-ae even if he hated himself for it. She was his first and only love and now they had met again, they had been reunited by some sort of weird coincidence. "Isn't that fate?" Dohwa asked himself. "Doesn't that mean we're meant to be?" 

He shook his head. So what if he still liked her? What if this was the second chance he always secretly hoped for? He was an idol and he had a career even if it was one he had never wanted. He couldn't just drop it all to chase after a girl who had rejected him ten years ago, some girl who probably wouldn't have remembered him if he wasn't famous. He had to forget her, he had to pretend as if this night never happened at all, like his heart didn't flutter at the thought of seeing her again. 

Dohwa Baek was an adult now and he knew the truth. That in this romance - he was not the love interest. He was the second male lead and it was better for him to move on because otherwise he'd have his heart painfully broken. Because I will never win. 

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Dohwa glanced at his phone for what may be the fifth time that day. He still hadn't texted Su-ae, hadn't called nor attempted to communicate with her in any other way. It wasn't because he didn't want to but just because he felt nervous. It had been ten years since he had talked to Su-ae, sober at least which terrified him because he was horribly mouthy when he was drunk and couldn't remember anything of their conversation from last night. 

Thanks for yesterday. It's been so long. Where can I send you the hotel fee? 

Dohwa hesitated - he didn't sound rude, right? - and then sent the message. I should pay her back for the hotel at least, he though to himself, tossing his phone aside. It was only right for him to do after everything she had done for him last night - it definitely was not an excuse to talk to her again. Because that would be pathetic and Dohwa Baek was not pathetic nor desperate. Or so he tried to convince himself though he was not sure if he succeeded.

"Seriously," groaned Joon, Dohwa's manager who had unfortunate habit of complaining about every little thing he did, "what's wrong with you?" His lectures were unwanted and so very annoying. "I don't care if you drink or make a fool of yourself but just tell me what it is you're doing! Tell me!" 

Dohwa glared at him, his gaze frosty. "Do you really have to be so..." 

"You don't have to pick up," he continued, interrupting Dohwa, "you're not at home and when you posted that photo online, I went there to get you..." Dohwa stopped listening and glanced over to his phone. "...but you were already gone." A notification? Dohwa snatched up his phone and went to his text messages, desperately hoping that the notification was from Su-ae, that she had responded. 

Do you remember me? 

Dohwa stared at the text for a few minutes. Did he remember her? Of course he did. How could he forget her? She was his first love - she was his only love which was so pathetic that he could never admit it out loud for the sheer embarrassment that the statement gave him. It had been ten years and he still couldn't move on from her. It was pitiful and Su-ae would probably laugh at him if she knew. 

No - she wouldn't laugh. She was still Su-ae, too kind to laugh, too kind to judge because she did genuinely consider him a friend and he was the one who ruined that with his stupid confession. 

"What's gotten into you these days?" Dohwa started to type a response, something nonchalant but not too much. "Are you lashing out because you're overworked?" How was he supposed to act cool again? 

Of course I do. 

"I mean, if you're going to lash out, at least be a little creative about it." Her response was almost instant. "But this? You're too one-dimensional." 

So you do remember. 

"And what if we get another scandal in our hands?" 

Don't worry about the hotel fee. 

"They're such a hassle to deal with." She was still typing. "Aren't you tired of the scandals too?" Dohwa started. "What's so bad about being a little bit careful? Just give me a heads-up next time - that's all."

It was such a coincidence running into you like that. Would you wanna get dinner or something sometime? 

"That way I can sort it out before hand or at least be prepared. You get what I'm saying, don't you? Huh?" Joon looked back and was surprised to see Dohwa looking at his phone, definitely not listening to him. "Hey, are you listening Dohwa? Did you hear me?" 

Dohwa looked away, smiling to himself. Joon was probably going to scold him for not listening, give him another lecture which would be twice as long, but he found himself not caring. Not caring because he had a date.

Maybe I do have a chance, Dohwa thought to himself. 

Chapter Text

Dohwa had never felt more nervous in his whole life than he had now. He was type of person to stay cool in all situations, been able to do so in many awkward circumstances, but it was hard to remain composed now that he was on a date with Su-ae. A date, which was probably, only a date to his delusional mind. He was a brilliant actor though, had acted in several films and dramas since the last time he had properly talked to Su-ae, and so it had become easy for him to pretend, to grit his teeth and force a smile. 

I feel like I'm going to die. He looked at Su-ae who was staring at him, looked uncomfortable. "Hi!" She raised her hand and did an awkward wave that seemed nothing at all like her usual self, like the girl that Dohwa remembered who wouldn't have hesitated at all before. 

He looked at her, his head tilting slightly to the side. Why is she acting like this? He couldn't understand why she seemed so uncomfortable. 

"It's nice to see you..?" 

She didn't look just nervous - she looked scared. 

"Nice to see you?" he repeated. He was her friend, once even if it was really long ago, so why was she treating him like a stranger? Hadn't she asked him to treat her so they could reconnect or had he just misunderstood everything, had he deluded himself into thinking that perhaps she wanted him back in her life?  

She blinked confusedly at him, oblivious to his inner turmoil. "Sorry?" Her apology was hesitant, unsure because she had no idea what it was for. 

He pulled off his sunglasses. "What's with the formalities?" He was annoyed with her behavior and also frustrated because he had been forced to disguise himself even though there were no one to see him. His fingers tugged at the strap of his mask, pulled it over his ear. "Aren't you glad to see me?" 

The conversation flowed much better after Dohwa took off his mask. Su-ae started to talk normally, speak to him like she did before. He also took off his jacket so he was more comfortable. Both of them ate dinner, talking about nothing in particular but also everything at the same time. 

"So," asked Dohwa after a while, "what was with that awkwardness before?" He tried to sound casual but he was genuinely very interested. He told himself that it didn't bother him when she was being awkward but it did, a lot more than he would ever admit. 

"I don't know," said Su-ae. She reached forward with her fork, twirling spaghetti around the silver prongs. "Maybe because you've changed so much," she raised the spaghetti to her mouth, "I guess I felt a little intimidated." 

"I've changed?" He looked at her and noticed her chewing, seriously considering his question. She's so cute. 

"Hmm," she hummed, "you're a bit more... intense, I guess?"

"Intense," he repeated, the word feeling strange on his tongue, "what do you mean?" He didn't think he had changed, truly believed he was the same, but he believed Su-ae too. She knew him and so she would notice if he was different, even if he didn't. But am I really that different? 

"I didn't realize it back then but compared to now," she looked at me, "your demeanor was a lot rounder." She twirled her finger to emphasize. "More gentle and soft." She smiled at him slightly, her eyes crinkling. "A litter cuter... well, not exactly..." 

His laughter cut through her rambling, interrupting her struggle. He chuckled softly, leaning close so he could look at her better. "You haven't changed," he said and he meant it because she was still the same despite everything, she was still the girl he loved. I don't think I'll be able to leave her alone this time. He raised his eyes, his gaze soft as he smiled at her. "You're exactly the same." He took his napkin, dabbed at the corners of his mouth. "It's so crazy. How did we even run into each other there? I go there quite a lot but I've never seen you before. Was it your first -" 

"My friend," interrupted Su-ae. "My friend gave me the membership for my birthday." She looked at Dohwa and he noticed that were something different about her expression, noticed that she looked nervous again. "I knew you went there often but..." she sighed. "I was avoiding you." 

A moment passed. 

"Was your friend a man?" I deserve to die. 

It was clearly not the question Su-ae was expecting. She had probably though he would be upset but Dohwa genuinely did not care that he was avoiding her. He didn't want her to be awkward but he could understand her not wanting to come near him. "Um... yes," she answered, sounding very confused. "Why do you ask?" 

Because I'm jealous, he wanted to say but he didn't. Of course he didn't. He didn't want Su-ae to feel uncomfortable and to make sure she didn't feel so he would have go very slow indeed "No reason," he said instead because he was a good liar now, because his voice didn't shake whenever he attempted to deceive someone. He could make himself look nonchalant even when he was anything but. "I was just curious." 

It was a horrible excuse but Su-ae wasn't the type to question those sorts of things. "Alright," she said then looked at him. "Do you forgive me?" 

What is there to forgive? "Of course," he said smiling. "Just don't cut contact." He smiled but his gaze was sharp. 

"Yes," nodded Su-ae, "let's exchange numbers." 

Dohwa had a last opportunity, and he was determined. He may not have been Su-ae's first love but he could be her last. 

Chapter Text

When Dohwa was younger, he used to think that an idol's job was just to sit still and look pretty. 

Oh how wrong I was.

Being an idol was not a job - it was a lifestyle and much more difficult than Dohwa could ever imagine. To be an idol, he needed to be more than a handsome face, more than he ever was and could be. He had to be himself but also not at the same time. He had to be able to smile even after an exhausting schedule, to be able to have the stamina to endure the exhausting schedule in the first place so he wouldn't immediately die from tire. He had to be able to sing even though the mere though shook his with fear, even though he had months of vocal coaching, had practiced until his throat went raw and his voice hoarse. If that was not enough - he had to do all of this while dancing, while running around on stage in front of a million different people, a million people who were screaming his namme like he was their everything. 

And sometimes he was. He was someone's everything and that was terrifying too because some of them were a bit too obsessed. Stalkers were just a part of the profession but they made Dowha's skin crawl. He had suffered to a particularly nasty stalker when he debuted and while they had been arrested, would probably remain in jail for a few more years, he was still haunted by the memory. Saw them sometimes when he was particularly tired. 

Tired like he was today. He had been filming for his new drama, Phantom, and the director had been much more sensitive than usual, made him repeat the same scene a thousand times over. It was the worst and Dohwa was relieved when he was able to return to his dressing room. "Fuck, he's so annoying," mumbled Dohwa. "By the way, where's my coffee?" Dohwa looked at Joon who had just entered the dressing room, his hands empty despite his earlier promise of buying coffee. 

"You're not supposed to be having caffeine." 

Dohwa knew that. He knew that but he wanted - no, needed that coffee. He would die without coffee, die if he had to do any more work at all. I have a variety show after this. Thinking about it made Dohwa feel tired. He wished he could sue his company for overworking him but he knew this was his fault. If he hadn't cancelled his entire schedule that other day, hadn't taken the day off for his date, he wouldn't have so much to do. 

"It was worth it," murmured Dohwa, glancing at his phone. It had been a few days since their date and Su-ae had been texting regularly with him, even called him once though he was pretty sure it was an accident. 

"Are you talking to yourself again?" Dohwa shoot an icy look at Joon but he seemed unfazed. "The director wants to end filming for today so you can take a short nap before we have to leave." He fished out a watch from his pocket and dropped it into Dohwa's laptop. "You also forgot this." A watch, wondered Dohwa. Was I wearing a watch today? "Do you even realize how expensive these watches are? You can't just keep losing them everything." 

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," said Dohwa dismissively, fastening the silver watch underneath his wrist. Did I even have a Rolex? "Just be quiet so I can take a nap." 

Joon groaned. "You're such a rude brat." 

"Shut up, hyung." 

"Saying hyung doesn't make it polite." 

Dohwa didn't respond. He just closed his eyes and waited for the darkness to sweep him under. It didn't take very long until he was deep asleep, dreaming of a life in which maybe he wasn't an idol. In which he was just... Dohwa. Nothing more, nothing less. 

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The variety show went well... for the most part. It started off normal but it went stranger near the end. He noticed one of the hosts, called Gyeol or something, had been frowning at him for most of the show, his mouth turning downwards whenever Dohwa spoke, returning to normal whenever the camera moved to him. Dohwa didn't think too much of it, certain that he wouldn't do anything bad on live television. He had a few disagreements with variety show hosts before and knew how terribly his fans had flamed them afterwards. Dohwa had watched the same variety show three days later and noticed that the host had been replaced. 

It was frightening honestly. 

"So Dohwa..." his eyes flicked to the camera. "Can I talk to you casually?" Dohwa nodded, confused why he was suddenly acting friendly after glaring at him for so long. "Have you ever had a girlfriend?" he asked immediately afterwards and Dohwa had his answer. He wants to ruin me, thought Dohwa. There was no other reason he would decide to ask such a personal question, especially knowing that Dohwa was a kpop idol and one dating scandal could possibly finish his entire career. 

He didn't really care though. "Of course not," said Dohwa smoothly. "Idols don't date." He tilted his head and thought about Su-ae, about their date, almost date, kind of date. She wasn't his girlfriend though. Not yet. He could work on that though. 

"Really?" asked Gyeol, his lips twisting a sour smile. "You've never dated someone before?" His expression was truly bitter as he continued. "Even with a face like that?" There was resentment in his voice. Oh, Dohwa thought to himself, he has an inferiority complex. He really shouldn't. Dohwa was handsome. He was only handsome. 

"No," said Dohwa. He smiled sweetly, feeling more like grimacing. He really didn't like dealing with guys like him, always so passive agressive, always giving him a headache. He had half-mind to leave right now but stayed seated because it would be even more hassle to deal with Joon's scolding. "My only love is," he forced himself not to cringe, "my fans." It hurt him worse than aegyo but he was sure his agency would appreciate the fan service. 

Much didn't happen after that. Dohwa was a good speaker if not anything else. With his schedule finished for the day, he was on his phone, staring at a message that he had received a few hours before when his phone was still on silent. 

He hadn't expected her to text him first. 

Hi. When are you free next? 

It had been ten minutes and he still hadn't responded. He didn't want to leave her on read, that would be horrible, but he didn't know what to say to her. "How do you respond to a girl asking when you're free?" Joon, who had just sat down, looked pointedly at Dohwa. 

"Are you trying to start a dating scandal?" Joon sighed, leaning back in his seat. "Do you like the girl?" he asked in a quieter voice. "Romantically?" 

Dohwa felt embarrassed. "That's not the question." 

"It's very important." Joon paused. "Is she someone famous?" 

"It's not about me." Dohwa's face was flushed. "It's about my friend." 

Joon rolled his eyes. "Friends, my ass. You don't have any friends, Dohwa." 

Dohwa would have felt offended if it weren't so true. Lots of people wanted to be friends with Dohwa but there were very few that ever succeeded. He was probably one of the most popular people in the world and also the loneliest. He didn't need friends, he was just fine on his own, but was still miserable to think that he had none. "Whatever," mumbled Dohwa. He hesitaited. "How should my friend respond though? Assuming that he likes the girl and he wants her to like him back." 

Joon laughed. "Your friend should tell her that he's free on friday." Joon smiled. "CEO decided to give you the day off." 

That was suspscious. "Why?" he asked, forgetting to correct Joon that it was his friend asking and totally not him. 

Joon shrugged. "I don't know - I think the company's having some problems. I'm not important enough to know." 

Dohwa didn't ask about it again. He went back on his phone, Joon's words echoing in the back of his mind, as he replied. 

Sorry, I was busy. I'm free on friday though. 

He stared at his phone for a moment, hesitaiting. 

Want to meet? 

Chapter Text

It was the arcade that he made all of his precious memories. Empty because everyone was supposed to be in school and the few that weren't, more than a few because high schoolers especially loved to skive off school, knew better than to hang around the arcade. Internet cafes were better anyways, online games that didn't cost a dozen coins that no one really bothered to carry around anymore. Or maybe they did. Dohwa really didn't know a lot about children, high school or otherwise. He just knew enough to know that even if there seemed to be no one around, even if it seemed he was almost alone, he shouldn't take off his mask. 

He took off the sunglasses at least. It was hard enough to see indoors without them, too dark for his eyes so used to the spotlight. He blinked and blinked until he could see the shadowy figure of Su-ae, holding something that resembled a gun, shooting at digital zombies on a screen. He had seen her play the game before, so many years ago, but he felt that she had gotten better. Impossibly more than she was the last time he had seen her play which he still remembered so clearly. 

He was still really bad. 

She handed him the gun-thing when he walked over, recognising him immeditaley even though his face was covered with a mask, even though he had a cap angled over his eyes, even though he a wore lumpy hoodie that would hide his form, anything recognizable about him. He should look like anyone else but somehow she knew it was him. "You're the only one here," she said, as if reading his mind. She smiled and Dohwa felt his heart flutter in his chest. 

He hid his own smile, the shy sort that he really didn't feel like showing, and took the gun. Lightgun. Gun-thing. What's it called? He took it and watched as she picked up the other one, adjusted her hands around it, and turned to face the screen. She had that bright look to her. Dohwa looked away. He couldn't bear it. "Sorry if we lose," said Dohwa in advance because he was still as terrible as ever, worse maybe. "I didn't get a lot of practice." 

"Didn't think idols would have time for that." 

It was a passing comment and then the game started. Dohwa was pleasantly surprised to not find himself dead, eaten by one of the zombies in the first few seconds. Even more surprised because he lasted until the end though it was probably because Su-ae carried him. Dohwa had killed maybe five zombies, less probably, and missed most of his shots in a way that was truly astonishing. He wasn't good at much. He had a pretty face at least. 

Su-ae wasn't looking at his pretty face. She just moved on to the next game, urging him, smiling, laughing. Her laugh was heavenly and Dohwa was enamoured. He wondered if she was some siren or something or if he was just a fool who was still stuck on the same girl from ten years ago. It would be embarrassing if she realised. It was embarrassing because he knew and felt so aware of the fact everytime he looked at her, stared at her for just a bit too long. 

"What about karaoke?" asked Su-ae. Her eyes were wide, full of light, pleading slightly. 

No, Dohwa should have said. He hated to sing. He couldn't sing. His throat felt like it was closing whenever he tried to sing but she had heard him at his worst and it really couldn't be that bad. He remembered her being far worse. "Sure," said Dohwa, smiling softly. "Lead the way." 

It was easy. Easy because he was a kpop idol and he had practiced so many of these songs until his throat burned raw, until his vocal cords felt like they had been ripped, shredded to piece. He should have easily gotten an one hundred, should have because he was an idol and this was basically his job, but his voice wobbled, cracked and he couldn't sing. Sing well, he could, but not like he should. His voice wasn't bad anymore but it was basic. Nothing special. 

Su-ae laughed though. "You did better than me," she said. She grinned wryly. "You think I'd do a bit better - I just went to do karoake with my coworkers last week." 

"I am an idol," said Dohwa with a grin of his own. "This is a very special performance I gave you - some people would sell their souls for it." 

"I'm so grateful." She was teasing and then her smile dropped. "I went to one of your concerts last year." Dohwa's heart stopped. She was at... his concert? "One of my friends was a really big fan, I'm pretty sure you were her bias, but she made me come." Dohwa really couldn't hear what she was saying. Couldn't understand much more than the sound of his own heart. It was all he heard. All he knew. "I actually really liked it. I didn't really get that you were an idol but when I saw you on the stage..." her voice trailed, her light dimmed and she seemed a bit sadder. "You seemed so radiant." 

He wasn't sure how to respond. Because she was radiant too, brighter than the sun, while he was just a poor imitation. He was superficial. He was a fake smile, a pretty face, a drunken affair which went so very wrong. He wasn't meant to live. Wasn't meant to shine. He would be dull if it meant solace, break from all the eyes, the expectations, the admirers who loved him but made him hate himself. 

She continued even when he didn't say anything, talking more to herself than him at this point. "There were so many people. All there. All for you. I.." she coughed, something bitter about her as she looked at him again, a bit off from what he remembered. "Everyone was looking at you. Cheering for you. Loving you." 

"Yeah," said Dohwa, looking away now, "it's not very nice though." He gave his bitter look. "To be looked at. It kind of sucks." 

Because some love trapped, confined, hurt. Dohwa had been hurt by that love many times before. 

Chapter Text

Someone is following me. 

Su-ae had developed something of a second sense for these sort of things, had become extra sensitive since all that business at high school. She knew that he liked to watch her but it felt different from before. Clumsier. She could hear their footsteps and see their shadows for those few moments she dared to look over her shoulders. 

It wasn't him. He was careful. She only knew from instinct but had never really caught them following her. This person... oh, they were different. Dangerous, maybe. A stalker? Su-ae always kept a pepper spray tucked in her pocket, quick to take out if she needed. One spray and she could render them blind and then she just needed to run. Really. Fucking. Fast. She had her thumb hooked around the edge of her pocket, pressed against the metal can. 

It was getting dark. She wanted to call someone but she really didn't have anyone. She would have asked Dohwa to walk her home but then he was a celebrity and even if they were friends really long ago - Su-ae wasn't sure. She wasn't sure if she could call herself a friend because her intentions didn't feel pure. She had "accidentally" met him but it wasn't an accident. She had stalked his instagram page and found the bar that he often frequented to, went there herself for weeks to try and catch a glimpse. 

She had a reason. Not a good one. She had abandoned it completely, pushed it to the farthest corners of her mind. It could be guilt. Dohwa had seemed happy to see her and those alterior motives made her feel so horrible. She gave it up. 

It wasn't her. She would have liked to tell him too but... well, it would hurt them both. It was better not to talk about it. 

Su-ae snuck another glance over her shoulder and saw the shadow was gone. She looked forward and saw only the three people that waited at the bus stop. A balding old man, a little boy that seemed to be his grandson, chewing on what appeared to be a liquorice stick. Then a teenage girl, or maybe an adult, bopping her head to music, blasting some familiar sounding kpop song that Su-ae could even hear from that distance. 

They left. Su-ae tried not to ponder it. She would have to return home quickly. She had her promise with the CEO and she had to fullfill it if she wanted to keep her life. She had only a bit left to the chapter, just needed to upload it before the day ended. Death was far scarier than any stalkers and Su-ae had no intention of letting herself die so easily. She would fight, tooth and nail if needed. 

She would live. She had to. 

Chapter Text

The CEO of Marang Entertainment was someone that rarely wandered from his office. So rarely, in fact, that some had started to believe he lived there. Which seemed reasonable as, from what Dohwa knew from visiting there when he was first recruited, there was a functioning bathroom and even a kitchen with a fridge that was stocked with all sorts of food and also a ridiculous amount of strawberry milk cartons. Very few people had ever seen him. Dohwa was one of the three people that had seen the CEO more than thrice in his life. Once when he was being scouted, once when he was recruited and once again after a particularly nasty experience with a stalker. Dohwa shuddered at the memory even now, pushing it out of his mind. Because this man, who hardly ever came from his office, was standing in front of him. 

"Hello." He was addressing them all but it felt like he was just talking to Dohwa, looking solely at him with his eyes so dark. Concerning, Dohwa decided it to be. It was strange for the CEO of Marang, with so many better things to do, to be meeting personally with one of the idol groups, one of their most popular ones - yes - but in their practice rooms? It made no sense. He could just call them to his office. He could do anything and, with their employment contracts so airtight, none of them could do anything about it. 

Dohwa didn't get along with his group members really well. Maybe because he was the last to join, because he had skipped the trainee stage entirely, because he became an idol with his face instead of his voice. But I tried, he thought to himself. I did everything they asked. And it still wasn't good enough. His singing, far better now, but creaky without the backtrack. He doesn't dance stiffly anymore but that was only with hours of practice. Involuntary. They forced him and while they didn't sneer, while they didn't laugh, while they didn't glare - he felt their resentment. It was worse than any judgement. 

Others often notice his distance. He was a cold person, most fans liked him better for it, but some noticed. Some noticed that he always laughed a little too late, forgot to smile when the attention wasn't on him. Some noticed and wrote comments. Not so nice ones toward him. But people had said worse and if they weren't brave enough to say it to his face, he shouldn't be bothered. He shouldn't. These were some strangers on the internet, calling him untalented and just a pretty face. People sitting behind their laptop, talking about someone else, someone that they don't even know. These people that probably didn't shower but... it still hurt. Because it was true. He was untalented. He was just a pretty face. But he tried. He tried so hard for this life he hated. He became an actor even though he cringed to see his face on the screen. He sang even when his throat hurt. He was coming to the practice room for the new choreography they would have to learn instead of staying home like he wanted, hidden underneath his bedcovers.

He adjusted his watch on his wrist. What are we supposed to call him again? 

"Sir," Ryu greeted, bowing lowly. The rest of them followed to do the same, greeting and bowing politely, all awkward and stiff with the presence of someone so unfamiliar. "What are you doing here?" asked Ryu, shooting a sharp look at the still bowing members. "We didn't expect you." 

"I just thought I'd see how you all are going." He was still looking at Dohwa. "I've been looking forward to the comeback." He smiled and it was stiff. "You all are so talented." He was definitely looking at Dohwa. So pointedly. The others noticed too, were staring at Dohwa too. 

"Yes," mumbled Dohwa. He glanced at his watch and then at the other members. "Sorry, I have something to do." He didn't. "I... a family dinner." A flimsy excuse that hardly held when he was on bad terms with his family, hadn't seen them in a very long time. Not that they would know. Dohwa kept very quiet about his family situation or lack of it. Lack of family. Loving people in his life. Caring people. "I'll... go." 

So many movies and dramas and he was still a horrible liar. He stumbled as he sprinted, glancing over his shoulder to make sure no one followed. 

He shouldn't be running. Why was he running? A notification from his phone made him still, looking at the person that sent it. He finally stopped and carefully typed out a response to the message, to the invitation. 

What time?

He slipped his phone back into the pocket and walked more calmly now, smiling even slightly. He forgot entirely about the CEO that had deigned to meet him today, meet him when it was so unordinary. What did it matter when he had a date soon?

Chapter Text

It wasn't a proper date. Not technically with the way that she had worded her invitation with no romantic implications at all, no interest except for maybe to reunite with her old friend. He could pretend though. It was almost a date anyways. Dohwa had wanted to dress up and had been forced to rethink it when he remembered his very public reputation and that it wouldn't do him, or Su-ae, any good for them to be caught together on something like a date. Not a date but it could be if you squinted a little. 

Dohwa had sighed and changed into plainer clothes. He had went out like that, wiith a mask and sunglasses in hand, but people had started staring at him and although he would have liked to keep his pretty face uncovered - possibly try and seduce Su-ae with it - he had eventually given in when the burning gazes become too much. He hadn't had a hat but he bought one at a store nearby, and a hoodie so he could pull the hood over his head, before he went to the designated meeting zone in front of the cinema. 

He waited now, far earlier than they had decided to meet, a little aimless now that he'd arrived. A movie date, he thought to himself. Su-ae had been his friend back in high school, and might be becoming one again now, but it hadn't been for very long. Dohwa would call them close, would hope that she called them the same, but they hadn't done that many things together. Not as much as Dohwa wanted. This was one of the things that they hadn't done, that he had been desperate to do and she was the one that asked. She initiated and it wasn't a date but Dohwa wanted to imagine so badly it was one. 

She came half an hour before the date... um, hangout. She looked pretty as always. Prettier. Dohwa had never cared much about looks, he knew an awful lot of models, but none of them made him feel like this. He wondered if Su-ae was really just this pretty or if it was just his love blinding him, distorting his vision. He hoped it was. If she wasn't pretty - there would be less competition. Less people to worry about. 

Su-ae looked pretty to him and that was all that mattered. She was in a white dress that he might have seen before in some advertisements when scrolling on his phone. She'd dressed much better than him and he felt bad. Horrible because he was in a hoodie while she was looking like a goddess. He was the kpop idol and she'd dressed better than him. What's the point of that handsome face then, the voice in his head asked him. 

His face twisted bitter when he suddenly felt a hand on his head, pulling the hood farther down. "Wouldn't want your fans to spot you," whispered Su-ae with a smile on her face, a familiar smile. His heart shuttered at her touch. "I know you don't like being stared at." 

She still remembers. 

With just a few words, Su-ae banished all the dark thoughts. She had a way of doing that. She was lively. Bright. She was unapologetically herself. She was someone that suffered a lot but she was there with him, with sympathetic words when he suffered too. 

"Don't worry," said Dohwa, smiling himself. He gestured to my face. "None of them will recognise me." 

"You'd be surprised," said Su-ae. Her voice waw slightly grim. Concerning. "You should be careful with your fans. Some of them don't understand boundaries." Her eyebrows were knitted together. "Be firm. Your personal life is personal. Make sure that your agency doesn't ignore anything like that." Saesangs. She was talking about saesangs though being vague. Dohwa didn't really care about that but was more focused on why Su-ae, of all people, was thinking about this. Maybe she read about his stalker cases on the internet or maybe... they wouldn't be so bold. "Ahhh," exlaimed Su-ae, cutting off his stream of thoughts. "It's almost time for the movie." 

Dohwa glanced at his watch. It was not. There was still twenty minutes until the movie begun. He told her so. She stared at him for a moment, her cheeks flushing a beautiful red colur, and then she rubbed the back of her neck. 

"I like watching the previews," said Su-ae though there was something dishonest about the way she said it. She still seemed a bit flustered. Dohwa let it slide. She clearly didn't want to tell him and he shouldn't push her even if he really wanted to do because pushing would effectively make her distance herself from him and Dohwa wouldn't have that. Not again. "Come on," urged Su-ae, hooking her arm with his, squeezing it tightly in a way that made Dohwa forget everything else and hyperaware of the warmth of her body next to his, "let's go buy some popcorn." She pressed even closer to him, glancing somewhere over her shoulder though Dohwa was a bit too preoccupied trying to remember how this definitely was not a date. How this was completely innocent and platonic even if it felt oddly domestic. Because he'd never dated someone before and his parents' marriage wasn't a healthy example for one. "What drinks would you like - I'll treat you." 

Dohwa wanted to refuse but also the proximity was too close and his throat felt oddly dry for a reason. "Coke," he mumbled. 

She smiled. "I'll get coke then," she said, taking out her wallet. "And we can share the popcorn." 

Dohwa's throat was burning. 

"Yes," he said slowly, nodding with a tight smile on his face. "Let's share." 

Chapter Text

Dohwa was having a heart attack? He had all the symptoms. The nausea. The irregular heartbeat. The dizziness. His hands were tingling which probably wasn't a good thing. He would have been certain he was having a heart attack if he hadn't experienced all these symptoms, and more, before. Because it wasn't a heart attack - it was love. Disgusting, Dohwa would think to himself in private. Pathetic, he would call himself later in the car. He'd felt all these things before and felt horrified that he was still now, worse than ever though he was supposed to so much more mature than than lovesick teenage boy. He wouldn't have minded if it wasn't only him. Moron, the voice in his head whispered to him, getting flutters over touching hands. 

It was barely even that. Just a brush of their fingers as Dohwa reached for the popcorn and he had pulled away very quickly, which was a sore regret of his, but it couldn't have been longer than half a second. So why was his entire face flushed? His cheeks were heated and he could feel his ears turning red. He was thankful for the darkness or Su-ae would see him and she'd realise that he was in love with her, again, and then reject him, again. He didn't want to be rejected. He didn't want to be accepted. He just wanted to stay by her side. 

I want her to look at me. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. He squashed the thought out of his head. He... he did want that, yes, but he had to be slower. He couldn't just force Su-ae to love him no less than Su-ae could force him not to. He could just try his hardest and hope that she might develop some fondness for him. Which again, was pathetic, but Dohwa always had been pathetic. It was why his mother had left. It was why his father had beat him. It was why he had decided to become an idol because at least it would put his pretty face to good use. 

"Are you alright?" whispered Su-ae. He lurched as she leaned towards him, pretending not to see the slight furrow of her eyebrows as she leaned away again. "Sorry," she mumbled, "didn't mean to get that close." Get closer please. "I know you don't like it." I don't mind if it's you. "You just seemed a bit... off." A torrent of thoughts ran through Dohwa's head, distracting him from what Su-ae was actually thinking. 

"Oh," he said, once he realised. He actually had very little to say. He was surprised that Su-ae remembered such insignificant things about him. It made him feel a bit hopeful and maybe... naive. "I'm fine." He was fine now at least. Certainly not a few minutes ago with the dark thoughts starting to trickle. He continued to pretend that they weren't there. "You should pay attention though," Dohwa told her. "You might miss something." 

Su-ae, jolting with the realisation, turned quickly to the screen, her eyes wide, taking in everything with such rapt attention. Cute, thought Dohwa to himself, chuckling softly and catching himself when he realised how jilted the sound was. He cleared his throat and reached for the popcorn, his fingers brushed against Su-ae's again, and quickly pulled away again. He stuffed his mouth with the popcorn and forced himself to chew, to focus on only that and nothing else. Definitely not the feeling of Su-ae's skin against his. Because that would be pathetic and Dohwa was not. He really wasn't. He'd resigned it. 

He was unsuccessful for the most part, kept glancing to his left, his eyes pulling away from the screen too much for him to figure out what the movie was actually about. It was when he was looking at the screen again, squinting for the subtitles underneath and wondering if he might need to have his eyes checked, that he felt something from his left. 

It was Su-ae, obviously.

She nudged him softly, her hand squeezing around his shoulder, her warmth bleeding through his shirt. He shivered and stilled immediately once he realised his too physical reaction that she might have noticed though she didn’t seem to as she was too distracted. She pointed at the screen and hissed, “look.” He did look. It was some girl on screen with bleached blonde hair and those too blue contacts that he loathed to wear but got forced to much too frequently for his taste. “Isn’t that your friend?” 

Friend… Dohwa squinted closer and realised that, while not a friend, she was definitely someone he knew. An idol from the same company and though they aren’t particularly close, Dohwa isn’t really close with anyone, they have lots of collaborations. He doesn’t remember her name though. Or her face either it seems. So how does Su-ae? He lets himself entertain the thought, that while he has spent the last ten years trying to forget Su-ae, maybe, just maybe… he... was delusional. 

This wasn't a date, he had to remind himself. He could be as out of touch with reality as he wanted but it wasn't fair to push his delusions onto someone else. 

"She's not really my friend," said Dohwa dismissively. "We're just in the same company together. We didn't even talk once." 

"Didn't you get into a scandal with her though?" She just voiced the though before slapping her hand over her mouth, her entire face flushing red. Dohwa stared at her, eyes wide. 

Maybe I wasn't too far off with my delusion. Su-ae might not be interested in him romantically but she was certainly interested in him. Enough to know about the scandals he had which even he didn't remember. Maybe because they'd been friends once, she kept track, or maybe, and it felt daring to hope, because she might have missed him. Not as a friend. Not as someone she loves. But something in between. And while it was nothing concrete - Dohwa could work with it. 

Chapter Text

Dohwa wanted another date. 

He had decided that he must have another date but it had been two weeks and Su-ae had not contacted him, except for the occasional asking about his day which was sweet but she kept asking for a raincheck whenever he tried to organise a date - no, meetup. Because he and Su-ae, rather unfortunately, weren't dating. Su-ae didn't like him and she wouldn't if he couldn't seduce her but how was he supposed to do that when she kept avoiding him? Well, not avoiding. Su-ae was straightforward - she would tell him if he was making her uncomfortable, if she didn't want to see him. She'd rejected him so easily last time he confessed and that was when they were really close friends. Now... it was hard to define. It was something, certainly, but Dohwa couldn't tell what. 

He concluded, after many hours thinking on the problem, that he wouldn't find a solution unless he tried to figure out what it was. He could guess all he wanted but he couldn't ever be sure. So Dohwa made up his mind. He would visit Su-ae at work. He had made up for a few days now but on the actual day, sitting at the back of the cab with a bouqet of flowers in his hands, Dohwa felt nervous. Or it might be the flowers. His nose itched like it always did around pollen. Allergies, he thought to himself. He should really have it checked. 

He arrived finally after ten minutes. He came out of the cab, giving the cab driver a large tip, and quickly pulled on his sunglasses. He already had his mask and pulled it up farther to cover his face and his nose that seemed to have turned red. He didn't bring a hat but he didn't think people would recognise him. Or expect him. It made no sense for him to be at this place. Not unless someone knew about his relation with Su-ae but very few people did. Very few people should. His mind entirely somewhere else - Dohwa startled when he heard a camera shutter. Loudly. He looked quickly over his shoulder, fear shining in his eyes, and relaxed when he saw it was just a couple taking photos together in front of the cherry blossoms. Oh, though Dohwa, I forgot about the cherry blossoms. 

He saw the petals all over the floor and crouched down, even with his itchy nose and slightly burning eyes, picking up a dozen or so petals and squeezing them in with the rest of the flowers in the bouqet. It probably didn't look too nice but Su-ae might appreciate the sentimentality. She might cry. She was odd like that. Sensitive sometimes and sometimes... not. Sometimes not there at all. It was what fascinated him. Because she was still bright regardless and it didn't feel like pretend. 

I hope she never pretends with me, thought Dohwa to himself. It was a scarce though. Another camera shutter frightened him and he quickly scrambled towards the building, holding the flower bouqet close to his chest and promising himself that he would do this well. That he'd get Su-ae back and he'd... help... no, she didn't need his help. Not now. Not back then. Not ever. But he could comfort her at least and close that distance. He could be someone to make her feel better... and I can try to seduce her later. Her comfort was top priority though Dohwa had little experience with such things. Surely he could ease some of whatever seems to be bothering her so much. 

Dohwa managed to find her desk easily. He didn't even have to ask around much because lots of people seem to know Su-ae, which isn't unexpected, and she seems well-liked too because they question him. "Are you her boyfriend?" one of them asked, grinning only to be elbowed by her friend. They whispered about how lucky Su-ae was to have a handsome boyfriend afterwards and usually Dohwa hated it. Hated being called handsome and stared at. But he did like being called her boyfriend. He enjoyed that and was smiling when he reached her desk. 

He saw her first. She was talking to some tall dark-haired man. Dohwa was too far to notice how agitated her expression was, pulling down his mask with one hand and thrusting out the bouqet with the other. "Su-ae!" he called out. Both the man and Su-ae turned and Dohwa felt his heart jump down to his stomach. No! Not him! Not him again! But it was. 

It was stupid fucking Go Eunhyeok. Su-ae's last boyfriend. And he was looking at Dohwa like he was an insect. An insect he wanted to squash. 

Though that was nothing to Dohwa rushing forward and grabbing him by the collar. "What the fuck are you doing back here in Korea, asshole?" His hand tightened around his collar. "Didn't you leave?" 

Chapter Text

In the same way that Dohwa drank even though he was a lightweight - he fought even though he usually ended up with a blackened eye in the end. Well, Dohwa thought to himself, at least it wasn't a blackened eye. 

A fist crushing his nose made him feel exactly at home in this unfamiliar office building. He tasted the blood, back then and even now, as he swung his own fist harder than ever. He couldn't punch before. He was too short. He could just kick and scream. This is fun, Dohwa thought to himself, knocking him over now. I get why he liked this. His face was bruised and he probably looked uglier than ever but his fists kept swinging. Swinging one after the another. I am my father's son. He choked back his laughter as a hand grabbed his collar and forced him down to the ground. Into a far more familiar position. 

He felt the hits and almost laughed. He did laugh when he couldn't see anymore, when the blood was starting to dribble, when he felt something wet running down his chin. He laughed loudly and he heard a loud sound. A thud. A body thrown to the ground, pulled roughly off him, flung by none other than... "Su-ae," whispered Dohwa. Wow, she really was strong. Su-ae looked at him and she was frowning. 

"Come on," she said, pulling him up. "Let's go somewhere else. We," she glanced back at Eunhyeok who was coughing blood on the floor - which was probably Dohwa's fault - and pulled out her phone, "are going to have a talk." Calling someone on the phone with one hand, she pulled him away with the other. Dohwa couldn't hear clearly what she said but understood a somewhat one-sided conversation. "A visitor," he heard her saying, "has assaulted the director." Some whispered words and then a frown. He reached for her but she swatted away his hand and gave him a look that said to not move. "The director's fine enough. Just have someone give him first-aid." She paused suddenly, her frown fading slightly. "Ah... he's my visitor," her grip softened around her sleeve, "so I'm responsible for him, aren't I?" Her expression went darker. "I'll take care  of him." 

Be scared, she seemed to say to him, be very scared. 

When Su-ae finally had him alone, in a room for maybe business meetings, Dohwa felt that he had made a mistake. One that might have ruined everything but it was hard to contain his rage after seeing that man again. Eunhyeok. Man felt wrong for him. He was just a boy when Dohwa saw him and the reason that Dohwa punched him was because he saw that boy again. Not the one that made Su-ae smile, who made Dohwa feel all sorts of disgusting feelings of hatred, but who left. And now had the audacity to come back. 

"I," started Dohwa, not sure what to say in defense. She wouldn't hit him, right? He had seen her fling Eunhyeok off him so she must be much stronger than he thought. Su-ae wasn't abusive though. She would scold him and she might, at worst, at the very worst, cut him off forever. We can't even be friends, Dohwa, she might say. 

"Are you okay?" asked Su-ae. 

Are you okay? No one had asked him that in a very long time. 

He smiled. She frowned at him. "Don't smile like that," said Su-ae. "You don't know how horrible you look right now. You look..." Su-ae shook her head. "Why even start a fight if you can't win? If you're going to get beaten up?" 

Dohwa smiled even wider. "Do I still look pretty?" he teased, leaning close to her. 

Su-ae smiled involuntarily. "Shut up," she mumbled. "I'm not going to talk to you. Who starts a fight in a office? You only just saw him." 

"Didn't you want to fight him after you saw him?" asked Dohwa. Her frown became tight and Dohwa feared he said the wrong thing. Said something wrong definitely. He continued, more hesitaitingly. "He's your ex, right? Most people hate their exes." 

"It was high school," she said dismissively in a way that made Dohwa feel that she had no idea how her face looked right now. Because she wouldn't lie so confidently if she could see that look. "High school was years ago." Then, as if she couldn't help but let it slip, she said quietly. "Yes." She looked up at him, smiling slightly. "I wanted to punch him but it's not very professional, Dohwa." 

"This isn't my job," reminded Dohwa. 

Su-ae laughed. "I'll get you some bandages and ointment. Your face... well, it's not good for your idol image." 

"So you think I don't look pretty now?" 

Su-ae laughed again. It was the sort of laugh that Dohwa could hear forever. 

Chapter Text

I blink at the glaring screen. I'd already been following her - I made a point to follow all his friends from birth to now. I pay more attention to recent friends than the old ones. She... wasn't someone I'd thought about. One of his old classmates from the past that I only found because she'd been tagged in a post with Dohwa, because she'd had her arm slung around his shoulder and not just anyone can touch my Dohwa. Because she doesn't deserve him and I was making sure she wasn't going for someone out of her station. Of course, I found out, stalking her Instagram posts from about almost ten years ago and some cross-referencing with others that she and him probably weren't close. She had a boyfriend too. She wasn't even his friend. She was just... a friend of a friend. Probably. It was hard to make sure of something from so far back but she didn't seem like the sort that Dohwa would make friends with. 

His friends were celebrities. Handsome. Pretty. Stunning. Never as much as him. No one can outshine Dohwa. He is brighter than the sun and they are just there to complement him. He is the main character and they are supporting cast, nice faces, but nothing compared to him. They don't shine. They don't shimmer. They aren't anything like him and this girl is even less. She is dull. Ordinary. Normal. Dohwa wouldn't associate with someone like her. 

But he does. I have the photos pinned around my room, of their secret meet-ups that weren't really so secret. Her approaching him at the bar. I should've stopped it. I should have sensed her ulterior motives but I'd been hiding. I couldn't come out. I'd get arrested. Or fined and I don't really have the money to pay those. Not like last time when I'd had to spend my entire savings and go half into debt. My Dohwa is so harsh but I still love him. Just a little more secretly. 

I don't know where she took him or what she did but after he... I wonder if she blackmailed him or something. I consider the thought because it makes a lot more sense than Dohwa lowering himself and hanging out with someone like her. She must have something on him. Maybe about his father though I'm pretty sure I have already dealth with him. It could be about his mother though even I don't know anything about that. It can't be something bad - Dohwa has never done anything bad. He is perfect. Some people say that about their idols but I really mean it. I know it. Because I know everything about my idol. I know everything. 

I'd tried to ward her off from Dohwa but none of it seems to be working. So maybe I'll take extreme measures. 

I grab the sledgehammer, testing my grip, before putting it in the bag. 

Chapter Text

"Did you lose something?"

"I didn't lose it!" He might have lost it. It shouldn't matter. Dohwa had lots of other sunglasses, the ones that he was looking for were uncomfortable anyways, but it was from a brand deal. It just wasn't right to lose the custom-made Louis Vuitton sunglasses, something that was worth a small fortune. Not that it anything compared to the wealth that Dohwa had achieved, so far from what he had when he was younger, but it was his favourite pair. It was also not the first of his things to go missing. He'd lost his wallet recently at the film set, for it to be later returned by some of the crew with the charm attached to it, one that he'd won from an arcade game long time ago, missing. It fell off, he told himself then. He'd also misplaced his watch before that though Joon was quick to find it and give it back to him. He still hadn't gotten back the maroon scarf that he'd received from a different brand deal, which fell through but he had kept the scarf which was too nice for him not to use it.

There was the last thing, the worst, which made him really uncomfortable. Because it wasn't just one pair. It was half of his underwear drawer that had been emptied out. It could have been lost in the laundry. Dohwa didn't take care of it himself, obviously, and the woman who took care of it, who he had never really seen and knew about only because he found his clean clothes folded neatly on his bed at the end of every day, often lost his clothes. Smaller items. His socks usually though his underwear had disappeared under her care before. It was concerning that so much was missing. 

Is someone taking it? 

He shook his head, not because it was impossible, but because he didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to believe he was going through all of this again. So he would deny it. He would remind himself that the security had been tightened and very few people knew his address. So an inside job? He slapped himself now. Hard on the cheek. The pain cleared his head. "It's not a stalker," he said loudly to himself. "It's just bad luck." 

Was he being to paranoid? Most celebrities were, Dohwa believed, though he knew what it often did to them. He wouldn't overthink. Clothes go missing sometimes. His things disappear but a lot of them were returned. It was all fine. The girls from last time had been dealt with, harshly, and were monitored. Of course, there was one that wasn't but it was only because she went away to USA. He'd asked about it and apparently their parents, because it was just a teenage girl that had traunatised him so badly, sent them off to the States to study as a punishment. He hadn't heard of their return so he would assume he was safe. 

And Su-ae, came as an afterthought. Because he remembered what had happened to one of the other members for being near him, a male who was in the same group as him, and imagined how one of stalker "fans" would react if they knew of Su-ae's existence. Not well. Dohwa had a vivid image in his mind, of a shadow creeping up behind Su-ae, and shook his head. He really didn't want to imagine that. He'd suffered. It would be worse if the people around him did too. If it was Su-ae who was the only person that he truly... 

His train of thoughts was interrupted by Joon. "Someone's calling you," he said and all but threw the phone at Dohwa. 

Dohwa, after shooting a glare at Joon, took the phone and answered. It was from an unknown number. "Is this... uh, Su-ae Shim's friend?" Su-ae Shim's friend? Dohwa had never heard himself addressed like this. 

"Yes," he said. He glanced at Joon who was looking curiously at Dohwa and Dohwa lowered his voice. "Is there a problem?" 

"Someone tried to kill her." 

Dohwa dropped the phone. 

Chapter Text

"He... hung up." 

Su-ae's hand twitched. "Um, it's a good thing? I think?" 

The nurse looked pointedly at her. "You're not supposed to talk, Miss Shim," she reminded her. "You're supposed to rest."

I'm resting plenty, Su-ae thought privately to herself. She smiled outwards though there was the large part of her that loathed to be confined in the extremely narrow hospital bed. The bedsheets were clean, she had been assured repeatedly, but smelled worse than a urinal. If only she could move something other than just her hand, in small flurried movements which really weren't enough for to be signed out. Su-ae couldn't even brush the hair out of her mouth though she supposed those easy sort of things become suddenly very difficult when someone tried to smash your skull with a brick. She could still feel the blood at the back of her head, trickling into her hair, down the curve of her spine. The doctor, who had come to see for only fifteen minutes about an hour ago, had told her that he had never seen so much blood coming from one person's head before. He also told her that she probably had a concussion and, while she didn't seem to fortunately need any stitches, the doctor mentioned something about them performing more tests. 

"You might have brain damage," he'd told her and left the room almost immediately after dropping that bomb. 

It was a very worrying thing to think about but seemed less worrying when the nurses came and injected her with some sort of painkiller-drug-thing. Morphine? Su-ae wasn't sure for much except her thoughts were not quite forming, coming straight from her mouth. Another worrying thing but she was quite quick to pass out, falling asleep in just a minute flat. When she woke up, was woken up, the nurse told her they'd been having difficulty with finding her emergency contact and couldn't reach anyone (su-ae's dad was her contact and he'd changed numbers a few months ago because of scam calls) so they asked for another contact, if she had any others. 

She did. Her mom. Her dad's new number. She had a great number of friends who could have come but for some reason she found himself choosing him. Dohwa Baek. The celebrity, kpop idol, up and coming actor, who probably shouldn't come. But she wanted to see him for some reason. Maybe it was the combination of the drugs and concussion or maybe it was after a near-death she realised that for some reason Dohwa was really important to her - she really wanted to see him. Soon. 

He might not come. He's busy. He has a schedule full of more important things. 

She bit her lip hard. Hard enough to taste blood. "I'm feeling bad again." 

The nurse gave her another injection and she passed out straight away.