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It had been a day since the Strawhats had left Jinbe and the Sun Pirates to fend off Big Mom. The night had been filled with excitement and as much food as Sanji could produce. It was a welcomed distraction from the previous events on Totto Island, but as the sun set, the party died. One by one, the crew cleared the deck to do their own thing, leaving Sanji alone in the kitchen to clean. He was still keeping busy, washing each dish diligently and drying it. A cigarette clung to his bottom lip as he exhaled the nicotine filled smoke from his lungs. Quiet was not good company for Sanji. It only invited guests without his permission. Loneliness. Anxiety. Depression. One by one, they begin to worm their way into Sanji’s thoughts that were previously occupied by his friend’s laughter and happiness. The blonde stared down at the dish in his hand as his eyes began to gloss over.
He really hadn't had time to process what really happened in Whole Cake Island. His botched wedding, or even his attempted assassination. More importantly, he hadn’t processed that moment with Luffy. He felt a tug at his heart, like it was being lassoed by a rogue cowboy. Sanji remembered the fear he felt when he ran through mountains of bodies in the sticky syrup rain. He remembered how hopeless he felt thinking he lost Luffy. He remembered how elated he was after finally finding his captain. He didn’t deserve Luffy, wasn’t worthy of his presence.
Sanji felt the ground beneath him give way as he dropped the plate in his hands. He fell to his knees while tears moved in rivers down the sides of his face. He had betrayed Luffy, even had the nerve to fight him. All while his captain refused to leave. Selfish. The word reverberated through his head as he recalled all the names he spewed at Luffy. He hurt him. He hurt his captain. He hurt the sun , his sun. The one that shined even while the moon was out. Yet, Luffy forgave him. Called his trashy bento box good. Luffy had damn near starved just to see him again. And with a smile on his face, Luffy told him confidently,
“That’s just who you are.”
Luffy knew him better than anyone else, hell, even better than his own family did. Sanji shook under the sink, hands finding solace in his hair. He dug his nails into his scalp, not enough to draw blood, but enough to remind him it was real. His lip quivered as the reality hit him. He was a shitty friend, a shitty cook. He didn't belong there. He didn't belong anywhere near the future pirate king’s side.
Sanji was only snapped from his trance by the creak of the kitchen door, a familiar straw hat peeking through the crack. The captain he was just thinking about was now poking his head in like a cat after hearing a can open. Sanji remained still, hoping that would make him invisible. Maybe Luffy wouldn’t notice him. Maybe Luffy would forget about him, forever. It seemed to have the opposite effect when Luffy immediately spotted him. “Sanji! I didn’t know you were still awake,” the raventte chuckled as he fully opened the door. Sanji didn’t dare to look up at his captain, not like he was worthy of even hearing his voice. He sat in place, maybe if he sunk down enough, he would disappear. Disappear from Luffy’s life without a trace and he’d forget. Luffy would forget all the hurtful things he said. Luffy would forget all the kicks he landed. Luffy would forget Sanji and move on. To be the King of the Pirates, as God intended.
Luffy’s eyes were now locked onto Sanji as he slowly made his way into the galley. He didn’t say anything as he kneeled to sit beside his cook. “You hurt yourself?” The strawhat finally spoke as he scooped Sanji’s larger hands, as if they were a national treasure. They were to Luffy. Sanji’s hands were something someone would put their life on the line for. Countries would fight over. Men would kill for, or at least, that’s what Luffy told Sanji once when they were on one of their midnight snack runs. Luffy examined the other’s hands, eyes scanning over large shards of ceramic wedged in between perfect skin. Sanji’s hands were bleeding, and he was too dazed to fully realize it.
The tears kept falling as Sanji desperately tried to hide himself from the younger one. He knew once Luffy started asking him about what happened, he couldn’t lie. Luffy was dumb but he wasn't stupid. He was actually exceptionally perceptive, especially with Sanji and he hated that. Hated that someone who could read him so well existed. He could never hide anything from Luffy even if he tried. Not during their fight, not during their reunion and definitely not now.
“Sanji…talk to me please. What happened?” And there it goes, the question he was dreading the most. Sanji weakly tried pulling his hands from Luffy to no avail as Luffy was now holding onto his wrists with one hand. He used his free hand to lift Sanji’s chin, forcing him to look up. Sanji stared into big brown orbs, it’s as if Luffy was actually a cat. His eyes wide with concern, concern that was directed towards him. Concern that filled Sanji with this ever growing warmth, concern that wrapped Sanji like a warm blanket on a cold winter day. Sanji opened his mouth to speak, but the words never got the invitation. What was he supposed to say? ‘Sorry for kicking your ass (literally) and basically calling you worse than dirt.’ ‘Sorry for being useless and not communicating because I hate myself and can never be happy.’ Those are all things that came to his mind but he didn’t say them. So what was he supposed to say?
“Sanji,” Luffy pleaded. “Sanji, I just wanna talk to you. You can tell me anything. Just speak.” Luffy now had Sanji’s hands in his, as he slowly picked out the pieces of ceramic. Sanji hissed with every shard that was removed. Luffy was gentle, uncharacteristically so as he placed the blooded pieces of plate on the side. Luffy got up momentarily to grab a bowl of water and a clean rag, returning to care for the cuts in Sanji’s hands. Sanji chuckled, sniffling away the tears that were still falling from his face. “You’re pretty good at this huh?” He asked, watching as the other carefully blotted his wounds. Luffy let out his signature ‘shishishi’, looking up to meet Sanji’s eyes. “Mhm. I used to fix myself up after fights with Ace.” Luffy gave his cook one of those smiles. The type that could blind you if you look too long.
Luffy finished cleaning the blood off Sanji’s hands, adding a couple colored bandages over the cuts. Sanji looked down and admired how well Luffy took care of him. His captain wasn't done though and he brought both of his hands to his lips, softly kissing the palms. “All better! Now Sanji will definitely heal faster!” Luffy chuckled out, proud of his work. Sanji sat frozen, unable to process what just happened. The tears dried up as his cheeks were heating up. Was he dreaming? Maybe his panic attack was so bad he started hallucinating? Sanji’s lip trembled as he felt another wave of tears well up in his eyes. Luffy truly did care about him. Well, he cared about everyone, but he’s never seen Luffy do this with anyone else. Be sickeningly gentle, be incredibly patient. This wasn’t the normal Luffy, just one he got to see. Just a Luffy all for himself.
After an achingly long silence, Sanji spoke up, “Captain.” Luffy cocked his head to the side in response. “Can I be selfish?” And Luffy only looked more confused, as if the answer was as clear as day. Then he smiled, “Of course Sanji. You’re a pirate. We’re supposed to be selfish.”
And with that, Sanji closed the distance, placing his lips on Luffy’s. The kiss wasn’t perfect, but it was pure. It held all of Sanji’s feelings, everything he couldn’t say. All the bottled up ‘I’m sorry’s, all the unaired ‘I love you’s, all the necessary ‘I need you’s. Luffy still held onto Sanji’s hands and gave them a slight squeeze as if to signal the continuation of their kiss. So Sanji continued, tilting his head to the side and biting gently at Luffy’s bottom lip. It felt like hours before they pulled away from each other. Luffy finally let Sanji’s hands go to place both his hands on the side of his face. He wiped Sanji’s tears from his face, softly caressing his cheeks. “Sanji, never leave me again, okay?”
“Okay captain.”
“Promise, please.”
“I promise Luffy.”
“Okay good, because I can’t be Pirate King without you. I need you.”
And Sanji felt that. He felt needed. He felt all the things he thought he would never feel. And it was all because of Luffy.