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The blade was cool, sharper than the other blades he had used before, but still probably not sharp enough to get the results he wanted. He imagined the blood would flow freely, pretty red rivers, like it would in movies, but it was only dribbled out, pathetically, clotting in places. Ichimatsu gripped the box cutter tightly, and pressed harder, making a new line on his marred arm, this time it was deeper than the previous ones, and he grinned to himself, in self satisfaction, enjoying the slight spark of pain.
It felt powerful, and he wished he could force it deeper and deeper, picturing the entirety of his blood draining out and himself dying. It was a morbidly delicious thought, he closed his eyes, and pictured it, everyone crying around his corpse. The woman who had muttered something in disgust to him at the store yesterday, when he had been to awkward to respond to her, she would find out he died, and her eyes would go wide with horror. Osomatsu would regret ever taking his snacks. Totty would cry realizing the last thing he ever said to his brother was that he was disgusting. Karamatsu would finally stop smiling. Everyone would cry. Ichimatsu knew he was rotten to the core, as if his flesh was melting into something black and putrid, and if you just cut deep enough, everything would flow out.
Thinking this way, feeling this way, Ichimatsu knew was disgusting, broken and wrong. But that was just further proof, proof of his own wrongness, how he should be erased from existence, and even if he did vanish, there were five others who shared his face, who, despite all their faults could at least interact with people without wanting to die. He was so envious of them, of how they were better than him, envious of the whole world. He deserved his own self loathing, his own suffering, it was all proof that he was completely horrible person and deserved all the horrible things that happen to him. Ichimatsu was crying, clear snot, and stinging tears, hot and bitter. He cut more on his arms, no longer feeling satisfied, but still, he clung to the good feeling of pain, and the power that came with control over your own flesh.
There was a crash, and Jyuushimatsu's baseball bat rolled into the wall, littered with dents of many happy baseball games. Ichimatsu foze, bloody blade still in hand, which he quickly tried to discard, as fear and disgust flooded his senses.
"Ichimatsu-Niisan?" Jyuushi's eyes were wide, "What're you doing?" His hands were covered, as they always were, by his soft yellow sleeves, and he pulled gently on his brother's arms, holding them up. He inspected them with a concerned look, and Ichimatsu felt like he would die when he heard Jyuushimatsu say, "It hurts, if you do this."
"It's fine," Ichimatsu tried to pull his arms away, but found he couldn't overpower Jyuuhsimatsu's strong, yet careful grasp.
Jyuushimatsu let go of his brother's arm, "You're lying, Ichimatsu-Nisan," he picked up the boxcutter that Ichi had tried to discard, and held it up, "It hurts. I can show you." He yanked down the sweater sleeve, showing his own arm, which would've been identical to Ichimatsu's own, if it weren't as muscular as it was, showing off all the baseball and exercise Jyuushimatsu got regularly.
"Jyuushi? What're you-" Ichimatsu's confusion was cut off, and he screamed as Jyuushimatsu pressed the blade against his arm, and cut deeply, blood flowing down his arm, and tears running down his face.
"It hurts! It hurts a lot!" Jyuushimatsu sobbed, "It's very painful!" He picked up Ichimatsu's hand, and held it too his chest, "And it hurts here, too, and it hurts me, too, to see you hurting." He pulled Ichimatsu's body close to his own, and, kissed the arm he was still holding, staining his lips red, and turned and kissed the injuries on the other arm. "I love you," Jyuushimatsu continued, "I love you," he began to stroke the mess of Ichimatsu's dark hair, "We all love you, so please," he said, still crying a little, "Please don't hurt yourself alone."
Ichimatsu cried softly, burying his head into Jyuushi's chest, feeling like lost kitten who'd finally found a warm bed. "I love you," he mumbled out, his voice somewhat muffled by the fabric.
"I'll get you bandaids tomorrow!" Jyuushimatsu's spoke again, "Those cute ones, with Hello Kitty-Chan on them!"
Ichimatsu laughed, still buried against the one holding him tightly, as Jyuushimatsu laid down. They laid together on the floor for a long time, Jyuushimatsu continuing to stroke his hair, occasionally stopping to kiss him on his forehead. Their clothes were stained with blood, and their hearts were full of love.