Work Text:
Her limbs were aching constantly and the cold weather wasn't helping with it any bit. But at the end, it was her fault that she was in this state to begin with as her plan was pretty rushed and the fact that Hiyoko barged in so suddenly almost put her through a cardiac arrest. Never the matter, she managed to take care of that... nuisance. The adrenalin on the other hand didn't seem like it was going away anytime soon. İt was a good thing that others weren't seeing how hideous she looked with her blood soaked bandages and widened eyes and pale skin and starving stomach and...
Just when she was just a few steps away from the crime scene, a hysteric laughter burst out of her. She fell down on her knees and her body commenced shivering from the cold. İt was surprisingly breezy and chill despite it being an island, one could have easily mistaken it for a continental climate. Well, it wasn't real anyway so it was kinda logical for it the weather to be contridicting. All these thoughts were pretty pointless, now that she thought about it.
What was she doing? Wasting time having a meaningless breakdown when she needed to get a hold of herself otherwise the killer would stick out like a sore thumb and the sacrifice would be for nothing. Her beloved... She knew deep down that they would never meet alive again. She was dead after all and maybe Mikan was too, after all nobody knew what was going on or how they ended up in this videogame simulation in the first place. But she didn't want to think about it, Junko certainly knew what she was doing and it must have been for the best. She promised not to shed any tear after her, it was supposed to be for the best... Yet, here she was crying her eyes out like a baby at the mere possibility that she might forget her warm embrace. İt wasn't gentle in the slightest but it was the only time that someone even bothered to touch her, at least more than her мамочка ever did.
İt was pathetic really, she couldn't stay there craddling on the dirt floor but she didn't have anywhere to go neither. She had a promise to keep that she would never try harming herself since that would only prevent her from spreading despair and she didn't want that. She could never want to fail her after being given a chance despite all her flaws and she managed to conceal this utterly horrible feeling of longing but ever since the mentally exhausting scene in the bathroom that unfolded a few hours ago yet it still felt like it has only been 10 minutes. Not to mention how unfazed she was about the whole killing her friends thing but considering the fact that she reverted back to her despaired self, it wouldn't come as a surprise. Her body have already started withering away and it wouldn't be long before she wasted this one as well, it wasn't that much of a problem tho since her time in this place was limited and the next day would be her last in here no matter the outcome of the trial.
She raised her head to look around for a bit and inspect her self as well. The island was as dark as always with the light of the sun which was reflected by the moon being the only source of any brightness around here. The waves were getting on top of each other, forming white foams around which was a bit loud but... Also very calming. The sound of the water pouring down always made her feel at peace ever since she could remember, whether it be while watching ducks on a lake or during a storm in which the water poured down like a faucet. The only thing she liked more than rain was snow, the cold always helped her recollect herself and made her feel alive. Her mother would often forget to pick her up from school when she was just in elementary and this caused her to find pathways to walk back home. During the times that she was tired during midwalk, she would walk down a around a 100 meters down to a nearby lake. The surface was almost always frozen since the weather was extremely harsh in the place she lived but the sight of the cute pacific loons walking on the surface and splashing water while trying to catch the fresh fish amused her. Their feathers looked so thick yet also so fluffy and she wished that she would stroke one of them someday, maybe even have some as an adorable pet when she moved away from her family. That however was merely the wish of a naive child and nothing more, just like how she once believed that their family could be fixed. İt wasn't possible while they were alive... But the thought that one day flowers would grow out of their graves thus finding peace for the first time during their whole existence gave her reassurance. Maybe... That was the only way for her to as well.
Her eyes began watering down like a child contradicting the cold blooded murderer that ended the lived of her two best friends less than an hour ago. All the horrible monstrosities she committed, all the sacrifices she made... İt was all for her beloved but the fact that she might not even be here to see everything she had done for her was just painful, no satisfaction, no sick enjoyment, nothing. She couldn't feel anything beyond that dread and the painful urge to unalive herself came back stronger than ever. She gazed upon the wounds that were still looking fresh, she could have just killed herself then and there in the bathroom alas used her last willpower to do something meaningful for her beloved for the last time but her lover never being able too see all this just made her feel so full of despair. The kind of despair that she felt during her middle school years, contemplating about doing things to herself with the rope that her classmates hopped on. İt was all in the past, she should have moved on from all of this already. She managed to run away and even won Hope's Peak Academy, the school specially for talented teenagers like her. The place that changed her life for better and worse. Everything got better, thinking back to all this was literal nonsense.
"Я... Я хочу сдохнуть." she managed to say in a whisper with tears running down her reddened cheeks while waiting for this emotional moment to pass without taking another irrational decision, her beloved wouldn't like that. She hugged her legs, imagining her stuffed bunny in her arms and closed her eyes while the gentle breeze helped calm her heart rate down to normal levels. Now, the only thing left was to sleep and fix her appearance before anybody would see her in the morning.
The night passed away so quickly as if nothing had happened at all during that time. Only she and a familiar bear knew what happened during that time, well not that she had seen it directly but she could easily feel it's presence ominiously looming over her. Of course it would know, it was aware of everything they would do. Maybe Junko was seeing her too... No, stop the thought. She had to check up on the remaining patients before others woke up as well. İt was a miracle that she even managed to wake up during the sun rise at all after the exhaustion but the floor probably wasn't the most comfortable place to sleep on but it gave her time to clean her wounds and fix her appearance which was rather... nice. İt boosted her self esteem a bit, made her feel attractive, even fuckable one could say. She checked up the clock on the wall to see how much time was left before the final shift started.
"7 A.M., there is still some time..." she muttered under her breath.
Just when she was walking on her tip toes, a door creeked revealing a rather... tall, strong looking figure. Yet despite the tough exterior and body build, she seemed to be in shambles psychologically. Her eyes were all puffed up from crying and her hospital gown was drenched with her tears and nose's leftovers. Her voice was shaky just like her hands, Mikan knew that Akane noticed her but still hoped she would leave her alone.
"M-mikan?" Mikan turned towards her while trying to keep herself together.
"Um, is there a problem Akane?"
"I..." she gulped back her saliva while trying not to have one of her cry-overs. "I have a problem, c-can you p-please help?"
"... Sure." she responded in the most unenthusiastic way possible. Great, was she going to talk about another one of her nightmares again? Or better yet, about how she felt sooo miserable lately. No shit, as if everyone was so happy in the first place. She still complied to her request tho since she was her patient and she was responsible with taking care of her. They both sat down and Mikan nodded at her to signal Akane that she could speak.
"I... I have been thinking horrible thoughts lately. Even so, ı saw it in my nightmare yesterday. I can't take it... İt's so painful, p-please help m-me!" she said while beginning her usual sobbing session again.
"Akane, you already told me about your 'nightmares' 3 times prior to this. This will all go away once you heal back, ı can't help you if you keep refusing to cooperate with me like this." she said in a very monotone yet cruel voice. İt was clear that she was annoyed by Akane which only made her feel more invalidated.
"I u-understand..." she said while soobing.
"I... I just t-thought that you would understand. You a-always do."
"... What happened?" she said. İt felt wrong to leave her patient like this, especially when they had that naive hope. İt almost felt like talking to a child.
"I m-miss my siblings." she said while looking down on the floor with agony.
"We all miss our loved ones." she said sternly.
"İt isn't just that... I worry about them."
"These feelings are all normal, Akane. Did you not take your pills again?"
"I did! I just..."
"You what? Akane, did you bring me here to waste my time? I... I have been working non-stop and you just make my work harder for me! I CAN'T EVEN TAKE CARE OF MY SELF BECAUSE I HAVE TO CHECK UP ON YOU!" she lashed out. She wasn't even angry at her but rather herself and was channeling that anger towards a weaker object in which case so happened to be Akane.
"I..." she was startled by her caregiver's adverse reaction and grimaced. There was only silence for about a minute before Mikan spoke up again.
"İf you don't have any more problems, ı will be taking my leave."
"I'm s-sorry" Akane said with tears. Mikan turned back to say something but Akane already guessed what it was before it came out of her mouth.
"For everything. All ı did was making things harder for everybody, ı am not smart nor ı am useful but ı was strong... very in fact." she sat up a bit, excited to tell this tale of herself, her life.
"My siblings... They loved juggling, hell they would 'fiercely' attack me like cubs jumping on to their lion father." she chuckled a bit for the first time ever since her sickness had started. Mikan sat back down by that point as Akane seemed a bit carried away with the story.
"Our parents came here when ı was just 3 years old, attempting to create a new life to themselves in this whole new country that they were unfamiliar with. But it wasn't easy, we were in the rural coast and their English or Japanese wasn't good at all which made it almost impossible to find a job. My dad finally got hired as a janitor but the money wasn't enough for all of us yet my parents still refused to abort because of their religious belief. I love all my siblings but ı wish they didn't have to go through such poverty."
"What... happened next?" she asked, a bit inquisitive about what was coming next.
"I worked hard, ı couldn't understand math nor other difficult subjects but ı studied hard on my languages just so that ı could find a job to support my family. I was hired as a waitress, they would give me tips in exchange for things ı don't... want to mention. But seeing the joy in my brother's face when ı got him ice cream was priceless, it made my exhaustion worth it. Yet, my search for work lead me to places ı never expected it to be."
"My coach saw my athletic potential and decided to train me, he is the reason ı got accepted to Hope's Peak. A school ı never even thought that ı would go to one day, especially as an immigrant. İt was a dream come true... but it also lead me to leave my siblings behind. I tried my hardest to visit them as often as ı could but my resources were very tight and none of them blamed me for going after this oppurtunity... but ı did. I still blame myself to this day."
"İf ı was just there for him... " she said while tears started showing up on her eyes. "He would still be alive! I should have noticed the signs, should have stayed with him, should have peotected him! My little bear... Oh, w-what have they done to you?" she started crying after looking stable for quite some time.
"What's the use of my muscles if ı can't protect them!? I love them all so much, they are my whole world yet ı can't even notice their problems! I'm a horrible sister, a lazy friend and a terrible patient. I disappoint everyone who trusts me, ı nothing but an idiot who can't even help herself. Why would anyone care if ı'm gone at this point, ı'm so tired. I always give my best yet it's never enough, ı am not enough. I can't take it anymore, I... I JUST WİSH I WAS ENOUGH"
Akane started sobbing like usual but this time, it was finally clear why she was crying. The disease didn't make her cry, it caused her to remember every memory she concealed in which caused her to cry. Under that dumb looking, funnyish person was someone who was afraid of many things that used that humour to cover it up.
Mikan didn't relate much until the end but something stuck to her like a knife piercing her right in the heart. She knew the feeling of not being enough, no matter how hard she tried. Even when somebody finally loved her, she still couldn't be enough for them. She couldn't keep her alive, she couldn't protect her, she couldn't save her. Why... Why would anyone love her if her own parents didn't? She didn't like seeing Akane without her despaired self but some part of her refused to stand by and watch somebody else suffer the way she did.
"Hey..." she said in a sweet yet tender tone, it wasn't meek but was definitely comforting. She got closer a bit and looked her in the eyes
"Akane, you aren't a failure. From everything you said, it seemed more like a sister who would sacrifice everything for her loved ones and care deeply for the people around her rather than a foul. İt... İt wasn't your fault that you were raised in such conditions. You were just a child, just like them. İt shouldn't have been your responsibility to take care of your family in the first place. You did everything you could for them, loved them unconditionally and never blamed your poverty on them. What life could be sweeter than a life in which you're loved and ı can see that they had plenty to last them for a lifetime."
"I... But ı wasn't there to help him. I didn't notice the signs!"
"He may have still had the same fate even if you helped him and maybe... he lived this long thanks to you. He must have loved you very much, just look at all the friends you made here since the time you came up here! You stuck around for so long despite not having any back up, do you really want to stop now? I don't think so, the Akane ı know would pierce through this hardships with a smile and this time you won't be alone."
Akane started wiping her eyes despite knowing she would tear up again but this time, she hugged Mikan. Not too tight but enough to feel comforted with Mikan recopricating the hug. They stayed like that for a few minutes since Mikan didn't intervene. İt was pretty funny tho because this hug was supposed to calm Akane down yet it affected Mikan even more which was the reason why she couldn't end it. Thankfully, Akane backed away to give her some space but not before saying a few things.
"Thanks, Mikan. I had gone through really though times during my sickness but you must have been even more exhausted since you had to take care of us. I feel like ı wasn't appreciative enough about that, ı shouldn't have burdened you so much that you screamed." she chuckled uneasily to brighten the mood.
"...No, it was unfitting for me to lash out on you like that. I wasn't furious at you, really. İt was something else, you shouldn't have seen that."
"You really are a sweetheart, even when you were angry you still waited to hear me out. We may both have flaws but... I believe that we are both decent people just born into unlucky situations, especially you."
She blushed a little at the compliment, it felt warm... yet comfy at the same time. Their eyes met and for a moment the world seemed a little more tolerable. She wanted to let this scene continue on like that but there was a body to be discovered and oh well... She could always make her forget this ever happened. After all, she could have just been another trashbag making up a sob story to gain sympathy.
She got up from her chair and stopped smiling at her. She later on walked towards the door and turned her head a bit to Akane one last time with her back facing against her. She had a smile again but this one felt rather odd to the brunette girl that was still sitting on her bed as she wasn't completely healed yet. Her blush, her eyes, her skin... İt changed so quickly in the span of a few seconds that it was impressive. She said her last words before exiting the room without giving Akane a chance to speak.
"You may be right about one thing but that wasn't me. Have a good rest Akane, you'll need it"