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As Will waited at the swingset, his fingers were shaking with anxiety. Why am I so nervous? He thought. It’s just Mike. He scoffed to himself, shaking his head. Who am I kidding? That’s exactly why.
He saw Mike coming over the hill and immediately reached up and adjusted his hair. His new haircut, which he had finally convinced his mom to get him a week ago, suddenly felt like an oversized helmet that, no matter what you did, wouldn’t stay on properly. Suddenly, his shoes felt too big, his clothes felt too small, and his arms felt awkward at his sides.
“Hey, Will!” Mike yelled across the field, waving his hand. Will looked like he was glowing. His hair, which was usually a clean circle around his head, was wavy and fancy. Mike realized he was staring and blinked. He cleared his throat, adjusted his sweater, and started walking across the field toward Will.
“Hey, Mike!” Will called back. His voice seemed wrong. Should I wave back too? Or would that seem like I’m copying Mike? But if I don’t wave, will I seem mean? What is happening to me? Why am I like this? His hand did an awkward little flop. He put it back down by his side, embarrassed. Mike wasn’t even looking at him. He sat back down on his swing and Mike sat on the one next to him.
Mike was staring at the ground, not looking up into Will’s face. Will looked so different these days. He used to be so pale, but he’d gotten a tan in California, and he had these new freckles, and the ways his eyes seemed to shine…
No. Stop, Will would never look at him again if he kept thinking that stuff. He deserves so much better. The perfect girl. Not him, the “freak.” The “queer.” He couldn’t stand thinking about Will turning away from him, leaving him. He knew that if he looked up into Will’s sparkling eyes, he could never look away.
The sun was setting in front of them, filling the sky with beautiful shades of yellow and blue.
“Sorry for calling you all the way out here,” Will muttered, avoiding staring into Mike’s face. His eyes found one of the green diamonds on his sweater vest. Mike doesn’t even want to be here. He’s probably missing something with El right now. What am I doing? Thanks a lot, Robin, talking me into this. What was she thinking? “I just needed a place to talk.”
“That’s okay,” said Mike, sounding slightly concerned. He knew that voice. He could never stand to hear Will talk like this. Something was wrong. He forced himself to look up into Will’s eyes. They were so bright, the yellows and blues of the sunset bouncing off them, so beautiful…
He blinked and started talking again. “Are you okay, Will? You seem… stressed.”
Will turned away from him for a moment and turned to face the setting sun. “Yeah. Well, no. I’m not okay. Not really. Ever since we came back to Hawkins a year ago, I…It’s just that…All these memories are coming back and…”
“Of when you were in the Upside Down, you mean?” Mike interrupted.
“Well, those memories never really went away,” Will said, chuckling nervously.
“Well, what memories?” Mike said, curiously, turning towards Will on his swing. “Like the ‘Now Memories’ with the Mindflayer?”
“No, not like that. They’re not memories, exactly, they’re feelings,” he said hesitantly. They’ve always been there, but this year… I’ve…I’ve realized that I can’t hold them in anymore. I…I…I can’t find the words! Why can’t I just can’t say it? What’s wrong with me?!” Will screamed up into the night sky. Mike stared at him, genuinely worried.
“Will, it’s okay,” he whispered, putting his hand on Will’s shoulder. “You can talk to me, just take your time.”
Will’s whole body seemed to fill with courage at Mike’s touch, but it was almost immediately replaced with shame. He wanted Mike to see what he felt, how much Mike meant to him, but he couldn’t. Mike would never look at him the same again, but he took a deep breath and started again. “These… feelings inside of me, they’ve always been there, but my brain just won’t let me say them. And it’s scaring me. Like I’m not in control of them. It feels so wrong.”
Mike felt as though he was on the edge of a precipice. He often felt that way, too, he just thought he was the only one. Are we feeling the same thing? He felt a small glimmer of hope.
“You’re scared of your own feelings?” Mike blurted out. Right after he said it, he felt like hitting himself. “You’re scared of your own feelings?” That sounded so inconsiderate! Why would I say that?
“Yes!” Will said, so glad someone finally understood. His whole body was filled with that hope again and he was sure Mike would be able to see it spilling out of him. He felt like he was… glowing.
Mike looked up into Will’s eyes and saw what Will meant. At least, he thought he did. It was as though his brain and his heart were in a ferocious battle, trying to see what Will truly felt. Is it possible? Is he like me?
“I always thought they were the kind of feelings that no one should say aloud,” Will continued. “But ever since I met Robin, I -”
In a moment of reckless abandon, Mike swung toward Will and kissed him.
Will’s world seemed to explode with color, like he’d been looking at the world through tinted glass until now, or like a fantastic firework flown through the air, filling the world with color. He saw the colors of the sunset in such excruciating detail, that it seemed to blind him for a few seconds.
Everything was silent.
Like the whole world decided to stand still to let them have this moment.
Michael Wheeler was kissing him.
MICHAEL FUCKING WHEELER WAS KISSING HIM.
He was so shocked, he didn’t know how to react.
Mike pulled away and looked into those shining eyes he loved so much. He saw shock in Will’s eyes.
He wasn’t talking about me.
He was talking about Robin.
Of course, he was. Who wouldn’t? She’s funny and sweet and compassionate.
Why would he be talking about me?
How can he look at me, now that he knows what I am?
Why would I do that? I fucked it up.
The one good thing I had in this life, and I ruined it.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
He quickly moved his swing back into its original position and turned away from Will, his eyes burning with unshed tears.
“I’m sorry. I’m so, so, so, sorry,” Mike mumbled, and tears started to fall down his face as he buried it in his hands. His words came out in muffled sobs. “That was so stupid! I shouldn’t have done that. I just thought maybe…”
Will stood up and knelt in front of Mike, staring into his face. He put his hands on either side of Mike’s face and kissed him. Even after pulling away, his hands stayed there.
“Mike, it’s okay. It’s okay, Mike. I think you just found the words I was looking for. Robin’s one of us, too. She’s been helping me realize that I’m not wrong. We’re not wrong. We’ll be okay, Mike. Look, now I’m the one saying it. I think you’re finally starting to rub off on me, Wheeler.” Mike looked up and stared at him, confused. Then, he suddenly burst out into laughter.
Will grabbed Mike’s collar and pulled him into a kiss. Tears started welling up in Mike’s eyes again, but this time, he was happy.
He was happier than he ever had been in his entire life.