Chapter Text
Taking a deep breath, Morgan leaned his head back against the plane wall and scrubbed a hand across his face. His eyes snapped open when his phone beeped, but when it wasn’t her number, he flipped it shut without reading it.
“Everything alright?” Hotch asked, keeping his voice soft to avoid catching the rest of the team’s attention. Reid was asleep on the couch, Agent Todd was flipping through a stack of files, and Rossi and Morgan were playing a card game.
Derek glanced at his watch. Ten minutes. There’s no way I’m going to make it . “Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine. Just ready to be home.”
“It was a long case,” Hotch agreed, though his voice was skeptical.
Morgan’s only response was a soft grunt, his mind spinning in too many circles to say more. The case really didn’t last much longer than normal, but it was long enough for Morgan to miss Eleanor’s MRI, and it looked like he’d miss the appointment to discuss the results, as well. Of course, just like always, she’d understood— “I knew what I signed up for when we stat ed dating,” she’d told him over the phone last night—but he doubted he’d ever not feel guilty when work kept him away.
Mostly, though, he was worried, and he knew she was scared, too. And he hated that he wasn’t there to support her for whatever the doctor says.
Maybe he’d make her dinner tonight. He doubted she’d been eating much other than pasta and freezer meals while he’d been gone, and restaurants drained her limited energy so quickly. He could stop at the store on his way back and pick up some things to make the pork chops she liked so much, and by the time she got home and took a nap, he’d have dinner ready.
“Morgan?” Hotch’s voice captured his attention again, and Derek turned to see his boss’ brow furrowed in concern. “What’s really going on? You haven’t heard a word I said, and you were out of it the whole case.” He cut off Morgan’s protest with a wave of his hand. “I’m not saying you didn’t do good work out there, because we both know I would’ve pulled you out of the field if anything had impacted your work, but you were distracted. Now you’re checking your phone every five minutes, and every time you get a text you’re disappointed when it isn’t whatever you’re waiting for.”
“What happened to not profiling team members?”
Hotch’s gaze stayed steady. “It’s not profiling when it’s this obvious.” He sighed when Derek didn’t respond. “You don’t have to tell me, but I hope you know that you can.”
“Thanks, Hotch,” said Morgan, but he didn’t elaborate; he wouldn’t know where to start.
It had been almost a year, and Garcia was the only one who even knew about Eleanor. At first, he didn’t want to involve her with the team until he knew they were serious, but then her health started going downhill and he didn’t want to overwhelm her. The moment they knew, they’d be all but demanding to meet her, and Derek knew Eleanor: she wanted to meet them, too, so she’d put on a good show, but she’d pay for it for days afterwards.
He wanted her to know the team, but he also wanted to protect her.
Besides, they’d agreed she’d join him when the team went out for drinks close to New Year’s.
The rest of the flight passed in silence, and before he knew it, the team was filling out their case reports back at the office. He was halfway through his when his phone beeped.
”Home. Going 2 take a nap. Love you.”
His heart sank at the lack of enthusiasm in her message, but he typed out a quick response.
“See you soon, baby. Need anything from the store?”
Ignoring the responding chime, Derek finished up his report, dropped it off at Hotch’s office, and made his way out, detouring to see Garcia.
“Hey baby girl,” he said. “How’s my best girl?”
Penelope spun her chair towards him, a teasing grin on her face. “As much as I appreciate the flattery, hot stuff, we both know your best girl is someone else.”
Morgan chuckled as he took a seat. “In that case, how’s my favorite technical analyst?”
“She’s glad there’s one less killer on the streets.” She arched a brow. “She’s also surprised you’re still here.”
He drummed his fingers along the back of his chair with a sigh. “Ellie texted and said she was taking a nap, so I figured I’d come see you before heading home. I think I might stop and pick up stuff for those pork chops she likes so much.”
“I think that sounds like a marvelous idea.” Penelope’s smile slipped. “I checked in on her a couple times while you were gone—it’s good you’re back.”
Something in Derek’s chest tightened, the pit in his stomach growing. “She’s not doing well?”
“She says she’s fine and she never asked me for anything—though I brought her some soup and flowers anyway—but she seemed a bit more down than normal.”
Morgan scrubbed a hand up and down his face. “Thanks, Garcia; it helps to know you’re here when I’m gone.”
“Anytime, hot stuff. Seeing her is always the highlight of my day. Honestly, I’ll never understand how you convinced her to date you.”
“You and me both.” He stood and took a deep breath. “I better get going. We’ll have you over soon, alright?”
“I can’t wait,” she agreed, but before Derek had taken two steps she stopped him with a hand on his arm. “Make sure you’re taking care of yourself, too, okay? I’m worried about both of you.”
Derek gave her a half-smile. “I’ll be good as new as soon as Eleanor gets answers.”
…
The house was still quiet when he got home, so Morgan put away the groceries and made his way to their bedroom as softly as possible. Eleanor was fast asleep under a pile of blankets, the cord of her heating pad trailing down the side of the bed. He watched her for a moment, silently wishing she might actually wake up refreshed for once.
After he showered and changed into joggers and a t-shirt, Derek opened the bathroom door and stepped back inside their room. Ellie turned over at the sound, both her smile and voice drunk with sleep.
“Hi.”
“Hey, pretty lady.” As worried as he was, his entire body relaxed in her presence; something in her softened everything in him. He slipped into bed next to her, pressing a kiss to each of her hands, her lips, and then the top of her head. “How was the appointment?”
Eleanor groaned in response, closing her eyes and burrowing deeper into his hold. “Can we talk about that later? I’m not awake enough yet.”
If Derek could take her pain from her, he would—he’d take every last symptom without complaint—but since he couldn’t, he would hold her and hope it might be enough.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” he said after a while.
Ellie stayed quiet at first, and Derek waited, letting her tired brain process his apology and consider her response. “I love you for wanting to be there, but I knew who you were when we started dating, and I knew you would miss things. I wish you would stop beating yourself up for it.”
Derek made a noncommittal noise, and she sighed, pulling back some to look him in the eye and place one hand on each side of his face.
“Derek, you save lives. I am so ridiculously proud of you, and I wish you could be proud of yourself.”
Derek chewed his bottom lip. It wasn’t that he wasn’t proud of his work, because he was, he just sometimes wondered what good it was if he couldn’t help the one person who mattered most. “I love my job, but I would trade all of it if I could just help you.”
Ellie pressed a lazy kiss to his lips. “You’re the best man I know, you know that?”
“Well then I guess we’re perfect for each other, because you’re the best woman I know,” he said. “Do pork chops sound good? I stopped at the store on my way home.”
“Or we could just stay in bed.”
Morgan laughed, tapped her side, and pulled himself away despite her groan of protest as she closed her eyes and reached out to the empty space he left behind. “Uh-uh, you need food. I’m guessing you lived off crap and the soup Garcia brought while I was gone, so a solid meal tonight is non-negotiable.”
“Thank you,” she said, the sheets rustling as she rolled over to keep him in view as he made his way around the bed. “I’ll be out in a bit.”
“No rush,” Derek told her, bending to kiss her one more time, his thumb swiping along her cheek as he pulled away. “I’ll bring dinner to you if you’re not up before I finish.”
Derek was almost ready to put the pork chops on the pan when he heard footsteps padding across the floor. Moments later, a familiar pair of arms wrapped around his body.
“I thought I might bake some cookies while you make dinner,” Eleanor said, even as her body sagged against his back.
Derek paused his work to place his hands over hers, closing his eyes and reveling in the closeness after being away. “Last time I checked that’s an offer I’ve never turned down.”
She pulled away to grab the ingredients, each of her movements slow and intentional. “How was the case?”
“It was fine.” The pan sizzled as he dropped two porkchops into the butter and oil. “I taught Reid how to get a date.”
“Oh?” Ellie winced as she attempted to lift herself onto the countertop by the mixer. Derek hands settled on her waist before she could try again, sitting her down and stealing a kiss once he was confident she was steady.
“Yeah, now he just needs to apply those skills closer to home.”
“He will when he’s ready—just like how quickly you became interested in committed relationships.”
“ A committed relationship,” Derek corrected. “Only with you. What about you? How was work?”
She smiled as she started adding the dry ingredients to the butter and sugar. “The kids are all doing really well; we’re at the part of the semester where I’ve gotten most of the skeptics excited about class.”
“I definitely would’ve enjoyed English a whole lot more if my teacher looked like you,” he joked, catching her eye with a wink. “Actually, I don’t think there’s a single class I wouldn’t have enjoyed more without you.”
Her laughter lifted some of the weight from his shoulders. “Flattery will get you everywh—”
Dropping the finished porkchops onto a plate, he cut off her sentence with a kiss. One of his hands slid to her hip to pull her closer to him, while his other turned off the mixer. Ellie tasted like the cookie dough she was mixing, and he savored the flavor; no matter what, she always tasted like home.
Once he finally pulled himself away, he rested his head against hers, her arms draped around his shoulders. “I missed you.”
“I missed you, too.” He could hear the smile in her voice. “My Superman, saving the world one case at a time, but always flying back home to me.”
Unable to resist, Derek kissed her jaw. “Always, baby.” He stepped back then, not trusting himself not to lose himself in her again. Sometimes he thought he might understand addicts, because he was certainly addicted to her. “Dinner’s ready once your cookies are done.”
She stirred in the chocolate chips while he dished up the plates. “Speaking of work, I got picked as a chaperone for the Quantico field trip Monday. Vanessa roped me into it; I think she didn’t want to be stuck without another female.”
“You gonna tell the kids all about your hot-shot FBI profiler boyfriend?”
Eleanor laughed. “Oh yes, I’m sure it would be incredibly professional of me to spend the whole tour talking about my love life.”
Derek grinned and helped her off the counter, He took their plates to the living room while she put the dough in the fridge, and he waited till they were both a few bites in before to bring up her appointment.
“Alright, I think it’s pretty obvious by now that it didn’t go well, but you ready to tell me how it did go?”
Dropping his gaze, Ellie pushed her food around her plate and slowly chewed another bite. “What if I am crazy? What if this is all in my head?”
“ What ?” Derek asked, sitting up straight.
“What if all the doctors are right? How many tests need to come back normal before we accept that I’m—” she hesitated, fumbling for words as her voice cracked, “that I’m wrong?”
“Hey, hey, look at me.” Derek set his plate on the end table, scooting forward on the couch to be closer to her. Once he’d grabbed her plate and dropped it next to his, he tilted her head towards him. “You are not crazy. Do you hear me? You are not crazy, and you are not wrong.”
Eleanor’s lip quivered, tears racing down her cheeks. “You’re biased, Derek, you—”
“I’m a profiler, remember? I think I would know if my girlfriend was crazy.” His thumb swiped across her cheeks. “What exactly did he say?”
She closed her eyes and pressed into his hold; Derek waited, letting her gather her thoughts. “My MRI was clear and all my labs were normal, so he said I’m either imagining it because I’m anxious or I’m making it up because I want more attention. His professional recommendation was to find a therapist, but his personal one was to get married and have a baby because apparently stepping into ‘a proper woman’s role’ will make me feel more fulfilled.”
Derek clenched and unclenched his jaw, careful not to tighten his grip on her. Gentleness—she deserves my gentleness. “He’s wrong. He may have a medical degree, but you know your body better than he does. Don’t you dare let him inside your head.”
“I don’t know how much longer I can do this, Derek,” Eleanor said, leaning forward and burying her face in his neck.
He gathered her hair in one hand and slipped his other into the roots, massaging her head while his shirt grew damp with her tears. “I’ll talk to Hotch tomorrow, get him to switch me to a desk job so I can be in-town to take off whatever days I need for your appointments. I’m not going to make you do this alone anymore.”
“This doctor was an asshole, but you being here wouldn’t have changed that.”
“Maybe not, but at least I could’ve been here to support you.”
She shook her head against his chest. “You love your job, and I love you for it; I don’t want you to quit so you can hold my hand in the waiting room. Just be there when you can and keep flying home to me after each case, and that will be enough.”
Derek’s chest ached at the thought of her alone at any more appointments, but he knew she wouldn’t change her mind. “One condition: if we aren’t any closer to answers after the New Year, I’m going to switch positions. Hotch and Rossi will let me back when I’m ready.”
Ellie shifted just enough to press a soft kiss to his neck, despite the tears Derek still felt falling from her eyes. “Thank you for loving me so well.”
“It’s my honor.” He kissed the top of her head. “Have you had time to think about where you want to go next?”
“I’m seeing my primary care next week, so hopefully he’ll have some ideas.”
“Besides always coming home to you, what more can I do to help?”
Derek felt her sigh against his skin as she pressed closer to him. “Right now? Just sit here with me and watch TV.”
“And the rest of the time?”
“You already do more than enough, Derek,” she told him.
Derek hesitated, considering his words. “Eleanor, this relationship is a partnership where we both give 100% all the time, whatever that may look like at any given moment. I’m not trying to take on more than I can handle, so please, just tell me any ways I can help and trust me to know my limits.”
Eleanor lifted her head, her green eyes taking in his expression and the determined set of his jaw. “Can I think about it and get back to you?”
“I can work with that,” he agreed with a nod.
“Good,” Ellie said. She stood and Derek steadied her with a hand on her waist when she swayed. She closed her eyes for a moment, forcing a smile when she opened them again. “I’m okay. I’m going to go put a tray of cookies in the oven, but I DVRed the newest Chuck episode if you want to pull it up.”
Derek leaned up and kissed her. “You’re an angel.”
“You’d think I never bake,” she teased, even as she leaned in for another kiss.
Derek obliged without complaint and a smirk crept over his face. “Or maybe I just like to take every opportunity to kiss you and remind you that you’re the light of my life.”
Blushing, Ellie rolled her eyes and pushed him back, making him laugh. “Find the show.”