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Asakusa 24K Gold Magic!

Summary:

Dotsuitare Hompo and Onigawara Bombers get off on the wrong foot.

But that's nothing a few drinks can't fix.

Notes:

prompt: Onigawara Bombers and DH getting shitfaced together!!!

 

for jupicchi!!! <3 <3 <3

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

“Yes, yes, yes, we’re finally starting! Welcome to NuruSara’s No Reservations!” Sasara struck one of his signature poses with his fan in his hand. “It’s NuruSara, aka Sasara Nurude, hosting once again!”

“What do you mean once again? This is the first episode.”

“Aha!” Sasara grabbed Rosho by his arm and pulled him close, elbowing him slightly. “And here’s my favorite co-host and partner in crime!”

“Ah— I’m Rosho…Tstsujimori. Thanks for having me…” Rosho bowed stiffly. His stage fright had been getting a lot better, but he still had a bit to work through.

“That’s right, Dotsuitare Hompo is all together! Ah, but there’s three members here! Our favorite old man took time from his suspiciously busy schedule to be with us!” Sasara ran around to behind the camera, which turned around to show him and Rei. 

“Yo. Rei Amayado here.” He gave a flirtatious wink towards the camera lens before turning it back around. “Pleasure to be here with these two. I’ll make sure to get all their good sides.” 

Sasara stood in front of the camera again. “Well, all of Rosho’s sides are good sides! But here’s his best side!” He grabbed Rosho by his shoulders and turned him so his back was facing the camera’s view. “Rei, tilt the camera down a little bit—” 

“SASARA!” Rosho exclaimed, his cheeks instantly pink, turning back to face his teammates. He reflexively fidgeted with a ring on his finger, a new addition to his standard attire “You know you can’t make jokes like that anymore…People will get suspicious.”

“I know, I know. We’ll trim it in post and just send that clip to Jupi after everything’s edited~” 

Rosho’s face got even redder at that.

“Alright, introductions are out of the way! Today we’re at the one-of-a-kind Asakusa Division!” Sasara held his arm out towards the bustling street. “This place is known for its kind craftsmen and being a nonstop stop for festivals. And, my dear ladies and gentlemen and other genders, we’re here on just the right night to try one of these festivals out! Let’s see what Asakusa has to offer!”

The three of them walked down the rows of stalls, passing by various vendors who sold all sorts of treats and trinkets, or were hosting games with prizes. They stopped at a few stalls to talk about the festival and the wares being sold. The Asakusa residents were all a bit nervous at the start of the sudden interviews, but thanks to Sasara’s jokes, Rosho’s comebacks, and occasional charming comments from Rei, they all eased up and had fun with the visiting group.

However, everything screeched to a halt when a dark-haired young man caught sight of the three. 

“Oi, what are you people doing?” he asked, approaching them.

“Uh—” Rosho was quick to freeze up. This guy seemed to be ready to pounce on them right then and there.

“Hello, sir!” Sasara greeted him as if he were any other person they had encountered that evening. “Don’t mind us! We’re just filmin’ for our show. Gotta say, y’all really know how to throw a good shindig—”

The man looked rapidly back and forth between Sasara and the camera lens. “Who said anyone was allowed to film here? Filming for what?”

“It’s for my new series on U-TV! NuruSara’s No—” 

“We’re not selling out. Turn that camera off.”

“Eh? Selling out?” Sasara’s smile fell. He looked at Rosho.

“Ah…we were told we were permitted to film here,” Rosho said. 

The man stepped up to him. His anger made his slightly crooked teeth appear more like fangs. “Well, you were told wrong, or you’re lyin’ to me.” 

“Doshirooo!” A much more jovial voice rung out from behind them all, and an older man came jogging up to them. “What’s keepin’ ya? How long does it take to grab one bag of ice—” 

“Masa-san, these people think they can film here,” Doshiro said, pointing an accusing finger towards Sasara. “They claim they got our permission.”

“Haah?” Masamune looked the three over and looked at the camera, but then his gaze quickly went back to Sasara. “Hey, you’re that guy on the frozen takoyaki packages!” 

“Oh, they’re still sellin’ those?” Sasara gave an awkward dry laugh at that.

“Yeah, it’s one of my go-to hangover foods!”

“Masa-san.” Doshiro elbowed his teammate.

“Oh, right.” Masamune cleared his throat and toughened his demeanor. “Alright, enough messin’ around. Jin-chan woulda said somethin’ if we were gonna be filmed. Not that he’d ever agree to that kinda thing. So shut that camera off or get out.”

“Wait, there must be some miscommunication here,” Rosho said. “This ‘Jin-chan’ probably just forgot to tell you we arranged to be here.”

“Don’t talk like you even know Jin-san!” Doshiro snapped. “He doesn’t forget important things! He always tells us everything! And he’d never let some annoying sell-out celebrity stroll in here and make our festival some tourist trap!” 

“OI!” It was Rosho’s turn to snap. “Don’t you talk like you know Sasara! He ain’t a sellout! He’s got more passion for what he does than anyone else out there! All he wanted was to share your festival with his audience!”

“Well, what if we don’t want his audience here?! At this point, we sure as hell don’t want you guys here!” 

“You…!”

“Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen!” Sasara got in between them, holding his arms out to push them apart. “Look. My people told me that your people were fine with me filming here. That’s my side of the story.”

“Who the hell’s ‘our people?’ We’re our people, and we didn’t say shit to your people!” Masamune exclaimed. 

“Wait, Sasara,” Rosho said, seemingly calmer now. “I thought you said your management let you handle all the arrangements for this on your own.”

“Yeah, that’s right!” Sasara nodded.

“Then who’s ‘your people’ here?!”

“Rei’s my people! He made the call for me!”

Rei gave a wave from behind the camera.

“…Of course he did.” Rosho sighed heavily. “Rei, did you actually get permission from whoever’s in charge here?”

“I could’ve sworn I did.” Rei scratched the back of his neck. “I can confirm I talked a bit with a ‘Jinpachi’ fella.” 

“If that’s really the case,” Masamune said, more chill than before, “then I guess we’ll bring this to Jin-chan and see what he says.” 

Doshiro still seemed very heated. “If he says he didn’t talk to you and you’re just lyin’ to our faces…” He was silenced by Masamune putting a hand on his shoulder, ushering him towards the festival’s center stage.

Dotsuitare Hompo followed the two of them, the quietest they had been since they set foot in the Division. There was plenty of noise going on around them, but Sasara and Rosho blocked it out. 

“You don’t gotta get all fired up over me, y’know,” Sasara said, his voice low. “Save that kind of energy for Jupi.”

“You’re just as deserving as she is,” Rosho sighed. “And either way, ‘m not lettin’ some hothead treat you like somethin’ you’re not…You’re not a sellout. No one else puts as much heart into what they do like you.”

The two of them went silent. Their hands were swinging a bit with every step, and they ended up slightly bumping into each other. Once they got that close, they couldn’t part. Sasara’s pinky reached and wrapped a bit around Rosho’s, who returned the small gesture. No one else in the festival was aware of what the two of them really had together, along with their third partner. 

Except Rei, who had the camera fixed on the two of them, capturing the intimate pinky moment.

Rosho, being a teacher, could always detect when shenanigans were going on behind him. He turned around with a glare. “ Rei .”

“Don’t worry, we’ll trim this out in post,” Rei said. “But Jupi-chan’s definitely gettin’ the uncut reel~” 

Finally, they all got to the center stage, which was hosting a taiko drum show. Near the stage, Jinpachi was talking to some older people. The man looked to be about in his thirties, weathered but proud. In that moment at least, he was all smiles. 

“Aw, he doesn’t seem so bad!” Sasara said. 

“Just be careful,” Rosho whispered. “I gotta feeling we’re about to totally blow this.”

“Don’t worry,” Rei chuckled. “It’ll all work out; it always does when I’m around, right?”

“Jin-chaaaan!” Masamune called as he ran up to his leader with Doshiro.

“Oi, what’re you two doin’ here?” Jinpachi asked as the people he was chatting with walked away. 

“Jin-san, did you give these sell outs permission to film here?” Doshiro asked, pointing at Dotsuitare Hompo. “But you didn’t, right?”

“Hah?” Jinpachi’s eyes narrowed. “You…You’re those Osaka guys, aren’t ya?”

“That’s right!” Sasara said. “We—”

Rosho put his hand out, silencing his partner. “Excuse us. Our teammate said he spoke with you and got permission for us to film here. That’s right, isn’t it?”

Jinpachi seemed a bit confused. “Film…?”

“That’s right, boss,” Rei said, setting the camera down so he could look at him properly. “That’s what we agreed to, wasn’t it?”

Jinpachi’s face scrunched up as he seemed to think on that. Then his eyes widened. “… Ohhh .” 

“Jin-chan?”

“Jin-san?”

“I completely forgot,” Jinpachi said. “Musta got so carried away in the preparations for tonight that it just…slipped my mind. But now I remember.” 

“Wait,” Doshiro said. “So these guys… did get your permission to film?”

“Yup, they sure did.” 

“Oh, wow!” Sasara said, smiling for the camera. “Hear that, guys? We’re wanted here after all!” 

Rosho sighed heavily. “Thank God…”

Rei laughed, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Told you. It always works out.” 

“Huh. So it really was a misunderstandin’,” Masamune said. “Sorry for all the trouble. Doshiro .” 

Doshiro looked off to the side. He was red faced, but not from anger. “…Sorry.” 

Jinpachi laughed and put an arm around him. “Don’t mind this one. He just wants to keep this place safe n’ happy. We all do.”

“No trouble at all!” Sasara waved his hand nonchalantly. “You gotta do what ya gotta do for the place ya call home—I know that feeling. But now that we’re all on the same page, you guys can join us for the rest of our little shoot! Maybe you can show us where we can get some good drinks—” 

“DRINKS!” Masamune’s hand shot up. “You’ve come to the right place, Takoyaki Man! Asakusa’s got ya covered when it comes to drinks!”

“Oh? Well, you seem like quite the expert.” Sasara pointed his fan at him. “Lead the way, my good man!”

“Will do!” Masamune hooked his arm around Sasara’s and started to drag him away deep into the festival. 

“Ah—wait, Sasara!” Rosho exclaimed, dashing after them.

“Masa-san!” Doshiro called out, running after them as well.

Rei laughed heartily at the scene. “Ah, youth.”

“Sorry ‘bout the mix up,” Jinpachi said. “To tell ya the truth, my memory’s been a bit all over the place lately. Been forgetting things more often…Guess I’m just getting old.”

“…Hm.” Rei made a mental note of that; he had been notified that the True Hypnosis Mic had been used on these guys in the past. It seemed there were some lasting side effects he hadn’t been aware of. He’d have to work on that. “Well, don’t worry. When you get old, you start to forget the past so you can live a carefree future.”

Jinpachi chuckled. “Well, I wouldn’t call it carefree, but livin’ in the present in this place does me a lot of good.”

“But not as good as a nice drink, eh?”

“Right. We outta catch up with those guys.” 



Masamune cackled. “You really outta handle your booze better, purple guy!” 

“Who’re— hic —who’re ya callin’ ourple?!” Rosho slammed his glass down as his body swayed a bit. But then he started chickling. “Y’know…y’know, a couple a’ my students, they call me ‘purple guy’ sometimes. And just the other day, Watamoto called me, what was it again…William Afton…like- like who even is that?! Is he ourple too?!”

Hours had passed since the conflict at the festival. Both Dotsuitare Hompo and Onigawara Bombers were all several drinks in as the night rolled on. All the troubles that got in the way were plunged and dissolved in the alcohol, evaporating into a mist of laughter and lighthearted ribbing. 

At least, that was the case for Sasara, Rosho, Masamune, and Doshiro. Rei and Jinpachi stayed quiet a few seats away, watching over their companions. Regardless of who was sitting where or what exactly was happening, there was a strong sense of unity between the two groups. It was the first time they had met, but the atmosphere of alcohol was so familiar, it worked its magic to make them all feel like they had been friends for years. 

“Oi, oi, oi!” Sasara said. “I’ll have ya know him, me, and Rei can hold our drinks like no one’s business! Right, Rosho?” He put a hand on his partner’s shoulders, shaking him a bit.

Rosho’s head bobbled dizzily. “Gueh…”

Doshiro smirked. “I heard that Osakans like their drinks, but looks they don’t handle ‘em like we can.”

“Oh yeah? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah?” Sasara’s whole body bounced with gusto as he spoke, like a barking chihuahua “You hear this shit, Rosho? These guys think they can out-drink us! Us !”

“Haaaah?” Rosho’s brows knitted together as he reached for his glass. 

“Oi, Doshiro,” Masamune ruffled his teammate’s hair. “Don’t talk a big game on my behalf when you’ve been nursing the same glass this whole time! Can’t speak for anyone else, but if anyone can out-drink these guys, it’s me!”

More rounds of sake were ordered for the group, all while the eldest members kept watching over them with their own drinks. 

Rei stopped to light a cigarette. “So, this is what you guys do full time?”

“Pretty much,” Jinpachi said, setting his drink down. “We’ve got our own jobs, but our first priority is being there for Asakusa. We’ll drop everything to help put these festivals together. It’s what keeps us on the map after all.”

“Hm.” Rei nodded, taking a drag of his cigarette. “You guys make good money?”

 “Sometimes. But even when we do, it can’t really be called a profit. Most of it goes right back to the Division. This place is full of kind people, but a lot of them are struggling. The festivals are the best way we combat that, ‘specially when we got people visiting from other places. But only if we know for sure they’re not gonna mess with us…We’ve been burned before, and we don’t want anything to happen to this place.” 

“What you’re doin’ is pretty admirable, but I gotta say, it’s not the most sustainable business model.”

Jinpachi sighed. “It’s not at all, and it’s startin’ to catch up with us. We gotta rely on sponsors to keep this goin’, but more and more places either lose interest or wanna turn our festivals into somethin’ they’re not. That’s why Doshiro was so suspicious of you three; we’ve been dealin’ with a few odd guys that wanna make us go corporate.”

“Well, Sasara’s a good man. He just wants to show you guys off as you are now. Nothin’ more.”

“We appreciate it. I outta thank ‘im, when he’s sobered up.” 

It looked like that wouldn’t be for a while, as before too long, only Masamune was still sitting up as he downed yet another glass, whilst the others were just about down for the count

“Haaah~ what’d I say, huh? Huh? Ain’t no one drinkin’ better than me~”

“Uuunnh…Yer gonna feel that in the mornin’, Masa-san,” Doshiro groaned, putting a hand to his head. 

“Hmmm maybe a liiitle bit~ Not to worry! Thanks to this guy, I’ll have those takoyakis waitin’ for me!” Masamune haphazardly patted Sasara’s shoulder.

Sasara jolted. “Taco? We gettin’ Taco Bell? But remember what happened last time…” He looked around, seeming to remember where he was. He looked over at Rosho, who was just as out of commission as Doshiro. “Hey. Hey. Hey, Rosho. Hey, Rosho. Hey. How ya holdin’ up, puddin’?”

“Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…” Rosho groaned, his eyes hazy and focused on the ring on his finger. “I— hic —I miss…I mmmmiss…Jupi…”

“Hah? Whozzat?” Masamune asked.

“Ah! Jupi! She’s our— ah —” Sasara forced an exaggerated fake cough. Even while this drunk, he knew when to keep certain things about his life private. Especially his and his partners’ love life; as far as the world knew, it was a love life he had no part of. “She’s Rosho’s sweetheart! She’s the best. Sweetest person in the worlllddd~” 

“Gonna— fey’re gonna be m’wife…” Rosho slurred.  “My wife is soft ‘nd I like her…”

“We know, Wosho,” Sasara put a comforting arm around him, though what he really wanted was to kiss him and say, I like her too and I like you.  

“Awww, ain’t that sweet,” Masamune cooed, batting his lashes at the scene. “And y’know what else is sweet? MORE DRINKS!” 

Of course, even he had his limits. It was only a couple more rounds before all four of them were totally passed out. Rei and Jinpachi approached them to drag them away from the bar.

“Y’know,” Rei said as he slung Sasara over his shoulder to carry him—a motion that made him see Ichiro in his mind’s eye for a split second, “if y’all are ever in need of a last minute sponsor, you could always hit me up. I might have some connections that can help you out.”

“Really?” Jinpachi paused and took a moment to look Rei up and down. 

It was a deep, scouring look that Rei had grown very familiar with. He was searching for any signs of suspicion, for any reason to not trust him. Rei filled to the brim with such reasons, but it was all up to the eye of the beholder to snuff them out.

Despite clear hesitation, Jinpachi still smiled warmly. “Well…I’ll think about it.” 

Rei smiled back. “You won’t regret it if ya do. Drinks’ll be on me.” 

Notes:

I HOPE I DID ALRIGHT WITH THIS ONE THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING ONIBOMB EVER

thank you to briar for beta reading!!