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1
Jeffrey stared up at the ceiling, eyes wide open despite the exhaustion that blurred the edges of his mind. This wasn’t the first night he spent sleepless, and he was sure it wouldn’t be the last.
It’d been like that since their return from Greenland, and all the shit that happened there. As soon as the helicopter had landed, they’d all been swarmed by people with guns, relentlessly questioned, and had needles shoved in their arms. The scientists had claimed it to be some kind of cure to the virus, but even if it wasn't, it wasn't like they had much of a choice in the matter.
They then promptly had bags pulled over their heads, shoved into a van, and thrown into the streets of a town none of them were familiar with. The only positive was that they’d been left with four backpacks filled with stacks of cash, and proper documentation for all of them, even adoption papers for Emi with Benito's name on it. They'd also been left with the threat of a very unfortunate accident involving all of them if they happened to let information about Panacea slip. Jeffrey was fine with that. He'd rather forget the whole thing had ever happened, if he was being honest.
So, when they’d figured out they were in Brazil, they’d decided to make a home there together.
It’d been a few months since they’d started renting an apartment, and things had been okay, for the most part, but some days were… tough. Diego had started crying at the sight of an apple, because it reminded him of the apple pin Lucie wore on her hat. Emi had quieted since Lucie’s death, and had only started to speak in full sentences again a couple weeks after the whole ordeal. Benito had had a panic attack after an encounter with an over-excited dog, and even Luis had been pretty freaked out when the sound of gunshot came from the TV when he was flipping through channels.
And that was fine. Jeffrey knew that all the things they’d gone through were hell, and that was hard to back from. So he did his best to keep the smile on his face and a joke on his tongue whenever his friends needed it, because that’s what a good friend did.
And, as a good friend, he figured it was best he keep his own shit to himself. After all, why add on to the pile when the others clearly had it worse? Diego had lost his best friend, Benito and Emi had been forced to watch her very gruesome death, and Panacea had forced Luis to cut ties with his Abuelita in order to keep their situation “as confidential as possible”.
Compared to them, he hadn’t really gone through anything special. He hadn’t watched Lucie die, or known her more than a day, and he didn’t have any family that cared the least about him.
So he did his best to burry his own feelings as deep as possible, because really, it would be selfish to complain when they’d been through so much.
Maybe that’s what constantly kept him up at night. Or maybe it was the fact he had almost died. It was hard to be sure.
Jeffrey sighed, shoved the comforter off of him, and started to make his way towards the bathroom. He wanted to splash some cold water on his face, try to clear his head. Plus, he really had to piss.
As Jeffrey flicked the bathroom light on, the harsh white glow burned his tired eyes, making him squint. He leaned over the sink, gripping the edges tightly. His reflection stared back at him: dark circles beneath his eyes, skin pale, and a weight in his gaze that hadn’t been there before Greenland. He splashed cold water on his face, but it didn’t help.
Jeffrey scrunched up his eyes, and bit his lip just a little too hard. He wiped his hand over his wet face before doing his business, washing his hands, and turning off the lights, and starting down the hallway.
He had almost made it to his bedroom before he heard a soft sound coming from Emi’s room. Crying, he realized with a frown.
Jeffrey hesitated for a moment outside the door, listening to the quiet, muffled sobs coming from inside Emi’s room. His gut twisted. He hated hearing her cry. She was just a kid, after all, and she’d had it harder than most.
He knocked softly, more a formality than anything, and when there was no answer, he pushed the door open. Moonlight filtered through the curtains, casting long shadows across the small room. In the pale light, he could see Emi curled up in her bed, her back to the door, shaking with quiet sobs.
“Hey, Emi,” he whispered, stepping inside. She flinched slightly but didn’t turn to face him. He kept his voice soft, sitting down gently on the edge of her bed. "Are you- are you okay?” Fuck, that was a stupid question. Obviously she wasn’t okay.
She sniffled, her little voice hoarse. “I-I had a bad dream.”
“Oh.” Shit. It was usually Benito who handled this, since he was more like a father-figure to her, but Benito wasn’t here. Him and Luis had both decided to fly over to Mexico to collect things from their own homes. Jeffrey didn’t have much of value, to be honest, and had opted to stay in Brazil with Diego and Emi.
“Do… do you want to talk about it?” Jeffrey asked hesitantly. He tried for a smile, but Emi just glanced at him before wiping the tears from her eyes.
“It was just about meu pai. And Lucie. You know, the usual stuff.” A sob escaped her, and Jeffrey felt his heart break. “It’s just- why did they have to leave? I needed them, and now they’re gone.”
Jeffrey watched as she sunk deeper into her bed, and he bit his lip before scooting a little closer. “I don’t know, Emi. But I’m not going anywhere, and Benito, Diego, and Luis aren’t either. We’ll be here whenever you need us.”
For the first time that night, Emi turned her head to look him straight in the eyes. “You promise?”
Jeffrey gave her a soft smile. “I promise. Whenever you need me, just order a pizza, and I’ll know.”
Emi laughed a little- a weak, broken sound, but it was something. It was enough.
They sat in silence for a few moments, and Jeffrey figured that was his cue to leave. He had just stood up to go when a hand gripped his arm.
“Jeffrey, wait, can- can you stay? Just until I fall asleep.”
Jeffrey’s chest tightened a bit, and he nodded. He moved the beanbag, and positioned it so it sat right next to Emi’s bed.
As soon as he had gotten settled, he felt Emi clutch the sleeve of his sweatshirt tightly, almost like a lifeline. He didn’t mention it, and neither did she. It wasn’t long before he felt the grip loosen, and Jeffrey felt his own eyes start to droop.
If Diego found him sprawled out on the beanbag, sleeping much later than Jeffrey had been able to sleep in weeks, he didn’t say anything either.
2
Jeffrey and Luis were making a quick run to the store, just to grab a few things they needed for Emi’s cake. Emi was having a bake sale at her school, and had insisted that Benito help her make a cake as part of her contribution. Benito pretended to be pissed, per usual, but Jeffrey could see right through it. The man was just happy Emi had asked him to do something with her.
Nonetheless, they had realized that they forgot to buy frosting. Hence, why Jeffrey and Luis had been sent on the noble mission to get some from the market a few streets away.
And as they walked along the cracked sidewalk, Jeffrey was a little distracted, wondering what color frosting Emi might want them to get. So that’s why he didn’t immediately notice the drawings on the pavement, or the way Luis stopped.
Only when he turned to ask Luis’s opinion did he notice the man wasn’t at his side.
“Luis?” Jeffrey asked, looking behind him. Luis was a few feet away, staring at the sidewalk. Oddly… still. Jeffrey’s own eyes followed his gaze, and his breath caught in his throat.
It was just sidewalk chalk. Just some scribbles that some random kids had probably drawn. But… it was more than that. There were two colors, bright pink and lime green. The lines looped like veins on the infecteds’ skin and the color similarity was uncanny.
He could remember the three of them, him, Luis, and Diego, running for the elevator with the infected at their heels. He could remember Luis pulling Diego in after them, and Jeffrey desperately slamming the “up” button. The slimy fingers clinging to the edges as they rose much too slowly.
Jeffrey blinked himself out of the memory, and wiped his now sweaty palms on his jeans. It wasn’t about him right now. He had to help Luis.
“Hey, Luis,” Jeffrey said quietly, taking a step closer. Luis didn’t react, only continued to stare unblinkingly.
Jeffrey took another careful step toward Luis, softening his voice. “It’s okay, man. It’s just chalk. Just some kids messing around.”
Still, Luis didn’t seem to hear him. His breathing had grown shallow, his eyes fixed on the bright colors winding along the pavement, vivid in the afternoon sun. Jeffrey could see Luis’s eyes darting around, could see his hands shaking. Probably reliving some not-so-fun memories.
Not wanting to startle him, Jeffrey slowly reached out, lightly placing a hand on Luis's shoulder. “Hey, it’s just us,” he said, his tone calm and steady. “Remember? We’re picking up frosting for Emi. No infecteds, no crazy creatures. Just… cake.”
Luis blinked, his gaze shifting from the chalk to Jeffrey’s face. He looked like he was just coming up for air, struggling to catch his breath. “Right… yeah. Frosting,” he murmured, his voice a bit shaky.
Jeffrey kept his hand on Luis’s shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “You with me?” he asked, watching as Luis’s eyes regained their focus.
Luis nodded, swallowing hard. “Yeah. Sorry, I just… it looked too much like…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “It’s stupid. It’s just chalk. I’m supposed to be strong, you know?”
“You’re still strong, Macho man. But strong people need help too, especially when they go through multiple life-or-death situations in a single day.”
Luis laughed. “Yes, I guess so.”
“Now, watcha say about getting some frosting? Don’t want to be accused of slacking.”
“No, I guess not.” He paused for a moment. “What color should we get?”
3
When Jeffrey saw Diego, he immediately knew something was wrong. The man usually had a generally friendly demeanor, and would greet Jeffrey with a smile while he ate his toast. Both of them were early risers (unlike their roommates), so they would chat for a bit while everyone woke up.
Today though, was different. Diego eyes were downcast, and slightly unfocused. A soft frown sat on his lips, and he didn’t even seem to notice Jeffrey as he walked into the kitchen.
“Hey Diego, how’s it goin’?” Jeffrey asked casually, as he went to go make his coffee. His eyes flicked to Diego, who flinched when he spoke.
”Porra-” Diego’s voice cracked a bit, and he winced. “Oh, hey Jeffrey. Sorry, I didn’t see you come in. Um- did you need something?”
Jeffrey’s eyebrows drew together. Something was definitely wrong. “I was just asking how it was going.”
Diego hesitated for a moment, and Jeffrey's gaze flicked to his arm, catching the subtle pinch of skin between Diego's fingers. It was a familiar nervous habit- a grounding technique Jeffrey had seen him use before. Faint red marks dotted his arm, and Jeffrey's expression darkened with quiet concern.
“Fine. It’s going fine. Why do you ask?”
Jeffrey considered what to say next. Something was clearly up with Diego, but he didn’t want to push too hard and make him retreat further. “I don’t know, you just seem… off.”
Diego didn’t answer immediately, but Jeffrey could see him start to twist his skin more harshly. Suddenly, he blurted out, “It’s Lucie’s birthday today,”
Jeffrey took a sharp breath. Lucie. The girl who he hadn’t known for more than a day, yet was one of only five people who could truly understand him. The girl who had wrangled all five of them guys, and a thirteen year old girl too. The girl who was Diego’s best friend. The girl who had died.
“I didn’t realize…” Jeffrey murmured. He was hit with a sudden pang of cold, hard, grief. But… he had only known her for a day. Diego had known her for years. He didn’t have the right to feel grief. The best he could do was try to comfort Diego. “I- I’m sorry, Diego. Do you want to talk about it? Talk about her?”
"I don't know," Diego whispered. "It feels... wrong, you know? Talking about her like it’ll change anything. Like remembering her makes any of this easier."
Jeffrey nodded. “Yeah, I know. But just because she’s gone doesn’t mean her memory has to be, y’know? And it might help.”
Diego bit his lip, before saying, “Lucie got us banned from a supermarket once.”
Jeffrey’s eyes widened a bit. “Oh yeah? What for?”
A small smile made its way onto Diego’s face. “So, we were waiting to pay for our groceries, right? And this lady cuts us line, without even looking back at us.
“Immediately, Lucie was like, ‘Um, excuse me? We were here?’ And the lady turns around, and you know what she says?”
“What?”
Diego has a genuine smile on his face now. “She must have heard Lucie talking on the phone to her friend earlier, because she said, ‘Shut up French girl.’ And oh God, Lucie just went off at her. Honestly, I don’t think she would have gotten so mad if she hadn’t called her ‘French girl’. She’s Swiss, but everyone always assumes she’s from France. She hated that. Did you know that?”
Jeffrey shook his head, the smile on his face matching Diego’s. “No, I didn’t.”
Diego laughed quietly. “Yeah. The lady ended up calling the manager, and we got kicked out. I was freaking out, the next market was twenty more minutes away- but not Lucie. She was never one to back down from a fight.”
Jeffrey chuckled, shaking his head. "Of course she wasn’t. I can totally see her storming out like she won the argument."
Diego’s grin lingered, though it flickered with a hint of sadness. "Oh yeah. She was so proud of herself. On the drive back, she told me, 'If we ever go to war, I’m putting that lady on my hit list.' And she was serious about it."
Jeffrey snorted. “A hit list? Really?”
“Yeah,” Diego’s expression softened a bit. “Life was never boring when she was around. I… I miss her.”
Jeffrey’s smile dimmed into something more sympathetic, his voice quieter now. "I get it, man. It’s not easy."
Diego seemed to hesitate for a moment, before saying, “Thanks, Jeffrey. This… this was nice.”
“No problem man. Lucie was one of the good ones.”
Diego hummed, and they fell into a comfortable silence. A few minutes later, Benito strode into the kitchen, still in sleep clothes. He opened the fridge and squinted.
“Hey, Diego. Can you or Pizza boy go to the supermarket later? We’ve got nothing to eat.”
Diego and Jeffrey glanced at each other, and broke out into laughter, leaving Benito staring at them with a half-pissed half-confused look on his face.
“What? What is it?”
They just laughed harder.
4
Jeffrey was sitting on the couch with Emi, Luis, and Diego when the doorbell rung.
“That’s probably the pizza,” Luis said, picking up the remote and flicking the TV off. “I’ll get it.”
Eveyone made their way to their rickety old wooden dining table while Luis headed to the door. After Luis had payed, he placed the greasy pizza box in the center of the table.
“Hey, Benito!” Jeffrey called out towards Benito’s shut door. “Pizza’s here!” When no reply came, he yelled again, louder. “Benito! If you don’t hurry up all the pizza’s gonna be gone. You know I can’t stop Luis when he get’s going!” Still, no reply.
Jeffrey rolled his eyes. “He’s probably listening to music again. I’ll go get him.” He turned to Luis, and narrowed his eyes at him in mock-seriousness. “You better not eat all the pizza, or I’ll come after you in your sleep.”
“No promises!” Luis called as Jeffrey made his way towards Benito’s bedroom. He scoffed softly, though a smile was on his face. He knew Luis would save a piece for him and Benito. Probably.
Jeffrey arrived to the door and knocked. “Benito? The pizza’s here.” Again, no response. “Fine, Im coming in. Don’t blame me if you’re naked or something.”
He opened the door slowly, in case Benito really was naked in there. After what he felt to be an appropriate amount of time, he opened it all the way and peeked his head in. Benito was hunched over his computer screen at his desk, as was to be expected.
Benito had started studying medicine a month ago (apparently he hadn’t already been a doctor in Greenland, who could have guessed?), and often stayed in his room to study and do assignments.
“Hey, Benito.” Benito didn’t turn around. “Hey, it’s dinner-” Jeffrey tapped him on the shoulder, only to earn a harsh flinch and a pale face turning to meet him. His breathing was a bit too fast, and there was a thin sheen of sweat on his skin.
Jeffrey’s eyebrows scrunched up in concern. “Benito? Are you okay?”
Benito’s gaze didn’t quite meet his, and Jeffrey wasn’t even sure he’d heard him. “Can you hear me? Earth to Benito?”
Suddenly, Benito’s eyes snapped to him, as if noticing him for the first time. His hands trembled slightly as he wiped his hand over his face. His mouth opened and closed a few times, like a fish out of water.
Finally, finding his words, Benito said, “Oh- um, hi Jeffrey. I didn’t- I didn’t see you there.”
Jeffrey’s eyebrows drew together further. Benito never called him by his real name, only “Pizza boy”. Even outside of that, something was up.
“Benito? What was that about? Are you good?”
“Benito’s lips pressed together in a thin line. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why- why do you ask?”
“Honestly, you’re not lookin’ too hot right now.”
Benito cringed a bit. “Yeah, it’s just… this assignment I have to do. I have a picture of an injured person, and I have to asses what my immediate action should be. The image… it, well. Just look.”
Benito moved over so Jeffrey could see his screen. It was… gruesome, to say the least, and Jeffrey could feel a shiver travel down his spine.
The woman in the picture seemed to have been involved in some dog or wolf attack, and it had clearly done a number on her. There were deep bite marks all over her body, and gashes that ran along her abdomen and left cheek.
It made Jeffrey nauseous, and he could feel his own face pale. The mangled figure didn’t look all that different from those of the Nidere’s victims. After seeing what happened to Lucie… it was pretty obvious why it had Benito so rattled. Jeffrey was lucky he hadn’t had to watch that.
“Oh,” Jeffrey muttered quietly.
Benito nodded, and took a shaky breath.
“You know…” Jeffrey began slowly, choosing his words carefully, “you don’t have to keep staring at that. Maybe take a break? It’s just an assignment, right? You’ll get back to it soon enough.”
Benito looked down, exhaling through his nose. "I know. But… I feel like I owe it to her. Lucie. I ran. I just fucking ran. I didn’t know Carol… I didn’t see her- I didn’t know she would go that far. If I’d just seen…” He swallowed hard, clenching his fists as if the tension alone could keep him steady.
Jeffrey placed a hand on Benito's shoulder, gently but firmly. "Hey, none of that. You can’t blame yourself for what happened to her. You did everything we could.
Benito sighed heavily, defeated.“Yeah, I know. But sometimes it just… doesn’t feel that way, you know?”
Jeffrey hummed. “Yeah, I know. But if you don’t believe it, it’s okay, because I do. And so do Luis, Diego, and Emi. And we’ll peer-pressure you until you do too.”
Benito laughed quietly. “You’ll peer-pressure me?”
“You bet your ass we will.”
“You’re fuckin’ annoying, you know that?” Benito said, though Jeffrey could see the smile on his lips.
“Yup. Now that we’ve established that, want to go get some pizza?”
“Yeah, Pizza boy. Let’s go get some Pizza.”
+1
The moment Jeffrey woke up, he knew it was going to be a bed day. There was just something… off about it. His hair refused to cooperate, the hot water wasn’t working, and the bags under his eyes were more prominent than usual.
Still though, he went to the kitchen and chatted to Diego as if nothing was wrong. He laughed when Emi came grumbling in, hair a mess and complaining about them waking her up. He smiled when Benito and Luis joined them, and the two made pancakes.
Because really, he had no right not to be okay. Not when Emi’s father was dead. Not when Luis had been forced to never see had Abuelita again, the only family he’d ever know. Not when Diego’s best friend had died, and Benito had been there to watch.
Compared to them, what did he have to complain about?
Jeffrey tightly clutched his half-empty mug, and his eyes flicked to his hand. To his middle finger. Or rather, lack thereof.
The scientists at Panacea had wanted to study the ring, see what it's connection might be to the Nidere. After several unsuccessful attempts at prying it off his finger (it only dug deeper into his skin, and brought tears to his eyes), they'd done the only option left; they'd cut off his finger. It was fine though, really. They'd numbed the area before they did it and blindfolded him as they sawed it off. He'd struggled, of course, but a gun to the head had a way of making a guy listen. Who knew?
It was fine though, who really needed a middle finger, anyway? It was nothing compared to the loss of a person. If anything-
"Jeffrey?"
Jeffrey flinched and looked up from his coffee. Luis was looking at him with slightly creased eyebrows. "We were talking about going to the park later, wanted to know if you were coming. Are you okay?"
Jeffrey vaguely noticed how hard he was gripping his mug. He loosened his grip and easily slipped a smile onto his face. "Yeah, sure. When?"
Luis glanced at his watch. "Eh, maybe half an hour."
“Okay. I’m gonna, uh, go wash my hands. They’re sticky from the syrup.” Before Luis could say anything more, Jeffrey bustled off to the bathroom and locked the door behind him.
Jeffrey leaned over the sink, gripping its edges tightly as he let out a shaky breath. His reflection stared back at him, eyes dark with exhaustion. He flexed his hand—the one missing a finger—and watched how it trembled slightly. He squeezed it into a fist, willing the shaking to stop.
“It’s fine,” he whispered to himself. “You’re fine.”
The problem was that it wasn’t fine. Not really. But how could he say that out loud? How could he tell his friends- who had all lost so much- that he was freaking out over a finger? A stupid, useless finger. Compared to them, his struggles were insignificant, selfish even. Not to mention that the only reason they'd cut his finger off was because he put the ring on in the first place. His biggest problem was one he caused himself. Actions had consequence, and it was only a matter of time before he figured that out.
Jeffrey took a deep breath, steeling himself. This was fine. All he had to do was go out there and smile. How hard could that possibly be?
A knock at the door broke his thoughts.
“Pizza boy?” It was Benito this time. “We’re about to head out. You good?”
Jeffrey cleared his throat. “Yeah. Be right there.”
With one last glance at his hand, Jeffrey pushed open the door. Emi, Luis, Diego, and Benito were all waiting for him by the door, and he felt a pang of guilt. He hadn’t meant to hold up the whole group.
“Finally,” Emi grumbled, though there was no real heat behind it. “We thought you got lost or something.”
Benito flashed him a grin. “You sure you’re good? I mean, not to brag, but the swings won’t be as fun if you’re not there.”
Jeffrey forced a laugh. “Wouldn’t want to miss that.”
“Vamos,” Luis said, nudging Benito toward the door. “If we leave now, we’ll get there before the swings are taken by the kids.”
“I’m telling you, it’s fate if the good one is free,” Benito insisted as he opened the door.
Emi rolled her eyes, tugging on Jeffrey’s sleeve to pull him along. “Let’s go, before Benito and Luis get us banned from the park.”
As they all piled out the door, Jeffrey let himself get swept up in the noise. Luis was teasing Benito about being too old for swings, and Emi was muttering complaints about the sun being too bright. Jeffrey joked about Emi turning into Benito, who never seemed to take his sunglasses off, even inside.
By the time the group arrived at the park, Jeffrey felt at least a little bit better. At least, enough that the smile on his face wasn't quite so strained.
"Mira! The swings are empty!" Luis yelled, pointing to the indeed empty swing set.
"First one there gets the good swing!" Diego declared, joining in on the fun. The words had barely left his mouth before Benito, Luis, and Diego took off, pushing each other in order to get there first.
"Idiotas," Emi muttered, though Jeffrey could tell she was smiling. She went off after them, probably to make sure they didn't kill each other or something. Jeffrey was about to follow, when something caught his eye. A small shiny object, a few feet away in the grass.
Interested, Jeffrey went to pick it up. When he brought it up to his face, his breath caught in his throat. It was a ring.
It was a dusky silver color, with two small rubies, like eyes. Like that- that other ring, the one that had been taken with his finger.
Jeffrey felt his breath quicken, and it was stupid! Because this was just some stupid ring.
He tried to laugh it off, but the sound came out shaky. It was just a ring. A random piece of jewelry someone had lost. It couldn’t be that ring- the one Panacea had taken with his finger.
His brain didn’t care. His hands trembled, and his eyes locked onto the stump that was left of his finger.
And suddenly, it was like he wasn’t at the park anymore. Jeffrey was lying on a cool metal table, arms and legs bound. His eyes had been covered, and the blindfold was wet with his tears.
He struggled yelled, tried desperately to escape, but it was no use. Something hard hit his head, and he cried out.
“Calm down,” a cold voice said, sharp and emotionless. “Or there’ll be a bullet through your brain.”
Jeffrey froze, his breath catching in his throat. He felt the weight of a gun press against his temple, the cold metal biting into his skin. His heart pounded in his chest, each beat louder than the last. A sharp prick on his hand made him gasp, and it wasn’t long before his hand lost feeling. Someone tightened grabbed his wrist, and his middle finger felt a sudden pressure.
The voices around him echoed in his mind, distorted, as if they were underwater. Panacea’s scientists murmured clinically, discussing his fate like he wasn’t even human. Study the ring, they said, find its connection to Nidere.
Jeffrey began to feel lightheaded as his breath came faster and faster. He couldn’t pass out though- he didn’t want to wake up and find himself without a finger.
He was trembling, so much so that he felt like he was in an earthquake. The hand on his wrist became two, and their grips tightened and tightened andtightenedandtightenedandtightenedand-
“-effrey? Jeffrey? Jeffrey, can you hear me?” Jeffrey was jerked out of the memory, and his head shot up. Benito, Luis, Diego, Emi- they were all staring at him. God he was pathetic. They were probably judging him, for how overdramatic he was being. Why couldn't he just hold it together-
"Jeffrey, hey, are you okay? Come on, you need to breath. Copy me, okay?" Diego stood face-to-face with him, his voice calm but firm. He took a deep breath, demonstrating for Jeffrey. “In, hold it, and out. You got this. In, hold, out.”
Jeffrey stared at him, still trembling, his heart racing like it would never slow down. His staggered beathing slowed a bit, as he tried to copy Diego's breathing. In, hold, out. In, hold, out.
After a few moments, Jeffrey’s breaths steadied, though his hand still trembled slightly. He wiped at his face, embarrassed by the tears he hadn’t even realized were there. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t- I didn’t mean to freak out like that.”
Diego frowned, and said, "It's okay, Jeffrey. You don't have to apologize. You've helped all of us with our own shit." Noises of agreement came from the group.
Jeffrey, though, only shook his head. "No, no, it's not okay. All the stuff you guys went through is so much worse than what I went through. I don't deserve- deserve to do this. To freak out like this."
This time, it was Benito who spoke. "First of all, that's not how trauma works. Like, at all. Second of all, what the fuck are you talking about? You realize you were also running from infecteds and that thing, too, right? You lost your finger, Pizza boy. Doesn't get much more traumatizing than that."
Jeffrey bit his lip. “But you guys lost people. What’s a finger compared to that?”
Benito scowled a bit and opened his mouth to speak, but Luis cut him off. “What Benito means to say is, you’re allowed to be hurt, Jeffrey. Whether our trauma is “worse” or not. It’s not selfish, or whatever the hell you’ve been telling yourself, it’s human.”
“Oh.” Jeffrey breathed softly. He’d been so ready to just ignore whatever he was feeling that hearing them felt sort of… freeing, in a way. “I’m sorry, I just… didn’t want to bother you guys.”
Emi rolled her eyes. “Jeffrey, don’t be an idiot. You couldn’t bother us.”
Jeffrey let out a small laugh, his shoulders relaxing just a bit. “Thanks, guys. I… I really needed that.”
Diego gave him a gentle pat on the back. “We’re here for you, okay? Just like you’ve been here for us.”
The group fell into a comfortable silence for a moment, no one quite feeling the need to speak. Jeffrey looked down at the ring in his hand. Now that he saw it again, it didn’t look like the Nidere ring, not really. It was a bit too silvery, and it lacked the monster’s muzzle that the other had. The biggest similarity was the tiny twin rubies.
Maybe it was good that he’d mistaken it, though. Have them a chance to… talk.
“Come on,” Luis said, breaking the silence. “The swings are calling.”
“Yeah, before Benito hogs the good one,” Diego teased, earning a shove from Benito.
Jeffrey smiled, genuinely this time. He glanced at the ring one more time, before placing it on the ground where he’d found it. Someone might come looking for it later.
As they walked toward the swings, laughing and teasing each other like weight of the shit from Greenland didn’t weigh on all of them. Maybe for the moment, it didn’t. Maybe he wasn’t entirely fine yet, but he wasn’t alone. And that made all the difference.
For the first time in a long while, he let himself breathe.