Work Text:
The first time he sees him it’s in his condo. His old condo. He’s pretty sure he had driven all the way to his apartment, but somehow, he ended up in the living room of a place where he had been evicted over a year ago. Hesitantly, he walks up to what he knows used to be his bedroom, puzzled by the strange noises that seem to come from down the hall. He opens the door, and is shocked when he sees himself in bed in a strange orgy consisting of Britta, Annie, the Dean’s former secretary, that escort Pierce took to the STD Awarenes Fair, Amber, Gwynniffer, and his ex-girlfriend, Michelle. For some reason, though, he’s wearing a suit, and his bed is actually his Lexus, except it’s made out of gold.
He wakes up with the strangest boner. It’s strange, because he definitely can’t remember what his subconscious had just made him see.
The second time happens a couple of weeks after that first encounter. But this time it’s in his apartment. He’s sitting there, in a great-looking $4,000 suit, cleanly shaven, flipping through the TV channels and drinking some scotch.
“Hey there” he calls as he comes in.
Jeff is a bit too confused to answer. How do you reply to yourself?
“How you doing, handsome? Come and sit down next to me” he motions with his head, and pats the seat next to him. He blinks, and when he opens his eyes, he’s already on his couch.
“Love what you’ve done with the place” says his nice-suit self in a sarcastic tone. “I remember back when we used to have good taste.” He finishes as he eyes Jeff’s shoes. He empties his scotch and puts the glass back on the coffee table.
“At least, I know I still do,” he growls as he leans in on Jeff, and sneaks his hand under his shirt. Jeff is too startled to react, not that he feels the need to do anything. His other self runs one of his hands across his stomach, caressing his abs, before using the other one to slowly unbutton his shirt. Jeff is now leaning down on the couch, almost completely. His other self smiles hungrily, as he pats his chest and runs his eyes down Jeff’s torso.
“We have been working out, haven’t we?” His former lawyer self asks with a smirk. Jeff arches an eyebrow, and gives him a “Duh-doi” look.
“I thought so. I didn’t remember this shirt being so tight last year. I like it.” He whispers running one finger down the curves formed by his chest and abdomen “I’m sure the girls in your study group like it too.” Jeff looks up and gives him a proud “of course” smirk, but is taken aback when his other self’s smile turns into a frown as he grabs his genitals.
“Your balls though. They’ve gotten pretty small.” He snarls and gives him a disgusted look.
He wakes up bathed in sweat, and all he can remember is something about sharks flying over poppycock fields.
‘Well, that was one strange dream…’ he thinks to himself before trying to go back to sleep.
The third time they meet, it’s at Greendale, in the library study-room. He’s wearing another great suit, and sitting on the empty chair next to his. He’s texting himself, apparently, because he gets a message with a 8=> shortly after his other self puts his Blackberry down and gives him a seductive grin.
“Hello there, gorgeous” He tells himself as Jeff enters the room. “I assumed I’d find you here, seeing how you spend most of your time surrounded by this new ‘family’ of yours.” He elaborates.
Jeff looks down and wonders where his clothes went, and why his former self is now also naked and walking up to him. As he sees himself approach, he cant stop staring at that mouth of his, that, when not framed by a neatly-trimmed scruff, looks a shade too rosy to be considered natural in an adult male (but it is). They kiss, and it is everything he’s ever wanted and expected from a partner and never actually got. They both run their hands all over each other, exploring their toned bodies, caressing every inch of flesh over every well-defined muscle as they get closer until they’re rubbing their chest against each other. His former lawyer self pushes him onto the table, and proceeds to nibble at his jaw, kiss him down through his neck, and onto his chest, and finish on one of his nipples.
“God!” Jeff moans, and he can feel his other self’s smile on his chest.
His other self lifts his face up and stares down on him.
“God! You’re SO good-looking…” Jeff tells his other face, as he stares at his own features. He knows that, were it not for his forehead and scruff, his face would be considered pretty feminine.
“You have a girly nose.” Comes his other self’s reply.
“Yeah, well, you have a girly chin.” Comes Jeff’s terrible retort. He doesn’t really care though, because there is someone doing to him everything he ever wanted to be done to him.
There comes an abrupt stop, however, and he notices, once he opens his eyes, that his other self is fully clothed again, and sitting up next to him. Jeff props himself up on his elbows, and stares at “his” hand lightly scratching his stomach.
“You know, just because you work out does it man you shouldn’t watch what you eat.” He mocks him, as he pats his stomach, and pinches his side. “Unless you want them to start calling you ‘Fat Jeff’” He laughs, then leaves. When Jeff turns around, he sees Neil sitting on Pierce’s regular chair. Was he there the whole time?
He wakes up with a terrible taste in his mouth.
It’s been a long night. After the whole party fiasco and that strange confession that seemed to have come out of nowhere, Jeff finally finds himself back home. He’s a bit tipsy, but not so much that he’s unable to tuck Chang in his couch.
He falls asleep in his suit, and dreams himself wearing it.
“Awwwn, you dressed up for me? You didn’t have to…” Comes his other self’s greeting. They’re at the Greendale cafeteria. “It’s not like the place deserves it anyway. I guess that would explain your new found interest in terrible clothing.” He finishes as he stands up to fix Jeff’s tie. “You’re looking a bit wrinkly though. Remember, these need to be taken care of. You could also use a shave, who are you? George Michael?” He remarks as he grabs Jeff’s face and leans in for a kiss, to which Jeff backs down.
“Whoa! Are we shy now?”
“Who the hell are you and why are you still here?” Jeff’s demands angrily. His other self looks into his eyes, smiles, and then lets out a loud laugh.
“Wow! This place has really done a number on you. First the clothes, then the women, and now the brain too?” He says as he steps back and puts his hands inside his pockets and smiles evily. “I’m you. Or, well at least the the only part of you that’s worth anything that’s left. The only thing this school-shaped toilet seems to have left intact. I’m your pride, man.” Jeff stares at him quizzically. “I’m the nice suits, the condo, the car, the girls, the glory, the power, the face” he says as he points a finger to his smile and closes the distance between himself and the new Jeff.
“But more importantly,” he continues as he wraps his arms around Jeff’s waist “I’m the only one who can still love you, despite how pathetic you are.” He whispers venomously in Jeff’s ear. “Not your ex-girlfriend,” he nibbles on his lobe, “not Britta,” he lowers his hands so they rest on Jeff’s ass, “not Annie,” he kisses his lips, “not Abed,” he kisses him again, with more force this time, “not Troy, not Shirley, not Pierce,” he nibbles down his neck, “and definitely, not our mom.” He pulls back and stares into his eyes. “I’m all we’ve got. This pretty face of ours, this amazing body you work so hard for. That’s all there is.” Jeff pushes him away as he leans in for another kiss.
“Shut up!” He yells, but doesn’t say anything else. His former self laughs at him. It is a loud and long laugh.
“That’s all you’ve got?” He’s still laughing “Look at you! You insecure mess! You used to be a lawyer, and now you spend your afternoons inside a study room with a group of losers, caring about their feelings and lifes and what they think of you.” He composes himself and smirks at him for a couple of seconds. “But as much of a joke as you are, I still love you. I always will. So long as you stay the cutest boy around.” He turns around and leaves.
Jeff wakes up to the sound of a knocking on his door.
“Jeff!! I’m scared… I can’t sleep.” It’s Chang.
“Yeah? Well, what do you want me to do?” He replies with his face on his pillow.
“Can I sleep with you?”
“NO!”
He can hear Chang retreating. He falls back asleep. His former self is nowhere to be seen.
For the next 6 weeks or so, Jeff’s behaviour turns really insecure. He doesn’t know where that comes from.