Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

His wife was uncharacteristically soft when standing next to him. She was a contrast to every person who had ever entered his life. He’d lain with women before, reveled in their scent and let himself be comforted by them. They liked him enough, he knew he was attractive, so of course like everything else in his life, he would take advantage of that.

People are easy to judge him, call him a slut for being passed around by so many women, he wordlessly just shows his bank account with only a smirk.

Being held by them made him feel like he was fitting into an indescribable mold, one that he had been forced to shape all of his life. Even with clawing nails at his back, teeth marks in the juncture of his neck, he felt like they were staking meaningless claim then actually reveling in the moment— to say that they conquered him, the ghost of the zenin clan.

—“My name is Fuuki Fushiguro.” She had said with a smile, extending a hand out welcomingly. Toji ignored it. She didnt seem to mind his cold demeanor, taking his silence as a means to sit next to him, watching as the horses ran as fast as they could. She seemed pretty old fashioned to try and introduce herself upright to a stranger.

It was a quiet day, a Wednesday. Maybe if it were a Friday or later in the day it would be louder, more exciting, but Toji always hated the noise. It made it easier to blend in, but it also brought along a headache. He just hoped this woman wouldn’t be a headache.

They continue watching in silence, Fuuki holding her bag gingerly in her lap. She wore a bakery uniform, she must be on break.

A hoof slips, going sideways, the horse falls on its face, being passed one by one by other horses. It laid on the ground, eyes filled with the mirth of silenced pain, the same as Tojis own. For some reason, he felt a sort of hatred for the horse, if only it had been stronger, it would have won. He should have really betted on another one…

Sniffling came from beside him, he sneakily looked over as to not make a big fuss over it, but felt himself pause. Fuuki was wiping her snot away with a tissue, tears falling down without stop as she stared at the twitching horse in agony.

“Uh…” Toji wasn’t well equipped for these situations, women rarely cry in-front of him— they know better, or at least should. He doesn’t know whether to ignore the woman or not and just continue watching the race, a part of him tells him to laugh inappropriately, but he doesn’t do anything, just stares at her.

She didn’t seem to take it as offensive. She steadied her voice as best she could, “I don’t understand why they wouldn’t stop the race, it’s so cruel…”

“It’s life.” Toji said slowly, eyes now back to the racetrack. “Horses get hurt a lot in this type of racing.” He thought back to previous races he’d gone to, horses dying in-front of the people’s eyes, bones cracking. He never batted an eye back then, he had seen crueler sights, by his own hand too.

He forgot he could sympathize, by the way the woman stared at the horse so sincerely, he almost felt like he understood why she was crying. Maybe in another life, if he was a different, a more untrained man, he would be shedding tears for the animal aswell.

Instead, he was molded into this. “If you’re going to cry every-time that happens, maybe this sort of thing isn’t for you.”

Fuuki seemed to listen to what he had to say sincerely, taking it in as she let her tears air-dry. “I don’t think that’s true at all.” She finally said, staring into Tojis eyes. “Even if it is bound to happen, doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t be mourned.”

Scratching his face, he felt a little embarrassed by the woman’s determined reaction. Maybe he’s just been hanging out with the wrong kind of girls, cause most of them would pull on him to get the hell out of there, or would laugh. He never questioned their reactions, they didn’t seem wrong. He thought that it was normal.

“I guess you’re right.” He finally sighs out, standing up with his hands in his pockets.

“You’re going?” She asks, staring up at him like a wide eyed doe. “But you haven’t seen the end yet?”

“Yes, I have.” Toji says as he shows his ticket, the same number the fallen horse was displayed on it. “No need for me to be here if mines already a no-go.”

The woman bites her lip, seemingly disappointed by his departure. A part of him felt a little warm, ‘cute’ was all he could think to himself. Before he could walk away, the woman said loudly, “I’ll give you half my earnings!” Blush tinted her cheeks slightly as she held up her ticket to Toji. “If we win, then we can share.”

He stared at her, eyes widening slightly at her sudden change in demeanor. Why did she want him to stay so badly? Well, misery does love company.

He tries hard to not smile, but it comes anyway. “Alright,” he slumps back down, the woman silently cheering next to him. He gives her a joking look, “But if we lose, you have to pay for my meal.” Just because he finds her cute doesn’t mean he wouldn’t get something out of this.

—

Fuuki giggled happily as she walked out the establishment with her check of ‘700,00 yen.’ Holding it up and looking at it with stars in her eyes, “I wonder how much bread this can get me!”

Toji just stared at her, shaking his head. He hadn’t really expected her to win, he felt like he’d been cheated for doubting her. “Don’t tell me you forgot the deal you made with me, lady.”

“You need to learn better manners.” She snapped at him, smiling teasingly. They made their way to the bank to exchange the check, and keeping to her word, gave half to Toji.

She shuffled nervously on her feet, hands fiddling with her bag straps. “Are you busy right now?”

Cars passed by them as the intersection sign held a symbol to go. He tilted his head up at the sky, it was nighttime now. When Toji really thought about it, he was supposed to be back at the clan forever ago, he really wasn’t planning to stay for so long. He was already in trouble for god knows what. Whatever, he could deal with the consequences later, if he gets a free meal, it will well be worth it.

Again, not caring for his silence, she hooked an arm around his and started walking forward once the light insinuated so. “What about street food? I’m kind of in the mood for takoyaki…”

“I like sit down establishments more,” Toji put in, not bothering to move her arm. In the dead of the night, he felt kind of happy to have company like this, he hadn’t had genuine company in a long time.

Fuuki nodded at his preference. “Hm, well there should be some good joints down town, that is, if you’re willing to go with me?” She flashed him a smile once more, eyes sparkling. It almost took his breath away, almost. He crinkles his eyes in an attempt not to smile and ignores her once more.

—

“Why did you sit next to me.” Toji asked as they ate, slurping on his ramen as he waited for his answer. Fuuki stared down at her own bowl, seemingly contemplating what to say. “Well, when I first saw you, I just thought that you… looked really sad.”

“So you wanted to cheer me up?” He deadpanned

“Not really.” A hand cradled her cheek as she stir her noodles mindlessly.“I just thought that, you know, misery loves company— or something like that…”

“And plus, you look really strong, you probably have some dangerous line of work, right? So a girl like me definitely couldn’t comfort a guy like you.” She hadn’t said it in a self deprecating tone, but more of that she was so sure that she was correct on that.

He sweeped in to steal a little bit of her meat, biting it roughly as she looked at him in shock. “Hey!”

“I don’t comfort people.” He says. “You probably caught onto that. But…” he wasn’t really sure what to say. “I guess I’m a little confused on why’d you approach me if I looked so dangerous.” He put ‘dangerous’ in air quotes despite knowing full-well that he in fact was.

She seemed to take it serious enough though. “Well, it was in broad daylight, right? So you wouldn’t be able to hurt me.”

Toji wanted to correct her and say that he could have, he would just have to kill everyone else in the vicinity, but he opted out of that response.

“So what kind of work do you think I do?” I posed the question, stuffing another round of noodles into his mouth.

She tapped her cheek, eyes looking at the ceiling as if the answer would appear there.

“Well, maybe you’re a contract killer. That’s popular, isn’t it? A guy like you looks like he could take on 3 guys at once! Maybe even 7!”

“Don’t say it like that…”

“Or maybe you work for the black market, is that a thing here?”

“The black market is a thing everywhere.” Toji sighed getting annoyed. He leans in with a smirk, crowding her space a little bit. “What if I said I was from the Zenin clan?”

Fuuki didn’t bother to move back, not particularly scared. “The Zenin clan?” She repeats.

Now that Toji thought about it, the Zenin clan would be seen as harmless— at least by the majority of non sorcerers. Outside of sorcery and the like, they relied on their political power to overcome expectations from the ‘real world.’

“Nevermind. Don’t even worry about it.” He slumps back in his seat with a sigh, looking out the window. “You wouldn’t want to get tied up in it anyways.”

“Who says?” She asks him. She puts her chin down on the table, feigning sadness. “My life is really boring! I work at a bakery, do you think I get a lot of action?”

“Girls like you should be happy they have normal lives.” Toji says with a full mouth, poking her in the middle of her forehead.

She thinks to herself for a moment before going. “Do you want a normal life?”

Did he? Toji had thought about it before, dreamed about it, killed for it. But the more he fought towards getting out of the Zenin clan the more he realized there was no normal life for a person of his caliber. Could he really work a 9-5, work himself to death, then come home to a wife that he probably didn’t love? In the long run, maybe sticking to something he at least knew by soul would be better for a person like him.

“No.” He puts plainly. She doesn’t ask him why, maybe by his silence she thought not to bother, Toji wouldn’t have bothered either.

“Well, what do you want then? Right now, I want a new job but you see, my friend from highschool works there so it’s just convenient, and!—” and then she just kept on going. Toji never knew a woman could talk so much. Well, that’s wrong— he’s met many women who love to talk about themselves, all boring, he never pretended to be interested in what they said, he thinks they were into it.

“Listen!” She chided loudly, poking his head hard with her chopsticks to snap him back to reality.

“What the hell?” Toji muttered gruffly, rubbing at the red, somewhat oily spot, on his forehead now.

She crossed her arms over her chest, seemingly proud of her exploits. “You were spacing out, I just wanted to help.” This might be the worst date Toji had ever been on. But to avoid getting the chopstick attack route again, he did try to make it look like he was listening at least somewhat, it wasn’t as hard as he thought.

Fuuki had an average life. She graduated highschool with average grades, and she even had an average family situation. Everything that Toji wasn’t, it was laughable. Soon after, the woman checked her phone and gasped, standing up abruptly. “I gotta go!”

“Uh… already?” Toji responded, getting rocked out of his stupor. He stood up aswell, following her out the door with a strange feeling in his chest.

“You’re a bad boy, not a good girl like me who has a curfew.” She smiled while typing on her phone. “Plus, you probably want this over with, right?”

“Right.” Toji repeated, though a little unsure. They stood there watching the cars pass, waiting for the little walking diagram to pop up. In the distance Toji saw a group of girls giggling to themselves, shopping bags in each arm. He wonders if Fuuki wanted to be doing what they were doing.

“I had a really nice time.” Fuuki spoke through the silent train station. He hadn’t meant to walk her there, really— his feet kind of just decided for him. It was pitch black outside, though, it didn’t feel like it had been as long as it had been to Toji.

She looks at him nervously, a thin, wry smile on her face. “Did you have a nice time?”

Toji didn’t comfort people, nor did he lie to them— so he really thought about it. He got to eat, and he didn’t have to talk much, and she never pried into his personal life. He never liked hearing people talk about themselves, but Fuuki kept it brief and then asked him some questions. Overall, it wasn’t horrible.

“I think I had a good time.” He murmured into his hand, avoiding her eyes.

She had a silent glint in them, though she looked a bit sad. “Is it alright if I tell you something before I go? We probably won’t see eachother again, I usually don’t tell strangers this.”

He just let out a quiet huff, looking to the floor. He didn’t really care for what she had to say.

She shuffled nervously on her feet. “I have a heart disease, I’ve had it since I was born.” She paused to stare at Tojis face only to look straight ahead again, looking more determined. “You asked me why I wasn’t scared to talk to you even though I thought you were dangerous. Well, that’s why. If I’m going to die sooner or later, my own body would hurt me more than any burly guy ever could.”

Toji opened his mouth to say something, maybe to retort the last sentence, to tell her he knows over 500 ways to rip her head off, yet he doesn’t say that. Much like the first time, she leaves him without any words.

“You don’t like comforting people, I know.” She says as though reading his mind. “When I saw you there, I guess you just reminded me a lot of myself, even if we’re really different.”

“You’re going to die. That’s the difference.” He blurts without thinking.

“Wow, really?” She doesn’t seem offended though, she just shakes her head while keeping a smile. “I just thought you should know. A stranger with my secret… ah, how exciting!” she seemed to be trying to play off her confession, but Toji could see her wiping her sweaty hands on the apron tied around her waist.

In the end, he thought that maybe there was some kind of resemblance. They were both born into something they didn’t ask for, and they both would probably die by just trying to live.

“You work at a bakery. Right?”

She blinked, chuckling awkwardly. “Why would I tell you what bakery I work at..”

Toji just stared at her dead panned. “Weren’t you the one who gave me the name of the high-school you went to?”

Fuuki sighed, digging in her pockets before making an affirmative sound that she found something. She offered it to Toji, that being a creased business card for a bakery.

“I’ll be honest, don’t come, please.” She smiled nervously. “It will be weird with you knowing my secret and all.”

Chapter Text

Toji doesn’t like bakeries. Now that he thinks about it, he doesn’t like a lot of things. When he was younger he would find himself wandering the streets at random intervals during the day, mostly during the afternoon. He didn’t get a normal education like most kids did, so it was full of bountiful boredom.

Ah, it wasn’t that he hated bakeries, it was just that they were so…

“Boring.” He grumbled outloud, his gaze casting over the beige walls and displays. Then again— even if there were monster trucks and dinosaurs decorating the place, he still wouldn’t be impressed, guess a childhood so lack luster would leave you like that.

A woman emerged from the back, short, black hair. It was Fuuki, but she looked more focused than before. She didn’t even notice Toji until he let out a grunt.

“Ah, sir,” she started, her eyes making their way to his face, “what can I get…” she stared at him for a few moments, mouth in an ‘o’ formation. She whipped her head around side to side to check her surroundings before glaring at him dangerously. “I told you not to come!”

“And I said no promises. Guess we both are disappointed.”

She seemed to deflate at his response. “You don’t like it?”

“Yeah.” Toji said honestly, looking around. “Not much personality to the place, maybe aside from over there,” he points over to a small display in the corner, a fake pumpkin cake that was stabbed with a knife, including fake blood. “That’s cool as fuck.”

“Ah! I made that!” Fuuki clapped her hands together. “I’m an art major, so—” She then clapped her hand over her mouth. “Oops… well, now you know, scary man.”

“I thought you said you weren’t scared of me?” He teased.

“Well!” she seemed to think something to herself then quickly forgot. “Whatever. Anyways. The pumpkin was good practice!

“For killing?”

“No!” She huffed. Fuuki walked out from behind the counter to the display, Toji couldn’t help but take her in. She wore a long, dark pleated skirt with a soft blue sweatshirt to complement it, the same apron as before adorning on top of them. He couldn’t help but think it suited her soft personality.

Fuuki lifted the case that was sealing the pumpkin, pointing at the blood splatter on top of it. “I was practicing blood splatters. Let’s see… all blood splatters are different. Like if you were to shoot someone at a 90 degree angle…” she made finger guns at Toji, making a mocking ‘pew!’ noise, “then it would form a perfect circle splatter on the wall.”

Toji took a closer look at the pumpkin, leaning in closer to Fuuki to the point he was breathing down her neck. Speaking directly into her ear, he spoke: “were you practicing with wounds too?”

She nodded, although more meekly than before. “Uh, yeah! That’s why I chose a stab wound, also, because carving a gun would be too hard.”

Toji finally leaned back, whistling softly. “Still impressive either way.” Fuuki instinctively put her hand behind her neck, feeling the memory of Toji behind her. Once she saw that he was back at the counter, she scrambled to put the case back on and to return to her post.

“Did you want to try anything?” She asked shyly, pointing to their small window of treats. “I’ll be honest— if you find the interior boring, then you’ll probably find this boring too…”

“Which ones did you make?” Toji cut her off. “I’ll get the ones you’ve made.”

Flushing slightly, she pointed to the cupcakes. “The cupcakes are my speciality, though, they don’t really suit you.”

“I’ll take one, and one for you too.”

“What?!”

“What?” Toji shrugged. “I want to eat it with you, is that so strange?”

“Uh, I guess not…” she blinked before getting to packaging. ‘What is with this guy…’ she thought to herself.

“What does that mean?” Toji furrowed his brow.

“Oops, I said that out loud..”

—

From what Fuuki gathered from their first outing the day before, Toji was, for lack of better wording, predictable. As she approached him at the horse race, an imaginary checklist took place in her head.

-Edgy looking? Yep.

-Some sort of facial scar? Yep.

-Socially inept? Yes and yes.

She wasn’t surprised that he fit the exact description of a bad boy. Even when she finally got a conversation going with him, it was almost surprising his lack of interest for her. It wasn’t until she got fed up that she did something about it. I mean, did he just think she’d continue speaking to a brick wall? Listen to me, dammit!

So, that’s why it came as a surprise when the first thing he asked her as they sat down was why she decided to be an art major.

“Eh?” She said, or at least tried to, as she was mid bite into her cupcake. A Halloween themed one that she was particularly proud of— a ghost.

“What?” Toji huffed, inspecting his cupcake. 

“No, sorry, it’s just… I wasn’t expecting that from you.”

He simply rolled his eyes. “Whatever. So, why?

Fuuki had to think about it, staring intently at her cupcake like it would speak for her. Well, he already knew she was dying. Ah, that’s why he was asking. She perked up, “Are you asking why I’m bothering to persue it at all?”

Toji raised a brow, seemingly surprised by her ability to read him like a book. ‘He really doesn’t know how simple boys are…” Fuuki couldn’t help think to herself.

“Well, yeah.” He squirmed in his seat, trying to get comfortable. “If you’re going to die, it’s not like that degree will do anything for you in the future.”

Blunt like before. Fuuki smiled, “so are you saying that I should spend the rest of my days in misery, withering away at home?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But you implied it.” Fuuki grinned, having fun poking his buttons. “Seriously. This is why I don’t tell people, and why I didn’t want to see you again, because I hate stupid questions..”

“Nobody else knows? Not even your parents? And here I thought you were a good girl with a pure soul.”

Fuuki just sighed, leaning back in her chair. “My parents do know!— but It’s not like I have an exact date of when I die. Not even a ‘you have 3 months to live’ situation.” She smiles softly to herself, “all I know is that I’ll just die sooner than most.”

“Yesterday.” Toji interrupted. “Maybe it’s your guilty conscious finally taking a bite out of you. That made you approach me.”

Fuuki went silent, still silently looking at her cupcake, before turning her gaze back to her partner. “I want to be an illustrator, I want to draw portraits of all sorts of people!”

Toji couldn’t hide his laugh, not like he tried to. “Really?”

She flushed, taking another bite out of her cake. “is it that hard to believe?”

Toji thought to himself for a few moments. Tracing back to their first interaction yesterday, she seemed like interacting with people was second nature— so unlike Toji, who doesn’t mind being spared details. The way she looked at everything with wonder in her eyes made some sort of horrible emotion fester inside of him. Not because she looked at everything with it, which was naive, but because she looked at him that way too. That she looked at him like he was something worth painting. When he’s looks at his target, he doesn't sit to admire their beauty, their wrinkles, nor their hair. He doesn’t need their whole life story or their weaknesses and the like. Maybe that’s what makes him so inhuman.

“It suits you.” Toji finally decided on saying. “But again, why study it if you’re, you know. Gonna kick the bucket.”

Fuuki tapped her lips with her fork before saying. “I guess I want to feel normal. I want to think there’s life after this, you know?”

“I don’t know.” Toji grunted. “It just seems stupid.”

“Maybe.” She sighs, staring out the window. “I’m not even a good student, I can rarely go to classes because I’m busy working to leave stuff behind for my parents.” She slumped forward, pouting. “There’s no time for fun when you’re dying.”

Fuuki turned back to Toji, cocking her head. “What about you, do you go to school?”

“I don’t.” Toji said truthfully, coughing into his fist. “I don’t have time for that shit, either.”

She simply just laughed, shaking her head. “Right. If you ever did major in something, maybe you’d be…” she leaned in closer, peering up at Tojis eyes. He wanted to shift his gaze away, but he felt frozen under her intense stare.

“I got it!” She exclaimed. “You’d be a good veterinarian.”

“Really now? The guy that you assume kills things for a living would be a good doctor?” Toji smirks, laying his cheek against his fist. “You’re funny.”

Fuuki simply nodded, smiling. “I mean, you’re immune to animals in pain, right? Like before, at the…” her smile faltered, eyes squinting as she remembers the sight of the horse.

“I’ve been seeing that shit for a long time. Doesn’t mean I’d be any good in that field.” 

“I guess so. But the same goes for me. I mean, I’ll probably be dead before I can create a real masterpiece,” she laughed softly, though there was an undertone of sadness.

Before Toji could think, he already muttered out, “don’t say that.”

“Huh?” Fuuki leaned forward, mouth in an “o.” “Are you saying you don’t want me dead?”

“If you died tomorrow I probably wouldn’t even notice.” He laughed shallowly.

She goes quiet, just smiling awkwardly.

“Right, I have to get back to work.” Getting up clumsily, pushing her chair in, she gave Toji one last glance.

“Wait.” He got up as well, grabbing her wrist, brows knitted together. “I want to take you somewhere.”

She pursed her lips, squinting at him. “Why would I do that? Do I have a bounty on my head or something? Do you want to kill me?”

“I don’t know.” He sounded frustrated, his grip on her wrist tightening. “I just think it’ll be worth your while”

“He could just say he wants to see me again.” Fuuki thought to herself— rolling her eyes whilst smiling, putting a hand an over the one gripping her wrist. “Okay, but you have to promise me something.”

“No promises?” Toji grinned slightly, the scar forming a slight cleft making his lips perk up even more than usual. It was a scary smile, more uncanny than anything, but it made Fuuki feel soft and light.

“Just don’t fall in love with me or anything.” She said as she flicked his head, spinning on her heels to go in back. “You can pick me up tomorrow after my shift! I get off at 6.” She yelled behind herself.

“Ha! I should be telling you that! I have a whole roster, you would just be another addition” Toji said back, not needing to yell as his normal volume was already pretty loud. He could hear her laughing from the back.

“Oh I’m sure you’re popular.” She said teasingly, handing him a bag. “Bad boys like you always get the girls, huh?”

“What’s this all about?” He inspected the inside of the bag, squinting. “A fish?”

“It’s a worm, doofus!” She huffed. “See, it’s a purple worm with a cute face.”

“Why a worm?” He laughed. “It’s ugly as hell.”

“Then don’t eat it, but it’s for free. Now get out of my Café, you’re scaring all my customers off.”

Toji didn’t respond back, turning around and lifting a hand to wave at her lazily.

“I probably wouldn’t even notice if you died.” The words reiterated themselves in his mind, making Tojis face tighten and drawn together. What he said, it was hard to believe for himself. Be it because of the look on Fuukis face when he had said that, or maybe because she simply had wormed her way into his life after just two meetings.

All he knew was that he really wanted to see her again, no matter the consequences. He finally had something to look forward to after work.

Chapter Text

“I can’t believe I said such corny stuff..” Fuuki tugged the pillow tight against her chest, burying her face in it. She acted way too bold, when in reality, she knew that someone like Toji definitely wouldn’t fall in love with her. Which is okay! Because she would never like a guy like him!

It made her sad a little, she really didn’t understand why though. She’s only ever had one boyfriend, and that was in middle school! He was nothing like Toji… he was more like a pushover.

Thinking back on it, maybe there was another reason she approached Toji— though, it made her feel bad to even think about. He was unlike anyone she’d ever met. He was scary and could carry his own weight. Maybe she just wanted someone who could help carry her weight too.

Fuuki was what you would consider a “Gyaru” back in middle school. Trying to stick to the regime as best as she could whilst still following the dress code, she wore lots of colorful pins in her hair and saggy white socks to cover her boring, brown shoes. Most parents would be shocked, but hers were neutral on it. Believing it to just be a phase, that only made her even more determined to stand out.

Guys would turn away and or look at her with disgust, which she found to be funny. It wasn’t like she was dressing for them, anyways. But there was one guy, a nerdy one that was her upperclassmen, who somehow managed to woo her. He wasn’t quiet, just reserved but had a loud, booming voice. At first, Fuuki didn’t like him. She found him to be too cookie cutter of other guys to her taste, but she loved the idea of having a boyfriend. Plus, maybe guys would stop harassing her once they knew.

It happened on the subway.

A boy, clearly younger than them both, was sitting in their seats. It was crowded, so Fuuki and her boyfriend had to hang onto the bar right next to it. The boy just kept on putting a hand on her knee, then smoothing her skirt out with a knowing smirk. His friends beside him snickered, she felt sick.

She told them to stop it, but it must have not gotten across to them, because her voice wavered and sounded unsure. She turned to her boyfriend for comfort, but he wasn’t looking at her, he was looking at them.

“Just drop it,” he had murmured to her. “We’re almost there.”

He was always quick to stop bullying, and his voice was commanding enough to shut anyone down. Apparently, just not for her. She didn’t cry, she did run away as fast and she could when the subway finally stopped. And when she looked back, he was just standing there. Later that night, he had texted her to apologize— but why would it matter? He didn’t do anything then when she needed him.

Fuuki learned she had to hold her own weight, and that even if she wavered, she would never look to someone else again. She couldn’t.

“You’re early?” Fuuki thought aloud when she finally clocked off her shift.

Toji huffed, despite the cold weather, he still only sported a short sleeved t-shirt. “What, you gonna judge me for doing something good?”

She laughed in her hand, shaking her head. “It’s just unexpected. I thought you would make me wait 20 minutes or something.”

“I’m an asshole, but I have places to be.” Toji scoffed, situating himself on the bike. “I know you think I’m a bad boy, but I’m shit poor— so I only have this two seater cycle. No cool motor-cycle, sorry, babe.”

“Don’t go calling me babe!” Fuuki chided, hopping in the back. “And who cares? Motor-cycles are too loud, anyways.”

He didn’t respond, only cycling forward. It felt a little comedic, a grown man riding a motor cycle… she kept giggling to herself. Toji didn’t have the heart to tell her that it wasn’t his bicycle and that he had stolen it.

—

“The cherry trees?” She felt her face twitch, or maybe it was just because of the cold.

“Girls like this kind of stuff, don’t they?” Toji said with a smirk, leaning forward with his hands stuffed in his pockets. He was too prideful to admit he was cold.

“Uh, yeah, we do! But maybe not at night? Or in the winter?” Fuuki explained exasperatedly, crossing her arms at the sight of the cherry trees. “Why did you take me here?”

He simply shrugged, casting his gaze towards the moon. “I dunno.”

“I dunno.” Fuuki repeated, rolling her eyes. She knew she was just tired after her day at work, and, despite it being pretty, she really didn’t want to be out all hours of the night.

“Usually,” Toji begins. “I take girls to like, I don’t know, the club, the bar, shit like that. But, I don’t know, would feel wrong taking you to shit places like that.”

Fuuki blinked, she wanted to call him thoughtful, but he was really just don’t the bare minimum. “Do you… always pick up girls?” She felt herself cringe upon saying that, it wasn’t like she was jealous, she just didn’t want Toji to get the wrong idea…

“Well, yeah— aside from my super illegal job, it’s my only source of income.”

“So you’re like… a sugar baby?”

Toji stuck out his tongue, gagging. “Yeah, fuck no, I don’t want to call myself that.”

Fuuki smiled teasingly, leaning closer into him. “You definitely are! You have sugar mommies!”

“It’s not like I ever see them again,” toji groans. “They only want me for one time, that’s enough for most.”

“Oh.” Fuuki backed off. “That’s kind of sad..”

“It isn’t really.” Toji stated, sighing. “You’re just too nice to get it.”

“… or maybe its because I’m not a sugar baby.”

“Can you let that shit go woman.”

They watched the trees sway in the wind for a little while longer. It was November now, which meant that there were barely any leafs left on them. She wouldn’t have been so upset if they had still had their pillowy pink flowers— but alas, Toji kind of sucks.

“I don’t suck.” Toji said with a pout. Oops, she said that last part out loud.

“Can we go eat?” Fuuki finally sighed out, cringing at the wind blowing in their direction. “I think I’m catching a cold by just looking at you.”

“I run hot.” Toji shrugged. “And sure, but you’re paying.”

“You take me out and then want me to pay?” Fuuki could not believe the gall of this guy.

“I got you those cupcakes, remember?”

“I guess…” Fuuki sighed, making her way to the bike. “You owe me though, next time!”

“Sure. Wait— What do you mean next time?” Toji asked.

“Mhm.” Fuuki nodded. “I doubt we won’t see eachother again after this.”

“You want to keep finding me?”

“Sure.” She smiled, repeating what he had said earlier in a deep voice to try and imitate him.

“I don’t sound like that.”

“Sure.”

The restaurant wasn’t too busy, they decided on a seafood restaurant. They sat by the bar just to make fun of drunks. People steadily came in and out, but for the most part, it was quiet.

Toji didn’t really have any friends to go to places like this with. He would mingle, sure, but not many liked his personality. He was too self absorbed, and wasn’t really interested in getting to know most people. Even with Fuuki, he still couldn’t remember much from their last conversation, and it was just yesterday. An odd part of him wanted to retrace his steps and ask again, feeling strange not knowing her every word.

A man approached their booth, Fuuki sitting directly across from him. “You look so pretty,” he  muttered by her side, some salesman who was leaning too close to her for comfort. “That your boyfriend?”

“Thanks. And no, he isn’t.” Fuuki winced at the way the man smiled at her, seemingly content with her response.

“That’s too bad. But I was going to say, if he was dating you, I was gonna chastise him!” The man laughed to himself. “I would keep a pretty thing like you home. No need for other men to look at my wife.”

All Fuuki could do was laugh nervously. “Ah, good thing I’m not your wife.”

The man opened his mouth to speak, but Toji beat him to it. “Are you done man?” He bore a bored expression on his face, cheek on his palm. “You’re grossing her the fuck out.”

The business man gulped, standing his ground. “She’s fine, I’m not even touching her.”

“I feel molested just by hearing your conversation, nasty ass.” Toji barked out a laugh. “Oh, I’m so glad I don’t flirt like you do, I would make so much less money than I do now.”

“do you have a fucking problem?” The man growled, leveraging down to Tojis height, which was a bad idea on the man’s part. She felt her heart race during the interaction, how Toji only spared a glance to the man but making sure to keep his eyes on Fuuki. He looked at her, saw her.  Fuuki was sure that Toji would uncover some hidden knife from his pocket and gut the guy, but instead he just pulled him close by the neck, whispering something in the man’s ear. Whatever he said, it seemed to have worked, because the man stumbled back with a hand to his mouth, not even bothering to throw money back at the bar before he left.

“Toji! I could have handled that by myself!” Fuuki argued, frowning.

“No shit. But it would take a lot longer with just you fighting him. Plus, I’d be kind of a dick to not like, do something.”

“Ah, so the assassin does have a heart!”

“Not an assassin, and fuck you.”

Fuuki felt a part of herself heal a little bit, though; she was rather confused what part. She just felt lighter, like something that had been bothering her for a long time could finally be put to rest. That since it had been noticed, she didn’t have to look after it just by herself anymore. 

They decided to leave, it becoming later and Fuuki having an early class. This time Toji offered to give her a ride home, they agreed that he’d drop her off a block away from her house.

As she held onto her seat situated by Toji, she couldn’t help but smile. “I wish I was like you.”

Toji winced, biting back the urge to say “hell yeah, everyone wishes they were me!” But aside from his strength and charms, he didn’t have much going for him. “You might want to rethink that.”

“You’re commanding, but you don’t overdo it, you cut straight to the point.” Fuuki makes a slice motion with her hand for the last part, giggling. “Everytime I try to defend myself, it all comes out wrong, and I just humiliate myself.”

Toji shrugged. “As a kid, I used to be really quiet. But it felt like all the anger I had in me got beaten out of me,” he let out a laugh, but realized he didn’t really find it all that funny. “So now it’s all I have. Dealing with guys like that is no problem for me.”

“Oh.” Fuuki whispers, leaning forward to the point she had her head pressed to the small of Tojis back. “It’s funny, I can tell you like talking about yourself, your voice gets a little higher.”

“I like talking in general.” Toji corrected. “I just don’t have many friends to talk to.”

His bike stopped infront of a street sign, Fuuki dismounting it and wiping off her skirt. Her eyes crinkled in an odd fashion, like she wanted to keep them open whilst smiling just to look at him longer. “Thanks for the.. uh, hangout.” She said the last part with her fingers doing air signs.

“Oh please, if it were a date, it would be a better one than that.” Toji smirked, parking the bike.

She just smiled, shaking her head. “Thanks again, I guess you don’t owe me anymore.”

“Hm?”

“Because you defended me, so next time, whatever happens, It’ll be my turn to help you!”

Toji whistled. “Don’t get too cocky, I’ll start to think you like hanging out with me.”

Fuuki nodded. “That’s because I do.” Her mouth paused before she could speak again, closing it abruptly and looking away. Toji felt frozen, even though she didn’t say something amazing— but because she said it, she likes hanging with him, that’s why it felt so warm.

“Well, bye!” Fuuki squeaked out, running into the direction of her home with nothing but a wave to show her departure. She could feel Tojis eyes on her back as she continued to run away. It probably wasn’t good for her, she could feel her chest restricting and her ribs beginning to ache. But for now, it felt like she was back on the backseat of Tojis bike, the wind blowing in her face and feeling more alive than ever before.

Chapter Text

Toji never saw a reason to have a real phone of his own. He has burners to keep up with women who come and go, he felt that having those types of messages on a personal phone felt too vulnerable. He liked flaunting himself, liked the stares, loved the affection, but it was all so fake. 

If girls saw who he really was, they’d be in for a rude awakening. 

Toji; lazing, looking up at the ceiling of a shitty apartment, wondering how everything became like this. Well, he knew, he was the reason everything was the way it is now. 

He finally left his clan, well, he had a while ago. Tojis sure that they were glad that the ghost had finally stopped haunting the compound. He only stayed because back then, he didn’t have his own place. Apartment hopping from one woman’s bedroom to the next, there was nowhere he could call home. Even now, this place felt more like a temporary shelter, much like his old room did. 

Being a contracted killer really gets you earning big. 

He lifted his burner phone to eye view again, it had been weeks, yet he didn’t dare to see Fuuki again. Less of all contact her. They hadn’t formally given each other phone numbers to one another, but he had ways. The point is, in Toji's case, this was strange. He had fought men he had no hope of winning against. When he was locked in a basement with cursed spirits, with only a knife to protect himself, he spit on them and beat their asses. The only testament to his fear was the cleft lip they left him with. 

Toji was a stranger to being a coward. 

He had connections, he knew where she worked, and where she lived, yet he didn’t dare to see her. If she would even want that. He’s not one to think about the other person, he knows that— Fuuki knows that too. She hadn’t even seen all of his horrible shit before even being able to understand him. It made him want to run away. 

So Toji does what he does best, and takes another contract. 

A CEO, who is another wannabe entrepreneur who wants to play drug dealer. Too bad for him, but Toji gets hired to take out scum like that, just to make sure the ones who are really on the top bracket, stay on the top.

The club is noisy, nothing like the bar he went to with Fuuki. He wants to get himself black-out drunk to not think about her but decides that’s a small reward for when he gets off his ass and finishes the job. 

Tojis taps his glass of water lazily, hand cradling his cheek as he looks at his victim with boredom. The man is a sleaze, hypocritical even— because Toji just watched him turn down a hostess joint. It was kind of funny, watching a drug dealer sweat at the thought of snorting coke in the back. 

A hand touches his bicep, all Toji can do is sigh as he casts his gaze to the side. It was a dainty woman, with curly, dyed brown hair with a cute white dress. She was well built, and tall, by the way she had to lean down to Tojis height whilst sitting. 

“You look lonely.” Her voice was raspy, if her breath didn’t give away that she was drunk, her dry mouth certainly did. Without caring for her situation, Toji went to jab her in the ribs lightly, before remembering his predicament. What if (and this is only hypothetical because Toji never fails a job), what if the money from this project only lasts him a month? He’ll need someone else to lessen the load, and hostesses make damn good money, she was willing as well, which was a bonus. 

He didn’t want to say it was because he didn’t want to think anymore. 

Toji tried reminding himself that he didn’t need to rely on these mechanisms. Thinking back on it, ever since he met Fuuki, he had left all the girls he’d been talking to in the dust. He told himself it was because they bore him, or because he needed to focus on getting more contracts, but in reality, he wanted it to end. Fuuki was just the stop sign to make him realize that. 

But Fuuki wasn’t here, she couldn’t be here. He couldn’t let her be here. 

“Just make sure you don’t fall in love with me!” Fuuki had said with a sly smile. She smiled too big for her small face, to the point her smile scrunched up too high where it looked like she was closing her eyes. Her wispy black hair always was a little frizzy, framing her face. 

Toji didn’t want her to win this. Toji never loses. 

“You could say that,” he finally responds, sending a sly smirk to the woman at his side. “You don’t think you could get me a drink, huh?” He really shouldn’t be drinking on the job— but fuck, it’s not like he hasn’t killed a bitch dead while drunk before. And it looks like his CEO is too busy eyeing up one of the ladies across the bar. 

The woman simply laughed. “How forward of you— I don’t even know your name!” She slapped his arm, and Toji felt himself cringe. “And don’t you think it’s a little unbecomest to ask a girl to pay for your drink?” 

Toji wanted to roll his eyes. Fuuki didn't complain when he asked her to. But that’s only because she knew he was a bum. Right now, he made sure to dress like he was here to get mad bitches. 

“I never said I was a very ethical guy,” Toji leaned closer to her, letting his breath fog her face. She breathes it in, batting her eyes like she’s high off his breath. She ends up complying with a wobbly smile, it doesn’t quite meet her eyes. He could tell she was wearing lenses to make her eyes look wider, like a doll almost. She was an eerie woman. 

After a few drinks, she invites him outback— outback being the secluded area of the dumpster where it smelt like spoilt lobster and mimosas. Well damn, Toji has fucked in worse places for a quick buck. He’ll just add another hook-up from hell onto the list. 

On the way there, Toji finally asked her name. Which was surprising, because she didn’t even know his. The drinks must have loosened him up because he usually wouldn’t give a shit. It’s not like he’s going to be the one moaning his own name. 

“It’s Karat,” she had said. Toji laughed in her face, on accident, maybe. She made bank, okay, but not enough for gold karat, so it didn’t suit her at all. She leaned in to stop his laughter, silencing him with her pink lips. She tasted like mint and cheap beer. 

They kept at it with just over the clothes touching, her rubbing herself on his thigh and him grabbing at what he could. Toji just went through the motions, almost like he was just a good old-fashioned loving machine— not even a real human being, just to exist for someone else’s pleasure.  

They lean back to catch their breaths, she’s looking at him with a strange look in her eye. It all feels hazy, as he watches her slip something in her mouth, gulping. He thinks it’s probably some shitty stimulant. 

Karats' eyes are crinkled in amusement, if Toji pretended, he could see Fuukis smile from the last time they were together. The wind in her hair as she dismounted his shitty, stolen bike. How she admitted that she liked hanging out with him. 

He forces Karats' tongue back in his mouth, anything to stop the train of thoughts coming his way. It seemed as though she hadn’t swallowed what she had earlier, letting the pill mingle in a dance between their tongues. She wasn’t letting him up for air, he realized she wanted him to swallow it, well— whatever it takes to be able to breathe again.

Once he did, she granted his wish, moving away with a smile. He let his eyes close, accepting the new feeling in his body. His hand crept under her dress, going to the back of her thigh, eyes snapping open in shock. 

A knife, a knife connected to a holster. Was it for self-defense? It seemed as if time slowed, as he looked at her face to see her smiling, differently, oddly— a mouth full of teeth. 

“It’s a shame, you picked the wrong side.” Karat laughed, waving the gun in her right hand. “If you rubbed my right thigh, you’d have found this bad boy— but I guess I can’t say one hurts more than the other.” 

Toji huffed, jumping back with the knife he grabbed. “Should have known a lady like you didn’t make an honest living.” 

She just laughed, wobbling with her gun. “I’m sure you do. That stimulant I gave the both of us cost a hefty amount, of course, it isn’t mine— it’s my bosses.” 

“I was supposed to slip it in your drink, but you were eager to let me take you outta there. I was surprised. I even thought to myself, what a whore!” She laughed to herself, slapping her thigh. 

“Weird, I thought the same thing about you!—“ Toji declared as he ran at her. At a young age, he’d been drugged with all sorts of things, to become immune to them. He remembered shaking in the corner of a room, tears leaking out with no meaning, grabbing at his arm until it left marks. He remembered the withdrawals, no one there to hold him through them. All for what? All to be able to use the last name of Zenin. 

“It’s a privilege.” An auntie had said as she peered down on him. “A useless boy like you has to earn the name of Zenin, though.” 

Karat shoots a bullet out as they circle each other, Toji parrying it with the knife in his hand. 

“Your reflexes are amazing,” she comments, licking her lips. “Too bad we met in these circumstances, I would have liked to ride the ghost of the Zenin clan.” 

Toji barked out a laugh. “Really? I’m happy we didn’t. You’d be a sloppy fuck.” He got into close range, kicking from under her feet and pinning her to the ground, stabbing at her right upper thigh. Karat let out a strangled cry, her head falling back to the ground. 

He remembers killing that auntie. Nobody guessed a thing, nobody guessed the useless ghost would be able to do something like that at just 9 years old. He stabbed her over and over, to the point it looked to be the work of a vengeful ghost. When in reality, it was a shaking, sobbing, little boy who just wanted the adrenaline to go down. 

Toji got up, rolling his shoulders as he tried to fight the effects of the drug. He won. 

“The boss.” He thought distantly to himself as he moved towards the entrance. If Karat had been ordered to take him out, then the boss must have known. Someone must have ratted Toji out, or he must have been too suspicious.

As he turned around to go back to question her, his breath stifled. Karat had dragged her body silently to where he was, positioned like a sniper as she leveled her gun at him.  

“I’m not as sloppy as you think. I’m pretty immune to drugs too,” she laughed as she pulled the trigger. No matter where Toji moved, he realized this was what she wanted— she wanted to let him win, just to get the last bite. 

The bullet pierced straight past his abdomen, Toji moving fast enough to leave with just a graze. He stumbled to keep standing up, leaning on the wall to keep himself secure. Karat heaved, both of them staring at each other to see who’d finish the other off. 

Toji stumbled to where she was, kicking the gun out of her grasp to strangle her. 

“Don’t.” She muttered. “He’s already going to do it.” 

“Who?—“As if to give him her answer, the muffled gunshot grazing through her skull from the left responded to her silence. 

He let go of her neck stiffly, backing away to make eye contact with the perpetrator. In the crevice of the alleyway stood the CEO, shaking with adrenaline. 

“No one!—“ he choked out, “no one can know!” Despite his killing Karat he was a lot more meek in front of Toji. Maybe if the woman had put up more of a fight, she’d have been able to beat his ass— but then again, Toji would have killed her anyways. 

Toji lifted the gun to shoot the man, only to be met with nothing. “Dammit, she must have used the last bullet..” he thought aloud, sighing as he hit the holster a few times. The man seemed to sigh in relief, moving closer before Toji repositioned his own and shot him straight on. “Just kiddin’. Empty barrel tricked me too.” 

It didn’t go as planned, but at least he got the job done. He had to move fast, no time to sit and lick his wounds, literally. He knew from all the commotion that people would start getting suspicious. The dumpster was pretty secluded from the club, but not enough for multiple gunshots to go unnoticed. So painfully and slowly, Toji left through the same alley the CEO came through. 

What sucked about Shibuya was that it was busy during the night. If Toji started limping out on the open street while bleeding out, he’d be held in prison for sure. If not for the crimes, then just for making people see him like that. Public indecency, or something. 

The backways were quiet, it seemed familiar, but not enough to where he could pinpoint where he was. Backways were just the back of restaurants, and garages for motor businesses. Toji couldn’t even tell where he was going, just knew he needed to get somewhere safe. 

But what could even be safe anymore? His apartment? Maybe. He always feels on edge anywhere though. 

He sat at the dumpster of a random building, the lights were still on in the back, but whatever, most people would just ignore him because they think he’s a homeless bum. 

It was peaceful. He never understood why Fuuki got so upset with him when he took her to go see the cherry trees at night, he preferred it then going during the day. He had lied to her. He went to see the cherry trees once, when the sun was still up, with a woman he can’t recall. He was miserable, it was too loud, too many unknown variables— Toji had sworn to himself back then that he’d never go see those damn trees again. 

Looks like he can’t even keep his promises to himself.  

“Excuse me?” A voice rang out. Shit, he didn’t even notice the doors to the dumpster had opened. They must have seen his feet peeking out from where he sat on the opposite side of the trash. 

But it wasn’t a voice he knew. It was high-pitched and sounded more anxious than Fuukis would. He let out a sigh of relief, slumping back down. He thought that was the end of that. 

“Alright, I’m sorry about your situation, but you have to scram! This is the third time!—“ And lo and behold, the last person he wanted to see came out, holding a broom in a threatening manner. 

Fuuki rounded the corner and just stared at him, her chest heaving. Her face went from anger to confusion, to unadulterated fear. 

“…Toji?” She whispered, looking both ways before throwing the broom behind her and dropping to her knees, crawling over to him. “Oh my god, what happened?!” 

Toji tried sitting up again, but the flex of his abs made it so a rush of pain filtered through his nerves. Yeah, he’ll stay down for now. “Just got into a bit of a scuffle. You know, bad boy activities.” 

“A bit? You’re hurt!” Fuuki raised her voice, it wavering due to her stress. She got all up into his personal space, moving his shirt up to inspect the wound. Toji let out a whistle, “if you wanted a show, all you had to do was ask.” 

Fuuki slapped his arm. “This is serious! We need to get you to the hospital I can’t— I don’t know how to help you!”

“No, no hospitals,” Toji stated, leaving no room for reasoning with him. “If you take me to the hospital you’ll get into shit with me, and I don’t want that for you.” 

Fuuki opened her mouth to debate, to say anything, yet she couldn’t. In the end, Toji knew she knew he was right. A life like his was something she couldn’t possibly handle. 

But she kept on surprising him. 

“I don’t care,” she muttered, not meeting his eyes. “Then I’ll help you anyways, even if going to the hospital is out of the question.” The unspoken I won’t give up on you making Tojis heart patter. 

She rummaged through his pants pockets for his phone, pulling it out with efficiency. She seemed to grow frustrated when her scrolling didn’t bring her anywhere. “Who’s your emergency contact?” 

“Dunno.” 

“Why don’t you have an emergency contact?!” Fuuki panicked, frantic on the phone. 

Toji squinted his eyes shut, trying to focus on his breathing instead of the sharp pain. “I don’t have anyone to fit that role, sweetheart.” 

Fuuki screamed in frustration, before turning around swiftly to go back inside. “Stay here!” She barked at him. Well, there weren’t many places for Toji to go like this. 

He heard hushed voices by the door, several gasps, yelling, and then quiet. There emerged Fuuki with a pair of keys and a scared-looking brunette. “Oh, must be the girl from earlier…” 

“I’m sorry to drag you into all of this, An,” Fuuki said with a scowl, bowing her head slightly.

“I feel better not that I know what’s going on…” Ann smiled gently, obviously trying not to look in Toji's direction. “Ah, uhm, just please try to clean up the car as best as you can if you get… anything, anywhere.” 

“I’m not gonna bleed out on your car.” Toji pipes up, frowning. 

“Shut up!” Fuuki yelled at him, stomping over to him. “Get up, we’re going.” 

“shouldn’t you be more gentle with him?” Ann laughed nervously, obviously used to her friend's moods.

Fuuki just huffed, walking towards the car and yanking the door open with unnecessary force. Toji didn’t care if he was treated delicately or not, this didn’t even tread the surface of how his clan treated him— but it was troubling coming from Fuuki. 

Ann waved them goodbye but felt safe leaving her car in Fuuki's hands for now. The car ride was silent, Toji not making conversation and Fuuki being unnervingly quiet, which was new. He learned many things on that trip— that Fuuki had road rage, and that she was a horrible driver. Who knew a woman just as bad, if not worse at driving, could get mad at others for also being shitty drivers. He would laugh if he didn’t want to be a victim of incurring her wrath. 

Toji had never actually been inside the house, nor seen it before. It was… average. Boring. But this time, it felt strange, like it was warm. It was well-loved, well lived in. There were pictures of her parents smiling together, of her and her friends. She led him to the bathroom, making him sit on the edge of the toilet. 

“Take off your shirt,” Fuuki commanded, turning around with a flush on her face.

“So forward.” Toji teased but complied. It was at this point that the pain started setting in, especially as soon as Fuuki started inspecting the wound. It was as if a hot rod of metal was put to his skin. A graze was better than being shot, but it still hurt like hell. 

One of the few things they ever did to him as a kid was how to handle a gun— which is why he much preferred his handheld weapons. Some may say knives or nun-chucks are impractical, harder to use even— he’ll just say that they can’t do it like he can. 

Back on point, along with never being taught how to use a gun, of course; he’d never been taught how to clean out a gun wound. Imagine his surprise when Fuuki doesn’t even glance up at him for help with this. 

“You know, you sure know how to use your hands down there… what’s up with that?” 

Fuuki cringed. “Don’t phrase it like that.” Ah, it seems like she still wasn’t in the joking mood. He’ll have to try a different approach. 

“I’ve been through a lot worse, I mean, you already knew I was into this line of work, right? I don’t know why you’re being so fucking weird bout it…” 

Fuuki chose that moment to put more alcohol around the wound to sterile it, causing Toji to wince. 

“I was worried about you, you know.” She started, not looking up at him. “I would stay late every day, like today, after work just to see if you’d come, but you never did.” 

She rummaged through a basket with bandages for a long while, seemingly lost in thought, before laughing to herself. “I thought, maybe you’d given up on me, since I’m not permanent, you decided to leave first.” 

“But I never did anything else, because… I really wouldn’t have blamed you. So I waited and waited…” her voice broke at the end like she was remembering her loneliness. “It’s horrible, right? To depend on a stranger like this? But you’re the only one who knows; the only one who doesn’t treat me like I’m already gone.” 

She applied the bandage, but Toji felt more naked than ever. How can she say something so sincere without lying? He’s seen liars, he’s a liar, but he couldn’t sense any malice or manipulation from her. Just her pure, unadulterated, feelings. 

It made him sick. 

He moved to get up, but Fuuki grabbed his hand. It was soft against his rough, well-worn hand. A testament to their different lifestyles. 

“Let go.” Toji huffed out. “I’m just moving to the bed.” 

He sat down, rolling his shoulders to release the built-up tension. 

“I didn’t mean to go to you.” He sighed, cocking his head to the side. “If anything, I didn’t want to see you at all.” That simple statement should have made Fuuki cry, but she stood by the doorway with a neutral expression on her face, as if assessing the situation.

He continued; “it’s embarrassing as hell to admit, but I messed up. I’ll spare you the details but, well? You already know, so whatever. My ass got shot, I almost strangled a woman, she got shot, then I shot the guy that shot her, crazy ass night, man.” He thought to himself for a moment, before giggling idly. “I just needed to find somewhere… safe. It’s not ideal to go through the streets of Shibuya at night; so I took the back-ways. Your dumpster just looked so homey, not. I just needed a place to sit. So, that’s your explanation.” 

He laid back, not bothering to see the look on her face. He doesn’t want to see her cry, or see her smile— it would all make it feel so real, so real he might break. Even when Karat got shot in front of him, Toji didn’t feel anything forwards to her. If it were anyone else, he wouldn’t feel anything. What was the difference? 

He could feel the bed divot from her newly added weight, just staring ahead from where she sat. “You didn’t even respond to what I said before… just went straight to talking about yourself.” She sighed, almost as if she missed it. “I almost forgot how self-absorbed you are.” 

“Hey!” to poked his head up, smiling weakly. “You wanted an explanation, didn’t you? I don’t need to give your sad, lonely story a reaction, anyway…” That was a lie, it just made him realize how shitty he was to her, which in turn made Toji feel like shit. 

“Can I ask you something?” Fuuki asked. 

“Hm?” 

“If you can live comfortably, will you stop taking contracts?” 

Toji left out an amused laugh. “Well, duh.” 

“Then…” Fuuki blushed. “Then, I’ll finish school, and I’ll make sure you can.” 

Huh?

“Seeing you, sitting there, you looked so unlike yourself. Like an angel at death's door. I want you to stay the same as when we first met.” 

“Why does it matter that much to you? You said it yourself, we’re strangers.” Toji pointed out. 

Fuuki simply shook her head. “Maybe. I guess we are. But to me, we are friends.” She finally smiled, looking at him warmly. “Even if you’re a terrible guy who does terrible things, you make me happy, so I want to make you happy too.” 

He hated her, he did— saying this hallmark movie stuff out of the blue. But goddammit it was working. 

Toji sighed, holding out his hand. 

“What?” Fuuki asked, cocking her head. 

“My phone, give it to me.” 

Once returned, he quickly made a few changes, before showing the screen to Fuuki. 

“Emergency contacts… what’s this?” Fuuki trailed her gaze down the list, to see her name as the first one there. 

“Until we can, I don’t know, move in together.” Toji wanted to laugh at that notion. “You can be my first, and only, emergency contact.” 

“Toji!!—“ Fuukis eyes gleamed with tears, her lips wobbling. 

“You’re so easy to get worked up.” He laughed, wincing when his wound started to burn again. “Mind getting me some painkillers?” 

Fuuki nodded, quickly getting up with a newfound determination. “I promise! I’ll work hard for us!” 

“Yeah, yeah, focus on getting me those pills first.” 

“Okay!” As she was about to step foot out of the room, she spun back around, a curious look on her face. 

“Hey, how did you already know my number, I didn’t give it to you?”

Well, fuck. 

Chapter Text

Toji did end up not doing as much illegal stuff as he once did. Assassinations? JFK is safe while he’s retired. Drug dealings? Well, he didn’t sell laced stuff anymore; did that count?

The point is, he’s a changed man, or as Fuuki likes to call him, an “ex-convict.” But even changed men with a golden heart such as himself have times when they can’t help but show their bitterness.

“Look, lady, this should not cost so much. Give me that shit for 45.”

“As I said, that's real gold!” The old woman huffed as she dangled the necklace in front of Toji's face. “Your mama would be proud of you if ye paid full price.”

“It’s not for my mom, hag.”

“Funny. I can’t imagine any other woman putting up with you.” The woman finished, putting the necklace down in the row it had been in, turning away to help someone else, deeming Toji as wasted time.

Toji waited until she was preoccupied with another customer before reaching for the item and stuffing it into his pocket. It was a necklace, with what appeared to be a four-leaf clover as a charm hanging from the chain. He couldn’t help but smile at the thought of Fuji’s reaction.

Fuuki.

Toji could see it now, how the conversation would play out…

Fuuki: Wow, Toji! This is such a beautiful necklace! You are so handsome and strong and charming; please marry me!

Toji: Now, now. Don’t thank me yet; I stole that!

Fuuki: ?

Fuuki: You’re dead.

Maybe some parts are delusional, but what rings true is that whether he tells Fuuki he stole it or not, he would certainly feel guilty for doing so. But it’s not like he had the funds to pay for the necklace either…

Toji sighed as he put it back, the old woman nodding in appreciation when he did. Damn, she was probably ready to put up wanted posters of him by her stall. Whatever, he’ll leave a bad review later.

As he wanders around the town, a store finally catches his eye. A gift shop? Sure, why the hell not.

It was cutesy, anime galore, and of course, a food section. He could get her food, but he had the feeling that she would take it as him calling her fat—and he does not want to face her wrath again.

One might be thinking: “Toji, why are you getting her a gift in the first place?”

Graduation was coming up. Honestly, Toji hadn’t expected her to live until graduation, which sounds harsh, but he has always expected the worst. But with each passing time that he sees her, she seems healthy and content. Maybe it would be alright to settle down like this, just for a little while. He can worry later.

But that brings him back to his dilemma. His ass does not know what girls like. He never bought his “sugar mommies” gifts; more like he was the gift himself. And Toji doesn’t think Fuuki will take kindly to him wrapping himself in just a bow, showing up in a public place, and going: “Your gift is me~.”

That might really make her die early.

As he was about to give up on the shop, something caught his eye… well, more like a pair caught his eye. A matching pair of blue chopsticks. It reminds him of her blue turtleneck, of her painted nails and pleated skirts. He read over the product name... “training chopsticks.” Oh, these were for kids. But they were so cute... and they even came with a little hamster to put on top of them to keep them together!

He had to get them.

Maybe this wasn’t an ideal graduation gift, but he can already hypothesize what gifts she was going to get. Money, art supplies, more money. He doesn’t really have money for anything grand anyways. Cutting down on illegal work also cuts down on his funds.

Walking into the cold night, Toji wonders if he should get a cup of noodles to go with it.

—

It was March now, and for some reason, still cold. The snow was melting, making way for spring, but it always seemed quite gloomy outside—well, at least it wasn’t on Fuuki's graduation day.

It wasn’t so hot, her hair wasn’t as frizzy or sticking to her face due to sweat, which made Toji kind of somber. Her frizzy hair always made her look a little messy, which he found cute.

He couldn’t look away from her. Even in the sea of people, he’d always be able to tell where she was.

The way she walked on the stage to grab her diploma wasn’t anything showstopping in any means, but the air of confidence around her still made Toji stop to suck in a breath. She was so pretty.

Of course, Fuuki went to greet her parents right after all the necessary pictures were done. Teary-eyed and willful, Toji could see how much she adored them. He wonders if they know of her illness—they don’t, he remembers. Do they know how much she’s had to endure with that knowledge alone? He almost wanted to hit them, but wasn’t sure why; they didn’t do anything wrong.

Finally, when the crowd was finally dispersing, Fuuki made her way towards him.

“Well, don’t you look handsome.” She smiled slyly, leaning in to inspect him. She wore a floral kimono, along with her blue hakama. Her short hair had gotten a little longer, the wisps framing her face, caging in her chubby cheeks.

“You look alright.” Toji deadpanned, but he couldn’t stop the smile that graced his lips. “I got you something for your hard work.”

“Oho? A graduation gift?” Fuuki wiggled her brows as she grabbed it from his hands. “It’s pretty small, hm...”

“Well, I can’t get you some grand shit, Princess.”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m some brat!” She huffed, puffing out her cheeks. “I’m just saying, this is my special day!”

“Just open it before your parents ask why you’re hanging out with some thug.”

“They already asked that…” Fuuki mumbled, but she took it out of the bag anyway. “Chopsticks?” She looked more closely, her eyebrows furrowing. “Children’s chopsticks.”

Toji could see where this was going, so he held up his hands in defense. “I don’t see you as a kid! You’re a woman, I know, damn! I just thought they looked cute!”

Fuuki eyed him suspiciously before putting her arm down (definitely not to hit him). She eyed them, and soon had a warm smile on her face. “I’m not sure these will suit our home… I always imagined we’d have hand me down stuff, ya know?”

Huh? “Huh?”

“Don’t tell me you forgot!” Fuuki said irritatedly, giving him a look. “Our promise!”

Toji racked his head. His promise to stop calling her early in the morning, his promise to stop arriving at her work randomly… oh, that promise.

“Yeah, whoopsie, my bad. I know I said I wouldn’t get you anything food-related after the last incident, my bad—“

“No!!” Fuuki exclaimed, shushing him. “My promise!” Once it was clear that Toji was stupid and forgetful, she just decided to explain it herself.

Casting her gaze down, a shy blush on her face. “I said when I graduated, I would make sure you could live comfortably…” She looked at Toji uncertainly. “And I graduated today, so that means we can, you know...”

“Are you trying to ask me to marry you?” Toji smirked, leaning towards her. Fuuki took a step back, scandalized. “No! I’m asking you to be my roommate!”

She fished in her hakama pocket and brought out a pair of keys. “This is your copy. I managed to save up a little to at least make the lease. And it’s in a pretty nice part of town too! And you won’t have to worry about going hungry; I know how to cook!”

“You want me to live with you?” Toji interrupted, still staring at the pair of keys in her hand. “Fuuki, I appreciate it, but please, think about this.”

“What do you mean?” She frowned.

“I’m a bad guy.” Toji stated, not looking at her. “If I brought trouble to your doorstep, then I’d never forgive myself.”

Fuuki stared at him for a moment, then giggled, turning her gaze back down. “It’s weird; you would have never thought about me like that a few months ago.”

Toji didn’t want to admit that there was finally something he was afraid to lose.

He still remembers the plot of property he lived on with the Zenin clan, how cold and lonely it was. He wasn’t even his own person.

Fuuki's words kept interrupting his thoughts. “You’ll have your own room, and you can decorate it however you want!”

How no one ever dared to look at him, as if he had some disease.

“And if I’m upset with you, I’ll make sure to talk to you!”

They never wanted him.

“But I want this with you, Toji.” She grabbed his hand, putting the keys in them. “I want to live with you.”

All the corpses of those he’s killed, their decapitated heads, their bloated bodies, those he’s poisoned…

“Live?” Toji murmured, feeling the warmth of Fuuki's hands. “Even if I was a bad person?”

Fuuki nodded, smiling wide. “You’re my favorite ex-convict. There’s no one else.”

Toji sighed. “Alright, you’ve ruined the moment.”

Fuuki laughed, not letting go of his hand as she strung him along towards the rest of her family. “Hey, what’s with the hamster on these?”

“You have chubby cheeks. I don’t know.”

“You’re dead.” Fuuki deadpanned.