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Chapter Text

Renjun sighs as his alarm goes off beside him. He turns it off and forces himself out of bed and into his bathroom, his eyes stubbornly refusing to open. He debates if he should take a hot or a cold shower but remembers the season is changing and the temperatures are dropping.

“A hot shower it is,” he mumbles to himself.

The banging noises start again as Renjun is drinking his tea and waiting for the coffee he is taking with him to brew. Renjun tilts his head, staring at his roof. ‘It’s pretty early for them to be making so much noise’, Renjun thought. Most of the time he can go by with his morning tea and maybe a few more cups of tea throughout the day but since the apartment, right on top of his, got new tenants, Renjun hasn’t been able to have peace and quiet in a few days. The noises of moving furniture, nailing things on the walls, feet moving around and just general banging related to a move have been disturbing some of his mornings, like today, and his unwinding time during the evenings. It has forced him to sleep later than normal. Either his new upstairs neighbors are night owls or they are desperate to settle in.

Because whoever moved to the upstairs apartment thinks they can be making noises after midnight most days. It doesn’t help that work has been stressful and Renjun feels like between the new upstairs neighbors and how busy his work is he can’t get real rest in a long time. He purposely omits the other reason he feels rundown and stretched too thin.

Renjun sighs and finishes his tea, he pours his coffee into his tumbler and gathers his things to leave. If he leaves right now he would be able to reach his office early for a change. He hates when he is running late and he arrives with barely a few minutes to spare. He takes the elevator down to the lobby of his apartment building, waves to their security guy, and closes the buttons of his suit to keep his body warm. Is not cold enough for a winter jacket but the mornings are chilly enough that he would rather not have his suit jacket flapping around letting the autumn morning wind chill his already cold body.

Once he is outside he picks up his pace towards his parking spot..

~~~

Renjun pulls at his necktie as he takes his shoes off and stumbles inside his apartment, feeling tired to his bones.

He forces his body to move to the kitchen to reheat the soup Haechan gave him a few days ago. He did remember that he moved it from the freezer to the refrigerator so he could eat it tonight. Renjun puts on some music in hopes that it will help him release the stress of the workday while he eats and checks his phone for any messages he hasn’t been able to respond to.

He didn’t miss any important messages and he quickly finds himself aimlessly scrolling through social media. He puts his phone down on the table and washes the dishes he just used. He decides to go to bed earlier while his apartment and the upstairs remain silent.

Today is just barely the beginning of what he already guesses would be a few hellish weeks at work. His team is working on one of the biggest projects his company has done in years. Everyone is starting to feel the pressure and it makes the office tension palpable. He tries to lighten up the mood and to be of as much help as he can to his team. If he ends up with more work than he should shoulder on no one really has to know. He intends to lighten the weight of his team Yangyang glares at him when he leaves for the day and Renjun tells him he will leave in a few minutes. He gets a huge scolding when Yangyang calls him an hour later and finds out he is still at the office.

Now that he has no one waiting for him at home, no matter how much the freezing spikes of pain coming from his bond contradict his reality, it is easier for him to fully dive into his work and lose track of time. His work keeps him from tethering down into oblivion while his two best friends try to keep his already failing body alive. Renjun already had to get himself to the emergency room to get some fluids in earlier this work week and it is not as busy as he knows it’s gonna get. He is surprise he has been able to hide the severity of it from Haechan and Yangyang.

Renjun quickly gets ready for bed in hopes of being fast asleep before any noise starts. When the banging on the wallhe is leaing on starts as he lays his head on his pillow, Renjun groans and buries his face in it.

“How long can it take for someone to freaking move in?” He trashes his legs, getting them tangled with his bedsheets. The noise right on top of his bed was Renjun’s only reply.

He pulls his headphones on and turns his music as loud as he can to drown out the noises. If he can hear it he can’t imagine what the neighbors beside them must feel like with all the ruckus. The thickness of the white ceilings and the wooden floors is much more compared to the thickness of the walls. Renjun feels very lucky that both of his neighbors on his floor are quiet people like him. It helps that one of them is a bigger workaholic than himself.

Renjun guesses sometime after one in the morning the noise stops and he sighs. It takes him almost an hour to fall asleep and when his alarm wakes him he lets himself throw a mini temper tantrum. Renjun kicks his mattress and punches his pillows a couple of times. He wants to scream too but he remembers his neighbors and how early he has been waking up and settles for kicking and hitting the mattress again.

He drags his feet from his room to the bathroom and frowns at the bags under his eyes. Maybe he should use a little bit of concealer today. Renjun makes a small note to apply more chapstick and maybe use the one that has a tint to it since his lips look a little blueish. His friends worry too much already and if he can he will keep the mask for a little longer.

He goes through his morning routine feeling like a zombie and wishes from the bottom of his dark and shattered heart, a horrible day for his upstairs neighbors; like the one, he knows he will have since he had barely any sleep.

Renjun is walking out of the elevator and into the lobby when none other than Jeno walks in. He debates whether to turn and leave using the underground parking lot to get to his outside parking spot or to demand why he is following him. Their security guy decides for him.

“Good morning Mr. Lee. Did you find the trash cans?”

“Oh yes! After you pointed me in the right direction it was easy to find it,” Jeno gives their security guy a small smile and a nod. He is about to resume walking when he sees Renjun, shock coloring his face.

“I wanted to ask you Mr. Lee, are you guys done moving?”

Jeno looks back and forth at the security guy and Renjun a couple of times. Renjun could see that he was debating who he should be paying attention to. Renjun walks closer and the sound of his steps grabs the security guy’s attention.

“Oh, Mr. Huang, good morning,” Renjun nods to the security guy.

“Morning to you too Mr. Cho. How are your wife and the kids?”

“They are wonderful. I took your suggestion and we enrolled our eldest in an afterschool art class and she is loving it.”

“I’m glad!”

Renjun could see Jeno blinking rapidly, the surprise stupor slowly leaving him. He turns to look at Mr. Cho, “We are pretty much done, I’m sorry it took me a while to register your question. Why though?”

Mr. Cho looks at him and then at Renjun before clearing his throat, “Well, there was a noise complaint last night about a loud banging. The person who filed the complaint said they thought it was coming from the bedroom. Which it’s great that Mr. Huang is here.”

“Why?” Jeno and Renjun ask at the same time. Renjun notices the blush rushing from Jeno’s neck to his ears.

“Well, your apartment is right on top of his and if I remember correctly is the same layout. So if the noise was coming from your bedroom it might be possible that Mr. Huang here could have heard it since his bedroom would be right under yours.”

By the time he finished explaining Jeno was blushing and coughing; his face, ears, and neck were bright red. If it was anyone else Renjun would have chuckled, maybe smirked or laughed but by Jeno’s reaction Renjun understands, maybe more than anyone else, what was the banging about. He also could see some love bites sneaking out from the collar of his t-shirt. He still remembers how intense the start of the soulmate bond is. Renjun remembers how he left his body marked. He used to wonder why he would mark him so much when they had the soulmate mark, he stopped wondering after he left Renjun behind.

Renjun bites the corner of his bottom lip as he pushes the memories and the hurt down. He doesn’t want to even think about the person he was making those noises with. Renjun can’t give his mind or the bond the time to remind him of anything more. He decides to save himself and avoid any unnecessary conversation with Jeno, especially if the word soulmate or Jaemin is the topic.

“I’m sorry Mr. Cho I won’t be any help. Work has been brutal and as soon as my head touches the pillow I’m out cold. The world can end I won’t even notice. It takes several alarms to get me up,” Renjun lies.

“That makes sense. This is the only day for a while that you are not running out of here,” Mr. Cho chuckles and Renjun hides his smile behind his hand. He has grown a soft spot for the two security guards of the building so he doesn't feel like he needs to say something to Mr. Cho about telling too much. Renjun can’t hide it, he looks like hell and no one knows about Jeno or Jaemin, besides his best friends.

“Talking about work, I have to leave,” Renjun says looking at his watch, “And Mr. Cho I’m glad your daughter is enjoying the art classes. She has talent and so much potential. I’ll get going before it gets in the ‘it’s too late for me’ time.”

“Yeah, have a good day Mr. Huang. Thank you for your time.”

Renjun waves and jogs out of his apartment building before Jeno can even utter his name.

He looks at the arm that houses his soulmate mark, cursing fate and destiny and hoping the bandage he keeps on it would really erase it.

~~~

Renjun feels like he is dragging three times his weight. He barely has the energy to open his apartment building door. Mr. Kim, their night security guard, helps him by already being familiar with the picture of an exhausted Renjun. He makes a mental note to do something nice for him, maybe make another small doodle book for their small toddler, or maybe look through the paintings he still has gathering dust in the corner of one of his closest. Renjun thinks he has a landscape one Ms. Kim would enjoy.

“Rough night?”

“Rough week,” Renjun replies.

“We are not even halfway through it.”

“That’s how rough it is.”

“Well, I hope you have a good night's sleep, Mr. Huang.”

Renjun smiles and gives him a soft good night. He sluggishly walks towards the elevators telling his body just a little longer before Renjun can dump his entire body on his bed and pass out. The wait feels like an eternity and when the metal doors open Renjun feels like he will have to move his legs with his hands, but at the very last moment, his legs remember how to work.

The doors are about to close when a hand shoots in and stops them. Renjun is leaning his head on the cold wall of the elevator and at the noise of someone stopping the doors he looks up. He wants to curse the entire universe when he sees Na Jaemin stepping into the elevator. Renjun closes his eyes decides to ignore him and throws a mental middle finger to the universe.

Knowing both of them live in the same building sucks. He knows he might see them here and there and for the most part, he accepts his cruel fate. He doesn't want to move again. He likes his apartment, his neighbors, and the staff that works here. The route he commutes to his work is also less congested with cars and he enjoys the drive. He doesn't want to move to a place where he'll have to use the subway. He doesn’t think the universe wants to fuck with him this bad as they make him see them both on the same day. But here he is, seeing Jeno at the start of the day and facing Jaemin at the end of the day when he is the most exhausted. The bond doubles down on his already extremely tired body.

“Hello,” Renjun hugs himself tighter as he feels more than hears Jaemin’s voice. He refuses to say anything back. He refuses Jaemin and this treacherous bond.

“How are you?” Renjun remains silent and ignores how his heart contracts every time Jaemin’s voice fills the elevator. He is not going to admit how much he has missed the sound of his voice. How much of a balm it feels over his weary bones. How much his bond aches for him.

“Are you okay? You look really tired. Are you taking care of yourself, Renjun?”

Renjun sighs, “You really can’t take a hint.”

“Sorry if I’m worried for the well-being of my soulmate.”

“I’m not.”

“I know you don’t believe that.”

“You know nothing,” Renjun says with as much spite as he can force himself to do, which is barely anything right now.

“I know you.”

Renjun scoffs and opens his eyes. Jaemin gasps and whispers his name and Renjun knows what Jaemin is seeing. A stretch out too thin, dark puffy under-eye bags, disheveled hair, paper-thin sunken skin, stressed out of his mind Renjun. He remembers he didn’t have this position when he and Jaemin were together. Jaemin has seen stressed-out Renjun but never this bad. His best friends have seen this side of Renjun, maybe worse, right after Jaemin left him. Renjun thanks the universe for having his two best friends, who keep him alive and help him get this promotion that is currently kicking his ass but keeps him busy. Too busy to think or feel.

“See Jaemin, I thought I knew you until you left me. After that, I learned you really don’t know people. So I’m pretty sure you don’t know me as you think you do,” Renjun fills his words and the bond with all the anger most days he pushes down. He feels the bond shrinking as he lashes out.

“Renjun,” he waves at Jaemin to stop.

“Not now, Jaemin.”

The elevator dings and the doors open revealing Renjun’s floor. He pushes himself away from the wall he has been leaning on, ignoring the devastating look on Jaemin’s face.

“Then when Renjun? When are we going to talk about us, about Jeno?” Jaemin says, stopping the elevator doors with his arm.

Renjun turns to look at Jaemin, his words catching him with one foot still inside of the elevator and one outside. Renjun doesn’t let his mind think too much over the possible correlation that the image of him being half in and half out has in his life. He doesn't need this added stress or hope. He doesn't have space for hope.

He shakes his head and says “I don't know. Right now it feels like never.” He is too tired to give Jaemin’s sad expression much thought. Renjun removes the foot out of the elevator and turns towards his apartment door. The elevator door closes behind him and Renjun rubs the right side of his chest as if that would soothe the ache his interaction with Jaemin leaves.

As if it would soothe the cold feeling deep inside his veins that had slowly settled since the day Jaemin left. Learning about Jeno that horrible day just makes the cold sensation more prominent, maybe a little permanent.

When he walks into his apartment he throws his body, face first, onto his sofa wondering if he should order out or force his body to the kitchen.

~~~

After a long warm shower and some soft and comfortable jammies Renjun convinces himself to reheat something. The low hum of the microwave was the only sound around his apartment. Renjun pulls his phone from his pocket and opens the chat between him and his two best friends.

He quickly types his message and leaves the phone on his sofa when the microwave beeps at him.

:Injunnie:
You guys won’t believe how bad my luck is.

:Haechannie:
Nothing can be as bad as losing your voice in the middle of your middle school choir solo part

:Yangie:
I was going to mention noisy neighbors but I think you peaked bad luck with that solo fiasco

:Injunnie:
I feel bad for myself saying this but be ready to feel bad for reminding me of that event and for thinking nothing worse would happen to me. Jaemin and Jeno are my upstairs neighbors

Renjun's phone starts to ring. He smiles as he sees the face call from his two best friends.

“What?” He says with a mouthful of food perching the phone on the coffee table at an angle where they could see each other.

“You are joking,” Yangyang says.

“Of course he is not joking. Yangyang, you have 5 minutes to make a bag. I’m grabbing my keys to pick you and we are staying tonight with Renjun,” Haechan says. Renjun could hear the zipper of Haechan’s favorite bag, the muffle goodbye to Johnny and the jingle of his keys.

“You guys don’t need to stay with me. I’ve survived enough days not to be faced by them.”

“No offense Renjun but I can tell you are bluffing. By the angle of Haechan’s phone, he is running to his car now.”

“Yangie knows us so well! You have now 3 minutes. You better be waiting for me at the front door of your apartment.”

And with that, the phone call ends, and Renjun sighs.

Renjun is almost done eating when he can hear his friends opening his door and taking his shoes off.

“Injunnie,” Haechan’s voice fills the silence in his apartment. Renjun rolls his eyes as they come into the living room with overnight bags, and garment covers on their hands for their work suits.

“You guys did not have to come. I’m fine. What would Johnny and Kun say or feel?”

“Your soulmates or whatever are living right over you. Kun is already making your favorite Chinese plates for us to have for lunch tomorrow. He understands. And if you were really fine you wouldn't be our Renjun. Now cut the brave act and tell us how you really feel,” Yangyang says, patting his shoulder while Haechan is still squeezing the living daylights out of Renjun.

“Johnny one hundred percent understands. I’m sure he is already thinking of a way to pamper you that won’t be too suspicious or like he is playing favorites at work.”

“He doesn't care when it’s you.”

Renjun can feel Haechan’s glare to Yangyang, “That’s because I’m his fucking soulmate. He should spoil me and everyone should see it.”

Renjun pinches Haechan and successfully gets himself out of the bone-crushing hug. It also helps stop the monologue he knows Haechan has ready as to all the reasons the entire world should witness the love his soulmate has for him.

He takes a step back and stares at his two best friends. At the two that, no matter how sad, depressed, and pessimistic he is they never left his side. Renjun sighs, runs his hand through his hair, and goes to sit down. He feels when Haechan and Yangyang sit beside him, one to his right and one to his left.

“Talk to us, Jun,” Yangyang plead.

“It's hard. I’m not gonna lie to you. It is fucking hard. I thought with how busy I am with work I wouldn't bump into them but destiny and fate hate my guts. This morning I saw Jeno. Our sweet security guy asked him a few questions about some noise complaint and I got pulled into the inquiry because the apartment that they live in is well,” Renjun points up and sighs for what feels to him like eighteen thousand times.

“That’s how you learned your new upstairs neighbors are them?” Renjun nods.

“Did they know you live here? Are they following you?” Haechan asks.

“I’m sure it was as much of a surprise to them as it was for me. Anyways, on the same day of that interaction with Jeno, which is today obviously, I was coming home when Jaemin got into the same elevator. Today has been an incredibly long day.”

“Did he try to talk to you? Yangyang squeezes his hand.

“He did but when I turned him down he almost shut up completely.”

“What do you mean almost?” Haechan asks.

“Well, he did ask when we were going to talk about us and Jeno.”

“I bet you ran as quickly as you could,” Yangyang comments.

“I told him that I don’t know. Maybe never. I’m so tired and I just can’t see them or talk to them knowing they were with each other while I was left alone. If I’m so important to their life why only fate is bringing us together? Why Jaemin was so okay to leave me and still okay to think I would talk to him, let alone go back to him just because he asks. Just because of some stupid words written in our skin.”

“You know as well as we do that the moment you get answers to all of your questions you’ll go back to him,” Haechan points out and Renjun hates how well he knows him.

Not only is he well aware of how his body is barely keeping up but as much as he says he doesn't believe in a soulmate anymore the more his heart and soul yearn for it. The feeling of absolute belonging. But when he remembers how devastated, alone, and abandoned he felt his anger takes control, and feels he can’t do anything about it. The anger just clouds over all of his other feelings and all of the pain.

“You’ve been battling the cold feeling for a while Jun. I worry how much more you’ll force yourself to deal with just because you are too stubborn.” Yangyang says.

“So I should just go back to him, to them, just so I won’t get sicker?”

“That is not what I’m saying,”

“Think more critically ill,” Haechan interrupts Yangyang, “That is what he means, Renjun.”

“Guys, I know. Believe me when I say I know. I live in this body with the cold and the pain 24/7 but is it bad that I want actual romance, true and honest companionship, and not just have them close to keep myself alive? To delude myself that I belong somewhere? Fate might have decided to pile me with them but they should at least try to earn my trust and my love. Is it bad to ask for that?”

“No, Renjun is not bad. You deserve that and more. You know you have plenty of places you belong to. We just worry about your physical and mental health,” Yangyang wraps his arms around Renjun’s shoulder, staring at him with those big brown eyes.

“Maybe they just need some incentive,” Haechan muses.

“Explain.”

“Well, if they are really relying on getting you eventually because you are fated soulmates maybe they just need something to push them in the direction of getting their shit together and court you because maybe fate is not really on their side,” Renjun stares at Haechan.

“You finally had gone crazy. How do you think I could do that?” Renjun asks.

Haechan wiggles his eyebrows and Yangyang gasps. Renjun looks at him hoping to be filled in because it is obvious he knows what Haechan meant.

“Are you suggesting Renjun to maybe date around?” Yangyang asks.

“What” “Yes,” Renjun and Haechan say at the same time.

“You did say that you don’t believe in soulmates anymore. It would surprise them but it would back your words if they see you dating,” Haechan explains.

“And lead people around? That is horrible,” Renjun stands from his couch, Yangyang’s arms falling off him, and grabs his bowl to clean it.

“There are sites for people who don’t care or don’t want to date their soulmates. You could use those to get some dates and you could be honest about your intentions. Let the person decide if they want to help you out or not.”

“I don’t know about that Haechannie. That sounds like a lot of work,” Renjun takes a washcloth to dry the bowl and the spoon after washing them.

“Maybe someone from work?” Yangyang suggests

“That could be messy.”

“Not if it is from a different department, one that doesn't share our floor nor the projects we take on,” Haechan says almost as he’s singing.

“Can we just change the topic? Let’s watch a movie or something. Maybe go over the notes for tomorrow’s presentation?

“We are not reviewing anymore for tomorrow Huang Renjun. We already spent hours doing that at work. We are going to watch a movie and then we will invade your bed,” Yangyang decides. Renjun smiles, shakes his head, and grabs a few beers from his refrigerator.

He gives one to each and they settle down to find something to watch on Netflix before they get ready to rest and tackle one of the most important meetings of their professional life. After the movie is done, the beers are in the trash can and everyone gets ready for bed; Renjun sighs in content. Happy to have his best friends with him and happy with finally owning a king-size bed. Their body warmth around him almost pushes back the cold feeling swimming through his veins. It does nothing to ease the sense of choking that started yesterday before he learned they were living in the same building. He doesn't want to think this is fate warning him. He scoots closer to Haechan and falls asleep.

Chapter Text

“Where is the wrinkle bottle spray at again Renjun?” Yanyang yells from the bedroom while Renjun is making sure for the hundredth time that everything he needs is inside his work bag.

“Catch,” Haechan says as he passes by, “Renjun you have everything you need and if you for any strange reason forget something we can print it at the office. Yangyang hurried up already.”

“I’m ready, just start walking. I’ll be behind you.”

“Let’s go,” Renjun says, grabbing his things and walking to his door, a frantic Yangyang behind him.

“I already ordered our coffee. If we hurry up we will be there at the same time,” Haechan says as they all walk out of the elevator.

“Chill a little, I feel like all this hurrying up is making me more nervous and —” Renjun bumps into Haechan and Yangyang bumps into him.

“What the,” Renjun hears Yangyang say as he steps to the side to see what stops his friends just to find Jaemin and Jeno a feet away from them. He looks at his best friend's side profile and he can see the tension on his jaw and how he is glaring at the duo.

“Haechan-ah, come here and help me make sure Renjun looks the best,” Yangyang says, manhandling Renjun to look at him and not at Jaemin and Jeno. In no time he has Yangyang and Haechan fuzzing over him. One was making sure his suit jacket looks good and dusted properly. Haechan checks his cufflinks and makes sure his tie is straight. Renjun can’t stop the giggles from bursting out at his friends' actions.

“We gotta make sure he is the best and the most smart looking person in the room. This is the most important meeting of our life,” Yangyang emphasizes, his voice a tad loud.

From the corner of his eyes Renjun can see Jaemin and Jeno’s expressions. He can’t believe he still remembers how Jaemin looks when he is upset. Renjun wants to reprimand himself for being able to remember something like that but right now it is not the time to do so. To him Jeno looks like he ate something really sour. He observes that some of the veins on his neck and his forearm were popping too.

Renjun focuses back on his friends. He smiles at them and lays his hand on one of their cheeks.

“Thank you, really. I don’t know what I would do without you two,” Renjun tells them and he can see how both visibly soften. He used to express his emotions a lot more but after Jaemin’s abandonment he makes the decision to keep his emotions a lot closer to his heart. It causes a lot of ripples through a lot of his friendships and for the most part they understand, respect it and give him the space he needs, some of those friendships fading into oblivion. Haechan and Yangyang are the most stubborn. They don’t want to leave Renjun alone, holding back all that he feels. They refuse to leave and for their friendship to grow distant.

“Anytime,” Yangyang says.

“Anything for my Injunnie,” Haechan says. Renjun pats and then squeezes their shoulders before they turn towards the entrance.

Now that he has Jaemin and Jeno in full view he sees Jaemin holding Jeno’s arm keeping him from charging at them. Jaemin knows Yangyang and Haechan are his best friends. He knows the position and the importance of them in Renjun’s life won’t ever change, soulmate or not. They had many conversations and a few fights about it. Renjun thinks Jaemin will have to explain to Jeno the same way he had to explain it to exhaustion to him. Renjun frowns and takes a moment to think over why he thought of that. Is Jaemin really filling in Jeno with everything about him while he has absolutely no knowledge of Jeno?

Renjun shakes his head and tells himself he couldn’t care less if Jeno knows about his best friends or not. If he knows more about him than he knows about Jeno. He doesn't need to know if Jaemin is giving Jeno any information about him because Jeno, as well as Jaemin, aren't in his life.He couldn’t care less what they talk about.

“Now let’s leave. Today is not a day to just barely come in time,” Renjun says as he pulls them with him. Renjun ignores Jaemin's pleading looks and ignores Jeno all together.

“Ren—” Jaemin starts but he receives a glare from Haechan who shuts him up. Renjun bites the inside of his cheek. He pushes Yangyang out of the door and pulls Haechan with him, not daring to look at Jaemin unless he wants his resolve to crumble or his anger to lash out.

~~~~

Renjun opens his eyes and the first thing he thinks is ‘why does my roof look so different?’ The next thing he realizes is the splitting headache he has and how heavy his tongue feels inside his mouth. He slowly sits up and tries to look around without moving too much trying to not aggravate his headache. He doesn't recognize the place. It doesn't look like any of the two rooms in his apartment. He wonders which of his co-workers took pity on him and took him home with them. Renjun starts to feel like his mouth is full of sand at how thirsty he is when the door opens revealing Jaemin dressed in a mint hoodie and black sweatpants. A glass of water in hand and a bottle of painkillers in the other.

“Here, have some pills. I imagine you have a horrible headache,” Jaemin gives Renjun the glass of water and he drinks half of it while Jaemin is taking a couple of pills from the bottle.

“Thirsty?”

“Parched,” Renjun croaks before drinking the painkillers with the remainder of the water.

“Let me get you more water,” Jaemin stands and walks out of the bedroom. Renjun pulls off the covers of his body and slowly gets out of bed. “You don’t have to leave so quickly. Drink some more water and when the headache eases then you can leave,” Jaemin says when Renjun reaches the bedroom door.

Beside the decoration, the layout is exactly the same as his own apartment downfloor. Renjun doesn't know how to feel about that. Not only does he know how the place Jaemin shares with Jeno looks like, but knowing they know his own apartment is laid out the same way. Did they wonder at night when they lay in bed together that he is in the exact room by himself downstairs? Do they ever wonder if he is cooking while they are in their kitchen? Do they wonder if he even has a television in the living room?

“I have imposed enough on you. I’ll get out of your hair now,” Renjun says side stepped Jaemin. The only good thing Renjun can think about their apartment layout being exactly the same is that he can easily navigate it. He knows the way out.

“Come on Renjun, you were really drunk. Jeno found you stumbling through the lobby and before he could help you to reach your apartment you passed out. I know you don’t drink that much and your body must be feeling horrible. Just sit down and relax.”

“I can relax in my own place.”

“Why did you drink so much last night, Renjun?” Jaemin blocks him. Renjun huffs seeing how close to the entrance door he is from.

“I don’t have to answer that question. Jaemin move.”

“If you want me to move then answer the question.”

“I was celebrating and I got carried away. What does it matter to you?”

“It matters to me because it is you, Renjun. You matter to me. Where was Haechan? Yangyang?”

Renjun couldn't stop himself from eye rolling at Jaemin’s words. “They left earlier.”

“And they left you alone that drunk. They should have stayed with you. Where did they have to go to leave their best friend alone?”

“Home to their soulmates,” Renjun says with the straightest face his headache let him muster. Renjun gulps ‘not like someone else’ with the little saliva he has. Jaemin's eyes grew in shock at Renjun’s reply. Renjun takes this chance to push Jaemin out of his way.

“Thank you and thank Jeno for his help even though it wasn't needed.”

“You could barely walk. Jeno pretty much carried you here.”

“He could have left me in the lobby and after a little nap I would have made the trek to my own place. It's not like I haven't done this before,” Renjun reaches to open the entrance door when Jaemin grabs his wrist. “Jaemin let me go.” There is a pause where nothing happens.

“Jaemin, please let me go. The only thing I want is to go to the comfort and security of my own place.”

“You don’t feel comfortable here with me?” Jaemin asks.

“Do you really want me to answer that?” Renjun asks back. Jaemin stares at him and lets go of his wrist. Renjun stares back at the myriad of emotions reflected on Jaemin’s eyes. He could clearly see shock not only in his eyes but through his entire face. Renjun could see some sadness too but he wasn't so sure. It has been a long time since he has seen Jaemin sad and sometimes he thinks he never really saw the other sad. Not after experiencing sadness for himself.

“We will be your home soon enough,” he hears Jaemin’s voice as he walks out of the apartment, “Jeno and I will make you feel we are your home.”

Renjun sees his body turn towards the closing door. Like an out of body experience he sees it all. He sees Jaemin's small but determined smile.

“Just you wait, Huang Renjun,” is the last thing Renjun hears before the door closes.

~~~~

“How many times do you need me to tell you no?”

“Until I get you to say yes.”

“Let it be Haechan, I’m not really comfortable with going on dates with people I don’t know.”

“So it would be okay if you knew the person? Because that’s what I’m hearing.”

“Oh my god, no.”

“Then how are you going to make them jealous enough to do something about it?”

“Maybe I don’t want to.”

“Renjun, I know you are still hurting but you can’t keep this up forever. You know it won’t be physically possible. You’ll get sicker sooner than later.”

“I don’t want to do all the work,” Renjun stomps his foot.

“What work?” Sicheng asks as he walks into the break room.

“Make his soulmates work for his love,” Haechan answers and Renjun hits him on the chest.

“Stop telling my things to people.”

“It is Sicheng for god sake. Isn't he your favorite person from our past department?” Renjun rolls his eyes at his best friend but doesn't deny that Sicheng is his favorite. He will never deny it.

“How exactly are you going to achieve said thing about your soulmate?” Sicheng asks.

“We suggested for him to date with people who are fine with him using dating as a way to light up their pants on fire, so to speak,” Haechan explains.

“My own soulmate needs that too. We should go on a date, Renjun,” Sicheng says. Renjun chokes on his drink before staring at Sicheng in shock.

“See Renjunnie, that was easier than you and I thought. I’ll leave you two to coordinate your date. I would recommend something that would look super pretty on your social media. That would be the easiest way for them to know about it without none of you saying anything,” Haechan pats their shoulders and leaves them.

“Why the heck did you suggest for us to date? Is it going really bad with your soulmate?”

“You can deny there has always been a spark between you and I. It sucks that we haven't said each other's soulmate word marks before they did. I think we would have been great. We can try it now even if we are doing this to make our soulmates jealous.”

“Are you sure about this? I really had no intention to do this but you know how Haechan can be.”

“I think since it would be beneficial for the both of us we should give it a try. Besides, how many times have I told you that I would take you out to eat and have not?”

“Way too many times to count. Okay, I should at least get the food you've been promising since forever.”

“Perfect. I know a good restaurant. Is really pretty so it is very Instagrammable. It also helps that it is the rival restaurant of my soulmate.”

“Now you are being cruel, Sicheng.”

“He deserves it.”

“Did he do something I should be worried about?”

“I’m fine. He wouldn't do anything physical to me that I wouldn't want but he has been very distant emotionally. I research what would happen when soulmates distance themselves and it doesn't sound fun. Sometimes I want to ask you but then I remember how you look those first few months and I knew I didn't need to ask you anything. I saw it. I don’t want us to reach that point. Sorry for using you as a reference, Renjun.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I wouldn't want you to experience what I have been going through. It doesn't feel great, I just got good at hiding it and ignoring it.”

“That makes me worry more. We are definitely going to have dinner and we will have a great time. I’ll call the restaurant and make the appointment. Is there any day that doesn't work for you?”

“Right now I’m pretty free. We just closed a big project and we don’t have to start back in a few weeks.So I don’t foresee long nights yet.

“Oh yeah I heard about that. Congratulations! We all know you will get them to agree and sign the contract.”

“Thank you!”

“Well, I'll leave you to the rest of your break and I’ll text you the details for our date when I have them,” Renjun nods and watches as Sicheng walks out of the break room.

~~~~

They choose a Friday night to have their date. Renjun remembers the times they both left work later than normal because they got carried away talking while working. He also remembers having a few arguments with Jaemin about this. He wasn't outwardly jealous but he would comment here and there how he really felt. Renjun never knew if he hated the passive aggressiveness of Jaemin or if he would have wants him to be more direct with his jealousy. Not because he wants him to feel that way or deal with the outrage but because it would make communicating each other's feelings a lot easier.

And when Sicheng tells him they have the best wine-to-plate pairings based on other people's reviews of the restaurant he knows it is better at the end of the week and with one day of the weekend to recuperate, in case they drink too much, talk for too long or both.

Sicheng texts him that he is outside, Renjun locks his door and sends a prayer to the universe in hopes of walking out of his apartment building Jaemin and Jeno free. He sighs, smiling at Sicheng when he gets into his car unaware of who was watching him but happy that the universe gives him a break. The conversation starts flowing as Sicheng pulls his car into the traffic and drives away.

“Oh my God, Sicheng this restaurant is beautiful,” Renjun turns around taking in the beautiful interior.

The restaurant is warmly lit with soft brown hues, gold accents, and splashes of green. When they were escorted to the dining area Renjun almost had to hold his jaw. The soft brown colors prevail throughout the restaurant. The gold light fixtures and hardware plus the marble table tops scream wealth. Most of the splashes of greens carried through the dining area but also soft off-white was added.

“Are we sure we can afford this?” Renjun leans closer to Sicheng.

“Of course, we can, besides I’m the one who is paying. This is a date I’m taking you, in case you forgot,” Renjun smiles and shakes his head at Sicheng’s playful tone.

The host shows them to their table, sets the menus in front of them, and informs them that their waiter will be with them shortly. They both nod and wait for the host to leave to go back to their conversation.

“This place is beautiful. I understand why your soulmate thinks of this place as his competition.”

“He is so competitive but I can see why he will think of it that way with how well the atmosphere feels the moment you walk inside.”

“Half of the dining experience is the vibe,” Renjun comments as he takes pictures of the table setting and some of the decor around them, avoiding the few patrons enjoying their meals. Soon after their waiter comes and they engage in small talk, get some recommendations and start with some appetizer and the wine that pairs the best with what they just order.

“I’ll get that started for you two. If you were looking for the plate and wine pairings pages 4 and 5 would be the best to look at and choose from if you feel the rest of the menu is overwhelming. You can always ask me any questions and I’ll give you the best suggestion possible,” Renjun and Sicheng nod at their waiter as he turns to leave to put their first part of their order.

“Wow, the amount of options just within the pairings is a lot,” Renjun comments.

“I can imagine how long it took to just get this part of the menu right.”

“Yeah, I wonder how many times the kitchen had to cook these meals so someone can taste it with different wines. That sounds like an arduous project.”

“It is. Even just setting up just your regular menu is rough. That reminds me of the times I was invited to the tasting before he opened the restaurant.”

“Oh I remember that! Everyone loved when you brought some of the food and the deserts,” Renjun comments.

“I remember some of them were a hit but most of them were a huge miss.”

“Well Chef Yuta can be a little eccentric. It would make sense that his meal creations would reflect that.”

“He is as much of a headache as he is a darling. But I gotta admit that his willingness to try all sorts of combinations makes some strange dishes, but surprisingly tasty. He just gotta fail a few dozen times to get to the good stuff.”

“He does. It makes sense for him to be the chef of your soulmate’s restaurant.”

“Because both of them are a little weird?” Sicheng asks and Renjun can see that he is teasing.

“The best word to describe them is unconventional. Weird is too mild of a term to represent them,” Sicheng laughs loudly and with his entire body. Some of the patrons turn to look at them but Renjun doesn't mind. It has been a while since he has made some of his friends laugh like this. It makes him feel like he is not as numb to joy and happiness as he feels he is.

He hears steps coming their way. Sicheng hears it too and smiles when he sees who is coming their way. He stands up and shakes the newcomer's hand.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you and have you here,” Renjun feels like a bucket of ice water is dumped on him when he hears Jeno’s voice.

“The pleasure is mine. This place looks wonderful. I knew Donghae hyung made the right decision to hire you as the restaurant’s manager when he decided to switch industries,” Sicheng says.

“I heard you are here on a date. Who is the lucky person?” Jeno says as he turns, his eyes meeting Renjun’s.

Jeno looks back at Sicheng and then at Renjun. Renjun stands up not knowing how Jeno is going to react. He thought they would see it through his social media. He had no way of knowing that Jeno was this restaurant’s manager and Sicheng didn't know Jeno is his other soulmate. He only knows of Jaemin.

“Jeno, this is Renjun. Renjun, this is Jeno the restaurant manager,” Sicheng introduces them with a huge smile.

Jeno frowns. Renjun can feel the air around them changing. If it had a smell, that is not the mouth-watering ones from the food around him, it would be sour.

“Renjun, what are you doing at this table? If my host leads you to the wrong table I apologize. I’ll be more than happy to escort you to your table,” Jeno says, his jaw looking very tight.

“There is no need for that. I’m at the right table,” Renjun replies.

“What do you mean you are at the right table?”

“It means that I’m his date.”

“Does he know Chinese?” Sicheng asks in their mother tongue.

“As far as I know, he doesn’t. Then again I don’t know him. Why?”

Renjun sees Jeno trying to control himself but he is doing a poor job of hiding his emotions through his face. He doesn't know him at all, not the way he knows Jaemin if he tries to remember hard enough. But he knows what anger, jealousy, and possessiveness looks like. He doesn't need to know Jeno to know that’s what is showing on his face.

“Who is he?”

“Jaemin’s soulmate.”

Renjun sees as Jeno recognizes Jaemin’s name coming out of his mouth. “Are you now telling him you have soulmates?”

Sicheng smiles, “ so he is your soulmate too,” Renjun rolls his eyes more at Sicheng comment than Jeno’s accusing question.

“He is my nothing,” Renjun says.

“Mjum. That would have worked on someone that doesn't know you like I do,” Sicheng is back to their second language, and this time Jeno understands it all. Both the words and the meaning between the lines. He steps closer to Renjun and slightly in front of him as if he was shielding him from Sicheng. The laughter Renjun shares with Sicheng dies at Jeno’s action. Renjun glares daggers at the back of Jeno’s head as Sicheng stares at Jeno. He wonders what Sicheng might be thinking about Jeno, since they know each other.

Sichen arches his brow at Jeno who huffs and turns around to look at Renjun.

“Can we talk for a moment?” Jeno asks, his voice gentle and nothing like the tension his body is holding.

“No,” Renjun shakes his head.

“Please Renjun, just for a little bit. Please let’s talk about this,” Jeno pleads.

Renjun is about to reject him again when Sicheng intervenes, “Renjun you’ll have to compromise. As a soulmate he is not going to back down,” Sicheng tells him.

Renjun sighs and looks around trying to think if he is really going to hear Jeno out.

“Tell him you can talk to him after we have our dinner. I don’t mind waiting for you in the car.” Sicheng suggests.

Jeno keeps throwing glares at Sicheng every time he talks to Renjun in a language he doesn't understand. “I think I would prefer to get this over with than having an impending conversation over my head the entire dinner.” Sicheng nods, understanding where Renjun is coming from.

“I’m only going to give you 10 minutes or until our food comes in. I’m taking my phone with me,” Renjun turns to point at Sicheng, “text me when the food arrives. Lead the way,” he tells Jeno who leads him away from the table and towards the back of the restaurant.

~~~~

Jeno opens the door for Renjun and they step inside an office right beside the restaurant’s kitchen.

“This is my office,” Jeno says.

Renjun tries to not look around. Tries not to see if there is a picture of him and Jaemin during the time he was heartbroken and in so much emotional and physical pain. He doesn't see anything besides certificates for both Jeno’s and the restaurant.

“If you think you have the right to complain or make a comment about what I do with my life I would highly suggest you rethink your life choices right now,” Renjun says facing Jeno. The little smile Jeno had on his lips turns into a tight press of lips coupled with a frown as Renjun’s words sink in.

“What about us, your soulmates? You do remember we exist, right?”

Renjun scoffs, “So that means you both own me and can come and go as you please? That I will be waiting and ready at you guys becks and calls like a slave?” Jeno shakes his head and the corner of his eyes drops a little. Renjun feels like all of his senses are paying extra attention to every little detail of Jeno’s body language. He hates that his mind is bringing up memories of situations in which he felt like this. But in those memories instead of Jeno is Jaemin who Renjun sees.

“You are not anyone's slave,” Jeno says as he steps closer to Renjun.

Renjun extends his arm and Jeno stops coming closer. “So you are not denying that you think you guys can come and go as you please and that I should be waiting.” Renjun takes a shuddering breath. He doesn't know how much he can take before he needs to physically rub the ache he feels on his chest, just where his heart is.

“I did not say that and would never say that.”

“But you didn’t deny it.”

“Because I happen to believe that waiting for your soulmate is worth it,” Jeno takes another step and Renjun feels he is too close.

“Stop coming close to me,” Renjun extends his arms again. Jeno softly grabs his wrist. Renjun pulls his wrist out of his hand as if he was burned by his touch, “Don’t touch me either. Lucky you to still have that naive view. I clearly don’t share it.”

“I understand—”

“Do you?” Renjun interrupts Jeno, “Do you really understand? Cause you weren't the one who got left behind. Just because Jaemin went out of his way to find you and get you doesn't mean that I would do the same.”

Renjun almost bite his tongue at Jeno’s face. Renjun had never been slapped on the face and he doesn't know if Jeno had that experience but if you ask Renjun that’s exactly how Jeno looks right now. Like Renjun slapped him on the face but instead of his hand hitting him it was his words. Renjun stares as Jeno takes a deep breath and lets the shock and the hurt roll off his face.

“You are not Jaemin so I never thought you would do the same thing he does,” Renjun tries to ignore the horrible feeling when he hears Jeno talk about Jaemin like he knows him better than Renjun could ever know him, “But no matter how much you fight it, how much you ignore us, push us away and lie that you don’t have nor believe in soulmates, you can’t deny that we are each other's fate.” Renjun feels his body tremble at the conviction in Jeno’s tone, words, and face.

Jeno believes fearlessly in their soulmate's fate.

Renjun keeps a tight grip on his facial expression, making sure he looks mad at Jeno. Anger has always been his best mask. It is what has helped him to not drown in the pain. But it is getting harder to keep his head afloat. Renjun feels too much anger and too much hurt to hear them out and it feels like they are acting too slow. Of course, he is his biggest obstacle but he doesn't know how to stop. He is more afraid of opening up and letting them in than the pain he is in and has been for what feels like years but it has been only months.

“Maybe you should ask Jaemin if we are really each other’s fate. Because to me it looks really easy for him to leave me.” Renjun’s phone lights up. He sees Sicheng’s message about the food.

“Is it easy for you?”Jeno asks.

Renjun looks at him through his eyelashes, typing a quick reply before straightening up. “When you have an example, it is,” Renjun walks around Jeno and opens the office door.

“Even when every time you turn away you feel even colder?” Jeno’s question stops him dead on his feet but Renjun decides not to give him an answer. Let him think whatever he wants.

He closes the door and thinks to himself, ‘I’m way past feeling cold. What would they think if they knew? What would they do if they knew.’

Renjun steps into the dining hall of the restaurant and shakes off the conversation. He straightened the sleeves of his jacket before walking back to his and Sicheng’s table. He has a few wine glasses to look forward to and his favorite co-worker has great conversation to entertain himself with.

The rest of the night goes smoothly. Renjun fills his belly with great food, his ears with Sicheng’s laughter, and his bloodstream with wine.

Renjun has learned that alcohol does a great job of numbing the pain and Jeno’s burning glare.

~~~~

No one needs to know. No one sees him sneaking out through the underground parking lot towards the outside lot to get to his car. No one sees him stumbling into the Emergency Room. No one, besides the nurses and doctors who are growing familiar with his face that his body is barely keeping up.

“Mr. Huang it would be better if you agree to let us call your soulmate. Right now the treatment is doing very little. I would like not to wait until you are unconscious,” the ER doctor says.

Renjun sighs and shakes his head. “Think about it a little longer.”

“I don’t need to.”

“Can I be honest?”

“Well aren't you always, Dr. Lee?”

“I already told you to call me Ten. Sadly I have treated you here at the ER long enough for us to be a little friendlier.”

“You still call me Mr. Huang.”

“Right, so Renjun. You don’t want us to contact your friends. You refuse to have us call your soulmate. What do you want me to do? This is a momentary patch that is getting you through a week or two when it used to get you through a month and a half. You are getting really sick. Your soulmate will get really sick too.”

“Soulmates,” Renjun interrupts.

“What?”

“Soulmates, in plural.”

“I should literally knock some sense into you Renjun. You have more than one soulmate and you are here, in the ER, hooked up to an IV with a bunch of stuff trying to keep your body functioning and alive. This is not stubbornness Renjun, you are being reckless.”

Renjun shrugs, making Ten sighs. “I’m giving you a doctor's note to take two days off work.” Renjun is about to protest but one stern look from Ten shuts him up. “The least you could do is take two days, rest, eat well, drink lots of water, and take the medicine I’m giving you. Hopefully, it will be closer to a month before any of us here will see you again.” Ten finishes writing his note and gives it to Renjun.

Renjun takes the note and racks his brain to find a reason that wouldn’t cause his best friends to frantically fret over him for missing two days of work.

~~~~

Renjun is standing in the break room, sipping on his tea while staring at his phone. Would he answer it or would he leave it on read?

“What are we looking at?” Yangyang whispers beside his ear and Renjun almost spills his hot tea on him.

“Yangyang,” Renjun whines.

“Please don’t use that tone when you say my name, it sounds too similar to Kun’s.” Renjun laughs and angles his phone towards his best friend before he grabs it.

“So they are following you through your social media?”

Renjun shakes his head “No, the restaurant Sicheng and I went to is managed by Jeno. Sicheng tagged the restaurant and my account when he posted some of the photos we took to make his soulmate jealous and that’s how Jaemin got here.”

“Wait, Jeno is the manager of this restaurant?” Yangyang points at the photo of Renjun and Sicheng arms on each other’s shoulders, a glass of wine in the other, smiling at the phone, the restaurant as their backdrop.

“It was as much of a surprise to me as it is to you. And it prompted an unpleasant conversation. Poor Sicheng even had a glaring match with Jeno.”

“Wow, does Haechan know about this? He would be having the time of his life hearing one, well now both of your soulmates are jealous.”

“I haven’t talked to him. He is a little busy today getting things ready for when the project starts. Me missing two days of work caused some things to land on his plate.”

“He can manage. Thanks to the universe it was just a seasonal cold and nothing more. Don’t worry too much, we all are busy” Yangyang pats Renjun’s shoulder as to soothe him.

Renjun sighs, “yeah, we are all busy and we are going to get busier since this is the biggest project this company has taken on ever.” Renjun finishes his tea and throws the disposable cup in its designated recycle bin.

Renjun is about to grab his phone when Yangyang points at it. “You don’t mind him seeing the message read?” Renjun shrugs before closing the application.

“Just because he sees that I read it doesn't mean I owe him an answer.”

“Renjun, I hate them as much as any of your close friends, maybe even more. But don’t you think that talking to them, especially Jaemin, should be the next step after you get them jealous?”

“I don’t want just their jealousy. I want their actions. I want them to look for me, search for me, follow me. I want to, for once, stop feeling like I’m drowning in pain and feel like I’m drowning in their love instead.” Renjun lets Yangyang pull him into a hug.

“They will, Renjun. They would be idiots if they don’t,” Yangyang murmurs, and Renjun clings to his best friend and holds back the tears threatening to come down.

Chapter Text

Jaemin leans on the door frame just outside of the main lobby towards the trash bin and recycles bins, out of Renjun’s sight. He still can see as he stumbles into the apartment building and greets the security man. His suit looks all rumpled and two sizes too big for him, which makes Jaemin worry about how much Renjun is actually feeding himself. His hair is all messy from all the times Renjun has run his fingers through it. It is one of the habits Jaemin finds endearing, exasperating, and sexy at the same time. He doesn't stop to think over the conflicting emotions. He can’t let himself think over it or he would want to run towards Renjun.

When Renjun turns to wave good night to the security guy, Jaemin can see that his skin looks as if it’s being stretched to its limits, his under-eye bags even more prominent compared to the time he tried to talk to Renjun in the elevator. He feels his heart pinch and the tell-tale coldness, which now he understands is their bond being mad at him for missing one of them, running through his veins. Jaemin guesses Renjun is hurting too, if he and Jeno are feeling this while being together he can only imagine how bad Renjun must be feeling. Jaemin gotta find a way to break through his stubborn soulmate's walls. He doesn't care how many times he has to apologize, grovel and prove time and time to Renjun, as long as they all make it work and are together.

Jaemin walks up to the desk where the security guy is sitting, he leans on it and stares at Renjun waiting for the elevator to come down, his back is hunched as if he is carrying the weight of the world on his narrow shoulders.

“He looks so stressed out,” Mr. Kim says.

“Work must be brutal,” Jaemin comments back.

“If that is the case then I hope the workload is short-lived because seeing him like that worries me.”

“Why?” Jaemin turns his full attention to Mr. Kim after seeing Renjun get into the elevator.

“Well, I’m gonna tell you because you seem like a good person, neighbor and you don’t look like a person who is going to gossip about other people in the building. And Mr. Cho mentioned that it seems you two know each other. When Mr. Huang first moved here he was in a very bad state, worse than today. He didn’t leave his apartment for weeks. We only saw the same two friends who would come during the morning and at night. Sometimes they will rush in during lunch time just to check up on him.” Jaemin nods at Mr. Kim's words and pulls his cardigan incredibly closer to his body. The ice-cold feeling of their bond intensifies as he hears for the first time what Renjun looks like to others while he was gone.

“How did you know they were his friends?”

“I had to ask and we later received a call from Mr. Huang with the request to add two names to the visitors’ list that gives them access to come in and out as they wish to. I’m sure they were the ones who kept his apartment clean and kept him alive. At least that’s what I have seen from them coming with carry-out food and then coming down with trash bags and asking where to throw it. They did it enough times that now they are very familiar with where things are in the building. Plus one of them came with his soulmate, that’s how he presented the guy to me one evening. I honestly was hoping one of them was Mr. Huang’s soulmate. ”

“You are very observant and very thorough Mr. Kim.”

“You have to be to keep all the tenants safe and secure. But also Mr. Huang is the only one, besides you and your soulmate now, who would always greet me no matter how tired he is or how late he is coming in. Even the rare times he has come drunk he still stops to say hello and to wish me a good night.”

“I think greeting people is common courtesy. It saddens me that you don’t see it as often as you should. You and Mr. Cho do a fantastic job keeping the building safe. I’m sure he sees your effort.”

“Thank you for seeing our dedication. But Mr. Huang is a rare gem. Sometimes he will stop and talk. That’s how he knows about my family and how I come to care so much for him. I have a feeling that you Mr. Na and your partner Mr. Lee are rare gems too. When so few in such a big building are kind to you, you do remember them. He is such a great guy. Out of everyone in this world who deserves to have his soulmate with him is Mr. Huang.”

“I couldn't agree more with you,” Jaemin says, staring at the spot where he last saw Renjun.

~~~~

Jaemin is staring at his phone screen when he hears the front door of his and Jeno’s apartment open. The direct message he sent to Renjun shows read since the day he sent it, and that was a few days ago. He hears Jeno walking into the apartment, the sound of the plastic bag filled with leftover food from the restaurant fills the once-silent apartment.

Jaemin sighs and lays his phone, screen down, on the coffee table. He rubs his face hoping it will wipe off his frustration and the ever-growing cold feeling from the bond.

“He hasn't replied?” Jeno asks.

Jaemin shakes his head as he grabs the to-go box Jeno hands him. “I’m sure he is mad at me. I just never thought he would be so mad as to avoid any type of communication with me and to even attempt to date other people.” Jaemin feels Jeno rubbing his thigh and knee and it does a better job of soothing his anger and frustration than anything he has done to auto-soothe.

The night Jeno came back from work fuming and told him what he had to watch, Jaemin almost lost it. It took all of Jeno’s energy to keep Jaemin inside of their apartment when all he wanted was to bang on Renjun’s door and remind him who he belonged to. Instead, Jaemin let Jeno hold him and whisper nonsense to him on the floor while he tried to reel in back from hyperventilating from the news. That night and the pain in his lungs and throat he felt on the next day served Jaemin a cruel reminder of the biggest mistake he made in his life.

When he starts to feel the symptoms of the soulmate bond he knows he made a huge mistake by leaving Renjun. It is also his mistake to think the elation he felt when he finally found Jeno would erase the pain from his bond with Renjun. He thinks his biggest mistake was not realizing on time that his bond with Jeno was so easy because he already experienced it with Renjun. That he went through all the heavy lifting hence why everything he is building, feeling, and experiencing with Jeno feels so effortless. The moment he realizes that he makes himself see that his pain had not lessened and that now Jeno was suffering too he knew they had to go back to Renjun.That no matter what, he had to not only repent but build the trust he lost with Renjun again and commit to never leaving him. It was his mistake to doubt his bond with Renjun just because it took longer to hear the words written on his skin from Renjun’s mouth.

Jaemin wonders if he had waited a little longer how different the situation would have been when Renjun said the words written on his skin. He sighs and pushes the what-ifs to the back of his mind. What is done has already passed and he needs to focus on the now, which is Renjun.

He was so naive to think Renjun would welcome them with open arms. He told himself ‘We are soulmates, how can he say no to that?’ Renjun said more than no. He flat-out rejected them and the notion of soulmates. Renjun, who believes in it more than he does, more than Jeno does, and more than anyone Jaemin has met. He really fucked up.

“He is furious with us. You for leaving him and me for being the reason you left him even though I am his soulmate as well as you are his.”

“What should we do Jeno?” Jaemin seldom felt insecure. Now he not only feels insecure, he feels incapable of achieving anything.

“We have to keep trying. We can’t give up on him. We mess it up and he has all the right to be mad at us.”

“To the point of hurting?” Jaemin drops his food on the coffee table and closes his hands into fists, “Have you seen him? Stretched too thin doesn't even cover it. I’m afraid we could lose him.”

And there, Jaemin has finally vocalized what has been running through his mind the moment he sees Renjun when they first bump into each other on the streets. He knows how stubborn Renjun can be. He used to find it cute and endearing but now he feels like he should curse his soulmate’s stubbornness. Jaemin feels terrified that his stupid mistake will cause them to lose Renjun. His rational part tells him that Haechan and Yangyang would never let that happen. They have taken care of Renjun better than he has. But he has found he has a hard time remaining rational when it has to do with Renjun or Jeno.

“We won’t Jaemin. I know we won't,” Jeno grabs his wrist and slowly opens one of his hands. Jeno massages the nail marks away from Jaemin’s palm.

''How can you be so sure?” Jaemin asks, looking at Jeno’s hands working on his.

“The same way I knew one of you would have found me. The same way I’m sure we are meant to be.” Jeno lays his head on Jaemin’s shoulder and Jaemin interlaces his fingers with Jeno.

He feels his confidence coming back just a little. Jeno squeezes their hands while he eats his food with his other one. Not wanting to lose the feeling of his soulmate this close, Jaemin reaches for the spoon and sets to slowly eat with his left hand. He is clumsy and slow but he doesn't want to let go of Jeno’s hand either.

They will find a way to win Renjun back, together. The way he should have done it was when he went to find Jeno. Jaemin learned his lesson.

~~~~

“Yes, Yeri-noona,” Jaemin pressed the speaker button on his office phone.

“Jaemin-ah there is a man by the name of Lee Haechan demanding to talk to you right now. Do you want me to call security?”

“Security?” Jaemin hears Haechan through the phone. He thinks he picks some indignation or frustration. It has been a while since Jaemin was exposed to Haechan to know what he’s feeling by the tone of his voice.

“You can let him pass, he is a friend, a very dramatic one.”

“That’s quite the understatement. He is on his way. Call if you need any backup,” Yeri says before handing up.

Seconds later Haechan walks into his office, “I’m here for Renjun and not for you,” and sits himself at one of the two chairs in front of Jaemin’s desk. He watches as Haechan looks around. “Your office looks pretty much the same.”

“Good to see you too.”

“Your office hasn't changed at all. Seems that your personal life is the only thing you like to change.”

Jaemin breathed in through his nose and out of his mouth. He reminds himself he could deal with this Haechan. The first time he met Renjun’s best friend at his old little apartment, before the time they moved in together, he remembered feeling apprehensive about the massive force Haechan was. Jaemin still feels the remnants of the kind of hurricane Lee Haechan is. But he also remembers how clear Renjun was with him when he expressed how important Haechand and Yangyang are to him. Jaemin always thought that if it came down to it Renjun would always choose Haechan and Yangyang before him and now before him and Jeno. He used to hate that notion but now he can’t find a single ounce of anger about that. He is forever grateful for how much Haechan and Yangyang care for Renjun.

“How can I help you?” Jaemin decides to break the stare fight between them.

Haechan scoffs at him, “Is it more like, how can I help you? I swear if I don’t intervene I will lose my best friend and you will lose your soulmate.” Haechan huffs.

Jaemin stares, “I’m listening.”

“Whatever you think you are giving Renjun is not working. He doesn't need space or time. You pretty much forced him to do that when you left him. He needs to know, to see, to feel you and the other guy are in it forever. That you guys are committed to never leaving him. You do realize you tore your soulmate’s confidence in himself, in the soulmate bond, his trust in you and any new person, right?” Haechan’s words hit him like a train going at full speed.

“I… Am ashamed to admit I didn't think of that. And his name is Jeno.”

“Good, you deserve the shame. And this Jeno guy has to start from the ground up. Renjun is not going to let him in just because he knows him from you. He has to earn his trust, our trust. He starts from zero as you did once.” That seems reasonable to him and he knows Jeno will think the same way too.

“And I? Do I start from zero too?” Jaemin asks.

Haechan laughs, “You’ll be lucky if you are not in the negative three digits.”

“I guess I deserve that.”

“You guess,” Haechan scoffs, “the cold feeling you and Jeno are feeling now has been a constant to Renjun since you left him. He thinks he is hiding it well but he is hurting, not only emotionally but physically. He is in literal pain and he is not coping well.” Jaemin curses under his breath at the confirmation of his guesses. “I’ve been debating whether to tell you or not but you should know you guys may be running out of time,” Haechan adds.

“What do you mean?”

“Renjun doesn't know I know but I saw some hospital bills. I couldn't read it all but I did recognize one of the treatments. It was for people who don’t have their soulmates.”

Jaemin curses and startles Haechan. He has been discreetly watching Renjun. He has seen him look worse for wear more often than not but he chucks it to the stress of his work. He remembers there are some seasons during the year when Renjun’s workload gets insane. Jaemin just doesn't remember when exactly those moments happened so he wasn't sure if it was work-related or something else. Something he was too cowardly to admit out loud, too afraid for it to be true. Haechan pretty much verbalized something else he is terrified of.

Jaemin runs his fingers through his hair, messing up his work appropriate hairstyle. He doesn't know Yangyang as well as he knows Haechan, something about being quite the unique individuals, him and Haechan, made it easier for Jaemin to understand him even if he really doesn't understand him. He knows Haechan came here to talk to him, most likely behind Renjun’s back because he is afraid for his friend. Just as he is afraid for his soulmate.

Jaemin sighs, curses one more time, and loosens his tie.

“Could you stop cursing? I’m not used to this Jaemin.” Haechan says.

“Sorry. I know Renjun is stubborn but this is not good.” Haechan nods at Jaemin’s words.

“He never let me warn you about it.” Jaemin gives Haechan a painful smile.

“You have no idea, and you may never have an idea of how grateful I am that you and Yangyang are Renjun’s best friends.”

“Praising me or Yangyang won’t get you anything.”

“I’m stating facts Haechan. I’m not buttering you up or anything like that. I know your loyalty is to Renjun and only him and I want it, I appreciate it’s that way.”

Haechan stares at him for a few seconds before nodding just a tiny bit. Jaemin only caught it because he was looking at Haechan too.

“Anyways, you and Jeno better start wooing Renjun. Don’t wait until you get a call from the ER or us calling because he has been admitted to the hospital,” Haechan stands up and walks towards the door.

“I’ll walk you out.” Jaemin peels himself from his chair.

“No need, I know my way out the same I knew my way in. Renjun is not the only one who still remembers.” Jaemin smiles sadly at Haechan and promises himself that he will make it right.

Now he can see that Renjun is not the only person he hurt when he made the rash decision to leave.

Chapter Text

“How was work today?” Jeno asks.

“Like any other day except I had an unexpected visit.”

“Who?”

“Haechan.”

“Renjun’s best friend? The feisty one?”

“Yup,” Jaemin pops the last consonant as he nods.

“Did he come to warn us to stay away from Renjun?”

“That’s the surprising and worrying part. He told me that we need to get our shit together. Renjun’s soulmate bond is causing him more pain than what we are feeling, enough to go get treated at the hospital and his best friends can see it no matter how much Renjun tries to hide it.”

“Wait, the hospital? So it’s not work stress-related that has got him looking like a zombie.”

“No, it is my mistake and his stubbornness.”

“Jaemin, you need to stop punishing yourself for that. You did what you thought best at the moment. None of us can go back in time to fix it but we can apologize, find the best solution for all three of us, and move on.”

“I know Jeno but it is getting harder to appear like we are not experiencing any pain and to think that Renjun is feeling double or triple what we have been feeling since the moment I left. To learn he has been going to the hospital for treatment and has been hiding it from his best friends worries me. I don’t want to lose him. I can’t lose him,” he signs, “all of this is the consequence of my rash action, and knowing how much he is suffering because of me it does something to my heart that I can’t quite explain. I shouldn't be putting my soulmate through so much pain.”

“I get it, Jaemin. I may not be able to completely understand how guilty you feel since we are carrying different guilts but I understand the lack of words to express how it feels to be the cause your soulmate is hurting.”

“But we are going to fix this, we have to. We probably have to go about it one on one though,” Jaemin says as he runs his fingers through his hair for the fifteen time.

“Yes, we will. And I agree that we have to go about it separately. You have your own issues to apologize and mend with Renjun and he and I have to start from the beginning. Our baggage is too different between him and each of us. It won’t work if we try together.”

“Yeah, he will feel like we are ganging up on him.” Jaemin nods and leans back on the couch, “Besides apologizing for the rest of my life, I need to make it extremely clear, without a shadow of a doubt that I will never, ever leave him again. Not even over my dead body.”

“Jaem, you know you can’t keep that promise if you die, right?”

“Well, you better stick around to watch me keep it,” Jaemin couldn’t hold his smiles back at his soulmate shaking his head at him.

“You are ridiculous, you know that?” Jeno pecks Jaemin's cheek.

“I know,” Jaemin smiles at his soulmate.

They will make all of it right for Renjun. Because out of all of the people in this world, Renjun deserves happiness the most.

~~~~

Jaemin decides to start small but meaningful.

He wrote little notes to Renjun and slipped them inside his apartment mailbox. He kept it mostly motivational and inspirational. Phrases and quotes he already knows Renjun loves or ones that remind him of Renjun.

Sometimes he would even doodle on the corners of the paper. He keeps the doodles simple since his talent for drawing is almost zero. And compared to Renjun it should be considered in the nonexistent realm.

The last night of the first week of leaving him the notes he finds them discarded on the barely used trash can at the corner where their mailboxes are. He takes a deep breath, letting the pain of rejection run through his body before he grabs all seven notes, straight them as best as he can, and carefully folds them to fit the inside pocket of his jacket. He takes the new one and slips it inside Renjun’s mailbox. When Jaemin turns around he sees Renjun standing at the entrance staring at him.

Jaemin doesn't know since when Renjun was there looking at him. He tells himself it doesn't matter. That Renjun could trash every single note he leaves him and he will write him a new one anyway. There is no giving up.

“Excuse me,” Jaemin whispers as he gets close to where Renjun is standing.

The entrance to their mailing area is a little narrow and two people wouldn't fit passing at the same time without angling away from each other.

“Excuse me,” Jaemin repeats when Renjun doesn't move.

“I think you have something that is mine,” Renjun says looking up straight into his eyes.

Jaemin almost protests, using the excuse that he finds them in the trash, but he nods and pulls them out of his pocket. He hands them to Renjun’s waiting hand, his fingers slightly grazing Renjun’s soft palm before the notes land on his soulmate’s hand.

He can feel his bond signing inside of his body by the tiniest physical touch. And by how quickly Renjun is blinking he is sure he feels it too. That is how starved touch they feel when just a mere graze of hands causes such a reaction. Renjun moves to the side, giving Jaemin enough space to walk by without touching him, he nods.

“Good night, Renjun.”

Jaemin doesn't wait for a reply before he walks out there but not towards the elevators to his apartment with Jeno. He walks outside, letting the cold of the last of autumn and the incoming winter shock his body. Since he didn't plan to walk outside he is only in his work suit, all of his outer coats inside his warm apartment. But it doesn't bother him like it used to. What a little more cold could do to him who feels the wrath of his bond daily? He leans on the pillar closest to him and watches the people and the cars passing by.

Jaemin doesn't know how long he has been standing outside in the cold but he knows it was a long time when he sees Jeno’s car pulling into their apartment's underground parking. He forces his stiff body to move.

“Did I catch you standing in the cold again Jaemin?” This is the first thing Jeno says when they meet in front of the elevators.

“Maybe?” Jaemin feels the guilt heavy on his chest.

He knows Jeno is going to fret and worry endlessly in his quiet way. Jeno is probably thinking he is sinking back into the hole they both fought hard to take him out of. And Jaemin won’t lie to himself, for a few seconds he was there. Seeing the notes in the trash pushed him close and it just took a few steps from him and out into the cold, biting weather.

“Why? What happened?”

“I found the notes in the trash can of the mail room.”

“Jaem, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” the elevator dings and they get in, “when I turn to leave Renjun was there and he asked to have them back.”

“So he kept them, that’s good Jaem.”

“I don’t know. He could just trash them inside his apartment.”

“Let’s think positive, okay?”

“Okay. It doesn't matter anyway. I will keep writing the notes. It is his decision what to do with them and whatever he decides I have to respect it.”

Jaemin feels Jeno’s warm hand on his cheek when they stop in front of their apartment door.

“Please, planned or not, don’t stand in the cold for long without proper clothes. You still feel cold to the touch which tells me you spend hours outside.”

Jaemin nods before giving Jeno a peck on his lips. He stays close, their breath mingling together. He feels Jeno’s thumb caressing his lower lip.

“The color is missing from your lips.”

“Want to help me get some color in?” Jaemin teases, “Maybe help me warm up quicker?”

Jeno chuckles and steps back from Jaemin. He unlocks their apartment and pulls him into it.

“Let’s eat first and then we will see about that.”

Jaemin smiles and shakes his head. He will forever find endearing the need for Jeno to feed the people around him. No wonder he is such a well-known restaurant manager that other restaurant owners are still vying for him. He wonders how many more accolades Renjun has achieved that he hasn't been there to celebrate with him.

Jaemin tucks the thought deep inside his brain and helps Jeno plate the leftovers he brought.

~~~~

“What are you doing?” Jeno asks, peeking from behind him.

Jaemin is sitting at the dining table with 20 sticker sheets of Moomin. He quickly covers them and hopes Jeno does not recognize the cartoon. He wants him to learn this detail of Renjun on his own because he still remembers how much his heart wanted to burst out of pure endearment for Renjun.

“Go away, this is something I don’t want to tell you.”

“Okay, I’ll leave you to it. I’m just gonna grab my laptop and play some games here in the living room if that’s okay with you?”

“Of course, it is okay with me. And please tell me you did not catch what this was about.”

“I’m guessing it is something for Renjun but I left my glasses at the coffee table so I couldn't make out what was on the dining table. That’s why I was getting closer.”

“Thank you so much universe.”

Jeno laughs, “You are terrible Jaemin.”

“This is something I want you to learn on your own. You’ll see why when it happens.”

“Okay. I’m glad you haven’t given up on the notes.”

“I can match his stubbornness.”

“And I’ll make note of that.”

“Sorry Jen, you ended up with people as stubborn as we are.”

“It’s okay. Good thing I’m pretty persistent. I’m gonna use my headset so the game noises won’t disturb you.”

Jaemin nods and goes back to his task, which is cutting each Moomin sticker. When he was walking back to his workplace from where he ate lunch he saw the stickers on one of the store's window displays he passed by. He bought doubles of the cutest and newest designs to cut them individually and add them as a gift to the notes.

If Renjun is throwing the notes to the trash at least he wouldn’t throw a Moomin sticker. Or that is what Jaemin is hoping.

When he finished cutting and storing them in envelopes he notes that he has enough for almost three months of daily stickers. He sets the envelopes beside the little stationery he has to write the notes in his and Jeno’s bedroom and smiles at his designed Renjun corner. Jaemin looks around and thinks about how much longer he has to wait for his entire surroundings to be filled with things from Renjun and Jeno. When will all three of them drown themselves in each other's presence?

Jaemin stares at the floor and without much thought he lays on it, ear flat on the floor hoping to catch any sounds from below.

Jeno’s footsteps bring him back a few minutes after he’s been lying on the floor.

“Care to share what we are doing?”

“Hoping to listen to any sound coming from Renjun.”

“Jaemin,” Jeno lays beside him and tangles his fingers with Jaemin’s hair, “babe, you know that is going to be very hard for him to make enough noise it will go through his roof and for you to have super hearing to catch it, right?”

“One can dream,” Jaemin says.

“Want to tell me how you really feel?”

“I miss him,” Jaemin sighs.

Jaemin closes his eyes to stop the tears from spilling when Jeno pulls him into his embrace. He still has not earned his right to cry. Jaemin takes a shaky breath letting himself enjoy the warm and firm body of his soulmate and tells his heart and his bond to wait a little longer.

Jaemin didn't know how long they stayed on the floor hugging each other when his stomach started growling. Jeno laughs and pulls them both up from the floor.

“Let’s order something to eat before you start getting hangry.”

Jaemin smiles at Jeno before pushing him away from him.

“What was that about?” Jeno asks.

“That’s for insinuating I get hangry.”

“I didn’t insinuate it. It is straight-up facts”

Jaemin gasps at his soulmate, “How dare you?” Jaemin reaches to grab Jeno but his soulmate is fast and scurries away from him. Jaemin spends a few minutes chasing Jeno but gives up when his stomach starts to hurt both from laughing and hunger.

“Order whatever you want babe. I’m gonna get a head start on Renjun’s notes for this week.”

“Okay, I’ll call you when the food arrives.”

Jaemin gathers his supplies and sits on his side of the bed to write some of the notes for this upcoming week and to add the stickers to it.

Since he has been doing the notes he already ran out of inspirational quotes to write down that don’t sound repetitive. Now he fills the paper with words of encouragement for the day using their past memories as proof Renjun could do anything he sets his mind to. Jaemin keeps the memory reference to light topics, scared to hurt Renjun further with memories that might be too painful to remember. He also tried to include Haechan and Yangyang in his references too. That way is not only because Jaemin is his soulmate, there were other witnesses to the wonderful things Renjun can achieve.

He hopes, if Renjun is reading the notes, that he knows Jaemin has never forgotten him and will never. He hopes too that Renjun can see he knows how important his best friends are and that Jaemin has sealed that in his mind and heart. Jaemin hopes into the paper because right now is the only thing he can do.

“Jaemin, food is here,” Jeno yells from the kitchen.

“Coming,” Jaemin yells back and cleans up the little mess he made on their bed.

He leaves their bedroom after his stationery and the notes he just wrote are carefully stored in the little corner in their bedroom that belongs to Renjun.

Chapter Text

Jeno is currently sitting up on their bed, eyes barely open with bed hair and pillow lines on his face. Jaemin walks out of their bathroom, a toothbrush hanging from his mouth.

“Babe, what are you up this early in the morning?”Jaemin mumbles.

Jeno blinks a couple of times letting his still asleep brain process the question.

“I want to see you out,” Jeno whines.

Even though most people's first impression of him is that he is cold and distant when they get to know him their impression of him changes. It turns out Jeno is extremely nice, understanding, supportive, and accommodating. Just a very small handful of people that consist of his family, his past roommate, and Jaemin knows how whiny and clingy he gets when he is still half-asleep.

“Why is that?” Jaemin stops to caress Jeno’s bed hair with the hand that is not holding the toothbrush.

“I’m hoping to see Renjun. I’m guessing you two leave around the same time since both of you work at places with more traditional hours.”

Jeno feels Jaemin patting his head before going back to the bathroom.

“You must have rehearsed that. That's a long sentence for half-awake Jeno. But babe, you don’t have to wake up with my alarm. You have nowhere to get ready at this time.”

Jaemin’s voice travels from their bathroom to their bedroom where Jeno is still sitting on the bed wondering if this is really a good idea. Would he be able to hold a decent conversation with Renjun when his brain is lagging this much?

“Maybe I want to look presentable for our soulmate. Rolling out of bed is anything but presentable.”

Jeno hears Jaemin chuckling after the water from the sink stops running. Jaemin leans on the bathroom door frame and they stare at each other.

“I’ll make you a deal babe. I’ll wake you up when I’m drinking my morning coffee. That should give you enough time to freshen up.”

And like magic words, Jeno throws himself back in bed and closes his eyes. He hears Jaemin’s laughter walking out of their room and he smiles at the bright sound of his soulmate's laugh. How long would he have to wait to hear Renjun laugh? Would it be as wonderful as Jaemins’? Would the sound of Renjun’s laughter make his heart flutter and a surge of warmth run through his entire body? Jeno keeps wondering and daydreaming about how his relationship with Renjun would feel like. He did not realize how quickly time had passed until Jaemin was already calling out his name.

Jeno felt his body reluctantly getting up but his mind and heart were excited about the possibility of seeing Renjun today. Even if his soulmate doesn't give him time to even say hello Jeno will be happy to at least see him. He hasn’t asked Jaemin how he feels knowing Renjun is one floor down but still is not able to see him. He tells himself that he needs to have patience with Renjun. Remind himself that nothing good comes when it is rushed and that Renjun is more than worth it.

He gets ready thinking about what he could say in the few seconds it would take for Renjun to walk out of the building. Maybe just a simple good morning or have a great day. He could say a short cheer for Renjun. Something short and sweet, not too cheesy, and nothing that would put Renjun in a bad mood. Jeno wants to avoid that at all costs. That argument he had with Renjun at his restaurant serves him to know he doesn't want to fight with him and he doesn't want to see Renjun that mad ever again.

Jeno pulls on his most comfortable but still decent-looking jeans and after debating between a shirt and a sweater he decides on the sweater. Fall was fast turning into winter and even though he will stay inside in the warmth of the lobby he knows every time someone opens the door a gust of icy wind turns the lobby super cold for a few seconds. He needs to avoid getting sick during this time of the year when the restaurant is getting more popular and people will start making more reservations for the upcoming holidays.

He stumbles out of the apartment with a smiley Jaemin shaking his head behind him. Jeno drapes himself on Jaemin while they wait for the elevator and lets his mind wander. Would they see Renjun when the elevator comes down and stops at his floor? Would they see him saying good morning to Mr. Cho as he leaves the building? Or will he be the only one seeing him out minutes after Jaemin leaves for his job?

Far sooner than Jeno wants he is following Jaemin to the lobby. The elevator didn’t stop at Renjun’s floor and he isn't saying good morning to Mr. Cho.

“Good morning Mr. Na. Oh! What a surprise seeing Mr. Lee here at this time. Special event at the restaurant?”

Jaemin chuckles, “Good morning Mr. Cho.”

The security man waves at them as Jeno feels Jaemin’s lips on his temple. He whispers his goodbye and walks out of the building. Jeno leans on the lobby desk where Mr. Cho is currently sitting down.

“Waiting for something?” he inquires.

“Sort of but don’t mind me. I’ll sit down over there and get out of your way,” Jeno says.

He smiles at Mr. Cho, who tilts his head and watches Jeno for a few seconds before nodding at him and going on with his morning duties, whatever that is. During the weeks he has been living in this apartment building Jeno never walks into or by the lobby this early in the morning. Being a restaurant manager who mainly focuses on dinner and only offers lunch during the weekends means his workdays start a lot later than most people but it also ends a lot later. Only when the other manager and both of the supervisors are in does he feel he can leave early.

Jeno sits down and pulls out his phone to entertain himself as he waits for Renjun to come down. He tries to stop his mind from thinking of outrageous scenarios. They might all be running out of time if his anxious searches on the internet about their symptoms are accurate but he wants to take his time getting to know Renjun. He wants to give him the same attention and devotion he gave to Jaemin when he appeared in his life. Jeno hopes that getting to know the other and growing affection for each other, beyond the soulmate bond, will help all of the cold and the physical aches slowly disappear.

Jeno is so sucked in the videos he has been watching that when Mr. Cho said his name out loud he almost jumped out of the bench he had been sitting on.

“You can tell me what you are waiting for and as soon as it comes into those doors I can call you,” Mr. Cho says.

“Well, what I’m waiting for is not exactly coming from those doors. I hope it's not, that would definitely make me worry,” Jeno mumbles in the last sentence.

He shakes his head and sees the time on his phone. Either Renjun left before he and Jaemin came down or he was so into what he was watching that he didn't hear him. Jeno quickly discarded the last thought. He had always known when they were close by. He can’t explain how he knows but he can feel when his soulmates are close to his physical location. Maybe it is all the constant longing he always has for them.

“Ah! You are waiting for someone. If it’s one of the tenants and you don’t mind me knowing, I can keep an eye on them and let them know you are looking for them,” Mr. Cho offers.

Jeno shakes his head, “Don’t worry about it, Mr. Cho. Have a great rest of your morning. I’ll see you later when I leave for work,” Jeno says and pats the security guy's shoulder.

He makes the trek back to his apartment fighting the heavy feeling of disappointment. Before he lets his mind and heart wallow too much he decides that he will try again tomorrow, and the next morning, and the morning after that one. He will wake up way before his time just with the hope of seeing Renjun and he will fight whatever feeling invades his body and heart the morning he doesn't get to see him. He knows they are worth the wait and he knows Renjun is worth the little sleep sacrifice.

~~~~~

After a few days of constant questions from Mr. Cho, whose only intention is to help him, Jeno finally sees Renjun coming down to go to work. He quickly stands up and waves at a surprised Renjun.

“What do you want?” Renjun asks.

“Good morning,” Jeno says.

“Good morning. Were you waiting for me?”

Jeno rubs the back of his neck, “Yeah, all week actually.”

“Why?”

“I wanted to see you and hopefully, if you want, I would like for us to get to know each other.”

“You can ask Jaemin,” Renjun looks at his clock.

Jeno needs to express what he wants quickly, concisely, and in a way that leaves no space for Renjun to wonder if his intentions are what he is saying they are.

“I don’t want to know you through Jaemin’s lens. I want to know you myself. I told him I would prefer it that way and he thought it was the best.”

“Best for him, you or me?”

“He didn’t say but I’m gonna assume it’s for the best for all of us. You and Jaemin have things to work through if you even want to. You and I are still strangers, we have our own things to learn about and work through.”

“And you and Jaemin?” Renjun asks.

Jeno knows he is prying. Trying to find what kind of relationship Jaemin left him for. Maybe weighting by what would come through Jeno’s mouth if they are worth Renjun’s time.

“I can only talk for myself Renjun. What I can say is that I’m still getting to know Jaemin and what it means to be in a relationship with one-third of my soulmates. Heck, I’m still getting used to the idea that I'm even in a relationship but I pray and want this for so long that I’m willing to do all the work that is needed to make it work. As much as I long for us to be the unit we are meant to be, I know you and I need to know each other and learn what our relationship looks like, the same way I need to keep learning and working on my relationship with Jaemin. You’ll have to ask Jaemin for the answer to your question.”

Jeno watches as Renjun bites his thumb before sighing.

“I’ll think about it. And it is not because I think you deserve it but because I know my brain will think about it whether I want it or not. I gotta go now,” Renjun nodded and left before he could see the small smile on Jeno’s lips.

For Jeno, the weekend came and went like a blur of busy long and late hours at the restaurant and lazy late mornings or early afternoons talking with Jaemin about their weeks, kissing, and learning about each other’s bodies. And when Monday morning comes Jaemin wakes Jeno just as he promised so he could accompany Jaemin out and wait to see Renjun.

They both greet the security man before Jaemin gives Jeno a peck on the lips and leaves. Before Jeno sits Mr. Cho calls him.

“Mr. Huang left just five minutes ago. In case he is the person you were going to wait for,” he says, and Jeno thanks him.

He ponders if he should sit for a while to appear as if he is not waiting for Renjun but he finds that he doesn't care who knows. Since he is dressed in athletic wear and he won’t be falling asleep now that he knows he won’t be seeing Renjun he decides to give their apartment building gym a try. He needs to work on his stamina if he is thinking of surviving the holidays and Jaemin’s libido.

Thankfully the gym is empty, it helps that Jeno is coming at a time when most people are on their way to work. He starts warming his body with an easy jog on the treadmill and when he feels his body is all warm-up he switches to the weights section. Being careful not to overdo it, not only because he doesn't need to pull a muscle right at the beginning of a week but also because he is alone and he would like to avoid any possible accidents.

Jeno lets his mind go blank as his body takes over. Only when his eyes land on his watch does he realize he needs to stretch his muscles and get back to his apartment to get ready for a short shift at the restaurant. Monday’s are slow days and he is not really needed. He only goes because of their weekly meeting to look back on the past weekend and prepare for the coming week.

Clean and dressed he jogs out of the elevator, waves at Mr. Cho, and gets in his car. Once he is at the parking lot of the restaurant he sends a quick message to Jaemin letting him know he’ll be back around dinner time. Jeno steps out of his car and into the restaurant looking at the simple message Jaemn sent full of his affections.

‘Looking forward to having dinner with you, babe <3’

~~~~~

Either Renjun is always running late at the end of the workweek or fate is giving Jeno a break after seeing his hope crash every morning is what Jeno thought the moment he sees Renjun walking out of the elevator.

“You wait for me every morning?” Renjun asks.

“Except Saturdays and Sundays, yes.”

The shock on his statement physically makes Renjun take a step back. He slowly shakes his head and murmurs something bout ‘now it makes sense what Mr. Cho was saying the other day

“What was that?” Jeno asks.

He finds himself smiling at how cute Renjun looks when he is whispering to himself. Jeno will ignore the possibility of Mr. Cho snitching on him.

“Nothing, I was just talking to myself.”

Renjun looks at him up and down. Jeno can feel him not only assessing him but judging him. He makes a tiny nod, Jeno only sees it because he is staring at Renjun as much as Renjun is staring at him.

“Most days I leave before 7 am. Roughly between 6:45 am and 7:00 am. By today I’m tired and dragging so it is a miracle I’m leaving before 7:45 am. Thankfully my commute is less than before and even though I don’t need to be at 8:00 am at my workplace I like to be there by that or just a few minutes after. I can’t give you more than just a few minutes. I don’t know if that would be enough to get to know each other.”

“But it is a start, Renjun. That is all I dare to ask at this point.” Jeno interrupts.

“Yeah, it is a start. Have a good day and a great weekend.”

“You too,” Jeno waves at Renjun who walks backward as if he didn't want to take his eyes off Jeno. Jeno didn’t want that either.

Jeno turns around when Renjun is out of sight just to see Mr. Cho's eyes blinking at him.

“Ummm, I hope you don’t mind that I asked but isn't Mr. Na your soulmate? It’s okay if you guys are open to other relationships. Kids these days are a lot more open than the generation I’m coming from.”

Jeno chuckles, “I can assure you Mr. Cho that it’s nothing like that. I don’t know how much Renjun would like to share about his personal life so I won’t get into details but it is not like that. Even though there is nothing wrong about people who consent to date people who aren’t their soulmates; Jaemin, Renjun, and I aren’t looking to do that.”

“Then I’m confused at the interaction I just witnessed.”

“We just talked for a few minutes. Nothing to be confused about,” Jeno says.

“That’s true, maybe I’m just reading into it too much. Mr. Huang deserves to have more friends and you and Mr. Na looks to be around the same age. I hope you three can befriend each other.”

“I hope so too Mr. Cho. I gotta go get ready for work. Have a great rest of your day,” Jeno parts ways with the security guy smiling not only because Renjun let him know what window of time he had to see him in the mornings but also because he liked the idea of being Renjun’s friend.

He knows he is more than that but friendship is a great base to build a lifelong relationship. And that’s exactly what Jeno wants with Renjun and Jaemin.

~~~~~

“Isn't it too early to be laughing so loud?” Renjun asks as he nears the desk of Mr. Cho.

Jeno looks at him from head to toe admiring how handsome he looks in a suit but he also can see Renjun swimming in it. He feels worry pooling in his gut. Jeno wonders how bad Renjun’s health must be for one of his friends to reach out to Jaemin behind Renjun’s back. Maybe he should try to invite Renjun to a meal. Or maybe he should start bringing breakfast for Renjun to take with him to work. Jaemin is the better cook out of the two but Jeno knows his way around the kitchen and he knows he can whip something good for Renjun in the mornings. He might have to wake up earlier than Jaemin but sleep is something he doesn't mind sacrificing for his soulmates.

“I’m just laughing at the story Mr. Lee was telling me about the time he attempted to cook his favorite meal made by her mom and ended up being a big failure,” Jeno receives a mischievous side-eyed from Mr. Cho.

“I missed her cooking so much. I couldn't visit with how busy I was at that time. Plus you eventually get tired of take-out after eating it for weeks.”

“Jaemin doesn't cook for you?” Renjun asks.

“That was when I was by myself. I didn't know Jaemin then. I think we met the year after, I think.,” Jeno clarifies.

Renjun nods, “Were you a student? Why wouldn't you be able to visit your family? Unless it is like me that we live in different countries, then I get it.”

“Well, at that time I just finished my bachelor's degree and got a new job on top of the other two I had while I was a student. My parents live here but it is a few hours if you travel by plane and I saw them when I graduated. I was just feeling very melancholic for some reason and missed my mom’s food.”

“Oh, I totally get that. I miss my mom’s food too. She, obviously, makes my favorite Chinese food better than I ever could. Jaemin came close but—” Renjun stops talking.

Jeno could tell it was because of him mentioning Jaemin and the memory his mind brought up. He racks his brain for a change of topic before it could further make Renjun uncomfortable.

“I now use it as an excuse to try many places that cook the same things I love from my mom and call it research so the restaurant covers it,” Jeno says.

Renjun looks at him and smiles. “I wish I could do that. The amount of food I would charge to the company would be outrageous.”

“You can come with me. My chef likes to experiment a lot so we have to try a variety of cuisines.”

“Are you inviting me out, Jeno?” Renjun asks.

“I mean I will have to kick out my chef but yes, I would love to take you out to eat and have a good conversation,” Jeno smiles

Renjun looks at his watch and Jeno knows he will leave in the next few minutes. He always does, it is like Renjun instinctively knows when he is running out of time. Or maybe not, Jeno is not wearing his watch and his phone is in his back pocket so he doesn't know the exact time when Renjun looks at his watch.

“I’ll think about it and let you know if I will take you up on that offer. I gotta go. Have a good day, you too Mr. Cho,” Renjun waves goodbye and steps out.

Jeno stares out until he can’t see Renjun at all. When he turns around Mr. Cho is smiling at him with knowing eyes.

“What?” Jeno asks.

“Don’t think I didn't notice Mr. Huang mentioning Mr. Na by his first name. He may have not finished his sentence but it sounds like he knows Mr. Na very well.”

“Mr. Cho, how did you end up thinking that Renjun knows Jaemin very well? Aren’t we still the new tenants?”

“Mr. Lee, I'm old. Most of my job is to observe and I got good at it with time. Something is going on or went on with you three and whatever it is I hope is good for Mr. Huang. He really doesn't deserve to look like he did when he first moved in.”

“Believe Mr. Cho when I say I want all the goodness of the world to be bestowed on Renjun.”

“Do you think you are in that category?”

Jeno thinks it over. Is he good for Renjun? He has to be, he is Renjun's soulmate. That’s pretty much what the bond does. Bring people who are good for each other together so they can be even better together. But they are all, currently, not in the most ideal situation. Jeno thinks a lot of conversations would have to happen before they could truly be good for each other.

“I hope I am. That’s what I’m working towards.”

“You are a sincere person, Mr. Lee. I’m sure he will see it and think of it as something good to have in his life. This world lacks honest people,” Mr. Cho says.

“Thank you,”

“Babe!” Jaemin’s voice reached his ears and Jeno couldn't hold his smile.

“Already ready for work?” Jeno asks

“Yeah, and by your face, I can safely guess you talk to Renjun.”

“I did.”

“That’s good,” Jaemin palms Jeno’s cheek, “I’m gonna go to work before traffic gets impossible. I’ll see you tonight.”

Jeno nods, “I might even be able to be home before or at the same time you come.”

“Not a busy day?” Jaemin asks.

“Oh no, it is busy but I’m more than well-staffed and the main chef will be there so he will be the one personally taking care of the important tables.”

“Nice, text me if you think you’ll be back before me so I can send you on a short grocery run and cook something together.”

“Sounds like a great plan,” Jeno leans in for a kiss, “I’ll text you.”

“Perfect,” Jaemin says before kissing Jeno. He leaves after he gives a few more pecks and Jeno is successfully signing in content. He talked to Renjun and he was able to send both of his soulmates on their way to work. It is still far from the domestic dreams he has most nights but the possibility is there and Jeno lets that fill his heart with hope and soothe the soulmate bond.

Chapter Text

“Chef Wang,” Jeno calls just before he opens the door to the kitchen area.

“How can I help you, Manager Lee?”

Fei Wang is one of Jeno’s restaurant chefs. The owner, who is also the main chef, Xiao Dejun staffed his kitchen with almost equal Chinese, Korean, and Japanese chefs and cooks. Is part of his vision for the restaurant that Jeno doesn't completely understand but comprehends enough to make it a successful business.

“I have a personal request and I would like to see when you have space for such a request.”

“Of course, let me quickly wash my hands and we can get talking.”

Jeno nods and waits for her before both walk towards his office which is right beside the kitchen. He motions her to sit down and offers her something to drink. She only takes a bottle of water and waits for him to share with her what he wants.

“My sou— my friend has been missing his mother’s food. He is Chinese but I don’t know where exactly. I was wondering if you could some time during this week make a few staple Chinese comfort foods. Something that is not easily found here.”

“Are you asking me because I’m one of the two female chefs?” She teases.

“Oh no! I asked because you are one of the senior chefs and I think you are the best one at knowing when to fuse things and when to keep the food true to its origins. I also like your cooking best, don’t tell Chef Xiao. I already have a meeting on the calendar with Dejun about more female staff in the kitchen and within higher ranks. I promise we are working on it,” Jeno explains.

He and Dejun have been talking about what can be done to not only make the restaurant more successful but a safe and enjoyable workplace. They have both been taking a lot of diversity training and talking with each other and with other professionals about it. Jaemin once told him he would love to work at Jeno’s restaurant because of all the changes being done and the ones that they are working on it looks and sounds like a wonderful place to work. Jeno thinks Jaemin has the skills to at least be a cook, maybe some of the chefs would take him under their wing as an apprentice but being Jaemin’s soulmate might make him a little biased.

“I was teasing you Jeno, but I’m glad you and Dejun are keeping the promise of a more diverse staff. I’ve seen it within the management staff and I’m hoping it will soon translate to the kitchen staff.”

Jeno feels the tension he has left off his shoulders and lets himself feel a little proud about her compliment on the work he and Dejun have been putting in for the restaurant and staff success.

“I’m glad our efforts are being seen and I hope everyone knows they can always express their concerns to me or write them down anonymously. I’m confident about our positive, welcoming staff but I also have to have tools set up for people who feel they might face repercussions if they speak out.”

“As for your request, how many plates are you asking me for?” She veers the conversation back to the main topic.

“Just a couple. Like I said I don’t know from where his family is nor where exactly he grew up so I’m not giving you much information to work off. I think two or three would be sufficient, plus I don’t want to overwork you and I don’t want to overwhelm him and cross any boundaries I don’t know about.”

“So you just want to give him a taste of home. Now I understand why you ask me. I do remember how much you begged Chef Kim to prepare you the fried rice you missed so much from your mom”

Jeno laughs. “He was so tired of me asking that he forced me to learn how to cook it, which I appreciate so much.”

“Does Jaemin know about this friend? Because that man can cook anything, you should convince him to come work here.”

Jeno knows she is joking but it is no secret to him that Jaemin has charmed his entire staff, in and out of the kitchen. They all would rather see Jaemin than himself and he can’t blame them.

“Jaemin knows him but it is complicated.”

“How complicated? I’m not getting into a compromising position with your soulmate right Jeno?”

“You are not,” Jeno takes a deep breath, “I’m sure Jaemin has shared a lot of his personal life with you, which in turn shares some of mine and I’m glad it hasn't affected our working relationship”

Jeno decides to sit down beside her. He tries to keep his personal life out of the restaurant but they have built such a tight community that they feel like family too.

“The food is for me and Jaemin’s soulmate.”

“Excuse me Jeno but I don’t think I’m following. Yours and Jaemin’s soulmate? Wouldn't that be each other?”

“We have a third soulmate. Jaemin might have talked about him without mentioning his name nor that he is talking about his soulmate. He sometimes reminisces about him. Some of the stories he tells about when he was younger include things he did with him. To answer your question you are not getting yourself into any compromising situation. We are not cheating on each other. We are trying to take care, know more, and understand our very stubborn soulmate.”

She stares at Jeno for a few minutes before sighing. “Now I see why you preface it with 'it's complicated'.”

“Yeah, it is,” Jeno chuckles and feels grateful for how cool her reaction was after he dumps a bad summary of their current situation.

“I’ll get something simple for you to take today before your workday is done. Your task is to get some feedback, maybe which area in China he and his family are from would be great. But if it gives you feedback only about the food I can work with that.”

Jeno reaches for her hand and squeezes it. “I don’t know how to show how grateful I am or how long it would take me to show it but really, thank you.”

“Once I know which food he really likes and misses I’m gonna make you learn it, so you’ll have nothing to thank me for.”

Jeno’s laughter fills his office. He nods at her as she stands up and excuses herself to get back to work for the restaurant and for his request. He stays seated dreaming about a future where he could cook Renjun’s favorite food.

When she told him she had the food already ready he went into the kitchen area and told her he was going to help her clean her station and offered to help the staff wash all the dishes so they don’t have that much after the restaurant is closed. They try to refuse Jeno’s help but he isn't taking no for an answer.

He brings a sticky notepad to Chef Wang in case she wants to leave a note as the person who prepares the food. He folds the letter he is working on through one of his breaks and tapes them both on top of the first to-go box.

When he walks into his apartment building he stops to say hi to Mr. Kim, their night-shift security guy. He didn't have to do the grocery run because Jaemin’s workday ended a lot earlier than normal. He didn't tell him any reason as to why but he knows they will talk about it over food or when they are scrolling through Netflix looking for something to watch.

There were some complications that needed his attention which meant that Jeno stayed at the restaurant for longer than he and his entire staff hoped for but he still left earlier than he usually leaves. He bids Mr. Kim good night and heads to Renjun’s floor.

Knowing that Renjun lives exactly below his apartment makes it easier for Jeno to know which door he will be knocking on. He taps a few times but gets no answers. He rings the bell in case his knocks weren’t loud enough. His hopes of seeing Renjun for just a few minutes and giving him the food himself were crushed when the neighbor beside Renjun, a young lady, steps out with his recycling.

“Oh, you are waiting for Renjun?” she asks.

“Yeah, I had something to give him.”

She looks at her digital watch. “He doesn't come until a lot later, for what I can hear, which is not much. You can leave it there in front of his doors. None of us will take it or you can leave it to our security guy, he is such a sweet old man. He’ll make sure Renjun gets it when he comes in.”

“Mind if I ask you— does he come home late every day?”

“Why do you ask?”

“I just worry he is working too much. That’s why I brought him some food. His suit looks a little too big on him”

She gasps, “You have noticed that too? Yeah, he comes late almost every day. Mr. Kim downstairs can confirm it. I’m so glad Renjun has more friends that are looking out for him. You can totally leave the food in front of his door. I’ll have an ear in the hallway and make sure he takes it in. Can’t guarantee he will eat it but he is such an angel, I don’t think he has the heart to throw it in the trash.”

“That would be so nice of you. I’m glad he has such a good neighbor like yourself.”

“Of course, we all love Renjun here. I’ll get going because this bag of recycling is feeling a lot heavier than before.” She waves at Jeno and hops on the first elevator.

Jeno hangs the bag from the door handle, he ties it a little to make sure it doesn't fall to the floor and hopes the lady doesn't look into it when she comes back. He lingers for a few more minutes before turning towards the stairs. Jeno didn't feel like waiting for the elevators. He steps into his and Jaemin’s apartment quietly.

Jaemin looks at him. “Why are you sulking?”

“I am not sulking.”

“Yes, you are Lee Jeno. Now tell me what got you sulking.”

“Renjun. Who else?”

“What happened?”

“Well, he mentioned he misses his mom cooking after he heard me talking about me missing my mom’s food with Mr. Cho. When I went to work I asked Chef Wang to cook something for him and when I brought it he was not home. One of his neighbors told me he comes late almost every day. She sounded enamored with Renjun.”

“Are you sulking because you didn’t get to see Renjun now or because his female neighbor might find Renjun attractive?” Jaemin asks.

“Both.”

Jaemin coos at Jeno who grimaces at his soulmate and squeezes his cheeks between his hands. Jeno lets him peck his cheeks a few times before he squirms away.

“Would I be able to complain about you and this random burst of extreme acts cooing with Renjun?”

“Do you really want me to answer that?” Jaemin asks.

Jeno knows why he asks but his spirits are a little deflated and he would like to hear something about Renjun from Jaemin. He feels like he is already so deeply infatuated with Renjun with just a couple of encounters. Those couple of minutes he manages to talk with Renjun have given him more energy than copious amounts of coffee have ever.

“Yes, please.”

Jeno lets Jaemin stare at him for a few seconds before he feels pulled into a hug. Jaemin runs his hands through Jeno’s hair and scratches his scalp every so often. They both sigh further cuddling into each other.

“Yes, you would be able to complain about me with Renjun.” Jaemin sighs again. “I wish I could tell you more about him but I don’t want to influence your relationship with him.”

“I know and I’m thankful. I just miss him even though I haven’t had that many interactions with him. I can’t imagine how much you miss him and long for him,” Jeno says.

“You have no idea,” Jeno hears the sadness in Jaemin’s voice and hugs him tighter.

“Now let’s get cooking 'cause I’m hungry.”

Jaemin chuckles as Jeno pulls him by the wrist towards the kitchen.

~~~~

Monday morning comes and Jeno finds himself stumbling out of the apartments minutes prior to the range of time Renjun usually leaves. As soon as he reaches the lobby desk Mr. Cho greets him. Before he could ask if Renjun already left for the day, the elevator doors open and Renjun walks out of it with a to-go cup of coffee.

“Good Morning Mr. Cho. Good Morning Jeno.”

“Good morning Mr. Huang. You seem like you had a good night's sleep,” Mr. Cho says.

“I did. I hope I’m not interrupting any fun conversations but I’m pulling Jeno aside for a talk.”

Their security guy shakes his head and ushers them to stand further away from him. Jeno tries not to worry about this private conversation Renjun wants to have with him. Was the food bad? That couldn't be. Chef Wang’s food is one of the best in the area. He has to fight to keep her almost every day. Did he step over a boundary? Jeno starts to feel bad over the unknown boundary he steps over and his mind is running a hundred miles per second trying to find ways to correctly apologize. He only stops overthinking when he feels a pinch on his arm.

“Earth to Jeno,” Renjun says.

“I’m sorry if I overstep a boundary. I didn't—”

“Stop. You didn’t overstep anything so you can relax.”

Jeno sighs and holds back a smile when he sees Renjun chuckle at his reaction.

“I just wanted to say thank you. That was so nice of you to do out of just a passing comment.”

“To me, it wasn't just a passing comment.”

“I know. Still, thank you. The food was very lovely and I enjoyed reading both your notes and Ms. Wang’s short letter.”

“I’m glad.”

“Here,” Renjun takes an envelope from his jacket, “this is for Ms. Wang. I might have already told her what I like and where I’m from so take your time learning the dishes she intends for you to know. And not asking for help from Jaemin.”

“Are you giving me a mission?”

“I’m multitasking here Jeno. I’m motivating you, giving myself something to look forward to, letting you learn more about me and hopefully this will make you feel more comfortable to open up to me too.”

“Whatever you want to know of me, I’ll tell you.”

Jeno slides his hands inside his front pockets to avoid pinching Renjun’s blushing cheeks. He feels Jaemin should have warned him of how cute and adorable their soulmate is. Jeno doesn't know how much longer he can hold himself back from wanting to touch Renjun.

“Well, since we are on the topic of food, what is your favorite dish your mom used to prepare for you?” Renjun asks.

“I have many but the one I’ve been missing the most right now is her fried rice. I will tell you later from whom Chef Wang got the idea of teaching me how to cook your favorite dishes.”

“Why not know?”

“I don’t know how long we have until you leave for work and I don’t want to hold you back. Also, Jaemin leaves a few minutes after you and I don’t know if you feel okay with seeing him or us.”

“You are right. Is a lot easier when it is just you and I. And well, I keep turning him down and away so nothing has changed between him and I. Thank you for considering how I would feel. It kind of reminds me of him, which kind of makes sense.”

“Why does it make sense?” Jeno asks.

“Just something I read a long time ago about soulmates when I used to look forward to it.”

“I hope this doesn't put any pressure on you but I hope we can, with time, help you look forward to it. I read great things about the soulmate bond and I wholeheartedly want you to experience all the good it brings.”

“Time will tell. Have a good day Jeno, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Renjun waves goodbye, and Jeno stares at his back until he can see him no more.

Chapter Text

Renjun rarely checks his mailbox. Most of his boxes are received by the security guards and he picks them up whenever he arrives. And most of his bills are automated so Renjun was surprised to find little notes on top of the only envelope in his mailbox. He recognizes the handwriting, Renjun doesn't think there will ever be a time he won't be able to. Most of the notes are encouraging quotes, a couple being his favorite ones. Renjun tucks in the farthest corner of his brain and heart the knowledge of Jaemin remembering his favorite quotes.

There are a few doodles on the corners and Renjun can’t hold back a smile. He quickly shakes his head and reminds himself that this is the same Jaemin who left him. Renjun grabs the notes and the envelope that’s been sitting in his mailbox for a while. As he turns towards the exit he sees the empty trash can and without thinking, he throws the notes in the trash. For a second he wants to grab them but he forces himself to let them stay there.

“If the notes are still there when I come back from work then I’ll actually take them with me,” Renjun says to no one but himself.

His workday passed in a blur of too many meetings and the notes he left in the trash of his apartment building poking at the back of his mind.

When Renjun steps into his apartment building he sees Jaemin turning towards the mailroom. He waves hello to Mr. Kim and quickly goes in the same direction he sees Jaemin walking. He stops just outside of the door and watches as Jaemin grabs the notes Renjun thrashed in the morning.

Renjun can’t see Jaemin’s facial expression but by the way his shoulders slumps and the sigh he could hear through the empty mail room he could imagine the frown on his face. Renjun wasn’t ready to see the pain spilling from Jaemin’s eyes when he turned around. The notes are no longer in the trash can and Renjun can’t see them in Jaemin’s hands. Without noticing he moved past the door while he was staring at Jaemin’s back. Renjun was pretty much in the way of Jaemin who wanted to leave the room.

“Excuse me,” Jaemin whispers as he gets close to where Renjun is.

Renjun is about to move but remembers the notes Jaemin left him in his mailbox. Yes, he followed Jaemin into the mailroom but he already had intentions of coming here to pick up the notes he left in the trash. Jaemin just got to it before he did.

He knows the entrance to their mailing area is a little narrow for two people passing at the same time without angling away from each other. Renjun still didn’t move.

“Excuse me,” Jaemin repeats.

“I think you have something that is mine,” Renjun says, looking up straight into Jaemin’s eyes.

Renjun can’t help but wonder how he can still read Jaemin so well after months of not seeing him, talking to him, and trying his damn hard not to even think of him. Renjun is sure Jaemin is about to protest. Maybe say some sharp remark about the notes being in the trash hence having no owner but to Renjun’s surprise, he pulls the notes from the pocket inside his jacket and hands them.

Renjun bites the inside of his cheek to avoid gasping at the feeling of Jaemin’s fingertips grazing his palm. He wants to scream to the bond when it sings so loudly and happily inside of his body. If it wasn't for it, he would have already pushed Jaemin out of his heart, mind, and soul. Sometimes he curses the soulmate bond and the ridiculous invisible force that ties him with Jaemin and Jeno. Renjun breaths deeply and reminds himself he is trying to let go of the bitterness that is still holding on to his heart. He wants to give his soulmate the space to prove themselves. Renjun will admit that Jaemin’s notes are a sweet gesture, something he remembers Jaemin wanting to do for forever but hasn’t found a way to do it, until now.

So Renjun lets the bond enjoy the meager skin contact and moves out of Jaemin’s way.

“Good night, Renjun.”

Jaemin’s voice echoed in the empty mailroom. Renjun clutches the notes harder and walks towards his mailbox. He opens it and sees the folded note. Renjun decides that he will grab it tomorrow morning and takes the first baby step in his and Jaemin’s healing path. Because despite the bitterness, Renjun at the very least wants to heal their pain. He thinks they could breathe a little better if at least that is resolved.

Renjun goes back to his apartment and spreads the notes on his coffee table. He stares at the quotes Jaemin knows are his favorite and the few notes filled with Jaemin’s words of encouragement.

“Even when he is being cautious he is still so genuine,” Renjun says to himself.

Renjun rummages through both of the apartment's closets until he finds a suitable box. He brings it to the living room and he starts meticulously getting rid of the paper wrinkles on the notes before depositing them inside the box. Renjun takes the box with him to his room and sets it on the opposite bedside table. He goes about his night like normal and tries to ignore the tiny bounce on his step that the notes give him.

~~~~

Before Renjun could reach the lobby and Mr. Cho’s desk he can see Jeno's sleepy form on one of the benches their lobby has. He is a little hunch and Renjun watches him trying to rub the sleep away from his eyes. He quickly looks around and feels a mixture of relief and disappointment not seeing Jaemin too. Renjun slips his hand inside his pocket and rubs at the note he grabbed from his mailbox.

Renjun straightens his posture and walks towards Jeno, waving to Mr. Cho when he walks by the desk.

“What do you want?” he asks.

“Good morning,” Jeno says, blinking at Renjun.

“Good morning. Were you waiting for me?”

Jeno rubs the back of his neck, “yeah, all week actually.”

Did something bad happen? Is Jaemin okay? Is Jeno okay? He looks okay besides looking sleepy and adorable. Oh come on Renjun, get a hold of yourself. This is the man Jaemin left you for, who apparently is your soulmate too. It can’t be something super serious. Renjun may not know Jeno as he knows Jaemin but if something happened he feels Jeno would have been more forthcoming instead of just waiting around for Renjun to show up.

But, why? Why has he been waiting for him all week? Renjun quickly looks at Mr. Cho, wondering if he knew Jeno had been waiting for him, and refrains from saying something to him. The more Renjun tried to turn those four words around in his mind he couldn't come up with a suitable reason as to why Jeno would be here, clearly far out of his wake-up time, waiting for him.

“Why?” Renjun asks out all the questions floating through his head.

“I wanted to see you and hopefully, if you want, I would like for us to get to know each other.”

Oh, that. Renjun ignores how those words and the hopeful tone in Jeno’s voice make his bond react. Renjun doesn't know how he is going to deal with the constant whiplash his bond is giving him these past few days. Going from constantly hurting because he is not with his soulmate to near euphoric feelings when one of them does something to shorten the gap.

“You can ask Jaemin,” Renjun can barely contain his annoyance.

He is not annoyed at Jeno. He is annoyed at the situation and at his own side of the bond.

“I don’t want to know you through Jaemin’s lens. I want to know you myself. I told him I would prefer it that way and he thought it was the best.”

Renjun breathes in and hopes Jeno can’t see how his entire body trembles at his words. He hopes Jeno is not this smooth all the time because Renjun doesn't think he will be able to take it. He can’t even think, he won’t even do it, feeling the brunt of Jeno and Jaemin’s smooth and focused attention. Renjun pushes his bond to settle and pulls a little of the bitterness still inside his heart to help him survive this first solo encounter with Jeno.

“Best for him, you or me?” Renjun lets his bitterness talk but he won’t lie to himself. He does want to know the answer.

“He didn’t say but I’m gonna assume it’s for the best for all of us. You and Jaemin have things to work through if you even want to. You and I are still strangers, we have our own things to learn about and work through.”

“And you and Jaemin?”

The question spills out of his mouth before Renjun could even register what he was asking. He watches as Jeno tilts his head. Renjun knows he is running out of time on a day he is already running late but he usually leaves work later than most people so coming later than his normal late won't say anything about his work ethic. He has proven time and time again how much of a workaholic he has turned it. His boss reminds him of this far too often.

“I can only talk for myself Renjun. What I can say is that I’m still getting to know Jaemin and what it means to be in a relationship with one-third of my soulmates. Heck, I’m still getting used to the idea that I'm even in a relationship but I pray, and want this for so long that I’m willing to do all the work that it needs to make it work. As much as I long for us to be the unit we are meant to be, I know you and I need to know each other and learn what our relationship looks like, the same way I need to keep learning and working on my relationship with Jaemin. You’ll have to ask Jaemin for the answer to your question.”

Renjun bites his thumb before sighing. He is getting a little tired of people telling him that he has to talk to Jaemin. Sometimes Renjun wants to scream that he knows. No one better than him knows how much he needs to talk to Jaemin. He decides that he has stayed long enough. Renjun needs time to digest not only Jeno’s words but actually the entire situation of Jeno seeing Renjun in the morning before he leaves for work to get to know each other.

Jaemin’s timid first step with his notes and now Jeno’s eager and adorable actions to get to know him are a little too much for Renjun whose bond is still hurting him and his memories still haunt his dreams. Renjun is still reluctant and afraid, so very much afraid.

“I’ll think about it. And it is not because I think you deserve it but because I know my brain will think about it whether I want it or not. I gotta go now,” Renjun says, nodding at his words and the sternness of his voice. He turns and walks out of his apartment building and by the time he reaches his car the full force of the bond pain makes him rest his hot forehead on the cool body of his vehicle. He unlocks his car with shaky hands and the stark contrast registers something in his mind.

While he was talking to Jeno, Renjun felt no pain.

~~~~

Renjun is so tired that he doesn't see the big bag, nor does his brain register the mouthwatering smell of food before his hand grabs the doorknob of his apartment. His foggy brain recognizes the name of the restaurant. Renjun grabs the bag and stumbles towards the kitchen. He settles the bag on his counter and starts pulling the to-go boxes and bowls. He sets the letters to the side while he sorts through everything. He opens the first letter.

“I obviously don’t know what you like to eat and I refuse to ask Jaemin. One of my chefs it’s Chinese too and I asked her to prepare something someone from China might want to eat but can't find here.
I don’t know what she made but I do want to tell you that she and Jaemin had interacted sometimes and I don’t know if some of his memories with you slipped into their conversations. So, if it is something you think you might have said to Jaemin, I'm sorry. I hope the food gives you the nutrients your body needs and the comfort a home-cooked meal from your own country can give you.

PS. It is okay if you don’t want it. I understand I'm still a stranger to you. But I ask if you can freeze it and donate it to your co-workers or maybe someplace where they give warm food to people in need. I know I’m asking a lot but I hate for the food to end up in the trash when someone could not go hungry. This may be the restaurant manager in me that wants everyone to be fed. I’ll stop here because I think I’m rambling. Enjoy the food and have a good night.
Hoping to get to know you, Jeno.”

Renjun stares at the heartfelt note and at the amount of food the chef at Jeno’s restaurant prepared for him. He also finds it interesting that both Jeno and Jaemin like for people to eat well. They may have different reasons but the outcome is the same. He starts opening the containers and his eyes water at the familiar scents filling his apartment. He sets aside Jeno’s letter and opens the second letter. To his surprise is a short letter from the chef written in Chinese. Explaining a little bit of Jeno’s request and a few questions to help her cook food that is more to his taste and region. The thought of wanting to meet this Chef comes into Renjun’s mind and he finds that he is not opposed to it nor scolding at himself for thinking about a future involving Jeno. He needs to work on reacting the same way when it is about Jaemin though. Renjun clears his mind and tells himself one step at a time, no matter how small it is.

The note puts a solid smile on Renjun’s lips. He sets some of the containers on the dining table he rarely uses and grabs his chopsticks, and a glass of water. He props his cellphone on the fake flower base he has and video calls his mom. He eats the food while he talks to his parents. Renjun knows the soulmate topic is a little hard for them to touch with him. Well, he knows everyone except Haechan and YangYang, finds it hard to even mention the word soulmate when he is around. Renjun decides it is time for him to bring the topic.

“Yeah, I’m eating food from one of the Chinese chefs from my soulmate’s restaurant,” he casually says when they ask what he is eating.

“Jaemin has a restaurant?” Renjun’s mom asks.

“No mom. Jeno, my other soulmate, is the one who manages a restaurant.”

“Wait, what?” both his parents yell.

“I know, I’m having a hard time wrapping my mind about it too.”

“Renjun, would you explain it to us? You don’t have to if you can't at this moment.”

“It’s fine. I can explain at the very least. It seems that I have two soulmates. This is me guessing because I haven’t talked to Jaemin but whatever he was feeling amiss, what he could only describe at that time as me not really being his soulmate, was the abscess of our third soulmate.”

“Do you have any plans of talking with Jaemin?”

“Maybe, things with him still hurt. It is easier with Jeno because he is a stranger and it is easier to start from zero with him. I still don’t know how to go through the baggage I have with Jaemin.”

“We understand Renjun. We just want you to be happy and healthy. You don’t seem as bad as the last time we had a video chat with you.” Renjun’s dad says.

“Just don’t wait too long darling. Stretching the uncomfortable talk will just hinder all of you. Don’t add more regrets to the pile I’m sure you already have.” his mom comments.

“I’ll try, that’s the best I can do right now.”

“I’m sure Jaemin and Jeno appreciate you trying. Hopefully, we will be able to meet this Jeno guy sooner rather than later and also have the chance to give Jaemin a little hard time for breaking my son’s heart.”

“Dad, you don’t have to do that,” Renjun whines. “I’ll see what I can do about Jeno. We are still just getting to know each other. Bond or not, it's too early for meeting the parents.”

Renjun’s parents laugh and their conversation moves to some of his relatives and all the good and some of the bad news he has missed since he doesn't live there anymore. They say their goodbyes after Renjun is done with most of the food that was in front of him. He was surprised at how much he ate. He already was going to write the chef a note but now he was going to write the chef a letter. He cleans the dining room and the kitchen and before leaving to his bedroom he grabs both letters.

Renjun tucks Jeno’s letter with Jaemin’s notes and pulls paper and a pen to write a letter to the Chef. After he is done with it and with his night routine he bundles less than he usually does. He notices it and makes a mental note to run through his symptoms checklist and see if anything has changed or improved.

~~~~

“Renjun, whoever is sending you this lunch needs to be updated about your position in this company,” Taeyong says as he enters with a plastic back in his hand.

“Who is sending me lunch?”

“I don’t know. You tell me.”

Renjun grabs the bag and opens it. He freezes for just a second and hopes Taeyong didn't pick on that. He knows this was sent by Jaemin. It might even be cooked by him. Renjun opens the container and it confirms his guess. Mouthwatering meat stares back at him with his favorite grilled vegetables.

“I tried to search for it by the name on the logo but I couldn't find it. Is this a secret place, the ones people only know by knowing other people who know about the place?”

“Your guess is as good as mine. I don’t recognize this logo,” Renjun says without looking at Taeyong. He knows his face will give away his lie.

Renjun knows the logo on the container very well. Is the logo Jaemin made back when he wanted to open a restaurant. Funny how things go that they end up with a restaurant manager. Renjun waves Taeyong out of his office and stares at the container. He debates between eating it or trashing it but he doesn't want the food to go to waste. He also knows Jaemin packed too much food for him. He quickly sends a text message to Haechan and Yangyang. Not even five minutes passed when both of them almost ran into Renjun’s office.

“We may not like him right now but we aren’t fools to turn down meat that has been cooked by Jaemin,” Haechan says.

“I bet that is one of the things you miss about him,” Yangyang says.

“So far is the only thing I miss about him— well beside making our Renjunnie happy.”

“Less talking and more eating,” Renjun instructs.

“On it,” Yangyang says before grabbing two pieces of meat.

This went on for about a week and even though it was nice and Renjun enjoyed seeing his friends eating good food he knew he shouldn’t keep accepting it. Not until he and Jaemin lay everything on the table and start sorting through their mess. And like everything in Renjun’s life surrounding his soulmates, the opportunity didn’t wait for him to be ready. Taeyong reminds him to tell his soulmate that he no longer works in their department or he will tell him directly.

“I’m gonna have to talk with Jaemin about this,” Renjun says as he waves his chopstick over his office coffee table that has to turned into their lunch table for the past week.

“You sound like you are going to your death,” Yangyan says.

“It was about time. I didn't know delivering you lunch would be the catalyst but I take anything at this point,” Haechan comments.

“What does that mean?”

“You very well damn know what it means. Yes, they have to woo you and shower you with love for eternity but you and Jaemin need to talk. You both have plenty of unresolved shit that needs to be solved before he full-on courts you. You need to have closure for the pain and anger you have related to even the mention of his name.”

“I agree with Haechan. It's different with Jeno. You are getting to know each other and besides being the person Jaemin left to find, you have no other baggage with Jeno. With Jaemin you have suitcases that are overweight.”

Renjun rolls his eyes at Yangyang’s presumption of how much his and Jaemin’s baggage weight but he can’t deny it is heavy. There is a lot of past to sift through.

“I know but I’m still so angry, hurt and sad. I don’t know why I can’t let it go,” Renjun confesses.

“You probably need a reason. Something you can logically work through your emotions. Just ask him why, ask him to explain as best as he can why he left so you can start healing,” Yangyang says.

“You’ll have to multitask a little here Renjun. While you heal you have to make an effort to get to know Jeno and re-work your relationship with Jaemin,” Haechan says.

“I already multitask at work. I don’t really need more things to multitask.”

“That’s what you get for having two soulmates.”

“Thanks Yangyang,” Renjun says exasperated with his friend.

“Ignore him, he had an argument with Kun and he has been all bitter and snappy all morning,” Haechan explains.

“Excuse you, I have not been bitter nor snappy at all,” Yangyang yells.

Renjun and Haechan look at each other before replying together. “Right.”

Yangyang turns his head away from them and keeps eating. They all fall into a few moments of silence that gives Renjun some time to think over what they talk. He can always count on them to be honest and candid. And whether he likes it or not he is running out of excuses, even for himself, as to why he hasn’t talk with Jaemin. Maybe this lunch delivery is the universe telling him to start the conversation already.

Renjun knows they don’t have to go through everything the first time they talk. It would be too painful for both of them. But he needs to stop running from it all.

“I’ll talk to him as soon as I see him. If it takes too long I’ll ask Jeno to help me reach out to Jaemin.”

Haechan and Yangyang nod and congratulate him for taking the first step to mend his relationship with his soulmate and cheer for his health to get better now that he is done with being stubborn. Renjun glares at them but then smiles as he remembers one of the things he wants Jaemin to stop doing.

“Well I'm glad you guys agree with me. I hope you are really enjoying this lunch because it’s going to be the last one.”

“What?” Yangyang asks.

“Why?” Haechan whines.

Renjun laughs at his best friends and he thinks he feels ready to heal himself.

Chapter Text

The next day, Renjun sits on one of the chairs at his workplace lobby for a couple of minutes before Jaemin shows up with a white plastic bag full of food. Renjun quickly walks towards Jaemin with a polite smile on his face, the one he gives business executives he is trying to convince to approve his project or investors to give their money to his company.

“Hi Jaemin.” He grabs him by the arm and pulls him as far as possible from the front desk. “This needs to stop. I appreciate the sentiment behind it, but you really don’t need to be cooking and delivering lunch to me.”

“Why not? Is there anything wrong with me wanting to make sure you are eating properly? You are working yourself to your bones Renjun. Food is the only thing I can do to fight against your stubbornness.”

“Again, Jaemin, I appreciate the thought behind it. I really do, but stop it, please.”

“Why? Tell me why, and if you aren’t lying, I’ll stop.”

“Jaemin—”

“Thank goodness you are letting him know you don’t work at our department anymore. You know how much everyone fought daily to take the lunch to him? Everyone loves Renjunnie here.” Taeyong, his colleague and mentor back when he first started at the company, says as he pinches one of Renjun’s cheeks.

Renjun sees Jaemin really trying to hold his words back, but a little twitch on his left eyebrow lets Renjun know Jaemin isn’t winning the battle he is having with himself. He quickly jots down his name on the visitor’s list, grabs a visitor’s lanyard with the ID and pulls Jaemin by the wrist holding his lunch towards the elevator.

They stayed silent all the way to Renjun’s floor and on their way to his office.

“Don’t let anyone disturb me for at the very least an hour. Haechan and Yangyang are included on that list,” Renjun instructed his secretary.

He leaves Jaemin in the middle of his office as he closes the door with a lock and closes the blinds.

“Wow, you now have your own office and you have a secretary,” Jaemin says.

Renjun could hear the surprise in Jaemin’s tone, which was a complete contrast with the deep frown he was sporting.

“How much have I missed?” Jaemin sets the plastic bag on the nearest table and sits down.

Renjun came to a realization. Just because Jaemin left doesn’t mean he got unscathed from the situation he put himself into. Renjun’s anger and hurt were so painful that he never thought Jaemin hurt himself too. That the pain Renjun felt from the bond could be felt by Jaemin and most likely Jeno too. It was probably a different type of pain, but they were hurting nonetheless. Renjun also didn’t think about everything he and Jaemin missed from each other’s lives and how they would feel about it. He was, and still is, so wrapped up in his hurt that he couldn’t think past it.

Renjun pulls one of the chairs in front of his desk towards Jaemin. He taps him on the knee twice and waits for Jaemin to look at him. Jaemin slowly raises his head and stares back. Renjun can count on one hand the times he has seen Jaemin looking so devastating. It pulls not only at his bond but also at his heartstrings. Beyond their soulmate bond, Renjun fell in love with Jaemin, and he knows it only hurts this bad because of how much Renjun loves him. He lies to himself frequently, but nothing comes from denying that he is still very much in love with Na Jaemin.

“We need to talk,” Renjun says.

Jaemin sighs and nods. “We do; I just don’t know where to start.”

“Let’s start with this,” Renjun points at the plastic bag.

“Come on, Injun-ah, bringing you lunch is nothing.”

“Are you even eating? Or are you using your entire lunch break to come here and deliver my lunch?”

“I don’t have much of an appetite these days.”

“Me neither, and I still force myself to eat. Sometimes Haechan forces me too.”

“Bless that demon,” Jaemin jokes.

Renjun chuckles and shakes his head. He can’t believe he misses the antagonistic banter between Jaemin and Haechan. He wonders what kind of interactions his friends will have with Jeno. Gosh, he was already thinking about it all. Part of Renjun wanted to fight it a little more, but a bigger part was tired of fighting his feelings and the bond. Renjun was starting to realize that holding onto the past and the initial hurt was making the pain worse.

“How about a compromise?” Renjun suggests.

“What kind of compromise?”

“How about having lunch together? Let’s meet a couple of times a week at a restaurant or a cafe that is between our workplaces. Just us for a while. I’m not able to give you all of my lunches, you know how Haechan and Yangyang will complain, and sometimes my lunches are business related that I can’t say no to.”

“Jeno gets pretty much all of your mornings, and I get some lunches.”

“Don’t be jealous of your soulmate, who you live with, I might add. At least I’m being a little more open, Jaemin. I’m trying. I need you to try too.”

“I know Renjun. I’m sulking just because. I’m happy that you are willing to have lunch with me a few times a week. I was ready to deliver you lunch for a couple of months. This is a huge milestone for us.”

“We messed up badly if having lunch together is now a milestone,” Renjun says as he pulls the containers out of the plastic bag and hands Jaemin cutlery.

Jaemin stares at him. “What? I bet you don’t have much time out of your lunch and you haven’t eaten yet. Let this be our first lunch together,” Renjun says.

Jaemin nods and starts eating only after Renjun takes a couple of bites. “So, how are we going to let each other know when we can and can’t meet for lunch?”

“Is your phone number the same?” Jaemin nods. Renjun pulls his phone out of his pocket and in less than a minute Jaemin’s phone beeps.

“Same ground rules as when we started dating. No calls unless they are absolutely necessary and for emergencies. Don’t drain my battery by sending me millions of memes and keep the emojis to a minimum, Jaemin please, for my sanity.” Jaemin nods, still staring at his screen, smiling.

“I can do that.” Renjun tries to contain the smile that wants to slip seeing how excited Jaemin is at now being able to communicate with him, with boundaries, but still they now have a way to talk.

“I also need you to explain something to me as best as you can.” Renjun adds.

“Anything, Renjun.”

“There is going to be a moment that you will regret saying those words, Jaemin.”

“With you and for you, never.” Jaemin smiles.

“Why did you leave? Explain to me what went through your mind that convinced you that the best thing was to break up with me.”

Jaemin stares in surprise at Renjun. He knew Jaemin expected a lot of questions, but probably he didn’t expect this one so early.

“I don’t know if we both have enough time right now. I’m not using it as an excuse, but I also don’t want to make you late the very first time I have lunch with you. Do you want to listen to my explanation after work? We can go to a cafe, as it is a neutral space for both of us. You tell me, Renjun.”

“The cafe sounds nice. I’ll text you when I leave work so we can meet up.”

“I can meet you here at five.”

“Right, you don’t know about my new position and workaholic tendencies,” Renjun whispers. “I rarely finish my workday at 5:00 pm. It’s a miracle if it ends at 7:00 pm. But since I made a commitment to meet you, I’ll be mindful of the time and not be here for too long after five. I now lead an entire department.”

“Wow, is this the department you always said you were going to lead?”

“You remember that?” Renjun asks.

“Of course. I remember everything. If my leaving made you think I forgot about you and our memories, let me be extremely clear. I’ve never forgotten anything related to you, Renjun. I could never.”

Renjun could feel the intensity of Jaemin’s words and eyes all the way into his bones. He could also feel his bond screaming at him to touch him. To grab his hand, hug him, kiss him, just do anything to be close to him. Renjun laces his fingers together and waits for the bond to calm. He isn’t sure if Jaemin feels the same and wonders if Jeno feels this.

“Thanks for telling me that. Now let’s finish this food because I told Haechan and Yangyang they wouldn’t be having your cooking again after I talked to you.”

Renjun receives the most dazzling smile from Jaemin, and he lets himself admit that he missed it.

~~~~

Renjun texted Jaemin around 6:30 pm, and after a few more messages, they settled on a cafe closer to their apartment building when Renjun mentioned its desserts are really good and it has the biggest tea variety in the city.

Renjun didn’t tell Jaemin not to bring Jeno, hoping he would understand this is something just between them and counting that at this time Jeno is deep in work at the restaurant too. He walks into the cafe and immediately spots Jaemin in his staple mint hoodie and dark sweatpants. His hair is down and a little damp from the shower he took after his day at work. That’s what Renjun guessed.

He sits down in front of Jaemin and gives him a small smile.

“What kind of tea do you want? Do you want something to eat? Have you had dinner? You probably haven’t since you just came from work. Maybe we should have gone to a place you could have gone to eat.”

Renjun chuckles and taps Jaemin’s hand with his index finger. “Green tea with the house cake would be fine.”

“Okay, I’ll go and put our order. You relax here. I can’t believe you work more hours than I do.” Jaemin shakes his head on his way to the register.

Renjun loosens his tie and takes his suit jacket off. He wants to pull his shirt out of his pants, but then he would look so dishevel people might think Jaemin is the one causing his stressed-out-of-his-mind look. He leans heavily on the comfy chair he is sitting on and waits for Jaemin to come with their order. Jaemin arrives with their drinks and desserts a few minutes later since the cafe is not busy.

“Here you go. One green tea and the house cake,” Jaemin says as he sets the cup and plate in front of Renjun.

“Thank you,” Renjun says before he takes a sip from his tea. He sighs with contentment as the liquid warms his insides.

“As much as I want to spend all the time with you, I know you need your rest, so I’ll start explaining myself.”

“Go ahead, you have my entire attention.”

Jaemin nods, takes a sip from his juice and sits a little straighter.

“The only way I can describe it is that something felt off. Like what we felt through the bond was a muted version of what we saw from our friends and what was reported online. I thought it was something wrong with me; I always thought it was me.” Jaemin’s voice pitter out for a few seconds.

“I saw a few doctors, read a ridiculous number of articles, and then I stumbled on a blog post about someone who spent years with the wrong person. They really weren’t each other’s soulmates. Now in retrospect it was silly of me to think that was the answer when what that person went through was completely different from our experience but I was desperate,” Jaemin takes another sip of his drink and bites into his dessert.

“You could have talked to me,” Renjun says.

“I know, but your almost blind belief in soulmates scares me a little. I believe in it, but not with the fervor you and Jeno do. Besides, how can you tell your soulmate you think you aren’t soulmates just because the bond doesn’t feel to you like other people describe it? It was not just because you hadn’t said the words; I was very aware that some couples can take a while to say it. I know it doesn’t happen at the same time, but I couldn’t tell you any of that. I couldn’t get the words out. Couldn’t get the courage to even attempt it.”

“And that’s when you decided it was best to break up with me?” Renjun asks.

“Not immediately, I debated for a while what to do. I tried maybe to make you hate me or despise me. We fought a lot, and I’m ashamed to admit most of it was intentional. And then I did the second stupidest thing in my life; the first one was leaving you, in case you were wondering.”

“I wasn’t, but okay,” Renjun says.

“Well, I seek out advice online. And that’s how I ended up convincing myself the right thing to do was to break up with you and find my soulmate. A few days after I met Jeno, I was in the same predicament. The bond felt like before, muffled. Now I know it must be because we are meant to be a unit of three and not of two. I hope I was able to explain what I did that landed us in this mess.” Jaemin finishes, head down, eyes staring at his lap.

Renjun traces the handle of his teacup. He liked that this cafe uses pretty cups to serve its tea and coffee for the patrons who wanted to consume inside. He can imagine the amount of washing someone has to do for the cups to be readily available. He lets his mind wander around unrelated topics while he digests what Jaemin just confessed to him. Now that he has a reason and pretty much the entire journey that landed Jaemin walking out of his life for a few months, he wonders what he is going to do about it.

It hurts, Renjun won’t deny that. Hurts that he didn’t feel like something was missing from their bond the way Jaemin did. It hurts that his earnestness towards the soulmate subject ended up making him someone his own soulmate couldn’t talk to. It hurts that though the actions taken were wrong, it is clear to Renjun that Jaemin had good intentions; he just went about it in the wrong way. Jaemin’s voice brings him back from his thoughts.

“I’m sorry I’ve hurt you. It was the last thing I wanted to do. I just wanted you to have the soulmate you deserve. Have the bond feel like it is supposed to be felt and not our water down version.” Jaemin touches Renjun’s hand lightly, just for a few seconds, before letting go.

“So you wanted me to be happy but ended up breaking my heart. Nicely done, Jaemin,” Renjun says, and he hopes Jaemin can see, can hear he is slightly joking.

Jaemin leans back in his chair and stares at Renjun. The hurt in Jaemin’s eyes was crystal clear, as was his determination. “I’m willing to rectify my mistakes, as long as you let me. Not because it’s a need but because you want to let me back in.”

“I’m gonna be honest, Jaemin, I need to let it simmer in my mind, let myself process it rationally and emotionally. Right now it still hurts, but the anger has lessened. I do have a request.”

“Anything,” Jaemin says.

“You’re really going to regret saying that.”

“And you’ll see that when it comes to you, I’ll never regret saying it.” Jaemin’s intense stare makes Renjun lower his gaze for a second.

“I request that we be honest. No more lies between us. It’s okay to take some time to find the words to express what we want to say, but no more omissions. No more outright lies. No more deciding over someone else’s life. We talk through all of it — good, bad and downright ugly.”

“We as in you and I or as in you, I, and Jeno?”

“You and me for starters. We were the ones with the communications problems. I hope it ends up sticking in my and Jeno’s relationship, yours with him, and I hope it is ingrained in our very souls when we find the way to be as a unit of three. Baby steps Jaemin, I can only do baby steps.”

“That sounds more than reasonable. Thank you for clarifying it to me.”

“Thank you for not assuming.”

“See, we are making progress.”

Renjun grabs his cup and smiles into it.

~~~~

Renjun usually leaves the sorting and trashing of his recycling to the weekend since he has little to no time during the weekdays. He is wobbling towards the big recycle bins of his apartment building when he sees Jeno. He is about to stop but decides against it unless he wants the precarious balance he obtains when he grabs the trash to be recycled to crash on the floor. When Jeno sees him settling down his containers to go through them, he gives Renjun a small smile. It turns his eyes into crescent moons, and Renjun almost chokes on feeling his heart fluttering for the first time after a long time.

“How are you?” Jeno asks.

“I’m good. Glad I had today and have tomorrow to rest. How are you? I’m surprised to see you here on a Saturday night.”

“Why are you surprised?”

“Aren’t you usually super busy with the restaurant during the weekend?” Renjun asks.

“Ah, both of my supervisors needed a weekday off, so I work those, and they are working the weekend. Plus, the head chef is there too, and I’m always a call away if they need my help.”

“Oh, that explains it.”

They continue working through sorting their own recycling in silence. Renjun can’t help but wonder how Jaemin copes with being alone most, if not all, weekend nights. One of the things that made being with Jaemin easy for Renjun is that for the majority of their relationship they had similar schedules. So they could set aside time for each other and to go out and about. They even went on a few vacations. Renjun guesses it is hard to do that with someone whose work schedule is so different from yours.

Renjun notices Jeno finishes first but still lingers around like he is trying to magically find something to do or say. He recognizes that Jeno must want to spend a little more time with him. He holds back his smile at the thought that comes through his mind. Jaemin complains for the few minutes Jeno has of Renjun’s work mornings when Jaemin is most likely getting anything between 3 to all of his workday lunches. Renjun can tell that even though Jeno is eager for his time, he still feels shy about it. Jaemin is, well, Jaemin, and there is not a lot Renjun can add about that.

“Can I help you, Renjun?” Jeno asks, and Renjun finds his shyness so darn endearing.

Renjun looks at Jeno. “And have you rummaging through my trash?”

Renjun watches as Jeno’s facial expressions change, revealing most of what the question makes him feel. “That isn’t my intention, I swear. I would rather you tell me and show me your life and your heart on your own,” Jeno huffs and puffs the words out as if he has runned a marathon to explain himself to Renjun.

Renjun smiles. “I’m joking. It would be great if you helped me. The sooner I finish here, the sooner I can get back to my tea and my movie.”

“I’ll sort through this in record time.” Jeno gives him the biggest smile Renjun has seen so far.

“What kind of tea are you drinking tonight?” Jeno asks while helping Renjun with the remainder of the recycling.

“I’m feeling some jasmine tea.”

“Sounds like you are gearing yourself up for a very relaxing evening.”

“That’s the goal. Good food, a good movie and a fragrant tea.”

“Here you go.” Jeno gives Renjun his empty containers, where he throws his recycle throughout the week. “I hope you have a wonderful evening. If you need anything, you know where to find us.” Jeno turns to walk away.

“Hey Jeno, wait.” Renjun calls and holds Jeno’s shirt.

Jeno turns to look at Renjun’s small hand holding onto his shirt before looking at his face.

“Can we exchange phone numbers? Only for emergencies or times when we aren’t able to see each other in the morning. Keep the emojis and the memes to a minimum.”

Renjun watches as Jeno digests his words and, once his mind catches up with it, he quickly pulls his phone out of his pocket. Renjun lets go of Jeno’s shirt to pull out his own phone. Renjun looks at the phone number under Jeno’s name, and he can barely believe he has made all of these forward movements. “I hope you are not a chronic meme sender like Jaemin, or I will have to implement the same boundaries.”

“No one is as bad as he is.” Jeno comments.

“Right! He used to drain my phone battery with the number of text notifications I would get. It was infuriating but adorable at the same time.”

“You have been the only one who has summed up Jaemin’s duality so accurately.”

“I’m sure with a few more years under your belt you’ll find your own descriptors for Jaemin.”

“You know what, I once asked Jaemin if I would even be able to complain about him with you.”

“And what did he say?” Renjun curiously asks.

“He said that eventually I will be able to. I know this is not really a complaint but more like an observation, but it is nice to talk to you about him.”

“We will get there, and if you need any advice or need any hints on how to go about anything with Jaemin, now you have my number to ask.”

“Are you going to seek counsel from Jaemin when you don’t know how to go about things with me?”

“Ah, he told you I gave him my number.”

“He ranted about communication and no lies and the delicate balance of being honest with me and giving you the space to decide when and where to share things with me. After I pull his hands away from his hair, I find out he just got your phone number and that you guys will be going on lunch dates when you are available.”

“I can’t believe he broke down just because I gave him my phone number.”

“I will never deny how much he, and to an extent myself, have hurt you, but he isn’t okay either. He is just masking it around you. He doesn’t want what he feels to influence the speed of your own healing.”

Renjun sighs. He shouldn’t have forgotten about the biggest character trait from Jaemin. His selflessness got them into some pretty big fights, and it seems his tendency to put others’ comfort above his has not changed. Renjun is grateful for it, he knows, and Jaemin knows he needs it, but he doesn’t want Jaemin to hide his feelings from him. Renjun makes a mental note to touch upon this with Jaemin on one of their lunch dates.

“I’ll talk to him about that.”

“I already did.”

“That’s great, but I still have to touch on the subject with him. I need you both to understand that sharing how you feel, how this entire mess makes you feel, is okay. You are not manipulating me or pushing me to do anything by sharing. If we want this to work, we need to communicate with each other.”

“You know it goes both ways. Besides anger and pain, I don’t know how you really feel, and I’m guessing Jaemin doesn’t know either.”

“I’m working on that. I’m trying to find the words to express it all. I promise I’m trying.”

“I’ll hold you to that promise. I won’t take more of your evening then. Enjoy your tea and your movie. Good night Renjun.” Jeno waves at him as he walks further and further away from Renjun.

Renjun grabs his recycling container and heads up to his place. While watching the first movie of the evening he planned to watch, he sent Haechan and Yangyang a text message asking them to meet tomorrow for brunch. His head is full of tangled up thoughts, and no one is better than his best friends to help him with it.

Chapter Text

The first lunch they actually have together because Jaemin won’t count the one they had in Renjun’s office is at a small quaint restaurant. If it were up to Jaemin, he would have taken Renjun to a fancier and expensive place, but Renjun decides this is a good place to start. Small and intimate and tucked away from real life. And Jaemin is still so in love with Renjun and so guilty for the pain he causes him that he would say yes to almost anything. He still has some self-preservation in him and, well, he has a second soulmate to take care and have in mind too. Jaemin still trusts Renjun not to lead him down a destructive path.

The host leads them to a small booth tucked in a corner. The entire place smells really good, and it makes Jaemin look forward to the food they will order. They both waited until their waiter came and gave them their menus and exchanged small pleasantries and recommendations to decide what out of their entire relationship they wanted to talk about.

Once they order, Renjun clears his throat, and Jaemin gives him his entire attention.

“Gosh, I forgot how you can stare at someone like the entire world stopped existing. It makes me a little embarrassed,” Renjun says.

“I can look elsewhere,” Jaemin says.

“That’s okay. I just need to get used to it again. You don’t have to stop for me.”

“Okay, I just want to make sure you know I’m paying attention to every word you say.”

“Great, because I want to make this very clear. Don’t hide your feelings from me. If you want me to share how hard it was when you left. If you want to know what happened to me, if you want me to bare my emotions, I want you to do the same thing. The vulnerability and the communication we need can’t be one-sided. I also want to make it clear I’m working on stopping holding things against you.”

“Are you sure? Some of the things I felt are going to be a stark contrast to yours.”

“Yes, I’m sure. I know you were happy for sometime while I was miserable, and that is just a fact. I just feel the only way to really heal between us is to lay all out. My hurt, my pain and my anger, but also your happiness, your confusion, and any other emotion I don’t know about that you felt. We can’t ignore it anymore. I can’t keep blaming you for it anymore, not if I want a chance to get back what is supposed to be mine.”

Jaemin smiles, “I like that.”

“Like what?”

“That we are yours.”

Renjun rolls his eyes at Jaemin’s comment. “Of course, out of everything I said, you would focus on that.”

Jaemin wiggles his eyebrows and chuckles at Renjun shaking his head. “I’ll be serious now. I just liked how the word mine sounded coming from your lips. I thought I wouldn’t hear that from you in a long time, if ever.”

“Wow, we have so much to work through, you and I.”

“Yeah, we do. Let’s start with how it was for you at the very beginning when I left,” Jaemin says.

Their food comes right at that moment, and they both stop talking until everything is set down on their table. Jaemin gives Renjun all the time he needs to collect the words he feels would express how that time went for him. Renjun grabs his fork, and Jaemin waits until Renjun nods that he likes his food before he takes a bite from his own plate.

“The summary is that it sucked. You broke my heart; you also broke our bond too. And that pain, Jaemin, was almost unbearable. Some days and nights it felt like that. I almost lost my job, and if it weren’t for Haechan and Yangyang, I would have lost my job along with my life.”

Jaemin almost chokes on his food, but after hitting his chest a couple of times he manages to swallow it down. Renjun pushed the glass of water closer to him and waited for him to regain his composure. Jaemin looks at his plate and sees he is half-way through his meal, so he could stop there. He might reach his and Jeno’s apartment starving, but that’s okay with him. He doesn’t want to get sick in front of Renjun.

“I wonder, Jaemin, did you find Jeno pretty quickly or did you feel what I was feeling and were too prideful to come back?” Renjun asks, tilting his head.

Jaemin leans back on his side of the booth and thinks through his answer. It took him a little over a month to find Jeno, and even that was pretty much fate. The time he was away from Renjun and not sure if he truly had another soulmate that wasn’t Renjun is a time he hasn’t shared with anyone. He hardly even thinks about it, fine with letting it rot in the darkest corner of his memory and heart. But here is Renjun putting a spotlight on the thing Jaemin tries his hardest to ignore and forget.

He is not sure if he will ever truly share how dark was the month he was utterly alone. The biggest reason Jaemin knows he has to fight, and grovel, and prove himself day after day, month after month, and year after year is because he knows. He knows the pain Renjun talks about. Jaemin will be forever grateful to Haechan and Yangyang cause he knows how miserable and hard it is to take yourself to the hospital because of the pain. He knows how hard he had to hide the pain just to pass out on a new and empty apartment floor.

Jaemin had no one to rely on. He knew he had made a mistake. He also knew it was too late to go back after making Renjun deal with the same pain he had been dealing with plus the heartbreak.

“Part of it was pride, but mostly it is that I was zeroing in on finding my soulmate because I forced myself to believe you weren’t, that I didn’t deserve you to be my soulmate.”

“Jaemin, how the heck did you end up thinking that?”

“By reading too much crap on the internet.” Jaemin shrugs off the questions along with the painful memories of that month.

“So we were both suffering for a time. I imagine you felt like you could breathe better when you found Jeno.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t feel like that, and I thought we were talking about how it went for you while I wasn’t around.”

“Jaemin, I really don’t know how to tell you more about it. It was excruciating. I was sad, heartbroken, and I was; I still feel cold. I think this is something we might have to ask Haechan and Yangyang about how I was, how I looked. Once I focused on work and getting promoted and acted like nothing happened, it was like I wasn’t thinking of anything else.”

“What do you mean by that?” Jaemin asks

“At first I couldn’t function. I had no reason to. Somehow they convinced me that work, that the dreams and goals I had, that still have, are worth giving it my all whether or not you are in the picture. So everything related to soulmates I tucked very far away and focused on me. Well, partially because I’m horrible at feeding myself regularly and I work more than I rest. But it’s what has kept me waking up and getting out of bed.”

“You do not know how grateful I’m to your friends. I will never fight you over them. They can have all the time they want with you, and I’ll just wait.”

Renjun arches his eyebrow. “Don’t tell that to them or you won’t see me for days.”

Jaemin smiles and thinks to himself that he would be fine with that. Jeno might not be, but he will convince him. He knows Renjun is very aware of how much he is in debt to his friends, but Jaemin doesn’t think Renjun or his best friends know the amount of debt Jaemin feels towards them. If it weren’t for them, Renjun wouldn’t be here, alive and talking to him. Jaemin promises himself to be as patient as he can with Haechan, no matter how much of a devil he is. He finds he can deal with Yangyang a lot better than with Haechan.

“How is it now?”

“I really don’t know. I haven’t stopped assessing myself since I’ve been feeling the same way for months. When nothing changes besides getting worse, you really stop paying attention so you don’t shut down like you were before.”

“Could you try it? Not now, of course, but since we are close by and we are working on healing our relationship, I think you are safe to self-assess.”

“I’ll consider it once I feel brave enough to face it.”

“Thanks. If you need us to be there for you physically, let us know and we will be there in a heartbeat.”

Jaemin watches Renjun pause to consider his response. He loves that about Renjun; for things that matter to him, he pauses to make sure he is okay with what he is about to say.

“Thanks. I didn’t think I would feel reassured listening to those words, but I am.”

“I’m glad.”

They resume eating their food and catching up on each other’s lives. Jaemin tries not to feel too disappointed about not being there to celebrate his promotion. He still remembers how much Renjun wanted to switch to the department he is in and leading. He also wishes Renjun had been there for when Jeno got his position at the restaurant and there to watch him get recognized by his company for what he has achieved for the brand.

They finished their food before they could even finish catching up. Jaemin almost feels like whining about not having more time. He truly feels that an hour a day is not enough for him. He wonders if Renjun feels the same.

“Hey, I’ll check my schedule today for what I have going on tomorrow and give you an idea of how likely I’ll be available to have lunch with you. I know an hour is not enough, and I know you can be a little impatient when you are looking forward to something,” Renjun says.

“Were you reading my mind?” Jaemin asks and smiles at Renjun.

“No, I just know you. I can tell you are still the same Jaemin, which is a relief but also infuriates me.”

“Why does it infuriate you?”

“Because I didn’t see it coming when you left.”

“I didn’t see it coming. There is no way you could have seen it. Stop putting the blame for my actions on you. I told you, it was me and my own insecurities that led me astray. You did nothing to cause it.”

Jaemin pats and squeezes Renjun’s shoulder and hopes it reassures him. He doesn’t linger, no matter how much the bond screams at him. Renjun smiles at him and then they give the waitress a headache about who would be paying. Jaemin grins when the waitress takes his card and sticks his tongue at Renjun when he rolls his eyes.

“Next lunch I’m paying and you better not fight me over it,” Renjun warns him.

“Are we taking turns to pay?” Jaemin asks as they step out of the restaurant.

“That sounds fine. I gotta go. I have a meeting in like fifteen minutes. I’ll text you later.”

“I’ll look forward to your text.”

Renjun smiles at him before waving goodbye. Jaemin watches him get into his car and drive towards Renjun’s office, which is on the opposite side of his own work. He takes a quick glance at his watch and runs to his own car. If he beats the second wave of lunch traffic, he will get back on time.

And if he comes in late, it would be more than worth it.

~~~~

In the first week they started having lunch together, they only ate together twice. Jaemin tries to tell himself Renjun is now in a position that requires more of his time. Jeno reminds him that they are all busy professionals and that they can keep on trying. Jaemin sees how much Renjun is trying. He always tries to talk to him for a little while through text on the days he couldn’t meet for lunch, but Jaemin can’t hold himself from wanting more. After a weekend that felt too long deprived of both Jeno and Renjun, he was looking forward to lunch on Monday since Renjun confirmed he had scheduled him in.

“Jeno was sleepier than normal this morning. Was he really busy this past weekend?” Renjun asks as he sips on his soda.

“It was one of the busiest weekends they had in a long time. I barely saw him. He came home after I went to sleep and left before I even woke up. He didn’t eat breakfast or lunch with me. I was so bored.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t blow up my phone.”

“Well, I promised not to,” Jaemin smiles.

“I may regret this, but next time you can call me when Jeno is too busy to keep you company.”

Jaemin stares at him, not knowing how to deal with the feelings those words stir in him. His heart was trying to beat out of his chest, and he felt the bond almost singing with happiness.

“I’ll keep you in mind when it happens again. The restaurant’s popularity is increasing, so I imagine he will have a few more crazy weekends.”

Renjun smiles as he takes a few bites of his food. Jaemin wants to know more about the time he wasn’t with Renjun. He wants to know the depth of the pain he caused him for all of those months he was away. Call him a masochist, but he needs to know exactly what he is atoning for.

“I know the mood is light, but I gotta ask.”

“Turning the mood so quickly?”

“We have to keep talking it all out, Renjun.”

“I know. I just wanted to enjoy this moment. It has been a very long time since I felt this comfortable around you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize for that. You have other things you might want to save those apologize for.”

“That’s true. I know we have talked about how devastating all those months were for you and how you still are struggling.”

“But we have to talk about how you found Jeno, how it felt for you and how you started realizing something was wrong. You know, Jaemin, it’s okay to talk about Jeno. I can see why you love him so much.”

Jaemin sighs and straightens in his seat. “I met Jeno the first weekend the restaurant reopened after he and the head chef rebranded it. It was a work dinner, and he stopped at our table to greet the director of my department. Do you remember the spark that we felt when we met?”

Renjun nods while trying to eat his food and listen to Jaemin. “Well, it was the same feeling. I talked to him and asked when his shift ended. The dinner went pretty late, so the second round was canceled for everyone who didn’t or couldn’t attend. I sat at the bar and waited for the restaurant to close. We got talking, and with no prompt, he said the words on my forearm.”

“A little faster than us but similar,” Renjun comments.

“Very similar, it gave me a little déjà vu when it happened.”

“You two saw each other right after that?”

“We did but Jeno hesitated a lot. He had a very specific idea of what a soulmate encounter would be like. Ours wasn’t what he envisioned, let alone dreamed of. We had a pretty big fight after I mentioned you, and he demanded to know who I was talking about. He made assumptions, and that’s when I said his words; the same ones you said when we bumped on the street months ago.”

“Whatever deity gave those words to Jeno was cruel.”

“I agree. We both had to calm down for a few days before we could talk again. I told him about you. Not everything—I wasn’t ready to talk about you really—but he deserves to know at least a few things. After we were honest with each other and understood where we were coming from, things turned easy. I would say entirely too easy. I thought at first that it was because I went through all of it with you first. In reality, I was kidding myself. It was not until Jeno mentioned feeling coldness from the bond that I realized nothing much changed.”

“Can I ask how long you and Jeno have been together?”

“We are close to our fourth month.”

“And you guys are already living together?”

“Well, our apartment building is right between my workplace and the restaurant, and it didn’t really make sense for us both to rent separate apartments. It didn’t completely feel right because you aren’t there, but it was a logical decision we both agree on.”

“At least Jeno is finding out what it really is to live with you.”

“What does that mean?” Jaemin whines.

“You know very well what it means, Jaeminnie,” Renjun teases, and Jaemin stares at him.

Jaemin worries these lunches and interactions would end up with him having a heart attack. “You are going to give me a heart attack.”

“Why? What did I do?” Renjun asks, panic written all over his face.

Jaemin reaches to hold his hand. “Calm down. It is nothing, just your lovely self that I miss so dearly. Is making my heart do crazy things.”

Renjun visibly relaxed and squeezed Jaemin’s hand before letting go.

“Are we getting emotional because I called you Jaeminnie?” Renjun tilts his head, a small smile lighting up his face.

“Maybe,” Jaemin pouts, and amuses Renjun.

Jaemin really wished he could squish Renjun in a hug. He feels so happy his heart hurts. Jaemin knew he missed Renjun, but now that he has been interacting with him, he feels how much, how intensely he misses him. How the ache in his heart and bond is partially the distance, but it is almost equal parts him missing the man he loves. He may have doubted the soulmate part but never doubted his love for Renjun.

“I’m not surprised you are still the same. It is comforting and worrisome at the same time.”

“Why worrisome?”

“I keep second-guessing my words because I don’t know how long this will last.”

Jaemin couldn’t hold his shoulders fast enough for them not to slump a little at Renjun’s words. “I know there is really nothing I can say to make you not feel that way. The only thing I’m gonna ask is to give me time to show it to you.”

“I know. That’s what Haechan and Yangyang keep telling me. Every once in a while I remind myself of the same thing.”

 

“That’s enough for me. Really Renjun, you just let me show you.”

Renjun nods, and they go back to finishing eating and their now-quasi tradition of arguing about who is paying today. Before they part opposite ways, Jaemin feels Renjun holding his arm. He turned and waited for Renjun to vocalize what he wanted to say.

“In a few weeks, I have to fill out the emergency contact papers. I’m still gonna put Haechan and Yangyang as secondary numbers, but I was thinking of putting your number and Jeno’s as my primary. Of course I have to ask Jeno when I see him next morning, but I wanted to ask you.”

Jaemin couldn’t hold the smile spreading from his lips. He knows it is verging on too many teeth, and people who don’t know him would find it creepy, but he knows Renjun will recognize it for what it is. Extreme happiness.

“Of course you can put my name and number. If you need my office number, let me know, and I’ll send it to you via text. That way you’ll have two phones someone can reach me.”

“That would be nice. Also, don’t tell this to Jeno until later tomorrow. I wanna be the one letting him know about this first.”

“Of course. I understand this is something you have to talk to him about first. He won’t hear a word from me until you talk to him.”

“Thank you. I know I’m asking hard things out of you. I know you like to talk about everything that happened to you during the day, but I think you know why I’m asking this from you.”

“Renjun, rest assured I understand. I’ll have more than enough days to gush about this with Jeno. Don’t worry about it. I know my position among all of us is tricky, and I’m more than willing to work through it with you both.”

“Thank you, Jaemin, really.”

“You are more than welcome. Take all the time you need to get to know Jeno. He is worth it.”

Renjun smiles, “You like him a lot.”

“I do.”

“I’m glad. I wouldn’t want to be stuck in a three-way soulmate bond where someone doesn’t like the other.”

“I don’t think we have to worry about that. I know you both; you two of you are pretty likeable people.”

“I’m relieved to know that I’m likable.”

“Well, I would even say you are lovable, but I don’t want to scare you away.”

Renjun gifts him with another smile, and Jaemin tucks it in a little drawer in his memories, labeled Injunnie’s smiles. He would relive today’s memories until he slipped into dreamland, until Renjun visited him while he was sleeping, all hazy borders and rose tint images.

“I gotta go, but I’ll text you later and will also confirm with you when I can have another lunch this week.”

Jaemin nods and watches as Renjun walks to his car, gets inside and drives away.

~~~~

Jaemin feels Jeno’s hand petting his hair as he slowly wakes up. He turns his head to look at Jeno, who is kneeling in front of him. He immediately feels the ache from sleeping on the couch the wrong way.

“Why aren’t you in bed?” Jeno asks.

“I don’t know when I fell asleep. I was watching a movie until I wasn’t.”

“Come on.” Jeno scoops Jaemin from the couch and into his arms.

Jaemin stares into Jeno’s eyes and feels out the bond. He recognizes the feeling he sees in his eyes and slowly building in the bond. Jeno lays Jaemin gently on the bed and covers him with his body.

“I’ve missed you,” Jeno whispers, nibbling on his earlobe.

Jaemin exhales before burying his hands in Jeno’s hair. “I’ve missed you too.”

Jeno kisses him slow and deeply, grinding his erection on Jaemin. “Can I?”

“Yes,” Jaemin exhales.

They peel their clothes off, and Jaemin lets Jeno do whatever he needs to. It is so easy to succumb to Jeno when he takes charge of things. Jaemin can’t help getting aroused by his soulmate, who, although their usual demeanor is calm and collected, turns into a little needy and a lot demanding lover who knows what he wants and will take it. He expected a little bit of rough lovemaking. He is surprised and extremely turned on by Jeno slowly worshipping him. Jaemin doesn’t think Jeno left a centimeter of his body without a kiss. He left marks only he could see and made Jaemin feel every inch of his cock pushing and pulling inside of him.

Jaemin can’t stop himself from wondering, dreaming about Jeno and Renjun. He knows how Renjun looks and sounds when he is turned on and when he is coming. Jaemin has it ingrained in his memories and would often jerk off just thinking about it.

Now, with Jeno deep inside him, he imagines how it would look and sound like when Renjun is under Jeno. Maybe Renjun will find a way, like he did with him, to be on top of Jeno, leading the rhythm and marching towards ecstasy.

Jaemin wonders how Jeno will react if he lets him into his little fantasy. He bits his bottom lip before propping himself on his arms to get closer to Jeno’s ear. The change of angle makes them a little breathless. Jaemin kisses Jeno just below his ear before whispering.

“I can stop myself from thinking how it would feel to watch Renjun under you. Would you be as sweet with him as you are with me or will you push, be as rough with him as you are with me, to see how he unravels under you? Will he tease you or will he forget how to speak with how good your dick feels inside of him?”

Jeno’s rhythm stutters before it picks up speed. His thrust turning sharper, his hold on Jaemin’s hips stronger.

“You are going to fucking kill me,” Jeno growls.

Jaemin grins before pushing Jeno back into a kneel and impales himself on his soulmate’s cock.

He is not gonna tell Jeno this is one of his and Renjun’s favorite positions. Jaemin kneeled, holding Renjun, and watching him go up and down until both trembled from coming so hard. Jeno looks up at Jaemin, surprised at the change. Jaemin looks down and smiles. He sweeps some of Jeno’s hair from his sweaty forehead before grabbing onto his shoulders. Jaemin sets a deliciously slow pace that makes Jeno bite his lips before exhaling a chuckle.

“You have no idea how beautiful you look from here,” Jeno says.

“I want to see you up here, sitting on me over and over.”

Jeno rolls his eyes before he grabs onto Jaemin’s hip, holding himself with his other hand. Jeno thrusts up as Jaemin comes down, and the impact and depth of it knocks the air out of their lungs.

“Fuck, more,” Jaemin says.

He knows you don’t need to tell Jeno twice about something. The speed and strength leave Jaemin breathless; only able to gasp and moan Jeno’s name. Jeno wraps the hand that was on Jaemin’s hips around his neck and pulls him down.

“Say his name. Say our soulmate’s name,” Jeno grunts in Jaemin’s ear.

“Renjun. Renjun. Renjun,” Jaemin repeats their soulmate’s name like a prayer until he comes.

Jeno comes right after him, and both crumble on the bed. The sheets tangled around their legs.

Jaemin feels Jeno pulling him close and nuzzles his neck. He sighs and smiles. Feeling content and a little less cold. He turns around to face Jeno and kisses him. Jaemin feels Jeno’s thumbs running over his cheek, catching his tears.

“You miss him a lot,” Jeno says.

Jaemin nods and buries himself in Jeno’s embrace.

This is the first time Jaemin will let himself break down. Jeno lets him cry silently. Jaemin cries for all the hurt he caused Renjun, for all the hurt he brought Jeno without him knowing and for all the hurt he brought unto himself. He will let himself cry and hurt tonight. Tomorrow he will work harder to be the immovable foundation Renjun and Jeno need.