Work Text:
The first thing Qiushi notices about Ruan Baijie is how beautiful he is. The train of thought that immediately follows is: Ruan Baijie would be the kind of girl she'd either have massive envy for or crush on. If he's a girl, that is.
It's good that he's not. Every girl would be green with envy from the sight of his midnight ink silky strands, blossom-full lips, and huge scintillating eyes that sparkle as bright as the rising moon. He's tall and lean, body proportion so gorgeous it's probably molded to perfection, and so fair he's practically translucent like the glowing snow around them. Not to mention, he's self-assured and unperturbed, movement calm and precise, demeanor cool and collected even in the face of imminent danger; dangerous, a flavor of vicious that keeps you ensnared, keeps you wanting more. Every man would fall over themselves trying to get a glimmer of his attention if Ruan Baijie was a girl. Hell, even the ladies would be electrified by her beauty and ferociousness. Qiushi definitely would've fallen over her two left feet trying to get the barest of glances from a female Ruan Baijie.
Alas, he's not a girl and that's for the better, really.
And then he shamelessly climbs onto Qiushi’s back, insisting she carries him down the mountain… and no. Ruan Baijie as he is isn’t any better either, actually. Ruan Baijie’s general existence just isn't good for Qiushi because, first off, aren't men supposed to be gentlemen? Why is this gentleman making Qiushi carry him down a mountain? Qiushi's a woman —it can't be that he doesn't notice Qiushi's sex; sure her hair’s short and her breasts are basically non-existent what's with her body practically looking like a floorboard and her mostly androgynous, look as is usual, but Qiushi's not pitching his voice lower or doing anything particular to conceal that she's a girl.
So now she has to carry this man down the mountain on her back while he breathes into her neck and whispers answers to her questions into her ear and playfully teases her for being a novice of the game. Every time she threatens to drop him, he'd pout —how does he do that with his voice??— and clings on tighter, limbs locked in an unbreakable embrace, a spoiled baby panda in human form.
And that is also the second reason why his existence as a man is also bad for Qiushi: Ruan Baijie is cute. That is to say, Ruan Baijie doesn't adhere to what a typical guy should be to be considered guy.
Qiushi doesn't generally find men desirable most of the time no matter how handsome they are; what's with their arrogance and overly assertive and aggressive man-ness and existence of body parts that she lacks and doesn't know what to do with. But Ruan Baijie isn't just cute and pouty, distinctly not toxic with his masculinity and very much un- macho, he also cajoles and teases in the friendly and familiar way that only long lost friends could instead of the demeaning and degrading ways that men usually fall back on. He's also confident and reassuring instead of arrogant, taking his time to listen to Qiushi's questions and answer them without a hint of condescension and self-importance. And Ruan Baijie’s kind; granted he’s taken aback when Qiushi thanks him for saving her life as if spreading kindness was a novel concept to him. On top of that, incredibly, impossibly, he puts her at ease. Qiushi can count on one hand the men who put her at ease; well, more like 3 fingers and that's including Ruan Baijie himself.
He's perfectly suited to Qiushi's taste, male or female. It's as if Ruan Baijie was tailored to tick every box Qiushi has when it comes to a partner; romantic, sexual and everything else. It's eerie.
And that wouldn't do. No, absolutely not.
Qiushi's not having a crush. On a man, no less! In a virtual reality game where she can actually die.
No. No way.
-
And then Ruan Baijie gives her a ring.
As a token of gratitude.
Who does that??
What does it mean?
More specifically, does he know of Qiushi's burgeoning feelings for him?
Qiushi is at least self-respecting enough to admit that because Ruan Baijie is a decent person, a good and kind person, a good and kind man. It's normal to have a crush on a rare specimen; a beautiful rare specimen that's practically perfect. Besides, he saved her life, continues to save her life and treats her well in a scary new world; it's totally normal to imprint on him and latch on. It's practically a foregone conclusion.
It's fine. It'll go away.
Eventually.
Probably.
His smile is unwavering in its softness and she reaches out for the ring and its cord. Their fingers brush; his are cold like the frigid storm and Qiushi has the urge to wrap them in her own hands and warm them with her mouth.
Qiushi swallows and makes to pocket the ring and its chord but Ruan Baijie instructs, “Put it on,” the tone of his voice is a command that’s meant to be followed through, used to being obeyed.
Qiushi wants to object but can’t find it in herself to, not with Ruan Baijie’s unblinking gaze demanding obedience. Qiushi’s not one for compliance, though, so she protests, “It's a bit big for the neck.” It's a token of a thing, she knows, but it doesn't seem right to accept so eagerly, to be so shameless. When has she become so shameless?
Ruan Baijie smiles and says something but Qiushi, for the life of her, for all her newly acquired sharp hearing, couldn't hear a thing not when Ruan Baijie is looking and smiling at her like that. His eyes are sharp and fill with intent, knowing, as if he can see down to her core. Qiushi wonders what it is he really, really sees in her —she remembers him saying he's a clairvoyant— for him to save her, stick with her, give her a ring. Is it his ring?
Dammit. This is not the time… they're fighting for their lives here. She needs to focus.
Qiushi can’t believe she’s losing focus because of some guy. Doesn’t matter how beautiful or nice and kind he is. Still a guy.
It's fine. It’s fine.
It'll go away. It'll go away—
It's not like Qiushi will see Ruan Baijie again or anything.
Qiushi puts the leather string around her neck, the weight of the ring settling right against her sternum. It's warm, as if Ruan Baijie just pulled it off of his own finger. She looks at his hands and wonders if it was from his ring finger, she wonders if it'll fit her ring finger.
Qiushi swallows and mumbles something incoherent. Ruan Baijie's head tilts down to try to catch her words.
She just tucks the ring under her hoodie and tries not to think too much about it. The ring is warm, its heat spreading from her chest to the tip of her fingers and the ends of her toe. Besides her, Ruan Baijie's smile softens even further, like flowers swaying in the wind, his eyes shining brighter than the moon under the flickering firelight.
.
Qiushi's not an idiot; she knows that look; that particular quirk of the brow, that sultry slant of the lips. She doesn't find herself on the receiving end of them often but she's grown-up enough to understand what they mean. She just isn't sure if it's the same thing as the glowing thing that's nurturing itself in the core of her.
Besides, it's not likely that they'll meet again.
It's fine.
.
—maybe.
-
The ring follows her out the door, the gold of it now cold to the touch like the snowstorm in the Door. It reminds Qiushi of him, the chill and the utilitarian design: the coldness of his fingers and the simplicity of his elegance, the fluid and economical way he moved, the clean line of his flawless silhouette, the fluttering of snow with his every movement. Qiushi can’t help but think that for all he’s beautiful as a man, he’d be glorious and formidable as a woman, the world at her feet, a lethal God on the prowl.
She catches herself thinking about Ruan Baijie often. Which is a stupid and embarrassing thing to do. It was okay, it was safe, to do it in the Door because he was right there, his attention like the brightest most unrelenting searchlight on her being. To do it here, in the real world? It's reckless, foolish.
But Qiushi has always been a bit reckless and foolish when it comes to herself, isn't she? She was always scolded for not thinking enough about herself, for having a soft bleeding heart that cares too much and loves too readily. She just forgot because there’s no longer anyone there to remind her to heed the warning signs and care for her own heart, her own well-being.
Wu Qi is a great companion and the bestest of best friends but she's not—
Well.
The point is, Qiushi should be less reckless and foolish with the matters of her heart. Not only is she inexperienced but Ruan Baiji is out of her life now. There’s no use in dwelling.
So, Qiushi takes off the ring.
Well, she thinks about taking it off but couldn't; she's become familiar with the way the ring shifts against her ribs as she walks, talks, breathes. When Qiushi moves in her sleep, the band rolls with ease across the plain of her chest to kiss from one nipple to the other, making her toes curl.
She thinks about wearing it on her finger.
But what would be more— more— more— ?
The ring encircling her nipple or the ring around her finger.
-
No one would know. It's just a ring.
-
It does fit her ring finger. Well, it fits her ring finger and the chord.
Qiushi thinks it’d probably fit her thumb snuggly without the nuisance of the chord.
.
Qiushi leaves it around her neck and tries not to think about it, about Ruan Baijie.
-
Qiushi wakes up around noon after a whole night of streaming to the feelings of eyes on her. She dearly hopes it’s just Wu Qi checking up on her but she knows that Wu Qi can’t move quietly even when her life depends on it.
It’s probably not a robber, she doesn’t think robbers have a habit of staring at their victims, so a murderer it is. Or a serial killer. Might be a stalker too. Those are the only explanations.
Qiushi debates just pretending to sleep until her housemate comes back but decides against it because it’s better to be murdered alone than with Wu Qi. Her boyfriend would be devastated and would probably spit on Qiushi’s grave for causing it, rightfully so, if she’s being honest.
So, Qiushi peels her eyes open and searches for the serial killer-stalker in question.
Her eyes land on the most exquisite woman she has ever seen.
The woman cuts a clean, perfect silhouette against Qiushi’s glowing curtain, long wavy hair tumbling over sculpted shoulders and artfully concealed bosom under lace fabric. Her lips red like carnations, her nose high and sharp, her brows arching like the pavilion bridge by the river, her eyes a piercing hazel that glows like ember under the light.
Qiushi would recognize the swell of those lips, the arch of those brows, and the dip of that throat anywhere.
“Ruan Baijie?” Qiushi says.
Ruan Baiji smiles, painted lips spreading devastation across Qiushi’s rabbiting heart.
“Ruan Nanzhu,” Ruan Baiji says. Her (his?) voice pitched up not too differently from Qiushi’s. “That’s my name.”
Qiushi blinks, stomach a hollowed, hungry thing that wants.
Ruan Nanzhu laughs, high and lyrical, songbird beautiful. Qiushi swallows, throat parched for water, thirsty, thirsting. Distantly, Qiushi can hear the sirens blaring, a siren's calling; exquisite and songbird beautiful.
Ruan Nanzhu’s smile is amused and it's a knowing look; whatever it is that she? he? they? knows, Qiushi wants to know too. But, more importantly, Qiushi realized with dazed, fuzzy happiness, that smile is no less flirty and that gaze is no less intent.
Qiushi leans against the wall, one hand fisting her comforter while the other grabs onto the ring that’s pressed against her nipple. Ruan Nanzhu’s eyes follow her movement, fixating on the shape of her exposed nipples under her PJS then Ruan Nanzhu’s smile opens to show teeth, bone sharp and cataclysmic.
Ruan Nanzhu moves from the swivel chair to her bed, sitting by her legs. Lizi jumps up to claim the vacant spot and dozes off under the filtered sunlight. Ruan Nanzhu's fingers rub circles on the comforter, manicured nails scratch Qiushi’s skin through the layers, chipping away at her fortresses and restraints and self-preservation by the dozens.
Ruan Nanzhu is devastation, Ruan Nanzhu is perfection. Perfectly suited to Qiushi's taste, male or female. It's as if Ruan Nanzhu was tailored to tick every box Qiushi has when it comes to a partner; romantic, sexual and everything else. It's eerie.
Ruan Nanzhu’s existence just isn’t good for Qiushi’s poor bleeding heart that cares too much and loves too readily.
Ruan Nanzhu. Ruan Nanzhu. Ruan Nanzhu.
Qiushi wants.